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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 07, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Leena Question by Leena on Feb 02, 2023Hindi
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I am brought up in a middle class family where both my parents were working. I am the elder sister and I have a younger brother. Since childhood i feel that my mother has given more time and efforts towards my brother. When he asks something he gets it and when I ask I'm told that it's not required. My mother pretends that she treats both of us equal but i can feel the difference. I'm currently married with a 4 year old kid. My husband is very loving and we have a happy family. My issue now begins when my mother comes to stay/visit us. She begins pointing faults and imposing decisions on us. She does that same with my husband and he doesn't like it either. My mother wants to prove herself right even if she is wrong and will never accept her faults. She is interfering with my child's upbringing too. She will never ever behave like that with my brother. I won't deny the fact that she comes to help when I need since I have no inlaws but just because she knows that we need her she will try to dominate over us. One example is that when my child was 10 months i got a potty seat and she never let me put my kid on it saying that kid is too young and because of this my kid never sat in toilet till he turned 4 years. Another is that she used to feed my son only biscuits all the time even when I used to oppose. Also, once she fed my son ice cream when he was 1 year old and my child developed fever next day and she put blame on me saying I took him our for walk in the evening hence my child got fever. When I used silicon brush to brush my kids teeth she stopped me saying there's no need to brush before 1 month when i objected and continued doing it she blamed .e whenever my kid cried saying that his gums are hurting because you brushed his teeth. Many more such incidents where she puts blame on me and tries to prove me wrong She will almost daily try n tell me that my husband is blaming her for groceries getting over/ equipment not working etc which I know my husband does not (he is very kind hearted ) and she just keeps all this misunderstanding in her head. Many times I've clarified by talking to both of them together. Now, my husband is going out of town and again my mother will be coming. I'm fed-up of these fights n arguments but when in emergency i have to rely on her but she takes full advantage of the fact that I need her. I can't take this anymore and its affecting my mental health

Ans: Dear Leena,
I hear you!
But do allow me to give you a perspective. Relationships are never easy to maintain and manage as they involve emotions and layers through it all. Mothers can at times see their daughters as people who they need to groom for life. It's possible that your mother is doing the same thing. She has made it her sole responsibility to continue to groom you so that you earn a good name in your husband's household. This isn't me saying it, it's the way age-old beliefs could be seeping through your mother.
Now, it has become an interference and it must be conveyed to her. At first, it will hurt her and she might react to it by reminding you of all the sacrifices that she has made in order to raise you; but mind you, be steady in what you convey.
She will eventually understand that her daughter does not need to be monitored and taught to lead her life, but just needs a support system around her. Of course, there might be a withdrawal when she has to help you, but be firm on how you would like be treated from now on.
Polite yet firm is something that works well to avoid conflicts within relationships; so use that well.
Also, the differentiation between you and your brother might just be that she gives you tough love. Tough love is shown by a parent/authority figure to another in order to toughen the other person up and in severe cases it may result in submissiveness. In your case, it is likely that she has a certain belief on how boys and girls must be raised. It will change only when she changes her belief. For now, focus on creating a better environment at home by taking charge and being polite and firm with your mother.
And do know, at the end of the day, she is a mother....love sets everything right.
All the best!

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 18, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 17, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
I am from Middle class family. Our parents, 2 brothers, my sister and Me.My Father is no more and my mom lives alone. She does not want to stay with any of us. We all live out of country and my mother lives in India. My mother is not dependent on us financially and she can manage on her own and does not expect money from any of us. She is getting old and we need to take care of her, but I feel I am only one who checks on her and arranges for any small things she needs. My sibling don't even talk about it, I feel they think if they talk about it then they have do something. Like every other old person my mother and me have a lot of differences on everything like managing finances, or renewing something or going to hospital etc and I become the bad person because of these matters. My siblings don't get involved they just call her once a while and talk for while and manage to stay in her good books. I know that it is my duty to take care of her but I feel not appreciated or rejected when she ignores all the things I do for her when others don't. She is also old school and favors boys over girls and reject me saying that I am from a different family and always guilt traps me saying that she educated me but i earn and spent on my husband family. She hates my in-laws, but they are nice people and my husband is very supportive. Since it is my mother I don't tell these issues to anyone even my husband and it is destroying my Peace.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your relationship with your mother. It can be challenging when there are differences in opinions and expectations, especially when it comes to caregiving and managing family dynamics. Here are a few suggestions that might help you navigate this situation:

Communication: It's important to have open and honest communication with your mother. Try to express your feelings calmly and respectfully, and listen to her perspective as well. Sharing your concerns and thoughts can help create a better understanding between both of you.

