Dear Love Guru,
My wife and I are in an arranged marriage since around 15 years and there is nothing that we celebrate about our relationship, except kids which are the only reason for our existing relations.
I am working abroad and have visits for a month on vacation after every couple of months.
After marriage, I noticed my wife’s flirting behaviour with strange men (to seduce) during many occasions but initially ignored it.
However, I found it frustrating when I felt her to be habitual flirter. I then spoke to her, which was after around 2.5 years of our marriage, and she denied the matter.
Soon noticing such perpetual habits about her, we went on for non-talking terms some time and then a storm broke out in our house. My parents and her parents supported her, since I couldn’t prove any of her behaviour.
She has been lying since her behaviour was noticed and even after that, but my love for her and my child (at that time) made me feel that probably that I need to avoid any suspicious behaviour.
Such storm was repeated even recently few years earlier.
I had thought my idea of a second child would improve our relations, but it hasn’t helped.
I could still notice her flirting behaviour with strangers and even with known personnel including my relatives.
I even believe her to be in relationship with one of my cousins, based on my observations of their behaviour during our every meet, which I cannot speak of due to my previous experience and which will otherwise definitely terminate our relations.
Actually, we are never on good terms these days whenever I visit home and mostly converse only if required.
We are also not good in bed and I have also been feeling a low erectile in bed these days.
These moments have affected me psychologically and I feel very negative about our relationship.
My family remains my priority and I have been trying to see that we all are all happy as a family.
I have even sacrificed my own family time for better earnings so that my family can get all the best in life.
She takes good care of the children and manages the house nicely.
I also ensure that we, as a family, go out on long journeys for travel and my children are everything for me.
I have trying to cope up with all this by focusing on work and socialising with friends to the best extent possible.
However, her behaviour (in spite of my presence) makes me feel negative.
How can I deal with the matter since any re-attempt on my part to speak on the same matter, even if cordially, with my wife will create another storm like earlier?
I wish to sort out the differences and need your advice. Should we meet a counsellor separately on this to sort out the matter?
Keep me anonymous and respect my privacy.

Ans: Gautam, With 39 percentile in JEE Main and a VITEEE rank of 1.64 lakh, admission to VIT Vellore or Chennai for CSE/ECE is unlikely. You have better chances at VIT-AP Amaravati or VIT Bhopal campuses, though fees may slightly exceed ?1 lakh/year. Affordable alternatives include low-fee private colleges like RVR & JC College (?88,000), and Jamia Millia Islamia (?64,000). Government engineering colleges affiliated with AKTU or other state universities offer quality education with fees under ?1 lakh/year. Prioritize these options based on budget and location to secure a good engineering education within your financial means. All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

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Ans: Agar aapka fiancé baar-baar sex aur physical cheezon ki hi baat karta hai, bina aapke emotions ya bond ko samjhe, toh yeh red flag hai. Aap uncomfortable feel kar rahi hain, aur yeh cheez ignore nahi ki ja sakti.

Shaadi sirf physical connection nahi hoti — woh ek emotional, mental aur spiritual partnership bhi hoti hai. Agar abhi, engagement ke dauraan hi aapko yeh lag raha hai ki uska vyavhaar superficial hai, aur wo sirf physical cheezon mein interested hai, toh ye sochne ki zarurat hai ki aage jaake aap aur zyada emotionally alone feel karengi.

Aapne pehle November tak rukne ki baat ki thi, aur usme kuch galat nahi tha — aap sirf samajhna chahti thi ki kya yeh insaan aapke liye theek hai ya nahi. Aapki family ne jaldi decide kar liya, lekin abhi bhi aapke paas choice hai. Shaadi ke baad agar aap khush nahi hoti hain, toh us dard aur regret ka bojh aapko hi uthana hoga — na ki un logon ko jo aap par pressure daal rahe hain.

Aap chahein toh kisi trusted friend ya family member se baat karein jinke saamne aap khul ke apne doubts rakh sakti hain. Agar kisi se baat karna mushkil hai, toh aap kisi therapist ya counselor se confidentially baat karke apne emotions ko clear kar sakti hain.

