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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 14, 2024
Relationship

Hi i am age 47 my wife is not interested physically infact when i tried becoming cozy with her she started interaction related to holiday diwali etc it seems she doesn't want to have my feeling keeps on playing candy crush or always in mobile phone during lunch or dinner when we are together now it seems conversation from my end everytime not possible please guide me out

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It could be one of these:
1. Hormonal changes related to age OR certain medications that she maybe taking
2. A disconnect between the two of you OR lack of emotional connection
3. Boredom in the bedroom OR lack of something new in sexual intimacy

The best way to work through challenges relating to sex and sexual intimacy is for both partners to sit down and be honest with each other and talk it out. It's possible to sort out issues once you know what could be causing them, right?

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 02, 2023

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Hello Kanchan I'm 43 & my wife is 39. We have known each other for almost 25 yrs now (8 yrs before marriage and 17yrs of married life). We had our ups and downs in our relationship. But somehow we stayed together. We have a daughter who is 8. I've been working abroad for 4yrs and I used to come only once in a year to see my family. Now I'm back and doing a full time job. My wife works from home as a freelancer. I've observed that, after I returned, my wife has lost interest in me. She's also not interested at all in physical relationship. It is really very irritating as I am a romantic person. She simply says she doesn't feel like having intercourse. She does love me but what's the solution? How do I satisfy my feelings? She agrees to have intercourse so that I don't feel bad. But it is not satisfying! How do I tackle this situation?
Ans: Hello Keshav

It sounds like you're going through a tough time in your relationship. It's important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding towards your wife's perspective. It could be that she's going through her own challenges that are affecting her desire for physical intimacy. It could also be that the dynamic of your relationship has shifted with your return, and you both need to find a new balance.

The first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings and concerns. Listen to her perspective and try to understand what might be causing her lack of interest in physical intimacy. It's important to approach this conversation without judgment or blame.

If there are underlying issues that need to be addressed, it might be helpful to seek the support of a couples therapist or counselor. They can help you both work through any challenges and find ways to improve your intimacy and connection.

In the meantime, it's important to focus on building emotional intimacy in your relationship. This can be done through spending quality time together, having meaningful conversations, and expressing appreciation and gratitude for each other. This may help to improve your physical intimacy over time.

Remember, every relationship has its ups and downs, but with effort and communication, you can work through challenges and strengthen your connection with your partner.

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
Relationship
i am 50 and my wife is 43. We are living two different countries to help our children to pursue their interests. We are pretty good in financially and i go to my home (where my wife and younger son live) at least 2 to 3 times a year and spend 2 to 3 weeks per trip. We married for the last 22 years and we both of us seen ups and lows of our relationship. Most of the time, we are happy and we did the right things not only for us but also for our children and both are willing to take sacrifices for the sake of children and we wholeheartedly agree on this. However, i see few concerns especially after living separately. 1. really don't see my wife shows much interest about me. She also mentioned that if i come to my home where she lives, she doesn't feel really excited and just normal for her. However, i will be happy to see her and spend time with her. Inspite I come to our home, she really didn't care much about my interests like what food makes me happy. In-fact, she doesn't need to cook and we have cook who does most of the stuff. 2. In-terms of intimacy, she doesn't show much interest and i stopped asking her unless if she initiates and I didn't want to initiate as I start getting rejection from her for the last few years. Overall, if I ask to fulfill my interest (showing love and affection), she says that she cannot do as she is too busy. However, she does other works like taking care of children, spending time with her friends or her own interests she does take care. however, any thing specific to me, she thinks it is not a high priority. I askied clearly to her that why my needs of lower prioirty. Her answer is very vague and she does say that she loves me and she needs me. I am getting a picture that I am there to take care of them financially like building assets, taking care of the children and wife but I am not getting any return from her, I vent my frustration to my wife and asker her to open up and share any concerns. She really don't share any point that could really help me to understand her mind. At this point, I am kind of confused. I am just 50 and she is 43 and i see that there is really not much love. i was thinking when i turn 60 , it would be far worse than today in terms of love and affection. I really don't want to divorce at least for the next 10 years as my kids are growing and i really don't have a compelling reason to do now as I still love my wife and if she is feel bad on any reason , I don't care of these problems and i still be with her to address any problem she has. I support even today for her wants and desires and I do wholeheartedly. Also, She is not a person who cheats me My concern is that I cannot change her much. I would like your advice on How should I change so that i still live happily (regardless of whether i get love from my wife or not) without getting frustations on relathinship issues. Should I accept that this what I would expet from wife and be content.
Ans: Navigating the dynamics of a long-term marriage, especially one complicated by physical distance, is indeed challenging. Your situation is layered with decades of shared history, responsibilities, and deep commitments.
First and foremost, it’s crucial to try to understand your wife's perspective. Living apart can create emotional and physical distance that’s hard to bridge during occasional visits. When she says she’s not particularly excited about your visits, it may not necessarily reflect a lack of love or care. Instead, she might be grappling with the routine and demands of her daily life, which can often dull the excitement of reunions. The responsibilities of managing a household, even with help, combined with the constant care for your children, can be incredibly taxing. This often leaves little room for nurturing the romantic and intimate aspects of a relationship.

It’s also possible that she has grown used to the independence that comes with your living arrangement. Over time, people can adapt to new rhythms and find comfort in their routines, even if those routines don’t include their partner as prominently as before. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love; rather, it’s a shift in how she’s accustomed to living day-to-day.

For your part, consider what you’re seeking from your relationship and what you’re currently receiving. You’ve mentioned feeling like a provider rather than a partner, which can be deeply unsatisfying. Reflect on whether your expectations align with the reality of your relationship. Are you hoping for expressions of affection and excitement that your wife may not be able to provide right now due to her own emotional or practical constraints?

Your frustration and sense of being undervalued are entirely valid. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and not dismiss them. However, the key is to approach this situation without letting these feelings drive a wedge between you and your wife. Instead of focusing on what’s missing, try to identify what’s still present in your relationship. Your shared commitment to your children and the mutual sacrifices you've made are significant bonds that can still be honored and celebrated.

In terms of intimacy, it’s understandable to feel hesitant about initiating when past attempts have led to rejection. This aspect of your relationship might require open, honest, and non-confrontational dialogue. Let your wife know that you miss the closeness and that it’s important to you, not just physically but emotionally. It’s possible she might not fully realize the impact her disinterest has had on you.

While it’s clear you’re committed to staying in the marriage for at least the next decade, it’s also important to focus on your own happiness. Invest in self-care and activities that bring you joy outside of the relationship. This could be pursuing hobbies, spending time with friends, or even exploring new interests that fulfill you personally. Building a satisfying life for yourself can alleviate some of the pressure on your marriage to meet all your emotional needs.

Acceptance can be a powerful tool in finding contentment. Accepting that your wife may not be able to give you what you once had or what you currently desire doesn’t mean giving up on the relationship. Instead, it’s about finding peace with the current reality while still cherishing and nurturing the aspects of your relationship that are strong and positive.

Remember, relationships are dynamic, and people change over time. What’s crucial is finding a balance that allows you to feel fulfilled and connected, even if it means adjusting your expectations and finding joy in different ways. Continue to express your love and support for your wife and children, but also give yourself permission to seek happiness and fulfillment in ways that are within your control.

..Read more

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