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Married Man Seeks Advice After Wife's Betrayal: 'Can You Help Me Move Forward?'

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |484 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 09, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Aug 07, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not commit for anything and requesting me to continue as friend so we can get our younger one to collage and then see or separate. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward

Ans: it’s important to acknowledge that your feelings are valid. You’ve been patient and committed, but her actions have undermined the trust in your marriage. It’s not just about the past relationship; it’s about how her choices have affected your life and your sense of security in the relationship.

One option is to seek couples therapy. Even if your wife seems unsure about the future, a neutral third party can help facilitate conversations that might clarify what each of you really wants and needs. Therapy could also help in finding a way to co-parent effectively if you decide to separate.

If staying together for the kids is a priority, it’s crucial to establish clear boundaries and expectations moving forward. You need to decide what’s non-negotiable for you in terms of respect and honesty. If she’s truly committed to staying in the marriage until your kids are older, she needs to show that by cutting off contact with this other person and working on rebuilding your relationship.

However, if you feel that you can’t move past this betrayal or that staying will only lead to more resentment and unhappiness, it might be worth considering a separation. Kids are resilient, and it’s often better for them to see their parents happy apart rather than miserable together.

Ultimately, this decision is about what kind of life you want to live moving forward. You deserve a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. Take your time to consider what will bring you the most peace and happiness in the long run, and don’t be afraid to prioritize your own well-being.
Asked on - Aug 29, 2024 | Answered on Aug 30, 2024
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Thanks for the reply. She is commited for staying together unless kids are out and not sure after that.. She is also not sure if she will go back to same person ( as she hasn't talked to her in while) or she will find something new or me.. My problem is living with this issue that my wife is not emotionality connected to me, cheated me twice and might do it again.. Say it my ego but i feel very distressed and humiliated that things are happening to me.. I feel like leaving her but somehow don't have courage to leave the family and face the future ahead..! I am fighting myself everyday with this battle within me & don't know what to do..! Last time i had the same issue and somehow convince myself ( took 2+ yrs) to stay but this time i am thinking she will do it again ( may be not for him but somehow who she thinks is alike her).. Another issue is even if i am staying, we are so incompatible.. Its like she is mountain and i am beach person! With kids going away and empty nest coming, i am not comfortable living with her.! On the other hand i am turnning 50 and would like to see if i can find someone who is like me .. Daily i am struggling with thought in and out and can't focus on work..
Ans: It's clear that staying in this marriage is taking a toll on you, affecting not just your emotional well-being but also your ability to focus on other important aspects of your life, like work. The prospect of staying together for the sake of the kids might have seemed like a solution, but it's leading to ongoing internal conflict, especially with the looming reality of an empty nest.

First, it's important to validate your feelings. It's not just your ego; feeling distressed and humiliated in this situation is a natural response to the betrayals and ongoing lack of emotional connection. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and emotionally fulfilled.

The fear of leaving and starting over, especially at this stage in life, is understandable, but it might help to consider that staying in a situation that continues to hurt you could be more damaging in the long run. The idea of finding someone more compatible, who shares your values and lifestyle, is not just wishful thinking—it's a legitimate desire for a more fulfilling life.

You might find it helpful to take some time to reflect on what you truly want and need from a relationship and your life moving forward. Speaking to a therapist or counselor could provide the support you need to process these emotions and gain clarity on the best path for you. It might also help to explore the practicalities of separating—understanding what that would look like financially, emotionally, and socially could make the prospect less daunting.

If you decide to stay, it's crucial to communicate clearly with your wife about what you need to feel secure and respected in the relationship. However, if you can't envision a future where you feel content and connected with her, it might be time to seriously consider whether staying is the right choice for your long-term happiness.

