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Feeling Guilty for Avoiding Eye Contact - 40-Year-Old Man Seeks Advice

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Ravi Mittal  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Aug 20, 2024

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therinthu Question by therinthu on Aug 19, 2024Hindi
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I am 40 year old man. Having psychological problems after coronavirus shutdown .Problem is that I am not able to talk to others looking at their eyes..even If i try to , it's just for few seconds and eyes starts to wander..to stop that , nowadays If I sense that my eyes going off contact, I look at somewhere and talk..I am feeling very guilt and making very discomfort to others or at least I think they feel discomfort .. While talking to woman, mainly making sure I should not look at theirs.. I am married and my sexual relationship is not great..every time its like forceful because my wife never shows interest and I stopped it. searching for some other options to fulfill my desire .I think this also contributes to my problem.. please advise how do I overcome my problem and be confident while talking to others.

Ans: Dear therinthu,

First of all, it's important to understand that the lockdown affected every one of us in some way or the other. Yours is a more complex mix of emotional and marital problems. Covid has left a lot of us with heightened anxiety issues and that is what might be troubling you as well. Understand that it isn't uncommon and it can be sorted with a little bit of practice. Try practicing eye contact in a less stressful situation, like with a close friend. Maintain eye contact for over five seconds, ten seconds, and so on. You can also practice in front of a mirror. When interacting with someone, focus on the conversation; focus on listening instead of thinking how you are coming off. It will take off the pressure of eye contact and reduce your anxiety.

Your marital issues might be adding to the anxiety. Try having an honest discussion with your wife. Address your problems and offer to see a marriage counselor to work on them. Individual therapies can also work. Seeking the help of a trained professional can benefit your marriage.

The pandemic has been tough on us all. Be kind to yourself.

Best Wishes.

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I am 42 years old,done B.A and B.ED.I feel anxious whenever i sit with others.Even i can't share my feelings. I am a housewife. When i cook food i feel anxious whether others will like my food or not.Each work give me anxious moment. I am married and have a adopted male child.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What will happen if someone does not like your food?
What will happen if someone does not like something that you said or did?
What will happen if someone does not like you?
That's okay...we are all entitled to our opinions, aren't we? We like something and we dislike something, we like some people and dislike a few others.
So what?
You might have to learn to accept that a few people may not like you, like what you wear, like what you cook, like what you say...and that's fine...does that change anything about who you are? NO!
Then pull yourself up and step out of this zone where you spend time feeling anxious about things that are not within your control...Learn to live with a simple fact that you maybe serving food to a person who dislikes your food...expect a few comments from them, brush it aside, take a deep breath and move on to the next thing.
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If the person genuinely means well and sharing their feedback with you, take it well as it goes a long way in your self-improvement...we are constantly learning, right?

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Hello sir , can I move abroad with a BDS degree ?What exams I have to give for qualifying to do job abroad ?
Ans: Yes, you can move forward with a Bachelor of Dental Surgery (BDS). However, to practice and obtain a license, you need to follow the guidelines of the respective country. For example, in the United States, licensure requirements are established by the state board of dentistry, also known as the board of dental examiners or licensing board. While these requirements vary by state and territory, all licensure candidates must meet three basic criteria: educational requirements, a written examination, and a clinical assessment.

1. **Educational Requirement:**
Nearly all states require a Doctor of Dental Surgery (D.D.S.) or a Doctor of Medicine in Dentistry (D.M.D.) degree from a dental education program accredited by the Commission on Dental Accreditation (CODA).

2. **Written Examination:**
All U.S. licensing jurisdictions require applicants to pass the Integrated National Board Dental Examination (INBDE). This examination, developed in response to changes in educational curricula and instructional methods, was launched in August 2020 and replaced the National Board Dental Examination (NBDE) Parts I and II.

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My child will be appearing for NEET UG 2025 for the fourth time. Each time his performance has been abysmal, which, I know, is going to be repeated this year too. We have already asked him to move ahead but he is adamant on appearing in NEET which is beyond his calibre. He doesn't have any idea what to do next, has never thought of a Plan B,C or D. Kindly guide as to how plan a career ahead for him. Is there any sort of psychoanalysis to know what is the right study option for him and where to get it done. I can't afford crores of rupees in pvt. medical colleges/abroad .I can take professional assisstance . Kindly give me contact number/ email ID. Thanks.
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Don't worry. First, it's important to counsel him.

The health sector is a promising field, which is why I believe your son is so determined to appear for the NEET exam, even though this will be his fourth attempt. It’s natural for him to feel a bit worried. I think he needs to reflect on why he hasn't been able to succeed so far. It's crucial for him to analyze where the problems lie. For example, if he's struggling with chemistry, he should focus more on that subject, as well as the others he finds challenging.

He has a lot of homework to do, including taking mock tests and learning effective strategies rather than just simple ideas.

I have one question: Has he enrolled in any study or coaching center for NEET preparation? If so, it would be beneficial to discuss ways to improve his performance.
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