Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |59 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 05, 2023

P Question by P on Apr 05, 2023
Relationship

Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do

Ans: Dear P
Dear P

Big hugs

It sounds like you are in a very difficult and complex situation. Your husband's behavior towards you is not acceptable, and it is understandable that you feel hurt and unsupported in your marriage. It is also understandable that you have feelings for someone from your past who has always been respectful of your marriage and who now wants to be with you.

However, it's important to remember that any decision you make will have consequences, and it's important to carefully consider all the potential outcomes before making a choice. It's also important to think about what is best for you and your son, as well as for the other people involved.

Here are a few things to consider:

Talk to a professional: It may be helpful to speak with a therapist or counselor to help you sort through your feelings and make a decision that is right for you. A professional can provide an objective perspective and help you explore your options.

Think about your priorities: Consider what is most important to you in your life. Do you want to prioritize your own happiness and pursue a relationship with the person you love, or do you want to prioritize your family and the stability of your current living situation?

Consider the impact on your son: Think about how any decision you make will impact your son. Will he be able to adjust to a new living situation, and how will he be affected by your decision to leave your current marriage?

Talk to your husband: If you haven't already, it may be helpful to have an honest conversation with your husband about how his behavior has made you feel and what you need from him in order to feel supported and respected in your marriage.

Think about the long-term: Consider the long-term implications of any decision you make. How will it impact your financial situation, your relationships with family members, and your own emotional well-being?

Ultimately, the decision about what to do is yours, and it's important to make a choice that feels right for you. Just remember to take your time, think carefully, and seek support from those you trust.

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Anu

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 06, 2021

Relationship
I am in a very difficult situation I am not getting what to do so I am writing you this mail for your suggestion. I was in love from 6years our love life was very good . We were very happy and promised to get married also but suddenly my boyfriend said we can’t marry because of his family issues so I accepted that with a big heart. He asked me to marry another guy I accepted that also. And after some days my marriage got fixed with another guy and I got married also. But soon after my marriage my boyfriend realised my love and started crying. He started calling me and soon after 2 days of my marriage he was continuously calling me and this created a very big problem. My husband saw his calls and msgs and started chatting with my boyfriend pretending to be me only. They both talked and my boyfriend told my husband everything about our past things. My husband got angry he started beating me getting angry on me started following me and due to all this he left me. After my husband left me I called my boyfriend and said: Now my husband left me so what to do. You are also not accepting me. My boyfriend said: I don't have anything to do with you I don't need you at all and plz go away from my life. Now I don’t know what to do. Can you plz help me or guide me.
Ans: Dear V, I can only imagine what you are going through.

One man (husband) judges your situation and as hard as it is for any person, it would have been great if he didn’t play peeping Tom and instead confronted you to work things out with you. And the other man (boyfriend) dumps you in sheer fright and runs for his life.

Do you seriously want to beg either of them for a place in their lives?

They have both displayed total lack of maturity! But in their defense, they have felt cheated and not known how to deal with the situation. BUT nothing justifies physical abuse…

I do work with couples to bring them together where it seems possible. Reconciliation with your husband is possible both of you choose that path. Involve a senior member from both sides of the family and bring it to a neutral place; shedding egos along the way.

Work with a Marriage Therapy expert who can then help you re-evaluate your priorities and put things in perspective.

Work as a team (if both of you want that) and rebuild the marriage. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’s possible…So, move in that direction if you see that glimmer of hope as well.

Best wishes.

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2022

Relationship
I am from Hyderabad. Age 40 years old . My name is XY and I’ve been married for 17 years. I have two boys. Ours is a love marriage.I felt like everything will be good and smooth but right after our elder kid was born my life changed. I am an MBA and several times I told my husband that I’d like to work. He said he’d help when the right time and opportunity comes. Until then I should nurture my kids as it's my responsibility and I should support him. But in the 2015, my kid noticed his chats with another lady. I was shocked because many times he’d refused sex with me. We’d get intimate maybe twice or thrice a year. I thought he was busy or maybe he doesn’t like my body. But when I caught him he said, what is over is over. Don't raise the topic. Leave me. I just kept quiet. He said what ever happened, I will be the same for my kids’ future sake. Many quarrels happened. But in 2020 his behaviour came to light. For example if I said anything, he'd punish me by not speaking to me for months. But he'd want me to wash his clothes and fulfil other necessities at home.Once I opened up and said I want to go for counselling. There he told the doctor, ‘She wants my property but she never allows me to care of my mom. She won't allow me to talk to my friends.’ I was shocked. I told him 'I never asked for money or property. I just want to quit.' I went home and told myself if he repeats this another time I won't take it for granted. But again in the month of February, he continued his behaviour. He shifted to another bedroom for a few months where he’d watch TV and have food. He'd even sleep in the kids’ bedroom. I stopped bothering. At some point, I felt like I deserved someone who trusts me.I want to quit because he thinks I am a loyal maid who will take care of kids and the household. He communicates with like ‘What I should get? Milk veggies etc?’ He never treats me with love and affection. Now everything is spoiled. I want to have a new life. I want to be set free from him. Please suggest what to do.
Ans:

Dear XY,

And may I ask what exactly are you waiting for?

