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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2025

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Ashish Question by Ashish on Aug 28, 2025Hindi
Money

Presently, I have 2 SIPs running, one with DSP Regular Fund Direct Growth (Rs. 1000/ month) and another one with Nippon India Small Cap Fund Direct Growth (Rs. 1500/ month). Now, I would like to start another SIP along with the abovesaid SIPs, can you kindly guide me about the mutual fund (company name), which will be beneficial for me in a long run.

Ans: You have shown a very good discipline by continuing SIPs. Many investors start and stop. You are already running two SIPs. That itself shows your patience and trust in long term investing. SIP is like planting trees. You water them monthly. Later you enjoy the shade and fruits. Your Rs.1000 in DSP regular and Rs.1500 in Nippon India small cap are already helping you build wealth slowly.

Now, let us assess the third SIP option from different angles.

» Importance of balance in portfolio
You already have exposure to small cap through Nippon India. You also have some exposure to diversified category through DSP. This is good but still tilted towards high risk. Small cap is volatile. It can give high return but also deep fall in short term. To balance, you need one fund that brings stability. This stability protects during market falls. Stability plus growth creates sustainable wealth.

» Regular fund versus direct fund
You are now using direct plan funds. On paper, direct plan looks cheaper. Many investors think lesser expense ratio means higher return. But in real life, it is not always true. Direct funds expect you to track, review, and rebalance alone. This takes skill and time. Many investors fail to review at right time. They either stay too long or exit too soon. Mistakes in allocation cost more than saved expenses.

In regular plans, you invest through a Mutual Fund Distributor who holds Certified Financial Planner credential. They monitor portfolio. They alert you when changes are required. They bring discipline in asset allocation. Their continuous advice helps you avoid emotional decisions. This advice often adds more value than small difference in expense ratio. Over 10–15 years, disciplined allocation with CFP-backed guidance beats direct investing.

» Choosing category for third SIP
Since you already have mid and small cap exposure, the next SIP can go into:

– A large cap oriented fund. This gives stability, smoother growth, and steady compounding.
– Or a flexi cap fund. This allows the fund manager to move across large, mid, small. It creates balance automatically.

This approach makes your portfolio a mix of growth and safety. A Certified Financial Planner will recommend not to load too much on small caps. Stability matters in wealth creation journey.

» Risk assessment and tolerance
You must check how much risk you are comfortable with. You are already comfortable with SIPs. That itself is very good. If you have long horizon, you can tolerate volatility. But still, too much exposure in small cap creates stress. So balancing with large cap or flexi cap reduces sleepless nights.

» Asset allocation importance
Asset allocation is the real driver of returns. It is not fund selection alone. A Certified Financial Planner will suggest mix of equity, debt, and gold. Your current portfolio is 100% equity. This is fine if horizon is above 10 years. Still, a small allocation to debt fund can give cushion. Debt funds also help when you need money in short notice.

» SIP as a habit
Your SIP journey is already consistent. Increasing SIP amount or adding new SIP is like step-up in fitness training. Each step builds more strength. The key is not stopping. SIP works only when continued across market ups and downs.

» Taxation aspects
In equity mutual funds, long term capital gains above Rs.1.25 lakh are taxed at 12.5%. Short term gains are taxed at 20%. This new rule means holding long term is more beneficial. Frequent switching will cost higher. Regular plans with advisor’s monitoring reduce unnecessary switches. Thus, taxation also favours long term disciplined SIP.

Debt mutual funds are taxed as per income tax slab. That means they are not tax free. But their role is stability, not tax saving. Hence, a small allocation to debt can still be useful.

» Behavioural benefit of regular plan
Direct plan investors often panic in market fall. They sell early. Or they buy when markets are high. This behaviour kills return. With a regular plan, you get handholding by an expert. A Certified Financial Planner ensures you do not act on fear or greed. This behavioural advantage alone can add big value over decades.