Seek support: While you may not want to burden your husband with these issues, it's still essential to have someone to talk to and seek support from. Consider confiding in a close friend or a counselor who can provide an objective viewpoint and offer guidance on how to cope with the emotional stress.

Boundaries: Establishing boundaries is crucial in any relationship. Make it clear to your mother what you can and cannot do, taking into account your own personal and family commitments. It's important to find a balance between caring for her and taking care of yourself and your own family.

Sibling involvement: If you feel overwhelmed and alone in taking care of your mother, you can try to involve your siblings more actively in the process. Have an open conversation with them, express your concerns, and see if they can contribute in any way, whether it's by providing emotional support or assisting with certain responsibilities.

Patience and empathy: Understand that your mother's behavior and expectations may be influenced by her upbringing, cultural beliefs, and personal experiences. Try to approach situations with empathy, even if it's challenging. Remember that she may be experiencing her own struggles and fears as she grows older.

Self-care: Taking care of your own well-being is essential. Ensure that you make time for yourself, engage in activities that bring you joy, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. By taking care of yourself, you'll be better equipped to handle the challenges that arise in your relationship with your mother.

Remember, it's normal to feel frustrated and emotionally drained in such situations. However, with patience, understanding, and effective communication, you may be able to improve your relationship with your mother and find a balance that works for both of you.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Hi Anu, Im 27yrs old. I have been married for 1.5 yrs. Me and my husband live abroad. I grew up abroad for a great deal of my life and all members of my family are post graduate degree holders from renowned universities. Recently my mother-in-law came to visit us, she is staying for 6 months. My husband prior to marriage said that his mother is educated when I asked him. Post marriage I found out she studied only till 10th and married my father-in-law who is deceased. Since her arrival, my mother-in-law’s behaviour has been very weird. 1. She once told me that in their caste Kshatriyas ( we had an inter-caste marriage) its very common for the men to have 2 wives and mistresses. This was said totally out if context. Couple of days later she mentioned that her husband had a mistress. 2. She asks me questions about why things are the way they are and why are they like that. I find it very difficult to answer to her questions at the same time I don’t want to sound condescending. 3. She complained to my mother that my husband and I are using up too much ghee and oil. She blames that I made her son fat. My husband likes to have everything deep fried when I don’t do as he asks he throws a fit like a child and refuses to eat. Now I realised why, she deep fries almost everything, bhindi, potato, gobi, arvi, and even brinjal. 4. She also mentions that some relative of their was going to give then 2kg gold dowry to marry her son. I asked her why didn’t she accept it then. They she covered up saying that our engagement was already done by then. Again recently, she was talking to her sister on the phone and was saying that a girl is really beautiful and she was considering her for my husband but he liked me. All while I was literally in front of her. 5. She tries to take over the kitchen, she wants to wash dishes by hand and there is food residue all over. She doesn't want me to use the dishwasher. When I pointedly out that there is residue all dried up on the mixer blade, she covered it up saying that its powder. 6. I asked her not to put oil or ghee on the roti pan when making rotis as its ruining the pan and to ghee after the roti is cooked. She still went ahead and melted butter and poured it on the pan and made rotis. She said that they are not puffing up without the oil. I tried it out myself and I discovered that she lied. Dishonesty is my biggest peeve. I have no respect for her now. I don’t understand why she behaves the way she does. She also expects me to listen to all her stories and express interest in her superstitions. She on the other hand shows total disregard to what I say. My parents want me to be nice to her as she is a widow and has only her son and daughter. She is not nice to her daughter. My sister in law does not want to live with her in laws and my mother-in-laws laughs when she calls her crying. I have witnessed her gas lighting her daughter on many occasions. Once my husband asked her is the sister can come stay at home with her back in India and my mother-in-law said that she does not want her daughter in the house because she is a burden. My mother in law also keeps telling me that I should press her son’s legs as it will give Lakshmi. Once he took food from my plate I told him to put it back and get his own, she said its a Maha paap to snatch from husband’s mouth. She uses this Mahapaap whenever I ask my husband to help around the house. I don’t know how to communicate this with my husband and how to deal with her. He believes he needs to provide everything his mom wants and give her the world because she went thru difficulties after their dad’s passing. However my mother in law believes her life got better after her husband’s passing. She says that her husband was abusive to her physically, emotionally and financially. What do I do?
Ans: Dear DD,
Some space is necessary to be away from people who display less empathy. It keeps the relationship healthier.
You will usually find me guiding people towards one another first BUT at times maintaining a healthy distance can save relationships. Your mother-in-law can become the cause for stress within your marriage as you will have no one to take your complaints to other than your husband. He is obviously not going to take it that easily...
Also the fact that your mother-in-law herself hasn't held a steady marriage is going to be a constant source of more stresses as she is very likely to expect special treatment from her son and you.
She needs to work on her mind and that's too much to expect of her. It's wise to keep some distance and over time, she may wish to re-build relationships with everyone and live in harmony.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 29, 2024

