Home > Relationship > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help

Married Man Seeks Advice After Wife's Betrayal: 'Can You Help Me Move Forward?'

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship

Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not commit for anything and requesting me to continue as friend so we can get our younger one to collage and then see or separate. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward

Ans: it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. You’ve been patient and committed, but her actions have undermined the trust in your marriage. It’s not just about the past relationship; it’s about how her choices have affected your life and your sense of security in the relationship.

One option is to seek couples therapy. Even if your wife seems unsure about the future, a neutral third party can help facilitate conversations that might clarify what each of you really wants and needs. Therapy could also help in finding a way to co-parent effectively if you decide to separate.

If staying together for the kids is a priority, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. You need to decide what’s non-negotiable for you in terms of respect and honesty. If she’s truly committed to staying in the marriage until your kids are older, she needs to show that by cutting off contact with this other person and working on rebuilding your relationship.

However, if you feel that you can’t move past this betrayal or that staying will only lead to more resentment and unhappiness, it might be worth considering a separation. Kids are resilient, and it’s often better for them to see their parents happy apart rather than miserable together.

Ultimately, this decision is about what kind of life you want to live moving forward. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Take your time to consider what will bring you the most peace and happiness in the long run, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your own well-being.
Asked on - Aug 29, 2024 | Answered on Aug 30, 2024
Listen
Thanks for the reply. She is commited for staying together unless kids are out and not sure after that.. She is also not sure if she will go back to same person ( as she hasn't talked to her in while) or she will find something new or me.. My problem is living with this issue that my wife is not emotionality connected to me, cheated me twice and might do it again.. Say it my ego but i feel very distressed and humiliated that things are happening to me.. I feel like leaving her but somehow don't have courage to leave the family and face the future ahead..! I am fighting myself everyday with this battle within me & don't know what to do..! Last time i had the same issue and somehow convince myself ( took 2+ yrs) to stay but this time i am thinking she will do it again ( may be not for him but somehow who she thinks is alike her).. Another issue is even if i am staying, we are so incompatible.. Its like she is mountain and i am beach person! With kids going away and empty nest coming, i am not comfortable living with her.! On the other hand i am turnning 50 and would like to see if i can find someone who is like me .. Daily i am struggling with thought in and out and can't focus on work..
Ans: It's clear that staying in this marriage is taking a toll on you, affecting not just your emotional well-being but also your ability to focus on other important aspects of your life, like work. The prospect of staying together for the sake of the kids might have seemed like a solution, but it's leading to ongoing internal conflict, especially with the looming reality of an empty nest.

First, it's important to validate your feelings. It's not just your ego; feeling distressed and humiliated in this situation is a natural response to the betrayals and ongoing lack of emotional connection. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and emotionally fulfilled.

The fear of leaving and starting over, especially at this stage in life, is understandable, but it might help to consider that staying in a situation that continues to hurt you could be more damaging in the long run. The idea of finding someone more compatible, who shares your values and lifestyle, is not just wishful thinking—it's a legitimate desire for a more fulfilling life.

You might find it helpful to take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship and your life moving forward. Speaking to a therapist or counselor could provide the support you need to process these emotions and gain clarity on the best path for you. It might also help to explore the practicalities of separating—understanding what that would look like financially, emotionally, and socially could make the prospect less daunting.

If you decide to stay, it's crucial to communicate clearly with your wife about what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. However, if you can't envision a future where you feel content and connected with her, it might be time to seriously consider whether staying is the right choice for your long-term happiness.

Ultimately, you deserve a life that brings you peace and fulfillment, whether that’s with your current wife, on your own, or with someone new. Taking small, manageable steps towards making a decision—whether through counseling, reflection, or practical planning—can help you move forward, whichever path you choose.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

