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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 15, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Rajiv Question by Rajiv on Apr 14, 2024Hindi
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Money

I would like to take your advise on the names of funds to be invested in the categories mentioned by you and also periodic assessment of the progress and changes required. I am investing out of my PF interest which I get monthly. How will you help me? What will be the system? How periodically will you review and what frequency? Will you give any report on assessment? What will be your fees? As I am doing it for Son, I wish it will be a good amount I can gift him as a father.

Ans: You can check the details in my profile please. https://gurus.rediff.com/question/guru/ramalingam-kalirajan/137

Please search for "online financial planning & Retirement planning services with a Holistic Approach" in Google and then follow the below steps with the results.

Research: Start by researching reputable brokerage firms that offer mutual fund advisory services. Look for firms with a strong track record, experienced financial advisors, and a range of services tailored to your needs.

Consultation: Schedule a consultation with the brokerage firm to discuss your financial goals, risk tolerance, investment preferences, and other relevant factors. This initial meeting will help the advisor understand your needs and recommend suitable investment strategies.

Advisory Services: Once you've selected a brokerage firm, the advisor will work with you to develop a personalized mutual fund investment plan. They will recommend specific funds based on your financial objectives and provide ongoing guidance to help you navigate the market.

Regular Reviews: Schedule periodic reviews with your advisor to assess the performance of your mutual fund investments, review changes in your financial situation, and make any necessary adjustments to your investment strategy.


By following these steps, you can access the expertise of professional brokerages to assist you in financial planning and investment management.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 27, 2024

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Hallo Sir, I'm Railway employee, aged 33 yrs, married and glad to have 8 months baby boy. My gross income Rs. 8,00,000/- Per annum... I have House building lone of Rs. 31,000/- pm. After all expenditure of per month. Deduction of NPS fund are there per month as the guide line of govt. Except the NPS deduction I have PPF account where I'm Investing of Rs. 1,500/-pm. Now I am determined to invest of Rs. 17,000/- pm per month to secure the future of my son and I have a long term goal minimum of 10 years. May please advise me where I shoud invest the Rs. 17,000/- pm. Let me also know how to invest the aforesaid amount in different ways to earn maximum profit. Thanking you in anticipation.
Ans: Congratulations on the newest addition to your family! It's heartwarming to see your dedication to securing your son's future. With a clear goal of investing Rs. 17,000 per month for the next 10 years, you're taking a significant step towards long-term financial stability.

Considering your circumstances, it's wise to explore a diversified investment approach tailored to your risk tolerance and financial goals. This might include a mix of equity mutual funds, debt instruments, and possibly even some exposure to balanced or hybrid funds.

By diversifying your investments, you spread risk and maximize potential returns over the long term. Remember, investing is a journey, and it's crucial to stay focused on your goals while navigating market fluctuations.

Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance aligned with your aspirations. Together, you can craft a robust investment strategy that caters to your son's future needs and ensures financial security for your growing family.

Your commitment to securing your son's future is truly commendable, and with strategic planning and prudent investment choices, you're laying a solid foundation for his bright tomorrow.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 12, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi I wanted to build big corpus for my disabled son who is 3 years old. He don't want work or struggle in his life after my death. I want to invest my life time savings of 60 lacs in lump sum in below mutual fund schemes. And then continue the SIP in all the funds for next 25 years. Please let me know whether I am on right path. 1. ICICI prudential nifty 50 index fund direct growth 2. Parag parikh flexi cap fund direct growth 3. Nippon India small cap fund direct growth 4. ICICI value discovery fund direct growth 5. Quant Midcap fund My combined salary income from my wife and myself is 2.4 lacs we are of same age 33 and mothly expense is around 1 lac. For my retirement I have small agricultural land current worth of 1 crore at present, other savings like ppf, pf, gold , 60 lacs at present and I am going to sell it off all these after 25 years for the retirement expenses for myself and my wife. Above mutual fund money is only for my son . hope my fund selection and above plan is good one .please suggest
Ans: First of all, it’s truly admirable that you are planning for your son’s financial security well in advance. Your goals of building a sizeable corpus for your son, without him having to worry about his future, are heartfelt and achievable with proper planning.

Your combined salary of Rs. 2.4 lakh per month and monthly expenses of Rs. 1 lakh give you a comfortable margin for savings. The fact that you are focused on using your Rs. 60 lakh life savings for your son’s future and keeping the agricultural land for your retirement shows that you are clear about your objectives.

However, there are a few things to reassess in your current plan, particularly regarding your fund selection and the potential risks involved.

Reassessing Index Fund Investments
While it may seem that investing in index funds like the ICICI Prudential Nifty 50 Index Fund Direct Growth can give you exposure to the top companies in the country, this approach has certain limitations.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Lack of Flexibility: Index funds are passively managed and follow the market index. They cannot adapt quickly during market downturns. So, when markets fall, the fund's value can drop significantly.

No Outperformance: Index funds only aim to replicate the market performance. They don’t strive to beat the market, which can limit the potential for higher returns over time, especially over a long horizon of 25 years. In contrast, actively managed funds can outperform during bullish markets and provide better returns.

No Cushion in Bear Markets: Actively managed funds can cushion market falls by allocating resources into safer stocks or sectors when the market sentiment turns negative. Index funds, on the other hand, have to follow the index, regardless of the market situation.

Assessing Direct Funds
Direct plans of mutual funds usually have lower expense ratios than regular plans, which can translate to slightly better returns. However, there are some disadvantages, especially for long-term and large goals like the one you have for your son.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

No Professional Guidance: Direct plans leave you on your own to decide where and how much to invest. While this may seem cost-effective, over 25 years, professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can be invaluable, especially in dealing with changing market conditions or rebalancing your portfolio.

Difficulties in Managing Portfolio: With multiple direct funds, it can become overwhelming to manage and track the performance of each one. A Certified Financial Planner can help you rebalance your portfolio periodically, ensure proper diversification, and adjust investments based on life changes or market conditions.

Potential to Miss Out on Opportunities: A qualified financial planner can identify growth opportunities, new funds, or even better-performing funds, which may be missed when managing investments independently.

Active Funds as a Preferred Choice
To build a big corpus over a long period of 25 years, actively managed mutual funds tend to perform better than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers in stock selection and timing the market cycles. Here’s why:

Better Returns Potential: Active funds, especially those with a strong track record, aim to outperform the market. Over a long period, this outperformance can result in significantly larger corpus compared to index funds.

Flexibility in Stock Selection: Fund managers can pick and choose stocks that are expected to outperform based on market conditions, industry trends, or specific company performance, which is crucial for long-term wealth creation.

Tactical Rebalancing: Active funds adjust their allocations depending on market cycles and economic changes, which can reduce downside risk and enhance returns.

Evaluating Your Fund Selection
Let’s now evaluate the current funds you’ve chosen for your son’s corpus and retirement goals.

1. Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund
Suitability: This fund provides exposure to both domestic and international markets, giving you good diversification. It’s an actively managed fund, and flexi-cap funds can adjust between large, mid, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

Risk & Return: The fund can offer strong returns over the long term but has higher volatility than pure large-cap funds. Given your 25-year horizon, this volatility can be managed.

2. Nippon India Small Cap Fund
Suitability: Small-cap funds have the potential for high growth but are also very volatile. Over a 25-year period, these funds can generate strong returns, but they come with the risk of significant fluctuations in the short term.

Risk & Return: Small-cap funds are best suited for aggressive investors with a long-term horizon, like you. However, consider limiting the allocation to small-cap funds due to their high-risk nature.

3. ICICI Value Discovery Fund
Suitability: This fund follows a value-investing approach, which aims to pick undervalued stocks with strong long-term growth potential. This can be a good complement to your portfolio.

Risk & Return: It’s a well-diversified fund that balances risk and reward, and can be part of your portfolio for stable, long-term growth.

4. Quant Midcap Fund
Suitability: Mid-cap funds strike a balance between risk and return. They have more growth potential than large-caps but are less risky than small-caps.

Risk & Return: Over 25 years, mid-cap funds can be a strong contributor to wealth creation. However, like small-cap funds, they are subject to short-term volatility.

Suggested Portfolio Strategy
Given your plan to secure your son’s financial future, you need a well-diversified portfolio that balances growth and risk. Here’s a more balanced approach to your investment strategy:

Recommended Portfolio:

Large-Cap and Flexi-Cap Funds (40%): These funds will provide stability and steady returns over the long term. While large-cap funds focus on blue-chip stocks, flexi-cap funds provide flexibility across all market capitalizations.

Mid-Cap Funds (30%): These funds are ideal for long-term growth and will help boost the overall corpus. However, keep the allocation to a moderate level to balance the risk.

Small-Cap Funds (20%): Small-cap funds can offer explosive growth potential over 25 years but are risky in the short term. Keep this allocation limited to avoid exposing the entire corpus to high risk.

Balanced or Hybrid Funds (10%): To add some stability to your portfolio, consider adding balanced funds that invest in both equity and debt. This will help protect against extreme volatility while providing moderate growth.

SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Since you are also planning to continue with Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) for the next 25 years, you are on the right track. SIPs will help in averaging the purchase price of units and reduce the risk of investing lump sums at market peaks.

Benefits of SIP:

Rupee Cost Averaging: SIPs ensure you are investing across market cycles, averaging out the purchase price over time.

Disciplined Investment: Regular investments over 25 years will help you accumulate a significant corpus without the emotional burden of market timing.

Retirement Planning for You and Your Wife
Although your focus is currently on securing your son’s financial future, it’s also essential to review your retirement planning. While you have an agricultural land worth Rs. 1 crore, relying entirely on it for retirement could be risky due to market and valuation changes in the future.

Consider diversifying your retirement savings into liquid assets like mutual funds and other safer instruments. A combination of equity and debt mutual funds for retirement can provide stability and growth over time.

Final Insights
You have taken excellent steps toward ensuring financial security for your disabled son. Your decision to invest a significant amount for long-term growth is well thought out. However, it’s crucial to reassess the reliance on index and direct funds and opt for actively managed funds through a certified financial planner. By diversifying your portfolio with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, you can strike a balance between risk and return.

Additionally, continuing SIPs for 25 years is a sound strategy for long-term wealth accumulation. Keep your focus on disciplined investing, and consider adding some hybrid or balanced funds to manage volatility.

Lastly, review your retirement planning and ensure you have adequate liquid assets aside from the agricultural land. This will give you peace of mind, knowing that both your son's future and your retirement are secure.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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