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Boyfriend criticizes my law school competition - how do I deal with his negativity?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |584 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 30, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I'm in relationship with a boy since 7.5 years i am a law student and recently i participated in moort court competition and unfortunately i was told to him that i was in competition but when i told him i participated in competition he was like how can you participated i didn't like that you participated in any competition. He told me that he was not participating in any competition then why you would do that (he is computer science engineering student) he told me like your competition is bigger than relation you only focus on you career . How can i deal with him he always thought i lied to him and he starting abusing me ????

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I see in your definition of your partner is an overly controlling person who is not supportive of your career; so what if you participated in a competition? How does that affect your relationship? Why does he have a say in that at all? I am sure he has good qualities too, but this part of him should not be excused.

I would also like to remind you that abuse, in any form, should never be tolerated, no matter how long you have been dating. Your safety and respect should always be your priority. Please reconsider this relationship; if you can't do so, at least address these issues head-on. He should not think that this behavior is acceptable. Don't ignore the warning signs.

Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Apr 06, 2022

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Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - May 12, 2025
Money
I am 38 years old and self-employed, earning an average of 1.8 to 2 lakhs per month. I have a home loan of 44 lakhs (EMI is 46,000, tenure 15 years). There is no other liabilities. My investments include 11 lakhs in mutual funds, 3 lakhs in fixed deposits, and 1.5 lakh in gold. Should I focus on prepaying the home loan given my irregular income, or keep my investments intact and continue with EMIs?
Ans: You are doing quite well, especially with your investments and controlled liabilities. Your financial discipline is truly appreciable.

You are 38, self-employed, with Rs.1.8 to 2 lakhs monthly income.
Your current home loan is Rs.44 lakhs with EMI of Rs.46,000 for 15 years.
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs.3 lakhs in FDs, and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.
Your income is irregular, but you have no other liabilities.

Let us now do a 360-degree evaluation of whether to prepay the loan or stay invested.

 

Step-by-Step Financial Assessment
1. Evaluate the Stability of Your Income First
You earn between Rs.1.8 to Rs.2 lakhs per month.

 

But income is irregular. That needs caution.

 

Loan EMI is Rs.46,000 — about 25% of your average income.

 

If income drops in any month, EMI pressure will increase.

 

So we must first ensure EMI is always affordable, without stress.

 

Hence, liquidity is more important for you right now than aggressive loan prepayment.

 

2. Evaluate Your Emergency Reserve
You have Rs.3 lakhs in FD and Rs.1.5 lakhs in gold.

 

That makes it Rs.4.5 lakhs total liquid safety.

 

Your EMI is Rs.46,000, and personal expenses will also be there.

 

Ideal emergency fund for you = 6 to 9 months of expenses + EMI.

 

That is around Rs.6 to Rs.8 lakhs minimum.

 

So current emergency fund is slightly lower than ideal.

 

Please don’t use this for loan prepayment now.

 

3. Assess the Role of Mutual Funds
You have Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds. That’s a solid step.

Now let’s assess whether to redeem this and prepay loan.

 

Should You Redeem Mutual Funds to Prepay?
Mutual funds, over long term, give better post-tax return than loan savings.

 

Loan interest is 8% to 9%, whereas mutual funds can give 11–13% in long term.

 

Especially if funds are equity-oriented and held for 5+ years.

 

You will also get capital gains tax exemption on Rs.1.25 lakhs LTCG annually.

 

If you redeem funds, you lose growth potential and compounding.

 

That hurts long-term wealth building.

 

So, do not redeem the entire Rs.11 lakhs in mutual funds.

 

4. Disadvantage of Early Loan Prepayment in Your Case
Prepaying early will reduce interest over time, yes.

 

But you may run into cash flow stress in slow months.

 

Once money is used to prepay, it cannot be taken back easily.

 

Liquidity once lost = flexibility lost.

 

Also, income tax benefit under Section 24(b) gets reduced if loan balance drops.

 

So it’s better to maintain balance between repayment and investment.

 

5. Best Strategy for You – A Balanced Approach
Let’s now craft the best plan for you.

 

Maintain Strong Liquidity First
Keep FD and gold untouched.

 

Increase emergency fund to at least Rs.6–Rs.7 lakhs.

 

For that, set aside extra Rs.2.5–Rs.3 lakhs from savings over time.

 

This makes your EMI safe even in low-income months.

 

Continue Your Mutual Fund SIPs Without Stopping
SIPs give long-term growth and beat loan interest in most cases.

 

Don’t stop mutual fund investments to prepay loan.

 

Stay invested. Let wealth compound.

 

Start Small and Periodic Prepayments
Don’t do bulk prepayment now. Do systematic small prepayments.

