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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Bharat Question by Bharat on May 17, 2024Hindi
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I have taken lic of edelweise and paid 1 st premium 525000 rs. last year 28/03/2023 but current year I left my job so can not able to pay 525000 rs and I have too much financial problem I ask to return my money but company said strongly no and never for remain life so my question is can I get money back or not

Ans: I'm sorry to hear about your financial situation. Navigating through insurance policies, especially when facing financial difficulties, can be challenging. Here’s what you can do to understand your options better:

Understand the Policy Terms
Read the Policy Document:
Carefully review the terms and conditions of your Edelweiss insurance policy. The policy document will provide details about the free-look period, surrender value, and any penalties associated with early termination.

Free-Look Period:
If you are within the free-look period (usually 15 to 30 days from the date you received the policy document), you can cancel the policy and get a refund after deducting administrative charges. However, since you mentioned that you purchased the policy last year, this option might not be available.

Surrendering the Policy
Surrender Value:
Check if your policy has a surrender value. Most insurance policies have a surrender value that you can claim if you terminate the policy early. However, policies generally accrue surrender value only after a certain number of premiums have been paid, often after the first two or three years.

Surrender Charges:
Be aware that surrendering the policy before the stipulated period can attract surrender charges, which can significantly reduce the amount you receive back.

Loan Against Policy
Policy Loan:
If your policy has acquired a surrender value, you might be eligible to take a loan against it. This can provide you with immediate funds without surrendering the policy.

Contact Edelweiss Life Insurance
Customer Support:
Contact Edelweiss Life Insurance's customer support or your insurance agent. Explain your financial situation and inquire about any flexibility in premium payments, possible policy loans, or partial withdrawals if your policy allows.

Defer Premium Payment:
Some insurance companies may offer options to defer premium payments or convert the policy to a paid-up status, where the coverage amount is reduced based on the premiums already paid.

Explore Financial Assistance
Alternative Financing:
Look for other ways to manage your financial problems, such as personal loans, financial assistance from family or friends, or exploring government aid programs if available.

Legal Advice
Consult a Financial Advisor or Lawyer:
If you face resistance from the insurance company or need clarity on your rights, consulting a certified financial planner or a lawyer specializing in insurance can provide you with tailored advice.

Practical Steps to Take
Review Policy Terms: Read your policy document carefully to understand the surrender value and any charges.

Contact Insurer: Speak to Edelweiss Life Insurance for detailed information about your options and any possible assistance they can provide.

Consider a Loan: Explore the possibility of taking a loan against the policy if it has accrued value.

Seek Legal Advice: If needed, consult with a financial advisor or legal expert to explore all possible avenues.

Summary
While it may be difficult to get a full refund, understanding your policy’s terms and exploring options like policy loans or surrendering can help mitigate financial stress. Always communicate with your insurer and seek professional advice to make an informed decision.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 21, 2024

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I took loan and gave my friend rs.3 lacs. He didn't pay me back till now. Now, the loan came for settlement and I am clearing it month on month after speaking with the collection team. Current situation I am not able apply for any loan and even not able to purchase a mobile for myself in EMI. How should I get my cibil scores corrected and get eligible for loans Also, I came to know he purposely not giving my money back. How to recover my hard earned money from him legally. Is this possible
Ans: Understanding Your Financial Situation
You loaned Rs. 3 lakhs to a friend who has not repaid you. This has affected your ability to get loans and purchase items on EMI due to your current financial situation and credit score. Let's explore steps to improve your CIBIL score and recover your money legally.

Improving Your CIBIL Score
Regular Payments
To improve your CIBIL score, continue making regular payments on your existing loan. Timely payments are crucial for rebuilding your creditworthiness.

Clear Outstanding Debts
Focus on clearing any outstanding debts. Even partial payments can help show lenders that you are committed to repaying your debts.

Avoid New Credit
Refrain from applying for new credit until your score improves. Frequent loan applications can negatively impact your credit score.

Monitor Your Credit Report
Regularly check your CIBIL report for any discrepancies or errors. Dispute any incorrect information to ensure your report is accurate.

Effective Budget Management
Create a Budget
Develop a monthly budget to manage your expenses and allocate funds towards loan repayment. This helps in tracking your financial commitments.

Prioritize Debts
List your debts and prioritize them based on interest rates and due dates. Focus on paying off high-interest debts first to reduce financial burden.

