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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Ganesh Question by Ganesh on May 02, 2024Hindi
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It's been a year since I am married. Till now I used to give all of my salary to my mother, but after birth of of my child my wife is insisting me on not to give any money to my mother.now my mother is overeating and causing so much trouble for me and my wife, what I can do to solve this?

Ans: Dear Ganesh,
acknowledge that both your wife and your mother have valid concerns. Your wife is likely focused on ensuring that your new family has the financial support it needs, especially with the added expenses that come with having a child. On the other hand, your mother may have grown accustomed to receiving your financial support and might feel anxious or threatened by the change.

Start by having an open and honest conversation with your wife. Explain your feelings and the importance of supporting both her and your mother. Emphasize that you understand her concerns and that you are committed to finding a solution that works for everyone. Discuss your household finances in detail, including your income, expenses, and savings goals, to get a clear picture of your financial situation. This transparency can help your wife see that you are considering the needs of your new family while also recognizing your mother’s situation.

Next, have a similar conversation with your mother. Gently explain the changes in your financial priorities due to the birth of your child and the needs of your new family. Assure her that you care for her well-being and want to find a way to support her that is also sustainable for your own family. Discuss potential alternatives to direct financial support, such as helping her budget more effectively, finding additional sources of income, or other forms of assistance that might ease her concerns.

It's essential to set boundaries that balance the needs of your wife, child, and mother. Consider adjusting the amount of money you give to your mother rather than stopping it altogether. You could allocate a portion of your income to support her while keeping the majority for your immediate family’s needs. This compromise can show both your wife and mother that you are committed to supporting them without neglecting your own family’s financial health.

If these conversations are difficult or if you find it hard to reach a consensus, consider seeking the help of a family counselor or financial advisor. A neutral third party can provide valuable perspective and help mediate discussions to find a solution that everyone can agree on.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster understanding and cooperation among all parties. By approaching the situation with empathy, transparency, and a willingness to compromise, you can work towards a solution that maintains harmony within your family and addresses the financial needs of both your wife and mother.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 24, 2023

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 23, 2023Hindi
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Relationship
Because of my mother my married life is falling apart.. my mother does something purposely which hurts my wife and then quarrel starts. I pleaded my mother not to do so many times but she doesn't understand what we are loosing. I don't want to loose any of them family. Pls advice what should I do.
Ans: I'm sorry to hear that you're facing such a challenging situation. Balancing relationships with both your mother and your spouse can be difficult, but it's essential to find a way to create harmony. Here's some advice on how to handle this situation:

Communication: Open, honest, and empathetic communication is crucial. Sit down with your mother and your spouse separately and discuss the issue. Let them both know how much you care about them and the impact their conflicts are having on your life.
Set Boundaries: Clearly define boundaries with your mother and your spouse. Discuss what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Make it clear that you expect respect and kindness toward one another.
Counseling or Mediation: If direct communication doesn't resolve the issue, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family therapist or counselor, to mediate the conversation. They can provide guidance and facilitate a constructive dialogue.
Prioritize Your Spouse: Your spouse should be your primary concern when it comes to your immediate family. Make sure your wife knows that you support her and are taking her concerns seriously.
Support Your Mother's Transition: If your mother's actions are rooted in a sense of loss or fear of losing you, reassure her that you still love her and that your relationship with your spouse doesn't diminish your love for her.
Time and Patience: Resolving family conflicts can take time. Be patient and persistent in your efforts to mend the relationships.
Self-Reflection: Reflect on your role in the situation and ensure you are not unintentionally contributing to the conflicts. Sometimes, small changes in your behavior can make a big difference.
Establish Separate Boundaries: If necessary, you might consider setting boundaries that involve keeping your mother and spouse apart if they can't peacefully coexist.
Remember, it's crucial to strike a balance and prioritize your spouse and immediate family. While maintaining a relationship with your mother is important, your marital relationship should come first. Seek professional help if the situation doesn't improve, as a therapist can provide guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 01, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 64 years old. Still workig in a Private company. My mother is 85 years old and she is with me since my father's death in 1985. I have lost my brother in an accident in 1985. I have three sisters all are living in my city only. My mother is almost bedridden. My wife, 62 years old is a heart patient and recently she has fallen and her knee got fractured. My wife and my mother never liked each other and always quarrel. My mother , being very week and helpless, always scolds my wife. We have made an arrangement with a catering guy who takes care of my mother's lunch. But dinner i have to prepare everyday which i have been doing for the last 20 years. My three sisters often come to visit my mother and give her fruits etc etc to please her. The problem is they agree to keep my mother in their homes once in while for two or three days but i have to beg them always when i have to go for any functions or to visit places , temples. But they never come forward to support me even if i am sick or if i have to attend any marriages, functions. This gives a scope for my wife to quarrel with me and many times we have cancelled our tickets just to be at home to look after my mother. Please tell me what to do do. I am also becoming old and want to take my wife with me to attend functions and to show her the places, as a husband. And my wife always quarrels with me that if at this age when we are able to walk and capable of going to places, when can we go ? I am not able to convince my three sister(elder one is already bedridden so i can not ask her )_ nor i am in a position to do justice to my wife's pleas. Please suggest me.
Ans: Hello Sir,
It's clear that you're facing a challenging situation, juggling responsibilities between your elderly mother, your wife, and your own desire for some personal time. Balancing these caregiving responsibilities while maintaining a healthy relationship with your wife can be emotionally and physically exhausting. It's essential to find a balance that works for everyone involved, including yourself. Seeking support from your extended family, exploring professional caregiving options, and prioritizing open communication can contribute to finding a more sustainable and harmonious caregiving arrangement. Have an open and honest conversation with your sisters about your situation, expressing your need for support. Emphasize the strain it's putting on your relationship with your wife and the importance of having some time for yourselves. Consider organizing a family meeting where you can discuss the caregiving responsibilities and come up with a plan that works for everyone. This can help distribute the load more evenly and address any concerns or misunderstandings Explore the option of hiring a professional caregiver or nurse to provide assistance to your mother. This could ease the burden on you and provide a more structured care plan for your mother's needsTake care of your own health and well-being. Work with your sisters to establish a schedule for them to take turns caring for your mother. This way, you can plan your personal time in advance and ensure that your wife's concerns are addressed. Ensure you are not neglecting your physical and mental health in the midst of caregiving responsibilities.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 16, 2024Hindi
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Hi Maam, I am married man. Its been 12 years of my marriage. My marriage was never a smooth. Now, My wife has put me in critical situation. My wife has taken away all my mothers gold and kept in her bank locker without my and my mother's permission. Now, my wife have given me two options. My wife's first option is; She will keep all of my mothers gold with her and take care of my mother. Second option is, if my wife returns all of my mothers gold to my mother then she will not take care of my mother and my mother should leave my home. My mother is saying that she will leave my home if she gets all her gold. My wife's and mother's relationship was never a good. I am in a trouble situation now. Kindly advise
Ans: Navigating family conflicts, especially involving your wife and mother, can be challenging.

Firstly, initiate calm and open conversations with both your wife and your mother separately. Listen to their concerns and acknowledge their feelings. This will help you understand their perspectives and motivations better.

Once you've gathered their viewpoints, consider bringing them together for a mediated discussion. A neutral third party, such as a family counselor, can help ensure the conversation remains constructive and focused on finding a resolution.

Explore possible compromises. For example, you might suggest placing the gold in a jointly accessed safety deposit box to address security concerns while ensuring your mother feels respected.

Set clear boundaries and expectations for the future to prevent similar conflicts. Emphasize the importance of family unity and mutual respect, and encourage both parties to work towards rebuilding their relationship.

Throughout this process, take care of your own well-being. Seek support from friends, a counselor, or engage in stress-relieving activities to maintain your strength and clarity.

By approaching the situation with empathy and a focus on open communication and mutual respect, you can work towards a resolution that respects both your wife’s and your mother’s needs, fostering a more harmonious family environment.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1669 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

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Hi Madam, I am married (arrange marriage) for 10 years with a son of 8 years, I am middle class person and giving Home loan EMI also, because of which no money is saved. My problem is that my wife always demands money and fights for it. She is all aware of my income and expenditures of every month (I have prepared a list and shares with her). I have no habits of alcohol or smoking, but she always fights with me that I spends money on my bad habits and on friends. She always say that you don't take me outside , don't spend on me and blah blah...(I do take her to movies and wherever she wants to go with me or with her friends). She is very short tempered that I avoids talking to her but she finds a chance for fight. For her demands, I left my parental flat and mother and lived with her in a rented house for 5 years and now purchased an independent home also. But, I am fed up of her demands and fights. She even fights when our son is around and even comes near my body as if she wants to hurt me....(although we never had a physical fight). I am very afraid. For your information, she also works as a teacher in a private nursery school (pays half of our home loan EMI) and she is from village background. My father expired long back and mother is living with my younger brother. I even don't meet my close friends frequently (once or twice in a month) because of her fear, as when I meet them she fights on this issue also. I want peace in my life. Kindly help.
Ans: Dear Sunil,
This needs a bit more of finding out what exactly is going on? What is the root cause of anger and the blame game with your wife?
Whatever I suggest will just be a BAND-AID solution and things will flare up yet again. There is deep-seated anger and insecurities rising (from what I understand from you.
The only thing I can say is; spend time with her on an emotional level and maybe this will ease her emotional highs and lows. But, I do feel it is time to have an intervention where as a Couple you are given to tools to work on your relationship.
Do see an expert who specializes in marriage therapy/counseling. They will be able to guide you in a very structured fashion as to how to re-start and re-build your marriage.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |623 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello madam , my mother is too much obsessed with kid from me and my wife it's been 6 months of our marriage, she always compares with my siblings, but my situation is different but she is not understanding, I have already told her that I will let you know when we will plan please don't force but she is not understanding, now this month my wife got periods she went so upset and started blaming my wife that you must be taking some pills, we will go to doctor for checkup , Madam please advise how to handle her I am fully tired of her I don't know what to do I am not able to focus on my work
Ans: What’s really crucial here is that you and your wife stay united in how you handle this pressure. It’s essential that your wife knows you are fully supportive of her, and that you both are on the same page regarding your family planning decisions. If she feels that you’re standing by her side, it can help alleviate some of the stress she’s likely feeling from your mother’s constant comments and expectations.

