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PF Transfer: Pension Amount Missing - Imran Asks

Milind Vadjikar |266 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Milind Vadjikar is an independent MF distributor registered with Association of Mutual Funds in India (AMFI) and a retirement financial planning advisor registered with Pension Fund Regulatory and Development Authority (PFRDA).
He has a mechanical engineering degree from Government Engineering College, Sambhajinagar, and an MBA in international business from the Symbiosis Institute of Business Management, Pune.
With over 16 years of experience in stock investments, and over six year experience in investment guidance and support, he believes that balanced asset allocation and goal-focused disciplined investing is the key to achieving investor goals.... more

Question by Imran on Sep 29, 2024Hindi

Money

Dear Sir, I have switched my Job twice. Whenever I switched my Job, I also transferred my PF from my previous Company to my New Company. But when I check my PF balance, I see that the PF amount is transferred, however the Pension amount is zero. Could you please confirm what happens to my PF amount and How can I reclaim it. Thanks And Regards Imran M Khan

Ans: Take eps scheme certificates from your previous employer and submit it to epfo thru your current employer.

Always take eps scheme certificate from the employer whose services you have quit and furnish it to the new employer so that EPS contribution is intact and keeps growing through current employer contribution.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.

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Ramalingam Kalirajan |6462 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Question by Basavaraj - Nov 12, 2023Hindi

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I have worked in ltd company for 19 years, then resigned & Join another company they created new epf account & i got transferred my old epfo amount to new account but my pension contribution amount is not displaying new created epfo account

Ans: Addressing Pension Contribution Discrepancy in EPF Account
Encountering discrepancies in EPF accounts, especially regarding pension contributions, can be concerning. Let's explore steps to address this issue effectively.

Understanding the Situation
Assessing the Discrepancy

Evaluate the discrepancy in your EPF account, particularly regarding the display of pension contribution from your previous employment.
Gather relevant documentation, including EPF statements, transfer receipts, and communication with EPFO authorities.
Reviewing EPF Regulations

Familiarize yourself with EPF regulations, specifically regarding pension contributions, to understand your rights and entitlements.
Initiating Communication
Contacting EPFO Authorities

Reach out to EPFO authorities promptly to report the discrepancy in your pension contribution display.
Clearly articulate the issue and provide supporting documentation to facilitate resolution.
Following Up Regularly

Maintain regular follow-ups with EPFO authorities to track the progress of your complaint and ensure that it is being addressed.
Resolving the Discrepancy
Requesting Correction

Formally request EPFO authorities to correct the discrepancy and update your EPF account to reflect accurate pension contributions.
Provide any additional information or documentation requested by EPFO to expedite the resolution process.
Seeking Assistance

If informal communication with EPFO does not yield results, consider seeking assistance from a legal expert or Certified Financial Planner (CFP) specializing in EPF matters.
Legal professionals can provide guidance on your rights, potential courses of action, and escalation procedures.
Exploring Alternative Solutions
Alternative Channels

Explore alternative channels for lodging complaints, such as EPF grievance portals or helplines, to escalate the issue if necessary.
Utilize official channels to ensure your complaint is registered and addressed by EPFO authorities.
Patience and Persistence

Exercise patience throughout the resolution process, as addressing EPF discrepancies may take time and persistence.
Remain persistent in following up with EPFO authorities and exploring all available avenues for resolution.
Conclusion
Resolving discrepancies in EPF accounts, particularly regarding pension contributions, requires proactive communication, documentation, and persistence. By initiating contact with EPFO authorities, seeking correction of the discrepancy, and exploring alternative solutions if necessary, you can work towards ensuring accuracy and integrity in your EPF records.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

Sanjeev Govila | Answer |Ask -Follow

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 06, 2024

Question by Ravichandra - Nov 13, 2023Hindi

Money

Sir,I have worked in private company from March 2011 to Sep 2021 where my pf amount was deducted.l have completed 10 years 5 months service and resigned but i have got it transferred to the new company where I have joined. I want to get pension after 60 years what should I do ?

