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Should I marry a man shorter than me? My parents disapprove due to cultural differences and his height.

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1771 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Tanya Question by Tanya on Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hello Ma'am, I will be explaining my problem in detail. I sincerely appreciate your previous answer. As suggested, I spoke with my boyfriend about the apprehensions from my parents regarding cultural difference. He resolved many things . To be honest, what I mean by cultural difference is that I am from a Brahmin family who has been living in 'not so traditional' way. My parents are into the service class and are well educated. On the other hand, my boyfriend belongs to the merchant or 'Baniya' community and his father is a grocery shop owner and his mother is a housewife. Although they are decent people who do not put much restrictions. The reason my family is opposing this marriage even after resolving the apprehensions with my boyfriend is firstly his family background . My mother worries as to how she will introduce his family to our extended relatives and acquaintance. Adding to the problem, my boyfriend is 1.5 inches shorter than me. Now this is also a prime cause for major opposition from my family towards marrying my boyfriend. My mother explains this problem but I told her that these things do not matter . Could you please suggest me what to do now ? My boyfriend is an extremely loving person, who respects me and more than me he respects my family. Even after these problems he is ready to support me and wait for me

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You have said this:
My boyfriend is an extremely loving person, who respects me and more than me he respects my family. Even after these problems he is ready to support me and wait for me...
What more do you want?
Like I have already suggested, plan for how the two of you are going to face challenges when they arise and how you plan on working on differences that stem within the marriage due to culture and other values. Kindly refer to my first response to you...you will find suggestions there.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |708 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Apr 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 24, 2024Hindi
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Hi. I am a muslim girl. I am in a relationship from 5 years. Me and my boyfriend loves each other a lot and we are very close as well. His family also likes me and accepted me. One more thing is that he is my relative. So my family also knows their family well and other relatives too know them. The problem is my family is not agreeing for the marriage as his family once upon a time asked financial help from my other relatives as for some reason they were not in good condition. However, they are now financially stable and ready for the marriage. But my family mix with one evil relative and she said very bad things about my bfs family which are not true. My family will never agree for the marriage. I tried many times to make them understand but they have too much ego. They want me to marry a rich guy so that they can show off to other people whether I am happy or not. Since childhood I have no good bonding with my parents due to their selfish nature. Moreover, other relatives never talked bad about my bf and his family. My family told me to not talk to him ever but I still talk to him as I truly feel he is my soulmate. What should I do at this situation?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry to hear that you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes parents make decisions on our behalf without understanding what it is that we want; that doesn't necessarily mean that our parents are selfish. More often than not, they do it with our best intentions in mind. You might be misunderstanding your parents wanting to show off a rich son-in-law. It is possible that they want you to have an easy life. Having said that, it is also important that your feelings be taken into consideration. You have been with your partner for five years and that is a significant amount of time. I suggest you try to reason with your parents. You can try bringing them all together and ask both your parents and your boyfriend's parents to talk it out. If there is clear communication, nothing will be left to assumptions. Next, keep on mentioning all the positive things about your partner. Try to etch that in your parents' mind. Third, if you are not working, I suggest you start looking for a job. Regardless of your parents', husband's, and his family's financial conditions, you should have financial freedom. You can also contribute to building a better life for yourself and your family.
I am sure your boyfriend and his family are amazing; you have spent five years with him and that should give you a fair idea. But just a gentle reminder, no one can be sure of someone's true nature till they start living together. I am not insinuating that your relatives are right about badmouthing your partner's family; all I am suggesting is that you look into it a bit more thoroughly. Marriage is indeed a big decision and rushing into it would be foolish.
And one more thing, it's just a phase. Tough times don't last forever.

