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Daughter facing emotional blackmail in USA: How can I help from India?

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |552 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 06, 2025

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

My daughter stays in USA and married.Had a baby. Her husband and inlaws are emotionally black mailing and threatening with divorce. Any remedy in India

Ans: The most important thing you can offer her right now is emotional support and reassurance. Let her know that she has a safe space with you to express her fears, frustrations, and feelings without judgment. Encouraging open communication will help her feel less isolated and more empowered to navigate her situation.

Remind her that she has the right to be treated with respect and dignity. It's essential for her to recognize that emotional blackmail is a form of abuse and that she doesn't have to endure it alone. Encourage her to seek local resources, such as counseling or support groups, that can provide guidance and emotional reinforcement.

It's also important for her to consider the well-being of her child. A nurturing environment is crucial for both her and the baby's emotional health. If she's feeling threatened or unsafe, she may need to explore options for securing a more stable and supportive environment.

While you may not be able to provide legal remedies from India, your emotional support and encouragement can make a significant difference in helping her take the necessary steps to protect herself and her child. Let her know that no matter what happens, she has your unwavering support and love, which can be a powerful source of strength during this challenging time.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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Mam, I am retired father in law and financial well off. My son got married five years back. It is arranged marriage through matrimony. My son and daughter in law are both post degree qualified and well placed and staying with us. We tried asking for some money from both of them for monthly family expenses after two years of marriage which daughter in law refused and said you want dowry in this form, she record conversations, threat us of stree mukti, of police complaint , object our daughter visiting our place, blames us etc. Very often, she fight with her husband as well. We are only in reactive mode every time and accommodate her. Nowadays, she has started demanding the money spent by her mother in marriage and frequently leave our house and stay with her mother. We are afraid that she does not fake complain and harrasss us. Does not have any respect to relation, relatives, isolated /self centric, high ego and make other irritate type of personality, thinks of herself, does not believe that there is world outside. Please advise.
Ans: Dear Subhash,
Since I only have your version of the story, I can only assume that you are going through a rough patch. But I do believe it takes two sides in any story. Why is it that your daughter-in-law wants to all of a sudden behave this way? Were things fine in the initial years of marriage?
Why the sudden demand of money from you when you say that she is well-placed? Surely something seems amiss here.
Anyway, it is worrisome when your own people behave in this way. You are also justified in feeling that she may make a false complaint. Where is your son's mind in this matter? I think he should also be worried about the way things are changing. Is he unable to or has he tried to talk to his wife? At this point, let no one else interfere and let him be the sole person to deal with her.
He knows the challenges at home and will know what to do. So kindly request your son to step in (if he hasn't already done that) and sort this out in the most amicable manner. This first step will then determine the future course of action.
Having said this, I do want the family to recall if there has been any instance that has triggered your daughter-in-law to act this way. That will give you an idea to proceed in the right direction.

Best wishes!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 16, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 13, 2023Hindi
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Hi, I married 1year ago my wife told me she was forced to do a marriage against her concern and she didn't want the marriage life and wanted to live as strangers, also she refused to take wife responsibilities at home i have waited trusting she would change but within 3 months she had medical issues and went to her home for treatment. after informing all her activities now her father is threating me and my family, also making false allegations against me for all her problems. Now he is demanding to go separately from my parents to send her back. if not they will file case against me in the court and make me and my family suffer. Now she was not telling the truth with their parents about her mindset and acting according to their portents guidance that i am the reason for her medical issues and she was not interested in the marriage because i didn't take care of her well. she have depression and anxiety issues from childhood her mother refused to see her face when she was born, as 5th girl child as they expect atleast 1 boy kid she said this to a doctor. she faces refusal and ignorance in her family she said this too the doctor i dont know the truth behind it. she has chronic gastritis also she is under weight (35kgs still at 27years old) and cant increase weight even after trying for 5 years of medication. Doctor suggested for a therapy but she refused to come with because she already had therapy before which we don't know. . even though we lived in same house but she lived in separate room all the days she was with me. Now due to her inability to handle her father she is acting along with them like i was the one who refusing her. Her father even knows about all these matters to hide is fraud he is now threatening me like police case and court. I did nothing wrong in this except married her. what should i do now ?. And I lost hope that she would change here after.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There are many cases like yours where men are being trapped with false allegations.
First evaluate:
Do I want this marriage to continue?
If YES, I feel it's time your parents also step in to state your side of the story. It will be an uphill task to bring her back as she clearly had mentioned to you that she was forced into this marriage. Also, how do you plan on working out the home situation given that the condition is that you separate from your parents?

