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Seeking Guidance: 39-Year-Old in Difficult Marriage, Seeking to Marry Divorced Woman

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1220 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 29, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi.i am 39 years married man.with a 16 year son.i have a major issue with my wife for a couple of years.due to which I want to divorce her and marry a women.but to due to circumstances I am not been able to get things done properly.so my finished condition is not very strong n and no proper support from my family also I love a woman who is divorced and having a 9 year old daughter.and want to get married to her immediately.please advice on this.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am sorry, i absolutely do not understand what problem you are facing?
- finished condition is not strong?
- major issue with your wife is?
- no proper support from family in what situation?

Only when you can share these details, will I be able to make a suggestion to guide your further.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1220 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 13, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 12, 2023Hindi
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I have second marriage and staying 9 years. Now my age is 50 years, and my wife age is 40. I have one child years of years 6. I am in a managerial Position in a company. My wife is a Housewife and her behavior's, misconduct, lack of ownership towards me as well as home is always upset and irritate me. My child was born by IFV method due to her irregular period. She has got many opportunities to recover this problem and treatment also got an early-stage life. Due to lack of her understanding and knowledge, lack of own effort, irresponsible and liar nature, did not overcome her problem and therefore, we cannot go for second baby. Now me and my son also suffer from 2nd baby, though I have sufficient resource to look two children. I need to monitor all the things of my son’s health, extracurricular activity, education etc. She also neglects my mother. I feel she is very quality less and very dirty woman and talking valueless, not concern with health of own as well as other family member. Therefore, I and my wife staying in same home, but from last 4 years I have been separated from my wife and living in separate room. Sometimes I think to separate from my wife, but it may affect relation with my son as well as his mental condition. I am trying to adopt a second child also. I found she is not concern with quality, health, and economy. Therefore, I need to do home marketing, finance, monitoring home, health etc. which has already affected at my career also. Please advise me what to do? I feel my future is very dark with my wife. No emotions, no love and intimacy in the relation. I do regular walking & jogging and gardening is also my hobby.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
When you seem to have decided that your wife is not going to change, no matter what happens, you will not be able to see that change. Everything about her will be irritating and annoying.
Now you say that she could have done something to avoid IVF, but why are you not thankful that you have a child now.
Having another child as well has to be the choice of both parents. Does your wife want another baby? Just by having money to support the child is not enough. You also need to have the mental and physical ability and willingness to raise another child. Also, do you think it is wise to have another child with the current relationship challenges with your wife?
There seems to be some assumptions that you have made about your wife which could have happened due to misunderstandings and arguments over years. It is definitely from both sides. But since, you are writing in...I can only address your concerns...Obviously her lack of interest in the family also suggests that she also seems to have her challenges.
So, before anything else...first work on having a better marriage and this is a suggestion for both of you! You can eat the fruit from a tree without first planting the seed for the tree to grow.

Seek the help of a professional if you can so that both of you can first learn how to communicate with each other and then settles your differences and then you can start planning a brighter future. Continue with your exercise and always try to look for what's positive in your life. It helps to tide over challenges and have a better outlook towards life!

All the best!

..Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  | Answer  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 10, 2024

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Relationship
HI MY NAME SRINITHI AM DIVORCE PERSON I HAVE ONE D/O 9 YR OLD .. AM STAY WITH SINGLE BUT MY MIND CHANGED . I NEED MARRIAGE FOR MIND
Ans: Hello Srinithi, it's understandable that your feelings and priorities can change over time. If you're considering marriage again for companionship and emotional fulfillment, here are some suggestions to navigate this process:

Reflect on Your Needs:

Take some time to reflect on what you're looking for in a partner and in a marriage. Consider your values, priorities, and the qualities you find important in a potential spouse.
Communicate with Your Child:

If you haven't already, have an open and honest conversation with your 9-year-old daughter about your feelings and intentions. Ensure she feels comfortable and secure with the idea of you entering into a new relationship.
Build a Support System:

Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate the process of seeking a new relationship.
Take It Slow:

When you feel ready to explore the possibility of a new relationship, take things at a comfortable pace. Get to know potential partners gradually and allow relationships to develop naturally.
Be Honest About Your Past:

When entering into a new relationship, be open and honest about your past, including your divorce. Clear communication is crucial for building trust and understanding.
Consider Professional Support:

If you find it challenging to navigate these emotions on your own, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist who can help you explore your feelings and guide you through the process.
Set Boundaries:

Clearly define your boundaries and priorities in a new relationship. Understand what you're looking for and what you're willing to compromise on. This will help you make decisions that align with your values.
Stay True to Yourself:

Remember to stay true to your own needs and desires. Don't feel pressured to enter into a new relationship unless it feels right for you.
It's important to prioritize your well-being and the well-being of your child as you consider a new chapter in your life. Taking things step by step, being open in communication, and seeking support can help you navigate this journey more smoothly.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1220 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu! I am 46 yrs old. I am married and have two daughters. I fell in love with a woman of 3-4 yrs younger to me, around 8 yrs ago. She was not happy with her marriage and she took divorce as I helped her to come over her trauma. It was very fine relationship between both of us. Now she is asking me to give divorce to my wife and to get marry with her. I really love my wife and her also, b'coz she also loves me so much and so do I. What to do now as my wife doesn't want to accept her and neither she wants to accept my wife.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No man would want to be where you are; seriously!
Now, how you got yourself in this mess is anybody's guess...but for the sake of your family (things are going well for you), make a decision that works best for everyone; at least in the long term. (It is ethically not right for me to make a decision for you).

It maybe unfair to either of the women and you are going to have to bear the consequences...
Now, I am not judging you or what you have done but you obviously knew all along that being in love with the other lady was a choice...also, now the expectation that she has from you is something that is uncomfortable to you.
Did she ever get this message from you that if she divorced her husband, that you will also divorce your wife and join her?
More than love, this has become neediness with demands...

Bottom line: Make a decision, stick by it and also help either of them tide over this! You owe them both that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

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Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |553 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 18, 2024Hindi
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Career
My daughter wants to do her media communication for her PG course. She is particular about UK. Can you suggest any good college/University? Presently she is in St.Josephs college of commerce, Bangalore. Doing her final year UG. Please advise
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am happy to hear that your daughter is presently studying in the final year of her undergraduate degree at St. Josephs College of Commerce after which she intends pursuing a postgraduate course in Media Communication particularly in the UK. You would be glad to know that there are several prominent universities in the UK that offer postgraduate courses in Media Communication. Your daughter can consider applying to University of Leeds, which provides a vast array of media-related courses, and London School of Economics and Political Science (LSE) which is renowned for the Media and Communications program it offers. She can also think about applying to Goldsmiths, University of London, which is well-known for creative and cultural studies. Besides the ones mentioned above, your daughter can also consider applying to Cardiff University which is renowned for journalism and media studies, and University of Westminster which offers robust media programs. Bear in mind that each of these universities are internationally acclaimed, have outstanding linkages with industry, and offer a dynamic global student body.

For more information, you can visit our website: www.edwiseinternational.com

You can also follow us on our Instagram page: edwiseint

...Read more

T S Khurana

T S Khurana   |150 Answers  |Ask -

Tax Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Money
After a period of hospitalization, a Pensioner with taxable salary expired before filing the ITR. As per a regd Will, the heir took initiatives and as a preliminary act, the death certificate was submitted in the bank and the pension was stopped. Now to clear the formalities, the bank is asking for legal heir certificate(LHC) from the revenue dept. The revenue department is asking for the original registered Will in order to issue the LHC. The Will is in the above bank locker and the Bank will not allow to open and take out the original Will unless the LHC is produced. The Bank has also declined to provide the Form16 and Form 16A which would have helped in filing the already belated ITR for FY23-24. In short, the apparent heir is trapped in a "Chakravyuh". Is there any way out? Please advise.
Ans: 01. Please find your father's tax details from Income Tax site (AIS, TIS & Form 26AS). Add the details which you have from his bank accounts & other relevent documents available with the family.
Compute his Income Tax liability & pay tax on his behalf.
This will clear your tax liability.
You also need to file his ITR, as a representative assessee. However, this may require certain formalities, if you can complete. Otherwise, wait for the registered will & then proceed.
02. You can get a copy of Registered WILL of your father, from the Registrar's Office, where it was Registered. You can then proceed further to process/settle your other issues.
Most welcome for any further clarifications. Thanks.

...Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |7 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Money
Please advice on my portfolio. I'm 50 years old married freelancer with no children so end up doing investments through STP's. Right now I have 1 crore in ICICI Agressive Hybrid, 1 crore in HDFC Balanced Advantage, 50 lakh PMS with ICICI Contra, 50 Lakh PMS with Abbakus. 30 Lakhs HDFC Mid Cap. 30 Lakhs Oswal Business Cycle. Apart from that I have 20 lakhs in PPF. Please advice
Ans: Hi Saket,

Your portfolio is a mix of investments across MFs, PMS and PPF.
Assuming PMS is all equity, the asset allocation reflects approximately an 80:20 ratio in Equity:Debt respectively, which seems fine.
As your objectives or goals are not available, it would be difficult to indicate if they suit your profile.

Most of the MF schemes mentioned are fine with a good track record. The exception is the Business Cycle scheme - this is a new scheme and being sectoral it will attract very high risk, its approximately 10% of your portfolio value so continue if you understand the risk.
Alternately you can consider a Flexi-cap or Multi-cap MF scheme that are well diversified and for a 7+ years of time horizon.

PMS services - if your experience with the PMS services are good and they meet your expectations for returns, then do continue.

PPF - plan to utilize it as a tax efficient instrument to withdraw funds at the time of retirement. Continue to contribute max possible and complete lock-in period of 15 years and keep extending the account with contributions. Over the next 10-15 years you can accumulate a good corpus which will be completely tax free for withdrawal.

An observation/suggestion as its not indicated - As you are freelancer, suggest emergency funds - please plan to have at least 6-9 months expenses in an investment which has high liquidity and safety e.g. FDs. In extreme eventualities like the pandemic or a personal crisis, this fund can support the immediate needs.

As you are going to be moving towards your retirement in a decade or so, I recommend you contact a Certified Financial Planner who can add value to your portfolio and provide a personalized evaluation and guidance taking into consideration your family profile, goals and requirement of the future while assessing risk and tax efficiency.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Janak

Janak Patel  |7 Answers  |Ask -

MF, PF Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

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Money
I bought an apartment in Delhi in the year 2002 for 5 lacs (own funds) Plus 15 lacs bank loan for 15 years at interest rate of 10%. Now want to sell it for199 lacs. Please advise on following 1. How to work out cost of acquisition considering interest paid on bank loan and expenses incurred from time to time to upkeep the flat around 5 lacs. I don't have bank interest certificate. 2. What will be capital gains tax calculation if I sell it now with both options old v/s new. Please advise. Raghav.
Ans: Hi Neeta / Raghav,

At the high level the below should help you.

1. Cost of acquisition can include the purchase price and the cost of improvement, so the upkeep expenses to maintain the property cannot be consider, but if you made any form of addition/alterations to the property then you can include it.
The interest paid on loan is eligible for tax benefits, it cannot be included in the cost of acquisition.

2. Old Rule - using the CII for calculations indicate Capital gains of Rs130 lacs, the capital gains tax (20% on difference after indexation) works out to be approximately Rs26 lacs. Note exact dates of purchase/sale will determine the CII values to be used, assumed FY2002-3 and FY2024-25 for now.
New Rule (2024 budget) - Capital gains = difference of sale and cost price i.e. Rs179 lacs, tax of 12.5% on it is approximately Rs22 lacs.

Note - you can add/reduce the cost/sale price with expense incurred in transacting the property e.g. brokerage.

Options to save tax on the Capital gains amount
1. Reinvest in another residential property within 1 year prior and 2 years after sale date or construct within 3 years after sale date.
2. Invest in NHAI bonds - has lock-in period and the interest earned is taxable.

Please contact a CFP or a Tax consultant for further guidance.

Regards
Janak Patel
Certified Financial Planner.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6689 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Money
Please review my MF Portfolio Sir....Bandhan Small Cap Fund - 11000, Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund -15500, Kotak emerging equity Fund - 7000, Tata digital Fund - 7000, Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund - 12000, HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund - 12500, With setp up of 10% every year. is this portfolio Good ?? should I change something ?? Also, I want to start another 5000 SIP, which fund should I go for ?. My age is 28 yrs My goal is wealth creation, i can invest for long term. As of now I don't have any urgency
Ans: I’m glad to see you’ve taken active steps towards wealth creation. At 28, with a long-term investment horizon and no immediate need for liquidity, you’re well-positioned to build substantial wealth through disciplined investments.

Let’s evaluate your portfolio and offer insights for further improvements, including recommendations for your new SIP.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Your portfolio reflects a diverse range of funds, which is essential for reducing risks and optimizing growth. Here's a detailed evaluation of each component:

1. Bandhan Small Cap Fund – Rs 11,000
Small-cap funds have high growth potential but are also highly volatile. It’s great for wealth creation over the long term, but ensure you're prepared for volatility in the short term.

