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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |405 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 15, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Feb 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi. I am a 52 year old male, my wife is 53 and we have two grown up kids and a pet. I was in a job till 2018 and thereafter switched to my own practice and there were some financial compromises which had to be made including home shifting etc. My wife befriended certain females who I suspect led her towards a lot of spiritual gyaan though those females were more into their personal material life. My wife became so involved with them and their topics that even when we were intimate she would pause and talk about them. That gave me a kick away from physical relations with her. She currently is more into a lot of spirituality and drawn to such friends and some widowed family members who only take her towards that path. I want to lead a normal intimate life with her as I love her and do not want to hurt her. I took her to a Gynae too for check ups and she only has the normal issues which a woman of her age would have. Children and spirituality have become her priority and pet has become mine's. How do we get back as a normal couple?

Ans: It sounds like you're going through a challenging time in your relationship, and it's understandable that you're feeling disconnected and frustrated. Reconnecting with your wife and rebuilding intimacy can take time and effort, but it's definitely possible.Sit down with your wife and express your feelings openly and honestly. Let her know how her focus on spirituality and her friendships have affected you and your relationship. Avoid blaming or accusing her, but rather focus on expressing your own feelings and concerns. It's important to understand where your wife is coming from and why she's prioritizing spirituality and her friendships. Listen to her without judgment and try to empathize with her perspective. Understanding each other's motivations can help you find common ground. Explore activities or interests that you both enjoy and can do together. This could be anything from going for walks, cooking together, or attending a class or workshop that interests both of you. Finding common ground outside of spirituality can help strengthen your bond as a couple. Prioritize quality time together as a couple. Schedule regular date nights or weekend getaways where you can focus on each other and enjoy each other's company without distractions. Show your love and affection for each other through small gestures, compliments, and physical touch. Rebuilding intimacy often starts with reconnecting emotionally and expressing your love for each other in meaningful ways. Reconnecting as a couple takes time and effort, so be patient with each other and yourselves. It's normal to encounter setbacks along the way, but stay committed to working through them together. Remember that rebuilding intimacy and connection in a relationship is a journey, and it may not happen overnight. With patience, understanding, and effort from both of you, you can work towards restoring your relationship and creating a fulfilling partnership once again.

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |428 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 01, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Ravi, I am 40 yrs old and have been married to my lwife for 12 years. There has been many issues between us ranging from my family's behaviour towards her, my failures in meeting her expectations especially behavioural patterns/attention. Her complain towards me is that I didn't give her the kind of attention and affection which she deserved. I acknowledge that because I struggled very hard in my initial phase of career. In today's scenario she has totally lost interest in me and get attracted towards men who even shows some attention towards her. This is has happened a couple of times. Whenever I countered her for these incidents she tell that it was I who forced her to do all this. I am ready to commit my efforts to make our relationship better but she says she can't have those kind of feelings again for me. She is under constant stress and anxiety due to this and is affecting her health a lot. She is a good person by nature so I don't want to leave her but considering the toxicity of the relation and her deteriorating health due to this relation I suggested her to get separated but she says that she can't divorce because of family/other issues. I can see her struggle/pain in this forced relationship and wanted to help her but can't find out the way. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand that you are in a tricky situation and appreciate that you are putting your partner's needs first. In this situation, there's really no one to blame. You could not give her the attention she deserved but there was always a genuine reason for it. It would have been the right choice to separate since she declared her disinterest in the marriage but even that doesn't seem like an option. There's only one thing left, to peacefully co-exist and continue to put in the effort you couldn't in all those years. Continue to live with mutual respect for the marriage, if not love. Put up some ground rules- things that you are comfortable with her doing and things you aren't; consider going for marriage counseling. Professional help can give you the structured support to bring your marriage back on track, slowly but considerably more than trying your own tricks.

One more thing, don't forget to take care of your mental health. If your wife does not want to seek counseling, you can always go for it. It helps us dig deep and gain clarity over what is important and what should not burden us.