Why did you think that by you going for counselling, your husband will change his behaviour towards you?

How is that he cheats on you and still you allow him to treat you this way?

This only shows that you have lost your strength which you need most right now.

What if you were a strong independent woman who has been working?

Would you still subject yourself to this? You know the answer!

Bring back that woman who had dreams, who knew how to walk the path, who knew how a man should treat her, who knew what a marriage really is.

Can you do this?

Your kids need their mother to stand up for herself and do the right thing.

Be the woman who will not settle for anything that disrespects a woman or another human.

Seeing this, they will also know how to treat a woman and what a woman can bring into their lives.

Do the right thing, for yourself and them. Bring back that strong, independent woman who knew this and more.

Best wishes!

(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 01, 2023

Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants her to get married. I told these to both of our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion we both discussed and decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident and during Corona I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him as now i doesn’t feel complete without him. I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for her and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P,
It is unfortunate that you had to snoop around and find out about your husband's affair.
And it is understandable that you are trying to ease the pain but HOW?

The way the mind responds is to immediately move away from pain to feel better. But that doesn't mean you jump into another relationship. It is not healthy. This person from your past can be a good friend who can support you as you go through your marriage challenges and decisions that you might eventually make. take time to get to know each other. Who you knew him in the past, may not be the person who he is now. Priorities change, situations change.
Do not assume the same attraction till you have given each other the time and space with each other to gauge this. Even a bit of care and attention will seem like attraction especially when you have a husband who is being just the opposite.
So, my suggestion is to start on a friendly note and see how it grows first before thinking of a committed relationship AND don't forget you have a child too. Your friend will have to understand that if he accepts you, he also needs to be willing to take responsibility to treat your son as his. So, go slow and don't let this connection become a mere distraction. You will both end up spoiling it and you would not done anything to fix your marriage as well.
Does this make sense? You probably wanted a better response from me to get a go-ahead. I can't do that as it will just bring you more heartbreak. Close one door to be able to walk through another one confidently.

All the best!
(more)
Anu

Anu Krishna  |580 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 17, 2023

Relationship
Hi I am 38 year married woman with one 12yr boy and living in joint family. I am doing everything very honestly and sincerely as a lady does as housewife but I never got love, respect as wife from my husband and few years after our marriage I had seen changes in his behavior and day by day he is getting very rude towards me. So I decided to enquire the reason behind these and came to know that he is having affairs with someone whom he is treating as his wife and giving everything to her as his wife and also wants to marry her. I told these to our parents and after talking with him he assured of not continuing the affair. But after that incident I had not seen any change in his behavior and still acting in the same way. I told these to my parents but because of some compulsion I decided to accept it and continue it the way as it is but these is very difficult for me to accept these and continue these relationship. In my schooldays I likes a boy, we love each other but after my marriage we had never been in contact with each other and he also not contacted me respecting my decision.But after these incident I contacted him to know how he is and came to know that he is still unmarried and waiting for me and I told him about my married life.As he loves me very much and still wants me as his wife and told me that he will accept me as I am. As I also loves him a lot and after knowing that he is still waiting for me its become very difficult for me live without him . I remain honest in my married life but after these incident I dont want to live here and also unable to leave because of family condition and also because of the society we lived in but now its became very difficult for me to continue these married life. We shares everything with each other . He respects me and my feelings and loves me a lot and I feel that he is always there for me and will support me in all respect. Kindly guide me what shall I do.
Ans: Dear P.
Never use a current situation to justify a new relationship. You are simply using the new relationship as a distraction from the old unsuccessful one.
Any reason why you had decided to accept your husband's affair?

You have not moved past your marriage to be able to handle another relationship. First things first...
1. What happens to your son in this confusion?
2. Have you decided to separate/divorce your husband before pursuing the new person?
3. Is the new person willing to accept your son and understand that he is a part of all this?
4. Are you living some unfulfilled dream with this man from your past?
5. Are you running away from the pain of your marriage and seeking solace in the new person?

