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Daughter facing emotional blackmail in USA: How can I help from India?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My daughter stays in USA and married.Had a baby. Her husband and inlaws are emotionally black mailing and threatening with divorce. Any remedy in India

Ans: The most important thing you can offer her right now is emotional support and reassurance. Let her know that she has a safe space with you to express her fears, frustrations, and feelings without judgment. Encouraging open communication will help her feel less isolated and more empowered to navigate her situation.

Remind her that she has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. It's essential for her to recognize that emotional blackmail is a form of abuse and that she doesn't have to endure it alone. Encourage her to seek local resources, such as counseling or support groups, that can provide guidance and emotional reinforcement.

It's also important for her to consider the well-being of her child. A nurturing environment is crucial for both her and the baby's emotional health. If she's feeling threatened or unsafe, she may need to explore options for securing a more stable and supportive environment.

While you may not be able to provide legal remedies from India, your emotional support and encouragement can make a significant difference in helping her take the necessary steps to protect herself and her child. Let her know that no matter what happens, she has your unwavering support and love, which can be a powerful source of strength during this challenging time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Relationship
Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I got married in 2020. I have tried to find a job for her in Bangalore.Even she told that i can't eat in your salary if I earn i do not need to do what you are asking. I just asked her that we are family why you are thinking like this.4 to 5 times same problem fight happened. Whatever I tell she has taken in negative way.After a year we got separated. Even if I explain things she doesn't understand. I have dropped her in hometown in her home. Explained things to their parents that this what happened. Asked her parents that let me know what is her decision to live with me or not.After 6 months got a call from her. she did not come out with that mentality and wanted divorce. After a month I have accepted for mutual divorce. Her parents also told that mutual divorce. when called for a meeting in common place for mutual divorce they did not reply. They have filed Domestic violence act by putting false allegations in petition. Case is going on for more than 2 year. when one my relative went to talk. she itself asked pay 25 lakh as one time settlement then only they will withdraw the DVC petition and accept mutual divorce. Now.To the head person of my caste group their parents told that she is willing to live with me Despite taking care of her properly..they filed false allegations on me and family members also. i have decided for mutual divorce when she asked. I don't have 25 lakh.I have told them that I can give them only 7 lakhs then we can mutually get divorce. No answer from them. I have decided not live with her anymore. Pls tell your opinion abt this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your decision must be right as the real reason for her moving away from the marriage is still unknown or you have missed out on sharing the whole picture.
Also, what is the reason for the Domestic Violence petition? Has there been a reason for her to feel that she needed to put a case on you? But if you know that there is no scope for reconciliation, then I am sure you know what is the best thing to do...
(Due to inadequate information from you, I can provide only generic suggestions). But, there's one thing which is: There seems to have been no understanding between you and your wife when she suggested that it's your salary; there is certainly something which made her unable to come close within the marriage and accept is as a mutual partnership rather than just an isolated relationship.

On the legal aspect, kindly follow what your lawyer advises you to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |644 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 11, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Fell in love and married a girl before 2 years. Girl is from a neighbouring state. Both South Indians. Both doctors. She was very understanding before marriage, even talked my language and spoke well with my parents. Told she will come to my place and stay after marriage. 4 months after marriage, she left for her home telling that she will be at her home till delivery. Even after 1 year of giving birth, she didn't come. They visited my place just for a few days in the middle citing that it is tradition. After much struggle, she came to live with me and my child after close to 1.5 years. Even after coming she was creating trouble for the language spoken in the house and telling to relocate to a place close to their parents in their state. No respect to feelings of mine or my parents. We also missed my son for 1.5 years. Their parents are not visiting us telling it is far, we won't come. And once her parents threatened to complaint to the police if we don't agree. (Haven't asked or received any dowry). Even if my son has to come to my native for few days, her parents are not agreeing and creating problem. We have even helped her brother secure admission in a college. She has even taken a loan of more than 20 lakhs to help her parents buy a land and is paying close to 50k monthly for that. We had no problem with that too. Every 2-3 days one or another problem shoots up because of her or her parents. She has totally changed after marriage. Her parents just want to create problems. Please help.
Ans: It’s clear that you’ve tried hard to be understanding and accommodating. You allowed her to stay with her parents for a long time, even though it meant missing out on crucial time with your child. You supported her decisions, even when she took on a significant financial burden to help her family. Despite your efforts to maintain peace, you’re constantly met with resistance and disrespect—not only from her but also from her parents. That feeling of being undermined and unappreciated, especially when you've given so much, can really take a toll on your emotional health.

