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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 26, 2024

Kanchan Rai has 10 years of experience in therapy, nurturing soft skills and leadership coaching. She is the founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, which offers mindfulness workshops to help people stay emotionally and mentally healthy.
Rai has a degree in leadership development and customer centricity from Harvard Business School, Boston. She is an internationally certified coach from the International Coaching Federation, a global organisation in professional coaching.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 26, 2024Hindi
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Relationship

I'm married for 47 years . Well settled My wife dislikes sex intimacy, but in need atleast hugging and kissing. My nature is not to demand. How can I overcome my depression?

Ans: Navigating intimacy issues in a long-term marriage can be deeply challenging, especially when it leads to feelings of depression. Given your situation, it's important to approach this delicately and thoughtfully.

Start by opening a gentle and honest conversation with your wife about your feelings. It's crucial to express your emotions without making her feel blamed or pressured. Emphasize that you’re seeking a way to connect more deeply and address your emotional needs. This can help both of you understand each other's perspectives and work towards a solution that respects both of your boundaries and desires.

Consider seeking professional help. Seeing a therapist, either individually or as a couple, can be immensely beneficial. A therapist can provide strategies for coping with depression and navigating the emotional complexities of your situation. Couples therapy offers a safe space to discuss intimacy issues and find mutually agreeable solutions.

Focusing on self-care and your overall well-being is also important. Engage in activities that promote mental and physical health, such as regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, getting sufficient sleep, and practicing mindfulness or meditation. These activities can help improve your mood and manage feelings of depression.

Strengthening your social connections outside of your marriage can also be beneficial. Spending time with friends, family, or participating in community activities can provide emotional support and reduce feelings of loneliness. Engaging in hobbies or interests that bring you joy can also be a great way to boost your mood and overall happiness.

Additionally, consider exploring different forms of physical affection that your wife might be comfortable with. Even if sexual intimacy is not possible, other forms of physical closeness like hugging, holding hands, or gentle massages can help maintain a sense of connection and intimacy in your relationship.

Remember, it's okay to seek help and take steps towards improving your mental health. Addressing these issues can lead to a stronger, more understanding relationship and a better sense of personal well-being.

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Asked by Anonymous - Oct 24, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi, I am 51 year old male having one son 21 years. Myself and my wife love each other very much however there is no intimacy between us for nearly 12 years now for a simple reason that my wife doesn't want it. I am now frustrated. I feel physically strangulated. One of friends asked me seek pleasure outside but i am avert to it. I want feel very depressed sometimes and get a strong urge but to no help. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
You are not alone! There are many couples in this age bracket who have very mismatched sexual urges; but that doesn't take the fact away that there is a marriage and love within it, right?

What do we do when children grow from a baby to a adult? Every phase requires us to interact with them very differently. From being instructional to giving them their space, we have managed it all...How? Because we have acknowledged that children grow up and that we need to keep adapting to suit their minds and their age then.

It's the same with marriage as well. It's not fair to expect that your wife will be sexually active and highly charged up like she used to in the early days of marriage. She possibly is going through her perimenopause or some changes emotionally that is possibly deterring her from getting intimate. Talk to her, care for her, support her and also know that there are other forms of sexual intimacy other than sex alone. Start slowly, like you are still dating and bring back the spice element. Get a general check-up done to rule out any deficiencies in terms of vitamins so that this can be added as supplements.

Now, does this mean that she will be back with the energy and urge of a 25-year old? Possibly not, but at least it will give you both time to appreciate that there are phases in life and to accept this calls for maturity and a great deal of understanding. So, start by talking about it and take it slowly...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Hello Sir, this is Dhiraj DM, I am 48 year's old married with no kids, we have any flat worth 1. 5 cr given on rent around 50 lakhs of equity 20 lacs mutual funds we want to retire in next 3 years,please guide. We live in a metro no liability, we r into Gifting business now want to retire in next 3 years
Ans: Your retirement is just three years away. You have built a strong foundation with real estate, equity, and mutual funds. Now, the goal is to structure your investments for steady income, security, and long-term sustainability.

1. Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Flat Worth Rs. 1.5 Crore: This generates rental income, but liquidity is limited.
Equity Portfolio of Rs. 50 Lakh: Market-linked investments with potential for high returns but volatile.
Mutual Funds of Rs. 20 Lakh: Offers diversification and moderate risk exposure.
No Liabilities: This is a strong advantage for financial freedom.
Gifting Business: If planning to exit, ensure business-related finances are sorted before retirement.
2. Estimating Post-Retirement Income Needs
Calculate expected monthly expenses, including medical, travel, lifestyle, and emergency costs.
Factor in inflation, as expenses will rise over time.
Consider long-term costs such as medical care and home maintenance.
3. Structuring Retirement Income
Rental Income as a Fixed Source
Your flat generates rental income, which helps with stability.
Consider reinvesting this income for further growth.
Portfolio Rebalancing for Stability
Equity exposure is beneficial but risky close to retirement.
Shift some funds to low-risk instruments for safety.
Keep some allocation to equity to combat inflation.
Maintaining Liquidity for Emergencies
Create an emergency fund of at least 2 years' expenses in liquid assets.
Avoid relying solely on investments that require selling in volatile markets.
4. Health and Insurance Planning
Ensure comprehensive health insurance for both of you, at least Rs. 15-20 lakh coverage.
If you hold any old insurance policies with low returns, consider restructuring them.
Create a separate healthcare fund for long-term medical expenses.
5. Tax Efficiency in Retirement
Structure withdrawals smartly to reduce tax burden on capital gains.
Use tax-free instruments where applicable.
Rental income is taxable, so deduct maintenance expenses to lower tax outgo.
6. Planning Investments for Retirement Income
Avoid complete reliance on fixed-income instruments, as they may not beat inflation.
A mix of mutual funds, debt instruments, and systematic withdrawal plans (SWP) will ensure steady cash flow.
Keep some investments growth-oriented to sustain wealth over decades.
7. Estate and Legacy Planning
Prepare a clear will to ensure smooth asset transfer.
If you plan to donate or support causes, structure funds accordingly.
Finally
Ensure liquidity and stability in your investments.
Reduce risk in equity but keep exposure for growth.
Maintain a dedicated healthcare fund and strong insurance coverage.
Structure investments to minimise taxes and ensure steady income.
Plan legacy and succession to avoid future complications.
Would you like a detailed plan on how to allocate your investments for steady retirement income?

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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