You’ve allocated 16% of your current SIP to small caps. That’s reasonable given your age and long investment horizon.

2. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund – Rs 15,500
This is a flexi-cap fund, which means it can invest in large, mid, and small caps based on market conditions. These funds offer a good balance of risk and reward.

With about 22% of your SIP allocated here, it adds diversification to your portfolio. This fund provides the flexibility to adjust to market conditions, which can be a key strength.

3. Kotak Emerging Equity Fund – Rs 7,000
Mid-cap funds like this have the potential to offer high returns with moderate risk. Mid-caps often strike a balance between the stability of large caps and the growth potential of small caps.

Your allocation of 10% to mid-cap is fine for your long-term goal, as these funds can generate wealth if held for 7-10 years.

4. Tata Digital Fund – Rs 7,000
A sectoral fund like this focuses on the digital or technology sector, which can be lucrative. However, such funds tend to be highly volatile and depend on the sector's performance.

While sectoral funds can provide high returns, their risks are high due to concentrated exposure. It's a good idea to limit your exposure here, and you’ve done well by keeping it at around 10%.

5. Motilal Oswal Midcap Fund – Rs 12,000
Another mid-cap fund in your portfolio, this allocation increases your exposure to mid-caps. While mid-caps have good growth potential, too much concentration in this category can amplify risk.

You’ve allocated 17% to mid-caps overall, which is slightly on the higher side. You may want to reduce this exposure slightly to balance your risk.

6. HDFC Balanced Advantage Fund – Rs 12,500
Balanced Advantage Funds (BAFs) dynamically manage the portfolio between equity and debt. This ensures lower volatility while giving reasonable returns.

Having 18% of your portfolio in a BAF adds stability and cushions against market fluctuations. This is an excellent choice for long-term wealth creation with moderate risk.

Diversification and Risk Management
Your portfolio is diversified across different types of equity funds—small-cap, mid-cap, flexi-cap, and sectoral funds. However, there’s a concentration of mid-cap and small-cap exposure, which could increase risk during market downturns. Since you are aiming for long-term wealth creation, I recommend a more balanced allocation.

Steps to Improve Diversification:

Reduce Sectoral Exposure: The Tata Digital Fund's high concentration in one sector can increase risk. You may want to limit sectoral funds to 5-7% of your overall portfolio.

Balance Mid-Cap Exposure: You’ve invested in two mid-cap funds. Consider reducing one to moderate your overall risk exposure.

Adding Another SIP of Rs 5,000
You mentioned starting a new Rs 5,000 SIP. Given your long-term horizon and focus on wealth creation, here’s what I suggest for further diversification:

1. Large-Cap Fund
Adding a large-cap fund will bring more stability to your portfolio. Large-cap funds tend to be less volatile and provide consistent returns, especially during market downturns.

This can act as a safety net, balancing the volatility of your small and mid-cap funds.

2. Hybrid or Dynamic Allocation Fund
If you're looking for more stability, you might consider adding a balanced or hybrid fund to your portfolio. These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, which can stabilize your portfolio during market fluctuations.

A hybrid fund would complement your existing BAF and reduce overall portfolio risk.

3. International Equity Fund
You can also consider diversifying internationally by adding an international equity fund. These funds provide exposure to global markets and help diversify country-specific risks.

This can help balance the portfolio if Indian markets face periods of stagnation.

Disadvantages of Index and Direct Funds
Since you've opted for actively managed funds, I want to reinforce that you're on the right track. Index funds, although lower in cost, are passive and do not have the potential for outperformance in dynamic markets. In contrast, actively managed funds offer better opportunities as professional fund managers constantly analyze the market to maximize returns.

Also, it's wise to invest through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) who can guide you based on your financial goals and risk profile. While direct funds may save on expense ratios, they often lack personalized advice, which can cost you in the long term.

Final Insights
Your current portfolio has a solid foundation for long-term wealth creation, with a strong emphasis on small and mid-cap funds for growth. However, it would benefit from some adjustments to balance risk and improve diversification.

Consider reducing your sectoral and mid-cap exposure slightly to manage volatility.

Adding a large-cap or hybrid fund to your new SIP will provide more stability.

Investing for the long term with periodic reviews will ensure you stay aligned with your goals.

Stay disciplined with your investments, increase your SIPs regularly as planned, and avoid frequent changes. With a long-term vision and the right fund selection, your portfolio can grow significantly over time.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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