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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |645 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Sir. I have a typical.problem here. I lend.money to one of.mynfriends for his bzness..I worked as a consultant for him. I made an agreement for the money given to him. Nevertheless he didn't return the money yet..I left him now some months back. Though I asked him to give bac money but he says he has lost lot in his bzness and also says he can't return the money. Sometimes indirectly he says that because of me he has landed in loss. I don't want to go.legally but it has been lot.ot.months that he has returned money. But now I can't wait. What should I do now..pls advise. Thanks

Ans: Navigating financial matters within friendships can be challenging, especially when agreements aren't upheld as expected.

Initiate an open and honest conversation with your friend about the loan. Express your concerns and feelings without blaming or accusing. Use "I" statements to convey how his actions have impacted you personally.
Give your friend an opportunity to explain his side of the story. Listen attentively to understand his perspective and the challenges he's facing with his business. Empathize with his situation while also emphasizing the importance of fulfilling financial commitments.
Instead of dwelling on past grievances, shift the conversation toward finding a solution that works for both of you. Explore options such as renegotiating the repayment terms, setting up a payment plan, or considering alternative forms of compensation if he's unable to repay the full amount immediately.
Validate your friend's feelings and concerns about the situation, but also assert the impact his actions have had on you. Help him understand the importance of honoring agreements and maintaining trust in the relationship.
Clearly communicate your expectations moving forward. If you're unable to reach a resolution or if your friend continues to disregard the agreement, be prepared to set boundaries to protect yourself financially and emotionally. This might involve seeking legal advice or taking further action if necessary.
While it's important to address the financial issue, prioritize preserving the friendship if possible. Reassure your friend that your intention is not to harm the relationship but to find a mutually beneficial solution. Emphasize the value you place on your friendship and your desire to work through this challenge together.
Use this experience as an opportunity for personal and relational growth. Reflect on what you've learned about trust, communication, and financial boundaries in friendships. Apply these lessons to future interactions to prevent similar issues from arising.
Ultimately, finding a resolution to financial disputes within friendships requires patience, empathy, and effective communication. By approaching the situation with understanding and a willingness to collaborate, you can work toward a solution that honors both your financial needs and the integrity of your relationship.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 21, 2025Hindi
Money
I had given some 14.1 lakhs to one of my close relative of my wife (brother), for his settling of EMI (home loan, car loan & personal loan) during his layoff from work for about 6 months and also prior to that, when he initially had started purchasing the house, helping him with the pre-loan amount, dating back to three years. He is not returning the amount. This is causing distress to me mentally and is ruining my relationship with my wife. How to deal with and handle such financial matters among relations? Also advice me whether this is normal - to help someone in their times of need and they not returning the favour, even after repeated attempts. And how to deal with it?
Ans: Handling family financial matters needs care, clarity, and compassion. You have done a lot to support your brother-in-law. That shows your generosity. Now it’s affecting your peace and marriage. Let’s explore how to deal with this smartly, from all angles.

Understanding the Emotional Strain
Helping family feels right and heartwarming

But non-repayment leads to distrust and stress

This impacts mental peace and sleep quality

Also affects your relationship with your wife

Money mix with emotions can harm bonds

You may feel regret or resentment now

Recognising this stress is the first step

Accept your feelings as valid and real

Identifying Core Issues
Lack of formal agreement creates confusion

Absence of timeline lets things drag on

No repayment plan means money stays stuck

That can make resentment grow silently

Your wife may feel frustrated on your behalf

Her brother may be under financial pressure

Cultural norms may discourage written agreements

But written plans avoid misunderstandings

Reality is, relationships get tested around money

Establishing a Clear Repayment Dialogue
You need a calm, honest discussion with him.