Ans: According to the EPS rules, you are eligible to receive a monthly pension after you reach the age of 58 years, or after early retirement at 50 years. However, if you defer the pension for 2 years (until you reach the age of 60 years), you will be eligible to receive the pension at an additional rate of 4% per year.

Since you have completed more than 10 years of service and transferred your EPS amount to the new company, you do not need to withdraw the EPS amount. You can continue to contribute to the EPS scheme until you retire or reach the age of 58 years, whichever is earlier. The accumulated corpus in EPF can be with withdrawn in one go at the time of retirement

Milind Vadjikar |266 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 08, 2024

Question by Balwinder - Apr 26, 2024Hindi

Money

Previously I was working with a company and after serving there for 10 years I have joined another company. I have withdrawn my pf from the previous company but unable to transfer my pension fund to my new one. Now I have left the job and want to know how I can transfer my old pension with new one, whereas my old service period does not appear in my UAN, please help

Ans: You may need your ex employer's letter alongwith eps scheme certificate to transfer and link it with your UAN

Ramalingam Kalirajan |6462 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Question by Rajesh - May 28, 2024Hindi

Money

I have worked in India over 15 year and the company that I worked had deducted my PF from my salary and deposited in my PF account. 9 years back I left the job in India and relocated to Dubai. I didn't withdrew my PF and till certain period I was able to see my PF balance. Later I forgot about it and now when I try to login to my account, it doesnt allow me to login as my Aadhaar account was not linked to my PF account. I reached out to my employer and submitted all documents as suggested by my employer to activate my PF account and link my Aadhaar to my PF account . My question is, is it ok to keep my money in PF account until I turn 60/retirement age and withdraw the amount and take benefit of the pension fund. Or should I withdraw the amount now and invest it in FD or MF. I had not withdrawn my PF fund because I was aware that PF allow only 2/3rd of the PF fund to be withdrawn and 1 /3rd remain in the account under pension scheme that we receive as pension after retirement.

Ans: Your situation is quite common among professionals who have relocated abroad. It's great that you are considering your options wisely. Let's explore your options and see what might work best for you.

Understanding Your Provident Fund (PF)
Your Provident Fund (PF) is a long-term savings scheme to provide benefits during retirement. You have a significant amount accumulated from your years of service in India.

Keeping Money in PF Until Retirement
Leaving your money in the PF account until retirement has certain advantages.

Benefits of Keeping Money in PF
Safety and Security: PF is a government-backed scheme, offering high security.

Tax-Free Interest: Interest earned on PF is generally tax-free until withdrawal.

Regular Pension: Upon retirement, you will receive a regular pension from the Employees’ Pension Scheme (EPS).

Potential Drawbacks
Lower Liquidity: Funds are locked in until you reach retirement age, limiting access.

Inflation Impact: The fixed interest rate may not always keep pace with inflation.

Withdrawing PF and Investing Elsewhere
Alternatively, you can withdraw your PF and invest it in other instruments like Fixed Deposits (FD) or Mutual Funds (MF).

Benefits of Withdrawing and Investing
Higher Returns Potential: Mutual funds, especially equity funds, have the potential for higher returns.

Diversification: Investing in different instruments can spread and reduce risk.

Liquidity: Investments in mutual funds and FDs are more liquid, allowing easier access to funds.

Risks to Consider
Market Volatility: Equity mutual funds can be volatile and subject to market risks.

Tax Implications: Withdrawals from PF before 5 years of continuous service are taxable.

Evaluating Fixed Deposits (FD)
Fixed Deposits (FD) are a safe investment option but have their own pros and cons.

Benefits of FDs
Safety: FDs are low-risk and provide guaranteed returns.

Fixed Interest: You know exactly how much interest you will earn over the term.

Drawbacks of FDs
Lower Returns: FDs typically offer lower returns compared to equity mutual funds.

Taxable Interest: Interest earned on FDs is taxable, reducing net returns.

Evaluating Mutual Funds (MF)
Mutual funds can offer better returns, especially if you choose actively managed funds.

