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Love Guru

Love Guru   |204 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, During sex with my wife I asked her that will she be ok with multiple partners to solve our sexual desires.Her inner heart says ok but she is scared of doing so.Not strangers but known circles.What is ur opinion I can convince her and how can we take it forward

Ans: Marriage ideally means monogamy. Multiple partners is a slippery slope and it may do irreversible damage to your relationship. Think about it carefully; do you really want to throw away a good equation with your wife for a few rolls in the hay? Because inevitably, such “arrangements” begin to cause problems sooner or later.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
My wife is a 35 year old women who is sex starved inspite of me satisfying regularly . She has so much voluptuous body that I already shared here before that she is touched and rubbed most of time by strangers in bus , train , rick or in shopping market . Now she is wearing many times torn dress or sometimes going braless and panties . I m feeling little scared as she is indirectly giving invite to neighbours or friends, relatives or even vendors like milkman, security , laundry , mechanic etc to visit my house more to see her exposed parts . This may turn into unknown adventure for her. If she is not satisfied with me physically, i dont mind she having it outside but worrying that such things will never remain a secret and later can haunt our kids rather . What would you suggest me to do when her thirst is so high that she is even ready for threesome and foursome . That much signal i got when she asked me to take her with my boy group friends night out once .I haven't agreed to that till now but she may seek outside which may be more dangerous if i dont take her with my friends.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's perfectly normal to have a great sex drive BUT it's not normal to randomly invite people to sleep around with!
Is she doing this for attention or she isn't satisfied with the sex in the marriage?
Do not feel responsible for her behavior as you will not be able to step in and help her...kindly seek an appointment with the doctor who might prescribe certain tests. If she needs mind management that will help her draw self-esteem from within, then the doctor might suggest that as well. And you are right in preventing her from going with your boy gang but you will not be able to stop her from seeking action elsewhere...Getting to the root of this is the key here...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 10, 2024
Relationship
Hi I'm 26 and my wife also same age, my wife is not interested in sex past 1 year. I tried to talk too many times for knowing what's the reason and the real issue and tried to speak tell what main issue she is facing and also tried to talk with her sister and parents and tell the situation we are facing. But she not interested to tell anybody , so i tried her phone and all details related to my help but noting in my hand. So after a 1 year i helpless so I asked directly to her can I go outside sex with any another women she not agreed so I complained the same tell me why are you not interested with me in sex . Not respond And once day I talked again can I go to sex with another women she cried in front of my family members Please help me for this situation
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Is this like a meal? Where you can't have food at home and so you can go outside and have it?
Please use your wise mind and when there is a problem, instead of running away, as a grown man act maturely and try to solve that problem.
So, if your wife is uninterested in sex, what's the point going all over town and sharing that with everyone. What will they do? Isn't marriage about taking care of each other? So, do just that. Clearly, your wife has some kind of a mind block when it comes to sex and sexual intimacy. Please help her instead of seeking sex outside...
First to a good gynecologist who may then refer her to a specialist who can help her if she carries any mind blacks. She needs help from you; so be with her...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7074 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Money
Hi, I am 36 years old, married & have 1 child (3 years old). My & wife and I have combined income from a salary of 4 lakh post taxes. We are investing in the following funds & have an investment horizon of more than 15 years. Wife Aditya BSL Pure Value - 2k DSP Value Fund - 4k HDFC Small Cap - 2K JM Financial Mid Cap - 10K Kotak business cycle - 5k Kotak Emerging Equity fund - 2K Motilal Oswal large and Midcap - 10k Motila Oswal Business Cycle Fund - 10k My Self Bandhan Core Equity - 2k Baroda BNP India Consumption - 3k Franklin India Prima - 4k HDFC Mid Cap Opportunity - 2k HSBC Small Cap - 5k Kotak Special Opportunity Fund - 10K Nippon India Flexi Cap - 7.5 SBI small cap - 4k White Oak capital Large and Mid - 7.5k ICICI prudential India opportunity -10k Equity Market - 25K SGB - 10K LIC - 5.2K. I'm looking for the same investment till next 15 years. Definitely will increase the MF amount every year. I'm looking for at least 15+ Cr corpus at the age of 55. Please guide me with the existing investment
Ans: Your portfolio demonstrates impressive discipline and diversification. Your strategy aligns well with your long-term goals. Let’s evaluate your investments from different perspectives to enhance your financial journey.

