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Anu

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 27, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Dec 18, 2023Translate
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Dear Anu, I am a 58 year old businessman and am very well to do. I am married for the last 36 years and have 2 adult children, a 28 year old son and a daughter who is 25 years. I expect my son to take over my business. Since 2010 I have been in an affair with a woman who is 12 years younger to me. I wish to marry her even after 13 years of relationship. I even sought a divorce with my wife who is also a director in my company. Her demands are so high that it will leave me a pauper. I cannot leave this girl in the lurch. She is now 45 and unmarried. Now after 13 years she too has started demanding probably due to growing age and insecurity. We regularly have sex. I have not slept with my wife for over 12 years now. I consulted many lawyers but all said that mine is a hopeless case. to top it all, my other directors have also ganged up against me in support of my wife. My children too are against me so much so that they do not allow me in my own house. My girl friend is getting increasingly demanding and calling and telling me if I do not give her money or marry her she will go to court. She is now saying that since her siblings have dissociated her from their family I should give her INR 10 crores + a 3 BHK flat. I do have 2 mercedes benz, a skodia yeti, a harley davidson, a small farm house in Wai, a bungalow in Alibag in addition to a plush 5 bhk flat in Thane. What should do? Please help.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How does Love turn into Greed?
And you still 'wish' to get married to her after all her demands? It's blackmail for heaven's sake!
At least for now, kindly realign with your family...Your wealth and assets must be protected.
What evidence does your girlfriend have against you to go to court and intimidate you this way?

Please take a firm stance and choose the side that protects your wealth and also your personal identity. You have put yourself at grave risk and for what? You will end up losing your family as well. Your girlfriend being alienated by her siblings has nothing to do with you...so why would you pay her? It doesn't make any sense. Once you yield to blackmail, it will continue...and who knows for how long!

Choose a side wisely and then stick by it firmly...I am sure you know what is to be done...

All the best!

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 14, 2021

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Hi, I am stuck in my marriage relationship for some time now. I had an arranged marriage to a girl we knew in our family. She had lost her father and her mother begged me to marry her and give her a life. I agreed because I knew her. Only recently I realized that she doesn’t love me at all. I earn Rs 30,000 a month and we stay in my father’s 1BHK flat which he has shared in my name. She wants a share of my property and wants to separate me from my family. She is now threatening to divorce me and file a complaint against my parents and me for forcing her into marriage. Her mother is also quiet and doesn’t interfere. My parents are very troubled. They can’t do anything and I am feeling stuck. If I have to divorce her, I will have to pay her money which I can’t afford. Also I cannot stay with her because she doesn’t want to live with us. She only wants my money. How to solve this problem? I don’t understand. Please help.
Ans: Dear AD, Kindly consult a good lawyer who is unbiased about divorce and client rights if divorce is the path that you want to take.

Lawyers on both sides can strike a good agreement and it can be settled through mutual consent.

If you want to settle the matter amicably and continue live under the same roof, I guess it requires everyone to set aside their differences and talk about it; and I only hope for your sake that, that can happen.

Whichever the path, never tread on the path of helplessness. Instead move to a space that empowers you in any which way.

Best wishes as always!

