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Anu

Anu Krishna  |986 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 24, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

Hi Anu! I am 46 yrs old. I am married and have two daughters. I fell in love with a woman of 3-4 yrs younger to me, around 8 yrs ago. She was not happy with her marriage and she took divorce as I helped her to come over her trauma. It was very fine relationship between both of us. Now she is asking me to give divorce to my wife and to get marry with her. I really love my wife and her also, b'coz she also loves me so much and so do I. What to do now as my wife doesn't want to accept her and neither she wants to accept my wife.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No man would want to be where you are; seriously!
Now, how you got yourself in this mess is anybody's guess...but for the sake of your family (things are going well for you), make a decision that works best for everyone; at least in the long term. (It is ethically not right for me to make a decision for you).

It maybe unfair to either of the women and you are going to have to bear the consequences...
Now, I am not judging you or what you have done but you obviously knew all along that being in love with the other lady was a choice...also, now the expectation that she has from you is something that is uncomfortable to you.
Did she ever get this message from you that if she divorced her husband, that you will also divorce your wife and join her?
More than love, this has become neediness with demands...

Bottom line: Make a decision, stick by it and also help either of them tide over this! You owe them both that!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |986 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 03, 2023

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I'M 40 years old man, i have had troubled childhood. I faced abuse from my elder brother who later on developed mental health issues whiich broughg lot of stress to the family. I worked very hard to achieve reasonable professional success but my personal life has been very difficult. I got married with lot of difficulty despite being well placed professionally and decent looks. It was an arranged marriage but things went bad after a year. I caught my wife having an affair with her ex but i fogave her for the sake of myndaugher who was just 1 year old then. She keept on having flings with gym instructor and later on her colleagues which i dont have any proof of. She would humilate me in front of my maid driver and other people. But i wanted ti save my marriage for the sake of my daughter who was only 4-5 years old then. Finally she started asking me for divorce after every trivial fights. Fed up i finally agreed and we separated in 2021 November. During that time i came in contact with my school friend. She proposed to me during our school days but due to stress at home and other issues i said no but i always liked her. When we started talking around December 2021 and we realized we still love each other after 20 years. But problem was though i was divorced she was still married and she is from a different religion. She is trying hard to get separated from her husband but her family being very conservative is not allowing her to do so. I'm stuck with her emotionally. Now my ex-wife has started approaching me for reconciliation. Im totally confused now what should i do? Should i wait for my friend knowing that chances are very slim that her family would leave her. Or should i patch up with my exwife for the sake of my daughter. I dont feel any emotional connection with my exwife now as she was never nice to me. But my parents are telling me to go for patch up. They are nkt aware about my school friend and i doubt they would approve her due to religious beliefs. Pls guide me I'm totally confused. Thanks A confused Homo Sapiens
Ans: Dear Pratik,
At this point in time, choose neither. You need space to clear your head first.
Too many emotional situations to jump into one more...Give yourself time to figure out what is that you want out of life?
Do you want to get into another commitment in a short gap? It could be an attraction on a rebound as well; so take time to figure these things out well before you decide to patch up or wait for your friend.
You deserve this time off, to make sure that you not only heal from the marriage but also put things in perspective.
So no need to bring on a new confusion for the time being till you get strong enough in the mind to decide the next course of your life. Making a choice right now means you will be bringing in more confusions of either of the two women into your life as well. So, PAUSE and take this time...

Best wishes!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 09, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, Iam 42 and married for last 12 years with two kids. Due to the scuffles between us my wife left me with kids and have been living away for last 4 years. During this time, a girl of, 15 years younger to me, came in my life and I found a true soul mate in her, may be due to the void which was created because of my wife leaving me. Last year that girl got married to someone else, as she has already planned and conveyed to me right in the beginning of our relationship. In, last one year, my wife is also trying to come close to me, as I have been bearing all their expenses and have been trying to be a good and reasonable father and husband (though I myself is pretty lonely, after my girl's departure) and my wife and kids are now finding me to be a great and responsible man. But me, at the deep down level, is drowning every single day and finding it unbearable to live without my girl. Do not know what to do. That girl is living happily with her husband and planning for the kids. At the same time, she on and off calls me and ask for the monetary favours, which I have been fulfilling even after her marriage. Iam broken and helpless. Kindly help.
Ans: That girl is only in touch with you for the monetary favours. If you have a chance at keeping your family together, please take it. Don’t be taken advantage of by someone who went off and married someone else. She’s young and smart, and knows how to take advantage of you…and you’re letting her. Also, it may benefit you to visit a therapist regularly for some time and talk through your problems in private. Get all this off your chest so you can focus on your own family.