Best Wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1318 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 11, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello Mam, I'm seeking your help over topic that might not be a usual one. I am 42 and my wife is 37 and we are married from 10years and have two loving kids. We r working professionals and my wife is fond of reading lot of spiritual gurus in office over internet, to which primarily I have no problem. Now the issue here is she has very low to no interest in aspirations over usual things between a couple like each other wishes, priortising dis relation before others, a shared dream,a shared hobby, house decor or a common social circle, etc, no ornaments at home ,adoring with just a bindi is a debatable thing as for her because it's all a dikhawa.(though grooming well for office is a duty not dikhawa) .We sleep in separate rooms due to kids, Sex exist but is seldom and mostly a one way traffic. She doesn't take interest in my emotional well being because as per her I'm too confined in materialistic topics . She has an allegation too some day she was seeking the same things from me and didnt got so has found it all in spirituality. While I wonder what was dat exact date as marriage to me was to have a loving romantic and if not perfect but a true relation. .I rather see this as excuse for her deep interest in spiritual journey. What is common and connect us today is we both love kids unconditionally. I am happy go lucky person who believe in karma, god believing and nurturing family from bottom of heart and take every day as new opportunity , but there is a large space I'm lagging definately in this relation. I don't have any interest in diving into all spiritual content at all that hold answers to mystery of life or beyond life. During time of marriage she didn't shared such thoughts (now she say it's continuos evolution) but I feel it's a true cheating of kind to be in marriage and instead of weaving common dreams , deep dive into unilateral agenda. I do get busy to fill this vaccume but I m worried when I think of future as such people tend to further cut off from usual life is what I believe. I'm worried once our primary duties r complete wih regard to kids what will be common grounds in this marriage and if she pursue all this and takes to another level why shall I hue and cry at 60 regretting for my golden past years and whatever remainder future. Moreover, I won't like to ruin the kids mental and emotional well being in their upbringing at any cost and therefore kindly guide how to work things out with her.. What will kids learn from us as they see us two odd mind people staying together.. How will they begin their Romantic relations if dey see ours in misery all through childhood. I feel so sorry for them. What can I do as of now as I feel clueless and helpless inside.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It does happen within marriages where over time, as one evolves during their journey, their interests may not match with one another...
It is possible that the two of you started the marriage liking and disliking similar things BUT your wife is possibly exploring her path.
Now, it obviously can be worrying as treading on different paths can make you distant from one another. But with a lot of sincere work put back into each other and the marriage, things can get better.
- understand and accept that there is nothing constant in life and everything is dynamically changing
- spouses can pursue their individual interests within the marriage without damaging the relationship

Arguing about why things must be a particular way will not make sense as that will only give her the necessary fuel to go further away from the marriage. Spiritual pursuits may not make much sense to you, but what if you actually took interest in how she looks at it and what she gains out of it. Genuinely being curious will only want her to get back home to you and share more with you and still be connected with you.
It's like a child suddenly getting interested in a game or playing an instrument so much that they talk, breathe and live it. What do you do? Don't you get curious, ask them more, encourage them and when they feel happy doing what they love, they come back to you feeling supported and loved.
This is only mys suggestion: talk to her, tell her about your concerns and still make sure she knows that you support her journey. I do feel things will change for you at home this way...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1054 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Career
Hello, I am 3 yr neet dropper.in 2025 it will be my third attempt... I'm trying my best to crack neet ...i don't know what will happen will i score good marks or not ... please help me in suggesting good career options if not crack neet .....there are many options through neet marks also like bhms , veterinary...etc. i will also give entrance exam also like cuet ,gbpuat ,....but i want that what to choose which course will be best for me ...i want to make my life good and happy... having a good degree, good job ,...
Ans: Hello.
Have you analyzed your failure in 2 successive attempts in the NEET examination? If yes, then the question is what you have done for improvement and not then again the question arises why not? Here, I would like to suggest you focus now only on the NEET examination which is your 3rd attempt. Don't think about any other options right now till May 2025. After the NEET exam is over, you have ample time to explore the options available. Depending on your score in NEET 2025, we will guide you at that time. But yet, if you are confused, then looking towards your question and anxiety, you need personal counseling where you can express yourself face-to-face. Only after the NEET exam is over, you contact a counsellor for one-to-one counseling. Till then, keep mum and focus only on NEET. Take this exam as your mission and project. Work on this project, apply forces from all sides, success is there which is waiting for you eagerly.
Best of luck for your bright future.

Some tips: (1) Analyse separately Phy, Che, Bio (2) Prepare a list of hard topics (3) First focus more on the topics which are easy for you and then try to excel in hard topics (4) Appear more and more online/offline examinations (4) Prepare your short-cut file for all subjects (5) Prepare a file for each subject having only synopsis of all chapters (6) Try to solve the problems at the lightening speed and observe the period on regular basis (7) Create your time table to revise the topics on regular basis (8) Do not hesitate to ask your difficulties to your teachers, if you have joined to offline classes (9) Keep the habit of marking the answers which you know 100%. Don't guess the answers and mark them, as there is -ve marking scheme. (10) Be calm, quite, and smiling all the time to release the tension and always have a healthy chat with your friends.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Pradeep