» Insurance and protection
If you have dependents, you must ensure proper term insurance. Do not mix investment with insurance. ULIP and endowment policies give poor returns. Pure term plan is cheaper and safer. Along with SIP, term plan gives complete protection. If you already hold ULIP or LIC investment-cum-insurance policies, better to surrender and reinvest in mutual funds. That improves wealth creation.

» Emergency fund
Before investing more, check if you have 6 months of expenses as emergency fund. This can be in savings account or liquid fund. Emergency fund saves you from breaking SIP during crisis. Without emergency cushion, SIP discipline may suffer.

» Financial goals clarity
Your SIPs must be linked to goals. Retirement, children education, house purchase – each needs different horizon. Equity SIPs suit long term goals above 7 years. Debt SIPs suit short term goals. So, decide the new SIP purpose. Then select fund category accordingly. If for retirement, equity is good. If for medium-term goal, balanced or hybrid funds are better.

» Monitoring and review
Every SIP needs yearly review. Not every quarter, not daily. Once in a year with Certified Financial Planner is enough. They check whether fund is performing compared to peers and benchmark. If fund is lagging continuously, they suggest switch. You don’t need to worry day-to-day.

» Long term wealth compounding
Power of compounding is like magic. Rs.2500 monthly becomes huge in 15–20 years. By adding one more SIP, you are accelerating wealth creation. Compounding works best with time and discipline. That is why staying invested matters more than timing market.

» Behavioural discipline and patience
Patience is rare in investing. Many quit after few years seeing no big growth. But real wealth comes after 10–15 years. You already showed patience. Continue it. The new SIP must be set and forgotten. Just review once in a year.

» Why avoid index funds
Some investors get attracted to index funds. They think passive is better. But in India, markets are still less efficient. Skilled managers beat index over long term. Actively managed funds adapt better in falling markets. Index funds just mirror market fall. That creates larger drawdowns. For Indian investors, actively managed funds by reputed houses are better for wealth creation.

» Role of diversification
You should not keep all SIPs in same style. Diversification across categories reduces risk. Large cap, mid cap, small cap, flexi cap – a mix creates balance. Adding debt and gold at right time adds further balance. This way, one category falls, another supports. That reduces overall shock.

» Long term mindset
The real power of SIP comes only with long term mindset. Small amounts today become large wealth later. By adding another SIP, you are stepping into stronger financial future. Long term mindset avoids distraction of short term noise.

» Psychological advantage of SIP
SIP brings habit of saving regularly. It makes you investor automatically. You don’t need to time market. Even in bad markets, SIP buys cheaper. This rupee cost averaging is silent but powerful. Over years, it reduces risk and enhances return.

» Family financial security
Wealth building is not only for self. It creates security for family. SIPs ensure you can meet big expenses without debt. This avoids financial stress. With proper planning, you can retire peacefully and support children’s education comfortably.

» Building step-up strategy
As your income grows, increase SIP. A step-up SIP ensures wealth grows faster than inflation. Even Rs.500 increase every year creates big difference later. That is more effective than one-time large lump sum.

» Final Insights
You are already on good path with SIPs. Adding a third SIP will further strengthen portfolio. Choose a fund that brings stability. Prefer regular plans through a Certified Financial Planner for guidance and discipline. Link SIPs to goals. Keep patience. Review yearly. Avoid ULIPs and endowment policies. Build emergency fund. Protect family with term insurance. Increase SIP gradually as income rises. With these steps, your wealth creation journey will be strong and worry free.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |10902 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 15, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 06, 2024Hindi
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I am 43 years old and Started SIP in 2018. Kindly suggest about the funds. Following are my current mutual fund investments: AXIS Blue Chip fund Monthly SIP of Rs 3500 Mirae Large and Mid Cap fund Monthly SIP of Rs 2000/- Invesco India contra fund Monthly SIP of Rs 6000/- Axis Small Cap Fund Monthly SIP of Rs 5000/- Kotek flexicap fund Monthly SIP of RS 4000/- Sbi Banking & Financial Services fund Monthly SIP Rs.3500 Franklin India Prima fund monthly SIP Rs.1000.
Ans: Your current mutual fund portfolio reflects a thoughtful approach to wealth accumulation through systematic investment plans (SIPs). Let's delve into each aspect of your portfolio and assess its performance and potential.