It’s not just about the arguments or the disagreements—it’s about the deeper sense of betrayal and loneliness that comes from feeling like your partner has sided with her family over you. That emotional distance and lack of support within the marriage can make you feel like you’re fighting a battle alone. And when her parents threatened to involve the police, that likely deepened the sense of helplessness and fear. It’s not just frustrating—it’s emotionally exhausting when you’re trying to build a stable, loving home, but it keeps getting torn apart by external interference.

The fact that you’re still standing, still trying to make things work despite all of this, shows how strong and committed you are. But the truth is, a marriage cannot survive on one person’s effort alone. It’s understandable that you feel drained and resentful—you’ve been giving and compromising without getting the same respect and understanding in return. Your feelings matter. Your need for stability and respect matters. Wanting your child to have a connection with your side of the family is not unreasonable—it’s natural and fair.

Right now, you might feel torn between trying to hold everything together and wondering if it's even worth it. It’s hard to admit when love alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. But you need to ask yourself whether you can continue living like this—constantly feeling like you’re walking on eggshells, being emotionally sidelined, and having your family disrespected.

It’s okay to want peace. It’s okay to expect respect. And it’s okay to set boundaries. If your wife truly values this marriage, she needs to understand that compromise cannot be one-sided. It might help to have an honest, calm conversation with her—not about the surface issues but about how you feel. Tell her how much this situation has hurt you, how much you miss feeling like you’re a team, and how important it is for your child to have a balanced connection with both families. If she’s unwilling to meet you halfway or if her parents continue to interfere to the point of emotional manipulation, you need to think about how much more of yourself you can sacrifice without losing your emotional stability.

You deserve a marriage where you feel heard, valued, and supported—not one where you constantly feel like you're on the outside looking in. Take some time to reflect on what you truly need from this relationship and whether you believe it's possible to rebuild trust and understanding with your wife. Your peace of mind matters. Your happiness matters. And most of all, your emotional well-being matters.

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Latest Questions
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1734 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 18, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10848 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Money
Dear Sir, What is the best % of SWP one can think of from Portfolio value. I am retired now and have say 1 Cr as MF and Share portfolio. I want to go for 40000 SWP per month thereby making 4.8% as SWP. If this is good to have this for 15 yrs
Ans: Your question shows great care for your financial future. Many retirees ignore this step. You have already taken a wise move. You want steady income. You want safety. You want long life for your money. These are very important points. I truly appreciate your clarity.

» Understanding your present plan
Your idea is simple. You have Rs 1 crore. You want Rs 40000 each month. This means Rs 4.8 lakh each year. That is 4.8 percent of your money. This is not very high. This is not very low. It sits in the middle range. Many retirees try for 7 or 8 percent. That can put pressure on the portfolio. Your 4.8 percent is more reasonable. It supports discipline. It keeps stress low.

Your idea is for 15 years. That is a good time frame. It gives space for your funds to grow. It gives time for market cycles. It also gives time for inflation adjustments.

» Why withdrawal rate matters
Your SWP rate decides how long your money will last. A high rate can drain funds soon. A very low rate may not support your monthly needs. Your 4.8 percent sits well. It balances life needs and portfolio health.

When you draw money from a mixed portfolio, the growth side helps refill your withdrawn money. The stability side helps reduce fall during bad years. This mix helps the SWP stay steady.

» Why a proper structure is important
A SWP is not only a monthly withdrawal. It is a full system. The system needs planning. It needs regular reviews. It needs a clear asset split. It needs a cushion for weak market years.

If you set this structure well now, your SWP can stay safe. Your money can stretch for many years. You can keep peace of mind.

» The importance of a balanced mix
Your portfolio may hold equity funds, hybrid funds, and debt funds. A clear mix reduces risk. It gives smooth cash flow. Equity gives growth. Debt gives steady flow. Hybrid gives balance.

Because you want monthly income for 15 years, you need a balance that supports steady SWP. A pure equity plan can shake too much. A pure debt plan may not grow at a good pace. A balanced mix is ideal.