Emergency Fund
Build an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses. This prevents you from needing to take additional loans during emergencies.

Legal Steps to Recover Your Money
Communication
First, communicate with your friend and remind them about the loan. Sometimes, a gentle reminder can prompt repayment.

Legal Notice
If communication fails, send a formal legal notice. This serves as a warning and can often lead to repayment.

Civil Court
If the legal notice does not work, file a civil suit in a local court. Gather all evidence, including loan agreements and communication records, to support your case.

Alternative Resolution Methods
Mediation
Consider mediation as an alternative dispute resolution method. A neutral third party can help negotiate repayment terms.

Arbitration
Arbitration is another option where an arbitrator listens to both parties and makes a binding decision. This is faster than court proceedings.

Steps to Avoid Future Financial Issues
Written Agreements
Always have a written agreement for any loan given to friends or family. This helps in legal proceedings if the need arises.

Limit Personal Loans
Limit the amount of money you lend to others. Ensure it does not impact your financial stability.

Benefits of a Certified Financial Planner
Expert Advice
A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can provide expert advice tailored to your financial situation. They can help create a personalized plan for debt repayment and credit score improvement.

Financial Planning
CFPs assist in comprehensive financial planning, including budgeting, investment, and risk management. This ensures long-term financial health.

Final Insights
You are facing a challenging financial situation, but with strategic planning, you can improve your CIBIL score and recover your money. Focus on regular debt repayments, budget management, and legal steps to recover your loan. Consider seeking advice from a Certified Financial Planner to create a robust financial plan.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 02, 2024

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Sir I hv taken PL from sbi 11 lac. 7 month em8 paid now i hv 10 lac to pay. Can pay or or benefits
Ans: Managing personal finances involves making informed decisions that align with your long-term goals and financial well-being. Let's delve into why prioritizing repayment of your personal loan before starting new investments can be beneficial for you.

Understanding Your Current Situation
You have a personal loan of Rs. 11 lakhs from SBI, with 7 EMIs already paid and Rs. 10 lakhs remaining to repay. Additionally, you are contemplating whether to use available funds to pay off the loan or to initiate new investments.

Benefits of Repaying Your Personal Loan First
1. Interest Savings
By repaying the loan early, you can save on the interest that would accrue over the remaining tenure.
Personal loans often come with higher interest rates compared to returns from investments, making interest savings significant.
2. Debt-Free Status
Eliminating debt provides peace of mind and reduces financial stress.
It frees up your monthly cash flow by removing the burden of EMIs.
3. Improved Credit Score
Paying off the loan enhances your credit profile, potentially improving your eligibility for future loans at better terms.

Why Start Investments After Repaying the Loan?
1. Financial Flexibility
Once debt-free, you can redirect the monthly EMI amount towards building investments.
This enhances your ability to save and invest for future financial goals.
2. Risk Mitigation
Investing after clearing debt reduces financial risk and enhances your capacity to weather market fluctuations.
You can approach investments with a stronger financial foundation.

Strategic Considerations
1. Interest Rate Comparison
Evaluate the interest rate on your personal loan against potential investment returns.
If the loan interest rate is higher, paying it off first ensures guaranteed savings.
2. Long-Term Wealth Building
Delaying investments briefly to repay debt positions you better for long-term wealth creation.
It allows you to start investing with a clean financial slate and greater financial stability.

Personalized Recommendation
Given your current financial snapshot:

Priority: Repay the remaining Rs. 10 lakhs of your personal loan to reduce debt burden and save on interest costs.
Subsequent Steps: Once debt-free, reassess your financial goals and risk tolerance to strategically plan investments.

Final Insights
Managing finances involves balancing debt repayment and wealth creation. Prioritizing debt reduction before initiating new investments sets a strong foundation for your financial future. By focusing on clearing your personal loan first, you secure immediate financial benefits and position yourself favorably for future investments.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP
Chief Financial Planner
www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |6991 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 12, 2024Hindi
Money
On 2023 March I have taken edelweise lic of 525000/ year for 12 year scheme but after one year premium I lost my job and not capable for. 2 nd primium and finance problem so request company to return my primium but company refused so what can I do ?
Ans: First, I want to acknowledge your situation and empathize with the financial stress you're experiencing. Losing a job and dealing with an unexpected financial burden is challenging. However, there are steps you can take to manage your current predicament and make informed decisions moving forward.

