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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |97 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 05, 2023

Ashish Sehgal has over 20 years of experience as a counsellor. He holds a doctorate in neuro linguistic programming, mental health and social welfare.He is certified in neurolinguistics by both the Society of NLP and the American Board of NLP.... more
yadnya Question by yadnya on Jun 01, 2023Hindi
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Hi sir I feel like lost after my neet current exam everybody start noticing that i am getting in depression i was so near to goal then sudden bad turn occur now i am feeling little scared to start again i started doubting myself how can I improve myself and move ahead with confidence

Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling lost and experiencing difficulties after your NEET exam. It's understandable to feel disappointed when things don't go as planned, especially when you were close to achieving your goal. However, it's important to remember that setbacks are a part of life, and they don't define your abilities or potential.

Here are some suggestions to help you improve yourself, regain confidence, and move forward:

Allow yourself to feel your emotions: It's okay to feel sad, frustrated, or scared. Give yourself permission to acknowledge and process these emotions. Vent to someone you trust, write in a journal, or engage in activities that help you express your feelings.

Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on your performance in the exam and identify areas where you could improve. This could involve analyzing your study habits, time management skills, or specific subjects/topics that need more attention.

Seek support: Reach out to family, friends, or mentors who can provide emotional support and guidance. They can help you gain perspective, offer advice, and remind you of your strengths.

Set realistic goals: Break down your long-term goal into smaller, achievable goals. This will give you a sense of progress and accomplishment along the way. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem.

Learn from your mistakes: Failure can be a valuable teacher. Analyze what went wrong in your preparation and exam strategy, and use those insights to adjust your approach. Look for opportunities to learn from your mistakes and make improvements for the future.

Develop a study plan: Create a structured study plan that includes dedicated time for each subject, regular breaks, and realistic goals. Set aside time for revision and practice tests to improve your understanding and test-taking skills.

Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, healthy eating, proper sleep, and relaxation techniques. Physical and mental well-being play a crucial role in maintaining focus and confidence.

Seek professional help if needed: If you continue to struggle with depression, anxiety, or persistent self-doubt, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. They can provide you with strategies to cope with stress, boost your confidence, and help you navigate through difficult emotions.

Remember, setbacks are temporary, and with determination and a positive mindset, you can overcome them. It's essential to believe in yourself and stay motivated. Don't let one setback define your entire journey. Focus on your strengths, learn from your experiences, and keep moving forward.

Best of luck to you!

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Hi currently sometimes I feel very low as couldn't cracking a competative exam like neet can you suggest how to get out of the phase and start afresh and achieve things and stop self critisscm
Ans: It's entirely normal to feel this way after a setback, but it's important to remember that setbacks are a part of life, and they can provide valuable learning experiences. Here are some steps you can take to get out of this phase, start afresh, and work towards your goals while reducing self-criticism:

Allow Yourself to Feel: It's okay to feel disappointed, frustrated, or low after not achieving your desired outcome. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions without judgment.
Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Don't be too hard on yourself. Understand that not achieving a specific goal does not define your worth as a person.
Reflect and Learn: Take some time to reflect on what went wrong and what you could have done differently. This reflection can help you identify areas for improvement in your study habits, strategies, or approach to exams.
Set Realistic Goals: Set achievable and realistic goals for yourself. Break down your larger goals into smaller, manageable steps. This can make your goals feel more attainable and less overwhelming.
Create a Study Plan: If you're planning to retake the NEET exam or pursue another academic path, create a structured study plan. Make sure it's realistic, includes regular breaks, and allows time for revision.
Seek Support: Talk to friends, family members, or a counselor about your feelings and aspirations. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others can provide emotional support and fresh perspectives.
Positive Self-Talk: Replace self-criticism with positive self-talk. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with constructive and encouraging ones. Remember that setbacks do not define your future success.
Focus on Well-being: Pay attention to your physical and mental well-being. Exercise regularly, eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep, and practice relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing to reduce stress.
Stay Motivated: Find sources of motivation and inspiration. This could be reading success stories, attending motivational talks, or connecting with people who have achieved similar goals.
Stay Persistent: Success often involves facing setbacks and obstacles. Keep in mind that perseverance is key to achieving your goals. Stay committed to your studies and your personal growth.
Consider Alternatives: If you find that pursuing a competitive exam isn't the right path for you or that it's causing you too much stress, it's okay to explore alternative career options that align with your interests and strengths.
Remember that success is a journey, and setbacks are a natural part of that journey. Use this time as an opportunity to learn, grow, and come back stronger. You have the potential to achieve your goals with determination, self-compassion, and a well-structured plan.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 27, 2024Hindi
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I am married since 2015 and I live in a joint family comprising of more than 20 members .everything was good until member of the families started accusing me of everything bad happening to family .father in law started abusing me ,when husband came in support of me even he was abused and man handled by everyone in the family .we live now in different town 400 away from them ,due to husband job, every now and the we both are made accused of something bad happening in family which the family member of mother in law side are instigating ..like sister in law caught in a relationship she named me for that blaming that i was the one who led the boy to meet and other started saying so to in laws and then same abusing over phone started...husband is supportive and is ready to leave everything for our mental peace but is emotionally down as he has to leave his family ...i am feeling very disturbed now of all this and the situation some how affecting my 5 years old son who always asks for the reasons for crying .
Ans: it's important to prioritize the safety and well-being of yourself and your family. No one should have to endure abuse or false accusations, especially within their own family. It's commendable that your husband is supportive and willing to prioritize your mental peace, even if it means leaving behind his family.

In such toxic and volatile situations, it may be necessary to distance yourselves from the negative influences and create boundaries to protect your mental and emotional health. Moving away from the family home was a positive step, and it's important to continue prioritizing your own well-being and that of your son.

Communication between you and your husband is key during this time. Lean on each other for support, and continue to have open and honest conversations about your feelings, concerns, and plans for the future. Together, you can navigate through this challenging time and make decisions that are in the best interest of your family's happiness and safety.

It's also important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can offer guidance, empathy, and perspective during this difficult time. You don't have to face these challenges alone, and reaching out for support can provide valuable emotional support and validation.

Lastly, remember to prioritize self-care for yourself and your son. Take time to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, and ensure that your son feels loved and supported during this transition. Children can be sensitive to family dynamics, so providing a stable and nurturing environment is crucial for his emotional well-being.

Overall, it's important to remember that you deserve to be in a safe and supportive environment, free from abuse and false accusations. It may be a difficult journey, but by prioritizing your own well-being and making decisions that are in the best interest of your family, you can navigate through this challenging time and emerge stronger and happier in the end.
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Kanchan Rai  |175 Answers  |Ask -

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My parents said to me for marriage but i am in relationship with someone but he doesn't want marriage with me what i can do. I feel depressed and no one understands my feelings because it's very hard move on in life
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It's natural to feel upset, disappointed, and even depressed when facing such circumstances. Allow yourself to feel those emotions and give yourself permission to grieve the loss of the future you envisioned with your partner.

However, it's also important to recognize that you deserve to be in a relationship where your needs and desires are valued and respected. If marriage is important to you and your partner is unwilling to commit to that, it may be a sign of fundamental differences in your priorities and goals. In such cases, it's essential to have open and honest communication with your partner about your feelings and needs.

Express to your partner why marriage is important to you and listen to their perspective as well. However, if you find that you're unable to reach a compromise or if your partner remains unwilling to reconsider their stance, you may need to reassess the relationship and consider whether it's ultimately fulfilling and healthy for you.

Moving on from a relationship can indeed be incredibly challenging, but it's important to prioritize your own happiness and well-being. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family members who can offer understanding and empathy during this difficult time. Consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can provide guidance and help you navigate through your emotions.