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Relationship
This pertains to my parents. I got married at the age of 30 about 18 years ago and have a dear and loving spouse who believed in contributing to our home and didn't wish to be a home maker. Since we were living in a joint family, my father wanted only us to spend for the full house without much/negligible contribution. My elder brother's spouse is from a well to do family and they started to live independently from the beginning of their marriage. In spite of running the total household expenses, we have from the beginning learnt to save and we planned many vacation trips, overseas and domestic alike. My mother could not and till date cannot appreciate the fact that only the 2 of us are holidaying and she wanted to be part of our holidays which we have vehemently denied as that was a me-time for both of us. She has held this sourness against us although this comes out in her discussion occasionally. In spite of living together and addressing all needs of my elderly parents, my mother is perpetually complaining about not doing enough. I have tried to leave home and separate out as 2-3 times the fight with her had gone out of bounds because of her behaving un-reasonably weird. At times she takes care of all of us and at times she speaks so bitter about me and my wife, it is had to understand if it was the same person. My father has been a quiet individual and he has no opinions on anyone and will not side with anyone, neither will he call out any wrongdoing & there is no point in talking to him as his only objective is to have a peaceful life and have 3 meals a day without caring about anyone else in the world. 9 years ago i was laid off and i was almost compelled to start a real estate business with my father, this work requires mental and physical dedication which i have put and established myself in a respectable stage. Since the beginning my father had wanted to only take the accounting bit of the business as his responsibility as he does not know anything else. He has not let me look at accounts ever and he kind of pays me a salary whatever he deems fit at the end of the month, he also retains a large chunk with him and pays mom to run the house from the business. Although he has no travel, not going out of home, and no friends, he still needs the money for which he has not described or spoken when asked, mom and i suspect he is funding another family at our expense but we are not sure, as he has maintained a secret life for his entire life. 6 months ago me and my wife purchased a home and shifted and even now his approach towards my family needs is nonchalant as he keeps the major pie of the business income regardless of not putting any effort or work. At one end there is my mother who has demands all the time, at the other end my father is almost stealing from me without any justification or clarification. Somehow both of us are living separate and managing a peaceful life with very little which remains after servicing all Emi's and plus we also manage to contribute little to my father in law for running his household. Both of us seem to be burned out as our close ones only think of us only when money is required. Sometimes i feel i should shut shop and do something else, i also upscaled myself by clearing MBA at the age of 45 during covid so that some employer may consider me worthy and in spite of applying to 450+ job openings no one considers my resume to be appropriate. My wife is employed in a senior managerial position with a mnc and both of us fear that in 10 years time we will have nothing left with us and no one to take care of ourselves. Its frustrating as there seems no path forward, can u suggest anything ?
Ans: Dear RERA,
Living in a separate home in your case would have to mean that you keep your finances separately as well.
Your older brother must pitch in as well for parents; so please have that chat with him. There's no point in playing a martyr and then worry about being taken advantage of. When you say YES, when you actually want to say NO, is the beginning of a whole lot of issues which is what has happened...
So, now rewind and start clearing things one by one. Start by talking to your brother who will also need to contribute towards parents. Next, what your father does with that money is something you may never know; what you can do is CAP the amount so that he does not think that he has a perennial source of money. Kindly go on more trips with your wife so that your mother gets used to this fact. Plan trips at least once a year with the entire family which is where your mother will also enjoy and understand that she is not being ignored but actually cared for.
Plan your life with your spouse and make decisions that are financially prudent as you need to take care of yourselves as well.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1633 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 22, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Sir/Madam. I am 42 years old, married with two children. I live with my single mother, who is 74 years old, in her house. My brother, who is 48 years old, lives separately with his family about 10 kilometers away. Whenever my mother is hospitalized, sick, or in need of any support, my brother and sister-in-law neither assist us financially nor with their physical presence. They provide numerous excuses for not helping. Only after much family persuasion does my brother agree to help. My wife and I are the only ones who support my mother financially and physically whenever needed. Conversely, my mother and I have always supported my brother financially and physically whenever required. My mother does not like staying with my brother and sister-in-law. However, she