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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Apr 23, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Sarthak Question by Sarthak on Apr 23, 2024Hindi
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Please suggest some mutual fund option for SIP investment. HDFC small cap fund is good for investing?

Ans: While I'd love to assist with specific mutual fund recommendations, it's essential to understand that suggesting schemes without a comprehensive understanding of an individual's financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon can be risky. Every investor's situation is unique, much like fingerprints.

Regarding HDFC Small Cap Fund, it's one of the prominent funds in its category. However, whether it's suitable for you depends on various factors. Small-cap funds are generally more volatile than large-cap or diversified funds. They can offer higher returns, but they also come with increased risk.

Before diving into any specific fund, it's crucial to consult with a financial advisor or do thorough research to ensure the chosen fund aligns with your financial goals and risk profile. Think of it like getting a tailored suit; one size doesn't fit all, and customization is key.

In essence, while online recommendations can provide insights, a personalized approach tailored to your financial situation is irreplaceable. Always consider seeking professional advice to make informed investment decisions.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 06, 2024

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Sir Please suggest best Mutual fund as i want to Do SIP for long term.
Ans: While I can't provide specific fund names, I can offer some general guidance:

Consider investing in diversified equity mutual funds for long-term wealth creation. These funds invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks, offering growth potential while spreading out risk.
Look for funds with a proven track record of consistent performance over several market cycles. Past performance is not indicative of future results, but it can provide insights into a fund's management strategy and risk management practices.
Pay attention to factors like fund manager experience, expense ratio, and portfolio turnover. A seasoned fund manager with a solid investment approach can navigate market volatility more effectively.
Evaluate the fund's investment philosophy and strategy to ensure it aligns with your risk tolerance and investment goals. Some funds may focus on growth-oriented stocks, while others may prioritize value or dividend-paying stocks.
Consider your investment horizon and risk appetite. If you have a long-term investment horizon (e.g., 5 years or more) and are comfortable with market fluctuations, you may opt for equity-oriented funds. For shorter investment horizons or lower risk tolerance, consider balanced funds or debt funds.
Lastly, seek professional advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or a trusted financial advisor. They can assess your financial situation, risk profile, and investment goals to recommend suitable mutual funds that align with your needs.
Remember, investing in mutual funds involves risk, and it's essential to conduct thorough research and seek professional advice before making any investment decisions.

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 20, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 11, 2024Hindi
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I wish to invest 30K per month via SIP IN MUTUAL Funds Can you kindly suggest some funds. My horizon is apund 5-8 yrs
Ans: Thank you for entrusting me with the responsibility of guiding your investment journey. Investing through a systematic investment plan (SIP) in mutual funds is an excellent way to achieve your financial goals. Let's explore suitable funds for your investment horizon of 5-8 years.

Understanding Your Investment Horizon
With a horizon of 5-8 years, you have the advantage of pursuing a balanced investment strategy that combines growth potential with risk mitigation. This timeframe allows for exposure to equity-oriented funds while maintaining a prudent approach to risk management.

Assessing Fund Categories
Given your investment horizon, a blend of equity and debt funds is advisable to strike the right balance between growth and stability. Equity funds offer the potential for higher returns over the long term, while debt funds provide stability and income generation.

Selecting Equity Funds
When selecting equity funds, consider diversified equity mutual funds that invest across various sectors and market capitalizations. These funds offer exposure to a wide range of stocks, reducing concentration risk and enhancing diversification. Additionally, thematic or sectoral funds may be considered for tactical allocation but should be approached with caution due to their higher risk profile.

Evaluating Debt Funds
Incorporating debt funds into your portfolio can help mitigate volatility and provide stability during market downturns. Opt for high-quality debt funds with a focus on safety and liquidity. Short to medium-term debt funds, such as liquid funds or short-term bond funds, can be suitable for your investment horizon.

Emphasizing Consistency and Performance
When evaluating mutual funds, prioritize consistency and long-term performance over short-term fluctuations. Look for funds with a track record of delivering competitive returns relative to their benchmark indices and peers. Additionally, consider factors such as fund manager expertise, investment philosophy, and risk management practices.

