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Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Mar 08, 2023

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Mar 05, 2023Hindi
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Relationship

Dear Madam I am 36 years old and got married at 29. I have a 2year old daughter. My wife is highly impatient and always wants everyone to consider her as the centre of the universe. She has no interest in understanding peoples emotions and only cares for herself. Me and my family has no issues with this until my kid was born. After she is born, I had to devote much of my attention to my kid since my wife was very lackadaisical toward my baby. My whole energy was spent with my daughter who herself was a hyperactive kid but i do enjoy playing with her. But inspite of not understanding the fact that my whole energy is drained out by my kid, my wife starts blaming me that I am not taking care of her. What she wants is a silent husband who would silent approve of her whole nonsensical tantrums which of course i cant given the fact that my kid is growing up and i don't want her to take up these habits of her mothers. I have tried as much as possible to reason with her with patience but to no avail and my parents and relatives too after closely seeing my condition have also suggested a professional help in this regard. The fact is expect for people who are staying closely with us, no one can sense this attitude of her's and its quite difficult for others to believe when I am trying to tell them of this. Could you give me some help in this. How can I make her understand that I am not just a husband but I am a father , a son, a brother , a friend and more than that a human being.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Has you wife always been the way that you have described or has any incident given rise to this impatience and lack of reasoning?
A professional opinion may definitely be helpful in assessing what's going on and what can be done to streamline her thoughts into creating a family and a better life for herself and those around her.
Since, I don't know all the facts, I am unable to make a professional evaluation and can only work on some assumptions here.
Maybe she feels dissatisfied with being a wife and a mother and possibly wants to have a career for herself. Maybe motherhood is overwhelming for her and the responsibilities are worrying her.
Maybe she is seeking you care and attention.
Remember even a child when he/she throws a tantrum, you go deep to find the reason for it. It's never without a strong reason...So, do not dismiss what you wife might be going through. It needs to be taken care of.
In the meantime, care for yourself by making sure that you get some time off from playing the parent.
Find your ME time and indulge in your hobbies to maintain your sanity. You need to be a good kind space to be able to support your wife and child, so do what it takes to feel simple joys. So, seek professional help and NOW! Sometimes a total stranger can work wonders up...

All the best!

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 29, 2021

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Relationship
Dear Anu, I am married for 18 years. Have two kids, son (17) and daughter (9). My problem is that though I am in a regular job at a PSU, my wife thinks that I don't earn much. She thinks so much and get stressed which in turn gets in explosive and when it burst I cannot control myself and I get physical (manhandle) her. Due to this all fault becomes my fault and I have to apologise to her for behaviour. Apart from this she is having some kind of problem which she keeps fuming at me or anyone for that matter for anything. When I get irritated by such things she refuses that she didn't even said so. If said so, I understood it in wrong sense. I think I am having too many problems which I cannot explain here. Sometimes I think of going to psychiatrist but don't wish to go because then I will be certified as mad and thereafter all fault and problems will be due to me. If I ask her to go to psychiatrist she won't agree either. Please help how to deal such situation in this stage of life. I love her so much so there is no question of separating from her. Please feel free to ask me anything you require for giving me a response.
Ans: Dear AKB, why does money ever come into a marriage; I wonder!

Well, we do need money to keep the family running, right?

Somehow, external happenings of someone earning more can get into the marriage cropping up as comparisons.

What started as a mere seed of comparison, slowly starts to become a huge tree with fruits of poison robbing even the small successes that you might have had.

Even that seems never enough leaving you with a feeling of inadequacy.

This affects marriage compatibility and comes out as anger, sadness, violent outburst, finger pointing which is evident in your marriage.

At the same time, I am sure your wife does not really intend to hurt you with these behavioural displays.

And that’s why externalising the situation to be your fault arises and she does not want to think that her perceptions are what are causing the situation.

Either you sit her down and bring her down to facts of the matter that this is how life is going to be and this is the money is what you can bring.

If it’s still an issue and she has a hard time accepting this reality, involve an elder member from her family to communicate with her.