If NO, will you be able to prove all the allegations put on you are false? Hire a good lawyer, because you will surely need one. Tread carefully and make very calculated moves in terms of what you say (even if it's on a text message) as everything can be held against you. Your lawyer will advise you on this.

So, time to think what is the best option...lay all the cards on the table and play this very carefully...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1540 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 17, 2024Hindi
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Hi Mam, I got married in 2020. I have tried to find a job for her in Bangalore.Even she told that i can't eat in your salary if I earn i do not need to do what you are asking. I just asked her that we are family why you are thinking like this.4 to 5 times same problem fight happened. Whatever I tell she has taken in negative way.After a year we got separated. Even if I explain things she doesn't understand. I have dropped her in hometown in her home. Explained things to their parents that this what happened. Asked her parents that let me know what is her decision to live with me or not.After 6 months got a call from her. she did not come out with that mentality and wanted divorce. After a month I have accepted for mutual divorce. Her parents also told that mutual divorce. when called for a meeting in common place for mutual divorce they did not reply. They have filed Domestic violence act by putting false allegations in petition. Case is going on for more than 2 year. when one my relative went to talk. she itself asked pay 25 lakh as one time settlement then only they will withdraw the DVC petition and accept mutual divorce. Now.To the head person of my caste group their parents told that she is willing to live with me Despite taking care of her properly..they filed false allegations on me and family members also. i have decided for mutual divorce when she asked. I don't have 25 lakh.I have told them that I can give them only 7 lakhs then we can mutually get divorce. No answer from them. I have decided not live with her anymore. Pls tell your opinion abt this.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Your decision must be right as the real reason for her moving away from the marriage is still unknown or you have missed out on sharing the whole picture.
Also, what is the reason for the Domestic Violence petition? Has there been a reason for her to feel that she needed to put a case on you? But if you know that there is no scope for reconciliation, then I am sure you know what is the best thing to do...
(Due to inadequate information from you, I can provide only generic suggestions). But, there's one thing which is: There seems to have been no understanding between you and your wife when she suggested that it's your salary; there is certainly something which made her unable to come close within the marriage and accept is as a mutual partnership rather than just an isolated relationship.

On the legal aspect, kindly follow what your lawyer advises you to do...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Niharikka

Niharikka Budhwani  |13 Answers  |Ask -

Dietician, Lifestyle, Nutrition Expert - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

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my age is 50 & weight is 75 KGs. Height is 5 feet 4 inch. i am not taking any type of medicine. i walk daily 10000 steps but not in one go. please suggest me to reduce weight.....
Ans: Hey Amar,

To lose weight, you need to create a calorie defict. Which means you need to eat less than what your body burns. Sounds technical but if you just follow your body's hunger-satiation signals it should be good. There are a couple of ways you can manage to feel full
1. Have a glass of water 15-20 min before your meals. This will help you understand exactly how hungry you are when you sit to eat your main meals.
2. Have a balanced meal. Have 2 servings of vegetables (salads/sabzi), 1 serving of protein and 1 serving of carbohydrates (roti/rice). This will ensure you don't over eat and exceed your caloric requirements
3. Remove 30 minutes for exercise at least 5-6 days a week. We cannot eat very less calories since that can compromise our nutrient intake and create deficiencies in long run. And exercise is the simplest form to create calorie deficit to compliment your fat loss journey.
4. Try to sleep before 12am. Sleep plays a very vital role in your fat loss journey. Research states that inadequate sleep leads to fat gain and also, excess caloric intake. So clock in 7-9 hours of good quality sleep.
5. If you routine is stressful then ensure to practise deep breathing exercise, or yoga or meditation to manage stress. Cortisol (stress hormone) is responsible for fat deposition around the belly. So manage your stress levels and prioritise mental health.