Ultimately, you deserve a life that brings you peace and fulfillment, whether that’s with your current wife, on your own, or with someone new. Taking small, manageable steps towards making a decision—whether through counseling, reflection, or practical planning—can help you move forward, whichever path you choose.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 15, 2023Hindi
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Hello, I have been married from 15 yrs. I have a 9 yrs old son with me. In oct 21 my wife (age 38) started making REELS on insta of the facial acting. She got involved and told me that she is just doing for followers and like. People used to comment good and bad which i didnt like. She was trying to make young guy friends. In april 2022 she had an affair with a 22-year-old boy who was not even financial stable. I could she changes in her every day. In June 2022 I caught her and she confess that she did affair and also done physical relationship. I had unconditionally loved her all these years and didn’t wanted to let her go. Also, didn’t wanted to hurt my son by taking a divorce. That guy refused to keep my son and their relation broke, but my wife still loved him and missed him. Few months she was in depression and I took her upmost care and swallowed what she did. I just told her that please come back to our life as you were before but she was not getting back. There used to be few quarrels, she was just staying alone within herself and I never felt that love which she used to give me. Later in feb23 there was a marriage at her family and I agree to go with her so she may get that feel during our times and she promised me to enjoy the marriage and make love with me. But she was happy with her relative and didn’t even bother to make that love and affection with me. from that time, I used to get angry and fight with her. I went into depression. In May 2023 she was getting worst and one day fight increased and I asked her to leave my house which I wasn’t intentionally wanted to. She left and went missing 24 yrs and then called from her mom mobile who was in her village, since she didn’t come back home and from last two month, she has been asking me money for herself and says it’s her rights. She doesn’t bother for my son and just show that she loves him. She works and stay with woman from 6 months and I’m looking after my son all alone. I told her u can work but just come home and make things better for my son. Her conditions is to give money security (money) then only she will return. All my family says she is just behind money and doesn’t care what I and my son is going through. She is not guilt for what she did. 15 yrs of marriage has been ruin and now she has no shame at all. She talks rudely if i dont send her money and now I refused sending her. Please advice what do I do now.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You seem to have done a lot to try and get her back. What can you do if she doesn't want to acknowledge your efforts or appreciate what family life is! One would imagine that a child in the equation may bring about a change in heart but that doesn't seem to be the case here at this moment.
Your family members are right in their mind about the way that see your wife as they have been observing how this has impacted you and your son.
Either you wait for her to come to her senses OR simply learn to live life without her. If the outside world of social media is what seems to satisfy her, no matter what you do, she will be dissatisfied and unhappy. This only means that she has to learn and appreciate what she has with you and your son.
It is also possible that she has been disinterested in the marriage for a while now and has been seeking approval and validation from people on social media. Even if this is the case, being angry with you is understandable BUT what about her own child? What makes her not want to deal with that reality? If you need an answer to this, simply WAIT and WATCH without begging her to come back...That will give you an idea as to where her mind is and then decide on the future course...

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2024Hindi
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Madam me and my wife were married for 13 Odd Yrs and have been blessed with 2 kids aged about 12 and 8 respectively, while things were quite good but my wife addiction to social media ( FB / Insta ) spoilt entire relationship and she making up friends who are totally unknown spoilt her and also found out in the long run she was involved with other men, eventually we got divorced and kids custody was given to me but after about 2 Yrs i realised my kids needs support of an mother at home as it was making things difficult for me as a single parent to manage, thereby i happend to meet a person who had advertised thru marriage portal, though she was a widow with 2 kids, felt she cd be able to handle it better as her kids have lost their father, felt this would work, first few months she was quite okay later on she starting unnecessarily issues and made sure my kids return back to their biological mother as they felt things were more comfortable over there, and this partner of mine expects me to show love attention only to her and her biological kids, though she doesnt say it straight, her reactions and unnecessary disputes and fights after me visiting my kids or meeting them or even if i have gone to visit my mother or had lunch or dinner with her, make her feel very restlesness, i have always told and advised her to maintain good relationship with my family, but due to her arrogance and ignorance my own family members have distanced her and continue to talk to me or meet me outside, she has gone to the extent saying she wants to get out of the relationship and i had borrowed money due to my hardtimes and she keeps saying she wants money to be returned so that she steps out and want to stay independently with her kids, I am also fed up and completely lost being away from my kids and my mother Is it advisable to go for divorce or just seperation will do, or can a bond paper specifiying that i have returned her money and have ended this relationship and no claims further will be entertained, can i have this - Pls guide, its better to stay single and take care of my own kids and mother than being away from them and taking care of other kids as own...
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's a lot of mess...where and how things went downhill is something that you surely know. Take care of the children first. The kid are caught in the middle of all of this.
Yours and hers as well...
Sadly, she hasn't matured to understand the concept of embracing your children as her own but wants to cling on to you and literally draw a wedge between you and your family.
RED FLAG, right there...