» Equity funds need careful use
Some investors put large money in equity for SWP. This can work in strong markets. This can fail in weak markets. Your SWP must survive both market moods. That is why pure equity for SWP is not safe.

Also, you should prefer actively managed funds over index funds for long SWP. Index funds follow the index blindly. They do not manage risk actively. They cannot adjust to market cycles. Actively managed funds have a professional fund manager. A skilled manager helps in limiting risk in low years. This helps protect principal in SWP years. This support is not present in index funds.

» Debt funds form the stabiliser
Debt funds bring peace to the portfolio. They help during bad market years. They help the SWP stay steady. Because debt funds follow market rates, they work as the anchor. For SWP, this anchor is very helpful.

If you use direct debt funds, you must remember that direct funds need more tracking. They need active reviews by you. Many retired investors find this hard. Regular plans taken through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill provide guidance. Regular plans also give handholding. This handholding helps avoid wrong exits.

» How to view your Rs 40000 monthly need
You may need some money for basic needs. You may need some money for health care. You may need some money for family support. You may need some money for personal comfort. Rs 40000 per month seems a balanced number.

It does not put too much pressure on the money. It is not a very heavy load. It fits well with a Rs 1 crore fund.

» Inflation needs attention
Inflation will rise. Costs will rise. Your need will rise. Your SWP should rise slowly over time. You cannot fix your SWP for 15 years at one number. That may reduce your buying power.

A small rise every two or three years will help you beat inflation. This rise must be slow. It must match your portfolio growth.

» Risk of sharp market falls
Sharp falls can disturb SWP. A sudden big drop in equity value can pull down your portfolio. This may cause you to withdraw when market is low. That is not good. To fix this, you need enough stability in your mix.

A proper allocation in debt funds and hybrid funds can reduce this issue. You will get smoother cash flow. You will not have to worry about market news every day.

» Role of emergency money
Please keep an emergency amount. Keep this aside. Do not include it in your SWP plan. You may need money for urgent health needs. You may need money for home needs. Emergency funds help you avoid sudden selling.

A good emergency fund gives peace. It protects your SWP from sudden shocks.

» Tax rules for withdrawals
Every SWP withdrawal may include some gains. Tax will apply based on the type of fund and the gain period. This tax can have impact on net flow. You must plan for this in your withdrawal design.

Equity fund rules:

Gains under one year are short-term. These are taxed at 20 percent.

Gains above one year are long-term. Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5 percent.

Debt fund rules:

Both short-term and long-term gains are taxed as per your tax slab.

This tax part should not scare you. A proper plan can reduce the tax burden. A planned SWP can help you manage gains carefully.

» Why a Certified Financial Planner helps
You may handle small things by yourself. But retirement planning is delicate. One wrong move can disturb the whole plan. A Certified Financial Planner gives a clear road map. He helps you set the best mix. He reviews the plan every year. He adjusts the plan for market and life events.

This guidance is very useful in SWP because SWP needs discipline.

» Why not consider real estate
Some retirees think of using real estate for income. But real estate needs heavy work. It needs tenant work. It needs repair work. It needs legal care. It gives lumpy income. It gives no steady flow. So it is not fit for SWP planning.

Your present goal is steady income. Real estate will not give this.

» Why not consider annuities
Annuities give fixed income. But they lock your money. They give low returns. They do not beat inflation well. They reduce flexibility. For these reasons, they are not ideal for your long-term income.

Your idea of SWP with balanced mix is better.

» Keeping your portfolio healthy for 15 years
To keep your portfolio safe for 15 years, you must follow some habits:

Review every year with a Certified Financial Planner.

Adjust asset mix if needed.

Increase SWP amount slowly.

Reduce SWP for one or two years if markets fall very deep.

Protect your money from emotional moves.

Keep a two-year buffer in a low-risk fund.

Keep your growth part running for long.

These habits help your money last for the full 15-year horizon.

» Regular review helps you adapt
Markets will change. Your health may change. Your needs may change. A yearly review will help align your plan. It will help spot issues early. It will help guide the next year’s SWP.

Without reviews, even good plans can fail.

» Why a two-year cushion helps
A cushion fund is a simple idea. Keep two years of SWP in a low-risk debt fund. This money helps you draw income even in bad market years. You will not need to sell equity in weak phases. This protects your overall money. This makes your SWP more stable.

