I don't share secrets with my husband any more. Though we were friends when we were dating, I've noticed he takes me for granted since we got married. He used to take so much more interest in talking and getting to know me. Now I’ve started keeping parts of my life, thoughts, and feelings to myself because I feel sharing it with him is pointless. Not because my partner is unkind, but because I don’t feel understood anymore. Why do men take their girlfriends seriously and wives for granted?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Love marriages, we assume is safeguarded against any of the usual misunderstandings that crop up in a marriage that is arranged. But, I guess when you are in love, it usually takes a spin of 'anything is fine, because I love him/her'.
What this initial understanding does is keep you in a place of 'all is fine' which comes back to haunt you later in life. Your friends need not be equal to my friends, what you like to eat may not be what I like to eat, but in love this doesn't stand a chance. So, now that this is where both of you are, what I can suggest is:
- Go back to that moment where both of you thought of coming together into a marriage.
The reason is usually ONE strong one and it is the one that needs to serve as a reminder.
- Of course, like many will tell you, sit down as two mature adults and talk about what irks either of you and giving a patient listening to one another, even when they say things against you. Remember, you are rebuilding your marriage.
- Remind yourselves how you were in love, even if you have enough evidence now against it
- Learn to celebrate each other's individual lives; Chinese and Mexican food rarely go well together, yet we learn to relish them individually, don't we?
- His silence is his defence mechanism and the only way to break it is through a lot of reassurance that he will be heard
- A lot of care and love in creating moments where you can be by yourselves minus family, friends and children (if any) can give the two of you some time to resolve the underlying issues

It takes two to build a marriage and the blame game will continue...one of you has to break the pattern to draw a different perspective where the marriage seems every bit worth it.
So, all the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are right when you worry about the way things are between you and your husband. Obviously sexual intimacy is one of the pillars for a strong marriage (and not the only pillar). And you have noticed that this intimacy has stopped after the birth of your second child.
Now, one way of looking at it is that many couples get drained in responsibilities of raising babies and building the family and this means sex can be off the table for a long long time. Is this the same with the two of you as well?
OR
It can also be that many people use sex simply as means to have children (reproduce) and not as an activity to be indulged in other than for bringing children into the world. Is your husband one of those people?
OR
When you say there is no love and intimacy between the two of you, surely this could be another reason as both of you have not bothered to take out time for yourselves where you brought in the element of trust, care, affection, love...this is the basis for other forms of intimacy as well.
Work on this better...try and become each other's friend first...he need not just assume the role of a provider and take it on so seriously that he forgets that there is a wife that needs his care. At the same time, do not insist on sex till you also make an effort to bring him into a space where he sees you as his friend and starts to trust you...

What happens in the bedroom, starts first outside the bedroom with small gestures like laughing, watching movies together, cooking, holding hands...don't jump into sex instantly...wait...be patient...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello mam. Mam, the behaviour you are telling me is not normal. It is over possessiveness. Let him be confident that you are with him only. Explain softly that you also have some needs and you also may have to meet someone or talk to someone. You make him sure that you also love him but you are not over possessive about him. So love should not be a hindrance in personal space. I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet kaur
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

Ans: Hello mam. Well, mam as time goes by in marriage both partners take each other for granted. That communication slowly fades away and only few things are left. May be your husband must ve feeling the same and is longing for your attention coz when kids are around then us time of couple vanishes. But this communication and spark can be returned by the efforts of both partners. You should take initiative. Plan some dinner out, just both of you. Spend some quality time together. Things will be good in a few weeks.
Take care!
Regards
Dr Upneet Kaur
Follow me on: https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
The biggest red flag in any relationship is when two people start to take each other for granted,
Therein goes the value that the other person has been adding into your life and the other way round. If you have to prove your worth in any relationship, it has already started to break down and needs a good intervention. I suggest that you and your husband have a conversation around this. Of course, it's likely that he might be surprised at what you say and dismiss it as your reaction to him saying that he feels the pressure. The real issue of you not feeling valued must be stated until he gets it; so start your journey...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/