maintains a good relationship with them as they do not retaliate against her. My mother often interferes with our eating habits, especially regarding our weekend outings for leisure or movies. When I wanted to renovate the kitchen in my newly purchased house, she strongly objected. My mother insists that her opinion matters; otherwise, there is no point in having a relationship among us. Sometimes, she even imposes my brother and sister-in-law’s suggestions on us. Whenever I oppose her views, it irritates her, and we start quarreling. My mother then curses us, saying that if her suggestions are not implemented, it will cause trouble for us in the future. It often ends with her saying that she is dead to us and wants to end our relationship. We reconcile after a long time. Hence, we sometimes feel that our freedom is restricted. I tried to explain to my mother that a true relationship is one where prompt support is provided when needed, not when someone opposes her views. I feel that instead of talking about breaking the relationship with me during our fights, my mother should discuss breaking the relationship with my brother and sister-in-law, and I have often discussed this with her. But my mother does not seem to understand and feels that she needs to fulfill her duties as a mother. I am planning to relocate to my own house next year, which is about 60 kilometers away. I have decided to break my relationship with my brother and sister-in-law as I do not want any superficial relationship. Please help as I am tired of quarreling with my mother.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, you find it easier to abandon your family because your brother and sister-in-law don't pitch in, your mother is interfering, your mother according to you should break ties with her other child!
Do you not sense the weight of expectations is the one actually ruining your peace of mind and hence your relationships? Yes, of course, your sibling can pitch in more; did it not occur to you that you can talk to him and his wife and actually request them to be more hands-on?
And why should your mother break ties with your brother? Is that the way you will feel validated by her OR that will show you that she recognizes what you do for her?
Do remember, never do anything for anyone (within relationships) with an expectation that you will get something in return. Selflessness is what will ensure that you have better quality relationships.
If you feel at some point that you are being taken for granted, then say so and set things right. Indulging in this kind of 'demand' that things must be a particular way is not going to happen especially when you come from a space where the ultimate deed is breaking relationships.
It takes one impulsive move to break relationships, so tread carefully, keep your emotions away from fueling your expectations and it will actually let see things for what they truly are. This will enable you take the next steps in a very meaningful way where no bridges are burned.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |615 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 23, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 10, 2025
Relationship
Hi Mam, I am a south indian married to marathi. It's been over 14 years of marriage with a 3 year old son. After marriage, we stayed away from in law's for 8 to 9 years. During Covid, we shifted back to my in laws place. Things were okay for few months but then my MIL started creating issues ....small issues wherein there was no mistake of mine. Then Covid 2nd wave happened. I lost my younger sister and father to Covid. At that time my husband supported me a lot but my MIL was constantly taunting me that I am only crying and not doing any household work. To carry on my routine, I found a job WFH. But due to WFH, she always used to disturb me and ask to do house hold chores which led to me getting stressed and couldn't focus on work. I became pregnant and she started behaving weirdly Things fell apart, me and my husband rented an apartment nearby and stayed and we managed my pregnancy and childbirth and child caring all on by our own. 2 years back, my FIL suddenly passed away, which means we had to shift back again to stay with MIL. In the beginning I thought things will change, but she is started behaving more weirdly. I ignored it. She expects me to do everything for her and doesn't even allow me to keep a maid whereas I was living comfortable life when we were living separately. I am taking classes from home and its difficult to manage everything as I work about 8 hours a day, plus take care of my child plus do household chores. Mu husband will not stay separately because she is alone now. She expects me to do everything but if i talk in my language with my son, she doesn't like it. Last week she told me don't teach him your language, I hate your language and we didn't want you, you only came in our life. Hearing this I felt really bad. I lost my mother at an early age to cancer, I lost my father and sister to Covid This is how she behaves with me. I cannot call or talk to anyone about this and I am getting frustrated. I feel teaching my language and culture is the only connect i have with my mother and my family and she is not allowing me to do that My husband is supportive but currently he is having some stress at Work so I don't want to talk to him about this. Please help
Ans: This situation is not sustainable. You are burning out, emotionally and physically. You may need to have a clear, calm, but firm conversation with your husband soon. Let him know that you are not trying to hurt anyone or run away from responsibility. You’re asking for basic respect and the emotional space to breathe, to live as an equal in your own home.