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |986 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 19, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 47 year old. I have 2 kids one is in adolescent in age and other is 8 y.o. I and my wife are very much comfort and enjoy sex life since inception of our marriage. But, from last 7 years, i am in relation with a beautiful girl, whom i met as a sex worker, when she was 24. Her only source of income is her work (i.e., sex work). She is astonishingly beautiful. I went mad after since the day i met her. thought i could not do sex at first time, i did it in the next time and till now we mated just 7 times. She is epilepsy patient and she is very serious about her family. She has to look after her mother, a younger sister who is studying Law and two of her sister's kids ( her sister died ). She asks me for help whenever she falls short of money. She went to dubai in 2018, and continued her work there. I asked her to leave her job and assured a good income source and a respectful life. She hesitated to concur on my plan. The whole issue is known to my wife. She married an Indian residing in Dubai recently but for her bad luck, he is untraceable from 2 monhts in a war proned country. Now, she asked my help again after 8 months. we both were not in touch in these days. I lent her my helping hand again and expressed if she would have married me, i would have kept her happy. She loves me a lot, but since i am a married man, she does not want to create problem in my married life. I can convince my wife about her, but she (girlfriend) is not ready for it for the fear of my wife. I just can't imagine my life without her. that much i love her. I don't wish to destroy her married life either. If she gets her husband back, i will be happy, but i will be living in her memory forever, as i just cannot expect my life without her. I need your suggestion. whether to come out of her relation or continue if her hubby misses forever.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You do realize the mess that you are creating for yourself, your wife and this lady?
Do you really think it is possible to live in harmony with all these complications and then there's an absconding husband at the other end?
Be sane about the whole thing and focus on what's important to you...Your children need a stable family environment and you do not need to be told how crucial this is for them given their age...And just because your wife isn't complaining that does not mean, you just overlook what all this must be doing to her. Put your life back together and leave some things alone to sort themselves out...

All the best!

..Read more

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Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |238 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I am dealing with brkup its been 2 months its mutual because he is bhramin his parents will not allow intercaste and for me its not possible to settle in place where he lives . its almost 3-4 year of relationship from my age of 18 he was there with my i lost my father during corona he took care of me , he stayed by my side he is not upto the mark but still he is always there for me after that i leave that state where both we stayed and we did long distance for 2 years but now as he come to know his parents are way more strict he dont want to hurts his parents and even my reason that i have to compromise lot carrrer difference and all. As i lost my father at age of 18 i cry lot every one day gap during my relationship also i was so anxious , and some times due to family problems i always used to be disturbed and dont want to live sometimeslike sucidal thoughts and all but at the time of relationship i share all this to him and i feel okay and got back to my study as he motivates me little . but now after brkup i dont have any real friends , i cant talk to any one neither any person messeges me my depression is becoming more big now we are in no contact for some days but again we talk and again we are in no contact he feels like he is in guilt becos he hurted me and made me miserable also he dont think about any other relation ship whatever his parents will bring he will do but for me not that case becos we dont have nay guardian i have to in my own actually we are not that big for marriage but we thought of future more and brkup becos of i have to find some one right we are 21 also my campus placements are coming his neet pg is coming but my heart cries every day i feel choked , i cried , choked and hurt my head it happens often but i still think we can not talk becos how can we move on from some body we talk but my depression at peak level i msg him with bigtext with all that goin on my life. should we talk ? as their is no rush to find other person we have to first focus on career how can we set boundaries? though if i talk i mak eme feel someone i can talk and make me releif at the sam etime it hurts if i dont talk also its hurts more as i ahve no one to talk with . he insisted me that we can be friends i can see u like this he wants me to be happy he feel he did the sin to me. Pls tell what will be good for me how can i be little releif what should i should i talk treat or my depression how ?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I am very sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is tough. I am also glad you found someone to share your pain with at that moment. Coming to your dilemma- whether you should be in touch with him- I understand that it is a great relief to talk to him, but that is momentary, isn't it? You cannot continue doing this if you two are broken up. Even though he is not planning to get married right away, the problem is that he will someday. Plus, more often than not, one person moves on faster than the other, and in your case, if it's him, it will hurt more. The right thing to do is sit and have a clear conversation. Discuss the possibility of getting back together. Ask what is in his mind and express what's in yours. But going in this circle will only hurt you more; maybe not today, but someday it will.