Show her the mirror as to how her wants are unequal to what money is coming in and how this regular chatter might be affecting the children as well.

If anyone needs professional intervention, it’s both of you going to a therapist and not a psychiatrist.

The expert can help out things into perspective where both of you can rebuild your relationship with renewed mind spaces.

Happy rebuilding!

..Read more

Love Guru

Love Guru   |187 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert - Answered on Mar 13, 2023

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Relationship
I am 45 and my wife 40. We are married since 10 years and have a child. We are middle class. I really care my wife and love her. I believe in women empowerment and want my wife to be good in computer knowledge, spoken english and be a smart lady . Smart not in terms of look but from mind. I am an event manager. I want my wife to take take care of house hold responsibilities and help me at work to certain extent in balanced manner. But she is unable to take care of any of my wishes, desires, ambitions. I have tried to talk several several time but every time it becomes one sided. If i speak 100 then she doesn't speak even 1. I want to keep her happy. I want to give her an identity. But i fail in all because she doesn't understand me. This nature of her is just crushing all my ambitions, desires and wishes. By nature she seems to be very simple but as we know too much of anything is bad. Several times i have told her to talk and let me know her point of view, but she doesn't. She is not mature enough to handle those responsibilities that come in our life at different times. FEEL JUST HELPLESS HOW TO TUNE MY HOUSE AND HOUSE HOLD AFFAIRS WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF WIFE. PLEASE GUIDE.
Ans: You have made very clear what you want, but we have no clue what your wife wants. And communication — or rather the lack of it — is the problem. You obviously can’t facilitate it because she’s simply not responding and I find that highly unusual. It seems like she is unable to express herself at all, and that is certainly an issue. Please consult a professional therapist and explain yourself; I would suggest you attend the first session alone so you are able to articulate the exact nature of the problem.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 31, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
MINE WIFE,AGE 41 YEARS HAS EDUCATIONAL QUALIFICATION OF B.ED,M.A AND M.ED.WE ARE MARRIED FOR 16 YEARS AND HAVE ADOPTED A SON WHO IS NOW STUDYING IN 1ST CLASS.INSPITE OF QUALIFICATION OF MY WIFE,SHE FAILS TO TEACH OUR SON PROPERLY.WHAT SHE DO IS CRAMMING EVEN IN MATHS.I TRY TO CONVINCE MINE WIFE TO READ BOOKS,NEWSPAPER BUT EVERYTIME I PUTUP THESE TOPICSSHE GETS HORRIBLE TOWARDS ME LIKE SHOUTING.SOMETIMES SHE CRIES LONELY.I ADVICE HER THAT WHATEVER WE LEARN WILL BENIFIT OUR SON BUT SHE REALLY GET UPSET WITH ANY OF MY ADVICE.I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONVINCE HER TO CHANGE HER NEGATIVE ATTITUDE.HER HEALTH IS ALSO NOT GOOD WHICH SHE REALISES BUT WHEN I TELL HER TO HAVE PROPER DIET AND EXERCISE,SHE GETS ANNOYED WITH ME AND SCREAM WITH ME.ON THE CONTRARY,WHEN SHE FACE OUTSIDE WORLD ,SHE GETS SCARY AND DON'T COME OUT OF HOUSE.WHOEVER SUGGEST HER SOMETHING SHE AVOIDS THAT PERSON.I REALLY DON'T KNOW HOW TO OVERCOME THIS ATTITUDE OF HER.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Children; whether biological or adopted require the attention of the entire family.
Individuals; whether qualified or not require not just to manage home but also follow their passion.

From what I can gather, your wife can (while your son is at school) can work part-time or from home. I am sure her qualifications can help her find the right thing for her. Yes, I do understand that when she does not care for her health, it can cause you great deal of worry; but try to convey the same thing as CARE rather than an INSTRUCTION. It might help you...If she has begun to avoid people who are trying to help her, then the problem is possibly deeper than what it might be. Do get a medical check up done to rule out any vitamin deficiencies first and then if this persists, I suggest speaking with a counselor who can address any unresolved challenges that she might be facing.