If moving out again isn't possible immediately, then set some boundaries inside the home. Claim time and space that are yours, especially when you're working. Re-establish your right to speak your language, to teach your child your culture. It’s not just your right—it’s his heritage.

You are not wrong to want peace, and you're not selfish for needing help. You’re a daughter, a mother, a wife—and you're also a woman who deserves compassion, support, and room to live without apology. Please don’t carry this silently any longer. If not with friends or family, consider talking to a counselor online. You’ve carried too much on your own already. It’s time to ask for space, for support—and for healing.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jul 08, 2025Hindi
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I am 45 yrs old and work in an MNC. 1.5 lac my take home salary( including annual bonus).18k from rent. Mother's pension 53k+interest she earns on her FD's 15k pm.3 houses of Rs 60L,75L and 30L. 1 Plot 30 Lac. FD 32 Lac, shares 2.15 lac. Sip 25k, ppf 19.5 lac, pf 20.7 lac, nps 9.7 lac current value, gold bonds 8 lac current value. One Home loan 19.8 lac left (I pay 15k extra in each emi so only 4 yrs left hence will finish my 20 yrs home loan within 10 yrs itself. Car loan 7 lac left for 5 yrs. Gold jewellery worth 30 lac. Am I going fine in my savings? We are a simple cohesive traditional family and believe on savings and investments. Expenses- 48k home loan emi. Car loan 13600 emi School fees 21k pm total for 2 kids. house hold expenses 15k pm Other expenses 10k pm. As per my calculation I save around 40k pm and my mother saves around 68k per month. Will 4 to3 cr be enough for me after retirement as me and my wife plan to lead a simple life during our 60's. And can I plan to retire at 57-58 yrs of age. we want buy another plot worth 8-10 lacs at an upcoming tourist place?Kindly guide on our current and future planning .
Ans: You are doing very well. Your savings are strong.
Your goals are clear and realistic.
Let’s go point by point and build a 360-degree plan.

Overall Income Summary
Take-home salary is Rs 1.5 lakh (including bonus).

Rs 18,000 rent adds passive income.

Your mother contributes Rs 68,000 monthly (pension + FD interest + savings).

This makes your household income base strong.

You are already saving Rs 40,000 monthly.
You are repaying loans aggressively.
That shows your financial discipline.

Expenses Are Controlled
Rs 48,000 EMI for home loan.

Rs 13,600 EMI for car loan.

Rs 21,000 for school fees.

Rs 15,000 household.

Rs 10,000 other expenses.

All major expenses are accounted for.
You still save Rs 40,000.
Your mother saves Rs 68,000.
That’s Rs 1.08 lakh saved monthly as a family.
This is a powerful saving engine.

Asset Summary Overview
You have built a diverse portfolio:

3 houses: Rs 60L, Rs 75L, Rs 30L

1 plot: Rs 30L

FD: Rs 32L

Shares: Rs 2.15L

SIP: Rs 25,000 per month

PPF: Rs 19.5L

PF: Rs 20.7L

NPS: Rs 9.7L

SGBs: Rs 8L

Gold jewellery: Rs 30L

This is a solid base.
You have blended fixed, equity, and gold.
You have real estate, but avoid adding more.
Real estate has low liquidity and higher maintenance.

Current Loans
Rs 19.8L home loan – 4 years left with extra EMI

Rs 7L car loan – 5 years left

You are paying Rs 15,000 extra EMI per month.
This will finish home loan in 10 years, instead of 20.
That is smart planning.

Action plan:

Don’t prepay further. Keep current prepayment rhythm.

Once home loan ends, divert EMI into SIP.

That will increase your mutual fund growth.

Mutual Fund Planning
You invest Rs 25,000 in SIPs monthly.
Very good contribution.

Make sure:

You are not investing in index funds.

Index funds copy market blindly.

They underperform in bear markets.

Actively managed mutual funds give expert guidance.

Use only regular funds, not direct.

Direct funds have no support from certified planners.

Regular funds give MFD/CFP advice, portfolio balancing.

Divide SIP in:

One large and mid-cap fund

One flexi-cap fund

One hybrid equity fund

One aggressive hybrid fund (for post-retirement cash flow)

Review funds every 12 months.
Don’t churn often.
Continue SIP till retirement without break.

Your PPF and PF Status
PPF Rs 19.5L

PF Rs 20.7L

These are long-term assets.
Don’t withdraw early.
Use for post-retirement stability.
Contribute maximum Rs 1.5L per year in PPF.
PPF gives guaranteed tax-free return.
Avoid using PPF for plot buying.

NPS – Future Pension Support
Rs 9.7L in NPS till now

Continue contributing

Make use of Sec 80CCD(1B) for extra Rs 50,000 benefit

NPS will give you monthly pension after 60.
But it will be limited.
You must build mutual fund corpus to support it.