Now, coming to your depression, I would suggest sharing your pain with close friends but you mentioned you have none. That is not uncommon. Not all of us are blessed with it. In that case, I recommend seeing a professional therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it. Rather it will help you in sorting your feelings. Finally, you can take care of them without relying on your ex. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job in managing your depression but a professional counselor can help you come out of this in a more structured way. Please consider it. If you are not comfortable seeing someone in person, there are several counselors available online. Just try it once and see how that makes you feel.

Remember we all need help occasionally. You are amazing and you do not have to hold everything together alone.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |4083 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 28, 2024Hindi
Money
I am 27 year old female. I have a one year old son. My husband and I earn 120000 per month. We have monthly sips of 50000. How do you suggest we allocate the funds in order to achieve our goals of buying a house and our son's higher education
Ans: Your commitment to saving and investing Rs 50,000 per month is commendable. Balancing current financial responsibilities while planning for future goals like buying a house and securing your son’s higher education is crucial. Let's outline a comprehensive plan to achieve these goals.

Compliments and Appreciation

Firstly, congratulations on your disciplined savings habit and commitment to your financial goals. It's impressive to see such foresight and dedication to securing your family's future. Your approach to systematic investment planning (SIPs) is a strong foundation for achieving your financial objectives.

Understanding Your Goals

Before diving into fund allocation, it's important to clearly define your financial goals. You have two primary goals: buying a house and funding your son's higher education. Both goals have different timelines and financial requirements.

Buying a House

Purchasing a house is a significant financial commitment. Determine the time frame for this goal. If you plan to buy a house in the next 5-10 years, you need a strategy to accumulate the down payment and manage the EMIs.

Son’s Higher Education

Your son’s higher education is another crucial goal. Considering the rising cost of education, it's essential to start early. You have about 17 years to build a substantial corpus for this purpose.

Current Financial Situation

You and your husband earn Rs 1,20,000 per month. With Rs 50,000 allocated to SIPs, you have Rs 70,000 remaining for other expenses and savings. It's important to maintain a balanced approach to ensure you meet both your short-term and long-term goals.

Risk Tolerance and Investment Horizon

Assess your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Given your age and the long-term nature of your goals, you can afford to take more risks. Equity-oriented investments are suitable for long-term growth but should be balanced with some debt investments to reduce risk.

Diversification

Diversifying your investments is crucial. It spreads risk across different asset classes and sectors, reducing the impact of any single investment’s poor performance. A well-diversified portfolio balances risk and return effectively.

Allocating Funds for House Purchase

To buy a house, you need to accumulate a down payment. Here’s how you can allocate your SIPs for this goal:

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds. They offer higher returns over the long term, helping you accumulate the required amount faster. However, they come with higher risk, so diversify across large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds.

Debt Mutual Funds: Allocate a smaller portion to debt mutual funds. They provide stability and reduce overall portfolio risk. These funds are less volatile and provide steady returns.

Short-term Debt Instruments: As you approach your goal, shift a portion of your equity investments to short-term debt instruments. This protects your corpus from market volatility.

