Married man in interfaith seeks advice on wife's ex-boyfriend's presence

Dear Love Guru, My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations. I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months. After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it. However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter. Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour. She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour. Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier. I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped. I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives. I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations. Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required. We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days. These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship. My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family. I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life. She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely. I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me. I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible. However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative. How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier? I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter? Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.

I am 40 year old and married for 14 years but what happened in 2011 was me n my wife was working in a same company and my wife became close to a colleague on the same floor we work. She was very friendly n one day her colleague proposed her via her friend my wife didn't tell me n she felt very excited about it and after she became very friendly with him after few days she was ignoring me and she expressed her feelings too.but soon she realised she is going wrong and i noticed her changed behaviour and soon she started ignoring tht guy but he came n offered her chocolate and my wife informed me saying this guy's intentions I ask her to tie raakhi she tried but he was running away later we logged out she asked me to stop him and I forced him to him to tie raakhi and my wife was tying and he said I love u. I gve a tight slap to tht guy. Soon after he left the job. We were still working and left the office n joined different companies.after 6 months she went to same office for 2 months. And suddenly she left the job.Now after 12 years her TL met with my ex colleague and shared he working in tht office my colleague asked hey in tht same office my friend was working with his wife and her TL said ohh yeah his wife had n affair with other guy and he asked his wife to raakhi. And my ex colleague called me n said the same to me and since then I have so many doubts on my wife and after few days she confessed she had feelings for him and she already knew he likes her and she said it was just a feeling. Now we are having difference between us. Please help what can be done now I'm getting disturbed alot. 12 years this was secret.

Hi there, i am going through a difficult phase in my life, i dont know where to start but here my story goes. i work in UAE and i had a balanced and peaceful life until last November where i got married (arranged). we first met last year in march through marriage broker and everything matched, family also liked and we got married in November 2023. Before marriage we used to speak for 10-15 mins almost everyday (all casual talks and i thought everything was ok and she was the perfect match for me and my family). so after marriage i travelled back to uae and was supposed to bring her to UAE in Jan 2024. I had one past relationship for 2 years and we had broken up last year February as she was a from north of india and i was from south India and our families were against it and she wanted to go against family and get married but i was not ready as for me family became priority and we broke up. And after this relationship ended then only this match happened and after one month of my marriage my ex reached out to my wife and shared our relationship details and my wife got very upset and went back to her home. I travelled back to india to console her and tell her that it was my past and i am no longer in relation with my ex and our family involved and sorted this issue. My wife came back to us and everything was normal after that. My wife came to UAE in January 2024 and we started our married life here. All seemed good until i noticed a pattern of her taking to a person on phone everyday when i am out for office and also being very cautious with her phone. On confronting this she told its is her friend and i told her what is the point in talking to him daily for which she cried and told that i am controlling and she dont have freedom to talk to her friends. I left it as she was at home alone and bored and she was also looking for job here and may be with time she will change but still the talking continued until one day in May i was uploading her resume for her job and had access to her google photos and was shocked to see her photos with the guy whom she calls friend. There were photos of her with him after our marriage and also photos with him the day before she came to UAE. I confronted this with her and she cried and told that previously she had relation with him and parents did not agree and later she married me and had forgotten him but since she came to know about my past relationship she continued to stay in contact with him. She is not telling the complete story as i saw their photos before our marriage and even before our match happened and I have also seen her google location timelines as well. I told her to stop this if we want to continue our marriage she told ok but she still talks & chats to him through watsapp & botim because she is very secretive of her phone. She takes good care of me and tells she loves me but I am not sure she really loves me or just faking it. Now she is 3 months pregnant. I am thinking she will leave me for her ex giving me the baby after the baby is born as she mentioned this during one of our arguments. This is one side of my story and between all this my mom fell sick and upon consulting, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer stage 3A and I tried to get her the best treatment (chemo) but the cancer has spread widely and because of her age also she cannot take the treatment. Tried ayurvedic and herbal medicines but nothing can be done and doctors have told max she will live is 6 months. She is bedridden now and in pain everyday. I have a decent job in Dubai with decent salary where I have built my own house in my native and managing my home (parents in india & wife is UAE) but currently my finances is also effected very badly as I spent lot of money for our marriage and for my mothers treatment and I have loans and multiple credit cards as well. I am very stressed and all these things are eating me up daily and i don't know what to do and what went wrong and where? Even i cannot focus on my job as well. Please advise how can i go about these situation. i cannot share these to anyone also, Please advise.