Evaluating Your Policy
You mentioned that you purchased an Edelweiss LIC policy with an annual premium of Rs 5,25,000. Unfortunately, you have lost your job and cannot pay the second premium. You've also requested a refund, but the company has refused.

In India, insurance policies, including LIC, typically have strict terms regarding premium payments and refunds. Generally, if the policy lapses due to non-payment of premiums, the insurer may not refund the premium paid.

Surrendering the Policy
If you cannot continue with the policy, surrendering it might be an option. Surrendering a policy before the stipulated period usually results in a significant loss, as the surrender value is often much lower than the total premiums paid. However, it might be better than letting the policy lapse without any value.

Check with your insurer about the surrender value and the exact procedure for surrendering the policy. Ensure you understand the financial implications, including any penalties or fees.

Exploring Policy Loan Options
Some insurance policies offer the option to take a loan against the policy's surrender value. This might be a viable short-term solution to meet your financial needs without completely losing the benefits of the policy.

Enquire with Edelweiss LIC if a policy loan is available and assess the terms, including interest rates and repayment conditions. This can provide immediate financial relief while keeping the policy in force.

Considering the Free Look Period
When you buy an insurance policy, there is a "free look period," usually 15 days from the date of receipt of the policy During this period, you can review the policy terms and conditions. If you find them unsatisfactory, you can return the policy and get a refund of the premium paid, minus some nominal charges.

If you are still within this period, you can leverage this option. However, it seems you might have already passed this window. For future reference, always utilise this period to ensure the policy suits your needs.

Budgeting and Financial Planning
To navigate through your current financial crunch, creating a detailed budget is crucial. List all your income sources, savings, and expenses. Identify areas where you can cut costs or defer payments.

This budget will give you a clear picture of your financial status and help you prioritize your expenses. Focus on essential needs and avoid any unnecessary expenditures.

Seeking Alternative Income Sources
Since you've lost your job, exploring alternative income sources is essential. Consider part-time or freelance work, which can provide interim financial support. Online platforms and local opportunities might offer suitable options based on your skills and experience.

Networking with former colleagues, friends, and industry contacts can also open up new job opportunities. Inform them about your current situation and actively seek their assistance in finding suitable job openings.

Debt Management
If you have existing debts, managing them efficiently is vital. Contact your lenders and explain your situation. Some lenders might offer deferment or restructuring options for your loans.

Prioritize high-interest debts and aim to pay them off first. Consider consolidating your debts if it reduces your overall interest burden and simplifies repayments.

Emergency Fund
If you have an emergency fund, this is the time to utilize it. An emergency fund is designed for unforeseen circumstances like job loss. Ideally, it should cover 3 to 6 months of living expenses.

If you don’t have one, consider starting to build one as soon as you stabilize your finances. Having an emergency fund provides a financial cushion for future unexpected situations.

Financial Assistance and Support
Explore government schemes and financial assistance programs that might be available for unemployed individuals. Some organizations and non-profits offer financial aid or support for those in need.

Seek advice from a certified financial planner who can provide tailored guidance based on your specific situation. They can help you create a recovery plan and suggest investment strategies for future stability.

Exploring Other Investment Options
While dealing with your current policy and financial issues, it's also a good time to evaluate other investment options. Investing in mutual funds through SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) can provide better returns and flexibility compared to traditional insurance policies.

SIPs allow you to invest a fixed amount regularly, even with a limited budget. They offer the benefit of rupee cost averaging and potential for higher returns over the long term.

Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Instead of investing in index funds, consider actively managed funds. These funds are managed by professional fund managers who aim to outperform the market.

Actively managed funds can adapt to changing market conditions and potentially offer better returns. The expertise of fund managers and their ability to select high-performing stocks can provide a competitive edge.

Advantages of Regular Funds
While direct funds have lower expense ratios, regular funds offer the benefit of professional guidance from certified financial planners. Investing through a planner ensures you receive personalized advice and continuous portfolio monitoring.

Regular funds also provide access to additional services and support, helping you make informed investment decisions. This professional guidance can be invaluable, especially in complex financial situations.

Final Insights
Your current financial challenges require careful planning and informed decisions. By evaluating your insurance policy options, budgeting effectively, exploring alternative income sources, and seeking professional guidance, you can navigate this difficult period.