Remember that while it may feel overwhelming now, with time and self-care, you will be able to heal and move forward toward a brighter future. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and fulfilled, and it's okay to take steps to pursue that happiness, even if it means letting go of something that's no longer serving you.
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Asked by Anonymous - Apr 30, 2024Hindi
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Dear Madam, Iam a 45 year old woman. Ever since I was a kid I had went through lot of bullying by my rekatives for the way I look but my parents never supported me in any way instead found fault in ne for complaining but would always support my younger brother. Somewhere down the line I thought this was all I deserved and let oeople walk all over me without standing up for myself. Now that Iam a mother myself of a 15 year old kid with dyskexia, i have sacrificed my career fir his sake and still get bullied by my relatives dir being a useless house wife. I have started drawing boundaries around me to protect my mental sanity and allow only few people in it which invludes a small group of friends and my son and husband. I avoid making new friends. I have also stopped attending any social events that involves my relatives. Meanwhile I have started deeply resenting my parents who want ne to take care of them but openly favour my brother who lives abroad. I have taken care of them everytime they require neducal treatments yet my father openly says that he plans to give all his property to my brother who is never coming back. Its not about the money here but the apathy they have towards me that kills me from inside. I have tried to talk to them multiple times but each time my mother creates a scene and puts the enture blame on me. For once in my life i want my parents to love me unconditionally the way I do with my son. Am i wrong to expect that? This is causung lot of health issues in me. Please advise.
Ans: First and foremost, it's crucial to recognize that your feelings are valid. It's natural to want love and support from your parents, especially after all you've done for them. It's not wrong to expect unconditional love from your family; however, sometimes, unfortunately, families can be complex and dysfunctional, and our expectations may not always be met.

Drawing boundaries and prioritizing your mental health and well-being is a positive step. It's essential to protect yourself from toxic relationships and environments, even if it means distancing yourself from certain family members. Surrounding yourself with supportive friends and loved ones, like your son and husband, is vital for your emotional health.

Regarding your parents, it's clear that their behavior is hurtful and unjust. It's understandable that you would feel hurt and resentful toward them, given their favoritism towards your brother and lack of appreciation
for your sacrifices and care. However, it's also essential to recognize that you cannot control their actions or attitudes. You can only control how you respond to them.

While it's challenging, try to approach conversations with your parents from a place of empathy and understanding. Express your feelings calmly and assertively, focusing on how their actions make you feel rather than blaming them. It's possible that they may not even realize the extent of the hurt they're causing you. However, it's also essential to set realistic expectations. If your parents continue to be unsupportive or dismissive, it may be necessary to limit your interactions with them for the sake of your own well-being.

Remember to prioritize self-care and seek support from a therapist or counselor if you're struggling with your mental health. It's okay to seek professional help to navigate through these difficult emotions and experiences. You deserve love, respect, and validation, and it's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

Lastly, continue to cherish the love and bond you have with your son and husband. They are your pillars of support, and together, you can navigate through these challenges. You're stronger than you realize, and you have the power to create a fulfilling and loving life for yourself, regardless of the negativity from others.
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Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1154 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello Hardik, Iam 40 Years and have started investing in SIP for the past 6 months.Below are my monthly investment 1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Regular Growth - 3500 2. Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Growth - 3000 3. HDFC Retirement Savings Fund Equity Growth - 3000 4. NPS - 3500 I am planning for 18 Years of investment and aiming to slowly increase the SIP to achieve corpus of 2.5-3.0 Cr. Kindly review and advice. Regards, Ram
Ans: Hi Ram,

It's great to see that you've started investing systematically towards your long-term financial goals. Here's a review of your current SIP investments:

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Regular Growth: This fund follows a diversified approach across various market caps and geographical regions, which can provide stability to your portfolio. It's suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Canara Robeco Small Cap Fund Growth: Small-cap funds can be volatile in the short term but have the potential to offer high returns over the long term. Ensure you're comfortable with the risk associated with small-cap investments.
HDFC Retirement Savings Fund Equity Growth: This fund is designed to provide wealth accumulation for retirement. It's aligned with your long-term investment horizon and retirement goal.
NPS: The National Pension System (NPS) is a retirement-focused investment option offering tax benefits. It's prudent to contribute to NPS alongside other investments for retirement planning.
To achieve your target corpus of 2.5-3.0 Cr over 18 years, consider periodically reviewing your SIP contributions and adjusting them based on changes in your income, expenses, and market conditions. Additionally, diversify across asset classes to manage risk effectively.