Choose a good time when his mood is calm

Mention you value him and the family bond

Express how the situation affects your spouse

Use “I feel” statements to avoid blaming

Ask him about his financial plan to repay

Invite him to propose a repayment schedule

Keep tone respectful and collaborative

Suggest monthly instalments or lumpsum plan

Offer flexibility if genuine hardship exists

Document any agreed plan in writing

You are asking him kindly, not confronting angrily.

Building Accountability and Transparency
Once a plan is set, follow through.

Ask for a simple email or message agreement

Agree on monthly instalment dates and amounts

Put reminders on your phone or calendar

Each payment should be recorded by both

If payment misses, reach out respectfully

If delay continues, set a fresh conversation

Document everything to avoid confusion

This transparency supports trust and fairness.

Involving Your Wife Constructively
Your partner must feel included.

Share the plan with her calmly

Let her voice her concerns openly

Make joint decisions on follow-up actions

Avoid blaming or emotional pressure

Reassure her that you value trust

Work as a team in resolving this issue

Strong partnerships reduce financial stress

Seeking Mediation If Dialogue Fails
If repeated attempts fail, mediation may help.

Involve a respected family elder or neutral cousin

Ask them to facilitate a calm repayment talk

They can help him feel safe and respected

They can hold him accountable to your plan

Keep the discussion private and respectful

Avoid involving too many people at once

Mediation can restore balance without conflict

Learning for Future Family Lending
Let this be a learning opportunity.

Always have a written agreement if lending large amounts

Avoid mixing large funds without documentation

Treat it like a loan, even within family

Include repayment timeline and approach

Consider small interest, as formal contracts do

Avoid burdening emotions with money matters

Share your learnings openly with family

These simple practices save future stress and broken trust.

Dealing with Your Own Emotions
Take care of your mental and emotional health.

Take time out each day to unwind

Don’t blame yourself harshly

Speak to a friend or counselor if needed

Journaling your feelings can bring clarity

Focus on stress-free relationships

Financial peace needs emotional self-care

Looking after yourself strengthens your marriage.

Setting Boundaries Without Alienation
Boundaries are healthy and necessary.

Explain your limits kindly, not harshly

Be clear on what you can and cannot do now

Say “I cannot lend more until repayment starts”

Offer non-monetary support if genuine

This shows love with limits, not rejection

Boundaries preserve respect and reduce misuse

When Repayment Doesn’t Happen
Nobody can force anyone to pay back.

You can’t break the law if no document exists

Avoid hurting relationships over money

Decide a threshold where you stop trying

Accept that some money may be unrecoverable

Let forgiveness begin, even while you move on

Avoid gossiping or tarnishing reputations

This brings peace even if money is lost

Strengthening Your Financial Future
Use this experience to build resilience in money habits.

Treat family lending as a serious decision

Draw up agreements even for small amounts

Keep a family loan register or log

Use formal channels for repayments

Learn to say “no” with kindness

Practice ‘giving with boundaries’ always

Prioritize your peace over heroism

Finally
You acted from a place of love and support.
But money should not break your peace or marriage.
Set clear repayment plan with dignity and care.
Involve your wife in the process openly.
Use written reminders and gentle follow-up.
Consider mediation if needed.
Accept the loss if repayment fails but protect your bond.
Apply the lessons learnt for future family support.
Your relationship and mental well?being matter most.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10870 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 31, 2025

Money
Hello sir I am a 19 years old boy. 6 months ago me and my friend started a business. We took a loan of 3 lakhs from personal people with 3% interest. It's been already 6 months and we can't repay his loan. And he have given us just now 2 days time. What should we do. We apply loan in the bank but they declined by saying that there are not sufficient documents and monthly income. If we can't repay our loan in 2 days then he will destroy our future . Please sir what should I do please guide me.
Ans: Starting a business at 19 is a brave step. You’ve shown courage and action. That is a strong quality. You’ve already done something many people only think about. So please take heart. Even though things are tough now, this is not the end. It can still turn around with the right actions. Let us approach the situation step by step.