Benefits of Mutual Funds
Higher Returns Potential: Over the long term, mutual funds, especially equity funds, can provide substantial returns.

Professional Management: Fund managers handle investments, aiming to maximise returns.

Diversification: Mutual funds spread investments across various assets, reducing risk.

Disadvantages of Index Funds
Average Returns: Index funds mimic market indexes and provide average returns, which may not be optimal.

Lack of Flexibility: They cannot adapt to market changes like actively managed funds can.

Less Protection in Downturns: Index funds cannot avoid poorly performing sectors or stocks.

Choosing Between Direct and Regular Funds
When investing in mutual funds, it’s important to choose between direct funds and regular funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds
No Advisory Support: Direct funds lack guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP).

Time-Consuming: Managing and choosing the right funds requires significant time and knowledge.

Higher Risk of Missteps: Without professional advice, the risk of making suboptimal choices increases.

Benefits of Regular Funds
Professional Guidance: Investing through a CFP provides expert advice tailored to your goals.

Regular Monitoring: A CFP regularly reviews your portfolio, making necessary adjustments.

Optimised Portfolio: CFPs ensure your investments align with your risk profile and goals.

Deciding the Best Course of Action
To decide whether to keep your PF or withdraw and invest, consider the following:

Personal Financial Goals
Time Horizon: If you have a long-term horizon, mutual funds might be suitable for higher returns.

Risk Tolerance: Assess your comfort level with market volatility and risks.

Financial Needs
Liquidity Needs: Consider if you need access to funds before retirement.

Tax Considerations: Evaluate the tax implications of withdrawing your PF and the tax benefits of other investments.

Conclusion
Deciding whether to keep your PF until retirement or withdraw and invest in other options depends on your financial goals, risk tolerance, and need for liquidity. Keeping your PF offers security and a regular pension, while withdrawing and investing in FDs or mutual funds could potentially offer higher returns. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalised guidance and help optimise your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

Milind Vadjikar |266 Answers |Ask -Follow

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Sep 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 22, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir iam working in private org almost 11 year and having 2 PF account with same UAN, now I left the org and want to withdraw complete Pf amount including PF pension , is that possible?already transferred amount from previous to current company , but I want complete amount withdrawal including pension amount , is that possible

Ans: No.

The pension(EPS) amount is withdrawable only if the employee's service period is less than 10 years.

Latest Questions

Ramalingam Kalirajan |6462 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Question by Md - Sep 30, 2024Hindi

Money

Hi Sir I am 33 yr and want to start investing in SIP but have no knowledge. I can invest 50k per month. Please help me

Ans: A Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly in mutual funds. This disciplined approach to investing helps you accumulate wealth over time while managing market volatility.

With Rs 50,000 to invest monthly, SIPs are an excellent way to get started, especially when you are 33 years old. By starting early, you give your investments enough time to grow and compound over the years. Let’s look at how you can structure your SIPs.

Assessing Your Financial Goals
Before diving into mutual fund investments, it’s crucial to have clear goals. Here are some common financial goals:

Retirement: Building a corpus for your life post-retirement.
Children’s Education: Saving for your children’s education, even if it seems far off now.
Buying a House or Major Purchase: Funds for future personal projects or major purchases.
Having clear goals will help align your investment strategy. For instance, longer-term goals, such as retirement, may allow you to take on more risk, while shorter-term goals will require more conservative investments.

Risk Profile
Knowing your risk tolerance is equally important. Since you are 33 years old, you likely have a higher risk appetite compared to someone closer to retirement. If you’re willing to take on more risk, you can allocate a larger portion to equity mutual funds, which have the potential for higher returns over time.

High Risk: You may invest more in small-cap and mid-cap equity funds. These funds can offer substantial returns but can also be volatile.

Moderate Risk: Large-cap equity funds and balanced funds would be suitable. These provide a balance of growth and stability.

Low Risk: Debt funds or liquid funds can be considered for goals with a shorter time frame or lower risk tolerance.