Kindly answer these questions before you jump from one relationship to another. It will save you a lot of heartache and trouble.
Relationships are not something to be used to escape from and into BUT something to be grown into and grown from.

All the best!
(more)
Latest Questions
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Career
Can you please give me any tips for preparing for GRE?
Ans: Hello Vishal,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on preparing for the Graduate Record Examination (GRE). To prepare well and secure good grades, I would suggest the following tips:

1. Get to know the structure or format of the GRE
2. Make a study plan
3. Make use of authentic GRE study resources or guides
4. Practice on a regular basis
5. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses in each component of the GRE. Also, pay more attention to the areas that require improvement.
6. Sharpen your mathematical abilities by solving maths problems
7. Write Essays and pay heed to the format, flow of the essay, and clarity.
8. Enhance your vocabulary through vocabulary apps and flashcards.
9. Brush up on your reading skills by reading journals, newspapers, and literature.
10. Appear for Mock Exams
11. Understand the mistakes you have made in the mock exams and learn from them.
12. Do not practice continuously, engage in brief breaks during study sessions to remain alert and concentrate better.
13. To acquire more guidance, make use of GRE test prep books, engage in courses online, or consider hiring a teacher.
14. Register for the GRE exam well before you intend appearing for the test in order to obtain a seat.
15. If you plan on appearing for the GRE in offline mode, ensure that you visit your exam centre beforehand.
16. Be mindful of any modifications in the structure of the GRE or its rules as well as any updates.
17. Maintain a Healthy Balance
18. Master Time Management. Answer easy questions first and save the difficult ones for later. Avoid dedicating ample time to one question.
19. Stay Confident and remain assured to earn good grades in the test.
20. On the day of the test, carry all the required materials, including the ID and the admission test card.

Preparing for the GRE examination requires one to put in a lot of effort and time. I would suggest that you create a study plan in accordance with your personal strengths and weaknesses.

For more information, you can visit our website.
(more)
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 04, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 24, 2023
Career
I have completed my BE in Mechatronics in 2016. Then i started working in embedded electronic segment. But now i want to do masters from USA with top universities in power electronics. What is process. Which university will be best. Is power electronics will be good choice as academically i am from mechatronics background but professionally i am from embedded and power domain.
Ans: Hello,

To begin with, thank you for contacting us. I am glad to hear about your plans on pursuing a Master's degree in the USA. As an answer to your question, I would like to let you know that it is indeed possible and rather a fruitful step to shift from a Bachelor's degree in Mechatronics to a Master's degree in Power Electronics in the United States. Take the following steps into consideration.

1. Conduct a thorough study and choose: As the first step in the process, I would recommend that you conduct an extensive study on the field of your choice i.e. power electronics and take into account the employment possibilities it has to offer. Although you have a background in mechatronics as previously mentioned by you, you should make sure that the field of power electronics matches your career objectives and interests, and for the same, I suggest that you get in touch with field experts as they will be able to advise you better.

2. Select Universities: There are a number of universities that are renowned for their programs in the field of power electronics. I recommend that you conduct a comprehensive study and list universities. University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, University of California, Berkeley, Stanford University, and University of Michigan are among the prominent ones. In addition, the university’s location, scholarship opportunities they have to offer, the experience of faculty members, and the likelihood of you securing admission should also be taken into account.

3. Appear for the GRE and English Proficiency Tests viz., IELTS or TOEFL: Majority of the universities in USA require students to prepare for and undertake the GRE i.e. Graduate Record Examination. You may also be required to prove your fluency in the English language through appearing for English competency tests viz. the IELTS or TOEFL, if English is not your first language.

4. Submit a Strong Personal Statement or Statement of Purpose: Next, I would suggest that you draft a strong personal statement or Statement of Purpose that outlines your reasons for wanting to pursue a Master's degree in Power Electronics, how your training in mechatronics as well as your hands-on experience in the embedded and power sectors will help you succeed, and the reasons behind selecting the universities you intend applying to.

5. Submit Academic Marksheets and Endorsement Letters: Along with the SOP, you will also need to submit your BE program marksheets, and obtain strong recommendation letters from instructors and employers who can attest to your educational and work abilities.

6. Take necessary courses: As mentioned earlier, you have a background in mechatronics and now wish to pursue your Master's in Power Electronics. To aid in your transition from mechatronics to power electronics, and to fill in the knowledge gap between your training in mechatronics and the particular demands of power electronics, you may be required to appear for certain prerequisite courses. The courses that you may be required to appear for are mentioned on the websites of the universities.