Pradeep Pramanik  |186 Answers  |Ask -

Career And Placement Consultant - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Career
I am looking for a job, I had uploaded my resume in job site. A consultant called me & introduced himself telling he know some of the openings. He had a detailed discussion about my job & my skills. He told need to register to his consultancy for scheduling interview. I registered with him & he got me a interview. Interview was done by the company through skype. I could not see the company persons. They told only they can see me. Interview went on well & regarding salary I told my expectation but they told it is not possible & they told their proposal. Finally I agreed to them. They gave me code & told to visit the company for next round. Consultant called me after first round & told recruiter is very happy with the interview. Regarding salary he told why I agreed for the proposal,he will discuss again & asked to pay charges for some of his services which he will refund the day I visit to the company & take the orders. I paid him. He told there is a increase in salary he has discussed with recruiter & again asked for the money I did only partial payment & further will not pay anything. Second round also happened through skype instead of in person. Interview went on well & salary offered was good comparing to before & there was a big jump. Recruiter told they have planned to give additional responsibilities so they have increased. Finally they gave me a date to visit company. I asked when will I get the order, he replied he will send to consultant as I was taken by them. Till now i did not get the orders, consultant is keep on postponing. Now he told visit to company date is also postponed, he will update in next week & not to worry as job is confirmed. Now not understanding what to do, am I been cheated or wait.
Ans: Dear Mr. Keshava ,

There are many unscruplous job agents who are fake and claim themselves to be a Placement consultant. In short You have been cheated . Before paying any fee for registration , you must ensure that the agency is genuine . If not don't even upload your resume . You may write to company , lodge a complaint against the agency. If the amount is very high , pl. take the help of police . .

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7097 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 21, 2024

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Money
I hv started sip in 2008 and still continued , now the monthly sip is 55k and total value is 1.85cr. Need to accumulate 7cr with in next 4 yrs pls guide how can i achieve. - Deepak J. Hajari
Ans: Deepak, your long-term SIP discipline is impressive. Accumulating Rs. 7 crore in 4 years is ambitious. Achieving this goal requires a strategic approach, as time is limited. Let's create an actionable plan for your success.

Current Financial Snapshot
Ongoing SIPs: Rs. 55,000 monthly.
Current Portfolio Value: Rs. 1.85 crore.
Target Corpus: Rs. 7 crore within 4 years.
Your consistent investing habits have built a solid foundation. However, to achieve your target, adjustments are needed.

Key Challenges
Short Time Frame: Four years is a limited period for aggressive wealth accumulation.
Significant Gap: A gap of Rs. 5.15 crore remains to meet the Rs. 7 crore goal.
Market Volatility: Equity investments might face short-term volatility.
Recommendations to Bridge the Gap
1. Increase Your SIP Contributions
Raise your SIP amount to Rs. 1.25 lakh per month.
This increase ensures faster wealth creation through compounding.
Prioritise high-growth funds in equity-oriented categories.
2. Invest Lump Sum Amounts
Consider deploying a lump sum if you have idle savings or low-yield investments.
Invest in aggressive equity mutual funds for higher potential returns.
Break down the lump sum into tranches for better market timing.
3. Diversify into High-Growth Mutual Funds
Focus on small-cap and mid-cap mutual funds for higher growth potential.
Maintain a balance with some large-cap exposure for stability.
Ensure the portfolio aligns with your high-return requirements.
4. Avoid Overexposure to Debt or Low-Yield Instruments
Limit debt investments during this aggressive growth phase.
Avoid instruments like FDs or debt mutual funds with lower returns.
Rely on equity for the next four years to maximise growth.
5. Rebalance Your Portfolio Regularly
Conduct a portfolio review every 6 months.
Reallocate funds based on underperforming or outperforming sectors.
Keep your portfolio aligned with market trends and your goals.
6. Capitalize on Bonus or Windfall Gains
Direct any bonuses, salary hikes, or windfall gains towards your target.
Avoid unnecessary expenses during this focused phase.
Tax Efficiency Matters
Equity Mutual Funds Taxation: Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.
Debt Mutual Funds Taxation: Taxed as per your income slab.
Plan redemptions strategically to minimise tax liabilities.
Leverage Market Opportunities
Benefit from Market Corrections: Use corrections as opportunities to invest lump sums.
Stay Invested for Compounding: Avoid early redemptions to let compounding work fully.
Role of Regular Monitoring
Track Performance: Ensure funds are performing as per expectations.
Switch Funds if Needed: Shift from underperforming funds to high-growth options.
Final Insights
Deepak, achieving Rs. 7 crore in 4 years requires aggressive yet calculated strategies. Increase your SIPs, deploy lump sums, and focus on high-growth funds. Regular monitoring and disciplined investing are key to your success. Stay patient and consistent.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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