Best Wishes!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi mam/sir, I am 24 independent girl living in Bangalore. I come from a middle class family, with lot of past issues. My parents have horrible relationship; my father has never supported us in our education. My mother has only been there for us. My mother’s family has also supported us alot. I have a boyfriend for 4 years, he is well settled and educated person. I told my mother about him 2 years back. But my mother is not flinching at all, she is very firm that she will never agree to this as the boy is from another caste. She also says her parents i.e my grandparents will stop talking to us, their reaction will be horrifying. This I am also aware a little bit, my family is extremely conservative and no one in my family has ever done love marriage. I have slowly started to gather somd strength nd told my few cousins & aunt. They all suggestive me to forget this guy, as our family will never agree to it. I do not know how to proceed. This person is amazing & i am sure about him. On the other hand my mother has been constantly taunting me for this; but i am grateful to her for all her support till date. And the worst part - this alliance can only be finalised when my grandparents agree to it. Neither me nor my mother has guts to talk to them about it.
Ans: our mother’s strong opposition, driven by deeply ingrained beliefs and fear of societal backlash, makes it even harder. It’s understandable that she feels bound by her family’s expectations, and the thought of confronting your grandparents is overwhelming for both of you.

The fact that she has been constantly taunting you about this must be emotionally draining. At the same time, you feel grateful for all the support she has given you throughout your life, which makes this even more complicated. Your extended family reinforcing her stance adds to your struggle, making you feel like you have no one on your side.

You have already taken a big step by standing your ground, despite the pressure. Right now, the best approach might be to gradually help your mother see your boyfriend as a person, beyond just his caste. Instead of forcing the conversation toward marriage immediately, you could try introducing him in a way that feels natural—talking about his achievements, his values, and how he has supported you. Over time, she may begin to see him in a different light.

Since your grandparents hold the final say in family matters, their reaction is something you’re dreading. You know they will be resistant, and the thought of confronting them feels almost impossible. But at some point, the conversation will have to happen. It might help to find an ally within your family, someone who could support your case when the time comes. Is there anyone who has even slightly modern views or who understands you better? If there is, getting their support could make a huge difference.

While you navigate all of this, it’s important to remind yourself that this is your life. Your happiness matters, and while family approval is important, so is your personal choice. If they remain rigid despite your efforts, you may have to prepare yourself for tough decisions. The question you may need to ask yourself is how much time you’re willing to wait and what you would do if they never agree. If your boyfriend’s family is supportive, that could be a source of strength for you.

This is not an easy path, but if you believe in your relationship, standing by it with patience and persistence may eventually lead to a solution.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |656 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
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LI have a boyfriend of almost 3 years. We have been in a loving relationship. My boyfriend lives in a joint family set up while I have lived almost my whole life in a nuclear family. My family has always been very open minded whereas his family is a traditional Indian jount family. Over this period I have met his family twice or thrice for not more than 2 hours or so. Same is the case with my boyfriend His side of the family seemed to be decent overall. Since, we are planning to get married, me and my boyfriend decided to introduce our families with each other. On doing so, my parents found multiple points of differences in their culture and ours. They even warned me if I will be able to survive in this family and I feel that my family is 100 per cent right about this. Although, they approved of my boyfriend but not his family. Should I marry him?
Ans: It’s great that you and your boyfriend have a loving relationship and are thinking about the future. However, the concerns raised by your parents about the differences in family setups are valid, especially since they can play a big role in your day-to-day life after marriage.

Before making any decision, have an open conversation with your boyfriend about what life will be like in a joint family. Discuss expectations, privacy, and how involved his family will be in your marriage. It's also important to reflect on how flexible you both are when it comes to navigating these differences. While love is crucial, adapting to different family dynamics can impact your happiness long-term.

Ultimately, the question is whether both of you can work together to balance your individual expectations while maintaining harmony with his family. If you feel confident in your ability to communicate and compromise, and that he will support you through this, it could work. However, if you foresee these cultural differences causing too much strain, it’s important to weigh that carefully before moving forward.

..Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |708 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 17, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I have a boyfriend of almost 3 years. We have been in a loving relationship. My boyfriend lives in a joint family set up while I have lived almost my whole life in a nuclear family. My family has always been very open minded whereas his family is a traditional Indian jount family. Over this period I have met his family twice or thrice for not more than 2 hours or so. Same is the case with my boyfriend His side of the family seemed to be decent overall. Since, we are planning to get married, me and my boyfriend decided to introduce our families with each other. On doing so, my parents found multiple points of differences in their culture and ours. They even warned me if I will be able to survive in this family and I feel that my family is 100 per cent right about this. Although, they approved of my boyfriend but not his family. Should I marry him?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I can't really tell you whether you should or shouldn't marry him, but I understand that moving from a nuclear family to a joint one can be a big adjustment. I would suggest not to rush into any decision. Take some time to think- 1) Are you willing to make big life changes for your partner? 2) If so, how far are you willing to go? 3) Do you think these changes will negatively affect your mental health and your relationship in general? 4) Are these differences worth breaking up with your partner? 5) Take a look at the big picture- do not focus on momentary happiness or sorrow.
It is indeed a big decision and it is one you should be making with your partner. Communicate your fears to your partner- let him come up with solutions. But, in the event, you are certain you will never be able to adapt to their lifestyle, don't let anyone manipulate you into getting married to him. It will only ruin both of your future.