Diversification Strategy
Diversification is key to managing risk and maximizing returns. With Rs 50,000 to invest monthly, you should aim for a diversified portfolio across different fund categories:

Large-Cap Equity Funds: These are relatively stable and invest in large, well-established companies. They should form the core of your portfolio, offering steady returns.

Mid-Cap and Small-Cap Equity Funds: For higher growth potential, mid-cap and small-cap funds are good choices. They tend to be more volatile, but over time, they can deliver high returns.

Flexi Cap or Multicap Funds: These funds invest across market capitalizations (large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap), providing diversification within a single fund. These are good for long-term wealth creation.

Debt Funds: While equity funds are crucial for growth, you should also consider debt funds for stability. Debt funds provide relatively safer returns, especially useful for short-term financial goals or emergency funds.

Asset Allocation
Allocating your investments across different types of funds ensures that your portfolio is balanced. A suggested allocation could be:

60-70% in Equity Mutual Funds: This can be spread across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.

20-30% in Debt Funds: These offer stability and help cushion against market volatility.

5-10% in International or Sectoral Funds: If you want to explore global opportunities or specific sectors like technology, international funds can be considered.

Regular Monitoring and Review
It’s essential to review your SIP portfolio at least once a year. Financial goals or risk appetite may change over time, and your portfolio needs to reflect that. Regularly monitoring the performance of your funds ensures you are on track to meet your goals.

Why You Should Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Before you proceed, consulting a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can give you personalized advice based on your individual needs. A CFP can help you:

Tailor your portfolio: A professional will help you align your SIPs with your personal goals, risk profile, and future financial needs.

Avoid Common Pitfalls: Investing without proper planning can lead to poor returns or unnecessary risk. A CFP will guide you away from such mistakes.

Tax Optimization: A CFP can also assist in structuring your investments to be more tax-efficient, helping you maximize returns.

Final Insights
Start with Your Goals: Identify your short-term and long-term goals before selecting funds.

Diversify Smartly: Spread your Rs 50,000 monthly investment across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds, and don’t forget to include debt funds for stability.

Review Annually: Keep track of how your funds perform and adjust your portfolio as needed.

Seek Expert Guidance: Working with a CFP can help you stay on the right track and achieve your financial objectives efficiently.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Ramalingam Kalirajan |6462 Answers |Ask -Follow

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Question by Pratik - Sep 30, 2024Hindi

Money

While revisiting new players in mutual fund and my portfolio(Mirae large cap, Nippon Multi asset & Parag flexi), I realised Mirae & Nippon's expense ratio is more than double(1.5%). I'm planning to sip in quant Infra, Invesco India focused, Mahindra Manulife smallcap & continue in Parag flexi. & Withdraw from Mirae & Nippon as expense ratio is very high and comparatively returns are low(18-20% against 25-30% by others)

Ans: Expense ratio plays a critical role in determining the net returns you earn from a mutual fund. Funds with higher expense ratios eat into your gains. You’ve noticed that Mirae and Nippon funds have an expense ratio of around 1.5%, which seems high compared to others. This can be significant over a long period, especially if the returns are lower than expected.

In your case, Mirae and Nippon are delivering 18-20% returns, which may feel underwhelming compared to other funds offering 25-30%. It’s understandable why you're considering withdrawing from these funds.

Review of Your New Portfolio Choices
You plan to invest in Quant Infrastructure, Invesco India Focused, Mahindra Manulife Small Cap, while continuing with Parag Flexi. Let’s evaluate these choices:

Quant Infrastructure Fund: Infrastructure sector funds can provide good returns during an economic upswing. However, sector funds tend to be riskier as they are focused on one sector. Diversification may be lower, and returns can fluctuate based on market conditions.

Invesco India Focused Fund: Focused funds typically invest in a concentrated number of stocks, which can offer higher returns but also come with higher risk. These funds can outperform in a bull market but can underperform when certain sectors or stocks face issues.