Allocating Funds for Son’s Higher Education

For your son’s higher education, a long-term investment strategy is essential. Here’s how you can allocate your SIPs for this goal:

Equity Mutual Funds: Given the long investment horizon, allocate a significant portion to equity mutual funds. They offer higher returns, and the power of compounding can significantly grow your investments over time. Focus on diversified equity funds to spread risk.

Child Education Plans: Consider child-specific mutual funds or education plans. These funds are tailored to meet the future education expenses of children. They come with a lock-in period, ensuring disciplined savings.

Balanced Funds: Allocate a smaller portion to balanced or hybrid funds. These funds invest in both equity and debt instruments, providing a balanced approach to risk and return.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds

Direct funds have lower expense ratios as they do not involve intermediaries. However, they require more active management and market knowledge. Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers professional guidance, helping you navigate complex market conditions effectively.

Disadvantages of Index Funds

Index funds may seem attractive due to their lower expense ratios, but they merely track the market. They do not offer the potential for higher returns that actively managed funds can provide. Actively managed funds have fund managers who make strategic decisions to outperform the market.

Emergency Fund

Before aggressively investing, ensure you have an emergency fund. It should cover 6-12 months of your expenses. This fund acts as a financial cushion during unexpected situations, ensuring you don’t have to withdraw from your investments prematurely.

Insurance Coverage

Ensure adequate health and life insurance coverage. Health insurance protects against high medical expenses, while life insurance secures your family’s financial future in your absence. Consider term insurance for higher coverage at lower premiums.

Monitoring and Reviewing Investments

Regularly monitor and review your investments. Market conditions and personal circumstances change over time. A yearly review with a Certified Financial Planner can help ensure your investments remain aligned with your goals.

Financial Discipline

Financial discipline is crucial for long-term success. Consistently invest through SIPs, avoid unnecessary expenses, and focus on saving and investing. This disciplined approach will help you achieve your financial goals.

Tax Efficiency

Mutual fund investments offer tax benefits, especially equity-oriented funds. Long-term capital gains (held for more than one year) from equity funds are taxed at a lower rate. Additionally, ELSS (Equity Linked Savings Scheme) funds offer tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.

Creating a Financial Plan

Creating a comprehensive financial plan is essential. It involves setting clear financial goals, assessing risk tolerance, diversifying investments, and regularly reviewing and adjusting the plan. A Certified Financial Planner can help create and maintain a robust financial plan.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

Common investment mistakes include withdrawing investments prematurely, lack of diversification, and not accounting for inflation. Avoid these pitfalls by sticking to the investment plan, diversifying the portfolio, and regularly reviewing the financial plan.

Retirement Planning

While focusing on these goals, don’t neglect retirement planning. Allocate a portion of your investments towards retirement. The earlier you start, the more you benefit from compounding. Consider a mix of equity and debt investments for long-term growth and stability.

Benefits of Starting Early

Starting early provides a significant advantage due to the power of compounding. Even small, regular investments can grow substantially over time. The earlier you start, the more your money will work for you.

Role of Certified Financial Planner

A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice and help optimize your investment strategy. They offer expert guidance, portfolio management, and ensure your financial goals are met effectively.

Future Income Streams

Consider other potential income streams in addition to mutual funds. These could include part-time work, consulting, or freelance opportunities. Diversifying income sources can provide additional financial security.

Building Wealth Over Time

Wealth creation is a long-term process. Staying invested, being patient, and avoiding panic during market volatility are key. Stick to the investment plan, make adjustments as needed, and let the power of compounding work over time.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP)

In the future, if you need regular income from your investments, you can opt for a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). SWP allows investors to withdraw a fixed amount regularly, providing a steady income stream.

Final Insights

Your disciplined approach to saving and investing is commendable. By continuing your SIPs, diversifying your investments, and regularly reviewing your financial plan, you can achieve your goals of buying a house and securing your son’s higher education. Encourage regular discussions with a Certified Financial Planner to optimize your strategy and stay on track. Your dedication and foresight will ensure a financially secure future for your family.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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