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New to SIPs: Seeking Guidance on Fund Selection

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jul 02, 2024Hindi
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I wanted to invest in SIP, but I dont have much of knowledge in it. Can anyone suggest some good funds and details aboit how to select the funds.

Ans: Investing in SIPs is a great choice for building wealth. SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds.

Evaluating Fund Options

Choosing the right funds is crucial. You should aim for a balanced portfolio with various fund types.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds are handled by experts. These funds often perform better than index funds. The professional management helps in optimizing returns and reducing risks.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require more knowledge and active management. They lack professional guidance. Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures better decisions and better portfolio management.

Steps to Select Good Funds

Assess Your Goals: Understand your financial goals. This will help in choosing the right fund types.

Risk Appetite: Know your risk tolerance. Different funds have different risk levels.

Performance Track Record: Look at the fund's historical performance. Consistency over the years is key.

Fund Manager: Check the experience and track record of the fund manager. Experienced managers often deliver better results.

Expense Ratio: Lower expense ratios can lead to higher returns. But, ensure it doesn’t compromise on quality management.

Recommendations

Seek Professional Advice: Consult a CFP. They can guide you in selecting the best funds based on your goals and risk appetite.

Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and balanced funds. Diversification reduces risk and improves returns.

Final Insights

Investing in SIPs is a smart way to grow your wealth. Choose actively managed funds for better performance. Consult a Certified Financial Planner to ensure your investments align with your financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 26, 2024Hindi
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Hello sir, I am just new in sip. I wanted to what will be the best way to start? Which ones to choose to get good returns in long term? My risk appetite is medium or above. Thank you
Ans: Starting Your SIP Journey: A Guide for New Investors
Welcome to the world of SIPs! Starting your SIP journey is an exciting step towards building wealth for the future. Let's explore the best way for you to begin and identify suitable investment options for achieving good returns over the long term.


Congratulations on taking the initiative to start your SIP journey! Your decision to invest in SIPs demonstrates a proactive approach towards securing your financial future.

Understanding Your Investment Goals and Risk Appetite
Investment Goals:
Define your financial goals and objectives, considering factors such as retirement planning, wealth creation, or education funding.
Establishing clear investment goals will help you select SIPs that align with your objectives.
Risk Appetite:
Assess your risk tolerance to determine your comfort level with market volatility.
Since you indicate a medium to high risk appetite, you may consider equity-oriented SIPs for potentially higher returns.
Choosing SIPs for Long-Term Growth
Equity Mutual Funds:
Equity mutual funds have historically delivered higher returns over the long term compared to other asset classes.
Consider diversified equity funds, large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, or thematic funds based on your risk appetite and investment horizon.
Balanced Funds:
Balanced funds, also known as hybrid funds, offer a mix of equity and debt investments, providing a balanced approach to risk and return.
These funds can be suitable for investors seeking moderate risk exposure with relatively stable returns.
Thematic Funds:
Thematic funds invest in specific sectors or themes, offering exposure to emerging trends or industries.
While thematic funds can potentially generate higher returns, they also carry higher risk due to concentrated exposure.
Constructing Your SIP Portfolio
Diversification:
Maintain a well-diversified SIP portfolio across different asset classes, sectors, and fund categories to reduce risk.
Avoid concentration in any single investment or sector to mitigate the impact of market fluctuations.
Regular Review and Rebalancing:
Periodically review your SIP portfolio to assess performance and ensure alignment with your financial goals.
Consider rebalancing your portfolio if necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Getting Started with SIPs
Selecting SIPs:
Research and shortlist mutual funds based on their track record, fund manager expertise, investment philosophy, and risk-adjusted returns.
Consult with a Certified Financial Planner to identify SIPs that align with your financial goals and risk profile.
Systematic Investing:
Start your SIPs with an amount you are comfortable investing regularly, considering your cash flow and financial obligations.
Set up SIPs for a fixed amount at regular intervals (e.g., monthly or quarterly) to benefit from rupee cost averaging.
Conclusion: Embarking on Your SIP Journey
Starting your SIP journey requires careful consideration of your investment goals, risk appetite, and fund selection. By choosing suitable SIPs aligned with your long-term financial goals and regularly monitoring your portfolio's performance, you can lay a solid foundation for wealth creation.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 28, 2024Hindi
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Sir i want to invest in sip my monthly saving will be between 1000 to 2500 Rs please advice.
Ans: It's great that you're looking to start investing through SIPs with your monthly savings! Here's some advice tailored to your budget:

Start Small: Even with a modest monthly savings of Rs. 1000 to 2500, you can begin investing through SIPs. The key is to start early and remain consistent with your contributions.
Choose Low-Cost Funds: Look for mutual funds with low expense ratios, as they minimize the impact of fees on your returns. Opt for direct plans of mutual funds to save on distribution expenses.
Focus on Equity Funds: Given your long-term investment horizon, consider investing in equity mutual funds. These funds have the potential to deliver higher returns over the long run, although they come with higher volatility.
Diversify Your Portfolio: Select a mix of different types of equity funds, such as large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds, to spread your risk across various market segments. Diversification can help mitigate the impact of market fluctuations.
Stay Invested for the Long Term: SIPs work best when you stay invested for the long term, allowing your investments to benefit from the power of compounding. Aim to invest consistently over several years to maximize your returns.
Review and Adjust: Periodically review your SIP investments to ensure they align with your financial goals and risk tolerance. You may need to adjust your investment strategy based on changes in your financial situation or market conditions.
Stay Informed: Take the time to educate yourself about mutual funds, investment strategies, and market trends. This knowledge will empower you to make informed decisions and stay on track with your financial goals.
Consult a Financial Advisor: If you're unsure about which funds to invest in or how to construct your investment portfolio, consider consulting a financial advisor. They can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals.
By following these tips and starting your SIP journey with discipline and patience, you can gradually build wealth over time and work towards achieving your financial objectives. Remember, every rupee invested today can make a difference in securing your financial future tomorrow.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hlo sir, im vijaylaxmi 24 yrs old i want to do sip please suggest which fund is best to invest
Ans: Vijaylaxmi, it’s great that you want to start investing at the young age of 24.

Starting early gives you the benefit of time.

Your investment horizon is likely to be long, which is ideal for SIP investments.

Before selecting any fund, it's important to understand your financial goals.

You need to assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives.

Since you are young, you can afford to take some risk, but that should align with your comfort level.

If you want to build wealth over the long term, equity mutual funds would suit your needs.

They have the potential to offer higher returns in the long run compared to other asset classes.

However, you should stay invested for at least 5-7 years to ride out market fluctuations.

Diversification Across Funds

It’s crucial to diversify your investments across different fund categories.

Diversification will reduce risk by spreading your money across different sectors and asset classes.

You can consider investing in large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, and mid-cap funds for diversification.

Each type of fund comes with its own level of risk and potential return.

Large-cap funds are more stable, while mid-cap and multi-cap funds can offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.

Why Not Index Funds?

You might hear people suggesting index funds, but let’s evaluate them.

Index funds simply track a market index like Nifty 50 or Sensex.

They don’t have active fund management, which means there’s no expert to make decisions during market ups and downs.

Although they have lower costs, their returns may not always outperform actively managed funds.

With actively managed funds, a professional fund manager selects stocks, making adjustments to take advantage of market opportunities.

The Benefits of SIP in Actively Managed Funds

SIP or Systematic Investment Plan is an excellent way to invest in mutual funds.

It helps you invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions.

This instills financial discipline and reduces the impact of market volatility through rupee cost averaging.

You won’t need to worry about timing the market; SIP takes care of that for you.

Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially when you stay invested over the long term.

When you invest through SIP in an actively managed fund, you get the expertise of a fund manager making strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

Now, let’s talk about the mode of investment.

Direct funds may seem attractive because they have lower expense ratios, but investing through regular funds offers benefits.

Regular funds give you access to the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD).

Their advice can help you make informed decisions about your portfolio, especially if market conditions change.

A regular plan allows you to get ongoing support for your investment journey.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can help you align your portfolio with your financial goals.

They bring a deeper understanding of markets and can help optimize your asset allocation over time.

Flexibility in Fund Choices

While selecting funds, ensure that you pick flexible options.

Some funds are rigid and only invest in a certain category of stocks, which can limit their performance during different market cycles.

Flexible funds, like multi-cap funds, allow the fund manager to shift between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

This flexibility can increase the fund’s chances of delivering consistent returns over time.

Equity Fund for Long-Term Goals

If your goal is long-term wealth creation, equity mutual funds are your best bet.

They generally outperform debt funds, FDs, and other conservative instruments over time.

Equity funds can offer better inflation-adjusted returns.

These funds invest in the stock market, which is why their potential for growth is higher.

However, they come with short-term volatility.

So, it’s important to have patience and a long-term perspective when investing in equity funds.

Growth or Dividend Option?

When investing in mutual funds, you will have to choose between the growth and dividend options.

Since you are young and likely looking to accumulate wealth, the growth option is more suited for you.

The growth option allows your investment to compound over time, as any profits earned by the fund are reinvested into the fund.

The dividend option provides periodic payouts, which is more suitable for investors seeking regular income.

In your case, you may not need regular income right now, so the growth option will help you build a larger corpus in the long run.

Taxation on Mutual Funds

When investing in mutual funds, it’s important to understand the tax implications.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) are taxed at 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

This means if you sell your equity mutual fund units before three years, the gains will be taxed as STCG.

If you hold the fund for longer than three years, any gains above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed as LTCG.

Since your investment horizon is long-term, this will work in your favor as you can take advantage of the LTCG benefit.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income

In the future, when you achieve your financial goals, you can convert your SIP investments into a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money from your investment at regular intervals.

This is an effective way to create a steady stream of income from your mutual fund investment.

It can be particularly useful for retirement planning.

Since you are young, you have plenty of time to grow your investments before you need to rely on SWP.

Final Insights

At the age of 24, starting an SIP is a brilliant move.

Your time horizon allows you to take on equity market risks, which can result in higher long-term returns.

Diversify your investments across different fund categories to balance risk and return.

Actively managed funds offer better prospects than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers.

Choosing the growth option will help you accumulate wealth faster, as your profits will be reinvested.

Remember to stay invested for at least 5-7 years to maximize your returns.

As you move forward, work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio and make adjustments when necessary.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1413 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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