Now, you need to think about how all this is affecting the children and the impact it is having in your daily life. Is there a way by which this lady will be able to understand that you all will be one big unit; children, the two of you and your family and hers as well...If she is prepared for this, then it gets easy on everyone but if her insecurities are going to get the better of her, this is a bigger mess that you could have ever imagined.
Have a frank talk and clearly state the people who are important to you and that you wish to be connected to them just as she wants her children to be a part of her life.
Hear what she has to say and then I guess, you will know what to do as your ask and want is clear in your mind. The best relationships are the ones that bring people together and nourishes them.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1437 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Aug 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 08, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi.. I am 49 yrs Male & married for 22 yrs with teenage kids.. I live abroad since 16 yrs.. Me & wife had arranged marriage in the same caste when we were in India.. After few months of marriage, my wife told me about her past relationship during collage and only reason she could not continue because of his father resistance( diff caste).. I belong to very middle class with no such precedence like this and felt bad . Later, I continued with her but always had feeling that she would compare the love & affection she got from him, with me.. I am not very romantic or expressive and like to live normal life..! We have little diff of opinion since beginning and will have fight almost every week.. Fast forward when all was going ok with 2 kids, busy work in abroad, I caught her cheating with the same person ( almost 17 yrs after they separated).. They found each other on social media and started talking. .. She being abroad & him in India, will call him daily in my absence for hours and they exchange explicit messages day in and out..! Once caught initially she regretted ( that too only after i got really mad & threaten to tell everyone) and it took us 2-3 yrs to comeback to terms mostly due to younger kids..!! Now 10 yrs later, i found her calling ( although he did not pickup) and now she is telling that she has emotional connection with him from the past while I could not build that connection with her.. She is not committing that this will not happen in future & requesting me to continue as friend, so we can get our younger one to collage and then see if it is worth or separate out. She is even ready to find me someone that fits my choice. I am in dilemma on what to do as i am not ready to forgive her but worried about kids future..! Even though we stay aboard, we have very close network of friends & family which we cant ignore..! I somehow feel to let it go but i get irritated that this is not the life i would like to live now & future. Can you pls advise some tips to move forward
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
At times, relationships run dry and reach a breaking point...you will know if yours, is at that point because if it is and your wife is more interested in finding someone for you rather than addressing the turmoil in your marriage, isn't it evidence enough for you?

Have a clear chat/conversation and find out if she still feels anything for you or whether all love is lost...If she is still interested in pursuing the other person without as much as thinking of how this is going to impact the marriage and family, I guess there is little that you can do. Then you may have to wait as suggested by her till your younger one goes to college. As for friends and family, they will initially talk and blame you or her; slowly that will stop. Your Life, Your Choice...You know what's best...
So, appeal to her and if that is not what she wants, respect her decision. It's difficult BUT imagine living under the same roof and finding your wife emotionally connecting with someone else...Preserve your sane mind...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

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Hi, i'm 49 years old and investing in HDFC Flexicap, HDFC Mid cap oppurtunities and ICICI prudential Nifty 50 index and also in NPS per month 5000 each. Is this sufficient for next 10 years.
Ans: Your current investment strategy reflects commitment and discipline. Here's a detailed evaluation and guidance for the next 10 years.

Existing Portfolio and Investment Pattern
Your investments in diversified equity mutual funds are a good starting point.

National Pension System (NPS) contributions add long-term security.

A balanced combination of equity and retirement-focused investments is appreciable.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds outperform benchmarks during market volatility.

Fund managers adjust portfolios to seize opportunities and minimize risks.

Your selected funds offer growth potential through expert-driven strategies.

Drawbacks of Index Funds
Index funds merely replicate a market index without adapting to changes.

They miss opportunities to outperform during market corrections.

Actively managed funds suit long-term goals better with higher growth prospects.

Investment Diversification
A mix of equity categories provides stability and growth.

Mid-cap funds add growth potential, while flexi-cap funds offer stability.

Ensure your portfolio balances risk and long-term returns effectively.

