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30-year-old man asks if it was wrong to ask a 25-year-old woman on an arranged marriage platform about her body count

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 25, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Nov 21, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I (30M) am looking for suitable match through Arranged Marriage Platforms. Recently, I had connected with a Lady (25F) who seemed to tick all the Boxes, which I preferred in a Life Partner & she seemed to like me too, we both were getting along quite well through chatting & phone calls. When we met, in person for the first time, I POLITELY asked her what's her BODY COUNT (while mentioning that my Body Count is Zero, as I am VIRGIN). Immediately, she lost her Temper, started abusing me & splashed her Drink all over my Face & Clothes, she was physically assaulting me, when the waiters intervened & calmed her down. I was feeling Humiliated in Public. She threatened that she would Report me to the Police for 'SEXUAL HARASSMENT'. Realising that she could ruin my Life, I apologised to her earnestly & made Peace. Needless to say, she ended all contact with me. But, this incident has left me emotionally bruised. Did I do anything Wrong by asking my prospective Life Partner about her Sexual History? Don't I have the Right to know about this aspect of the Woman, I'd be Marrying? Was she right in taking offence at my Question? Can her Reaction be Justified? Does my Question warrant a Criminal Case against me (something as Heinous as 'Sexual Harassment')? How do I handle such situations in the Future? Should I avoid asking, any other prospects, in the future m, such sensitive personal Questions? What do I do, in case, any other Lady, behaves aggressively with me? Would it be better, if I Record our entire conversation, secretly, using a Bodycam, as a Pro-Active measure, to prove my Innocence & defend myself against Criminal Proceedings? Would it be Legal, to Record our Conversation, without her Knowledge or Consent? Or shall I seek her Consent & Proceed cautiously? Please Advise me, how to handle such sensitive situations, in the Future.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Things have definitely changed in the dating and marriage scene from what it was even 20 or 10 years back...
But hey, I still have my reservations on whether women are comfortable answering very intimate questions...do you not think that a question on body count can be reserved to a future meeting maybe when the two of you show interest in each other and when transparency is vital to further the connection?
Right on Day 1, what is the necessity to jump about and get curious about it? Maybe if someone asked you, you would be okay with it but not everyone or every woman is going to be comfortable with it.
When you pay attention to what the other person wants and likes, there are minimal chances of you slipping up and irking them; where is the question then to take care of legal stuff, recording etc...
Genuinely be there with the other person in a conversation and when the rapport is built, the conversation flows effortlessly and you will start to enjoy it. Start to get curious about who they are as people rather than how many people they have slept with...This should help you!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Nov 25, 2024 | Answered on Dec 02, 2024
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Thank you very much for the Reply, Dear Anu Ma'am. I greatly appreciate you taking out some of your Valuable time for advising me. But I still have something to follow up, with respect to your Answer. Please don't mind the Legality part of my Question, I was overthinking due to my bad experience. But personally, the Sexual History of a Prospective Partner, could be a Deal Breaker for me. As I have already mentioned, I'm a Virgin & I'd prefer to get Married to a Woman who's Virgin as well. If I get along quite well with any prospective match & after getting emotionally connected with her, if I come to know that she's not Virgin or has a Body Count of more than 1, I'd be greatly disappointed & may not go ahead with the Relationship Whole-heartedly, even if we both get along very well with each other on all other aspects, except Sexuality, which is a very sensitive matter to me, personally. At that point, I'd be in a bigger Dilemma, if I go ahead & Marry her, I'd be insecure about her Sexual Past. If I'd have to Break-up with her, I'd feel the guilt & regret of wasting a lot of time (both her & mine) on something which wasn't meant to be. I had a similar bad experience