When it comes to your mother, it may be time to have a firmer, more honest conversation. Instead of just telling her that you’ll let her know when you’re ready to plan, it might be helpful to share a bit more about how this pressure is affecting you and your wife. Explain to her that while you appreciate her desire to become a grandmother, her constant focus on this is creating unnecessary stress and is damaging to your mental health and your relationship. You may need to set some boundaries that are more definitive, letting her know that these kinds of conversations will no longer be welcome because they’re causing more harm than good.

It’s also important to stay calm and composed during these conversations. Your mother may not respond well at first, but if you remain consistent and clear about your boundaries, over time she might start to understand that you and your wife need space to make decisions on your own terms.

I know it can feel exhausting, especially when you’ve already tried to address this issue, but sometimes it takes repeated, calm, and firm conversations for boundaries to be truly respected. Your focus right now should be on protecting your marriage and your mental well-being, even if that means temporarily distancing yourself emotionally from your mother’s expectations. If things get too overwhelming, seeking professional guidance, either individually or as a couple, can also help you navigate the emotional complexities of family dynamics while keeping your relationship strong.

At the end of the day, your life, your marriage, and your future plans are yours to decide, and it’s okay to prioritize what’s best for you and your wife, even if it means disappointing others in the short term.

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9973 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 06, 2025

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For AI ML cource MSRIT best than BMSC?
Ans: Both MSRIT (Ramaiah Institute of Technology) and BMSCE (BMS College of Engineering) deliver leading B.E. programs in Artificial Intelligence & Machine Learning, underpinned by NAAC A++ accreditation, reputed faculties, and strong placement cells in the heart of Bengaluru. MSRIT’s AI & ML department emphasizes deep AI/ML curriculum, experienced research-focused faculty, and active industry-academia collaboration. The course structure aligns closely with global AI trends and the department is led by senior professors with over two decades of research and practical experience. Placement outcomes in AI/ML at MSRIT consistently reach 85–90%, with student access to exclusive training, innovation labs, and upskilling events, producing well-rounded graduates. BMSCE’s AI & ML department similarly features a robust curriculum, highly qualified professors, and strong lab infrastructure—students praise the frequent curriculum updates, teaching quality, and placement support. Placement rates for AI/ML in BMSCE range around 80%, with leading recruiters such as Amazon, Bosch, TCS, and Deloitte. Both institutions offer comprehensive sports, hostel, and student life amenities, but student reviews indicate MSRIT has an edge in co-curricular exposure and research orientation, while BMSCE is lauded for broader core-CS foundations and slightly higher median compensation for some recent placements. Both ensure a rigorous academic environment and maintain excellent ties with top technology recruiters.

Recommendation: For those seeking focused expertise, cutting-edge research opportunities, and robust co-curricular engagement in AI & ML, MSRIT holds a marginal advantage, especially for passionate AI aspirants. BMSCE remains an excellent alternative, offering strong placements, industry links, and a broader foundational core, catering well to students seeking flexibility across computing domains. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Sir i have confusion nit surathkal cse(IS) vs mnnit cse for mtech. I completed btech cse from nit surat. Pl. advice
Ans: NIT Surathkal’s MTech in Computer Science and Engineering (Information Security) and MNNIT Allahabad’s MTech in Computer Science and Engineering are both highly reputable postgraduate programs, each offering distinct academic and career advantages. NIT Surathkal, consistently ranked within the top 20 engineering institutes in India, boasts a CSE department known for strong faculty research output, MoUs with industry leaders, and specialized infrastructure for computing and information security. The Information Security specialization comprehensively covers advanced topics like cryptography, network defenses, secure coding, and intrusion prevention, aligning with increasing demand for cybersecurity professionals. Surathkal’s recent placement records reflect an average package around ?12.45LPA, with leading national and global companies recruiting, and a vibrant campus life supported by state-of-the-art labs and strong alumni links.