FD and SGB – Safety and Stability
FD: Rs 32L

Interest adds to your mother’s income

Maintain Rs 20L in FD as safety

Don’t increase FD further

Extra money should go to mutual funds

SGBs worth Rs 8L are a good hedge
They give 2.5% interest + gold appreciation
Keep holding till maturity

But don’t increase gold beyond 10% of portfolio
Jewellery Rs 30L already covers that

Real Estate Holdings – Keep but Don’t Add
You already have:

3 houses worth Rs 165L total

1 plot worth Rs 30L

Plan to buy new plot for Rs 8–10L

Too much exposure to land and property is risky.
These are illiquid.
Rental return is low.
Upkeep cost is high.
Plot value depends on location and demand.

Avoid buying more plots.
Use that money to invest in mutual funds instead.
You will get better compounding.

Kids Education and Support
You are paying Rs 21,000 school fees for two kids.
Start a goal-based SIP for each child.

Open two mutual fund folios (one for each child)

Invest Rs 7,000 monthly per child for education

Use equity mutual funds – regular plans only

Don’t use ULIP or child plans from insurance

Education cost is rising fast.
You’ll need Rs 30–40L per child after 10–12 years
Start early. Grow with SIPs.

Retirement Planning – Target Corpus
You want to retire at 57 or 58.
You plan to live a simple life in your 60s.
You are thinking of Rs 3–4 crore retirement corpus.

Let us understand what you already have:

PPF + PF = Rs 40L

FD = Rs 32L

NPS = Rs 9.7L

SIP will grow into Rs 1.3–1.6 crore in 12 years

Rent from property can support you too

Your mother’s assets may come as legacy also

Yes, your target is realistic.
You can retire at 57–58.
But only if:

You stay invested

You don’t over-invest in land

You boost SIP after loan ends

You avoid early withdrawals

You structure income for post-retirement

Post-Retirement Monthly Cash Flow Plan
You will need:

Monthly living expense

Healthcare buffer

Travel and social activities

Post-retirement income will come from:

Rent from 1–2 properties

Interest from FD or bonds

SWP from mutual funds

NPS monthly pension

SGB interest income

Structure your post-60 income like this:

50% from mutual funds

25% from FD/bonds

15% from rent

10% from gold/SGBs

This mix gives stability, growth, and cash flow.

Insurance and Emergency Protection
You didn’t mention health or life cover.
Please ensure:

You have family floater health policy for all

Sum insured should be at least Rs 15–20 lakh

You have pure term insurance till age 60–65

No ULIP or return-of-premium term plans

If you have ULIP/return plan – surrender it

Reinvest in mutual funds – better growth

Emergency fund should be Rs 5–10L
Keep it in liquid mutual fund
FD is not ideal for sudden cash needs

Tax Efficiency Plan
You are under new tax regime
So no deductions are used
But still:

NPS up to Rs 50,000 is allowed

You can still save tax under Section 80CCD(1B)

Use it smartly to lower tax outgo

Also note:

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs 1.25L is taxed at 12.5%

STCG taxed at 20%

Debt funds taxed as per your slab

So, don’t redeem mutual funds frequently

Stay long-term invested

Final Insights
You are doing great with your money.
Savings are strong. Discipline is solid.
But now focus more on:

Mutual funds than real estate

Actively managed funds than index

Regular plans than direct funds

Retirement cash flow plan

Health and life protection

SIPs for children’s future

Your Rs 3–4 crore retirement goal is achievable.
But don’t buy the new tourist plot.
Use that Rs 10 lakh in mutual funds instead.
It will grow to Rs 25–30 lakh by retirement.

Keep reviewing your plan every 12 months.
Stay invested. Avoid panic. Keep life simple.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

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Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |1682 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |9456 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

Money
am 45 yrs old. 1.5 lac my take home salary( including annual bonus).18k from rent. Mother's pension+interest earned on her FD's 15k pm.3 houses of Rs 60L,75L and 30L. 1 Plot 30 Lac. FD 32 Lac, shares 2.15 lac. Sip 25k, ppf 19.5 lac, pf 20.7 lac, nps 9.7 lac current value, gold bonds 8 lac current value. One Home loan 19.8 lac left (I pay 15k extra in each emi so only 4 yrs left hence will finish my 20 yrs home loan within 10 yrs itself. Car loan 7 lac left for 5 yrs. Gold jewellery worth 30 lac. Am I going fine in my savings? We are a simple traditional family and believe on savings investments. Expenses 48k home loan emi. Car 13600 emi School fees 21k pm total for 2 kids. house hold expenses 15k pm Other expenses 10-12k pm As my calculation I save around 40-45k pm. Will 43 cr be enough for me after retirement as me and my wife plan to lead a simple cosy life. Can I retire at 57-58 yrs of age.
Ans: It’s great to see your savings mindset and disciplined investment habit. You have a strong asset base and clear goals. Let us assess your situation critically and provide a well-rounded strategy.

