Dear Anu,I am 41 years old doing my own business since 14 years.

I live with my parents and i am married. Blessed with two children. I am the sole bread winner. They all luv me very much.

These days (year 2020) I feel stressed and lonely, bcos of financial problem in running my house and fulfilling my EMI and other loan commitments.

My family knows my financial adjustments and commitments. I feel myself like a machine working non-stop to keep my family happy and fullfil their desires.

I don’t feel happy going home after my work for the day. I feel like I don’t understand them or they don't understand me.

I know they luv me so much and me too. I feel let down but actually they support me in all the way they can. What should I do?

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Time for you to do things for yourself! It may seem selfish at the beginning but taking care of yourself and your needs is self-care above everything else...
For once put your needs before everyone else's and resist any sort of manipulation from family. Serving themselves was their agenda at your expense; why still allow it?
Firmly refuse moving in with them as it won't take them long before they kick you out when things are not in their favour. You have the ability to be by yourself and support yourself...maintaining a healthy distance in fact helps relationships grow stronger. So, time for you to be kind to yourself...

All the best!

Ans: It would really be good to answer you but I am confused as what to tell you because you have not mentioned any of your financial goals as such, I may not be of any help to you for your social obligations

Ans: Dear friend,

Firstly, let me commend you for your selflessness and dedication to supporting your family members. Your sacrifices and contributions have undoubtedly made a significant difference in their lives, and you should take pride in that.

Now, let's address your concerns about your own future and the well-being of your children. It's understandable that you may feel anxious about not having saved enough for their education and future needs. However, it's essential to recognize that it's never too late to start planning and taking steps towards securing their future.

Here are some steps you can consider to put things into perspective and chart a clear way forward:

Assess Your Financial Situation: Begin by conducting a thorough assessment of your current financial status. Take stock of your assets, liabilities, income, and expenses. Understanding where you stand financially will help you make informed decisions about your next steps.

Prioritize Your Goals: Identify your most pressing financial goals, such as funding your children's education, securing your retirement, and starting your own business. Prioritize these goals based on their urgency and importance.

Create a Financial Plan: Develop a comprehensive financial plan that outlines how you intend to achieve your goals. Consider factors such as budgeting, saving, investing, and risk management. A financial plan will serve as a roadmap to guide your actions and ensure you stay on track towards your objectives.

Start Saving and Investing: Begin setting aside a portion of your income towards your children's education fund and your retirement savings. Explore investment options that align with your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Consider consulting with a financial advisor to help you develop an investment strategy tailored to your needs.

Explore Entrepreneurship: If you feel inclined to start your own business, carefully evaluate the feasibility and potential risks involved. Conduct thorough market research, develop a solid business plan, and consider seeking mentorship or guidance from experienced entrepreneurs. Starting a business can be rewarding but requires careful planning and preparation.

Take Care of Yourself: Remember to prioritize your health and well-being amidst your responsibilities and aspirations. Take time to rest, recharge, and engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Your physical and mental well-being are essential for your ability to pursue your goals effectively.

Communicate with Your Family: Keep an open line of communication with your spouse and children about your aspirations, concerns, and plans for the future. Involve them in the decision-making process and ensure they understand the reasons behind your choices. Family support can be invaluable as you navigate life's challenges and opportunities.

In conclusion, while it's natural to feel overwhelmed by the uncertainties of the future, taking proactive steps towards financial planning and pursuing your aspirations can help alleviate some of that anxiety. Trust in your abilities, seek guidance when needed, and stay focused on your goals. Remember that each step you take today brings you closer to a brighter tomorrow.

Best wishes on your journey ahead.

Ans: Your children, however, seem to be struggling with their own grief and fears about change, and that’s creating tension between their needs and your desire for a second marriage. It sounds like they are clinging to the memory of their mother, which may be why they are so resistant to the idea of you remarrying. While their emotions are understandable, it’s unfair for them to dismiss your own needs or expect you to ignore your feelings for the sake of their expectations.

To handle this situation, it's important to begin by opening up an honest and compassionate dialogue with your children. They may not realize the extent of your loneliness or how much you're shouldering on your own. In this conversation, avoid focusing on remarrying immediately but instead express how you're feeling emotionally. Let them know that just as you’re doing your best to provide for them, you also need support and companionship. This might help them understand that your desire for a partner doesn’t mean you're replacing their mother, but that you need someone to help you heal and navigate life.

Grief counseling or family therapy could be very helpful here as well. Grief affects everyone differently, and a neutral professional can help you all work through these emotions together. Your son and daughter, especially being at different stages of their lives, might benefit from understanding how each of you is processing the loss differently.

As for the practical side, with your mother's help, you're already doing everything you can to keep things together. It's understandable that you need help beyond the daily chores—emotional and relational support is vital for anyone. Your children, though they are resisting now, may come to understand this over time, especially if the focus is on helping them adjust to their own loss first before you push the idea of marriage too far.

Lastly, do not give up on the thought of a second marriage if that’s what your heart truly wants. Your children may eventually understand, but it will take time and patience. Prioritize your emotional well-being and don’t feel guilty for wanting to find love and companionship again. After all, your happiness matters too, and a loving relationship can positively impact both you and your children once they’ve had time to adjust.

In the meantime, take one step at a time: focus on communication, seek external support like therapy, and make sure you're caring for yourself emotionally, even if it's hard right now.