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My 13-year-old son is brilliant but hates studying. What should I do?

Archana Deshpande |100 Answers |Ask -Follow

Image Coach, Soft Skills Trainer - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

Archana Deshpande, the founder of TransformMe Life Skills Coaching, is an image consultant, soft skills trainer and life coach.
She has been working with individuals and corporate organisations for more than 10 years during which she has helped professionals and students improve their soft skills, build confidence and enhance self-esteem.
An engineer from the PDA College of Engineering, Gulbarga, Archana had a successful career at Reliance Communications. But she has always been interested in teaching and training people. So she pursued a postgraduate diploma in teacher’s training at Pune’s Symbiosis Institute of Management Studies followed by teaching assignments in schools at Visakhapatnam and Mumbai.
Archana also holds an international certificate in image consulting and soft skills training from the Image Consulting Business Institute, Mumbai.... more

Question by Jay on Aug 13, 2024Hindi

Hi, I am father of 13 years old boy, my son is not interested in studies, we generally found him dreaming or killing time on gaming. His mind is brilliant but donot want to sit in patience for 1hrs of studies. Now he had started telling lies and thus results are also went down. We had tried everything from not speaking to stopping all leisure time. Recently he had also started scolding and shouting on us. Please suggest what to do.

Ans: Hello Jay!!

This is such a phase of your life with a teenager, that I cannot give you a "to do list" to conform to and whoosh the problems go away!!
What I suggest is this -
1. a teenager is tough to deal with. You have been a teenager once too..it is a very tough phase of life for the teen too, raging hormones, mood swings , a body that is constantly changing every day. Today's teen has it tougher, what with social media and peer pressure to deal with. Your son needs is an understanding parent ,be one pls
2. take care of his physical well being and mental well being. Good food, mental rest ( away from social media and gaming), good sleep and engaging in worthy pursuits( channelize his energies in learning an instrument, singing, debating, football, tennis, anything where he can expend his mental and physical energies... either enrol him in theses classes or have tutors coming home)
3.if making him study is getting difficult, hire tutors to teach him, physical classes, not online.
4. you said he has a brilliant mind... it is time to engage him in worthy pursuits
5. every day is a challenge with a teenager, you , being the parent has to keep changing strategies based on the need/mood of the day
6. as a parent read up on how to deal with a teenager and act accordingly
7. no confronting or criticizing openly, talk to him with all respect..do not tolerate his shouting and scolding...tell him it is unacceptable, nip it in the bud before it becomes a habit. You start dealing with problems and finding a solution in a calm manner, he'll start doing the same, he is learning from everyone around . It is good if adults around him behave properly
8.you are the adult here, set boundaries regarding screen time and stick to it. You all adults at home also need to have control over screen time.
9. talk to his teachers, counsellors, psychologist and anyone who can bridge the gap between you and your child, to help you communicate effectively with each other
10. channelize your son's energies, be with him, understand him( keep telling him that you and he are in the same team),love him, cherish him, guide him, be there for him and create WIN WIN situations!!

All the best to both you and your son!! Happy parenting..