National Pension System (NPS) Contribution
NPS is a disciplined, tax-efficient retirement savings tool.

Allocations to equity and debt within NPS align with your risk appetite.

Regular contributions ensure a robust corpus for retirement.

Monitoring Inflation and Future Costs
Inflation impacts purchasing power and future goals.

Assess if your investments match inflation-adjusted needs.

Consider additional investments if current contributions fall short of future requirements.

Tax Implications on Mutual Fund Investments
Equity mutual funds have new capital gains tax rules.

Long-term gains above Rs 1.25 lakh attract 12.5% tax.

Short-term gains are taxed at 20%, reducing net returns.

Regular Review of Investments
Periodically evaluate your portfolio's performance.

Assess alignment with changing financial goals and market conditions.

Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your strategy.

Contingency Planning
Build an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses.

Keep it liquid in instruments like savings accounts or short-term debt funds.

This ensures financial security during unexpected situations.

Additional Recommendations
Avoid direct funds; regular funds through a Certified Financial Planner offer better insights.

Regular funds provide guidance, performance tracking, and informed decision-making.

Diversify further into large-cap or balanced funds if needed for reduced volatility.

Health Insurance and Risk Coverage
Ensure adequate health insurance for you and your family.

Review life insurance to match liabilities and responsibilities.

Separate insurance and investment for better clarity and effectiveness.

Adjusting Contributions
Increase investments as income grows over the next decade.

Regular increments enhance your corpus significantly over time.

Automated increases in SIP amounts can align with inflation and financial growth.

Future Goals and Planning
Define clear financial goals, including retirement, children’s education, and lifestyle.

Allocate funds based on goal timeframes and priorities.

Maintain a balance between aggressive growth and stability.

Final Insights
Your current strategy lays a solid foundation. However, continuous assessment ensures its relevance to future needs. Strengthen your portfolio with diversified investments, consistent reviews, and adjustments to achieve financial independence over the next decade.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

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I am doing SIP in QUANT SMALL CAP & MIDCAP since last 2 years. Recently they are involved in front running case and SEBI investigation is going on. My doubt is shall i continue SIP or stop the investment ? I am already having another 5 SIPS in small cap , midcap & flexi cap since last 5 years which are having CAGR of above 15%. If you advice me to stop SIP in QUANT, i will divert this amount in above 5 sips.
Ans: The ongoing SEBI investigation and other highlighted concerns about Quant Mutual Fund raise significant questions. Here is a comprehensive evaluation of whether to continue your SIPs or stop them.

1. Understanding the Current Situation with Quant Mutual Fund
SEBI conducted a search-and-seizure operation, not a routine enquiry.

Quant Mutual Fund clarified that the operation was part of a court-approved investigation.

Changes in leadership, such as the CFO's resignation, have added to investor concerns.

Despite these challenges, the fund house continues to assure full cooperation with SEBI.

2. Performance and Reputation of Quant Mutual Fund
Quant Mutual Fund has shown exceptional growth, with AUMs rising from Rs 233 crore to Rs 94,000 crore in four years.

The fund's small-cap schemes have delivered outstanding performance, often topping the charts.

Critics highlight red flags, including over-reliance on one individual and potential SEBI rule violations.

Momentum-based strategies and concentrated stock holdings raise questions about risk and sustainability.

3. Risks Associated with One-Man Show Management
Investment decisions reportedly rely heavily on Sandeep Tandon, the key figure at Quant.

Lack of a robust team structure and research capacity may pose systemic risks.

A one-person-driven strategy can lead to inconsistent performance in volatile markets.

Inadequate team size and resources could hinder the fund’s ability to address SEBI’s queries effectively.

4. Evaluating Diversification in Your Portfolio
You already have five SIPs in small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds performing well with over 15% CAGR.

Diversifying across multiple fund houses reduces exposure to single-entity risks.

Overlapping strategies within the same fund categories may lead to over-concentration.

Reassess your portfolio’s allocation to ensure alignment with your financial goals.

5. Tax Implications of Stopping SIP and Redeeming Investments
If you decide to stop SIPs and redeem investments, consider the tax impact.

LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%, while STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemptions to minimise tax liability and reinvest strategically.

