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Boyfriend criticizes my law school competition - how do I deal with his negativity?

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Oct 30, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 19, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I'm in relationship with a boy since 7.5 years i am a law student and recently i participated in moort court competition and unfortunately i was told to him that i was in competition but when i told him i participated in competition he was like how can you participated i didn't like that you participated in any competition. He told me that he was not participating in any competition then why you would do that (he is computer science engineering student) he told me like your competition is bigger than relation you only focus on you career . How can i deal with him he always thought i lied to him and he starting abusing me ????

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
All I see in your definition of your partner is an overly controlling person who is not supportive of your career; so what if you participated in a competition? How does that affect your relationship? Why does he have a say in that at all? I am sure he has good qualities too, but this part of him should not be excused.

I would also like to remind you that abuse, in any form, should never be tolerated, no matter how long you have been dating. Your safety and respect should always be your priority. Please reconsider this relationship; if you can't do so, at least address these issues head-on. He should not think that this behavior is acceptable. Don't ignore the warning signs.

Best wishes.

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

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Hello mam. I am in a relationship with a boy and we both love each other and also want to get married but he doesn’t trust me at all.I tell him everything, yet he thinks I am a liar and alleges that am cheating on him. He doubts me in every single thing even he don't allow me to talk to any guy or girl not even my friends and he doesn't like when I step out from my home.  He gets scared when I step out or get to my college. He keeps reminding me to not to cheat or not to talk with anybody. All these things got me into stress and frustration and I feel so bad that the person I love doesn't trust me.We had lot of fights because of this. He abuses me and makes me angry. As I am a college going student, I can't manage my studies because of fights and his bad behaviour.He always tries to prove me wrong and make me feel guilty. He thinks very bad about me and makes his own stories adding fake stories and allegations.  In the past 2 years there is not a single day when I didn't have to explain him. But he is not ready to accept. He only wants to hear what he thinks not the real truth if I say that u are misunderstanding me he says no he is 100% right and you are wrong. One of his friends put one story 2 years ago with a girl hiding her face and the top she is wearing on that picture. I have the same top and he knows it. He doubted that the girl is me. I am tired answering his doubts. I got so much anger and feel disrespectful.I love him; he is my first and one and only boyfriend.  I do everything for him. But he treats me rudely he always starts his conversation with doubt like: where are you coming from? even if I didn't go anywhere he thinks that I went somewhere to meet someone. He tortures and abuses me like this. Every time I forgive him but he kept repeating that behaviour.  I can't even live without him. I give him my love, time...my everything.  But I didn't get anything. He thinks that I always do things by planning but I don't. He thinks that I always want to ruin his life, break his heart or cheat him but that's all wrong. He is making his mind so negative he thinks so negative about me. Because of his doubts problem I don't talk to anybody -- no friends, no guys but he thinks that I am talking to any guy and I'm lying that I don't I give every possible proof but he didn't trust me at all.He thinks that I tell people about him I gossip about him but I didn't do that I didn't even talk to anybody. He doesn't even want to breakup with me. I explained him that for our peace we have to separate he didn't want that also. He put such bad allegations on me about my character, my sexual status. I am a virgin but I didn't accept that. He makes me feel so sad and helpless I don't know what to do I’m helpless I didn't even share these things with anyone. Sometimes I feel suicidal also.  He has just all control over my life my mind but also he didn't give me respect, love or value. Plzzz help me mam what should I do with his doubts and trust issue. I am so depressed, plzzzz help me out. I’m stuck in it.
Ans:

Dear BM,

Have you heard of emotional abuse? That is exactly what you have been facing.

And why are you putting up with this? Because you maybe feel a sense of validation in this relationship.

What sort of a relationship demands constant proving and to the extent of having to prove that you are a virgin.

How is it any of anyone’s business whether you are a virgin or not? This relationship is toxic and has begun to alter your personality and who you are meant to be.

Take charge and NOW. Be YOU and what you always stood up for, because all this putting up with his idiosyncrasies, is causing you pain and moreover your inner self does not want to allow it.

Yet you are stuck to it giving yourself the story that he is the only boyfriend. BREATHE, take a step back and OBSERVE.

It’s time for you to draw out a beautiful life ahead of you and colour it as brightly as you intend.

What exactly are you waiting for? More abuses, more toxicity to hit and dampen your sprightly spirit?

Get a hold of yourself dear girl, be brave and do the right thing. Help yourself…Seek close friends who will hold space for you!

You can do this. Best wishes!

..Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1410 Answers  |Ask -

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7363 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 22, 2024Hindi
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I have lost money around 8 lakhs in gambling now i want to restart my life fresh i need to settle my debts and loan with bank and NBFCs is it possible to settle money at 70 percent waived off
Ans: Restarting your life after financial setbacks is possible with a disciplined approach. Settling your debts with banks and NBFCs requires a strategic plan, negotiation, and commitment. Here's a 360-degree approach to help you resolve your situation:

Assess Your Current Financial Position
List All Debts: Create a detailed list of all outstanding loans and debts, including principal, interest, and penalties.

Identify Income Sources: Calculate your monthly income and any other sources of funds.

Evaluate Essential Expenses: Identify non-negotiable expenses such as rent, food, utilities, and transport.

Determine Negotiable Debts: Focus on debts with higher interest rates or legal implications.

Negotiating with Lenders
Possibility of Settling at 70% Waiver
Banks and NBFCs Are Open to Negotiation: They prefer recovering some amount rather than declaring a loan as non-performing.

Settlement Terms Vary: Each lender may have unique policies. Some might agree to 70% waiver, but others may not.

Present Your Case Transparently: Show proof of your financial hardship. Explain your inability to pay in full.

Request a One-Time Settlement (OTS): Offer to pay a lump sum of the waived-off amount to close the debt.

Steps to Negotiate Effectively
Reach Out to the Right Department: Contact the collections or recovery department of your lender.

Seek Professional Help: A certified financial planner or debt resolution expert can negotiate on your behalf.

Prepare a Settlement Plan: Propose a realistic amount you can pay. Mention the sources for this payment.

Ask for Written Confirmation: Ensure the lender provides a formal agreement on the waived-off amount.

Negotiate for Reduced Interest and Penalties: Request removal of penalties and reduction of interest rates.

Managing Your Financial Obligations
Repayment Strategy
Prioritise High-Interest Loans: Focus on clearing loans with higher interest rates first.

Consolidate Debts: Consider consolidating multiple loans into one with a lower interest rate.

Use Liquid Assets Wisely: If you have savings or assets, use them to reduce your debt burden.

Building a Fresh Financial Foundation
Avoid Gambling and High-Risk Activities
Adopt Healthy Habits: Seek professional help if gambling is an addiction. Join support groups like Gamblers Anonymous.

Focus on Financial Literacy: Learn to manage your money effectively through courses or books.

Create a Budget and Emergency Fund
Track Income and Expenses: Use apps or spreadsheets to monitor your financial activity.

Save for Emergencies: Set aside 3–6 months of expenses as a safety net.

Restart Investments Gradually
Start with SIPs: Begin investing small amounts in mutual funds. Avoid direct stock trading initially.

Build a Retirement Corpus: Plan for long-term financial security systematically.

Final Insights
Rebuilding your life after a financial setback takes effort but is achievable. Focus on negotiating your debts transparently and settling them systematically. Learn from past mistakes and adopt disciplined financial habits. Restart your journey with renewed confidence and a commitment to avoid risky behaviours. Seek professional guidance when needed to make informed decisions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |806 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 27, 2024

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