Losing weight is simple, all it requires is discipline and consistency. And the journey doesn't end when you achieve that number on your weighing scale. I always give an example of income. For income, you need a job, if you lose the job you lose your income. The same way if you want to sustain weight, you need to keep the diet and lifestyle healthy forever. So, keep the diet sustainable. :)

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8068 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

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Hello Sir i am planning to go with SBI Magnum Children's Benefit Fund- Investment Plan- Direct Plan - Growth. and pls suggest can i go with lumsum of 300000. Can you please suggest is this is good
Ans: Investing in a children's benefit fund can be a good decision. But you need to assess if it fits your goals.

Your chosen scheme is a hybrid mutual fund. It invests in both equity and debt. This type of fund offers balanced growth and stability.

Let’s evaluate its suitability from different angles.

Understanding Hybrid Mutual Funds for Children's Investment
Hybrid funds invest in a mix of equity and debt.

The equity portion helps in long-term growth.

The debt portion offers stability in market downturns.

This balance makes them less volatile than pure equity funds.

However, hybrid funds may not give the highest returns over the long term.

Factors to Consider Before Investing
1. Investment Goal and Time Horizon
This fund is designed for child-related goals.

If your goal is long-term (10+ years), equity funds may offer better returns.

If your goal is short-term (3-5 years), hybrid funds may be better.

A mix of equity and debt funds may offer more flexibility.

2. Risk-Return Profile
Hybrid funds have lower risk than equity funds.

However, they also deliver lower returns.

If you are comfortable with volatility, equity mutual funds may be better.

If you want moderate growth with less risk, hybrid funds can be considered.

3. Tax Efficiency
Equity-oriented hybrid funds have the same tax rules as equity funds.

Long-term capital gains (LTCG) above Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

Debt-oriented hybrid funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

If tax efficiency is a concern, consider equity mutual funds for long-term goals.

Evaluating Lumpsum Investment of Rs 3 Lakh
1. Market Timing Risk
A lumpsum investment carries timing risk.

If the market is at a peak, your returns may be lower.

If the market falls, your portfolio will take a hit.

Instead, you can use a Systematic Transfer Plan (STP).

This allows you to invest gradually, reducing market risk.

2. Alternative: Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
A SIP spreads your investment over time.

This reduces the impact of market fluctuations.

If you want lower risk, consider investing in smaller amounts over time.

3. Liquidity and Accessibility
Mutual funds offer liquidity.

However, some children's investment plans have lock-in periods.

Check the exit load before investing.

Ensure the fund allows withdrawals when needed.

Comparing with Actively Managed Equity Funds
Actively managed equity funds can offer better long-term returns.

These funds are handled by professional fund managers.

They adjust the portfolio based on market conditions.

Over long periods, actively managed funds can outperform hybrid funds.

If your child’s goal is more than 10 years away, consider equity funds.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
1. Disadvantages of Direct Plans
Direct plans do not provide guidance from experts.

You need to track and manage your portfolio yourself.

Without professional advice, you may make emotional investment decisions.

Market movements may tempt you to exit at the wrong time.

2. Benefits of Regular Plans with a CFP
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) helps you align investments with goals.

They guide you in rebalancing and tax planning.

They can help you avoid common investment mistakes.

A CFP can recommend better alternatives if needed.

Alternative Investment Options
1. Flexi Cap and Large Cap Funds
These funds provide long-term capital appreciation.

Large-cap funds invest in stable, well-established companies.

Flexi-cap funds allow fund managers to invest across market caps.

These funds may offer better returns for long-term goals.

2. Small Cap and Mid Cap Funds
Small-cap and mid-cap funds can deliver high growth.

They are riskier but perform well over long periods.

If your risk tolerance is high, you may allocate some funds to these.

3. Debt Funds for Short-Term Goals
If your goal is in 3-5 years, consider debt funds.

They offer stability and predictable returns.

Debt funds have lower tax efficiency but are safer.

Final Insights
Hybrid funds offer balanced risk and return.

They are suitable for medium-term goals (5-8 years).

For long-term goals, equity funds may provide better returns.

Investing Rs 3 lakh in one go carries market timing risk.

Consider SIP or STP to reduce this risk.

Work with a CFP to optimise your investment plan.