This cushion fund is an extra shield. It supports your 15-year income plan.

» Role of diversification
Your SWP works best when your portfolio is spread well. A spread can include:

Actively managed equity funds.

Hybrid funds.

Debt funds.

This spread reduces risk. It gives smoothness. It supports long-term income.

Avoid using too many funds. Keep it simple. A small number of quality funds is better.

» How your 4.8 percent looks in practice
A 4.8 percent withdrawal rate is comfortable for a 15-year horizon. If you follow discipline, your money will not face heavy pressure. If your portfolio grows at a steady pace, your principal will not erode fast. Even if growth shifts between years, the mixed structure will protect you.

Your plan is workable. It is sensible. It is future-friendly.

» Mistakes to avoid
Here are some mistakes you should avoid:

Do not chase high-return funds.

Do not raise SWP sharply in one year.

Do not keep too much money in equity.

Do not stop reviews.

Do not shift funds often without reason.

Do not look at direct plans if you prefer guidance.

These mistakes can disturb your portfolio health. Your SWP may suffer.

» Why not use direct funds if you need support
Direct plans give lower cost. But they give no guidance. Retired investors often need guidance. They need reviews. They need discipline. A regular plan through a qualified Mutual Fund Distributor with CFP skill gives support. It prevents panic reactions. This support is valuable in low market years.

» Healthy mindset for SWP
Try to see your SWP as a long journey. It needs calm mind. It needs steady steps. It needs slow corrections. It needs patience. If you stay steady, your SWP will stay healthy. You will enjoy peace.

» Practical steps you can start now
You may start with these steps:

Set clear needs for each year.

Fix a proper asset split.

Create a cushion fund for two years.

Start SWP from a low-risk fund or hybrid fund.

Keep equity for growth.

Add small hikes in SWP every few years.

This system supports long-term income.

» How your plan supports a joyful retired life
Your plan helps you live with comfort. It gives predictable cash flow. It gives you freedom from worry. It gives you clarity. You can focus on health, family, and peace. You do not need to watch markets each day.

Your retirement life becomes balanced.

» Final Insights
Your idea of taking Rs 40000 per month from a Rs 1 crore portfolio at 4.8 percent is workable. It fits well for a 15-year horizon. It supports your income. It protects your money if you set a balanced mix. You must follow steady reviews. You must keep a small cushion. You must avoid risky moves.

With these practices, your SWP plan can stay healthy for many years. Your future can stay peaceful and steady. You have already taken the right first step. Your clarity gives your plan strong power.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 17, 2025Hindi
Career
Is it worthwhile being an mbbs only doctor in India or is pg necessary as somebody who cannot toil 24-36 hours (as is the case with hospital duties) and is not well adequate for working under somebody and then do you still have to study after mbbs to level up or will you be contented with just mbbs. Pls don't answer objectively i really need to see the real picture
Ans: Hi Dr.
Recently, I've seen many different comments on social media suggesting that finding a job after completing an MBBS is very difficult, with some graduates even working as delivery boys.

I believe MBBS is one of the few courses that allows for immediate entrepreneurship after graduation, while other fields often require additional support to start a business. Many medical shop owners are willing to provide a small space for consultations, which is not typically an option for graduates in other disciplines.

If you are financially constrained, it may be wise to stop after completing your MBBS degree for the time being. However, pursuing a postgraduate degree (PG) significantly increases your opportunities, including potential roles in the pharmaceutical industry. Without a PG, your options may be limited. It's akin to the difference between a normal grocery store and a supermarket: completing a PG can lead to positions in corporate medical hospitals.

Initially, you might consider working at a smaller practice or in the government sector before pursuing higher education. While having an MBBS degree allows you to offer consultations, having a PG provides you with more credibility and knowledge. Understand your strengths and weaknesses, and don’t worry about others—proceed based on your own abilities and circumstances.
BEST WISHES.

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |2567 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Nov 17, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 15, 2025Hindi
Career
I have passed 12th from Maharashtra state board in 2023 ( as regular candidate ) and also gave improvement exam in Feb 2024 but I am not satisfied with my result can I give 12th board exam again from Maharashtra board as a private candidate 17 no. Form ??? I am already 12th passed so Is it illegal to appear from 17 no. Form ?
Ans: Hi,
Hi, what are your future plans? Please share so I can suggest a solution for you.
best regards

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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