Monitoring and Reviewing Your Portfolio
Regular monitoring and review of your mutual fund portfolio are essential to ensure alignment with your financial goals and risk tolerance. As your circumstances evolve, adjustments may be necessary to optimize your portfolio's performance and mitigate potential risks.

Conclusion
In conclusion, investing through SIPs in mutual funds offers a disciplined and systematic approach to wealth creation over the long term. By diversifying across equity and debt funds and focusing on consistency and performance, you can build a resilient portfolio that is well-positioned to achieve your financial objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 18, 2024Hindi
Money
Hlo sir, im vijaylaxmi 24 yrs old i want to do sip please suggest which fund is best to invest
Ans: Vijaylaxmi, it’s great that you want to start investing at the young age of 24.

Starting early gives you the benefit of time.

Your investment horizon is likely to be long, which is ideal for SIP investments.

Before selecting any fund, it's important to understand your financial goals.

You need to assess your risk tolerance, investment horizon, and financial objectives.

Since you are young, you can afford to take some risk, but that should align with your comfort level.

If you want to build wealth over the long term, equity mutual funds would suit your needs.

They have the potential to offer higher returns in the long run compared to other asset classes.

However, you should stay invested for at least 5-7 years to ride out market fluctuations.

Diversification Across Funds

It’s crucial to diversify your investments across different fund categories.

Diversification will reduce risk by spreading your money across different sectors and asset classes.

You can consider investing in large-cap funds, multi-cap funds, and mid-cap funds for diversification.

Each type of fund comes with its own level of risk and potential return.

Large-cap funds are more stable, while mid-cap and multi-cap funds can offer higher returns but come with higher volatility.

Why Not Index Funds?

You might hear people suggesting index funds, but let’s evaluate them.

Index funds simply track a market index like Nifty 50 or Sensex.

They don’t have active fund management, which means there’s no expert to make decisions during market ups and downs.

Although they have lower costs, their returns may not always outperform actively managed funds.

With actively managed funds, a professional fund manager selects stocks, making adjustments to take advantage of market opportunities.

The Benefits of SIP in Actively Managed Funds

SIP or Systematic Investment Plan is an excellent way to invest in mutual funds.

It helps you invest a fixed amount regularly, regardless of market conditions.

This instills financial discipline and reduces the impact of market volatility through rupee cost averaging.

You won’t need to worry about timing the market; SIP takes care of that for you.

Actively managed funds have the potential to outperform the market, especially when you stay invested over the long term.

When you invest through SIP in an actively managed fund, you get the expertise of a fund manager making strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Regular Funds Over Direct Funds

Now, let’s talk about the mode of investment.

Direct funds may seem attractive because they have lower expense ratios, but investing through regular funds offers benefits.

Regular funds give you access to the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) or Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD).

Their advice can help you make informed decisions about your portfolio, especially if market conditions change.

A regular plan allows you to get ongoing support for your investment journey.

Investing through a Certified Financial Planner can help you align your portfolio with your financial goals.

They bring a deeper understanding of markets and can help optimize your asset allocation over time.

Flexibility in Fund Choices

While selecting funds, ensure that you pick flexible options.

Some funds are rigid and only invest in a certain category of stocks, which can limit their performance during different market cycles.

Flexible funds, like multi-cap funds, allow the fund manager to shift between large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap stocks based on market conditions.

This flexibility can increase the fund’s chances of delivering consistent returns over time.

Equity Fund for Long-Term Goals

If your goal is long-term wealth creation, equity mutual funds are your best bet.

They generally outperform debt funds, FDs, and other conservative instruments over time.

Equity funds can offer better inflation-adjusted returns.

These funds invest in the stock market, which is why their potential for growth is higher.

However, they come with short-term volatility.

So, it’s important to have patience and a long-term perspective when investing in equity funds.

Growth or Dividend Option?

When investing in mutual funds, you will have to choose between the growth and dividend options.