Income and Savings Allocation
You and your spouse have a combined post-tax income of Rs 4 lakh monthly. This indicates a healthy cash flow for both expenses and investments.

You are currently investing a significant portion of your income. It’s commendable and reflects your commitment to wealth creation.

Ensure you have adequate emergency funds in place. Ideally, maintain 6–12 months of household expenses in liquid assets like bank deposits or liquid funds.

Regularly increase your investments in line with your income growth. This will help mitigate inflation and maintain financial discipline.

Portfolio Diversification
Your portfolio includes large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds. Let’s analyse its structure:

Equity Funds: Your portfolio has a good mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. However, there may be an overlap in holdings due to multiple funds in similar categories.

Thematic and Sectoral Funds: These add potential for higher returns but come with higher risk. Maintain their allocation within 10–15% of your portfolio.

Direct Stocks (Equity Market): A Rs 25K monthly allocation here adds direct exposure. This is suitable if you have expertise and time to track individual stocks.

Debt and Gold: Investments in Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs) and LIC provide stability. However, LIC policies may have lower returns compared to other instruments.

Steps to Optimise Your Portfolio
1. Reduce Fund Overlap
Multiple funds in similar categories can lead to duplication. Consolidate funds with similar investment styles.

For example, instead of holding several mid-cap funds, select one or two strong performers.

2. Evaluate LIC Policy
LIC is a low-return investment compared to equity funds. If you hold traditional LIC policies, consider surrendering them after a cost-benefit analysis.

Reinvest proceeds into mutual funds for better compounding over 15+ years.

3. Balance Asset Allocation
Equity investments dominate your portfolio, which is suitable for your time horizon.

Continue allocating 10–15% to debt and gold for stability. Use a debt mutual fund for better tax efficiency than LIC policies.

Keep reviewing asset allocation annually based on life events or market conditions.

4. Increase Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Amount
Increase SIPs by at least 10–15% annually to match income growth.

This disciplined approach ensures consistent wealth accumulation.

5. Review Fund Performance Regularly
Monitor fund performance every 6–12 months. Exit funds underperforming their category for over two years.

Choose funds managed by experienced fund managers with a proven track record.

6. Tax Efficiency
LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%. Keep this in mind while redeeming equity funds.

Use the tax-harvesting strategy by redeeming gains below Rs 1.25 lakh annually to minimise tax liability.

Insurance Coverage
Ensure you and your spouse have adequate term insurance covering at least 10–15 times your annual income.

A health insurance policy for the family is crucial. Consider a super top-up policy for additional coverage.

Avoid investment-linked insurance products. Term insurance is cost-effective, and mutual funds provide better returns.

Child’s Future Planning
Start a dedicated SIP for your child’s education and marriage. Allocate funds in diversified equity schemes.

Goal-based investing helps in disciplined savings and keeps you on track.

Retirement Planning
Your target corpus of Rs 15+ crore by age 55 is realistic.

Focus on equity for growth. Add balanced funds or flexi-cap funds for moderate risk-adjusted returns.

Avoid early withdrawals to benefit from compounding over 15+ years.

Thematic Investments
Funds like business cycle or thematic funds are high-risk. Keep allocation limited to avoid concentration risks.

Evaluate the suitability of these funds every three years.

Risk Management
Your equity allocation indicates a high-risk appetite. Reassess your risk profile every 3–5 years.