Best wishes.

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Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
Hi Sir, This is my second question after one and half years. I am running 37 years old. My inhand salary after all deductions is 77k. I have loan emi 32k which is going to end in feb 2027. I don't have any savings and mutual fund. How do i start financial planning and investment? I have my wife,6 years old son and 4 years old daughter. No other dependents. I would like to plan investment for house building after 7 years( my own plot around 1500 sq ft). Kindly advise.
Ans: You are asking this question at the right time. At 37, you still have many earning years ahead. Taking responsibility for your wife and two young children while planning for a future house shows strong commitment towards your family.

Even though you have no savings today, your situation can improve with a structured approach.

» Understanding Your Present Financial Position

Your monthly income and commitments are:

– Monthly income: Rs 77k
– Loan EMI: Rs 32k (till Feb 2027)
– Family of four with two young children

Currently your loan EMI is consuming a large portion of income. So the first phase of planning should focus on stability and protection.

» Build Emergency Fund First

Before investing, you must create an emergency fund.

This fund protects your family if:

– Job loss happens
– Medical emergency occurs
– Unexpected expenses arise

Try to accumulate at least 6 months of expenses.

Start small.

– Save around Rs 5k to Rs 8k monthly
– Keep this in a liquid fund or safe savings instrument

Do not use this money for any other purpose.

» Protect Your Family with Insurance

Since you are the only earning member, protection is critical.

You should have:

– Pure term insurance of at least Rs 1 crore
– Family health insurance cover for wife and children

Without these protections, one unexpected event can destroy financial plans.

Insurance is the foundation of financial planning.

» Begin Investment Through SIP

Once the emergency fund starts building, begin systematic investment.

Mutual funds are suitable for long-term goals like children education and house construction.

Prefer actively managed diversified equity funds.

Benefits of actively managed funds:

– Professional fund managers select quality companies
– Portfolio changes based on market conditions
– Aim to generate returns higher than market average

Start with small SIP.

Even Rs 5k to Rs 10k per month is a good beginning.

Over time you can increase it.

» House Construction Goal After 7 Years

You already own the plot. That is a big advantage.

Construction cost after 7 years may be substantial.

So your strategy should be:

– Continue SIP in equity funds for growth
– Increase investment once EMI ends in Feb 2027

When your EMI of Rs 32k stops, that amount becomes your biggest opportunity.

If you redirect that EMI into investments:

– Wealth can grow much faster
– House construction fund can accumulate steadily

» Planning for Children Education

Your children are 6 and 4 years old.

Higher education will come after 10 to 15 years.

This long time horizon is perfect for equity mutual funds.

Start small SIPs now in diversified funds and gradually increase contributions every year.

The power of compounding will work strongly over this time.

» Keep Investments Simple

Avoid spreading money across too many instruments.

A simple structure works best:

– Emergency fund for safety
– Equity mutual funds for long-term goals
– Limited exposure to other assets

Simplicity helps you stay disciplined.

» Tax Awareness

When you redeem equity mutual funds:

– Long term capital gains above Rs 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%
– Short term gains taxed at 20%

Holding investments for longer periods reduces tax burden.

» Finally

Your financial journey should start step by step.

Focus on these priorities:

– Build emergency fund first
– Take term insurance and health insurance
– Start small SIP in actively managed equity funds
– After Feb 2027, redirect EMI amount into investments
– Gradually build corpus for house construction and children education

Consistency is more important than starting with big amounts.

