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Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, During sex with my wife I asked her that will she be ok with multiple partners to solve our sexual desires.Her inner heart says ok but she is scared of doing so.Not strangers but known circles.What is ur opinion I can convince her and how can we take it forward

Ans: Marriage ideally means monogamy. Multiple partners is a slippery slope and it may do irreversible damage to your relationship. Think about it carefully; do you really want to throw away a good equation with your wife for a few rolls in the hay? Because inevitably, such “arrangements” begin to cause problems sooner or later.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
My wife is a 35 year old women who is sex starved inspite of me satisfying regularly . She has so much voluptuous body that I already shared here before that she is touched and rubbed most of time by strangers in bus , train , rick or in shopping market . Now she is wearing many times torn dress or sometimes going braless and panties . I m feeling little scared as she is indirectly giving invite to neighbours or friends, relatives or even vendors like milkman, security , laundry , mechanic etc to visit my house more to see her exposed parts . This may turn into unknown adventure for her. If she is not satisfied with me physically, i dont mind she having it outside but worrying that such things will never remain a secret and later can haunt our kids rather . What would you suggest me to do when her thirst is so high that she is even ready for threesome and foursome . That much signal i got when she asked me to take her with my boy group friends night out once .I haven't agreed to that till now but she may seek outside which may be more dangerous if i dont take her with my friends.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's perfectly normal to have a great sex drive BUT it's not normal to randomly invite people to sleep around with!
Is she doing this for attention or she isn't satisfied with the sex in the marriage?
Do not feel responsible for her behavior as you will not be able to step in and help her...kindly seek an appointment with the doctor who might prescribe certain tests. If she needs mind management that will help her draw self-esteem from within, then the doctor might suggest that as well. And you are right in preventing her from going with your boy gang but you will not be able to stop her from seeking action elsewhere...Getting to the root of this is the key here...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1449 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024
Relationship
Hi I'm 26 and my wife also same age, my wife is not interested in sex past 1 year. I tried to talk too many times for knowing what's the reason and the real issue and tried to speak tell what main issue she is facing and also tried to talk with her sister and parents and tell the situation we are facing. But she not interested to tell anybody , so i tried her phone and all details related to my help but noting in my hand. So after a 1 year i helpless so I asked directly to her can I go outside sex with any another women she not agreed so I complained the same tell me why are you not interested with me in sex . Not respond And once day I talked again can I go to sex with another women she cried in front of my family members Please help me for this situation
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is this like a meal? Where you can't have food at home and so you can go outside and have it?
Please use your wise mind and when there is a problem, instead of running away, as a grown man act maturely and try to solve that problem.
So, if your wife is uninterested in sex, what's the point going all over town and sharing that with everyone. What will they do? Isn't marriage about taking care of each other? So, do just that. Clearly, your wife has some kind of a mind block when it comes to sex and sexual intimacy. Please help her instead of seeking sex outside...
First to a good gynecologist who may then refer her to a specialist who can help her if she carries any mind blacks. She needs help from you; so be with her...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |508 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 11, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 20 years old guy and in my past romantic relationships, have shown signs of emotional instability, too much dependency and lack of awareness of boundaries which affected my relationships badly...I hadn’t interacted with people in a long while since 2020 (precisely when lockdown had started) and feel that some aspects of my personality are not developed fully as they should be at this age. How to work on this? Also, i have noticed that I am able to create a good first impression but it soon pales and I feel like I am subtly disrespected or talked down to, and this has been happening in all interactions...i am always respectful (often to a fault!) and even have people pleasing tendencies...i sometimes ask immature weird questions and that might probably be the reason (but they’re never inappropriate)...but i do want to gain insights into why i am experiencing what i am and how to navigate this situation well so that I can maintain healthy relationships in future. Thanks you!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I want you to understand that it is no small feat to realize the quirks and imperfections in ourselves- you have done it. Your effort to understand and rectify them deserves to be acknowledged and appreciated.
Now, coming to your question, I can only give you some general advice on each-
Emotional instability and dependency- these behavioral patterns can stem from various factors; it can be a lack of confidence or some past issues that are left unresolved. It is difficult for me to tell you exactly why it is happening. It can also arise from a lack of validation. To manage it, you can focus on self-regulation- like meditation or journaling whenever you feel these emotions rising. This way you are expressing them but not damaging your relationships. Take up new hobbies or goals. Achieving milestones can build confidence.
Navigating Boundaries- You can speak to your partner in the early stage of the relationship to understand their boundaries. This way there will be clarity and you won't overstep. You can set up some boundaries too.
For better interpersonal skills, you can proactively follow some rules- like active listening, avoiding overthinking, asking open-ended questions, and resisting the urge to seek your partner's approval.
About the awkward questions- it is important to understand that you might perceive them as awkward, but the person opposite to you might think of it as a genuine curiosity. As long as it isn't intrusive or inappropriate, there are no awkward questions.
Like these, I can only offer you some general advice. But the best advice of them all would be to seek counseling. It has done wonders for people. And the first step, which is identifying the issues is already done. Bravo! What's wrong with taking a little professional help in navigating the next steps? They can guide you in a more structured manner.
Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I’ve been in a relationship with a girl for the past 4 years, but due to various issues, things have become extremely complicated. Her father doesn’t approve of me, and my mother doesn’t like her either. Despite this, we’ve managed to stay together all these years. The problem is now escalating. My family is pressuring me to marry someone else, but I’m unable to leave her. At the same time, I feel I can’t marry her either because of her behavior and the ongoing issues with my family. I’ve tried to ask her to change certain things, but she hasn’t made any efforts in that direction. To make matters worse, her mother supports our relationship and trusts me, which makes it even harder for me to walk away. I don’t want her to marry someone else, but I also feel stuck because of my family’s expectations and the challenges in our relationship. Even If I leave her I don't know what she is going to do. What should I do in this situation to make the best decision for everyone involved?
Ans: it's crucial to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship. Ask yourself if this relationship brings you the happiness and fulfillment you seek, or if the challenges you face are too significant to overcome. It's important to differentiate between staying out of love and staying out of fear or obligation.