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Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 30, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2023Translate
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Dear Anu, I am married for 24 years having two grown up children. Both are studying. My wife is not working. She had been adamant and spendthrift since the beginning of our marriage. Just to maintain peace I was putting up with her undue demands. Than in last decade my business suffered for quite sometime still I sold some property and managed the household expenses. Than in 2017 the business started picking up and it started doing well. but having learned the lesson I became very firm with wasteful expenses. And by end of 2017 she broke all ties with me, and started sleeping with our daughter in her room. Now since last six years we are hardly talking to each other despite living in the same house . Her parents are also hand in glove with her and disconnected with me. I also came to know lot of factors about her family. Her father claimed to be a businessman before marriage and later I learned he was working in subcontracts division of a company and making money by illegal means from vendors. He was a heavy drinker and had relations with many women. I also came to know that her father had thrown his father out of house and that old man had died in a temple. To make matter worse her parents are having one more daughter which they claim to be given to some family member and now they don't have any relationship with that girl or the couple to whom they have given their daughter to. So prima facie they have a child or children which they have hidden from society. We attended marriages of her uncle's daughters out of Mumbai. His uncle and his family attended my marriage and marriage of my wife's only brother. Now after all marriages are over they have broken up with that uncle too. He is real brother of my father in law. Her aunty expired two years back I offered to call her uncle and offer condolences she said no need now relationship with uncle is over. With all these I am able to come to a conclusion that the family doesn't value relationships and once their purpose is served they discontinue the relationship. Due to constant problems my children have also become very adamant and are not concentrating on studies. Kindly suggest what should I do in the given situation. Can the marriage be annulled on the grounds her family concealed vital information before marriage. I offered her to go for marriage counselling and therapy but she refused. Please suggest some suitable solution.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Too much of a mess, yeah?
Why they hid certain facts and what impact that has had on your marriage is something that you are experiencing. Relationships are built on trust and honesty leads to that trust. You possibly feel being misled multiple times over and it will indeed affect the mind state of your children.
Good that you have woken up to this NOW.
Are you sure that you want to end this marriage? Or is there a possibility of saving it?
If you want to end it through a legal recourse, find an able lawyer who specializes in divorce cases. She/he will advise you on annulment or mutual consent divorce or filing for one. These options come to a better choice when you seek an expert in legal matters.
In the meantime, keep your mind in a place where it is calm. Too much of muddle and constant over processing will make you have bitter thoughts and keep you engaged in stress building situations.
Accept what's happening (difficult, I know)...but doing this will enable you to take the right decision not only for your life but also for your children. Also, I suggest spend a lot of time with the children and teach them not to take sides of any parent.
Whatever you decide is going to impact them and they must be prepared anyway. So, talk to them like they are grown ups and let them grow into it supporting you both rather than be caught in the cross fire.
I am sure if you have had the courage to understand what has been happening to you, you can surely take additional steps to safeguard your mind space and do what's right for the children as well.
All the best!
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Love Guru

Love Guru   |175 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

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Hi, Iam 42 and married for last 12 years with two kids. Due to the scuffles between us my wife left me with kids and have been living away for last 4 years. During this time, a girl of, 15 years younger to me, came in my life and I found a true soul mate in her, may be due to the void which was created because of my wife leaving me. Last year that girl got married to someone else, as she has already planned and conveyed to me right in the beginning of our relationship. In, last one year, my wife is also trying to come close to me, as I have been bearing all their expenses and have been trying to be a good and reasonable father and husband (though I myself is pretty lonely, after my girl's departure) and my wife and kids are now finding me to be a great and responsible man. But me, at the deep down level, is drowning every single day and finding it unbearable to live without my girl. Do not know what to do. That girl is living happily with her husband and planning for the kids. At the same time, she on and off calls me and ask for the monetary favours, which I have been fulfilling even after her marriage. Iam broken and helpless. Kindly help.
Ans: That girl is only in touch with you for the monetary favours. If you have a chance at keeping your family together, please take it. Don’t be taken advantage of by someone who went off and married someone else. She’s young and smart, and knows how to take advantage of you…and you’re letting her. Also, it may benefit you to visit a therapist regularly for some time and talk through your problems in private. Get all this off your chest so you can focus on your own family.
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Mohit

Mohit Arora  |26 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Dec 25, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2023Translate
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Relationship
I am 43 yrs old . I have love marriage post 16 yrs of long battle of ups and down in personal life with my fiancee who's my wife now . In these last 16 years also she had affair with 3-4 Mens before returning to me. One of them was her office colleague who's marries now too. For. Last 2 years it was more of a distance relationship whereas she stays in one town and am in other coz of our job commitments. I had promised her to fulfill financial goals such as change in job better financial stability house car honeymoon in abroad but due to financial limitation and medical emergencies with mother I couldn't manage her expectations. Now she is saying she has given me enough time and asked for. Mutual divorce. She has filed in court also. Unwillingly just to keep her words I signed docs but I didn't want divorce Infact I love her blindly. Meanwhile I came to realize she has stated affair with same Ex colleague of been offoce who's posted t some other place. She is pressuring him to get divorce from existing wife and move on in their life post our divorce. That guy is just using her physically and financially. That guy has bought apartment by borrowing 1 Mn INR from my wife whereas in last 2 years if my medical emergency she has never ever helped with even 10k and always shows me as a bigger for. Money. I know end result would be divorce as she wants the same and now openly she is enjoying her days and weekends with that guy. Have told to her family members but being financially independent she hardly listens to anyone. She is branch manager of govt bank and. I am private job employee. Her age is 33 yrs and her existing boyfriend age is also same. Working in same organisation. I am helpless what to do knowing the fact she has been giving herself to her boyfriend. In marriage relationship she has betrayed me again. She is asking for divorce to look after her rest of life in better way. I don't know what to do I loved her blindly n still do.
Ans: She has not betrayed you. Your relationship with her appears to be transactional. You don't love her. You are just needy because you don't have any other options. My advice is to give her divorce and move on. If you need help with that, you can reach out to me.