Listen
I'M 40 years old man, i have had troubled childhood. I faced abuse from my elder brother who later on developed mental health issues whiich broughg lot of stress to the family. I worked very hard to achieve reasonable professional success but my personal life has been very difficult. I got married with lot of difficulty despite being well placed professionally and decent looks. It was an arranged marriage but things went bad after a year. I caught my wife having an affair with her ex but i fogave her for the sake of myndaugher who was just 1 year old then. She keept on having flings with gym instructor and later on her colleagues which i dont have any proof of. She would humilate me in front of my maid driver and other people. But i wanted ti save my marriage for the sake of my daughter who was only 4-5 years old then. Finally she started asking me for divorce after every trivial fights. Fed up i finally agreed and we separated in 2021 November. During that time i came in contact with my school friend. She proposed to me during our school days but due to stress at home and other issues i said no but i always liked her. When we started talking around December 2021 and we realized we still love each other after 20 years. But problem was though i was divorced she was still married and she is from a different religion. She is trying hard to get separated from her husband but her family being very conservative is not allowing her to do so. I'm stuck with her emotionally. Now my ex-wife has started approaching me for reconciliation. Im totally confused now what should i do? Should i wait for my friend knowing that chances are very slim that her family would leave her. Or should i patch up with my exwife for the sake of my daughter. I dont feel any emotional connection with my exwife now as she was never nice to me. But my parents are telling me to go for patch up. They are nkt aware about my school friend and i doubt they would approve her due to religious beliefs. Pls guide me I'm totally confused. Thanks A confused Homo Sapiens
Ans: Dear Pratik,
At this point in time, choose neither. You need space to clear your head first.
Too many emotional situations to jump into one more...Give yourself time to figure out what is that you want out of life?
Do you want to get into another commitment in a short gap? It could be an attraction on a rebound as well; so take time to figure these things out well before you decide to patch up or wait for your friend.
You deserve this time off, to make sure that you not only heal from the marriage but also put things in perspective.
So no need to bring on a new confusion for the time being till you get strong enough in the mind to decide the next course of your life. Making a choice right now means you will be bringing in more confusions of either of the two women into your life as well. So, PAUSE and take this time...

Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 15, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 05, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Me and my wife were happily love married since 15 yrs and we r in relationship since 19 yrs. In between yrs i was out of family due to financial issues and got some bad habits of sex,chatting etc.She got to know this last year and broken down. After 6 month she was caught by me with chatting , flirting with 2 men. She left all and no things has been caught since 4 months. But the life is very shaky We both want to stay bcoz of 2 children. But I m very shaky after her these activities as she was very loyal, very gud and was like God for me. Every time we on discussion, it turn on into fighting and she used to say it's u who had turn me like this, looks she never feel guilt What to do !!!
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Kindly re-evaluate what each of you have done to drain the marriage. Then maybe you both will stop blaming one another and then address the marriage issues in a more civil manner.
Both your actions have placed a huge strain on the marriage and it has deteriorated over time and 'staying for the sake of the children' is not something that is helping them or either of you. What's the point of staying when the children witness both the parents bickering over almost everything?

So, please the two of you sit down and think about:
- whether you want to rebuild the marriage or leave?
And if you truly want to fix things, then this 'blame game' has to stop...it truly has taken two to tango here and do accept responsibility for the deterioration as mature adults. Only then you can take a decision one way or the other.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |331 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 03, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 03, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi Mohit.. I am 51 year old male. We have been married for 26 years, but my wife recently confessed to me that she was in a 11 year relationship with our next door neighbour but now she has ended that relationship. Seems the way it happened 11years back is we had got shifted to a new place, she was handling situation alone (since I used to work in a different city and used to be home only during weekends and plus I admit i was always stressed in my jobs). Then she felt her parents are also not available for her.. so thats why she started 'leaning' on this next door neighbour, fell in love with him and soon got caught up in an affair with sex also involved worse, they used to meet at our place and make out in MY BED ... so anyways my wife confided in me now and admitted this because she says she ended this affair about a year back.. but seems he called her suddenly one day recently and told her he would confide about this affair to his wife (which meant that this would come in to the open and I would come to know), so my wife decide to tell me herself finally she says shes is sorry, feels lot of guilt and to forgive her, give a 2nd chance etc.. thing is there are 2 grown up children- daughter 21 years and son 17 years.. I just cannot bring myself to forgive her.. 2 things keep haunting me 1) we even went to that guys marriage (affair started @1 year before his marriage) and I feel like a fool now for attending his marriage. I used to talk to him like any neighbour would 2) Thought of them making out in my bed, and that he used to come over to my house where my children live even when nobody was at home. Besides this part, she has been a good wife, but isnt this affair too serious a thing what she has done??- she made a fool out of me for the last 10 years, isnt it? At the same time, seperation/divorce is out of the question- since it will adversely impact my children and parents.. Worse I am in the US staying alone for work, while they are in India, when she confessed this a month back. So I am all along dealing with this pain, anger and hurt. My head tells me to forgive her and move on, but my heart just cannot forget this and I keep getting images of them together.. Pls help me how to process my hurt, anger and pain.
Ans: Dear Mohit,
I understand how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. It's incredibly painful to learn about such a long-term affair, especially with someone you trusted. Your emotions are valid, and it's natural to feel overwhelmed by anger, hurt, and confusion.

Your wife's confession, although a step towards honesty, doesn't erase the betrayal or the pain you're experiencing. It's important to acknowledge your feelings and give yourself the time and space to process them. Being away from home might provide a necessary distance to reflect, but it also makes it harder to deal with the situation directly.