Talk Openly and Calmly with the Lender

– Please meet the person who gave the loan.

– Be respectful, but explain your real situation.

– Tell him you want to repay but need time.

– Assure him of your commitment and honesty.

– You can request a revised timeline for repayment.

– Suggest small monthly payments till business picks up.

– If possible, make a part payment of Rs. 10,000 or Rs. 20,000 now.

– That small gesture will show your intention to repay.

– Many lenders become flexible when they see honesty and effort.

Do Not Run Away or Avoid the Lender

– Skipping communication makes the lender more angry.

– That can lead to threats or even complaints.

– It also damages your personal reputation.

– Please show up and take responsibility.

– You may feel pressure, but facing it is the brave step.

Explore Support from Family or Known Circles

– This is not the time for ego.

– Request help from family members or close relatives.

– Explain everything honestly. Don’t hide anything.

– They may not give full amount, but something is better than nothing.

– Even Rs. 50,000 can help you calm the lender temporarily.

– Friends or ex-colleagues can also offer temporary support.

– Offer to pay them back monthly with proper plan.

Try to Raise Funds from Business Customers

– Look at your business: Can you collect dues from any clients?

– Offer them discounts for early payments.

– Can you sell some stock at lower price to get quick cash?

– Even a quick sale at loss is better than loan damage.

– Cash flow matters now more than profits.

– Try all small ways to raise at least part of the amount.

Avoid Personal Loans or Credit Cards for Now

– You already got rejected by banks. That’s okay.

– Don’t go to loan apps or high-interest private lenders.

– Many charge more than 36% yearly. That’s dangerous.

– It will only increase your stress and ruin your credit score.

– Focus on real income, not more loans.

List Down All Personal Assets

– Do you have a scooter, phone, gadgets, or any asset?

– Can you sell or pledge it temporarily?

– Even Rs. 30,000 from old items can reduce lender pressure.

– This step may feel painful, but it buys you time and safety.

– Remember, assets can be bought again later.

Offer Work or Partnership to the Lender

– This may sound strange, but consider it.

– If the lender is business-minded, offer him a profit-sharing model.

– Show him your business plan and what you’re trying to build.

– Offer him part of future profits if he agrees to wait for repayment.

– He may agree if he sees potential and your honesty.

Keep the Business Alive, But Cut Costs

– Don’t shut the business out of fear. It can still work.

– Cut all expenses to bare minimum. Every rupee matters.

– Don’t take salary now. Keep focus on survival.

– Track every paisa. Treat it like gold.

– Make a short-term goal of breaking even monthly.

– Slowly you can repay all if the business becomes stable.

Build Credibility with Documentation

– Though banks denied loans, don’t lose hope.

– Start documenting your business from now.

– Keep income records, bills, client receipts.

– Register the business if not done already.

– Open a current account for the business.

– This builds a strong base to apply for loans later.

Learn from the Mistake, but Don’t Quit

– Taking unplanned loans without backup is risky. You now know that.

– This will teach you financial discipline.

– But don’t lose confidence. Many big business owners failed once.

– Learning early in life is a blessing.

– Success is not about avoiding failure, but learning fast from it.

Avoid Wrong Advice and Quick Fixes

– Some people may advise you to take another loan to repay this one.

– Or some may say run away or avoid the lender.

– These are temporary escapes. You will suffer more later.

– Stay on honest path. You are young and can rebuild quickly.

Start Personal Budgeting Immediately

– Track your personal expenses from today.

– Cut all luxuries or non-essentials.

– Save every rupee possible.

– Use savings to repay the lender slowly if he agrees.

– Start small SIP in mutual funds once your base is strong.

In Future, Build Emergency Fund First

– After recovery, keep at least 3 months’ expenses saved.

– This will protect you in business down periods.

– Never invest or start a venture without this safety net.

Don’t Mix Insurance with Investment

– If you ever bought ULIPs or LIC endowment policies, review them.

