Hi sir I am 50 years and My wife 43 years of age. For last 5 years her libido has deteriorated drastically. Nowadays she doesn't interested in sex anymore. But my urge is too much. In addition to that her menopausal period has just started. I don't know whether it is because of hormone imbalance or anything else. Pls suggest what to do to boost up her libido.

Ans:

Post menopause, women do have to cope with several hormonal changes and sometimes lose interest in sex.

You need to explain your frustration to your wife and hear her side of it.

If you say you had a good sex life with her up until just two years ago, that means a particular issue has definitely triggered this situation.

Have a frank conversation and take steps to remedy it. Maybe she can speak to her gynaecologist about it as well; she’s certainly not the first middle-aged woman to go off sex at this juncture in life.

 

Ans: Not a doctor, a relationship therapist. You are acting your age, there’s nothing wrong with craving sexual intimacy from your wife. She is the one who’s addressing the situation wrongly.

Ans: Dear Anilkumar,
Clearly there is a mismatch in what you want and what she wants. So, taking her for medical treatment means that you might also need it...
Instead of this blame game, why don't you try and find out the reason for this lack of interest. Maybe it is tiredness of the day and also if you demand everyday, she might come up with some excuse or the other. Sex is not a mechanical activity; it requires a lot of emotional connection between two people which means you and your wife have to connect better emotionally for sex to happen. New thing for you maybe...but rather than blame her for disturbing daily life, try and be more kind to understand what is exactly bothering her. LISTEN and not DEMAND...
Simply listening and helping her through it might help her become warm towards you and things may improve...

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Sexual compatibility between couples if often a miracle. So, if there is a clear mismatch, there is also clearly a reason behind it. You stated it yourself: Lack of foreplay and your wife being overweight. So, take care of the foreplay part...what stops you from indulging in active foreplay that will get her going? There is no need to jump into the act and then complain about her not being interested in sex.
- Instead change course and pay attention to foreplay.
- Also, indulge in a lot of non-sexual forms of intimacy like cuddling, hugging etc that helps her connect with you at an emotional level and this could give way to the act.
- Pay her compliments and every once in a while surprise her with little gifts. It validates her presence and importance within the marriage.
The point that I am making is: shift focus on non-sexual intimacy first before jumping into the 'sex' part. You will see that, that bonding helps sexual compatibility.

The other part on her being overweight could also be a challenge as it can affect the way she perceives herself besides ill-health that can impact sex life greatly. Gently coax her into working out/exercising everyday with a good nutrition plan which will go a long way in not just physical fitness but an overall well-being in all areas of life. If it helps, the two of you can look at this together and make 'couple goals' to fitness and compatibility. It can keep both of you motivated and also encourage a good bond as well.

And oh! Please do not count the number of times you actually have sex. There's no competition and no medals awarded...Please bond better first...

All the best!

Ans: It’s not uncommon for women to experience shifts in sexual desire, especially around the age of 41 when hormonal changes can start to subtly occur, even if all medical tests are normal. Stress, emotional factors, or even simple changes in routine can also play a big role in desire.

Since her tests came back normal and you both maintain a healthy lifestyle with walking and exercise, it may be helpful to focus on the emotional and psychological aspects rather than just the physical. Sometimes, a lack of desire can stem from mental fatigue, stress, or even a need for a deeper emotional connection.

You could try creating a more relaxed, intimate environment without the pressure of sex. Focus on spending quality time together—maybe a weekend getaway, a relaxing evening, or just simple, non-sexual physical affection, like cuddling or holding hands, which might help reignite that connection.

Also, open communication is key. Approach the topic with understanding and without pressure. Ask her how she’s feeling, if there’s anything on her mind, or if there’s something she would like to explore together. Sometimes, just talking openly can ease the tension and bring you both closer