Hi i am age 47 my wife is not interested physically infact when i tried becoming cozy with her she started interaction related to holiday diwali etc it seems she doesn't want to have my feeling keeps on playing candy crush or always in mobile phone during lunch or dinner when we are together now it seems conversation from my end everytime not possible please guide me out

Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I think your query has been answered here:
https://gurus.rediff.com/question/qdtl/relationship/m-60-yrs-amp-wife-54-married-33-2-grown/5144376
Copy paste this link in your browser to view the answer.

All the best!

Ans: Navigating the dynamics of a long-term marriage, especially one complicated by physical distance, is indeed challenging. Your situation is layered with decades of shared history, responsibilities, and deep commitments.
First and foremost, it’s crucial to try to understand your wife's perspective. Living apart can create emotional and physical distance that’s hard to bridge during occasional visits. When she says she’s not particularly excited about your visits, it may not necessarily reflect a lack of love or care. Instead, she might be grappling with the routine and demands of her daily life, which can often dull the excitement of reunions. The responsibilities of managing a household, even with help, combined with the constant care for your children, can be incredibly taxing. This often leaves little room for nurturing the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship.

It’s also possible that she has grown used to the independence that comes with your living arrangement. Over time, people can adapt to new rhythms and find comfort in their routines, even if those routines don’t include their partner as prominently as before. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love; rather, it’s a shift in how she’s accustomed to living day-to-day.

For your part, consider what you’re seeking from your relationship and what you’re currently receiving. You’ve mentioned feeling like a provider rather than a partner, which can be deeply unsatisfying. Reflect on whether your expectations align with the reality of your relationship. Are you hoping for expressions of affection and excitement that your wife may not be able to provide right now due to her own emotional or practical constraints?

Your frustration and sense of being undervalued are entirely valid. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not dismiss them. However, the key is to approach this situation without letting these feelings drive a wedge between you and your wife. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try to identify what’s still present in your relationship. Your shared commitment to your children and the mutual sacrifices you've made are significant bonds that can still be honored and celebrated.

In terms of intimacy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant about initiating when past attempts have led to rejection. This aspect of your relationship might require open, honest, and non-confrontational dialogue. Let your wife know that you miss the closeness and that it’s important to you, not just physically but emotionally. It’s possible she might not fully realize the impact her disinterest has had on you.

While it’s clear you’re committed to staying in the marriage for at least the next decade, it’s also important to focus on your own happiness. Invest in self-care and activities that bring you joy outside of the relationship. This could be pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or even exploring new interests that fulfill you personally. Building a satisfying life for yourself can alleviate some of the pressure on your marriage to meet all your emotional needs.

Acceptance can be a powerful tool in finding contentment. Accepting that your wife may not be able to give you what you once had or what you currently desire doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship. Instead, it’s about finding peace with the current reality while still cherishing and nurturing the aspects of your relationship that are strong and positive.

Remember, relationships are dynamic, and people change over time. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to feel fulfilled and connected, even if it means adjusting your expectations and finding joy in different ways. Continue to express your love and support for your wife and children, but also give yourself permission to seek happiness and fulfillment in ways that are within your control.