Am 39 years I failed to get someone to get married to what should I do

Ans: The more you look desperately, the fewer chances there are, unless you go for an arranged match. Take life as it happens, and stop looking for love — let it come to you. Don’t try too hard with women you meet, that is the biggest turn-off.

Ans: It’s completely okay to have taken time figuring out what you wanted in life. Sometimes we don’t move forward simply because we weren’t ready, or we lacked the clarity or emotional support needed at the time. But that doesn't mean you're behind. Everyone’s timeline is different, and yours is still very much unfolding.

Now that you're feeling ready for a serious relationship, here are a few steps you can take to approach this new chapter with confidence and self-awareness.

Start with clarity. Reflect on what kind of partner you're looking for—not just in terms of age or background, but emotionally and mentally. What values matter to you? What kind of connection are you seeking? Are you open to someone who has been married before? Children? When you’re clear, it becomes easier to recognize the right person when they appear.

At the same time, look inward. Do some emotional housekeeping. Ask yourself: What kind of partner do I want to be? Am I emotionally available? Am I still carrying regret, fear, or pressure about being “late” to marriage? Because entering a relationship out of guilt or urgency often leads to settling. But entering it from a place of self-respect and genuine desire creates something meaningful.

Since you're actively searching, it’s okay to use all tools at your disposal—matrimonial sites, family networks, friends, or even a good matchmaker if culturally appropriate. But be patient and realistic. Finding someone who is also ready, aligned with your values, and emotionally compatible can take time.

Also, try not to let pressure—internal or external—rush you. You don’t need a "perfect" partner; you need someone who sees you, respects you, and is willing to grow with you.

And here’s something to hold on to: many people find love in their 40s, 50s, even later—and those relationships are often more conscious, mature, and fulfilling, because they’re built on real-life experience and emotional wisdom, not just youthful impulse.

Ans: First, be clear within yourself about what you truly seek — not just "no past baggage" but also shared values, lifestyle compatibility, emotional maturity, and a sense of peace when you're with him. You’re not just choosing a partner — you’re choosing a future that aligns with the person you’ve grown into.

Since you are specific about the community and the absence of children from a previous marriage, you may need to be strategic but open in where you look. Along with trusted matrimonial platforms (you may try both community-based ones and modern curated matchmaking services), also let friends or extended family you trust know that you’re open to exploring proposals — sometimes word-of-mouth alliances bring surprisingly good connections.

While choosing, don’t just assess background or profession — give time to observe his emotional depth, communication style, respect for your past, and how he responds to small differences or stress. These are the real foundations for peace and partnership.

Also, give yourself permission to set boundaries without guilt. You are not obligated to compromise your standards just because it’s a second marriage or because of age. You deserve companionship, not adjustment.

And perhaps most importantly, don’t let societal timelines cloud your confidence. You are 39, not late — just clearer than before. Be honest, hopeful, and patient with yourself.

Ans: Dear Nyangoma,
I understand that you feel defeated right now, and that feeling is completely valid but trust me, you have not failed. Not everyone’s love story starts at the same time or follows the same pattern. I am sure you will find someone who is perfect for you soon. I suggest trying dating apps. A quick research will show you which apps cater to people looking for serious relationships and have more users in your age range. Once you figure that out, you can set up your profile and write an interesting bio, citing all your unique qualities and quirks upfront. I recommend adding your preference in a partner, what you expect from the relationship and what you bring to the table. This will attract the right kind of people and save you time and energy. Online dating will give you a little more control and a lot more options.

Best Wishes.