7. Plan your Finances: Studying in the USA can be a costly affair, and so I suggest that you plan your finances adequately. Take into account your financial circumstances. Also universities in USA offer ample scholarships and assistantships, look into the possible financial aid options that universities have to offer.

8. Make Applications to Universities: As part of the application procedure you will need to submit all the necessary documentation, pay the required application fees, and adhere to application deadlines. I suggest that you complete each university’s online application procedure.

9. Apply for a Visa: On receiving a Letter of Acceptance from the university, as the next step in the process, you will be required to apply for a student visa. Generally, an F-1 visa is required to study in USA. I suggest that you submit the required paperwork and adhere to all the visa prerequisites.

10. Prepare to Migrate: The final step in the process will require you to make all the necessary arrangements. Arrange for accommodation, obtain a medical insurance, and make arrangements for other requirements in the country. Understand the customs and academic standards of the country.

As an answer to your query whether power electronics is a good choice or not, I would like to tell you that as you have expertise in the power and embedded sectors, this field can be a fantastic one. Different sectors viz., electric vehicles, renewable energy, consumer electronics, etc. all depend on the field of power electronics. As mechatronics frequently includes the combination of mechanical systems, control systems, and electronics, your knowledge in the field of mechatronics can offer a distinct viewpoint.

Lastly, the university that you select should resonate with professional ambitions and research pursuits with the filed of power electronics. I would suggest that you conduct a thorough study on not only the courses but also the expertise of the faculty members at each university to ascertain which one best suits your educational and professional goals.

For more information, you can visit our website.
(more)
Sushil

Sushil Sukhwani  |109 Answers  |Ask -

Study Abroad Expert - Answered on Oct 03, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 03, 2023
Career
I am doing WILP M.Sc IT first year BITS It is a course of 2.5 years in BITS. Can i join for 2nd year in abroad universities
Ans: Hello,

First and foremost, thank you for getting in touch with us. I am happy to hear about your plans on deciding to pursue the 2nd year of your WILP M.Sc IT BITS Pilani program at a university overseas. As an answer to your query, I would like to inform you that a number of factors including overseas universities’ guidelines as well as your BITS Pilani program’s acknowledgement play a vital role in deciding whether or not you are eligible to pursue the second year of the program at a university abroad. Please take the following factors into account:

1. Consider the program’s acknowledgement and accreditation: Accreditation or getting certified guarantees a student that his/her degree is legitimate and recognized by universities across the globe. As the first step in the process, I would suggest that you make sure that the pertinent academic institutions in India as well as overseas, both recognize as well as accept the WILP M.Sc. IT program at BITS Pilani.

2. Get to know the Transfer Guidelines: Transfer students are generally accepted by certain universities. Nevertheless, they possess unique prerequisites and constraints, and thus, in my opinion, it’s best to consult your preferred universities overseas in order to understand their guidelines with respect to the credit transfer from other schools/universities.

3. Familiarize Yourself with prerequisites for Admission: For transfer students, varying prerequisites for admission may be set forth by varying universities. I suggest that you get to know and adhere to not only their education criteria but also their prerequisites for language competency.

4. Ensure a coherence between the course curriculum: You will need to make sure that there is a coherence between the course of study that was completed by you at BITS Pilani and the program of study at the international university. Remember that in order to fill in any gaps, you may be needed to appear for other extra courses.

5. Plan your Finances: Pursuing studies overseas can be a costly affair, and for this reason, you will need to ensure that you have sufficient funds to pay for your living costs, tuition fees, as well as other miscellaneous expenditures.

6. Get in touch with education counselors: To better comprehend the consequences and the steps involved in the process of transferring to a foreign university, I highly recommend that you get in touch with education counselors at BITS Pilani as they will be in a better position to offer specialized advice based on your circumstances.

7. Get to know the Application Deadlines: You should get to know the last date to apply to your preferred universities overseas. For that, I recommend that you start planning well in advance and send in your application as per schedule.

8. Follow Visa and Immigration Prerequisites: There are visa and immigration prerequisites associated with studying overseas that you will be required to look in. To be able to study in your preferred country, I suggest that you adhere to the visa requirements in order to acquire the appropriate authorization.

I would like to inform you that transferring to an overseas university to pursue the second year of your studies is indeed possible. Nevertheless, you will need to take into account all the aforementioned aspects and plan meticulously. To see if you qualify and to understand the likelihood of transfer, I recommend that you conduct an extensive study and directly get in touch with each university as each may have unique prerequisites and guidelines.

For more information, you can visit our website.
(more)
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds