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30-year-old man asks if it was wrong to ask a 25-year-old woman on an arranged marriage platform about her body count

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Nov 25, 2024 | Answered on Dec 02, 2024
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Thank you very much for the Reply, Dear Anu Ma'am. I greatly appreciate you taking out some of your Valuable time for advising me. But I still have something to follow up, with respect to your Answer. Please don't mind the Legality part of my Question, I was overthinking due to my bad experience. But personally, the Sexual History of a Prospective Partner, could be a Deal Breaker for me. As I have already mentioned, I'm a Virgin & I'd prefer to get Married to a Woman who's Virgin as well. If I get along quite well with any prospective match & after getting emotionally connected with her, if I come to know that she's not Virgin or has a Body Count of more than 1, I'd be greatly disappointed & may not go ahead with the Relationship Whole-heartedly, even if we both get along very well with each other on all other aspects, except Sexuality, which is a very sensitive matter to me, personally. At that point, I'd be in a bigger Dilemma, if I go ahead & Marry her, I'd be insecure about her Sexual Past. If I'd have to Break-up with her, I'd feel the guilt & regret of wasting a lot of time (both her & mine) on something which wasn't meant to be. I had a similar bad experience in the Past, hence I prefer to clarify on all the Deal Breakers, at the initial stage itself to avoid wasting the time & effort of 2 People & Families involved. Please advise me, whether my approach is Right or not? How do ask a Woman about her Sexual History, in the initial stage of our match-making & in a way that wouldn't offend her but prompt her to give me a Genuine & Honest Answer? And how do I ensure that she is being Honest with me, as these days, it seems to be quite common for Urban Young Women to have a High Body Count, before Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, if that is one of your core requirements that she either be a virgin or not have a body count of more than 1, well, I respect it.
But, how exactly are you going to find this information without actually offending the other person? Simple, you actually be honest and tell them that this is important to you; say it in a manner which is not offensive or questioning their integrity. So, it's about you dropping all your defenses and going in literally being vulnerable. Once you do that, the other person sees your genuine intent which is not to offend them BUT to state your requirement.
Of course, be aware that this may work at times and not always. So, assess who you are meeting with and then use this approach. Even after that, how are you going to be sure that they are telling you the truth? I guess, using the heart over mind will go better here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 02, 2024

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Thank you very much for the Reply, Dear Anu Ma'am. I greatly appreciate you taking out some of your Valuable time for advising me. But I still have something to follow up, with respect to your Answer. Please don't mind the Legality part of my Question, I was overthinking due to my bad experience. But personally, the Sexual History of a Prospective Partner, could be a Deal Breaker for me. As I have already mentioned, I'm a Virgin & I'd prefer to get Married to a Woman who's Virgin as well. If I get along quite well with any prospective match & after getting emotionally connected with her, if I come to know that she's not Virgin or has a Body Count of more than 1, I'd be greatly disappointed & may not go ahead with the Relationship Whole-heartedly, even if we both get along very well with each other on all other aspects, except Sexuality, which is a very sensitive matter to me, personally. At that point, I'd be in a bigger Dilemma, if I go ahead & Marry her, I'd be insecure about her Sexual Past. If I'd have to Break-up with her, I'd feel the guilt & regret of wasting a lot of time (both her & mine) on something which wasn't meant to be. I had a similar bad experience in the Past, hence I prefer to clarify on all the Deal Breakers, at the initial stage itself to avoid wasting the time & effort of 2 People & Families involved. Please advise me, whether my approach is Right or not? How do ask a Woman about her Sexual History, in the initial stage of our match-making & in a way that wouldn't offend her but prompt her to give me a Genuine & Honest Answer? And how do I ensure that she is being Honest with me, as these days, it seems to be quite common for Urban Young Women to have a High Body Count, before Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, if that is one of your core requirements that she either be a virgin or not have a body count of more than 1, well, I respect it.
But, how exactly are you going to find this information without actually offending the other person? Simple, you actually be honest and tell them that this is important to you; say it in a manner which is not offensive or questioning their integrity. So, it's about you dropping all your defenses and going in literally being vulnerable. Once you do that, the other person sees your genuine intent which is not to offend them BUT to state your requirement.
Of course, be aware that this may work at times and not always. So, assess who you are meeting with and then use this approach. Even after that, how are you going to be sure that they are telling you the truth? I guess, using the heart over mind will go better here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1617 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What made the ex-bf come and disrupt things? Is this his way of getting back at his ex-gf (your soon to be wife)?
I would not trust his intentions...at the same time, now that you know, you have the right to actually talk to her and clarify things. She needs to respect your need to know; but did it occur to you that she might have not opened up with you as she has been afraid of this confrontation?

Many people have a past and it may not be pleasant and in this case, that's what it seems like...if she is hesitant, reassuring her and giving her a comfort space to open up maybe the best thing to do. She needs to know that she is safe with you to share and she may tell you everything. Now, how you use that information is left to your wisdom BUT do not judge people based on their past. Why I say this is: I do not trust the ex-bf's intentions coming to you and close to the wedding sharing information that suggests that he might be out to destroy her reputation.