Evaluating Your Current Wealth Position

Age: 45 years

Take?home salary: Rs.1.5 lakh per month (including bonus)

Rental income: Rs.18,000 per month

Mother’s pension + FD interest: Rs.15,000 per month

Total monthly inflows: Rs.1.83 lakh

Your assured cash flows are strong. You also have assets across various categories:

Residential properties: Rs.60L, Rs.75L, Rs.30L

Plot: Rs.30L

FD holding: Rs.32L

Shares: Rs.2.15L

Mutual Fund SIP: Rs.25k per month

PPF balance: Rs.19.5L

PF: Rs.20.7L

NPS: Rs.9.7L

Sovereign Gold Bonds: Rs.8L

Gold jewellery: Rs.30L

Your known liabilities:

Home loan: Rs.19.8L remaining, 10 years tenure left

Car loan: Rs.7L remaining, 5 years tenure

Monthly obligations:

Home EMI: Rs.48k

Car EMI: Rs.13,600

Children’s school fees: Rs.21k

Household expenses: Rs.15k

Other expenses: Rs.10–12k

Est. monthly savings: Rs.40–45k

Your query: is this progress good? Will Rs.4.3 crore at retirement suffice? Can you retire at 57–58 years? Let’s assess.

Income Sustainability in the Near Term

Your current monthly inflows (excluding salary) total Rs.33,000. This is helpful but modest.
Your salary is major source. Continue managing both active and passive inflows carefully.

Debt Situation

Home loan at Rs.19.8L: you pay Rs.15k extra EMI. That shortens tenure and lowers interest.

Car loan Rs.7L will finish in 5 years. Good.

Better to accelerate home loan repayment using surplus cash.
No need for new debt. The aim is to be debt?free before retirement.

Expense Analysis & Savings Health

Total monthly expenses (fixed + variable): around Rs.1.17 lakh.
With monthly net inflows at Rs.1.83 lakh, you save Rs.66,000. This matches your statement of ~40–45k saving after expenses.

Your current saving rate (~36%) is strong for your age.
It’s good you maintain a prudent expense ratio of roughly 36%.

Assessing Retirement Corpus Need

You target retirement at 57–58 years—12–13 years from now.
You estimate needing Rs.4.3 crore corpus at retirement. Let us examine adequacy.

Typical assumptions:

Post-retirement annual expense: Rs.15 lakh (approx Rs.1.25 lakh monthly)

Life after 58 years may span 30 years (till age 88)

To generate inflation-adjusted Rs.15 lakh annually, corpus of Rs.4–5 crore seems reasonable, assuming moderate withdrawal and portfolio returns.

Hence, your Rs.4.3 crore goal appears aligned with a simple conservative model.

Projecting Your Corpus Accumulation

You currently hold:

Real estate: Rs.1.95 crore

Financial assets (FD, PPF, PF, NPS, SGB, shares): total approx Rs.1.12 crore

Ongoing SIPs: Rs.25k/month

Over the next 13 years:

Your PF, PPF, NPS will grow via contributions and interest

SIP contributions will compound

Debt obligations will reduce

With disciplined investing and no major lifestyle inflation, you are on track to build Rs.4–5 crore corpus.

But, a focused strategy is needed. Let us outline it.

Strategy to Optimize Current Assets

Keep your property. It gives rental of Rs.18k per month.

Do not convert property into pension-income real estate. It takes effort.

Maintain FD of Rs.32L as liquid reserve.

Keep NPS, PF, PPF as part of retirement mix. All are tax-efficient vehicles.

Shares: continue small equity exposure via SIP to benefit from long-term growth.

Sovereign Gold Bonds and jewellery: maintain 5–8% of portfolio weight.

Debt Reduction Plan

Home loan: pay extra Rs.15k EMI. This reduces total interest materially.

Aim to close home loan before age 55 if possible.

Car loan will end in 5 years. Then redirect Rs.13.6k towards investments or loan prepayment.

Eliminate debt before retirement to reduce financial burden and increase monthly surplus.

SIP Planning & Asset Allocation

Current SIP of Rs.25k/month is good. But you can increase selectively.

After home and car loan finish, redirect that EMI into SIP.

Increase SIP by at least Rs.25–30k per month over the next 5–7 years.

Maintain an asset allocation ratio: 60% debt/fixed income, 30% equity, 10% gold.

Do not invest in index funds—they lack active risk management.

Do not use direct funds—they lack guidance, professional review, and rebalancing.