Investing in mutual funds through SIPs and opting for actively managed funds can provide better financial growth. Remember, seeking advice from a certified financial planner ensures you receive tailored and professional support.

Take proactive steps to manage your finances, and with time, you can overcome these challenges and achieve financial stability.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024Hindi
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Hello Ms Anu, I am a 42yr female..married since 14 yrs and have 10yr old son . I am highly qualified and financially independent. My marriage was a arranged one.. but in these 14 yrs.. I never experienced love or and attachment from my husband's side. He is a family man.. there is no other woman involved..He loves his parents and his two sisters immensely... but always treats me as a option. I feel humiliated and lonely and he has short temper when i talk about this issue... so basically I don't discuss... but that is no solution... I am suffering and unhappy. What should I do?
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A few married men can be more focused on the women on their side of the family; it becomes easy to express love, care and attention to them as he has grown with them.
A wife happens to be someone that he is yet to understand. It requires effort to make a marriage work; your husband finds it convenient to take the easy way out and 'hang out' with his family.
So, here you take the lead and start. Start not by bringing forth your complaints as this is going to push him further to them which is going to annoy you BUT by inviting him to be with you. A lot of work, I get it...but the bottom line: that's what you want, right?
Plan dates evenings, take short vacations together, work-out together...the key is to establish a connection which never had its chance in the first place...So, give your best shot! Most times actions speak louder than words ever can...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
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Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Namaste Mam Main Ek Ladki Se Bohot Pyaar Karta Hun Lekin Woh Kisi Aur Se Pyaar Karti Ek Wakt Pahle Woh Ladki Meri Acchi Dost Thi Fir Maine Soccha Ki Usse Ek Yeh Kehdu Ki Main Usse Be Inteha Pyaar Karta Hun Maine Usse Keh Diya Par Usne Muzhe Mana Kiya Eh Kehke Ki Usse Pyaar Karne Main Dilchajbi Nahi Aur Wahan Se Chali Gai Main Uss Din Bohot Dipretion Main Tha Fir Maine Yeh Faisla Kiya Ki Woh Apne Bhai Maa Baap Se Darkar Iss Rashte Ko Banane Main Dar Rahi Hogi Par Aaise Karte Karte 2 Saal Ho Gaye Aur Fir Ik Din Achanak Do Saal Baad Yeh Kehne Aati Hain Ki Main Ek Ladke Se Pyaar Karti Aur Tab Maine Usse Puccha Kya Tum Usse Shaadi Bhi Karna Chahti Ho To Ussne Jhijakte Hue Yeh Jawab Diya Ki Woh Usse Shaadi Karna Chahti Darsal Woh Mere Paas Yeh Madat Mangni Aai Thi Ki Woh Usse Milne Jaana Chahti Hain Aur Usse Usko Milne Keliye Kucch Paiso Ki Jarurat Hain To Maine Uss Situation Ko Samjhakar Uski Baaton Ko Samjhakar Usse Paise De Diye Magar Woh Muzhe Usse Pehle Maine Usse Yeh Kahan Ki Tum Mere Paas Kaise Aai Paise Mangne To Usne Kaha Ki Woh Muzhe Uska Ek Accha Dost Manti Isiliye Woh Mere Paas Madat Mangni Aai Thi Iska Main Matlab Kya Samjhu Ki Woh Muzhe Sachme Accha Dost Mantti Hain Yah Sirf Usse Paison Ki Jaruart Thi Isliye Agar Muzhe Apna Accha Dost Manti Hain To Kya Woh Bhavishya Main uss Ladke Jisse Woh Pyaar Karti Agar Uss Ladke Ne Uss Ladki Ki Dhoka Diya To Kya Woh Mere Paas Wapas Aa Sakti Kya Woh Mere Saath Shaadi Kar Sakti Hain Main Abbhi Usse Utna Hi Pyaar Karta Hoon Aur Usse Kabhi Kabar Baad Chit Karne Mile To Usse Healthy Conversation Karta Hoon To Kya Yeh Sambhav Ho Sakta Hain Ki Woh Aage Chalkar Mere Future Wife Bane Aur Main Uske Saath Hamesha Khush Rah Saku Aur Usse Khush Rakh Saku
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Nah! Bilkul nahin aur agar kabhi aisa hua bhi toh yeh zaroor jaan lena ki use aur koi mila nahin aur woh yeh jaanti hai ki aapka pyaar aapki kamzori hai isiliye koi bhi haalaat mein aap use sweekar kar lenge. Majboori hogi uski jab woh aapko chunegi, naaki yeh ki woh aap se pyaar karti hai...aur aise rishte zyaada tikte nahin.
Jab wusne saaf kahaa hai ki aapko dost maanti hai, toh is baat ko maan lijiye; yeh nah karke aapne khayaali Pulao pakaana shuru kiya hai...ki kya yeh hoga toh woh aapke paas chali aayegi...yeh nahin hoga toh woh kya aapse shaadi karegi?
Yeh sirf aapki zidd hai aur yahi zidd aapko maayusi ke alawaa kuch nahin dega.
Apni zindagi jiye, uspe dhyaan de kyonki yahi sab baatein leke baithenge toh khud ki zindagi mein aage badhne ke mauke bhi aapko nazar nahin aayenge.
