Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 08, 2025

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship

I and boyfriend is kept on trying to get married by there’s three things we felt we couldn’t help. 1. Convincing his parents 2. Convincing my parents 3. A marriage to happen from different religion. Struggling to come across this we thought we’ll stay just the same without getting married. But the reality is like I need a mental support being a single child without father and a sick mum to be taken care I can’t randomly just leave my mother and come. He understood that and he said we’ll wait but I don’t know how long I have to cos I’m already feeling done with all the family and relative issues that came in because of these things. Now we have solved his side problem that his parents are now happy to have me as their DIL but then we are stuck with whom I have to convince is it my sick mother who doesn’t understand things and not ready to come with me also or my mother’s mother, grandmother who never understands the reality of today’s life and my mother’s elder brother who has never cared about my life earlier but claimed to have been responsible all these days. It was me who took all the effort to make it to a position where I’m independent financially but then because he said he’d fund my marriage it’s been told that I was wrong in terms of my decision in choosing my boyfriend. Though he knows he’s a nice person, he refuses considering the religion issue. I don’t know how to get this problem sorted cos it’s already 5 years that we’ve been struggling and still couldn’t find a solution

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Being financially independent can help a lot in taking decisions and sticking to them. What does your boyfriend say about the issues that you are facing? He could help by playing the role of the prospective son-in-law and do what's required to get through to your mother. That will take off a load from you and you will also be able to empathize with your mother and her concerns and address them appropriately. You and your boyfriend need to come up with a plan to deal with this together.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 08, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I have been in a relationship for almost a decade now i.e. since graduation and now me and my bf are doing good in our respective jobs. Since we come from different religions, we have been trying to convince our family very much for last two years to let us happen and get married and in these scenarios during covid I lost my father too now that it's just me and my mom and my elder sister due to societal pressure also they were not agreeing for us but then I could feel now that his family was some how just dragging us showing fake acceptance for me but still being very orthodox but in this process me and my bf got committed to each other very seriously in terms of physical ways but now his family is completely denying the fact that they don't us to happen and are literally forcing his son to marry in their caste. On this thing, the guy is trying to make me understand with false accusations that it's not his family butine which doesn't want us to proceed since my family wanted a mutual ways of marriage and not just his culture thing or else court marriage was the last opt but my guy is saying no I can never go against my family this and that you better understand and I don't know I'm feeling very cheated that now at this stage after being this close where he should have been standing strong with me he's pushing me to set back I don't know iam so clueless I got no energy to get back to being productive in my life or something whereas this acts of his and his family's forcible nature is somehow triggering me to opt for legal methods....I need guidance it's all dark for me and feeling too used.
Ans: Hello Dear,
I'm truly sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing in your relationship. It's a complex and emotionally charged situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused It's okay to take some time for self-reflection and self-care. Understand and acknowledge your emotions before making any decisions. Give yourself the space to process the situation and its impact on your well-being. Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings. Share your concerns, fears, and expectations. Encourage him to express his feelings and concerns as well. Effective communication is crucial at this stage. Reflect on your priorities and values in a relationship. Consider whether the current situation aligns with what you envision for your future. Be honest with yourself about what you need and deserve in a partnership. If you're contemplating legal steps, it's advisable to seek legal advice to understand the implications and options available to you. Consult with a lawyer who can provide guidance based on your specific situation and laws. While it's crucial to address the relationship concerns, also focus on your personal growth and well-being. Pursue activities that bring you joy, engage in self-improvement, and consider your long-term goals. Assess whether the relationship is healthy and supportive. Consider whether both partners are willing to work through challenges and make compromises for the well-being of the relationship. Establish clear boundaries for yourself. Determine what you are willing to accept and what you cannot tolerate in the relationship. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being. If both families are open to it, consider seeking the help of a mediator or counselor who can facilitate discussions and help find common ground. Mediation can be a constructive way to address conflicts and find solutions.