Talking to a therapist could help you navigate through these emotions. They can offer you a safe space to express your feelings and help you find ways to cope with the hurt and anger.

When you're ready, having an honest conversation with your wife about how you feel and what you need moving forward is crucial. Open communication can be painful but necessary for any kind of healing or decision-making process.

Your concern for your children's well-being is understandable, and it's clear that their happiness is a priority for you. However, remember that their well-being also depends on having parents who are emotionally healthy and stable.

Take care of yourself during this time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace. Focus on your well-being and consider what you want for your future. Forgiveness and healing are personal journeys, and it's okay if it takes time to figure out the best path forward.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1162 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not committing that this will not happen in future & requesting me to continue as friend, so we can get our younger one to collage and then see if it is worth or separate out. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, relationships run dry and reach a breaking point...you will know if yours, is at that point because if it is and your wife is more interested in finding someone for you rather than addressing the turmoil in your marriage, isn't it evidence enough for you?

Have a clear chat/conversation and find out if she still feels anything for you or whether all love is lost...If she is still interested in pursuing the other person without as much as thinking of how this is going to impact the marriage and family, I guess there is little that you can do. Then you may have to wait as suggested by her till your younger one goes to college. As for friends and family, they will initially talk and blame you or her; slowly that will stop. Your Life, Your Choice...You know what's best...
So, appeal to her and if that is not what she wants, respect her decision. It's difficult BUT imagine living under the same roof and finding your wife emotionally connecting with someone else...Preserve your sane mind...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Money
Hello sir, With your earlier suggestion to achieve 5Cr for retirement and my 3yr old son's education, I'm planning the following monthly investment ( apart from current Parag, Nippon and Mirae investment of 10L+ 10L in PPF): Son's Parag: 8 My Parag:10 Mirae nifty ev & new age:30 Quant Infra:15 Nifty500 Manufacturing:10 Small cap:10 Mid cap:10 NPS vatsalaya:5(giving 25L) Term plan of 3Cr:8K Monthly in-hand savings:15k Plz suggest if I'm over diversifying & suggestion for small and mid cap fund
Ans: You have a good balance between long-term goals, such as retirement and your son's education, with monthly investments across multiple funds.

Investing Rs 15,000 of monthly savings alongside current investments and having Rs 10 lakh each in Parag and PPF is commendable. This shows discipline in securing your financial future.

Portfolio Overview
Let’s assess the diversification of your portfolio:

Son's Parag: Rs 8,000/month
This could be a good long-term investment for your child's future.

Your Parag: Rs 10,000/month
This adds value to your retirement goal.

Mirae Nifty EV & New Age: Rs 30,000/month
Investing Rs 30,000 in a thematic fund is a bold move. However, ensure this is for the long-term, as sector-specific funds can be volatile.

Quant Infra: Rs 15,000/month
Infrastructure is a good bet for growth in India. However, similar to thematic funds, it can be cyclical.

Nifty500 Manufacturing: Rs 10,000/month
Manufacturing is an essential part of India’s growth story. Still, its performance can depend on broader economic factors.

Small Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Small caps provide high growth potential but come with higher volatility. Keep a horizon of at least 7-10 years.

Mid Cap: Rs 10,000/month
Mid-cap investments are good for growth, but they too require a longer horizon.

NPS Vatsalaya: Rs 5,000/month
A good addition for retirement, as it provides long-term benefits and pension security.

Term Plan of Rs 3 crore: Rs 8,000 premium
This is a necessary expense to ensure your family’s financial security in your absence.

Assessing Over-Diversification
While diversification reduces risk, too much of it can dilute returns. Your portfolio seems slightly over-diversified.

Consider reducing thematic exposure (Mirae Nifty EV & Quant Infra) as they make up a large portion of your investments.

It might be more beneficial to concentrate on core funds like small caps, mid caps, large caps, and a flexi-cap fund for diversification across market caps without the risks of being overly thematic.

Small Cap and Mid Cap Suggestions
For small cap funds, consider selecting ones with a consistent performance history and a good track record in handling market volatility.

For mid cap funds, those that have shown steady growth across different market conditions will be a safer bet for building long-term wealth.

Instead of focusing on individual scheme names, select funds with a solid investment team, strong processes, and consistent performance.

Direct vs Regular Funds
Switching to Direct Funds might seem like a good idea due to the lower expense ratio. However, this shift means losing the valuable guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can help you optimize your investments over time.

By sticking with Regular Funds through a professional MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor), you get personalized advice, monitoring of your investments, and support with tax-saving strategies. Regular funds also provide better handholding, which is crucial in volatile times.