Talking to your partner openly is essential. Share your concerns honestly and listen to her perspective. If there are changes you've hoped for, express why they matter to you. At the same time, recognize that change is a two-way street—it requires effort and willingness from both sides. If she hasn't made efforts in the areas you've discussed, it may be worth considering whether this is a pattern that can be changed or a fundamental mismatch in expectations.

Your family's disapproval complicates things further, but it's important to remember that this is your life and relationship. While their opinions are significant, they shouldn't be the sole deciding factor in your happiness. Balancing respect for their wishes with your own needs is a delicate task, but ultimately, you need to make a decision that feels right for you.

If the relationship feels unsustainable despite your efforts, it may be time to consider a different path. It's understandable that you’re concerned about her well-being, especially given her mother's trust in you, but staying out of guilt or obligation can lead to further unhappiness for both of you. If you decide to part ways, doing so with kindness and honesty can help mitigate some of the hurt.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. Weighing your feelings, the relationship dynamics, and your family's expectations will guide you toward a resolution that prioritizes your well-being and future happiness.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |499 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My age is 41 years. I have two kids. Nurturing n looking after them n whole home single handedly. I am a visiting faculty in a institute . Earns very nominal earning. My husband hits me, taunts me and use very arrogant words to me like tumhe belt se maarunga n similar many worst words. His family has been always unsupportive to me . Now after 16 years of marriage, he still wants me to please his mother n other family. Which I completely avoid as they have never supported me and always boycotted me. His real brother is in politics and all family members including his cousins do follow him and boycotted me n husband. Now for everything my husband blames me and says if you gave pleased them, all might have good. But inspite of pleasing them a lot , they are like treating me like I am a stranger. I handle n manage everything still by the end of the day.... everything is in vain. Husband says...What you did for home? I will never ever give my money to you and so on. I am literally in trouble thoughts, what to do ? I even many times thought to end my life but my kids are the reason I continuously bears everything. Please suggest what shall I do.
Ans: it's important to acknowledge that no one deserves to be treated with such disrespect and abuse. Your feelings of isolation and frustration are valid. It can feel overwhelming when the people who should support you instead make you feel like an outsider.

In situations like this, it’s crucial to find support outside the immediate family. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or support groups who can offer you emotional strength and practical advice. Consider speaking with a counselor or therapist who can help you navigate these complex emotions and provide strategies for dealing with the abuse and stress.

You’ve shown immense resilience, especially for your children. They need you to be strong, and seeking help is a vital step in preserving your mental and emotional well-being. Remember, prioritizing your health is not selfish; it’s necessary for you and your children’s future.

Also, explore any legal avenues or resources available for individuals in abusive relationships. Local support organizations, legal aid, or women’s shelters can provide advice and assistance if you decide that leaving the relationship is the best option for your safety and well-being.

You have already shown great courage by managing so much on your own. Continue to seek out support and know that you are not alone in this journey. There are people and resources willing to help you find a path to a healthier and more secure life.

...Read more

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