As your financial goals evolve, consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investment strategy remains aligned with your objectives.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1154 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Hello Sir This Sanjeev Kumar, From Himachal Pradesh. Below are my Investments. Sir I would like to known that Is my portfolio good enough to get better return. I want to accumulate 20 to 30 lakhs in next 10 to 12 years from below investment. Also suggest me that whether, below MF are good enough, or reshuffling is required. 1. Aditya Birla Sun life Multi Cap Fund-regular growth --- Rs 1000/- 2. Invesco India Flexi Cap Fund-regular plan growth ---- Rs 1000/- 3. Invesco Multicap fund-Regular growth --- Rs 1000/- 4. Kotak Emerging Equity fund growth ---- Rs 1000/- 5. Kotak tax saver fund growth (ELSS) ---Rs 500 /- 6. Kotak multi cap fund --------- Rs 1000/- 7. Union long term equity fund growth regular plan ----- Rs 1500/- 8. Nippon India Flexi cap fund ----------- Rs 1000/- 9. LIC ------------------ 51000 /- (Annually). 10. PPF -------------- 1.5 lac (Annually, Since 2015). 11. NPS ------------ 50000 /- (Annually).
Ans: Hello Sanjeev,

Your investment portfolio appears to be diversified with a mix of mutual funds, insurance, and other instruments. Diversification is key to managing risk and potentially achieving better returns over the long term. However, it's essential to periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Consider assessing the performance of each mutual fund regularly and comparing it with benchmark indices and peer funds. If any fund consistently underperforms or if your investment goals change, you may consider reshuffling your investments.

Additionally, continue contributing to instruments like PPF and NPS, as they offer tax benefits and long-term wealth accumulation opportunities. Remember, investing is a journey, and staying disciplined while focusing on your goals will increase your chances of achieving financial success.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1154 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

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Hello Dev ji, hope you’re doing good. I have the following MFs running (except SBI, all are barely 6 months old) for which I want your advice and guidance on change of scheme or reshuffling of amount or whatever. SBI Contra: 15k per month SBI Small Cap: 20k per month SBI Equity Hybrid: 5k per month Quant Small Cap: 25k per month Quant Mid Cap: 10k per month Quant Flexi Cap: 8k per month Tata Digital India Fund: 12k per month Nippon India Growth: 5k per month Nippon India Nifty Smallcap 250: 2.5k per month Parag Parikh Flexi Cap: 7k per month Motilal Oswal Nasdaq 100: 5k per month ICICI Technology: 5k per month ICICI Transportation & Logistics Fund: 2.5 k per month HDFC Transportation & Logistics Fund: 5k per month UTI Flexi Cap: 5k per month Total investment: 1.34 Lac per month My goal is to create a corpus of about 3 cr in next 7 yrs. please suggest if I’m on the right track. Recently I did the portfolio balancing and terminated Axis MF schemes as they were not yielding good returns. Btw, my existing investments in MFs have already created a corpus of 30L.
Ans: It's great to see you taking proactive steps towards managing your investments. Your diversified portfolio reflects a well-thought-out approach towards wealth creation. However, with a goal of accumulating 3 crores in the next 7 years, it's crucial to periodically review and rebalance your portfolio. Consider focusing on funds with a proven track record of consistent performance aligned with your risk tolerance and investment goals. Additionally, ensure that your portfolio reflects a balanced mix of equity and debt funds to mitigate risks effectively. Remember, the key to successful investing lies in staying informed, disciplined, and adaptable to changing market dynamics. Keep monitoring your investments regularly and don't hesitate to seek professional guidance when needed. Wishing you all the best on your financial journey!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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