Review your portfolio regularly and rebalance if needed.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |4255 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 03, 2025

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Career
Sir I get 77.88%ile in 1st attempt, Gen-EWS candidate. As a student I'll definitely try to increase my score but would you clarify me what I get on the basis of this score any good GFTI . I have no chance to go south states and west Bengal, My parents only allow me to states in north like delhi, Up please guide me sir
Ans: You can take part in the JAC-Delhi Counselling Process, Saiyam. If your parents can afford it or if you get a scholarship, write 4-5 more entrance tests as backups. This will give you a Plan B and Plan C. If you want to know if you are eligible for GFTI, please read the answer I have been giving to people who have asked the same question based on their percentile score in the January session of JEE-Main.

How to Predict Your Chances of Admission into NIT-Warrangal or any other NITs or IIIT or GFTI After JEE Main Results – A Step-by-Step Guide for you.

Once the January JEE Main session results are declared, many students and JEE applicants start asking common questions about eligibility for specific institutes (NITs, IIITs, GFTIs, etc.) based on their percentile, category, preferred branch, and home state.

Providing precise admission chances for each student can be challenging. Some reputed educational websites offer ‘College Predictor’ tools where you can check possible college options based on your percentile, category, and preferences. However, for a more accurate understanding, here’s a simple yet effective 9-step method using JoSAA’s past-year opening and closing ranks. This approach gives you a fair estimate (though not 100% exact) of your admission chances based on the previous year’s data.

Step-by-Step Guide to Check Your Admission Chances Using JoSAA Data
Step 1: Collect Your Key Details
Before starting, note down the following details:

Your JEE Main percentile
Your category (General-Open, SC, ST, OBC-NCL, EWS, PwD categories)
Preferred institute types (NIT, IIIT, GFTI)
Preferred locations (or if you're open to any location in India)
List of at least 3 preferred academic programs (branches) as backups (instead of relying on just one option)
Step 2: Access JoSAA’s Official Opening & Closing Ranks
Go to Google and type: JoSAA Opening & Closing Ranks 2024
Click on the first search result (official JoSAA website).
You will land directly on JoSAA’s portal, where you can enter your details to check past-year cutoffs.
Step 3: Select the Round Number
JoSAA conducts five rounds of counseling.
For a safer estimate, choose Round 4, as most admissions are settled by this round.
Step 4: Choose the Institute Type
Select NIT, IIIT, or GFTI, depending on your preference.
If you are open to all types of institutes, check them one by one instead of selecting all at once.
Step 5: Select the Institute Name (Based on Location)
It is recommended to check institutes one by one, based on your preferred locations.
Avoid selecting ‘ALL’ at once, as it may create confusion.
Step 6: Select Your Preferred Academic Program (Branch)
Enter the branches you are interested in, one at a time, in your preferred order.
Step 7: Submit and Analyze Results
After selecting the relevant details, click the ‘SUBMIT’ button.
The system will display Opening & Closing Ranks of the selected institute and branch for different categories.
Step 8: Note Down the Opening & Closing Ranks
Maintain a notebook or diary to record the Opening & Closing Ranks for each institute and branch you are interested in.
This will serve as a quick reference during JoSAA counseling.
Step 9: Adjust Your Expectations on a Safer Side
Since Opening & Closing Ranks fluctuate slightly each year, always adjust the numbers for safety.
Example Calculation:
If the Opening & Closing Ranks for NIT Delhi | Mechanical Engineering | OPEN Category show 8622 & 26186 (for Home State), consider adjusting them to 8300 & 23000 (on a safer side).
If the Female Category rank is 34334 & 36212, adjust it to 31000 & 33000.
Follow this approach for Other State candidates and different categories.
Pro Tip: Adjust your expected rank slightly lower than the previous year's cutoffs for realistic expectations during JoSAA counseling.

Can This Method Be Used for JEE April & JEE Advanced?
Yes! You can repeat the same steps after your April JEE Main results to refine your admission possibilities.
You can also follow a similar process for JEE Advanced cutoffs when applying for IITs.

Want to Learn More About JoSAA Counseling?
If you want detailed insights on JoSAA counseling, engineering entrance exams, and preparation strategies, check out EduJob360’s 180+ YouTube videos on this topic!

Hope this guide helps! All the best for your admissions!

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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