Avoid emotional decisions during market volatility. Stay focused on long-term goals.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline and long-term approach are excellent. Optimising your portfolio with fewer funds and higher SIP amounts will improve efficiency. Regular reviews and a clear focus on goals will ensure success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7074 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello sir, I am 49 years old male, investing rs 30000 permonth in sip since 2016 October. Getting 3lacs per month after tax deduction. Has a house loan of 40lacs 19years more with monthly emi of 40k. Has 25lacs star health insurance. Needs around 40lacs per year for 3 years for my son's abroad education from next year.... And planning to retire at 55. Kindly guide me to invest for a retirement plan (2 lacs monthly pension) and sons education. Thank you.
Ans: Your financial journey is commendable. Investing Rs 30,000 per month through SIP since 2016 is a disciplined approach. Balancing a house loan, education goals, and retirement is crucial. Let's craft a structured strategy for your priorities.

Current Financial Snapshot
Monthly Income: Rs 3 lakhs (post-tax).

House Loan EMI: Rs 40,000 monthly.

Health Insurance: Rs 25 lakhs coverage.

Education Goal: Rs 40 lakhs annually for 3 years starting next year.

Retirement Goal: Rs 2 lakhs monthly pension from 55 years.

Priority 1: Son’s Abroad Education
Your son’s education requires Rs 1.2 crore in 3 years.

Allocate current SIP investments towards this goal.

Use a mix of short-term debt funds and balanced hybrid funds.

Redeem SIPs closer to need, considering market trends.

Avoid taking high-risk equity exposure for this short-term goal.

Any surplus income or bonuses should be added to this goal.

Priority 2: House Loan Management
Your loan has a 19-year tenure, costing Rs 40,000 monthly.

Avoid prepayments now to prioritize education.

Post-education, consider reducing the loan tenure by increasing EMI.

This will help you save significant interest over the loan period.

Priority 3: Retirement Planning
You plan to retire at 55, requiring Rs 2 lakhs monthly.

This translates to Rs 24 lakhs annually post-retirement.

Inflation-adjusted corpus needed: Rs 6-7 crore (approximate).

Steps to Build the Retirement Corpus:

Increase SIP contributions once education expenses reduce.

Use a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and multi-cap mutual funds for growth.

Keep 10-15% allocation in debt funds for stability.

Review and rebalance the portfolio annually.

After 55, shift corpus to systematic withdrawal plans (SWPs) for regular income.

Suggestions for Health Insurance
Your Rs 25 lakh health insurance cover is decent but may be insufficient.

Add a super top-up plan of Rs 25-30 lakhs.

This will safeguard you against rising medical costs.

Contingency Fund
Maintain a fund for emergencies, equal to 6-12 months of expenses.

This should cover household costs and EMI.

Invest in liquid funds or fixed deposits for easy access.

Tax Planning
Your investments should align with the new tax rules.

For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term gains from equity funds attract 20% tax.

Debt funds gains are taxed as per your income slab.

Factor these into your withdrawals for education or retirement.

Investment Approach
Use actively managed funds to outperform benchmarks.

Avoid index funds due to limited flexibility in volatile markets.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner for expert guidance.

Regular plans offer the added benefit of professional advice.

Insurance Review
Evaluate your insurance policies.

If you hold LIC or ULIP policies, consider surrendering and reinvesting in mutual funds.

This will optimize returns for long-term goals.

Recommendations for the Next Steps
Education Fund: Reallocate existing SIPs to low-risk funds.

Retirement Fund: Increase SIP contributions gradually after education expenses.

Health Insurance: Enhance coverage with a super top-up plan.

Emergency Fund: Build a liquid corpus for unforeseen needs.

Finally
Your disciplined approach is inspiring. Focusing on these steps will ensure your goals are met. A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized strategies.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am a 25 year old girl. I have good job and happy career wise. I am in a relationship with a boy who is very career oriented, and runs from the marriage topic also. My parents are now behind to me to get married. I am also interested in getting married and settle in my. When I told my boyfriend about this. He gets furious. He don’t want to communicate with me on this. He don’t give any attention to my problem. He says if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done. Now everything is on me.I am very confused what to do. I can’t tell my parents about him, as he is not ready. I also have a fear, that this boy is not going to marry me, so am I leaving good boys which my parents are showing me. Am I already late...what if I don’t get anyone, will I have to compromise in my life If I will delay. Please help!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let me start with the most important thing- you are far from late. You are only 25; I would say this is your time to focus on your career and live a little. But if you are ready for marriage, then that is great too. But do not ever think that it's too late. It isn't even a little late. If anything, in today's day and age, it's early.

Now coming to your boyfriend- have you ever asked him if he has any plans to get married or if he intends to continue this relationship without ever committing to marriage? It's important that you discuss this. And his dialogue, "if you really love me then you will love and you will do whatever needed to be done" doesn't make any sense because you can tell him the same. I suggest you speak to him openly and let him know that you want to get married- if not right now, but somewhere down the line you want marriage. If his intentions are not the same, he should let you know so that you can move on and find someone who shares the same outlook as you. And, to be honest, not paying attention to your problems is concerning. In a relationship, two people should help each other out in times of trouble.

Please have the talk and reconsider the relationship according to how it goes.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I (27M) have recently started searching for prospects through Arranged Marriage Platforms. I got connected with a Lady (25F) & we seemed to be getting along quite well, through chatting & phone calls. When we were planning to meet in person, for our first Date, she picked a place which is one of the most expensive ones in our City & just a single Date over there may cost us around ?10 Thousand. Though, I am earning pretty well (?30Lakh/Annum), I am reluctant to spend so much amount on our First Date, whilst we are still in the process of getting to know each other. If I'd been Married to her, I'd be willing to spend that much for celebrating our Wedding Anniversary. But this is just our First Date & I am not even sure whether we'd be getting Married or not. The Date is scheduled for next Month & I'm still in Dilemma, whether I should request her to meet up at a more affordable venue or ask her to split the expenses, equally or proportionate to our Earning (She earns just around ?6 Lakh/Annum). I'm afraid that being so Straight-forward & upfront about Money Matters, at this stage, might give her a negative impression about me. She seems to be having a lot of Materialistic Expectations from me, as I earn much more than her & she has been hinting me about her expectations such as Expensive Gifts & Vacations abroad. Even though I am a person who's very cautious & disciplined with Money, I'd be glad to spend generously, for the happiness of my Life Partner, but not at this stage, when we haven't even committed to each other. Please suggest me, how can I handle this situation without coming off as too miserly? Moreover, I'm also planning to discuss some important matters, such as how we'd be handling our Finances in the Future. But I am worried, whether it would be appropriate to bring up this matter, in our very first personal meet-up? I'm afraid that she might Judge me as too Money-minded & I might lose out on a suitable match. Please Help me.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your concerns are completely valid. Splurging, especially at this stage, is unnecessary. Good connections can be built anywhere; expensive places play no part in it. Also, being disciplined about money is the right approach.

I understand that you are worried about coming off miserly, but you are not. You are merely being responsible. You can suggest another more affordable place and see how she reacts. If she is okay with it, then great. If not, then you should rethink this match. You don't want to marry someone who is in it for the money. Now, coming to discussing how to split the finances, I would suggest you wait a bit. A first date might not be the right place for it. If all goes well, and you think this woman can be a suitable match, bring it up politely on the second or third date, to have clarity on it early on. For instance, you can casually start by giving an example of a friend who recently got married- something like, "Rohan's wife takes care of the groceries and stuff, while he pays off the bill." And then mention that you were wondering how you two should split it if you happen to get married. It is a reasonable question and should not show you off as money-minded. It's always best to discuss these important matters in the initial stages to avoid any conflict in the future.

Hope this helps!

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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