– They usually give low returns and high charges.

– If you have such policies, surrender them after checking terms.

– Invest that money in mutual funds through CFP-guided MFDs.

– Avoid investment-cum-insurance plans in future.

Avoid Direct Mutual Funds Without Guidance

– Direct plans may look cheaper but lack human guidance.

– As a beginner, wrong fund choice or wrong timing can hurt.

– Regular plans through MFDs guided by Certified Financial Planners give better handholding.

– They also track your progress and guide in tough times.

Why Actively Managed Funds Are Better

– Index funds just copy the market.

– They don’t adapt to market changes or risks.

– In falling markets, they give full downside.

– Actively managed funds have skilled managers.

– They can reduce risk and find better opportunities.

– Over time, they can give better returns if chosen wisely.

Think Long Term, but Act Fast Today

– Your immediate goal is to calm the lender.

– Next step is to cut business losses and build income.

– Then create a 1-year, 3-year and 5-year financial roadmap.

– You are only 19. You can bounce back better and stronger.

Finally

– Appreciate your courage to reach out and share the issue.

– Many stay silent and make it worse. You did the right thing.

– Take one step at a time. Start today.

– This challenge is just a chapter, not the end.

– You have time, energy and courage on your side.

– Use this moment to build financial maturity.

– One right action now can save your next 10 years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

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Dr Dipankar Dutta  |1837 Answers  |Ask -

Tech Careers and Skill Development Expert - Answered on Dec 05, 2025

Career
Dear Sir, I did my BTech from a normal engineering college not very famous. The teaching was not great and hence i did not study well. I tried my best to learn coding including all the technologies like html,css,javascript,react js,dba,php because i wanted to be a web developer But nothing seem to enter my head except html and css. I don't understand a language which has more complexities. Is it because of my lack of experience or not devoting enough time. I am not sure. I did many courses online and tried to do diplomas also abroad which i passed somehow. I recently joined android development course because i like apps but the teaching was so fast that i could not memorize anything. There was no time to even take notes down. During the course i did assignments and understood the code because i have to pass but after the course is over i tend to forget everything. I attempted a lot of interviews. Some of them i even got but could not perform well so they let me go. Now due to the AI booming and job markets in a bad shape i am re-thinking whether to keep studying or whether its just time waste. Since 3 years i am doing labour type of jobs which does not yield anything to me for survival and to pay my expenses. I have the quest to learn everything but as soon as i sit in front of the computer i listen to music or read something else. What should i do to stay more focused? What should i do to make myself believe confident. Is there still scope of IT in todays world? Kindly advise.
Ans: Your story does not show failure.
It shows persistence, effort, and desire to improve.

Most people give up.
You didn’t.
That means you will succeed — but with the right method, not the old one.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |676 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 02, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My married ex still texts me for comfort. Because of him, I am unable to move on. He makes me feel guilty by saying he got married out of family pressure. His dad is a cardiac patient and mom is being treated for cancer. He comforts me by saying he will get separated soon and we will get married because he only loves me. We have been in a relationship for 14 years and despite everything we tried, his parents refused to accept me, so he chose to get married to someone who understands our situation. I don't know when he will separate from his wife. She knows about us too but she comes from a traditional family. She also confirmed there is no physical intimacy between them. I trust him, but is it worth losing my youth for him? Honestly, I am worried and very confused.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I understand how difficult it is to let go of a relationship you have built from scratch, but is it really how you want to continue? It really seems to be going nowhere. His parents are already in bad health and he married someone else for their happiness. Does it seem like he will be able to leave her? So many people’s happiness and lives depend on this one decision. I think it’s about time you and your BF have a clear conversation about the same. If he can’t give a proper timeline, please try to understand his situation. But also make sure he understands yours and maybe rethink this equation. It really isn’t healthy. You deserve a love you can have wholly, and not just in pieces, and in the shadows.

Hope this helps

...Read more

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