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Confused engineer wondering why girlfriend won't introduce him to parents

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |300 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 12, 2024

Ravi Mittal is an expert on dating and relationships.
He founded QuackQuack, an online dating platform, in 2010 with just two people. Today, it has over 20 million users in India.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi, actually I am little confused there are 100's of thoughts coming in my mind about my situation right now, so what happened is my girlfriend's sister is going to get married and I assumed that she would invite me as a friend of her because her sister knows me, but my girlfriend said that are you mad or what I won't introduce you to my parents unless you get a job she says I would not introduce you as a friend but as a boyfriend, I know it seems right but its not like I am not able to find job I am already an engineer it's just I am preparing for the civil service exam so I didn't opted for the Job. So does that mean she is not confident about me being her future partner or its just parents fear or maybe something else

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

First, let's focus on the positive. Your partner does not want to introduce you as a mere friend. She wants to show you off as her boyfriend. That's good news. Next, the fact that she only wants to introduce you after you get a job does not necessarily mean she isn't confident about you. It can easily mean that she wants to make the perfect first impression with her parents. It is quite possible that her parents will react negatively when they hear you don't have a job and she is doing this in the best interest of your relationship.

The best thing is to directly ask her. Do not assume the worst.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am in a relationship with a girl from my office for nearly 1.5 years now. We both speak Marathi only sub caste is different.At start of our relationship we discussed about it as she tells me her parents will not support her, so I convinced her that I will support her in every way possible to convince her parent and will stand with her though every situation. I am 31 years old and she is 27. Her parents told her that she has 2 years for marriage so she is currently focusing on career right now.My parents are forcing me for marriage. As her family has issues with my subcaste and she is not willing to disclose our relationship for another 2 years. So I told her that I will wait for 1 year then we can disclose our relationship to both families mines and her, if your family agrees we can wait for one more year so that she can focus on career and she can get 2 years as per her parents. Moreover I will always support her in career and family issues. But still she is not ready she told me that she will not tell her family about our relationship until 2 years are complete. Can you please suggest me any solution for this?
Ans:

Dear TG,

At this point, what is missing for you possibly is if after the wait, if she will still be there in the relationship?

If she isn’t willing to complicate her family life at this point in time, I guess she has valid reasons for that which must be respected.

But what If the two of you sit down where you can put down your feelings and find an amicable way of easing this.

I am sure there are a lot of ifs and buts that is making you feel the way that you are. It is only imperative that you called out to her and be firm and assertive as to how this might be playing in your mind.

For all you know, once she hears your side of the story and she shares hers, solutions emerge from that especially when the commitment is strong.

So, have that one meaningful conversation where feelings, fears and insecurities are shared and watch how the two of you will come up with something wonderful as a solution.