She doesn't owe you anything. Take your own responsibility as a man and get a better woman who loves you
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Asked by Anonymous - Feb 23, 2024Translate
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What are balanced advantage funds and would you recommend how I should go about investing in such funds?
Ans: Balanced Advantage Funds are a type of mutual fund that dynamically manages the allocation between equity and debt instruments based on market conditions. These funds aim to provide investors with a balance between growth (through equity exposure) and stability (through debt exposure). The allocation between equity and debt is adjusted by fund managers based on various factors such as market valuations, interest rates, and economic indicators.

Here's a breakdown of the key features and considerations for investing in Balanced Advantage Funds:

1. Dynamic Asset Allocation: These funds have the flexibility to shift allocation between equity and debt depending on market conditions. When equity markets are expensive or overvalued, the fund manager may reduce equity exposure and increase allocation to debt instruments, and vice versa.

2. Risk Management: Balanced Advantage Funds tend to offer lower volatility compared to pure equity funds due to their ability to switch between asset classes based on market conditions. This can potentially reduce downside risk during market downturns.

3. Goal-based Investing: They can be suitable for investors with medium to long-term investment horizons who seek a balance between capital appreciation and capital preservation. These funds are often used for goals like retirement planning or wealth creation with a moderate risk profile.

4. Professional Management: Investors benefit from the expertise of professional fund managers who actively manage the asset allocation and investment decisions based on thorough research and analysis.

5. Tax Implications: From a taxation perspective, gains from equity investments held for more than one year are taxed at a lower rate (long-term capital gains tax), whereas gains from debt investments held for more than three years are taxed as per the investor's income tax slab. Balanced Advantage Funds may offer tax efficiency due to their equity exposure.

6. Expense Ratio: Investors should consider the expense ratio of the fund, which represents the annual fees charged by the fund house for managing the fund. Lower expense ratios can enhance returns over the long term.

As for whether you should invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, it depends on your investment objectives, risk tolerance, and financial goals.

If you're seeking a balanced approach with the potential for higher returns than pure debt funds but with lower volatility compared to pure equity funds, then these funds could be suitable for you. However, it's essential to consult with a financial advisor who can assess your individual circumstances and recommend the most appropriate investment strategy.

If you decide to invest in Balanced Advantage Funds, you can do so through various platforms such as mutual fund distributors, online investment platforms, or directly through the fund house's website. Here's a general guide on how to invest:

1. Research: Understand the different Balanced Advantage Funds available in the market, their investment objectives, performance track record, and expense ratios.

2. Select a Fund: Choose a fund that aligns with your investment goals, risk tolerance, and time horizon.

3. KYC Compliance: Complete the Know Your Customer (KYC) process as required by regulatory guidelines. This typically involves providing identity and address proof documents.

4. Investment Process: Decide on the mode of investment, whether lump sum or systematic investment plan (SIP), based on your convenience and investment strategy.

5. Online Platform or Distributor: If investing through an online platform, create an account and follow the instructions to invest in your chosen Balanced Advantage Fund. If using a mutual fund distributor, approach them with your investment decision, and they will assist you with the investment process.

6. Monitor and Review: Keep track of your investments periodically and review your portfolio to ensure it remains aligned with your financial goals.

Remember that all investments carry some level of risk, including the potential loss of capital. Diversification and a long-term investment approach are generally recommended to mitigate risk and achieve your financial objectives.
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Anu

Anu Krishna  |725 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 21, 2024Translate
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Good Morning, We are married for almost 27 years and at various stages of my wife like, beginning days when Girls had dream of her happy married life beginning, honeymoon, pregnancy, fostering the child, mid-age crisis and now Menopause I have been very unfair & sometime very cruel to my wife. I am tryint to please her in my possible ways but whenever I am planning something exciting & pleasurable for her it turn out to be flop show & nightmare. I want her to be happy but don't know why it gets spoiled due to one or other reason. Despite of all this she is always giving me chance and prepare herself for new beginning. But now I fear & feel gradually I will become a big liability on her, health wise as I am diabetic and even after taking high dose of medicines it doesn't get controlled. I am worried that though the beginning was not good our end should be Peaceful & graceful. Need your guidance
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No point revisiting what has already happened. It seems like your wife wants a new beginning; then why not actually plan on how you want your life together to be from now on? What are the things that you have missed out on earlier, bring it all back and slowly start experiencing what life could be living in that harmony...
As for diabetes, getting the right medicine and taking it in the right dosage is important to see a change. Also, exercise, attempt to keep stress levels low and eat right...these help in keeping your blood sugar levels low...
Don't talk about the END when there is a NEW beginning in sight...

All the best!
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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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