Aur jahaan tak aapse paise maangne ki baat hai, toh use yeh toh zaroor pataa hai ki aap usse pyaar karte hain aur uski koi baat ko taalenge nahin...Toh paise ke liye manaa kaise karenge...Yeh jaan le ki woh aapse pyaar nahin karti aur jitni jaldi is baat ko maan lenge aap khule dil se jee paayenge. Naye dost banaye, nayi anubhavon ko aapnaaye; yeh sab tab hoga jab aap is kisse ko dimaag se hataa lenge...koshish kijiye...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1285 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 06, 2024
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Hi Anu, i am 34 year old woman married to a 41 year old man. We are married for past 10 years. We had no sexual relationship for first 5 years, after lot of pestering and fights and realisation that there must a physical problem at my husband’s end i convinced him to visit an expert in this domain. Turns out he had low testosterone level. He took the necessary medication and i really tried for 1 year to make it work. It worked to a certain extent but it was more like a chore than something we really want to do. Then we decided that we should go for a baby as well while we are at it. Now my daughter is 2.5. Things never got better. We don’t talk about our lack of any intimacy physical or mental. We are living like roommates. He is the best husband a person can ask for on paper. My parents love him. He is the nicest guy. But in reality we never had any connection and no comparability. And whatever attraction and love i had for him in the beginning is lost completely. I have no idea what goes on his mind. He is a closed book i could never open. He accepts the problem but blames me too if i force him to open up. I am in such a bad place mentally. I keep thinking about the one life i got, i wasted it. Why did i get married so soon? I like someone in office who i have no future with because he is in some other country. I do not know what to do and how to live my life. I get thoughts that life should not be so long.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
A case where the person shuts down because he carries the guilt of what is happening to him and what he is facing...not a very useful way of dealing with the situation but when society has drummed it into us that a 'man' is defined by his masculine traits and behaviors, can you blame him for it?
He is possibly embarrassed and this could be a reason for him 'closing down' within the marriage. He needs to be slowly cajoled out of what he is feeling...What the two of you could do is: start the marriage as though it is Day One...
Now, how would the two of you connect? How would things be different?
It is an attempt to reconnect with no past baggage which helps in focusing on each other in the present day. That helps in making good solid commitments to one another but of course, there has to be a lot of communication in this process. Do take the help of a professional if this feels too much to go through by yourselves.
And as for the colleague; hmmmm grass on the other side will always seem greener!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Mam i love a boy.. Who is 2 yr younger then me and... Now he is preparing for jE.. Post and... My parents worry about my marriage... I told him about this.... He is craying... So much... He love s me very much.... He don't tell about this relationship.....to his parents.. Because he dont have any.... Job..... What should i do mam.... Plz.... Tell me... Mamm plzzz
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It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don’t know the full picture. Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding. You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions on your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hello, There is a woman in my office working in my department. She is my friend's wife and was referred by me for this job. We get to work closely often, but we both make opportunities to get to work together. Most of our time spent is on work related items, with few minutes of casual chats, and we both have spent a lot of time alone in office, working extra hours and all. I have a feeling that I am starting to yearn to spend time with her on work and she also tries to be around me. We both text outside of office hours, share a lot of "inside" jokes and we both look to be enjoying the time together. I am in a confused state because it looks like she is giving me a lot of signs to move forward to next levels, but I am pulling back and not advancing. We both are married and have families. Any advice?
Ans: To manage this, start by gently reinforcing professional boundaries. While it may feel awkward initially, limiting the personal, non-work-related conversations and texts can create some emotional distance. This will not only help reduce feelings of attachment but also prevent misunderstandings or assumptions from developing on either side. At the same time, it may be beneficial to reflect on your own life and current relationships. Often, feelings that arise outside our primary relationship can signal needs or emotions that might require attention within our existing commitments.