in the Past, hence I prefer to clarify on all the Deal Breakers, at the initial stage itself to avoid wasting the time & effort of 2 People & Families involved. Please advise me, whether my approach is Right or not? How do ask a Woman about her Sexual History, in the initial stage of our match-making & in a way that wouldn't offend her but prompt her to give me a Genuine & Honest Answer? And how do I ensure that she is being Honest with me, as these days, it seems to be quite common for Urban Young Women to have a High Body Count, before Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, if that is one of your core requirements that she either be a virgin or not have a body count of more than 1, well, I respect it.
But, how exactly are you going to find this information without actually offending the other person? Simple, you actually be honest and tell them that this is important to you; say it in a manner which is not offensive or questioning their integrity. So, it's about you dropping all your defenses and going in literally being vulnerable. Once you do that, the other person sees your genuine intent which is not to offend them BUT to state your requirement.
Of course, be aware that this may work at times and not always. So, assess who you are meeting with and then use this approach. Even after that, how are you going to be sure that they are telling you the truth? I guess, using the heart over mind will go better here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Thank you very much for the Reply, Dear Anu Ma'am. I greatly appreciate you taking out some of your Valuable time for advising me. But I still have something to follow up, with respect to your Answer. Please don't mind the Legality part of my Question, I was overthinking due to my bad experience. But personally, the Sexual History of a Prospective Partner, could be a Deal Breaker for me. As I have already mentioned, I'm a Virgin & I'd prefer to get Married to a Woman who's Virgin as well. If I get along quite well with any prospective match & after getting emotionally connected with her, if I come to know that she's not Virgin or has a Body Count of more than 1, I'd be greatly disappointed & may not go ahead with the Relationship Whole-heartedly, even if we both get along very well with each other on all other aspects, except Sexuality, which is a very sensitive matter to me, personally. At that point, I'd be in a bigger Dilemma, if I go ahead & Marry her, I'd be insecure about her Sexual Past. If I'd have to Break-up with her, I'd feel the guilt & regret of wasting a lot of time (both her & mine) on something which wasn't meant to be. I had a similar bad experience in the Past, hence I prefer to clarify on all the Deal Breakers, at the initial stage itself to avoid wasting the time & effort of 2 People & Families involved. Please advise me, whether my approach is Right or not? How do ask a Woman about her Sexual History, in the initial stage of our match-making & in a way that wouldn't offend her but prompt her to give me a Genuine & Honest Answer? And how do I ensure that she is being Honest with me, as these days, it seems to be quite common for Urban Young Women to have a High Body Count, before Marriage?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
So, if that is one of your core requirements that she either be a virgin or not have a body count of more than 1, well, I respect it.
But, how exactly are you going to find this information without actually offending the other person? Simple, you actually be honest and tell them that this is important to you; say it in a manner which is not offensive or questioning their integrity. So, it's about you dropping all your defenses and going in literally being vulnerable. Once you do that, the other person sees your genuine intent which is not to offend them BUT to state your requirement.
Of course, be aware that this may work at times and not always. So, assess who you are meeting with and then use this approach. Even after that, how are you going to be sure that they are telling you the truth? I guess, using the heart over mind will go better here.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1639 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What made the ex-bf come and disrupt things? Is this his way of getting back at his ex-gf (your soon to be wife)?
I would not trust his intentions...at the same time, now that you know, you have the right to actually talk to her and clarify things. She needs to respect your need to know; but did it occur to you that she might have not opened up with you as she has been afraid of this confrontation?