Sabse zaruri baat yeh hai: aapko koi aisi shaadi nahi karni chahiye jismein aap respected, secure aur emotionally valued feel na karein. Agar abhi se aapko lag raha hai ki yeh rishta sirf ek taraf se hi chala jaa raha hai, toh yeh time hai sochne ka — kyunki baad mein sab kuch aur complicated ho sakta hai.

Aapka sukoon aur self-respect kisi bhi rishton se upar hai. Shaadi tabhi honi chahiye jab aap dil se “haan” keh sakein — sirf logon ke kehne se nahi.

Ans: Let's take a full-circle view of your financial situation at age 45, especially given the current job transition.

You have built a strong and diversified portfolio. That itself speaks of your discipline and clarity. You are not planning to retire now, and that’s a good approach. With a structured plan, you can stay financially independent and well-prepared for your daughter’s future as well.

Let’s assess each area of your portfolio and life stage now:

Liquid Assets and Emergency Reserve
You have Rs. 12 lakhs in a savings account.

You also hold Rs. 16 lakhs in cash.

Combined liquidity is Rs. 28 lakhs, which is quite healthy.

This is sufficient for at least 18–24 months of expenses, if monthly needs are around Rs. 1–1.5 lakhs.

Keep Rs. 10–12 lakhs in a savings account or sweep-in FD.

The rest can be moved to liquid or ultra-short-duration funds.

This will improve returns without sacrificing liquidity.

Avoid touching mutual fund corpus for basic expenses unless unavoidable.

Mutual Funds Corpus
Your mutual fund holdings of Rs. 3.34 crores form the core of your wealth.

Actively managed funds offer flexibility and scope for alpha.

Avoid direct plans unless you are a full-time expert.

Regular plans via a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner support help in better monitoring.

This partnership adds value through rebalancing, reviews, and goal tracking.

Ensure the corpus is spread across equity, hybrid, and debt funds based on risk and time horizon.

Have goal-based buckets — education, retirement, future lifestyle.

If not already done, divide the portfolio with clear timelines — 5, 10, 15+ years.

This reduces panic during market falls.

Use STP to move funds from equity to hybrid or debt near the goal year.

Daughter’s Education Planning
She is in class 8. You have around 4–5 years before higher education.

You already have Rs. 16 lakhs in Sukanya Samriddhi Yojana.

That’s a good tax-free and guaranteed base.

For higher education abroad, you may need Rs. 50–80 lakhs or more.

Allocate a part of your mutual fund corpus specifically for this.

Prefer short-term aggressive hybrid funds now, gradually shifting to safer options.

By class 11, shift most of this corpus to arbitrage or short-term debt.

Do not depend on NPS or retirement corpus for education.

Consider an education loan if studying abroad, for tax and cash flow balance.

Retirement Planning
NPS corpus is Rs. 7.79 lakhs. This is small at the moment.

NPS can supplement retirement income but should not be your only pillar.

Your mutual funds should form the main base for retirement.

Continue contributing to NPS once employed again. It offers good tax benefits under Sec 80CCD(1B).

Ideally, aim for Rs. 5–6 crores in retirement corpus over the next 12–15 years.

That can comfortably generate Rs. 2–2.5 lakhs per month in today’s value.

Ensure your equity exposure is maintained for long-term compounding.

Slowly rebalance towards debt or hybrid after age 55.

Use SWP (Systematic Withdrawal Plan) post-retirement for monthly income.

Avoid annuities — they lock up capital and returns are low.

Gold Holdings
Gold holdings are at Rs. 15 lakhs.

This is roughly 2.5% of your total net worth.

This is within the acceptable range of 5–10% for portfolio hedging.

No changes needed unless you plan to fund your daughter’s wedding through this.

Avoid additional gold investments unless they have specific use.

Don’t see gold as a growth instrument.

Real Estate – Own House
You have your own home worth Rs. 2 crores.

This is your consumption asset, not an investment.