Redirecting your focus back to your own relationship with your spouse and engaging in activities that strengthen that bond can bring a renewed appreciation for the life you have built. Rekindling affection, open communication, and connection with your spouse could help provide a sense of fulfillment that might reduce the attraction you’re feeling toward your colleague.

It may also help to remind yourself of the potential risks involved, not only to your family life but also to your professional reputation and friendships. By focusing on maintaining a respectful, professional, and appropriate connection, you’re honoring both your commitments and protecting the integrity of all relationships involved. Choosing not to act on these feelings will ultimately support the stability of your personal life and career, allowing you to maintain a healthy and professional environment at work.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 09, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I brought up from a middle class family now I'm married and having 3 yrs kid, my younger brother recently got married! Ever since his marg there was a problem going on between my mom, brother and her wife , all the 3 of them bringing their problems to me and husband it creates a huge impact on my mental health due to their problems, if I try to resolve nobody is listening, I'm staying nearby my parents which is a big disadvantage, directly it's affecting me and my family? I don't know how to overcome from this type of issue
Ans: A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here. For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother, and his wife that while you understand and empathize with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions. You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and family well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.

If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counseling if they’re open to it. Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly, rather than relying on you as a mediator. Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeated involvement of you is not a productive solution.

Creating some physical and emotional space is key. If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person. Focusing more on your own family’s peace, stability, and happiness will also help. It may feel challenging at first, but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone, and gradually, they may even recognize the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |398 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 10, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi ma’am, I am a 27 year old girl. My father is a very strict person. Since childhood I have tolerated many things like I was not allowed to make friends(not even girls, forgot about boys). When I was 12 years old I was told that I was not allowed to talk to boys, and if my father ever saw me doing so, he will kill me. So, I was not allowed to talk to any friend, forget about going out and other stuff. All I used to do is sit in my room and study,I was not allowed to go out to play, wasn’t allowed to watch tv, not even allowed to go and play with cousins. Even if there was a wedding in my family, i was not allowed to go out and enjoy. And this has continued till date. I am still not allowed to go out without my father’s permission. Although I live in Bengaluru and work in a big company with a high paying job. Even the salary I get is not mine. Because my father takes it from me and I can’t say no to him. I use to say to me that if I ever did anything which he thinks is wrong, he will kill me, or will not allow me to go to college and now he will not allow me to work. And now he want me to get married to someone of his choice because of caste system. But I have a boyfriend and I want to marry my him. But I can’t even tell this to my father, because once I tell him this, he will not allow me to leave the house ever again and he would get me married to next person he finds. I am very scared of him. I don’t want to get married to anyone but my boyfriend. What should I do? Should I run away and get married to my boyfriend. I don’t know what my father will do then. He is a very controlling person .
Ans: To start, consider small steps that allow you to establish a greater sense of independence. Setting aside a portion of your income in an account only you can access, even if done quietly, can help you prepare financially for the future you envision with your boyfriend. Gaining control over your finances can also give you a greater sense of autonomy, which is key for your emotional and practical well-being.

Considering your father’s intense reaction to any choices that don’t align with his, safety is a priority. Consulting with a therapist or a counselor could help you process the emotional impact of your experiences and, importantly, develop strategies for how to approach this situation. Speaking to a counselor may also help you find a safe way to discuss your relationship with your father and express your own wishes while understanding any resources that might be available to you if needed.

If, ultimately, you decide to move forward with your relationship and marriage independently of your father’s permission, preparing yourself for potential emotional fallout is essential. While it’s natural to hope for family acceptance, remember that creating your own happiness is equally important. Over time, if your father can see that you’re stable, happy, and independent, he may eventually respect your decision.

Taking steps toward your own life may feel overwhelming, but with support and gradual changes, you can find a path that balances your love for your family with your need for self-respect, autonomy, and a future that you choose.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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