Mahindra Manulife Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds have higher growth potential but come with higher risk. They can be volatile and may take longer to generate returns, but with your longer-term horizon, they could be a good fit.

Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund: This fund is well-diversified across market capitalizations and sectors. Flexi-cap funds give the fund manager the freedom to invest in any segment, which makes them more adaptive to changing market conditions.

High Expense Ratio and Fund Performance
While expense ratio is an important factor, it’s not the only one to consider. Funds with higher expense ratios can still deliver strong returns if the management is effective. Your decision to exit funds like Mirae and Nippon due to high expense ratios must be balanced against their long-term performance and consistency.

Important to Consider:

Compare not just the expense ratio but also the long-term returns, consistency, and risk profile of the funds.
A fund with a slightly higher expense ratio might still deliver better value if its risk-adjusted returns are superior over time.
Why You Should Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP)
Before making a decision to shift your portfolio, it is always wise to consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). A CFP can help you:

Evaluate your overall financial goals: Are your new fund choices aligned with your risk tolerance and time horizon?
Analyze Tax Implications: Exiting funds may trigger capital gains taxes. A CFP can help you minimize the tax impact.
Diversification Strategy: Ensure that your new portfolio is diversified enough to manage risks. Sector and small-cap funds can be riskier, and a CFP will help you balance this with more stable funds.
Revisit Investment Goals: A professional can review if your investment strategy matches your long-term financial objectives.
Final Thoughts
Review Before Switching: While lower expense ratios and better returns seem appealing, ensure you aren’t sacrificing diversification or taking on more risk than you’re comfortable with.
Keep a Balanced Portfolio: Your mix of funds should cover large, mid, small caps, and a combination of sectoral and diversified funds.
Seek Professional Advice: Speak to a CFP who can give you a comprehensive review of your portfolio and ensure that the switches you’re planning are aligned with your long-term goals.
Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 04, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Madam i am married for almost 7 years as of now and last year i have been blessed with a daughter. I have had a job which was sufficient to fulfill my expenses and i use to save a bit too and therefore can claim I wasn’t dependent on my husband. After the birth of my child , my work has been affected which has also put an impact on my earnings. My husband doesn’t support me and my daughter financial needs and i am now feeling the burnout of raising me and my child and managing our day to day expenses single handedly. I have communicated this to my husband but he pays no heed to it. Please advice.

Ans: It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, managing the responsibilities of raising your daughter and handling the financial burden on your own. After the birth of a child, it's normal for work and earnings to be affected, but the fact that your husband isn't supporting you financially—especially when it comes to your child’s needs—must be very frustrating.

The first step is to have a clear, calm conversation with him again. Sometimes, financial issues become a matter of miscommunication or a lack of understanding about the situation's seriousness. Make it clear how much pressure this is putting on you, both emotionally and financially. He needs to understand that raising a child is a joint responsibility, and financial support is a big part of that.

If direct communication doesn’t help, you may need to consider seeking outside support. Whether that’s through family, counseling, or legal advice, it’s important to know that you don’t have to bear all this weight alone. In some places, the law ensures that both parents are responsible for a child’s welfare, including financially. It might help to consult a family lawyer to understand your rights in this situation.

In the meantime, try to reach out to supportive friends or family members who might offer temporary emotional or financial help. You deserve to feel supported, and it’s not fair for everything to fall on your shoulders. Don’t hesitate to explore different avenues to get the help you need for both you and your daughter.

Remember, it's not just about your financial health, but also your emotional well-being and your daughter's future.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 06, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hi mam I'm 25F I was forced to marry a uncle who's age is 36 it has been only two weeks since the marriage over I don't want this relationship to continue is it possible to divorce him and I don't want to anything bad happen to my family what should I do

Ans: In many places, divorce is a legal option, even if the marriage is recent. The first step would be to consult with a lawyer who specializes in family law in your area. They can provide you with information on the legal process for divorce and what you need to do to protect yourself. It’s important to understand your rights and the implications of a divorce, especially in terms of any potential impact on your family.