Many people have a past and it may not be pleasant and in this case, that's what it seems like...if she is hesitant, reassuring her and giving her a comfort space to open up maybe the best thing to do. She needs to know that she is safe with you to share and she may tell you everything. Now, how you use that information is left to your wisdom BUT do not judge people based on their past. Why I say this is: I do not trust the ex-bf's intentions coming to you and close to the wedding sharing information that suggests that he might be out to destroy her reputation.

Now whether you must blindly trust her or not, is something that you ask yourself. If you are willing to set things aside and hear her version of the story and then either you trust or you don't; no conditions apply. That is your choice...But when you make a choice of trusting, then DO NOT look back...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

..Read more

Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 07, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 06, 2024Hindi
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I'm caught up in a very difficult situation. I had met a Woman through Arranged Marriage Platform, while we both were getting along quite well with each other, I told her that I'm Virgin & asked her about her Past Relationship(s) if any, she denied categorically. We got Engaged, last month (in November) & our Wedding is scheduled next Month (January). Preparations are going on, including Distribution of Invitation cards. A few days ago, a Guy contacted me, claiming to be my Fiancee's Ex Boyfriend. Initially, I didn't take him seriously as I trusted my Fiancee. But then he showed me some Photos & Videos of their Intimate Moments (as it was apparent from the Videos, she seemed to be conscious & fully aware that their intimate moments are being recorded & some of the Photos were Nude/Semi-Nude Selfies, which she'd taken & shared with her ex Boyfriend, by herself... but she had not consented to share them with anyone else). I was Shocked. The Ex Boyfriend Reassured me that he'd also moved on from her & wouldn't bother her after her Marriage, but he was feeling bitter that she'd Dumped him to Marry me & just wanted to make me aware of what kind of Woman I'd be Marrying. I confronted my Fiancee over a Phone Call & asked her to meet me personally, as there were many Questions disturbing my Heart & Mind and I wanted to demand an Explanation from her. But she refused to meet up with me & wouldn't even discuss anything related her Relationship History on Phone Call/Video Call or WhatsApp Chat. She just kept telling me that it was all in her 'Past' & Promised me that after we both get Married, she'd be a Faithful Wife, Loyal to me. I want to have an Open-Heart conversation with her to Re-evaluate our Relationship before taking any big decision further. But, since she's bluntly Refusing to open up & discuss anything about her Past with me, I am losing Trust in her. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should blindly Trust her & go ahead with the Marriage as Planned or shall discuss the matter with our Parents & get the Marriage Cancelled, to avoid taking such a Big Risk?
Ans: At this moment, it is essential to consider what you need for your own peace of mind. If you cannot trust her fully or feel uneasy without clarity, it is important to address those feelings before committing to marriage. It is not selfish to seek answers or reassurances when your heart and mind are in turmoil. At the same time, be mindful of your approach, as accusations or blame can shut down any chance of constructive communication.

If she continues to avoid the conversation, involving both families might be a reasonable step. This is not about blaming or shaming anyone but about ensuring that both of you enter into marriage with mutual trust and respect. Marriage is a union of not just two individuals but also their values, emotions, and expectations. Without addressing these concerns now, the unresolved doubts could seep into your relationship later and cause greater harm.

It’s also worth reflecting on what you need from your partner to move forward. If her commitment to being loyal and faithful now feels insufficient because of her refusal to engage in an open dialogue, that’s valid. Trust cannot thrive where communication falters. If she can assure you of her devotion and you feel you can let go of her past, there’s a path forward. But if doubts linger and trust remains elusive, stepping back to reassess might be the wiser decision, even if it’s painful in the short term.

Whatever choice you make, be gentle with yourself. This is an emotionally taxing situation, and it’s okay to take time to process everything. Listen to your heart, but also give weight to your instincts—they’re often our clearest guides in moments of uncertainty.

With understanding and strength,

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 21, 2025Hindi
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I (30M) recently got engaged to my Fiancee (27F) & shared the Photos of our Engagement on Instagram, wherein they were noticed by an old friend of mine. He recognised my Fiancee & told me some things about her, which startled me. When she was in the Final Year of Engineering, she got an Internship Opportunity in a Reputed MNC, where my Friend was also working. At her Office, most of the Employees & Interns were Male & she was one of the very few Females. Her Manager was a Middle Aged Divorcee. He had offered her a Permanent Job at the Company, after her Internship, in exchange for Sexual Intimacy. Apparently, she had given in & everyone at her Office was aware of the Affair between her & her Boss. Initially, I assumed this to be a Rumour, but still wanted to clarify this with her, even though, I had no Proof except his word of mouth. When I Questioned her, she admitted that, it was indeed the Truth that she had slept with her Boss for her Career Growth. But she also tried to Justify herself, saying that she was a Young & Naive Fresher at that time & the Offer seemed quite Tempting as her Family was going through Financial Difficulties at that point of time. But she also went on to add her narrative that the Affair lasted for just 2 years. During that time, she also used to suffer from Sexual Harassment from other Male Colleagues, as they had assumed that she was an 'Easily Available' kind of Girl who'd sleep with anyone & she had a Hard time, resisting their Sexual Advances. Apparently, my Old Friend was also among those who were trying to Bed her. But she quit working at that Company, as soon as, she got a better offer in another Company, without having to make any Sexual Compromise & since then she'd been working hard for her Career Growth & had never done anything Immoral or Unethical again. Hearing all these things about my Fiancee & my Old Friend, disturbed me greatly. But my Fiancee didn't seem to have any Regrets as she believes that all of it was her Past, which happened more than 5 years ago & it doesn't affect her Present or our Future, in any way. She also reassured me that she would be a Loyal Wife to me after Marriage & would never Sleep with anyone else, under any circumstances. Now I am in Dilemma, whether I should Trust my Fiancee & take a Huge Leap of Faith, by going ahead with the Marriage, as planned, or should I call off the Wedding & try to find some other Woman with a Decent Character? Please advise me.
Ans: 1. Should you trust her as a person - going by what she has said, you should as she has been honest and shared everything with you