All the best!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |839 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 02, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, I am 45 year old and married from last 16 years and having 15 year old daughter . My Wife and I didn't have a good relation, We fight a lot, not sure what ever I speak she didn't like it and some how converted into argument , My wife is 10 year younger to me , I used to have good sex life at-least few year back, but relation was not good that time too, some how she is either having feeling of superiority or not sure what , She always blames me or my daughter if any things happen, she didn't ready to accept that she can be wrong . Previously even we used to have fight but overall things was fine , she used to generally fight but some how we do makeup after fight , now situation is out of control, she didn't accept her mistake and try to blame me for all the problem , she do over spend and if I try to control she start fighting, I think she just fight for what ever things she need for her selves , but always criticized / blame other , She pick up fight very easily with any one , She even fight a lot with our daughter . Even daughter some time suggest to go separate road than only she will understand , I try to go for concealing but no help , there also when used to discuss problem she hardly listen , even Councilor told her she must develop habit to listen others but nothing improve, I am not sure how to tackle this , She always sleep alone and if any disturbance she create ruckus , she want the things her own way if not than she can't tolerate . I am not sure but I need help here and problem after covid is more now , I try to manage these things previously but looks I don't have patience to handle this any more, I didn't like people blaming for no reason, it looks some time after doing so much for family I am nothing for my family and it is hurting me more. I will not say that I didn't fight , I do and mainly when I feel broken I shout on her and some time asked her to live the house , This may be as she always says she is looking for some one once she find she will leave the house , She always give threat and always say she didn't love me , She didn't find me attractive enough . She try to create environment where I should feel that I am not important person as well as social , I can write 10 more page around this but wanted to have some solution , not sure what could be best here . I wrote previously too but have not got any response yet.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I suggest that the two of you go and see a marriage therapist. This is not simply the job of a counselor; there is clearly a breakdown in the way your marriage is functioning...it needs both of you to build the marriage back again and the therapist will be able to see and review both sides and suggest/guide you two correctly.

10 or 20 pages are not going to help; what will help is that both of you sit down and think of why you are married and what you can do to rebuild it. Blaming her or yourself isn't anyway going to help...Rather than listing down each others' faults, try to work at this.

All the best!

..Read more

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 03, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I am 30 years old, F, married (no kids yet) earning 1.3L/m. Currently I have 4 lakh in FD and a RD of 25K/m earning 7.1% interest. I have been doing SIP of 17.5K(and increase in SIP by 25% yearly). Also, I have an emergency fund of 4 Lakh in savings account. I don't have any knowledge of investment and not sure I am ready to take risk. Please suggest me how to asses risk and what are the best savings option for next 10-12 years.
Ans: It's great that you're taking steps towards financial planning and building wealth for your future. Assessing your risk tolerance is an important first step in determining your investment strategy. Here's a tailored approach to help you assess risk and explore suitable savings options for the next 10-12 years:

Risk Assessment:
Start by understanding your financial goals, time horizon, and comfort level with investment risk.
Consider factors such as your age, income stability, financial obligations, and future aspirations when evaluating risk tolerance.
Reflect on how you would react to market fluctuations and potential losses in your investment portfolio.
Investment Options:
Given your risk aversion, focus on low to moderate-risk investment options that offer stability and steady returns over time.
Explore fixed-income instruments such as Fixed Deposits (FDs), Recurring Deposits (RDs), and Debt Mutual Funds, which provide capital preservation and predictable returns.
Diversification:
While prioritizing safety and stability, consider diversifying your investment portfolio across different asset classes to manage risk effectively.
Allocate a portion of your savings to equity mutual funds or index funds with a conservative approach to benefit from potential long-term growth while minimizing volatility.
Savings Goals:
Identify your financial goals for the next 10-12 years, such as buying a home, starting a family, or saving for retirement.
Prioritize your savings goals based on their importance and urgency, and allocate your investments accordingly.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Periodically review your investment portfolio and reassess your risk tolerance, financial goals, and market conditions.
Adjust your investment strategy as needed to stay aligned with your objectives and adapt to changes in your financial situation or life circumstances.
Financial Education:
Invest time in learning about different investment options, risk management strategies, and personal finance principles.
Consider seeking guidance from a Certified Financial Planner who can provide personalized advice and help you navigate the complexities of investing.
Remember, while it's important to prioritize safety and stability, being overly conservative with your investments may hinder your ability to achieve long-term financial growth. Find a balance between risk and reward that aligns with your goals and comfort level. With careful planning and informed decision-making, you can build a strong financial foundation and work towards achieving your aspirations over the next decade.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi sir am 35yrs old , and i don't have any savings till now. I am planning to do SIP now onwards 30k per month and mai aim is to I need to achieve 1cr till 45yrs. Kindly suggest me some funds were can I invest.
Ans: Starting a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) is a great step towards building wealth for your future goals. Given your goal of reaching 1 crore by the age of 45, it's essential to choose mutual funds that align with your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives. Here are some suggestions for mutual funds to consider for your SIP:

Diversified Equity Funds:
Look for funds that invest across various sectors and market capitalizations to spread risk.
Consider funds with a proven track record of consistent performance and experienced fund managers.
Large Cap Funds:
Large-cap funds invest in established and well-known companies with a track record of stable earnings.
These funds offer relatively lower risk compared to mid and small-cap funds, making them suitable for long-term wealth creation.
Mid and Small Cap Funds:
Mid and small-cap funds have the potential for higher growth but come with higher volatility.
Invest in these funds if you have a higher risk appetite and a longer investment horizon to ride out market fluctuations.
Balanced Funds:
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, invest in a mix of equities and debt instruments.
These funds provide a balance between growth and stability, making them suitable for investors seeking moderate risk with potential for capital appreciation.
Index Funds:
Index funds replicate the performance of a specific market index, such as the Nifty or Sensex.
These funds offer low expense ratios and are ideal for investors looking for passive investment options with diversified exposure to the equity market.
Tax-saving ELSS Funds:
Consider investing in Equity Linked Savings Schemes (ELSS) to benefit from tax deductions under Section 80C of the Income Tax Act.
ELSS funds have a lock-in period of three years and invest primarily in equities, offering the potential for higher returns over the long term.
International Funds:
Explore international funds that invest in global markets to diversify your portfolio and access opportunities beyond domestic markets.
These funds provide exposure to sectors and companies not available in the Indian market and can offer diversification benefits.
Before investing, assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial goals. Consider consulting with a Certified Financial Planner to create a personalized investment plan tailored to your needs and objectives. Regularly review your portfolio and make adjustments as needed to stay on track towards achieving your goal of 1 crore by the age of 45. Remember, disciplined investing over time can help you achieve your financial aspirations.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

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Money
What should be the investment even after retirement and in which fund
Ans: Post-retirement, it's crucial to maintain a well-balanced investment strategy that aligns with your financial goals, risk tolerance, and income needs. Here's a tailored approach to consider:

Investment Objectives:
Focus on preserving capital, generating regular income, and managing inflation risk to sustain your lifestyle in retirement.
Prioritize investments that offer stability, liquidity, and moderate growth potential to meet your income requirements.
Asset Allocation:
Allocate a portion of your retirement corpus to fixed-income investments such as bonds, debt funds, and Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) to provide a steady stream of income and capital preservation.
Maintain exposure to equity through balanced funds or conservative equity funds to benefit from potential capital appreciation while managing volatility.
Regular Income Generation:
Consider investing in dividend-paying mutual funds or systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) to generate a regular income stream from your investment portfolio.
Opt for funds with a history of consistent dividends or reliable income distributions to support your post-retirement expenses.
Risk Management:
Prioritize investments with lower volatility and downside protection to safeguard your retirement savings from market fluctuations.
Diversify across asset classes and investment vehicles to mitigate risk and enhance portfolio resilience.
Tax Efficiency:
Choose tax-efficient investment options such as tax-free bonds, dividend-paying funds, or capital gains tax-exempt instruments to optimize your post-retirement income.
Leverage tax-saving opportunities available to retirees, such as Senior Citizens Savings Scheme (SCSS) or Pradhan Mantri Vaya Vandana Yojana (PMVVY), to maximize tax benefits.
Regular Review and Adjustment:
Continuously monitor your investment portfolio and adjust your asset allocation and investment strategy based on changing market conditions, income requirements, and personal circumstances.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner periodically to ensure your investment plan remains aligned with your post-retirement goals and objectives.
Overall, maintain a balanced approach to post-retirement investing, focusing on income generation, capital preservation, and risk management. By diversifying across asset classes, prioritizing stability, and staying disciplined in your investment approach, you can build a resilient portfolio that supports your financial well-being throughout retirement.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |1384 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 05, 2024Hindi
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Money
Sir, I started investing in MFs since 2007. These are the schemes where I am investing currently. Do I need to make any changes to my portfolio? I am planning to invest Rs 50,000 per month for a period of 20 years. I want a corpus of Rs 5 cr after 20 years. Do I need to add any new schemes to reach my target? * Mirae Asset Tax Saver Fund G * Motilal Oswal NASDAQ 100 ETF * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Mfg Equity Fund * Aditya Birla Sun Life Tax Relief 96 * 360 One Focused Equity Fund - Growth * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Growth * Quant Tax Plan * Axis Bluechip fund * Canara Robeco Emerging Equities * Canara Robeco Equity Tax Saver * HDFC Gold Trader Fund Growth - Direct * HDFC Tax saver ICICI Prudential Technology Fund – Growth
Ans: You've built a diversified portfolio over the years, showcasing a thoughtful approach to long-term wealth creation. It's commendable how you've spread your investments across different market segments and themes.

To reach your target corpus of Rs 5 crore in 20 years with a monthly investment of Rs 50,000, it's essential to periodically review and adjust your portfolio. Consider rebalancing to ensure alignment with your goals and market conditions.

While your current portfolio includes a mix of equity, tax-saving, and thematic funds, consider adding diversified options to enhance portfolio resilience. Focus on funds with strong track records, experienced fund managers, and consistent performance.

As market dynamics evolve, keep an eye on new investment opportunities and emerging sectors. Stay informed and open to adjustments to optimize your portfolio for long-term growth and stability.

Remember, investing is a journey, and it's essential to stay patient, disciplined, and focused on your goals. With prudent planning and regular review, you're well-positioned to achieve your financial aspirations. Keep up the good work!

...Read more

Mayank

Mayank Chandel  |497 Answers  |Ask -

IIT-JEE, NEET-UG, SAT, CLAT, CA, CS Exam Expert - Answered on May 05, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 09, 2024Hindi
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Career
My daughter wants to pursue MBBS ,how can I get admission in AFMC pune
Ans: Hello Sir/Madam
Age: Candidates must be at least 17 years old and not more than 24 years old as of 31st December of the year of admission.

NEET UG Examination: Admission to AFMC Pune is through the NEET UG (National Eligibility cum Entrance Test for Undergraduate) examination conducted by the National Testing Agency (NTA). Candidates must appear for NEET UG and qualify with the minimum required percentile.

Online Registration: After the NEET UG results are declared, candidates who have qualified for NEET UG and meet the eligibility criteria for AFMC Pune need to register online on the official website of AFMC.

Screening Process: Shortlisted candidates are called for a screening process at AFMC Pune, which includes a written test, aptitude test, and interview. The written test assesses the candidate's scientific knowledge, the aptitude test evaluates the candidate's officer-like qualities, and the interview assesses the candidate's personality and suitability for a career in the Armed Forces.

Final Merit List: Based on the performance in the NEET UG examination, screening process, and other criteria, a final merit list is prepared for admission to AFMC Pune.

Medical Examination: Candidates who are selected based on the final merit list undergo a medical examination to ensure they meet the medical standards required by the Armed Forces.

Admission and Training: Selected candidates are admitted to AFMC Pune for the MBBS program and undergo training to become medical officers in the Armed Forces.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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