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Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 16, 2024

Love Guru has been answering relationship and romance related questions on Rediff.com for over 13 years. She won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it. If you want a fresh perspective from an unbiased, objective-thinking individual about your relationship woes, Love Guru could just be the person you need to need to hear from.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jan 30, 2024Hindi
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Hi, During sex with my wife I asked her that will she be ok with multiple partners to solve our sexual desires.Her inner heart says ok but she is scared of doing so.Not strangers but known circles.What is ur opinion I can convince her and how can we take it forward

Ans: Marriage ideally means monogamy. Multiple partners is a slippery slope and it may do irreversible damage to your relationship. Think about it carefully; do you really want to throw away a good equation with your wife for a few rolls in the hay? Because inevitably, such “arrangements” begin to cause problems sooner or later.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2022

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Dear Anu,I would like to stay anonymous. I read your columns regularly and am located in USA. My question is regarding me and my wife. We are very happy with each other and have a very healthy sex life (Almost 4-5 times a week). We both are fond of sex and we like role playing and imaging various things. Recently we jokingly talked about me having sex with 2 ladies at the same time or she having sex with two men. This curiosity led us to discover the world of swingers. After lot of discussions, we decided to visit a swingers’ club with some hesitation. But when we entered we were surprised to see a lot of people hanging out there. We found a cute couple who we interacted with and had our first swingers experience. We both trust each other and enjoyed a lot seeing each other having fun with someone else. I believe this is basically due to the trust we have on each other. We never had any experience after that as we cannot travel much due to our kids. We think this experience has rejuvenated our sex life and kept us longing for more. We are more attached to each other than before. What are your views on this?
Ans:

Dear MP,

It depends on what the couple agrees to.

Any experiment like yours with the mutual consent of both of you, I guess is fine. But make sure that you constantly communicate with each other.

Experiments such as these can spill out insecurities, doubts, jealousies, mistrust and more.

So keep communicating with each other allowing the other person space to voice out their concerns and fears.

Everything is fine till one of you build fears and that’s when things start to go downhill. So, check in with each other regularly.

These experiments may spice up your sex life but relying on anything external can only be helpful to some extent.

Also, try spicing up your marriage between yourselves. There’s always room for more imagination and role playing and there is a load of material written on this as boredom in sex life is anyone’s challenge.

So, do give yourselves a fair chance to reinvent the game your way. Who knows, it might work!

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 16, 2023Hindi
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My wife is a 35 year old women who is sex starved inspite of me satisfying regularly . She has so much voluptuous body that I already shared here before that she is touched and rubbed most of time by strangers in bus , train , rick or in shopping market . Now she is wearing many times torn dress or sometimes going braless and panties . I m feeling little scared as she is indirectly giving invite to neighbours or friends, relatives or even vendors like milkman, security , laundry , mechanic etc to visit my house more to see her exposed parts . This may turn into unknown adventure for her. If she is not satisfied with me physically, i dont mind she having it outside but worrying that such things will never remain a secret and later can haunt our kids rather . What would you suggest me to do when her thirst is so high that she is even ready for threesome and foursome . That much signal i got when she asked me to take her with my boy group friends night out once .I haven't agreed to that till now but she may seek outside which may be more dangerous if i dont take her with my friends.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's perfectly normal to have a great sex drive BUT it's not normal to randomly invite people to sleep around with!
Is she doing this for attention or she isn't satisfied with the sex in the marriage?
Do not feel responsible for her behavior as you will not be able to step in and help her...kindly seek an appointment with the doctor who might prescribe certain tests. If she needs mind management that will help her draw self-esteem from within, then the doctor might suggest that as well. And you are right in preventing her from going with your boy gang but you will not be able to stop her from seeking action elsewhere...Getting to the root of this is the key here...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 25, 2024Hindi
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I am 45 years old and my wife is 33 years old. we have been married for 5 years. my wife is sexually very active and wanting and though I want I am unable to perform and make her happy. She is very friendly with a colleague of hers who may be in his late 30s and my wife knows he is trying to advance sexually to her. many times she shows his messages where he praises her physical appearance explicitly. She doesn't positively respond to those messages and leaves with a smile. she often goes with him for lunch or a coffee. She introduced him to me once and I joined them for dinner outside. During that dinner, she asked my permission to sit with him and I sat opposite them. They sat as if they were a couple. Daily evening she usually shares some episodes like today he came to my floor and was standing in a corner with his friend but stealing glances at me etc. There is another colleague of hers who is a little older or maybe of my age. She regularly goes with him for tea inside her office cafeteria and spends 30 minutes daily. There was a little gossip about them also by colleagues but she used to say how she ignores them to meet that colleague daily. One another colleague of hers is a little younger than her. He flirts with her openly. He messaged her once let's see how can we progress romantically. He also messages her often about her physical attributes which she passes with smileys. She never stops them nor encourages them. She shows all the messages and seemingly doesn't delete any portion of it. The stories the messages the timelines everything matches and she doesn't hide anything from me is what I believe. All the above colleagues are from different departments and she has no direct official business with them. This being the scenario, I proposed to her an open marriage option. since I know very well that she is so emotionally attached to me as ours is a love marriage and our marriage will remain intact. I only wanted her physical desires to be met. I know she shares a very good, or we can say romantic equation with the first guy I asked her to get along with his advances and I am more than happy with being intimate with him or any one of her choice. She says to me that she doesn't want to do that. I believe that she thinks I may get hurt or she is afraid that should not lead her into a complicated relationship or even worse a debauchery. Not due to principles. At the same time, she enjoys continuing with them over coffee and messages. She neither stops them nor encourages them. My question is what exactly is in her mind? What should I do? I just don't want her to suffer a life without sex and at the same time I love her the most and I want my family to be intact.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You want to play a Savior here in your situation. Your wife is simply enjoying all the attention from men and sticking to messages and coffee meets. Of course, that is causing you to feel insecure about your role in her life. (This is just a perspective for you to ponder over and NOT in support of her actions)

When she isn't interested, why are you suggesting an Open Marriage? Do you think that that's going to be an easy thing on the mind and your marriage? Too many people get involved, insecurities, jealousies...the investment in terms of time, energy and emotions will be HEAVY and then there will invariably be a pile up of emotions in terms of new romances...it ceases to be only physical and emotions get underway. A lot of emotional roller coaster rides before it settles into a calm understanding is a journey that you and your wife must be willing to travel. Are you both ready for this?

Do not use Open Marriage to ever escape the situation at hand. Contrary to what people think, it's not all pink and charming roses!
What if you actually spend the same time to woo your wife back? Bring the spark back. Sex is not the only way to bond; in many cases sex is used more as a way to fill an emotional void. So, maybe it's possible that with the effort that the two of you put in emotional bonding might actually help the two of you to spice things up in the bedroom and then the number of times won't be the issue...the spotlight will more be strengthening the emotional bond that you already share.

It's a suggestion here that you work only bringing back the spark. You never know how things can change...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |294 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 16, 2024Hindi
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I'm 28 years old guy married ..i married my uncle's daughter.i have 2 male kids.we are enjoying our life .I want to 3 more kids (2 male kids 1 female kid ).how can I make my wife convince for 3 more babies ..??pls tell me
Ans: To approach the conversation about wanting more children with your wife, start by understanding her perspective. Consider her physical and emotional well-being, her experience with the current family dynamics, and her views on expanding the family. Pregnancy and raising children are significant undertakings, and it’s important to recognize the impact on her.
It’s essential to listen to her response carefully and with an open mind. Understand that she may have concerns or reservations, such as the impact on her health, the family’s finances, or the time and energy required to raise more children. Address these concerns thoughtfully and discuss practical solutions together.

Consider discussing the potential benefits and challenges of having more children, focusing on aspects like the joy of a larger family, the sibling relationships, and how it aligns with your shared vision for the future. Make sure to talk about the practical aspects, such as financial stability and the support system you would need.

Remember that this is a joint decision. Your wife's comfort and enthusiasm about expanding the family are crucial. Be prepared for ongoing conversations and give her time to think and express her thoughts. It’s important to ensure that both of you are on the same page and are willing to move forward together.

Ultimately, the goal is to reach a decision that reflects both of your desires and respects each other's needs and well-being. This might involve compromise and patience, but approaching the conversation with empathy and openness will help you navigate it successfully.

..Read more

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