Ultimately, prioritize your own happiness and well-being. If the relationship is causing you significant distress, it's important to evaluate whether it's a healthy and fulfilling partnership for you. it's okay to seek professional help or legal advice if needed. Making decisions about your future can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your own happiness and mental health. If you find it difficult to navigate these issues on your own, seeking guidance from professionals or supportive friends can make a significant difference.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 25, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Ma'am, I am 32 years old woman and I have a boyfriend who is 29 years old. We met last year and in few months we fell in love. We have been in relationship since March 2024 and we work in same organization. We quickly knew that we must get married we belong to different languages he being a south Indian while I am a Maharashtrian. My family is quite well off while his family is from lower middle class. Financially he has his own house which is under construction and he will get possession by next year end. Also he has his own car so he is paying 2 EMIs for Home loan and car loan wherein I don't have any liabilities. He is very much independent however due to all the expenses he is currently saving money and thus want to get married next year by April. We both have spoken with out parents and his side of the family is completely ok while my mother and brother are against this. My mother has asked me to leave home at the earliest and get married to him without involving them. There was lot lf verbal abuse and name calling which I have heard multiple times. We both are working and earing well however he is adamant to get married in April as he wants to save some money before getting married as he doesn't want to take my help since my mother has quoted that he is marrying me for my good background. She has refused to meet his parents or let them see our house. My father has supporter me as he wants me to get married. My elder brother is 34 years unmarried engineer and he is also not supportive who first met and said that my boyfriend is not so fair looking, then said he is not of our status. Currently I am staying in my brothers flat so he has asked me to vacant it asap and get married maximum by December. It is not possible for me to get married by December as my boyfriend is not ready for that. So I will have to go on rent for next few months untill April. I have done nothing wrong as per me because I have returned my parents all the money they have spent on me well in advance. Also I have good investments done apart from buying a house. I cook for myself and cook for my family whenever they ask me. I have been truthful about my relationship with my parents from beginning and told them everything but unable to understand why they are unable to accept this? I feel my brother is in denial and putting things in my mothers mind due to which she is against this marriage.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
People play games all the time and your family members are no different. But what's the point trying to assume that this or that must be the reason. So, ask! Surely, there's some good reason why they are so against it...ASK and CLARIFY rather than ASSUME...
They may go all over the place and the truth will be disguised in some form which will seem very trivial and silly to the outside world.
Yes, you can move out and stay by yourself but proving a point like this may alienate your family even further. They may blame your boyfriend for this drastic step that you take. Reason out with them and you will find a lot of emotions coming your way; don't resist any of them but accept them for what it is for the moment. Soon, with all their rants, you will find a solid reason that will be possibly age gap or fear of losing you or their beliefs around love marriages or fear of losing face to the society and so on...
This is what you will need to address...problems come out as emotions, but digging deep, you will figure it out...so put in some work, ask them some time and also ask your boyfriend to step in and do his bit...after all, they will be accepting him as well, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1745 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 20, 2025