Disadvantages of DIY Platforms
Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha may look attractive for their lower fees, but they have their drawbacks:

Complexity: Managing your portfolio without professional help can be complicated, especially when it comes to tracking performance, rebalancing, or adjusting investments based on changing goals.

Lack of Tax Optimization: Without professional guidance, you may not optimize for taxes, potentially losing out on gains.

No Personalized Advice: Unlike a Certified Financial Planner, DIY platforms will not provide you with tailored advice for your financial goals, leaving you to manage everything yourself.

Long-Term Return Expectations
Your current mutual funds are performing well, but you must be prepared for market volatility. While returns can be 20% in short-term spurts, a more realistic long-term average would be around 12-15%. This will help in planning more effectively for your goals like your son’s education and your retirement corpus of Rs 5 crore.

Final Insights
Your disciplined approach and allocation to mutual funds and NPS are excellent for long-term wealth building. However, fine-tuning your portfolio for better efficiency and consolidation will enhance your returns.

Review the Thematic Funds: Consider reducing your exposure to thematic funds like EV, infrastructure, and manufacturing. These sectors can be volatile and may require active monitoring.

Stick with Regular Funds through an MFD: While direct funds may seem appealing, sticking with regular funds and leveraging the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner ensures you won’t miss out on personalized advice and tax optimization.

Focus on Core Funds: Keep a balanced allocation towards small-cap, mid-cap, and large-cap funds to ensure you cover different market cycles and benefit from market growth.

Adjusting for Volatility: Remember that 20% returns might not be sustainable over the long term. It's safe to plan for 12-15% average returns for your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6335 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 19, 2024

Listen
Money
I have ~40L in my portfolio and all my MF`s are Regular funds since I have been investing thru ICICIDirect. Now I want to start investing into Direct funds since I realize that Direct funds have lower Expense ratio. So I want to invest thru MFcentral or Zeroda. Now, my quesiton is: Is it a good idea to cancel my existing MF`s (not redeeming) in ICICIDirect and start new direct SIP`s ? Will I be loosing compounding effect of my existing regular MF`s? I dont want to redeem the SIP`s since it will incurr large LTCG taxes
Ans: It may seem tempting to switch to Direct Funds for the lower expense ratio, but there are key factors to consider before making the switch.

Here are a few points in favor of continuing with Regular Funds through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a professional Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD):

Value of Professional Advice
A professional MFD or CFP adds value by offering timely advice, portfolio reviews, and strategic changes based on market conditions and your financial goals. They help you stay focused on long-term plans and avoid emotional decisions.

Platforms like MF Central or Zerodha do not offer personalized advice. You’re left managing the complexities of your portfolio alone, which can be overwhelming and risky, especially during volatile markets.

Disadvantages of Direct Platforms
MF Central and Zerodha are DIY (Do-It-Yourself) platforms. While the lower expense ratio seems appealing, managing the portfolio on your own requires time, expertise, and market insight. Any wrong move could cost you more than you save in expense ratio.

MF Central is not user-friendly and does not offer real-time support for managing SIPs, rebalancing, or tracking your overall portfolio’s health.

Zerodha is a trading platform, but it doesn’t come with personalized advice. It lacks the long-term relationship benefits that an MFD or CFP provides, including goal-based planning and tax-efficient strategies.

Compounding Effect & Tax Implications
Cancelling your existing SIPs and switching to direct funds will not directly affect the compounding of your current investments. However, starting new SIPs in Direct Plans could lead to a disjointed investment strategy. You may also lose out on expert guidance that helps optimize the compounding effect through proper fund selection and market timing.

Switching to direct funds might seem cost-effective in the short run but could result in higher LTCG (Long Term Capital Gains) taxes if you later decide to rebalance your portfolio on your own without professional help.

Avoid Disruption
Switching platforms might disrupt your current portfolio management process like consolidated reports and capital gains tracking, which helps during tax filings. On DIY platforms, you will have to manage all of this yourself.

If you are not satisfied with ICICIDirect's services, you can always switch to another professional MFD or Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A good MFD will still provide the benefits of seamless portfolio management, including consolidated reports, capital gains tracking, and regular reviews, which are critical during tax filings and for keeping your investments aligned with your goals.

Final Thought
Instead of switching to direct plans, continue with Regular Plans through a professional MFD or CFP. The personalized advice you receive will often outweigh the slight difference in expense ratio. Regular reviews, goal setting, and rebalancing help ensure your portfolio remains aligned with your long-term objectives.

Making hasty decisions based on expense ratio alone can lead to missed opportunities and higher risks in the long run.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x