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Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 28, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Hi anu.morn. i m Sk. I have spoilt my relations with a lot of people bcoz i.owe them.money. they do not show it and i have got to know bcoz they want to be distant bcoz they think i will ask them.more money. They are right. I am.not using the money for some negative purpose but for education of my.child. in my.heart i would surely return the money shortly. I could not return the money bcoz i had no.job for a few monthd and now i m.stressed up bcoz i need to return.the money ASAP. This is giving me sleepless nights as the money is taken on interest. Plz help me with a solutiion.thanks

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
This simply means you haven't been financially prudent!
And to top that, people do not trust you with their money? In the past, have you borrowed money and not returned it to people?
For the people that you need to return the money:
- Do remember, that the ones you have loaned you the money have done so, believing you fully.
- Do remember that these people also need their money for their use
- Do remember to communicate to them as to when you will return their money and keep that commitment
They do not know that you have good intentions in your heart to return the money. So, communicate that to them, so that they trust you and support you.

Money does in between people and spoils the dynamics of the relationship. So do not let this situation play out again the future. Seek the help of someone who can help you manage your monies well and advise you on investments as well. Make your money work work you.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |957 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2022

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Relationship
Dear ma’am, I really appreciate you helping the community getting mentally healthy.I feel very complicated and sleepless. Please help.I am 45, male. My whole life, as I remember, I have been taken advantage of -- by friends, parents, siblings.I am sensitive, I have anger but I cannot talk back or stand up for myself and try to adjust, move on, simmer within, not to talk back to elders (or anybody). If I talk back I get so much guilt, and maybe so continue to be taken advantage of.I have had many soft abuse/humiliation/pressure episodes with friends/family that are stuck and stuck; but those don't happen since I am grown-up, plus people are no more around. I feel I got damaged that way.But financially since the last 20 years -- relatives, friends, father, siblings have cheated me loaning money with false promises and they don't take care about their loan responsibility and live their sporty life. Here I feel like a beggar the whole time enquiring about getting my own stuck money back, getting false promises, false reasons, hundreds of those conversations, also sometimes making me feel guilty in reverse (what is your money urgency type?) to ask my own money back. Those people are still around. The total runs in many lakhs just principal and nominal interest also will run that much. I don't have energy deal those people, negativity, bad values that comes along. So last few years, I just kept mum, on surface smile (internally bad memories). But that is bu**sh**Six months ago, I decided and started cutting off those people for good. I don't need negativity. I have enough savings. I felt relaxed that I at least mentally I took that hard decision.But other side, it is so difficult as they are close people, family, friends -- I am bound to see them at family functions, my mom/wife/kids talk with some, they may call them home also etc. I feel afraid and super angry to even see their face, and even if they hypothetically return money -- I don't feel like accepting it also; let them remain cut off from my life.Plus I suffer from depression since 15 years (on/off medicines) that mom/kids don't know, wife cannot really empathize. I just feel too weak. Did I do the right thing to cut off people and stick to that decision in future? How to face them in life then?
Ans:

Dear KK,

The reason why people bend backwards to do things for people and have trouble saying NO is because they worry not being loved by others or getting their attention.

Maybe they also worry about being alone because others might reject them if a boundary is drawn.

So, find out why you have been allowing these people (family and friends) take advantage of you.

When will you find the strength to respect and value yourself?

Once you do, others will do that as well and not complain about you standing up for yourself. And there is no need to hold onto people by being nice to them by loaning money. Are they going to lie you for the money or for who you are?

Work with the person who has prescribed medicines for your depression on the deep-rooted cause for your poor self-esteem which makes you depend on others to make you feel good or feel anger when you see them.

Till you work on these, your connection with your family will be a struggle. So, help yourself first by taking care of your emotional health.

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |237 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Sir. I have a typical.problem here. I lend.money to one of.mynfriends for his bzness..I worked as a consultant for him. I made an agreement for the money given to him. Nevertheless he didn't return the money yet..I left him now some months back. Though I asked him to give bac money but he says he has lost lot in his bzness and also says he can't return the money. Sometimes indirectly he says that because of me he has landed in loss. I don't want to go.legally but it has been lot.ot.months that he has returned money. But now I can't wait. What should I do now..pls advise. Thanks
Ans: Navigating financial matters within friendships can be challenging, especially when agreements aren't upheld as expected.

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your friend about the loan. Express your concerns and feelings without blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to convey how his actions have impacted you personally.
Give your friend an opportunity to explain his side of the story. Listen attentively to understand his perspective and the challenges he's facing with his business. Empathize with his situation while also emphasizing the importance of fulfilling financial commitments.
Instead of dwelling on past grievances, shift the conversation toward finding a solution that works for both of you. Explore options such as renegotiating the repayment terms, setting up a payment plan, or considering alternative forms of compensation if he's unable to repay the full amount immediately.
Validate your friend's feelings and concerns about the situation, but also assert the impact his actions have had on you. Help him understand the importance of honoring agreements and maintaining trust in the relationship.
Clearly communicate your expectations moving forward. If you're unable to reach a resolution or if your friend continues to disregard the agreement, be prepared to set boundaries to protect yourself financially and emotionally. This might involve seeking legal advice or taking further action if necessary.
While it's important to address the financial issue, prioritize preserving the friendship if possible. Reassure your friend that your intention is not to harm the relationship but to find a mutually beneficial solution. Emphasize the value you place on your friendship and your desire to work through this challenge together.
Use this experience as an opportunity for personal and relational growth. Reflect on what you've learned about trust, communication, and financial boundaries in friendships. Apply these lessons to future interactions to prevent similar issues from arising.
Ultimately, finding a resolution to financial disputes within friendships requires patience, empathy, and effective communication. By approaching the situation with understanding and a willingness to collaborate, you can work toward a solution that honors both your financial needs and the integrity of your relationship.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |3744 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

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Money
Hi mam namaste my name karthikeyan from ariyalur district tamilnadu i need your help i m middle class family i need your help i want 25000lakhs money because loan problem I m married one boy baby is tgere mam very difficult running my family please kindly help i m returns give your money in 2years mam Please mam
Ans: Namaste Karthikeyan,

I understand the challenges you're facing, and I commend you for reaching out for help. In times of difficulty, it's important to remember that every setback is an opportunity for growth and learning. Let's explore how you can overcome this obstacle and create a brighter future for yourself and your family.

Firstly, it's crucial to adopt a positive mindset and believe in your ability to overcome this challenge. Remember, "Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve." This famous quote by Napoleon Hill highlights the power of positive thinking and determination in achieving our goals.

Now, let's focus on practical steps you can take to address your financial difficulties. Start by creating a clear plan to manage your finances more effectively. Track your expenses, identify areas where you can cut costs, and prioritize your spending to ensure your family's needs are met.

Next, explore opportunities to increase your income. Whether it's through additional work, freelancing, or starting a small business, there are always avenues to generate extra income. Remember, "Opportunities are all around us if we have the courage to seize them."

Additionally, consider seeking financial assistance or guidance from local government schemes, NGOs, or community organizations. Don't hesitate to reach out for support when needed. Remember, "Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."

Lastly, stay committed to your goals and persevere through any challenges that come your way. With determination and resilience, you can overcome this temporary setback and emerge stronger than ever before. Remember, "The starting point of all achievement is desire."

In conclusion, Karthikeyan, I encourage you to stay positive, take proactive steps to improve your financial situation, and never lose sight of your dreams. With patience, perseverance, and a positive mindset, you can overcome any obstacle and create a better future for yourself and your family.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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