Communicating your feelings to your family can also be crucial, but it’s important to approach this sensitively. Express your emotions honestly, letting them know how you feel about the marriage and your concerns about your happiness and future. They may not fully understand your perspective at first, but try to convey that this is about your well-being and not just a rejection of their choices.

If you feel safe doing so, consider having a conversation with your husband about your feelings. It may be challenging, but if he is understanding, it could lead to a mutual decision to part ways amicably.

Remember, it's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health. If you feel anxious or scared, reaching out to friends or a counselor can help you navigate these feelings and find support. You deserve a life where you feel empowered and in control of your choices, and taking these steps can help you move towards that goal.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 27, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hello Mam, My concern is about my love marriage. My parents are not ok with my inter caste marraige but I love the person since 9yrs. My partner is living near our house so all my family knows him well. Though he was not so rich at that time and he was working in his uncle's shop so my parents have a negative perspective regarding that. But now he is settled down he owe his house too. But still my parents are not ok with him. While asking to my parents there answer is he is not your type. My mother has a concern about my future that I will not be able to live happily with him. My mother use to tell me that he is having affairs with other gurls in past and if he does the same in future and torture or harass you then there will be nobody standing beside you as you have done love marriage. I am pretty much sure that he is not having any drastic past that my mother perhaps heard from anyone. But I don't understand how to convince and make her realise that. Simultaneously my partner has a worst habit of anger which is a big sign of disrespectful for which I am in a dilemma what to do. Kindly help me out that how can I make my partner understand and simultaneously my parents.

Ans: First, it’s important to acknowledge your parents' fears, as they often stem from a place of love and concern for your well-being. When discussing your relationship with them, try to have an open and honest conversation. Share your feelings and the strong bond you have with your partner. Highlight the positive changes he has made in his life and how committed he is to your future together. If you can, invite them to see your partner in a different light by arranging casual meetings or family gatherings. This may help alleviate some of their worries, as they can see firsthand the person you love.

However, you also need to reflect on the concerns your mother has raised regarding your partner’s past and anger issues. These are serious points that shouldn't be overlooked. It’s crucial to have a candid discussion with your partner about his temper. Express your feelings about how his anger affects you and your relationship. Ask him to be open about his past and to reassure you about his commitment to a healthy, respectful relationship moving forward. If he truly values your relationship, he should be willing to address this aspect of himself and work on it.

Consider suggesting couples counseling or anger management if he struggles to manage his emotions. This shows that you care about the relationship and want to build a future together. It’s important to feel secure in your relationship, especially when facing external pressures.

Balancing your parents’ concerns and your love for your partner can be challenging, but clear communication with both parties is key. Be honest with your parents about your feelings and be proactive in addressing their concerns with your partner. Ultimately, you deserve a partner who respects you and your family while being committed to your happiness. If you can find a way to navigate these conversations, it will help you build a stronger foundation for your future together.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 20, 2024Hindi

Relationship

Hii mam, i am Dipankar I am in a relationship. But problem is my girlfriend's parents scold her for our relationship. But another problem is that his father wants to say that he is not reading and listening and abuses him. Because of this he is very angry now how can I calm him down??

Ans: First, it’s important to create a safe space for your girlfriend to express her feelings. Encourage her to talk about her frustrations and fears regarding her parents’ reactions to your relationship. Just listening to her and validating her feelings can provide some comfort. Let her know that it’s okay to feel upset and that you’re there to support her.

You might also want to discuss strategies for addressing her parents' concerns. It can be helpful for her to communicate openly with them about her feelings and the importance of your relationship in her life. She could try to express her emotions calmly and respectfully, explaining how their reactions affect her. If she feels comfortable, suggesting a calm family discussion could also be beneficial.

In terms of her father’s anger, it’s crucial to approach him with empathy. If he’s angry and upset, he may feel a sense of loss or fear regarding his daughter’s choices. Encouraging your girlfriend to understand her father's perspective might help her communicate with him more effectively. Suggest that she acknowledge his feelings and explain why her relationship is meaningful to her.