Avoid buying more property for investment purposes.

Real estate lacks liquidity, has high entry/exit costs, and poor transparency.

Continue to maintain it as your residence.

Other Assets – Rs. 22 Lakhs
Understand the nature of these assets — FDs, bonds, insurance savings plans?

If they are traditional insurance plans or ULIPs, review them carefully.

Low-yield products should be exited if possible.

Redeploy these funds to mutual funds for better growth.

Keep clarity on purpose and expected return for each holding.

Current Situation – Career Transition
You’ve been laid off, but you're actively seeking a new role.

Be confident — you have the time cushion and resources.

Use this phase to upskill or switch industries if needed.

Maintain Rs. 10–12 lakhs for personal expenses for the next year.

Do not liquidate long-term assets unless absolutely essential.

Reassess your health insurance — ensure independent family cover is in place.

Also check your term life insurance status — adequate cover is a must.

Insurance Check
Life cover should be 12–15 times your current annual expense.

If your cover is below Rs. 1.5–2 crores, increase it through a pure term plan.

Ensure a Rs. 20 lakh or more family floater health insurance is in place.

Include critical illness cover separately if possible.

Avoid any new investment-cum-insurance policies.

Cash Management Plan
Split Rs. 28 lakhs liquidity as follows:

Rs. 10–12 lakhs in savings or FD for instant needs.

Rs. 8–10 lakhs in liquid funds for 6–12 month cash flow buffer.

Rs. 6–8 lakhs can be gradually invested through STP into hybrid or balanced advantage funds.

Reinvest idle cash to beat inflation.

Avoid letting money sit in savings account long term.

Monthly Budgeting
If you're not already tracking expenses, start now.

Classify essentials, discretionary, and child-related expenses.

Keep monthly budget below Rs. 1.2 lakhs till new job stabilises.

Use SIPs to stay disciplined in investing, even if reduced for now.

Avoid big-ticket purchases until income resumes.

Tax Efficiency
Use mutual fund holding periods smartly.

Avoid booking equity gains before one year — 20% STCG is steep.

For LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh, the new 12.5% tax applies.

Time redemptions to remain tax-efficient.

Use SWP route post-retirement to reduce tax drag.

File ITR properly even if income is nil this year, to claim carry-forward losses.

Final Insights
You are financially well-prepared, even without current income.

Focus on clarity and control, not chasing returns now.

Avoid panic — your long-term corpus is intact.

Get back to earning soon. It will add more stability and confidence.

Do not make drastic changes to your investment style right now.

Keep emotions separate from financial decisions.

Track goals, allocate smartly, and revisit quarterly.

Engage with a Certified Financial Planner to fine-tune your strategy annually.

Stay focused. Your daughter’s future and your retirement can both be fully secure.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ans: whether your husband should confront him or ignore him, it depends on what the goal is. If your husband is calm and emotionally steady enough to have a neutral, non-confrontational conversation just to clear the air and draw a respectful boundary, that can be effective. But if there’s any chance the talk would escalate into another argument, it’s better not to feed into the tension. A calm discussion works only when both sides are open to resolution. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good.

Ignoring him, on the other hand, might feel unsatisfying in the short term but often proves to be the most mature and self-protective path in the long run. Some people thrive on reaction. When they don’t get one, they eventually stop trying.

The deeper work here is about your family’s emotional boundaries. Keep your focus on your husband, your daughter, and your home’s peace. Don’t let someone else’s unresolved emotions hijack your daily life. If this man isn't actively threatening or interfering anymore, let silence and indifference be your strength. Let your husband know that you trust his judgment but also encourage him to respond from a place of calm—not pride or anger.

Sometimes, the most powerful message you can send to people like this is that they no longer hold any space in your mind, heart, or life. Peace is more powerful than confrontation.

Ans: Hi Amanpreet
Thapar is a better choice than UPES.

