Since my College days, I had a Crush on a Classmate, who was the most Attractive & Vivacious Girl, in our College, Infamous as 'Drama Queen'. But she has a very Bad Track Record of Dating the 'Bad Boy' type Guys. She had gone through several Toxic Relationships with the 'Bad Guys' (including some of our Seniors) & everyone in our College used to gossip about her Notorious Relationships & she seemed to enjoy the attention which she used to get, even while she made a scene by Crying after every Break-up. I had always been a Conventional 'Good Boy' & hence, I'd been Friend-Zoned by her. I always used to support her Emotionally, after every Break-up, while indirectly expressing my Desire to get into a stable Relationship with her. But after recovering from every Break-up, she'd get into a Rebound Relationship with a similar 'Bad Guy' & I was confined to the Friend-zone. After College, we both have been working in the same Workplace & being her Colleague, I am aware of her Notorious Reputation at the Workplace. She got into many Casual Relationships, Hook-ups, One-Night-Stands etc with many Colleagues (including her Boss), while I continued being her 'Emotional Support Friend'. Now that she's grown Older & Wiser, she feels the need to get Married to a 'Decent Guy' & settle down to a Familial Life. She has been expressing interest in Marrying me, as she'd always known me to be a Decent Guy, a Reliable & Supportive Friend who's also Financially stable & she expects me to be an Understanding Partner, who knows all about her Past, yet wouldn't Judge her for it. I am emotionally connected with her, as I've known her inside out, but I am sceptical about getting Married to her. Whether I can Trust her to be a Loyal Wife, after Marriage? Should I give her the Benefit of Doubt? I am afraid that she might Cheat on me with another 'Bad Guy' & our Married Life might also become Toxic like her Relationships. Would it be Wrong on my part, if I gently decline her, Judging her, mainly on the basis of her Past?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I would need a little more detail about your relationship with your husband and why you are seeking romantic feelings outside your marriage to make any comments or suggestions. But, from a general perspective, I would recommend you focus on what's lacking in your marriage and fix it- maybe, see a marriage counselor. Plus, you mentioned having feelings for this colleague but never mentioned if he feels the same way. If not, why would you confess your feelings to him and create even the minimum chaos in his otherwise happy marriage? Again, from a general perspective, the entire thing sounds like a bad plan.
Hope this helps.