Use a Certified Financial Planner for tax-efficient portfolio adjustments.

6. Alternatives to Quant Funds for SIP Diversion
If you stop SIPs in Quant funds, divert the amount to your existing well-performing funds.

Actively managed funds with strong teams and transparent processes are ideal alternatives.

Ensure new investments align with your risk appetite and financial objectives.

Balance between equity and debt funds for portfolio stability and growth.

7. Impact of SEBI Investigation on Investor Confidence
SEBI’s findings may impact Quant Mutual Fund’s reputation and future performance.

Regulatory actions could introduce stricter compliance measures across the mutual fund industry.

Monitor updates on the investigation and assess its implications for the fund house.

Maintain vigilance about regulatory developments affecting the fund.

8. Importance of Fund House Credibility
A fund house's governance and transparency are critical for investor trust.

Reevaluate investments in funds with potential governance issues.

Choose funds with a strong track record of compliance and ethical practices.

Avoid funds overly dependent on individuals rather than institutional processes.

9. Making a Decision on Quant SIP Continuation
Reasons to Consider Stopping SIPs in Quant Funds:

Regulatory risks due to SEBI investigation.
Over-reliance on a one-man strategy.
Lack of institutional structure and research team.
Reasons to Consider Continuing SIPs in Quant Funds:

Exceptional past performance.
Potential for future returns if the fund overcomes current challenges.
10. Final Insights
The SEBI investigation and governance concerns warrant a cautious approach. If you are uncomfortable with the risks, stopping SIPs and diverting funds to your other well-performing SIPs is prudent. Maintain a diversified and balanced portfolio to safeguard your financial goals. Stay updated on SEBI developments and periodically review your investments with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Money
My father expired recently. His Savings Accounts and FD's all are in nationalized banks. In most of the accounts my mother is nominee. As far as FD is concerned either he has kept my mother as nominee or they are joint holders. In all this banks my mother also has savings account and fds in her name. Kindly advise about the banking procedure. We want to invest my fathers hard earned money. Also flat is owned by my father and mother jointly. Advise about that procedure also. I have one sister and I am married with son. Before dying he has not left any will.
Ans: Losing a loved one is always difficult. Managing financial matters requires careful attention. Below is a detailed plan to handle your father’s accounts and investments.

1. Managing Savings Accounts
Check for nominee details on all savings accounts.

If your mother is the nominee, the process is straightforward.

Submit the following documents to the bank:

Death certificate of your father.
Nominee’s identity proof and address proof.
Bank account details of the nominee for fund transfer.
The bank will verify documents and transfer funds to the nominee’s account.

If no nominee is registered, the bank will request legal heir documents.

A succession certificate may be required.
Apply through the district court for this certificate.
2. Handling Fixed Deposits (FDs)
Joint Holder FDs:
If the FD is jointly held with “either or survivor” clause, your mother can access it directly.
Submit the death certificate and a simple application to continue or withdraw the FD.
Nominee FDs:
If your mother is the nominee, submit her identity proof and the death certificate.
The funds will be transferred to her account.
FDs Without Nominee:
For such cases, the legal heir process will apply.
Obtain a succession certificate for claiming the funds.
3. Managing the Jointly Owned Flat
The flat is jointly owned by your parents.

Your mother automatically inherits your father’s share.

To update ownership records:

Submit your father’s death certificate to the housing society.
Request a name transfer form from the society.
For legal ownership transfer:

Update property records with the sub-registrar’s office.
Submit the death certificate and joint ownership documents.
Discuss with your sister to ensure no future disputes.

4. Creating an Investment Plan for Your Mother
Assessing Current Funds:
Consolidate all proceeds from your father’s accounts and FDs.
Include the savings, FDs, and other assets your mother holds.
Identifying Financial Goals:
Prioritise safety and liquidity for your mother’s needs.
Create provisions for emergencies and regular income.
Suggested Investments:
Invest in a mix of debt and balanced mutual funds for stability.
Include senior citizen savings schemes for guaranteed returns.
Ensure liquidity by keeping some funds in fixed deposits or liquid funds.
5. Family Consent and Legal Safeguards
Discuss all financial matters openly with your sister.

Take written consent from family members before major decisions.

Create a will for your mother to avoid future complications.