Listen
Relationship
hi maam im in love with a guy who i met in hyd im 24 years nd he is 28 we both r in love with eachother and wanna marry eachother but the prblm is that i come from a christian family and he comes from a hindu family my mom is not ready to accept him just because he is a hindu and my family r forcing me to get married to a christian guy itself they r mentally forcing me everyday to leave him just because he is a hindu nd our caste is different my family seperated me from him and forcing me to get married to a guy of their choice and in my family there r 16 members who have had love marriages i took help of my relative who also had a love marriage to convince my parents and help us to get married but she is the one who add more fake rumors and more fuel about him that he is doing timepass even if they talk to him in calls they say that he is not lifting our calls at all i have all the recordings but still they r lying to me nd my mom saying that he is not ready to talk about her it became difficult for me to convince them my mom listen to my relatives as they say and so they do i dont have anyone to support me to get married to my bf plz help i wanna marry him only and i see future with him he is the only one who make me laugh play with me like how a dad plays with his daughter i havent got the love from my parents when im getting the love from him they seperated me from him and forcefully bought me to my native place nd not letting me meet or see him im depressed asking my parents to meet him but they r like no we dont like him my parents r not ready to understand and they r saying he is with u only for ur money he also told my relatives that i dont want money but still they r keeping on adding fuel and mentally harrasing me to get married to someone else they r forcefully trying to get me married to someone else i wanna marry him only what should i do plz help i love him so does he
Ans: Dear Niveditha,
What caught my eye was the fact that you seem to have found the love that parents give their children with this person. This is not healthy as you are searching for what you lack in someone else. Work on this...and if this is the reason that you actually are in love with this person, you really need to work it.
Now when it comes to your parents' acceptance, your partner has to put in efforts to win them over and on your part rather than playing this emotionally with them, make your parents see what you see in your partner in terms of traits, qualities etc...And the less you involve family members into this circus, the better. At times, people come to have their share of fun by making things worse...So, be wise about who you involve.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 01, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi sir/mam, Im a Christian girl, Ive been in a relationship for 4years with a hindu guy. He is a gud person and used to take a very gud care of me but he has anger issues. Once when we were having a dispute he msged my mom for the first time saying all negative about me and our relationship in anger with a video clip of ours. After he sended he inforeked me and asked forgiveness and i forgave him. My parents after seeing those msgs asked me the story and then made me call him. They talked and he said all lies about himself in fear of being filed a case on him by parents. And they didnt lyk this as they knew he was lying. After this i tried to convince my parents a lot by taking stand for him but there was no use as they needed answers from him but he was telling to talk to his parents and my parents didnt agree tht.. they had been doubting on him due to fear tht he may hurt me in future after marriage due to his msg. And in final ive asked him for some time but he says his father has fixed his marriage and has given 2 options, one is to get match fixed by my parents with his parents and second option is to marry the girl his father says. He doesnt want to come forward to talk to my parents to ask for me but he says me to convince my parents by myself to talk to his parents at any cost. But here my parents are not all agreeing to talk unless he shares his and his family's details with them and explains them about surity and safety of me and my family. What should i do in this situation, ive lost hope and not knowing wht to do.. i cant leave my parents and now how much ever i try to convince my parents they wont agree. Please tell me wht to do?
Ans: Let’s be honest. Your boyfriend made a serious mistake when he sent that message to your mother in anger — especially with a personal video clip. Even if he apologized later, that moment damaged more than just your parents’ trust — it showed that under pressure, he could act impulsively and without protecting your dignity. Now, when you need him to be strong, honest, and step forward like a man truly ready to marry you, he's stepping back and asking you to convince your family alone. That isn’t love backed by action — that’s love hoping to escape responsibility.

On the other side, your parents are not being unreasonable. They’re asking for basic accountability — that he take responsibility, that they get to know who he is and what kind of family he comes from. They're not making you choose a religion or forcing you into someone else's marriage — they're asking for respect and clarity, which is valid, especially after what happened. They're also trying to protect you because they saw him react in an unstable way once already.

Now you’re left holding all the emotional weight, trying to build a bridge between two sides that aren’t willing to meet halfway.

Here’s the truth: you cannot hold a relationship alone. If he wants you, truly wants to marry you, he should show the maturity and courage to meet your parents, take ownership of his mistake, and explain his family's intentions. If he's too afraid or unwilling to do even that, then you have your answer.

You don't need to make a decision right now. But do ask yourself: Is this the kind of support and courage you want in a life partner? Not just someone who says they love you, but someone who will stand for you when things get hard. So far, it seems like you’ve done all the standing.