Since you are young and likely looking to accumulate wealth, the growth option is more suited for you.

The growth option allows your investment to compound over time, as any profits earned by the fund are reinvested into the fund.

The dividend option provides periodic payouts, which is more suitable for investors seeking regular income.

In your case, you may not need regular income right now, so the growth option will help you build a larger corpus in the long run.

Taxation on Mutual Funds

When investing in mutual funds, it’s important to understand the tax implications.

For equity mutual funds, long-term capital gains (LTCG) are taxed at 12.5% after Rs 1.25 lakh.

Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%.

This means if you sell your equity mutual fund units before three years, the gains will be taxed as STCG.

If you hold the fund for longer than three years, any gains above Rs 1.25 lakh will be taxed as LTCG.

Since your investment horizon is long-term, this will work in your favor as you can take advantage of the LTCG benefit.

Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP) for Future Income

In the future, when you achieve your financial goals, you can convert your SIP investments into a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP).

An SWP allows you to withdraw a fixed amount of money from your investment at regular intervals.

This is an effective way to create a steady stream of income from your mutual fund investment.

It can be particularly useful for retirement planning.

Since you are young, you have plenty of time to grow your investments before you need to rely on SWP.

Final Insights

At the age of 24, starting an SIP is a brilliant move.

Your time horizon allows you to take on equity market risks, which can result in higher long-term returns.

Diversify your investments across different fund categories to balance risk and return.

Actively managed funds offer better prospects than index funds due to the expertise of fund managers.

Choosing the growth option will help you accumulate wealth faster, as your profits will be reinvested.

Remember to stay invested for at least 5-7 years to maximize your returns.

As you move forward, work with a Certified Financial Planner to review your portfolio and make adjustments when necessary.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Requesting you, to help me, regarding midcap 150 etf of mirae asset midcap 150 etf for longterm through SIP
Ans: Let us review the suitability of investing in a mid-cap 150 ETF for the long term via SIP.

Understanding ETFs and Their Characteristics
Passive Management: Midcap ETFs replicate an index like the Nifty Midcap 150.

Cost Efficiency: They offer lower expense ratios compared to actively managed funds.

No Active Decision Making: They do not try to outperform the market but track the index.

Volatility Concerns: Midcap indices are more volatile than large-cap indices.

Returns Depend on Index: The ETF's performance mirrors the performance of its benchmark.

Disadvantages of Investing in Midcap ETFs
Lack of Active Management
Mid-cap stocks are highly volatile.

Active fund managers can adjust portfolios to limit risks during downturns.

ETFs lack this flexibility, as they strictly follow the index composition.

Limited Flexibility in Rebalancing
Market conditions often demand sector rotation or stock-specific decisions.

Actively managed funds adapt to such conditions, but ETFs cannot.

Tracking Errors
ETFs may not perfectly replicate the index due to tracking errors.

This can affect returns, especially over the long term.

Why Actively Managed Funds May Be Better
Fund Manager Expertise
Skilled managers can outperform the index by selecting high-growth stocks.

They can mitigate risks in falling markets through tactical decisions.

Flexibility in Stock Selection
Active funds are not limited to a predefined basket of stocks.

Managers can select fundamentally strong stocks beyond the index.

Potential for Higher Returns
Actively managed funds have historically outperformed midcap indices over long periods.

This makes them a better choice for wealth creation in the mid-cap segment.

Recommendations for Long-Term Mid-Cap Investments
Diversify: Include actively managed mid-cap funds instead of relying solely on an ETF.

Professional Guidance: Invest in regular plans via a Certified Financial Planner.

Monitor Performance: Review fund performance every 6–12 months.

Manage Risk: Avoid overexposure to mid-cap investments due to their volatility.

Final Insights
While Mirae Asset Midcap 150 ETF is a low-cost option, it has limitations.

Active mid-cap funds can better navigate market volatility.

They provide the flexibility and expertise required for wealth creation.