2. And if she says she does not have any regrets, more power to her - how will having regrets and feeling guilty justify.

3. We all make mistakes and she did what she did as she was 'single' she did not cheat anyone

4. As for you wanting to marry her or not is your decision...remember you both need to invest in the relationship daily and cannot/should not bring up the past even in disagreements - this is important for you to understand.

All the best in whatever decision you make.

..Read more

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Total corpus: Rs.?90?lakh

Rs.?30?lakh in SCSS (government scheme)

Rs.?30?lakh reserved for daughter's wedding in 1–2 years

Rs.?30?lakh free for investment

Pension: Rs.?75,000/month

LIC income: Rs.?6,000/month

Savings:

Mutual funds and stocks: Rs.?15?lakh

PPF: Rs.?30?lakh (matures in 2030)

FD (emergency): Rs.?8?lakh

Expenses: Rs.?50,000/month household + Rs.?84,000/year health premium

No liabilities, fully paid house

This setup gives you clarity. Now let's plan to convert your available Rs.?30 lakh into a stable monthly income source.

Identifying Income Needs vs Available Funds
Monthly expenses: Rs.?50,000

Pension + LIC provide Rs.?81,000 monthly

You already cover monthly needs with Rs.?50,000 buffer

However, for larger medical, transport, travel costs, additional income helps

Your goal: Ensure capital protection, stable cash, and tax efficiency

With your existing income, the Rs.?30 lakh surplus corpus is aimed at bolstering income, not meeting basic expenses.

Capital Safety and Tax Efficiency Objectives
Focus is on :

Capital preservation

Generating monthly systematic income

Avoiding or minimising tax liability

Mutual fund and stock investments (Rs.?15 lakh) offer growth and some liquidity

PPF provides safe returns but is locked-in till 2030

The primary remaining Rs.?30 lakh should be placed in instruments that are safe, give regular payouts, and efficient tax-wise.

Suitable Investment Options for Surplus Corpus
Debt-oriented hybrid funds

Short to medium-term debt funds

Monthly income plans from funds

Laddered bank FDs or small finance bank FDs

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) from existing mutual fund holdings

These options help create predictable income with limited volatility.

Advantage of Hybrid and Debt Mutual Funds
Distribute risk across debt and limited equity

Provide moderate monthly distributions

No lock?in, more liquid than PPF

Actively managed funds can adjust credit and duration risk

Help in managing tax efficiently via LTCG/STCG rules

Avoid index or direct funds here. Choose regular managed funds via CFP to tailor allocations as per your needs.

Tax Efficiency via Fund Withdrawals
Equity funds:

LTCG above Rs.?1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%

STCG at 20%

Debt and hybrid funds:

Gains taxed per income slab if held under 3 years

After 3 years, LTCG taxed per slab with indexation

SWP withdrawals from debt/hybrid minimise taxable events

With Rs.?30 lakh, structured SWP keeps income steady and tax under control.

Monthly Income Distribution Strategy
Assuming you withdraw Rs.?30,000–40,000/month via SWP:

Maintain Rs.?10–15?lakh in debt/hybrid funds

Keep remainder as short?term debt or FDs for liquidity

Distribute monthly income to supplement pension

Preserve core capital without dipping into principal

This ensures both monthly income and capital sustainability.

Sample Investment Allocation of Rs.?30 Lakh
Rs.?12 lakh in hybrid debt?oriented fund (SWP setup)

Rs.?10 lakh in short?term debt fund for buffer

Rs.?8 lakh across 2–3 bank FDs (12–24 month laddered FDs)

This split offers payout, safety, and reinvestment flexibility.