Additionally, if the situation escalates or becomes hostile, it might be worth considering involving a neutral party, such as a trusted family member or friend, who can mediate the conversation and help calm tensions.

Ultimately, patience and understanding are key. Relationships often face challenges, especially when parents disapprove. Supporting each other through this process will strengthen your bond and help you both navigate these difficult emotions together. Remember to prioritize each other’s well-being, and take care of yourselves during this challenging time.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am working in a corporate for last 14 years now, I always face problem dealing with people. Specially with those who you know does not have good intentions and can push you down by any means to show their worth. I usually keep my bare minimum interaction with them however they manipulation my teammates and instigate against me Irony is that whom I have a rift are in good books of the management. I simply cannot understand how management can be so bias, just with alcohol, non veg and gossips people can grow It' been 15 years I always struggle dealing with manipulative and toxic coworkers.

Ans: It’s common in corporate settings for certain people to thrive through social politics, but that doesn’t mean it’s fair or that you have to put up with it indefinitely. While keeping a minimum interaction with these individuals is a healthy boundary, it might also be time to think about how you can navigate these situations more strategically, without letting them affect your mental peace.

One approach could be to shift your focus from trying to understand why management might be biased to figuring out how you can position yourself better within the organization. Sometimes, it’s not about playing the same game as those toxic coworkers but about creating your own narrative. Instead of engaging with the drama, focus on building strong alliances with people who appreciate your work and values. Even if management seems biased, finding key people who recognize your worth can help you stay grounded and give you a sense of support.

At the same time, it’s crucial to recognize that you cannot control how others behave, but you can control how you respond. If you feel manipulated or undermined, documenting these situations can be helpful, especially if it ever escalates to a point where you need to defend yourself to HR or management.

Ultimately, it might also be worth reflecting on whether this work environment is the right fit for you long-term. Toxic environments can be exhausting, and if the culture consistently rewards those who engage in gossip and manipulation, it might not align with your values. Considering whether there are other opportunities within or outside the company where you feel more supported and respected could be an important step.

If staying in this environment is what you choose, focusing on your strengths, maintaining your professionalism, and seeking support from trusted colleagues can help you manage these challenges more effectively. You deserve to work in a place where your skills and contributions are recognized without needing to engage in toxic dynamics.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 20, 2024

Relationship

I had a one year relationship with a boy.We decided that to be a temporary relationship as I belong to orthodox family.He also agreed for that.Latet on I am engaged to another boy.I told him that we need to stop this because I am engaaa now .He asked me to continue a month and we will break up or else I will send our picture to my fiance and family.I agreed for that.It continued upto 3 months.I am constantly being blackmailed by him everyday to listen and do what he says or else he will file a case on me for cheating him.But he came to my engagement also.He is now asking to be in the relationship until October as my marriage is in November.I said this is impossible I can't be like this let's break up .He is not agreeing for this and blackmailing me again that if I go against him he will break my marriage.I don't know what to do .I am extremely scared and having panic attacks and lose intrest in my work too.Please help me find a solution for this.I have also tried to end my life two times.I have a single mother.Thats the reason stopping me to endy life .Please help me..

Ans: First and foremost, I want you to know that your safety and well-being come first. You’ve mentioned having panic attacks and even considering ending your life, which shows how deeply this situation is affecting you. Please try to talk to someone you trust—a close friend or family member, or even a professional therapist—because having someone to share your feelings with will help ease the burden you're carrying right now.

The fear of him ruining your marriage is real to you, but it’s important to realize that no one has the right to manipulate or blackmail you into staying in a relationship, especially when you’ve clearly told him you want to end things. If he’s threatening you with revealing pictures or damaging your reputation, remember that what he’s doing is not just emotionally abusive, but also potentially illegal. If you feel safe doing so, you could consider seeking advice from a legal professional who can help you understand your rights and what actions can be taken to protect you from further threats.