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 28, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 18, 2023Hindi
Relationship
Hello Anu, I hope you are doing well. I am going through a very strange problem in my life. Anu, I am 39 years old male and unmarried. I lost my father in Jan 2021 and currently live with my mother. Since I was always skeptical about marriage, I never married till this age and this got my parents worried. However, after my dad passed away and upon a constant pressure from my mother as well, I realized I should give up my stubbornness and should get married and settle down in life. I am a proud straight guy but surprisingly I never had the courage to talk to girl and make a girlfriend as well. Infact, I never ever had a physical relation as well with any female so far in my life. Because of these things, I refrained from getting married. In April 2022, a girl from jeevansathi (Miss J) approached me and we had a family meeting. In those days, I was in discussion with one more girl(Miss H). But this girl from jeevansathi really caught my eye. When I had a discussion with my mother as to which one to finally go for, Miss J or Miss H, she insisted on Miss H as she was working and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss H, who I met earlier was more career-oriented, practical towards life and wanted to work after marriage as well. Miss J, on the other hand was pursuing a course in astrology, was more conservative, and was in fact physically also more appealing than Miss H. Miss J only had 2 conditions, she wanted no pressure in terms of asking her to work after marriage and wanted to have a low-budget marriage in a temple. I agreed to these. My Mom said that since Miss H is working and will bring in money, you should keep her as your first preference. We met Miss H in March 2022. However, we were yet to hear from them in terms of proceeding further with the matrimony. This is where it all went wrong. Miss J's parents approached us very soon after the family meeting and wanted to come to our home. But since we had Miss H as our first preference, we made an excuse that we need some time to think and decide. But believe me Anu, I gradually developed a special liking for Miss J as our tastes and habits matched quite a lot and her physical appearance also appealed to me. Since we were not hearing from Miss H, my mother called her family and asked when they would like to visit us, but they told that Miss H thinks that your boy needs a homemaker which will not suite her. We then discussed to finally approach Miss J, inspite of her asking for becoming a homemaker, as I got interested in her. On 24 April 2022, my mother called Miss J and asked her family to visit our home. She told that she would convey this message to her mother. But till evening, we did not received any call back. We tried back her number but it was not connecting. I suspected she blocked us. Curiously, I also checked her jeevansathi ID, and shockingly, she blocked my ID as well. Since I was deeply interested in marrying her, I went to meet her brother in his office but I didn't told him that his sister has blocked my Jeevansathi ID and phone number. He talked very humbly to me and told him that I agree to all the conditions and would like to go ahead. He said that he will discuss the same when he will go home today. In evening, I got the message that they will connect with us after June 2022 once her exams get over. It sounded strange to me as a family meeting can still happen as exams are still good 2 months away. But I acknowledged his response positively, wished Miss J all the best in preparation and started waiting patiently for the 2 months to get over. These developments happened on 27th april 2022. 28th april 2022 passed nicely. Now, the bomb explodes. On 29th April 2022, Miss J called my mom and started talking very furiously and rudely, complaining about my visit to his brother despite of her blocking us and also told my mom that we are liars and we are actually looking for a working girl. The whole episode came to a very bitter and abrupt end and I was really shocked with her behavior. I then tried contacting her brother too but he didn't replied. But I did send a whatsapp message making him aware about his sister's unruly behaviour towards my mom. But no response was received. But Anu, It's been 9 months and I can't really forget her. I checked her jeevansathi account but it is now coming as deleted from the site, which most probably means that she must have got married by now. Anu, you will not believe, I surrendered myself completely to her both mentally and physically (it is hard for a male to surrender physically to one women Anu) and vowed that she will be the first and the last women of my life. I believe I loved her soul more than her body and she could have been the perfect life partner for me. This was the first time Anu, you will not believe, I developed a very positive attitude towards the institution of marriage and wanted to really give everything into the relationship for a prosperous life ahead. Anu, I feel pretty depressed with this foolish act of mine and my mother of not inviting her parents else the story could have been very different. I am just finding it hard to live with this lifelong regret of not marrying her. Also, since I am 39 now, I am hardly getting any offers for marriage and whatever girls I have met after Miss J, are genuinely no where near her. My mom loves me a lot and can't see me in this situation. Although I am trying hard to live with this regret, somewhere I still feel very much attached with Miss J. Anu, sometimes, I cry silently and pray to Krishna and Radhey maa to help me live atleast till my mother is alive. Anu, this regret is gradually deteriorating me and I am now deciding to remain single through out my life. I feel even if I marry someone, It will be my body which will marry but my soul will not. That's why I don't want to destroy someone's else life as I have no right to do so. Awaiting your valuable thoughts. Hare Krishna !!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Let's split the issue at hand here distinctively into two areas.
1. Confusion as to what you want in a partner in marriage
2. Misplaced emotions stemming from a decision not made by you

First, make sure you know what you are looking for in a partner. Your post/email suggests to me that you haven't been able to figure out Miss J and Miss H, working or not-working...Both the ladies has mentioned this to you separately which means they have spotted the confusion as well.

This is bound to push a woman away as she would want her life partner to be sure of what he wants in a marriage. Being on a marriage portal, make sure your profile reflects what you want and that is indeed what you want. You cannot go back and confuse yourself and the person who shows interest in you.
So, first take time off to go back to the drawing board and list down what you want in your life partner.
Next, in arranged marriages, the families involvement is going to be heavier right from the first go. So make sure that the core value systems of both families are similar before choosing to proceed with an alliance. Social media matches are not the truth; there is no fairy tale stories of 'happily ever after'. So clarity first and if you need to rework the profile on the matrimonial site, then please do so.

Now, how on earth did you place so much on time and emotion on a woman that you possibly met once? Did she promise to marry you? Isn't it your own doing of actually letting your heart loose and having feelings for someone who under no circumstances made any commitment to you? So, now letting yourself believe that it's not possible to find anyone else, is something that you are fooling yourself with. Pick yourself up NOW. There's a world out there and am sure there's someone out there for you as well.

Pursue this time with clarity and with that you will understand when the matters of the heart can come to knock. So, you are not destroying anyone else's life but you are certainly destroying your peace of mind over this. Time to dust it off...

All the best!