If you remain disciplined, your financial situation can change significantly in the next 7 to 10 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |599 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 07, 2026Hindi
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |11060 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

Money
I am 36 years old and now I am getting in hand 60k staying at Bangalore .I have 18.5 lakhs in my bank account. Room rent 10k household expenses 12 k invested 10k in sip. Please guide me how to and where to invest this amount..layoff also going on in my it company. Please suggest for my safe future . I have a 3 year boy his health also not good .
Ans: Your situation shows responsibility and awareness. At age 36, earning Rs.60,000 per month, maintaining savings of Rs.18.5 lakhs, and already investing through SIP shows good financial discipline. Also, your concern about job stability and your child’s health shows that you are thinking about your family’s long-term security. With a few structured steps, you can strengthen your financial safety and future stability.

» Your Current Financial Position

– Monthly in-hand income: around Rs.60,000
– Rent: Rs.10,000
– Household expenses: Rs.12,000
– SIP investment: Rs.10,000
– Savings in bank: Rs.18.5 lakhs

This means you are living within your income and also saving regularly. That is a very positive starting point.

However, because there are layoffs in the IT sector and you also have family responsibilities, the focus should be on safety, stability, and long-term growth.

» Build a Strong Emergency Fund First

Job uncertainty and your child’s health condition make an emergency reserve very important.

– Keep around 9 to 12 months of expenses as emergency fund
– Your monthly expenses are roughly Rs.22,000 to Rs.25,000
– So maintaining around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency reserve is sensible

This money should stay in safe and liquid options so that you can access it immediately during job loss or medical needs.

Do not invest this emergency money in risky assets.

» Health Protection for Your Family

Since your child already has health concerns, health insurance becomes very important.

– Take a good family health insurance plan that covers you, your spouse, and your child
– Choose a policy with adequate coverage because medical costs in cities like Bangalore are high
– If your company provides health insurance, do not depend only on that because it stops when you leave the job

Medical protection protects your savings from getting wiped out.

» Use Your Rs.18.5 Lakhs Carefully

You do not need to invest the full amount immediately.

A balanced approach works better.

– Keep around Rs.3 to 4 lakhs as emergency fund
– Keep some amount in safe instruments for short-term needs
– Gradually deploy the remaining money into diversified mutual funds through a systematic transfer approach

This helps you avoid investing a large amount at the wrong market timing.

» Continue and Slowly Increase SIP Investments

You are already investing Rs.10,000 per month in SIP. That is a very good habit.

Over time, you can improve it.

– Increase SIP whenever salary increases
– Focus on diversified equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation
– Keep your investment horizon at least 10 to 15 years

Equity mutual funds help beat inflation and build long-term wealth for goals like your child’s education.

Actively managed funds are helpful because professional fund managers analyse companies, manage risks, and adjust portfolios based on market conditions. This active management helps investors during uncertain markets.

» Create Separate Goals for Your Child

Your child is only 3 years old. This gives you a long time horizon.

You can create separate investments for:

– Child education
– Child health security
– Long-term family wealth

Starting early helps you accumulate wealth gradually without putting pressure on your monthly budget.

» Improve Career Security

Financial planning is not only about investments. Income stability is equally important.

– Upgrade your skills within the IT industry
– Maintain a secondary emergency skill or certification
– Build professional connections in your industry

This increases your chances of faster recovery even if layoffs happen.

» Avoid Risky Decisions Now

Because your income is moderate and job stability is uncertain, avoid:

– High-risk stock trading
– Investing entire savings in one asset class
– Sudden large investments without planning
– Borrowing money to invest

Your focus should be stability and disciplined growth.

» Work With a Structured Financial Plan

A proper financial plan helps align:

– emergency planning
– insurance protection
– goal-based investments
– tax planning
– retirement planning

A Certified Financial Planner can help structure these elements together so that every rupee you save works toward your long-term financial security.

» Finally

You are already on the right track. Many people at age 36 do not have Rs.18.5 lakhs in savings or a disciplined SIP habit. Your awareness about risk, family needs, and future planning is a strong foundation.

With a balanced approach of emergency protection, proper insurance, disciplined mutual fund investing, and career stability, you can build a safe and strong financial future for your family and your child.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramalingamcfp/

...Read more

Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |10940 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Mar 11, 2026

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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