Now whether you must blindly trust her or not, is something that you ask yourself. If you are willing to set things aside and hear her version of the story and then either you trust or you don't; no conditions apply. That is your choice...But when you make a choice of trusting, then DO NOT look back...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

..Read more

Shalini

Shalini Singh  |161 Answers  |Ask -

Dating Coach - Answered on Mar 21, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I (30M) recently got engaged to my Fiancee (27F) & shared the Photos of our Engagement on Instagram, wherein they were noticed by an old friend of mine. He recognised my Fiancee & told me some things about her, which startled me. When she was in the Final Year of Engineering, she got an Internship Opportunity in a Reputed MNC, where my Friend was also working. At her Office, most of the Employees & Interns were Male & she was one of the very few Females. Her Manager was a Middle Aged Divorcee. He had offered her a Permanent Job at the Company, after her Internship, in exchange for Sexual Intimacy. Apparently, she had given in & everyone at her Office was aware of the Affair between her & her Boss. Initially, I assumed this to be a Rumour, but still wanted to clarify this with her, even though, I had no Proof except his word of mouth. When I Questioned her, she admitted that, it was indeed the Truth that she had slept with her Boss for her Career Growth. But she also tried to Justify herself, saying that she was a Young & Naive Fresher at that time & the Offer seemed quite Tempting as her Family was going through Financial Difficulties at that point of time. But she also went on to add her narrative that the Affair lasted for just 2 years. During that time, she also used to suffer from Sexual Harassment from other Male Colleagues, as they had assumed that she was an 'Easily Available' kind of Girl who'd sleep with anyone & she had a Hard time, resisting their Sexual Advances. Apparently, my Old Friend was also among those who were trying to Bed her. But she quit working at that Company, as soon as, she got a better offer in another Company, without having to make any Sexual Compromise & since then she'd been working hard for her Career Growth & had never done anything Immoral or Unethical again. Hearing all these things about my Fiancee & my Old Friend, disturbed me greatly. But my Fiancee didn't seem to have any Regrets as she believes that all of it was her Past, which happened more than 5 years ago & it doesn't affect her Present or our Future, in any way. She also reassured me that she would be a Loyal Wife to me after Marriage & would never Sleep with anyone else, under any circumstances. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should Trust my Fiancee & take a Huge Leap of Faith, by going ahead with the Marriage, as planned, or should I call off the Wedding & try to find some other Woman with a Decent Character? Please advise me.
Ans: 1. Should you trust her as a person - going by what she has said, you should as she has been honest and shared everything with you

2. And if she says she does not have any regrets, more power to her - how will having regrets and feeling guilty justify.

3. We all make mistakes and she did what she did as she was 'single' she did not cheat anyone

4. As for you wanting to marry her or not is your decision...remember you both need to invest in the relationship daily and cannot/should not bring up the past even in disagreements - this is important for you to understand.

All the best in whatever decision you make.

..Read more

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I cleared jee adv and am confused about taking ECM IIT Delhi or ECE IIT Roorkee/Guwahati/Kharagpur
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Placement Consistency: IIT Roorkee ECE leads with 85% placements (2024) and robust roles in embedded systems/AI, followed by IIT Guwahati (85% placements, Intel/Qualcomm roles) and IIT Kharagpur (87.05% placements, semiconductor focus). IIT Delhi’s ECM lags at 55% placements (2024), though its alumni network and Delhi’s tech ecosystem offer broader opportunities.

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 06, 2025
Career
Namaste, my daughter got 410000 ranking in kcet, 86% in Pu board,her percentage in PCM is 85,she wants to join for CSE core pl. advice us
Ans: With a KCET rank of 410,000, securing CSE core through KCET counselling in Karnataka is highly unlikely, as top and mid-tier colleges (e.g., RVCE, PES, MSRIT) have cutoffs below 50,000 for CSE. However, lesser-known private colleges or newer institutes with vacancy-driven cutoffs in later rounds may offer limited opportunities. Below are 15 colleges (based on KCET seat matrices and vacancy trends) that might consider such ranks for CSE, though admission is not guaranteed and may require management quota or direct admission:

East-West College of Engineering, Bangalore

Cambridge Institute of Technology, Bangalore

SKSJT Institute of Engineering, Bangalore

Rajeev Institute of Technology, Hassan

Ghousia College of Engineering, Ramanagara

Bheemanna Khandre Institute of Technology, Bhalki

Anjuman Institute of Technology, Bhatkal

Srinivas University, Mangalore

Bearys Institute of Technology, Mangalore

HKBK College of Engineering, Bangalore

Global Academy of Technology, Bangalore

Sapthagiri College of Engineering, Bangalore

New Horizon College of Engineering, Bangalore

Acharya Institute of Technology, Bangalore (non-core branches may have vacancies)

SJB Institute of Technology, Bangalore

Key Considerations:

Management Quota: Explore direct admission via management quota in private colleges, though fees are higher.

Branch Flexibility: Consider related branches like IT, AI/ML, or Data Science if CSE is unavailable.

State-Level Alternatives: Apply for Karnataka state diploma lateral entry (after polytechnic) or reappear for KCET.

Institutional Reputation: Prioritize colleges with NBA/NAAC accreditation and placement records (e.g., MVJ College, CMRIT).

Final Recommendation:
Opt for direct admission via management quota in private colleges like Acharya IT or New Horizon, balancing affordability and infrastructure. If CSE is non-negotiable, reappearing for KCET or exploring diploma lateral entry pathways may yield better long-term outcomes.

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Given her academic profile and rank range:
She should consider applying to colleges where the cutoff is within her reach—primarily those accepting ranks up to about 1 lakh.
She can also explore government quota seats or management seats which sometimes have different criteria.
It’s advisable to focus on reputed private universities like Reva University or NMAM Nitte that offer good infrastructure and placement. All the BEST for your Daughter's Admission & a Prosperous Future!

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