Use actively managed equity and hybrid funds, via regular plans under Certified Financial Planner’s guidance, to ensure disciplined growth and periodic portfolio reviews.

Emergency & Contingency Planning

You need liquid funds for emergencies or medical events.

Maintain 6–12 months of expenses (Rs.7–8 lakh) in liquid fund or sweep-in FD.

Keep a separate buffer for your mother if needed.

Consider health cover for yourself and family, as medical costs rise at older age.

Children’s Educational Planning

Your children’s school fees are Rs.21k per month total.
Your current savings and income can support their schooling until graduation.
But consider:

Future educational goals (professional courses, abroad, etc.)

Build goal-based corpus via separate SIPs for higher education.

Rebalance once fees are stable or decrease after college is over.

Tax Efficiency and Investment Mix

House rent helps reduce taxable income partly via standard deduction.

PPF and PF contributions are tax-efficient.

NPS contributions get 80CCD benefits, and tier 1 withdrawal gets favourable tax treatment.

FD interest and rental income are fully taxable; manage via slab planning.

As per new MF tax rules:

Equity mutual fund LTCG above Rs.1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG at 20%

Debt mutual fund gains taxed as per income slab

Plan mutual fund withdrawals via SIP SWP or goal-based exits to optimise tax.

Retirement Income Generation Strategy

Goal: retire at 57–58 years, staying financially comfortable.

Post?retirement: You will rely on:

Rental income

Systematic Withdrawal from mutual fund corpus

Interest from PF, PPF, NPS, FD

Pension (if any under NPS Tier 2)

To ensure monthly income of Rs.1.25 lakh:

Rental + pensions + interest together should cover Rs.60k

SWP from mutual funds to cover remaining Rs.65k

With Rs.4–5 crore corpus, safe withdrawal rate of ~6% yields Rs.25–30k per month depending on returns

Add to interest and rent, it totals required amount

Adjust based on actual return trajectories and inflation.

Portfolio Rebalancing Over Time

As you near age 55–58:

Gradually reduce equity exposure while increasing debt allocation

Shift part of accumulated equity portfolio to hybrid or debt instruments

Keep monthly SWP going post-retirement

Maintain flexibility and avoid rigid options like annuities

Lifestyle, Inflation and Expense Management

Projected inflation of 6–7% annually means cost of living in future doubles every 10–12 years.
If today you spend Rs.1.17 lakh, at 58 years it could be Rs.4–5 lakh.
Your corpus needs to cover this indexed expense for 30+ years.

Simple cosy lifestyle may still escalate due to medical and travel ambitions.
Keep reviewing lifestyle plans every 5 years.

Contingency for Medical, Long?Term Care and Caregiving

In later years, medical expenses can be high.
Need to plan for long?term care or assisted living.

Consider personal health cover for family.

Keep liquidity for unexpected medical events.

Build critical illness top?up plan if not already.

Plan will/estate, with instructions for elder care.

Estate Planning and Succession Readiness

By age 55, ensure legal and succession matters are in order:

Draft or update your will

Nominate family members in all investment and bank accounts

Keep property documents accessible

Discuss financial plan with spouse and children

Ensure they understand how to access accounts and investments

This gives peace of mind and clarity for family.

Review Plan Annually with Certified Financial Planner

An annual review helps to:

Track progress on home loan repayment

Measure corpus accumulation vs target

Rebalance allocation to match age and goals

Adjust for change in expenses or incomes

Refine retirement age goal based on updated data

Consistent monitoring ensures you stay on track.

Risks to Watch Out For

Medical emergencies or sudden lifestyle changes

Market corrections impacting SIP returns

Asset illiquidity, especially property

Inflation eroding monthly spending power

Underestimating future tax or rule changes

Proper planning helps mitigate these risks.

Final Insights

You are saving well and building wealth steadily

Your target corpus of Rs.4.3 crore seems realistic

Debt is under control and will be cleared before retirement

Continue active investing via SIPs, increasing gradually

Avoid passive index or direct funds; choose active funds via CFP?supported regular plans

Balance portfolio across equity, debt, gold for stability

Plan health cover, estate documentation, and will in place

Review annually to stay aligned with your goal

Rs.4.3 crore at retirement, aligned with rental, pension, and SWP, can sustain your desired post-retirement lifestyle

Your disciplined savings and investments provide a solid foundation.
Retirement at 57–58 is achievable with proper execution.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Money
Dr Nagarajan J S K

Dr Nagarajan J S K   |1682 Answers  |Ask -

NEET, Medical, Pharmacy Careers - Answered on Jul 08, 2025

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