..Read more

Mohit

Mohit Arora  |67 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

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My name is Umesh and my age is 28 and loving girl age is 18 since two years ago. Before started the relationship i spoken to her mother she agree for marriage. Now I am asking for engagement because two years happened and her mother discussed with her brother. But brother is not agree. Girls is saying you should wait after some time he will agree. Note girls father is ded. As I mentioned my age 28 family is forcing me for marriage but girls family not agree. Girls is agree but she wants to wait again for next two years without any confirmation. What should I do. Should I wait her or can I move forward
Ans: There are a few things to consider in this situation.

First, it is important to remember that you are both adults. You are free to make your own decisions about your relationship. However, it is also important to be respectful of your families' wishes.

Second, it is important to be realistic about your expectations. It is possible that the girl's brother will never agree to your marriage. If you are not willing to wait indefinitely, then you may need to move on.

Third, it is important to communicate with your girlfriend. She needs to understand your feelings and your concerns. If she is not willing to compromise, then you may need to reconsider your relationship.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to wait for your girlfriend is up to you. However, I would encourage you to consider the following points:

Why are you in a hurry to get married?
There is no need to rush into marriage. You are both still young and have plenty of time to find the right person for you.

Are you sure that your girlfriend is the right person for you?
You have only been dating for two years. It is important to make sure that you are both compatible and that you have similar goals for the future.

Are you willing to wait indefinitely for your girlfriend's brother to agree to your marriage?If you are not willing to wait, then you may need to move on.

If you do decide to wait for your girlfriend, I would recommend that you set a deadline. This will give you something to work towards and will help you to stay motivated. It is also important to communicate your deadline to your girlfriend so that she knows what to expect.

There are many other girls out there. If you are not willing to wait for your girlfriend, then you can easily find someone else. However, it is important to remember that finding the right person takes time. Don't rush into anything. Take your time and find someone who is right for you.

Mohit Arora S
Founder - Real Dating School

www.realdatingschool.com/1-1_call

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |161 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 17, 2024Hindi
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Dear Sir, I have another question: I have been investing in the Bajaj Allianz Life Goal Assurance Plan for the past five years, which is a combination of insurance and investment. The total premium payment duration is 10 years, with a SIP of ?10,000 per month, followed by a lock-in period of an additional 5 years So far, my monthly contributions of ?10,000 have grown to ?9.40 lakhs, with an approximate CAGR of 16%, although the insurance coverage remains at ?12 lakhs. Initially, I did not have much knowledge but continued investing due to the plan’s market-linked structure. For the first five years, my funds were allocated to Pure Stock II and Equity Growth funds basically large-cap. Recently, mid-cap and small-cap index funds were also added to their portfolio. Now that I’ve completed 5 years of investing in large-cap components, I am considering allocating the remaining 5 years to mid-cap and small-cap funds, without increasing the SIP. This would be done through a fund switch from large-cap to mid-cap and small-cap or by dividing the allocation equally—25% each across pure-stock, equity growth, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Would you recommend this strategy while allowing the large-cap corpurs from the first 5 years to grow at their own pace and remaining 5 years switched into mid-cap/small-cap. Since the policy will mature in 2034, this gives me ample time for the investment to grow, allowing the corpus to build significantly over the remaining years
Ans: Since you are looking for 10 year time horizon, I recommend you divide the allocation equally(25%) across pure stock, equity growth, midcap index and small cap quality index funds.

Happy Investing!!

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |892 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Career
I am bsc cbz(chemistry botany zoology) 2nd semester student in bikaner rajasthan and my age is 22 and general category and want to pursue research msc than phd but confused about the scope in india in research field i am from middle class family . I dont want to become a school/ coaching teacher but can look for assistant professor and i am not interested in doing msc in chemistry or physics want to do in biotechnology microbiology etc. please help me ????????
Ans: Hello APRK.
You can pursue an M.Sc. and aim to go for P.Hd. There is a lot of scope for research field in India. To become an assistant professor, you must have a minimum qualification of M.Sc. If you are not interested in M.Sc. Chemistry / Physics, then you can go with Biotechnology Microbiology. This is also a good option for you.
In my opinion, there is no point in diversifying yourself without any reason. The correct path is B.Sc. then M.Sc. and then P.Hd. Join as an assistant professor in any college and even though you don't want to join any school/college, you can join any big coaching center or start your coaching. Without any confusion at this stage, just focus on your B.Sc. and try to excel In it with a high %tile for a better future in PG and P.Hd. While pursuing a B.Sc., if possible join some computer courses related to AI, Website development, Mastering Excel, Business Automation, etc. to have an added advantage from a job placement point of view.

If you are dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
If satisfied, please like and follow me.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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