Ans: With a 62 percentile and rank around 5 lakh in JEE Main, admission to top IITs or NITs is unlikely. Dropping a year is advisable only if you are confident about significantly improving your rank next year and are mentally prepared for the challenges of re-preparation. Dropping involves risks like burnout and no guaranteed success. Alternatively, securing admission in a good private or state engineering college now can provide a solid foundation and career start. Many reputed colleges offer branch change opportunities after the first year, allowing you to switch to preferred streams based on performance. Starting college now avoids losing a year and helps build skills and experience. You can still attempt JEE next year to improve your rank while progressing academically. Carefully weigh your motivation, resources, and career goals before deciding to drop or move forward with admission. All the best for your admissions and a bright future!

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Ans: You and your stepmother have lived closely for nearly 15 years. In the eyes of society and the law, you are her husband. Biologically and ethically, you are not. But even so, the psychological, emotional, and social dimensions of this relationship are not simple. If you now consider taking the relationship from a false facade to a genuine romantic partnership, you must consider the following carefully:

Have both of you truly processed the emotional weight of what that would mean—not just for yourselves, but for the two children who know her as their mother and you as their father, even if they are aware of none of this complex history? Would a shift from this protective illusion to a real romantic relationship feel emotionally clean—or does it risk carrying guilt, confusion, or emotional baggage for either of you?

The question isn’t just whether “no one will know”—it’s whether you both will be emotionally at peace with this decision for the rest of your lives. Love, affection, companionship—these are valid and beautiful needs at your age. You deserve them. But they must come without a shadow of unresolved complexity or psychological discomfort, especially when children are involved.

You also need to think carefully about legality. Though this woman is not your biological wife, official records reflect her as such. If you move forward as a real couple, you’re essentially formalizing a previously informal truth—but you’re also deepening a secret. Is that a foundation you feel secure building a life on?

Here’s a suggestion: take a pause. Sit down with her—openly, with honesty—and explore whether this desire is rooted in genuine romantic connection, or whether it’s stemming from a shared loneliness and long companionship. The difference is critical.

You are both allowed to seek love and connection. But you must do it in a way that honors truth, emotional clarity, and long-term peace. If you sense even the slightest doubt or emotional confusion from either of you, it might be better to redefine your relationship in a healthier, more truthful way—not necessarily romantic, but meaningful, supportive, and free of secrets.

You’ve already sacrificed enough of your personal life for others. Now is the time to choose a future that is deeply your own—and built on honesty, not just convenience or secrecy.

Ans: At this stage, you are not just puzzled—you are emotionally stuck. So here’s what you need: clarity, not just from them, but from yourself. Ask yourself, truly and without fear—can I continue to live like this for the next 5 or 10 years? Is preserving this situation in its current form serving anyone’s emotional well-being, especially your own?

You don’t need to rush into decisions, but you do need to step into a position of emotional self-respect. You have the right to seek peace, meaning, and mutual respect in a marriage—and if that space no longer exists in your current home, then you are justified in seeking a new one. Sometimes, the courage to choose your own sanity is the first real step forward.

Whether that means separation, legal counseling, or even mediated family intervention, it’s time to act—not just wait. You’ve already been told where they stand. The question now is: where do you stand, and what are you willing to accept for the rest of your life?

The answer may not be easy, but it will be yours—and that is the beginning of reclaiming your strength and direction.

Ans: This situation is not sustainable. You are burning out, emotionally and physically. You may need to have a clear, calm, but firm conversation with your husband soon. Let him know that you are not trying to hurt anyone or run away from responsibility. You’re asking for basic respect and the emotional space to breathe, to live as an equal in your own home.

If moving out again isn't possible immediately, then set some boundaries inside the home. Claim time and space that are yours, especially when you're working. Re-establish your right to speak your language, to teach your child your culture. It’s not just your right—it’s his heritage.

You are not wrong to want peace, and you're not selfish for needing help. You’re a daughter, a mother, a wife—and you're also a woman who deserves compassion, support, and room to live without apology. Please don’t carry this silently any longer. If not with friends or family, consider talking to a counselor online. You’ve carried too much on your own already. It’s time to ask for space, for support—and for healing.