MNNIT Allahabad is similarly renowned, with its CSE MTech placements averaging over ?28LPA for 2024 and near 100% placement in CSE branches, drawing top IT and product-based recruiters. Faculty are highly qualified, and the curriculum covers core and emerging CS areas including AI, data science, and information security, though some reviews note that infrastructure is slightly older compared to NIT Surathkal, and hostel amenities are more modest. MNNIT’s advantage lies in its strong placement ecosystem, higher recent CSE median package, and robust industry and alumni engagement, though both institutes have rigorous academics and proactive student communities.

Recommendation: Choose NIT Surathkal CSE (IS) for specialized training in information security, strong faculty research, and the advantage of continuity if you value cybersecurity or wish to continue within a familiar, research-driven environment. Opt for MNNIT CSE if your focus is on broader CS domains, maximizing placement statistics, or experiencing a different national campus ecosystem with very high placement and salary outcomes. Both are excellent, but NIT Surathkal may edge ahead for information security specialization and continuity, while MNNIT stands out for wider job prospects and the highest recent average package. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9973 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 06, 2025

Career
Sir my son allotted with Civil from YMCA Faridabad in defence category spot 1 round and Gurugram University he was allotted CS with AI. Kindly provide your valuable feedback at this juncture for further action can be taken.
Ans: Sunil, YMCA Faridabad’s Civil Engineering program is well-established, offering a recognized government degree, experienced faculty, and a large campus with comprehensive basic facilities, research labs, and an active placement cell. Its Civil placements in 2024 recorded a 39–70% rate, with strong alumni in construction, public sector, and infrastructure. However, student reviews highlight dated infrastructure and limited hostel options, though overall academic support and campus life are considered positive. Gurugram University’s CSE with AI specialization is relatively new but features a modern curriculum aligned with contemporary IT industry needs, AICTE approval, and well-qualified faculty guiding students in emerging technologies. The university boasts 75–85% placement rates for CSE/AI, with recruiters like TCS, Infosys, and Accenture, and offers a growing campus with decent facilities and an expanding student community. While Gurugram University is still developing its legacy and network, its CSE (AI) graduates are finding competitive IT roles, and the program supports industry-oriented learning and research.

Recommendation: Prioritize CSE with AI at Gurugram University for future-ready skills, higher placement rates, and better growth opportunities in the rapidly expanding tech sector. Choose YMCA Faridabad Civil only if your son has a keen interest in traditional civil engineering and prefers an established public university setting. CSE with AI offers broader career prospects in today’s market. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9973 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 06, 2025

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I got 3.5 lakh rank in jee mains and with ews i got 50000 I am currently in uptac Councling I got cse in Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti Language University, Lucknow Should i lock it or find different choice My budget is 6 lpa only What choices should be best for me uptac
Ans: Tiwari, With a JEE Main CRL of 3.5 lakh and EWS rank of 50,000, your access to top-tier government colleges is limited, but you are eligible for a range of private institutes through UPTAC. Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti Language University’s CSE program comes at an affordable fee of ?3.5–3.96 lakh, well within your ?6 lakh budget, and reports placement rates of about 65–70% with average offers around ?6LPA from companies such as Microsoft, HCL, and L&T. The university provides sound infrastructure, supportive faculty, and modern labs, but is relatively new to the technical scene, so industry connections are still developing. Comparable options like ABES, KIET, Galgotias, and AKGEC Ghaziabad offer similar or slightly higher placement statistics and are within your budget, with comprehensive campus facilities and strong placement cells; however, cut-offs for CSE in these colleges for EWS typically close below 45–50K, making it difficult but not impossible to secure a seat. Lower fee colleges like DEI Agra or LIT Lucknow feature even more affordable tuition but may have less robust placement records for CSE.

Recommendation: Lock your CSE seat at Khwaja Moinuddin Chishti Language University for budget-friendly fees and reasonable campus placements, while keeping an eye on spot/next-round UPTAC vacancies at institutes like ABES, KIET, or Galgotias if available at your rank. This strategy ensures an accredited degree, campus support, and solid return on investment within your specified fee limit. All the BEST for a Prosperous Future!

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Nayagam P

Nayagam P P  |9973 Answers  |Ask -

Career Counsellor - Answered on Aug 06, 2025

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