For long-term SIPs, consider balanced exposure to actively managed funds. This ensures both growth and risk management over time.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7367 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Money
Dear sir, I am 50 years old and working in private sector MNC 1.5 Lakhs on hand. My job security is very less. I have two kids aged 18, 14 years old. My wife is housewife. I have 80L in Mutual funds and 20L in stocks, Bank deposits 40L. I am investing in SIP in below Mutual funds all direct growth around 57000 pm. CR Bule chip fund, MA Large and Midcap, HDFC smallcap each 5000 pm (15000) step up 2000 every 6months. Invesco Infra, JM Value fund, Nippon India Multicap, Small cap, Parag parekh Flexi cap, Quant Small cap, Mid cap each 6000 pm (42000), all these SIPs started recently from June 2024. Some Lumpsum in Axis smallcap 6L, Bandan core Equity 3L, CR Smallcap 8L, DSP smallcap 4L,HSBC Flexicap 3.5, HSBC Smallcap 3L, ICICI Pru Infra 3.5L, Value discovery 3L, Invesco Large & Midcap 2L, JM Flexicap 1L, Motilal Oswal Midcap 8L, SBI Bluechip 7L, Infrastructure 2L, Sundaram Smallcap 3L My expenses per month are 1.2 Lakh. I don't have loans/EMIs. Please advice me for my retirement life which need at least 1.5L per month, my kids education expenses, and also advice to my Portfolio. Thanks and regards, Yours sincerely, Purushotham Thati
Ans: Your current portfolio and investment habits show a good start. Let us evaluate your financial standing, address your goals, and provide suggestions for optimisation.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
Income and Expenses: You have a monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh and expenses of Rs. 1.2 lakh. This leaves a surplus of Rs. 30,000 per month.

Investment Corpus: Your existing corpus includes Rs. 80 lakh in mutual funds, Rs. 20 lakh in stocks, and Rs. 40 lakh in bank deposits.

SIP Contributions: You are investing Rs. 57,000 monthly across multiple mutual funds.

Lump Sum Investments: You have allocated significant lump sums to small-cap, flexi-cap, and thematic funds.

Goals: Your goals include securing Rs. 1.5 lakh monthly for retirement and funding your children's education.

Planning for Retirement
Corpus Required
You aim for Rs. 1.5 lakh per month during retirement.

Factor in inflation to estimate future monthly expenses.

The current corpus and SIPs must grow consistently to meet this goal.

Recommendations
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt for steady growth.

Avoid excessive concentration in small-cap and thematic funds, which are volatile.

Increase exposure to balanced and flexi-cap funds for stability.

Planning for Children’s Education
Current Needs
Your children are aged 18 and 14, which implies upcoming higher education expenses.

Plan for expenses within the next 4–8 years.

Recommendations
Create a dedicated education fund for both children.

Use debt-oriented hybrid funds or short-term debt funds for near-term goals.

Ensure part of your mutual fund corpus is earmarked for this purpose.

Portfolio Review and Suggestions
Strengths of the Portfolio
Disciplined SIP Investments: Investing Rs. 57,000 monthly shows financial discipline.

Diversification: Exposure to various categories like large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and thematic funds.

Areas for Improvement
Excessive Small-Cap Allocation: High exposure to small-cap funds increases volatility.

Thematic Fund Overlap: Thematic funds like infrastructure may lead to concentration risks.

Direct Fund Investments: Direct funds lack professional guidance and ongoing monitoring.

Portfolio Optimisation
Consolidate funds to reduce over-diversification and improve focus.

Shift some SIPs to balanced advantage or hybrid funds for stability.

Review and replace underperforming funds periodically.

Invest through a Certified Financial Planner to benefit from professional advice.

Optimising Lumpsum Investments
Review the performance of your lump sum investments.

Redeploy underperforming small-cap and thematic funds into balanced funds.

Keep a portion of your bank deposits in liquid funds for emergencies.

Avoid high allocations to sectoral or cyclical funds due to their dependency on market conditions.

Tax Planning
Long-term capital gains on equity mutual funds above Rs. 1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains on equity funds are taxed at 20%.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per your income tax slab.

