Hi Anu, I am 50 years old , my wife doesn’t support me for sex. Previously she used to but now she does hardly once in a month

Ans: Dear HS, Isn’t it time that you actually asked your wife what she wants rather than just focusing on what you want?

Since you haven’t mentioned her age, I may not be able to relate a particular phase of a woman’s life and sex in relation to that age. But broadly, I can say that for a woman to be in a mood to have sex/make love only when she is emotionally well and fit.

Maybe there is an underlying stress condition that must be looked into as this might make her lose interest in sex.

Also, certain hormonal changes with age can make women less responsive in bed. And sometimes a few medical conditions may also cause this challenge.

Whatever, it maybe, she is your partner and spouse. I would suggest that you first get down to a peaceful communication where the intent is not to drive your agenda of sex but instead being there for her and understanding her as well.

This will create a space of trust where she will be able to share her feelings and what she is going through.

Do get a basic blood work done where a few medical conditions can be ruled out as well.

And if it still persists, then it’s perhaps time to seek a professional out who can help put things into perspective by going deeper into what exactly is going on.

A strong emotional distress maybe the cause for this too.

Whatever it maybe, be with her through this entire journey. She will need a friend to fall back on for sure.

Happy bonding and all the best!

Ans:

There's no rule about couples having sex twice a week, Vaibhav. That said, you should be in sync when it comes to your sex life, whether it's once a month or once a day.

What is her reaction when you do have sex with her? Is it grudging permission? To get it over with, so you'll leave her alone?

You haven't given me enough information to go by here, but I will tell you this -- it's certainly unnatural for a wife to get so upset that she shouts at her husband when he makes a move!

You need to speak to her and get to the root of why she doesn't enjoy sex anymore and move toward remedying the situation.

A marriage counsellor may help, maybe have it be a lady so that she's more comfortable discussing this particular situation, it being of such an intimate nature.

Ans: Dear Ritesh,
Your question is quite similar to many others' and my responses have been keeping in mind the age of the woman here.
Many women either have menopaused at this age or are in the process...The sexual urge drops drastically for women as there is depletion of a very vital hormone; estrogen. You can find more information on this in books and on the internet.
When there is almost no or nil sexual interest as the body does not want to indulge in the act, how do you get her to like it?
But all is not lost; what I suggest is for you to clearly communicate your needs without expecting things to heat up in the bedroom. Instead, indulge in a lot non-sexual intimacy acts like cuddling, kissing and more...If she is worried about how menopause has impacted her sex life, suggest to her that she can visit a doctor who will then suggest on how to combat all of this.
But also expect her to say a firm NO to all of this. In that case, please be patient, loving and supportive. Things usually turn around with the understanding that you display genuinely and she may very well want to try adapting to the new phase of life with sexual intimacy in it as well...
be patient, educate yourself on menopause and spice things up outside of the bedroom with little focus on sex. It may work!

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anilkumar,
Clearly there is a mismatch in what you want and what she wants. So, taking her for medical treatment means that you might also need it...
Instead of this blame game, why don't you try and find out the reason for this lack of interest. Maybe it is tiredness of the day and also if you demand everyday, she might come up with some excuse or the other. Sex is not a mechanical activity; it requires a lot of emotional connection between two people which means you and your wife have to connect better emotionally for sex to happen. New thing for you maybe...but rather than blame her for disturbing daily life, try and be more kind to understand what is exactly bothering her. LISTEN and not DEMAND...
Simply listening and helping her through it might help her become warm towards you and things may improve...

All the best!