I am 36 years. I have been married for last 5 years and we have a 4 years old boy. Though she was my girl friend during my college days, we broke up after college as we have many differences. Then I met with a girl who loved me a lot. During this period she too had some relationship but I never asked and tried to know about it. But finally in a film like situation I got married with my previous girlfriend as our families arranged our marriage. Day by day our differences are increasing and we dont have any love or respect for each other and just for the baby I am continuing my relationship. I miss the second girl too much every now and then. Since my marriage I have not in touch with her. But it is not possible for me to forget her. What should I do ? Please suggest

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is some sort of trend of stepping out of marriage when physical needs are not met within the marriage. It's the easiest way out!
Why is it so hard to figure out what is happening when one of the partners in the marriage is not interested in intimacy?
Why doesn't the other partner try to understand, accept and work with the partner who is struggling through something?
And this goes for the husband and wife and partners within a relationship.

It isn't something written in stone that sex 'MUST' be a part of marriage BUT it certainly is a pillar to creating a stronger relationship. So, why assume and go searching for it? Then you will have all reasons to justify why you did it and how your partner is responsible for it.
Now, you are in a soup with two women vying for your time and attention. And with children involved, things only get complicated. Yes, your wife feels that it his her right to be in your life and your question is: where was she all these years? My question is: why did you stop trying all these years to put things together?

My suggestion: As much as you want to be in the other lady's life, she is clear that she does not want to settle with you. You are also clear that you don't want to separate from your wife but you want her to accept the other lady. Doesn't it seem highly impractical to you?

Before you end up hurting someone or yourself, do what's right for everyone and especially the children. They don't deserve a set of parents that is confused. Good people who come into our lives can end up becoming good friends as well.

All the best!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
There is no point wanting a 'past' relationship just because you have one...what if that relationship did not exist, you would have possibly made efforts to make your marriage work, right?
Then do just that...DO NOT treat your marriage as an option...which marriage is a perfect one? And are all spouses tailor-made to fit one another?
So, if her thoughts don't match with yours, then even yours don't match with hers...so, should she also think of jumping into some other relationship. Please act mature about this especially with a child in the entire equation; try and understand each other...speak about your differences and find ways of working on them by accepting them. Ex-love etc looks all very nice, but come down to ground reality; please...work on your marriage!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

Ans: Hello sir,
This is actually mid life crisis that you are going through, because of which you think you are having feelings for your colleague. Now that you have been transferred to a new place wirh new surroundings, take this as an opportunity to build new healthy relationships around you. You should start giving more quality time to your wife. She has given you a second chance. You should take it well and forget about your past as your colleague has also moved on now. I hope this will help you with your problem.
Take care
Dr Upneet kaur
Relationship counselor
https://www.instagram.com/dr_upneet

Ans: Time heals all wounds. And in this case, you definitely should let it. The girl is half your age and not interested in you. Be practical and value what you have — a wonderful family and loving wife who continues to tolerate you even after you confessed falling for someone else! This is not love my dear, it’s just a midlife crisis — an infatuation, nothing more.