Plan redemptions considering these rules to minimise tax liabilities.

Emergency Fund Allocation
Maintain at least 6–12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.

This ensures financial security given your low job security.

Allocate Rs. 15–20 lakh from your bank deposits for this purpose.

Recommendations for SIPs
Reduce exposure to small-cap and thematic funds.

Increase allocation to large-cap and multi-cap funds for stability.

Consider balanced advantage funds to manage market volatility.

Step-up SIPs only after assessing fund performance.

Final Insights
Your financial foundation is strong, but optimisation is essential.

Prioritise stability and diversification in your portfolio.

Allocate funds separately for retirement and children’s education.

Maintain a robust emergency fund to handle uncertainties.

Seek professional advice to streamline and monitor your investments.

Consistent review and disciplined investing will help you achieve financial independence and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |807 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 28, 2024Hindi
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Retiremen advice I am 50 yrs old single with recurring and chronic health issues. I would like to retire and I have 2 crore in FD 1 crore in stock and mutual funds I also own a home and a flat both are free of debt. Please advice me to restructure my assets and have a peaceful retirement. My tax consultant told me I can get up to 3 lakhs per month with 3 cr invested in stocks and mutual funds How realistic is it possible and how to montage the downside risks associated with it. I had been a victim of Franklin Templeton debt funds during covid and I do not trust Mutual funds houses or its manages as before.
Ans: Hello;

It is impossible to get 3 L per month with 3 Cr corpus in mutual funds, unless you are ready to deplete the corpus completely over 10-12 years.

Since you were impacted with Franklin Templeton debt funds issue earlier, I recommend you to buy an immediate annuity from a life insurance company for a sum of 2.8 Cr.

You may chose annuity for life with return of purchase price to your nominee.

It may yield you a post tax monthly income of around 1.1 L+.

After fulfilling your regular expenses you may begin a monthly sip of 10-15 K in any equity fund.

The corpus that this investment will generate over 10-15 years may be used to top-up annuity and hence monthly payouts to account for rise in the inflation.

You may keep balance 20 L corpus in savings account as emergency fund.

Although the Franklin Templeton debt fund issue was difficult for the unitholders of those funds, the alacrity and surgical precision with which SEBI handled that issue and ensured all investors get their money back was commendable.

We cannot control human behaviour but we have extremely robust system of checks and balances in regulation of our MF industry to safeguard investor interests at all costs even if some negative event occurs.

Seek help from a mutual fund distributor or an investment advisor for help, if required.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I live in a joint family with my brother and parents. I’ve been having a hard time managing my relationship with my bhabhi (sister-in-law). We live in the same house, and things have been tense lately. I’ve always tried to be polite and respectful, but there are constant little misunderstandings between us, and it’s starting to affect my peace of mind. We both want to keep things cordial for the family’s sake, but it feels like there’s always some tension whenever we interact. The problem is, I tend to get defensive whenever she says something I don’t agree with, and I know it’s only making things worse. I’m also trying to stay calm in front of everyone, but it’s hard not to let these small issues build up in my head. I really don’t want to keep feeling frustrated, but I don’t know how to change my approach. I love my brother and I want to improve the atmosphere at home and make sure I’m not letting these things affect me so much. Please help.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Joint family systems are filled with adventure and these things that you have brought up are part of that adventure.
Take things as they come and make sure you train yourself not to react...is this possible? YES, it is!
Let's say your Bhabhi accuses you of something, maybe your first reaction is to get defensive and explain or argue. Instead, what if you trained yourself to say: Okay, she's again accusing me of something; let's see what is the new thing that she has invented and let me have fun by simply listening.