Include all assets and their intended distribution in the will.

6. Tax Implications and Planning
Consult a Certified Financial Planner to manage taxes efficiently.

Interest income from FDs and mutual funds will be taxable.

Plan investments under Section 80C and 80D to save tax.

Keep track of long-term and short-term capital gains taxation.

7. Building a Comprehensive Financial Plan
Ensure your mother has adequate health and life insurance.

Set aside emergency funds for unforeseen expenses.

Regularly review investments for optimal performance.

Diversify funds to reduce risks and maintain steady returns.

8. Educating Your Family on Financial Matters
Involve your family in understanding financial procedures.

Teach them the importance of nominations and joint accounts.

Create a list of all assets and liabilities for easy reference.

Share this list with your spouse and trusted family members.

Final Insights
Handling your father’s hard-earned money requires care and responsibility. Following the correct procedures ensures smooth transitions. Create a robust financial plan to protect and grow these funds for your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Money
I am 43 years old drawing monthly salary of 3.5 lakhs. I have multiple loans going on for property and the monthly outgo is 2.4 lakhs. Rental income 30k. The loans would end in next 5-6 years. My monthly SIP amount is 34000. Total accumulated amount is 31 lacs. Annual LIC is 80k. Maturity value of LIC is 30 lacs and i policies wud mature in 4 years. My another investment is in TATA AIG life insurance for which annual outgo is 5.5 lacs for next 3 years. I would receive 65 lacs approx after 13 years. Total PF amount is 60 lacs as of now, plan to work till 65. I have term plan of 1.5 cr till 75 yrs. family health insurance of 1cr. I have son aged 12 n daughter 3 . I would need around 1cr for their education and an equal amount for their wedding. I would need a corpus of around 3 to 4 cr for retirement. What should i do to reach this goal. How do i reduce my obligations which this moment seems to be significant.
Ans: At 43, you have significant responsibilities and aspirations. Balancing your current obligations and future goals requires a structured approach. Let us create a plan that helps reduce your financial burden and achieve your long-term goals.

1. Evaluate Current Financial Situation
Your monthly salary is Rs 3.5 lakhs.

Loan EMIs amount to Rs 2.4 lakhs monthly, with 5-6 years remaining.

Rental income of Rs 30,000 offsets some EMIs.

Your SIP amount is Rs 34,000 monthly, and the accumulated corpus is Rs 31 lakhs.

LIC premiums of Rs 80,000 annually will mature in 4 years with Rs 30 lakhs.

TATA AIG life insurance premium is Rs 5.5 lakhs annually for 3 more years.

This policy offers Rs 65 lakhs after 13 years.

Your EPF corpus is Rs 60 lakhs and will grow until retirement.

You have a term insurance plan of Rs 1.5 crore till 75 years.

Family health insurance coverage is Rs 1 crore.

2. Understand Your Financial Goals
Education funds of Rs 1 crore for your children are needed over time.
Wedding expenses of Rs 1 crore are anticipated in the future.
Retirement corpus required is Rs 3-4 crore by age 65.
3. Address High Financial Obligations
Your loans consume 68% of your salary. Prioritise early closure.
Use bonuses or increments to prepay loans.
Focus on high-interest loans first, like personal loans or high-interest EMIs.
Consider restructuring loans for lower EMIs if possible.
4. Optimize Current Investments
LIC Policy:
The annual premium of Rs 80,000 adds to your financial burden.
Surrendering this policy and reinvesting in mutual funds can yield better returns.
Consult with your Certified Financial Planner for the exact process.
TATA AIG Life Insurance:
The annual outgo of Rs 5.5 lakhs is substantial.
Evaluate the policy’s cost-benefit ratio.
Surrender the policy if returns are suboptimal. Redirect funds to mutual funds.
SIP Investment:
Continue your Rs 34,000 monthly SIP.
Diversify across equity, hybrid, and debt mutual funds.
Allocate more to equity funds for long-term goals.
5. Focus on Children’s Education and Wedding Goals
For education, start investing separately in balanced mutual funds.
Target medium-term funds that align with your child’s higher education timelines.
For weddings, allocate funds into conservative equity and hybrid funds.
Review the progress every year to ensure sufficient accumulation.
6. Build Your Retirement Corpus
Your EPF corpus of Rs 60 lakhs will grow significantly by 65.
Supplement EPF with equity SIPs for long-term growth.
Increase SIP contributions gradually as loan EMIs reduce.
Reassess your retirement needs regularly, adjusting for inflation.
7. Ensure Adequate Insurance Coverage
Your term insurance of Rs 1.5 crore is sufficient for family protection.
Maintain your Rs 1 crore health insurance for unforeseen medical expenses.
Avoid ULIPs or endowment plans for insurance; stick to term insurance.
8. Tax Planning for Maximum Savings
Claim deductions under Section 80C for PF, SIPs, and insurance premiums.
Use Section 80D for health insurance premium tax benefits.
Plan investments to reduce tax outgo and boost savings.
9. Monitor and Adjust Investments
Review your portfolio every six months.
Rebalance to maintain the right asset allocation.
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for better decisions.
10. Manage Lifestyle Expenses
Track discretionary expenses to identify areas for savings.
Avoid lifestyle inflation to increase your surplus.
Redirect savings toward investments and loan prepayments.
Finally
Your goals are achievable with disciplined planning. Start reducing obligations and focusing on efficient investments. Take guidance from a Certified Financial Planner to stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Money
Iam 48 year man , no investment yet. I need to start invest 30000 monthly in sip. Please advise.
Ans: You are taking a vital step toward financial stability. Starting SIPs of Rs 30,000 monthly is a great choice. Here's how you can maximise this opportunity:

1. Understand Your Financial Goals
Define your goals clearly.
Split goals into short-term, medium-term, and long-term categories.
For instance, goals may include retirement, children's education, or a contingency fund.
2. Emergency Fund Comes First
Build an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months' expenses.
Keep it in a liquid fund or savings account.
This ensures financial security during unexpected events.
3. Risk Assessment
Assess your risk tolerance based on age, goals, and responsibilities.
As you are 48, balance risk and returns carefully.
Avoid taking excessive risks at this stage of life.
4. Asset Allocation is Key
Allocate funds wisely between equity, debt, and hybrid mutual funds.
Equity mutual funds are ideal for long-term goals like retirement.
Debt funds suit medium-term goals like a child’s education.
Hybrid funds offer balanced growth and safety for moderate goals.
5. Select Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can outperform index funds in the Indian market.
Fund managers adapt strategies to market conditions.
This flexibility can lead to better returns compared to index funds.
6. Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
Invest Rs 30,000 monthly in a mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.
SIPs bring financial discipline and reduce market volatility impact.
Long-term SIPs benefit from the power of compounding.
7. Tax Efficiency in Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds offer lower long-term capital gains (LTCG) tax.
LTCG over Rs 1.25 lakh annually is taxed at 12.5%.
Debt funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.
Choose funds based on your tax bracket and investment horizon.
8. Regular Funds Through a CFP
Invest in regular funds with guidance from a Certified Financial Planner.
CFPs help you choose the right funds based on your goals.
Regular funds come with professional support for better management.
9. Review and Rebalance Portfolio
Review your investments every six months or annually.
Rebalance based on market changes and goal progress.
Adjust allocations to maintain an optimal risk-return balance.
10. Insure Yourself Adequately
Ensure sufficient health and life insurance coverage.
Avoid mixing investment and insurance in one product.
A term insurance policy is ideal for life cover.
11. Retirement Planning is Crucial
Invest in equity funds for long-term retirement goals.
Aim for a corpus that sustains your post-retirement lifestyle.
Consider inflation and rising healthcare costs while planning.
12. Monitor Lifestyle Inflation
Keep lifestyle inflation in check to save more.
Prioritise needs over wants to increase your savings potential.
Focus on financial discipline for a secure future.
13. Avoid Common Pitfalls
Avoid stopping SIPs during market downturns.
Do not withdraw funds prematurely without valid reasons.
Avoid emotional decisions; stick to your plan.
14. Consult a Certified Financial Planner
A CFP ensures you stay aligned with your financial objectives.
They help optimise your portfolio for better returns.
Professional guidance helps you navigate market complexities.
15. Educate Yourself About Investments
Understand the basics of mutual funds and market dynamics.
This knowledge helps you make informed decisions.
Stay updated on economic trends and fund performance.
Finally
Your initiative to invest Rs 30,000 monthly is commendable. Consistency and discipline will bring excellent results. Follow the above steps to build a robust financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1142 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
Maine msc zoology kiya hai teaching line me mujhe jyada pais nahi mil raha hai kya mai computer line jaise jetking se course karke mujhe IT engineer ban sakti hu mujhe jyada salary milegi
Ans: Hello dear.
You completed an M.Sc. (Zoology) and started a career in teaching. Only due to less money/salary, do you wish to change the career option? I think this is not good at an early stage. If the person excels in a subject like Biology then there is no problem with getting a job and a high salary. If you are well aquatinted with computers then you can run online classes for Biology or can join a branded institute where offline along with online coaching is done. To achieve this level, you have to excel in subject knowledge, communication skills, computer skills, and a sound technique to connect with the students to gain success in the teaching field. Now, looking towards your other option for joining other computer courses via any institute at this level is not recommended. To excel in IT, you need at least 5-6 years of strong exposure and need to make very hard efforts for that. It is not sure that you may get a job with a high salary. Rather, you can choose some diploma courses related to A.I. and digital Marketing, etc. where you can start your career with a moderate salary but can reach to your desired level in a short time if you master the skills.

Final suggestion: It is better to search for a job related to M.Sc. (Zoology) other than teaching if not satisfied.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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Prof Suvasish

Prof Suvasish Mukhopadhyay  |293 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
Hi everyone, I’m currently working as an Electrical Maintenance Engineer and switched in Electrical Design, focusing on earthing and lightning protection systems. My long-term career goal is to transition into Power System Design, specialize in Smart Grids, master Control Systems and Industrial Automation, and integrate Machine Learning (ML) and AI into these domains. Here are my main questions: Is switching from Electrical Maintenance to Electrical Design a good move financially and career-wise? After building expertise in earthing and lightning design, what should be my next steps to move into power system design, automation, and smart grids? How can I learn control systems and industrial automation to complement my design skills effectively? How do I incorporate ML and AI into control systems, automation, power systems, and smart grid applications?
Ans: Switching from Electrical Maintenance to Electrical Design is certainly a good move. Follow the YOU TUBE lectures and free videos of UDEMY for different topics. Also listen to NPTL lectures of the corresponding subjects which are delivered mainly by the faculties of different IITs. Application of ML and AI into control systems, automation, power systems, and smart grid applications can be discussed with senior engineers in your field. Truly speaking if possible meet some faculty of Electrical engineering of some reputed college like IITs/NITs. If you can't meet them then from the web site of the IIT/NIT find out their mail IDs and contact them by asking all the details. Best of luck. Just follow me. Professor......................................:)

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Radheshyam

Radheshyam Zanwar  |1142 Answers  |Ask -

MHT-CET, IIT-JEE, NEET-UG Expert - Answered on Jan 14, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
Hello, my son is bright in studies and is in 6th std. IGCSE cambridge board. He was doing good in olympiads till last year, but has drastically gone down this year as there's difference in curriculum. So, I am afraid that will it be difficult for him to appear in national competitive exams like jee in future, provided I am up for unrolling him in specialised coaching for the same. Should I enroll him for olympiad coaching from jow onwards which will also keep him in touch, or should I just drop the idea of national competitions.
Ans: Hello dear.
Here is the pointwise reply to your question:
(1) Don't worry at this stage. Your son is in just 6th std. He can appear to any national level exams as per his wish and preparation.
(2) Enrolling in Olympiad coaching can boost his lost confidence to some extent.
(3) There is no need to panic and stress at this very stage for dropping the idea of National Level Competitions. Just take it easy. Take every exam as simple as possible. If for any reason, your son fails to crack these exams, then nothing will go wrong. Many options in front of you will open up automatically when he is in 12th grade. Just relax, do not think much about the future, and be always with your son. Don't set any type of difficult target in front of him at this stage. Not possible for an aspirant to keep the pressure of any examination up to the next 6-7 years.

If satisfied, please like and follow me.
If dissatisfied with the reply, please ask again without hesitation.
Thanks.

Radheshyam

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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