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10871 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 06, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2025Hindi
Money
Dear Sir/Ma'am, I need some guidance and advice for continuing my mutual fund investments. I am a 36 year old male, married, no kids yet and no debts/liabilities as such. I have couple of savings in PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and long term investing in direct stocks. I recently started below mentioned SIPs for long term to grow wealth. Request you to review the same and let me know if I should continue with the SIPs or need to rationalize. Kindly also advice on how to invest a lumpsum amount of around 6lacs. invesco small cap 2000 motilal oswal midcap 2700 parag parikh flexicap 3000 HDFC flexicap 3100 ICICI prudential largecap 3100 HDFC large and midcap 3100 HDFC gold etf FOF 2000 ICICI Pru equity and debt fund 3000 HDFC balanced advantage fund 3000 nippon india silver etf FOF 2000
Ans: You already built a solid foundation. Many investors delay planning. But you started early at 36. That gives you a strong advantage. You have no liabilities. You have long term thinking. You also have diversified savings like PPF, NPS, Emergency funds and direct stocks. That shows clarity and discipline. This approach builds wealth with less stress over time.

You also started systematic investments in equity funds. That is a positive step. Your selection covers multiple categories like large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap, hybrid and precious metals. So the intent is right. You are trying to create a broad portfolio. That gives balance.

» Your Portfolio Composition Understanding
Your current SIP list includes:

Small cap

Mid cap

Flexi cap

Large cap

Large and mid cap

Hybrid category

Gold and Silver FoF

Equity and Debt allocation fund

Dynamic hybrid fund

This shows you are trying to cover many segments. But too many categories can create overlap. When there is overlap, you get confusion during review. It also makes portfolio discipline difficult. You may think you are diversified. But the holdings inside may repeat. That reduces efficiency.

Your portfolio now looks like:

Equity dominant

Hybrid for stability

Metals for hedge

So the broad direction is fine. But simplifying helps in long-term habit building.

» Fund Category Duplication
You hold:

Two flexi cap funds

One large and mid cap fund

One pure large cap fund

One mid cap fund

One small cap fund

Flexi cap funds already invest across large, mid, small. Then large and mid also overlaps. So the large cap exposure gets repeated. That may not add extra benefit. But it increases monitoring complexity.

So I suggest rationalising. Keep one fund per category in core. Keep satellite space for only high conviction.

» Core and Satellite Strategy
A structured portfolio follows core and satellite method.

Core portfolio should be:

Simple

Long term

Stable

Satellite portfolio can be:

High growth

Concentrated

Based on your thinking level, you can structure like this:

Core funds:

One large cap

One flexi cap

One hybrid equity and debt fund

One balanced advantage type fund

Satellite funds:

One mid cap

One small cap

One metal allocation if needed

This division gives clarity. You can continue SIPs with review every year. No need to stop and restart often. That reduces behavioural mistakes.

» Your Current SIP List Review with Suggested Streamlining

You can consider continuing:

One flexi cap

One large cap

One mid cap

One small cap

One balanced advantage

One equity and debt hybrid

You may reconsider keeping both flexi caps and both gold silver funds. One of each category is enough. Because too many funds do not increase returns. It complicates tracking.

Precious metal funds should not be more than 5 to 7 percent in your portfolio. This is because metals are hedge assets. They do not create compounding like equity. They act as protection during cycles. So keep them small.

» How to Use the Rs 6 Lakh Lump Sum
You asked about lump sum investing. This is important. Lump sum should not go fully into equity at one time. Markets move in cycles. So use a staggered method. You can invest the lump sum through STP (Systematic Transfer Plan). You can keep the amount in a liquid fund and set STP toward your chosen growth funds over 6 to 12 months.

This reduces timing risk. It also creates discipline. So your Rs 6 lakh can be deployed gradually. You may use 50% towards core equity funds and 30% toward satellite growth category. The remaining 20% can go into hybrid category. This gives balance and comfort.

» Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
One important point many investors miss. Direct funds look cheaper. But they demand deep knowledge, discipline, and behaviour control. Most investors lose more through emotional selling and wrong timing than they save on expense ratio.

With regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor with Certified Financial Planner qualification, you get guidance, structure and correction. The advisory discipline protects you during market extremes. That is more valuable than a small saving in expense ratio.

A personalised planner also tracks portfolio drift, rebalancing need and category shifts. So regular fund investing gives long-term benefit and behaviour coaching.

» Actively Managed Funds over Index or ETF
Some investors choose index funds or ETF thinking they are simple and cheap. But they ignore drawbacks.

Index funds or ETF will not avoid weak companies in the index. They will invest whether the company grows or struggles. There is no fund manager decision making. So when markets are at peak, index funds continue aggressive exposure. In downturns also they fall fully. There is no cushion.

Actively managed funds work with research teams. They can avoid bad sectors. They can shift allocation based on market and economy. Over long term, this gives better alpha and stability. So continuing with actively managed funds creates better wealth compounding.

» SIP Continuation Strategy
Once the rationalisation is done, continue SIPs every month without interruption. Pause and restart behaviour damages compounding power. SIP works best when you go through all market cycles. You benefit more during corrections because cost averaging works.

So continue SIP amount. You can also review SIP increase every year based on income. Increasing SIP by 10 to 15 percent every year helps you reach large corpus faster.

» Asset Allocation Based Approach
One key point in wealth creation is having the right asset mix. Equity gives growth. Hybrid gives balance. Metals give hedge. Debt gives safety. Your asset allocation should stay aligned to your risk profile and time horizon.

Since you are young and have long term horizon, higher equity allocation is fine. But as time moves, rebalancing is important. Rebalancing protects gains and restores allocation.

So review your asset allocation every year or during major life events like child birth, home buying or retirement planning.

» Behaviour Management
Many portfolios fail not due to bad funds. They fail due to bad decisions. Selling during correction. Stopping SIP when market falls. Chasing past return performance. These mistakes reduce wealth.

Your discipline so far is good. Continue to stay patient during volatility. Equity rewards patience and time.

» Financial Goals Clarity
Since you have no children now, you can decide your long-term goals. Typical goals may include:

Retirement

Future child education

Dream lifestyle purchase

Health care reserves

When goals are clear, investment purpose becomes stronger. So you can map each fund category to goal horizon. Short-term goals should not use equity. Long-term goals should use equity with hybrid support.

» Role of Review and Monitoring
Review once in a year is enough. Frequent review can create anxiety. Annual review helps check:

Fund performance

Expense drift

Category relevance

Allocation balance

Then adjust only if needed. This progress helps you stay confident and aligned.

» Taxation Awareness
Equity mutual funds taxation rules are:

Short term (below one year holding) taxable at 20 percent

Long term (above one year holding) gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxable at 12.5 percent

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income slab.

So always hold equity funds for long term. That reduces tax impact and gives better growth.

» SIP Increase Plan
You can create a simple plan to increase SIP over time. For example:

Increase SIP at every salary increment

Increase SIP during bonus time

Use rewards or extra income for investing

This habit accelerates wealth. So by the time you reach 45 to 50 years, your investments could reach a strong level.

» Insurance and Protection
Before investing large, ensure you have term insurance and health insurance. If not already done, it is important. Insurance protects wealth. Without insurance, even a small medical event can impact investment plan. So review this part also. Since you are married, cover both.

» Wealth Behaviour Mindset
You are already disciplined. Just keep these simple principles:

Invest without stopping

Review once a year

Avoid funds overlap

Follow asset allocation

Avoid reacting to media noise

This helps you reach long term milestones.

» Finally
You are on the right track. Only fine tuning and simplification is needed. Your discipline is visible. Your portfolio will grow well with structure, patience and periodic review. Use the Rs 6 lakh with STP approach. And continue SIP with rationalised categories.

With time and consistency, wealth creation becomes effortless and peaceful. You just need to stay committed and avoid overthinking during market movements.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Dr Dipankar

Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x