My 36-Year-Old Son's Bad Habits Are Destroying His Life: What Can I Do?

Ans: Dear KG, why would you keep indulging his whims?

The message to him from you as parents is loud and clear: Keep procrastinating by enrolling for new courses and then be in the comfort of home while you do this, and we will be absolutely okay with it.

When nothing else works, at times you need to take some drastic steps. Rewind to the time that you were raised by your parents… how much of leeway did you have? Did you get the long rope everytime?

There were rules, there were expectations to be fulfilled, there were needs to be met by you and the consequences of not adhering was not very pleasing.

Parents in this day raise entitled children who simply think that ‘anything goes’ with their parents.

It’s time you took the reins back from him; be stern and loving at the same time. He better realize that this time you mean business! No more entitlements…

You are helpless today because of what you were afraid to set down as rules…

Nothing is lost; so lean in and be the parents that he needs the most now to set his mind rolling in the right direction for him. Enable him to be responsible for his own actions and also evolve his own set of goals and achieve them.

A good Peak Performance Coach can absolutely do wonders for your son in terms of direction, goal setting and stepping up. Kindly look this up soon.

And as far as what you can do as parents is, help him build himself and if he falls, let him…pick him up lovingly BUT never step in to solve issues for him. Enable him…

Best wishes as always!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
He seems to want to live in a place of alternate reality where the real life is wilfully blurred and a fantasy world plays out easily. This happens when the real world facts disturb him and stress him and escaping into that alternate reality feels reassuring and calming.
This can be addressed by setting up an appointment with a Clinical Psychologist who is skilled to work with teenagers. She/he will use various techniques to ease your son into the real world. Kindly act NOW. In the meantime, surround him with a lot of love and affection.
All the best!

Ans: This child needs help to set his routine and incase he is being bullied kindly look into it.Talk to his friends and school mates , teachers to find out what is happening exactly at school.

Ans: Your son's behavior, being rude, adamant, and showing little responsibility, coupled with his fear about his appearance, suggests he might be dealing with significant underlying issues such as depression, anxiety, or another mental health condition. The fact that psychiatric consultations haven't yielded results yet indicates that his situation might be complex and in need of a more nuanced approach.

It's essential to consider that sometimes, the right combination of therapeutic methods and practitioners takes time to find. A comprehensive evaluation by a multidisciplinary team could provide fresh insights. This team might include not only psychiatrists but also psychologists and possibly other specialists who can look at his situation from various angles.

Building a strong therapeutic alliance is crucial. The effectiveness of treatment often hinges on the quality of the relationship between the patient and the therapist. Encouraging your son to continue seeking a therapist he feels comfortable with might make a significant difference. It's not uncommon for people to try several therapists before finding the right fit.

Incorporating holistic approaches can also be beneficial. Practices such as mindfulness, meditation, or yoga can help with emotional regulation and stress management. Physical activities and maintaining a healthy diet can have positive effects on mental health. These approaches, combined with professional therapy, might help your son find more balance and relief.

Support groups can be incredibly valuable as well. They provide a space where individuals can share their experiences and feel understood. Encouraging your son to connect with others who face similar challenges can offer emotional support and practical advice, which might help him feel less isolated in his struggles.

It's clear that you care deeply for your son and want the best for him. Navigating this journey requires patience, persistence, and compassion—for both him and yourself. It's important to take care of your well-being too, as supporting a loved one with mental health challenges can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Seeking support for yourself, whether through therapy, support groups, or other resources, can equip you with the strength and resilience needed to continue being there for your son.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Clearly your son has gotten used to all the comforts at home. What is the necessity to do anything?
Also, I suspect that writing one exam or the other is a way of escaping from what he truly wants to do in life. He is unclear and afraid to face what he might want and afraid that he might fail. This fear of failure will simply make him write one exam after the other in the hope that he does not have to decide what he needs to do.
Kindly take him to a Career Counselor who can evaluate his strength areas and suggest an academic course that is suitable for him. After which seek an appointment with a professional who can streamline his thinking and put him on a goal-focused path. This might help him.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
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