Managing Daughter’s Wedding Corpus (Rs.?30 Lakh)
Keep in ultra-short debt or liquid funds

Align with wedding timing in 12–24 months

Avoid market volatility

Preserve full value for needed date

Ensure fund matches withdrawal need to avoid last-minute losses.

Managing SCSS Corpus Stability
Your SCSS provides regular quarterly interest

Keep it till maturity for safety and assured income

Its added income reduces reliance on fund withdrawals

It ensures part of your “monthly income” is secured long-term.

Rebalancing Portfolio Over Time
Review allocation quarterly

Shift debt/hybrid allocations to short?term as you spend

Adjust SWP amount if expenses change

Post 2030, reassess PPF corpus for retirement income

Rebalance equity exposure of Rs.?15 lakh based on market and goals

Frequent adjustments ensure alignment with changing income needs and risk.

Health Cover and Insurance Considerations
Health insurance worth Rs.?40 lakh covers major medical events

Ensure renewability and no gaps in coverage

Consider adding critical illness or top-up rider if needed

Health costs may increase with age, so periodic review is needed

This ensures your income and corpus are buffered against high medical costs.

Children and Family Goals Planning
Wedding fund addressed; education funds for kids need separate planning

Set SIPs from mutual funds for long-term goals

Keep them in growth or balanced funds

Ensure funds for education and family needs are separate from retirement corpus

Segmenting goals avoids mixing retirement and child-related finance.

Emergency Corpus Maintenance
Ring?fenced Rs.?8 lakh FD acts as emergency fund

Ideal coverage of 6–9 months’ household expenses + insurance

Do not disturb this unless genuine crisis occurs

Plan for periodic inflation adjustments (e.g. renew FD every year)

Well?maintained emergency funds reduce need to withdraw from investment corpus.

Implementing SWP from Hybrid Funds
Start SWP to send Rs.?30–40k to your bank monthly

Align payout date soon after pension credit

Ensure SWP is taxable as capital gains, not salary

Keeps capital base intact if withdrawals equal only the returns

This maintains both your income stream and corpus value.

Withdrawal vs Liquidity Considerations
Short-term debt fund provides buffer in case of unexpected needs

Laddered FDs mature over time, offering flexibility

SWP covers stable monthly income

Wedding fund is watertight

All aspects combine to avoid sudden money stress

This layered liquidity ensures peace of mind.

Monitoring and Active Oversight
Review investments every 6 months with CFP

Ensure fund performances meet allocation goals

Rebalance between debt, hybrid, and liquidity as life changes

Adjust SWP amounts if medical or lifestyle costs change

Monitor interest rate changes that may affect fund yields

This keeps your plan agile and robust for retirement.

Avoiding Common Retiree Mistakes
Don’t shift all capital into FDs or ultra-safe assets

Avoid equity-heavy withdrawals that deplete corpus

Don’t ignore inflation’s impact on income

Don’t rely only on pension; supplement with SWP

Don’t hold LIC policies or ULIPs beyond need—review and surrender if low yield

These errors can erode corpus and reduce income over time.

Ensuring Tax Savings
Plan SWP and withdrawals to stay within tax-free thresholds

Prefer debt/hybrid funds for lower capital gains tax over equity

At tax time, explore deductions from SCSS interest under 80C

Consider senior citizen benefits once you cross 60

A strategic tax structure enhances post-tax income and corpus longevity.

Future Retirement Income Balance
Pension Rs.?75k + LIC Rs.?6k = Rs.?81k income

Add SWP of Rs.?30–40k = Total monthly income Rs.?1.1–1.2 lakh

Covers current spending and inflation buffer

Remaining corpus plus SCSS and PPF offers long-term stability

Your goal of stable and tax-efficient retirement income is on track.

Final Insights
Your corpus usage is sound: SCSS + FD + mutual funds + PPF

Immediate target: use Rs.?30 lakh in income?generating assets

Structure SWP and short?term liquidity for stability

Maintain pension and insurance as core protection

Review annually for rebalancing, inflation and health cover

Avoid stretching across other risky assets

You have all key building blocks. With disciplined plan execution and professional oversight, your retirement goals will be met smoothly.

Best Regards,
K.?Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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