 

For example, Rs.25,000 to Rs.50,000 extra every 3–4 months.

 

When income is higher, use that surplus to prepay in parts.

 

Target 1–2 bulk part-payments per year.

 

This reduces tenure and interest slowly, without affecting liquidity.

 

Track Your Loan Amortisation Every 6 Months
Use netbanking or get a fresh loan statement every 6 months.

 

Check how each prepayment is reducing principal.

 

Adjust your strategy accordingly.

 

Avoid One-Time Full Prepayment
That would kill your long-term investment compounding.

 

Also removes your income tax benefit under Section 24(b).

 

Stay flexible. You are self-employed.

 

You need cash buffers more than salaried people.

 

Final Insights
Do not do bulk home loan prepayment from mutual funds now.

 

Keep SIPs going and maintain your compounding.

 

Grow your emergency fund to Rs.6–7 lakhs minimum.

 

Use surplus months to make small part-payments towards home loan.

 

This protects your peace and builds wealth at the same time.

 

Reassess in 2–3 years. You may be able to prepay more later.

 

You are already in a good financial position. Your thoughtful approach is praiseworthy.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |8334 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2025

Money
i wish to purchase new car i10, should i purchase the same through own money or should i take a vehicle loan from bank and the money own by my to be kept as FDR or liquid mutual fund
Ans: It’s a good sign that you’re thinking before buying a car. You’re not rushing into it. That shows maturity and smart thinking.

We will now evaluate own money vs vehicle loan — from every angle.

 

Understanding the Nature of a Car Purchase
A car is not an investment.

 

It is a consumption asset, not a growth asset.

 

It depreciates every year. Its value goes down, not up.

 

So the cheaper the total cost, the better for your wealth.

 

Option 1: Use Own Money Fully
Pros

No interest cost. You save on total expenses.

 

You are free from monthly EMI pressure.

 

Car becomes fully yours from day one.

 

No need to deal with bank, forms, hypothecation etc.

 

Cons

Your liquid money reduces.

 

You may not have enough cash for emergencies.

 

Opportunity loss if you had invested that money.

 

Option 2: Take Vehicle Loan & Keep Own Money in FDR or Liquid Mutual Fund
Let’s evaluate this with care.

Vehicle Loan Pros

You can preserve your savings for emergencies.

 

EMI can be budgeted monthly, if income is stable.

 

Some banks offer competitive interest rates.

 

Vehicle Loan Cons

You will pay interest on a depreciating item.

 

Loan adds to your monthly obligations.

 

You must pay insurance, EMI, fuel, and service together.

 

FDR and Liquid Mutual Funds give lower returns than loan cost.

 

So you will likely lose more in interest than you gain.

 

Let's Compare: Interest Rate vs Investment Return
Vehicle loan interest is usually 9% to 11% per year.

 

FDR gives around 6% to 7% before tax.

 

Liquid mutual funds give 6% to 7.5% on average.

 

So you pay more to the bank than you earn from investment.

 

Tax on interest or gains reduces actual return further.

 

This means taking a car loan and investing your own money leads to net loss.

 

Best Option for You: Smart Compromise Approach
Let me share a wise solution.

 

Don’t use full own money. Don’t take full loan either.

 

Instead, pay 70–80% from own funds.

 

Take a small car loan for the remaining 20–30% only.

 

This keeps EMI low and retains some liquidity.

 

You reduce interest cost and also keep Rs.50,000–Rs.1 lakh aside.

 

Park that in liquid fund for any urgent need.

 

Repay this small loan fast in 1–2 years.

 

Only Take a Car Loan If:
Your job income is stable.

 

You already have 3–6 months emergency fund ready.

 

You don’t have big loans running now.

 

You can pay EMI without affecting savings.

 

You commit to close the loan early.

 

Avoid This Mistake:
Never buy a more expensive car because loan makes it “feel affordable.”

 

Loan should not expand your car budget.

 

Whether you buy with loan or cash, pick a simple car within limits.

 

i10 is a wise, middle-ground choice. Good thought.

 

Tax Angle (If Business Use)
If you are using the car for business, vehicle loan interest may be tax-deductible.

 

But for personal use, there is no tax benefit.

 

So do not take loan just for imagined tax saving.

 

Final Insights
A car is a need, not an investment.

 

Using your own money fully keeps things simple and cheap.

 

Taking a full car loan and investing the money gives net negative return.

 

Best option is a split approach — pay major part from own funds.

 

Take small loan only if needed and close it early.

 

Always keep emergency money aside before buying.

 

Avoid emotional buying or overbudget cars.

 

Your financially balanced approach is very appreciable.

 

Best Regards,
 
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
 
Chief Financial Planner,
 
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1600 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 12, 2025

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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