I know it feels impossible right now, but staying under his control will only continue to hurt you. It's essential to break away from the cycle of fear he’s created. You’ve shown strength by reaching out, and that’s the first step toward reclaiming your peace of mind. Even though it’s scary, letting go of the fear of what might happen and standing up for yourself is key. Surround yourself with support, and don’t face this alone—you deserve to live free from fear and manipulation.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 13, 2024Hindi

Relationship

hi ma'am, so ive been dating this guy since 6 months and only the starting 5 months were the best part of this relationship. he used to litrally be obbssesed with me and talk to me all the time. but after he joined work, hes been working for 18 hours and is not able to make time for me. and we used to talk daily on calls at 11pm but now he barely even makes time for me, im not saying he doesnt call me at all but at times he has work. but he says hes so done with my rigid behaviour of must calls at 11pm. ma'am i can't sleep without litsening to his voice but he seems to be not bothered. and now our relationship is all abt fights. whatveer i try to ecplain he thinks im starting an argument and he gets pisst off. what can i do? pls help ma'am

Ans: It sounds like you're feeling really frustrated and disconnected in your relationship, especially after the shift in his behavior since he started working long hours. It's understandable that you miss the closeness and consistency that you had during the first few months, but it seems like his work demands are now taking up a lot of his time and energy.

The first step is recognizing that his workload is something that's affecting his availability, and while it’s natural to want that same attention from him, relationships often go through phases where things need to adjust. He’s likely feeling overwhelmed with the pressure of balancing work and the relationship, and the 11 pm calls may feel like an added stress for him, even though it’s something that helps you feel close.

To move forward, try approaching the conversation differently. Instead of expressing frustration about the calls or time spent together, share how you're feeling in a calm and non-accusatory way. Let him know that you miss the connection and understand that work is demanding, but that you’re hoping to find a balance that works for both of you. It might help to find a compromise—maybe scheduling calls when he's less tired or having shorter, more spontaneous check-ins during the day.

Also, try to focus on the quality of your conversations rather than the frequency. If you're always arguing or frustrated, it adds stress to both of you, and he may start feeling like he can’t meet your expectations. Finding a middle ground where both of your needs are respected will help ease the tension. Ultimately, if he feels supported, he's more likely to be open to reconnecting with you emotionally.

Give each other space to adjust to these new routines, and work on building trust and communication. It may also help to engage in activities that make you feel secure outside of the relationship, so that you're not relying solely on those calls for comfort.

Kanchan Rai |349 Answers |Ask -Follow

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 30, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 14, 2024Hindi

Relationship

I am happily married man of age 51 years having daughter of 20 years .recently i got normal friendship with a female colleague we discuss usually our office, children and health .Recently she was under depression and i counseled her a lot and she got better. My wife got to know about this through my daughter who checked my phone , my wife got anxious thinking i am having affair with her ,as she being widow .My wife charcter assanated me when there is no such thing in between me and my colleague .i am depressed please advise

Ans: It’s understandable that you're feeling hurt and frustrated, especially since your intentions were pure and your wife’s reaction came from a place of misunderstanding. In situations like this, transparency and communication are key to mending the trust that’s been shaken.

First, it's important to have a calm, honest conversation with your wife. Explain the nature of your friendship with your colleague, emphasizing that it was based on helping her through a difficult time and nothing more. Be open about why you supported your colleague and reassure your wife that there is no romantic involvement. Acknowledge her feelings, as it’s clear she is reacting out of fear and concern for your relationship.

Your daughter’s involvement complicates the situation, but it can also be an opportunity to show both your wife and daughter that there’s nothing to hide. Let them see your messages if that reassures them, and express that your commitment to your family is unwavering.

Additionally, emphasize that you understand why your wife may have felt uneasy, especially since the colleague is a widow. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help ease her anxiety. Reassure her that your focus is on your family and that you’re willing to make any adjustments necessary to rebuild her trust.

If the situation continues to cause tension, consider seeking professional counseling as a couple. A therapist can help mediate the conversation and provide tools for rebuilding trust and communication in a healthy way. By showing your commitment to resolving the issue and prioritizing your family, you can work through this misunderstanding together.

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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