This will ensure that your part of adventure gets playful and it will also enable you to respond rather than react. Now, does this happen overnight? NO, it requires a lot of mind training but start somewhere to get to someplace different.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu

Anu Krishna  |1414 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 28, 2024

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Relationship
Hi, I Am 26(M). I had an arranged marriage, my wife had a pre-marital affair which continued even after our engagement and for 9 months of marriage. According to my wife, she met him once and he wanted to have sex but my wife didn't do it. (The used to chat on Instagram). I found out today after 2 years of marriage. And we just had a baby. My wife asked me to use Instagram after we got engaged, but I refused because I was afraid it would have a bad effect on her. I don't even use it cause I know what can go wrong. When I caught her red-handed and saw the man's chats, I took her phone. And then I had read a little chat, then my wife came to me and said that she had to call our maid. I gave her the phone and she not only spoke on the phone but also deleted the chats with the guy. My eyes were closed when she spoke to maid on the phone. Cause I was so tired. Then I asked my wife to talk to him in front of me because I wanted to teach him a lesson and find his fiancée and tell her the truth. I'm very loyal to my wife. And she was my world. I've never had a girlfriend. I am open minded and I had asked my wife before the engagement, after the engagement on the phone and even after the marriage that if she had a past, I will accept it. My wife messaged him and he asked her talk on video call. The guy also knows that we have just had a baby who is not even 1 month old. I turned on the screen recording of the video call and gave it to my wife. In that screen recording, my wife texted the guy and told him to talk carefully cause I was sitting in front of her and then deleted the message with option of 'delete for you' on Instagram. This is how my wife cheated on me 2 times even after being caught. She told me that she loved me later on. And she took great care of me. She brought me out of depression. She did everything and I also loved her with all my heart and did everything for her. Right now she is saying I forgive her and she wants to live with me like before. She apologized a ton as well. But I don't know what to do at the moment. After so many lies, I can't trust her easily. She has a habit of lying in small things as well. I want to live with her, she was my support, my mother is not even there. when I was 12 years old... Now what do I do? Please kindly guide me!
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
Yes, you feel like your trust has been broken. Is it easy to build back that trust? Yes and No...Yes, if you wish to...No, if you don't wish to...
If you go back in time and play the same story about how you wife was on Instagram and how she 'cheated' on you, there is no way that you can put your marriage back together.
How are you open-minded when an Instagram account causes you to fear what will happen? I can understand that you are a person with no past girlfriends but people do come with a past. Now, your wife could have shared her past with you, but most women seem to not want to for fear of reaction from the men like you have now. I can see that all this has hurt you, but if you want this marriage to work, you are going to have to drop all the past baggage, yours and your wife's and start afresh. Which means taking things for what it is NOW at face value without doubting it.
Can you do that? My suggestion would be: make an honest attempt at it. But warn yourself against going back in to the past otherwise there will be more mud throwing and no solution in sight.
Start new, Start afresh...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
Asked on - Dec 28, 2024 | Answered on Dec 28, 2024
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Thanks You Very Much Ma'am For Your Answer. The Reason For Not Using Instagram Was Cause I Didn't Wanted To Look At Any Other Women Instead Of Her. My Intentions Were Pure. Also I Didn't wanted a thing which can spark of cheating so there will be no fire. I am open minded I told her I will accept it. Problem is that affair continued even after engagement and marriage (till 9 months of marriage) But today's condition is that i think she has lost interest. We have tradition inwhich wife goes to their home and stay for 2-3 months. Her mother has been so influential from beginning so am telling her to comeback. She is not ready to comeback even when I am sick. I told her to come back for at least 4-5 days so we can talk. I am afraid she will mindwash her. And I can see that. I have given the best possible time yet she is complaining that I don't give time. When I told her to come back she overeated that she will never go there and that. She wasn't like this. She was with me in my everything. I am so confused. I have forgiven & forgotten everything about the past still... What do you suggest ma'am???
Ans: Dear LoneKnight,
I have already made my suggestions in the initial response. Start afresh and wipe the slate clean. Rebuilding trust cannot happen overnight, so give the marriage a fair GO.
What you have shared again are problems and when you stay in that Zone, you will only be able to focus on problems. When there is an intention to solve the issue, the prerequisite is to move away from all the things that have gone wrong/bad and all the things that you think will go wrong/bad. That's the only way to solve problems. So my suggestions are still the same.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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