Diversification Analysis
Your portfolio comprises a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds, offering diversification across market segments. This diversification mitigates risk and enhances the potential for returns.

Performance Assessment
Each fund has its unique investment strategy and objectives. Analyzing their historical performance against benchmarks and peers provides insights into their efficacy in delivering returns.

Fund Selection Rationale
Your selection of funds appears to be well-researched, considering factors such as fund manager expertise, consistency in performance, and alignment with your risk tolerance and financial goals.

Active vs. Passive Management
Your focus on actively managed funds suggests a preference for capitalizing on the expertise of fund managers to navigate market fluctuations and exploit growth opportunities. This approach contrasts with passive strategies like index funds, which lack the agility and discretion of active management.

SIP vs. Lump Sum Investment
SIPs offer the advantage of rupee cost averaging, enabling you to buy more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high. This disciplined approach to investing smoothens market volatility and fosters long-term wealth creation.

Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
By investing through a Certified Financial Planner, you benefit from professional guidance and portfolio monitoring. Regular funds, though they may have slightly higher expense ratios compared to direct funds, offer value through expert advice, ensuring optimal fund selection and allocation.

Future Considerations
Regularly reviewing your portfolio's performance and aligning it with evolving financial goals is crucial. Periodic rebalancing may be necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation and adapt to changing market dynamics.

Conclusion
Your mutual fund portfolio reflects a prudent approach to wealth management, characterized by diversification, active management, and systematic investment. As a Certified Financial Planner, I commend your diligence and commitment to long-term financial well-being.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Money
Hello Reetika Mam, I am 48 year having privet Job. I have started investment from 2017, current value of investment is 82L and having monthly 50K SIP as below. My goal to have 2.5Cr corpus at the age of 58. Please advice... 1. Nippon India small cap -Growth Rs 5,000 2. Sundaram Mid Cap fund Regular plan-Growth Rs 5,000 3. ICICI Prudential Small Cap- Growth Rs 10,000 4. ICICI Prudential Large Cap fund-Growth Rs 5,000 5. ICICI Prudential Balanced Adv. fund-Growth Rs 5,000 6. DSP Small Cap fund Regular Growth Rs 5,000 7. Nippn India Pharma Fund- Growth Rs 5,000 8. SBI focused Fund Regular plan- Growth Rs 5,000 9. SBI Dynamic Asset Allocation Active FoF-Regular-Growth Rs 5,000
Ans: Hi,

You can easily achieve your goal of 2.5 crores after 10 years. Your current investment value of 82 lakhs alone can grow to 2.5 crores assuming CAGR of 12% and monthly 50k SIP will give additional 1.1 crores, making a total corpus of 3.6 crores at 58.

But I see a problem with your current allocation. The fund selection is more aligned towards small caps of different AMCs and very concentrated and overlapped portfolio.
You need to diversify it so as to secure your current investment while getting a decent CAGR of 12% over next 10 years.
Focus on changing your current funds to large caps and BAFs and flexicaps and avoid sectoral funds.

You can also work with an advisor to get detailed analysis of your portfolio.
Hence you should consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

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Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

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Hi, I am 32 years old, married, and have a 4-year-old daughter. My monthly take-home salary is 55,000 rupees, and my wife's salary is 31,000 rupees, making our total income 86,000 rupees. I am currently in a lot of debt. Our total EMIs amount to 99,910 rupees (total loans with an average interest rate of 12.5%), and even with my father covering most of the monthly expenses, I still spend about 10,000 rupees. This leaves me with a shortage of approximately 25,000 rupees (debt) every month. My total debt across various banks is 36,50,000 rupees, and I also have a gold loan of 14 lakhs. I cannot change the EMI or loan tenure for another year. I also have a 2 lakh rupee loan from private lenders at an 18% interest rate. My total debt is over 52 lakhs. Now, with gold and silver prices rising, I'm worried that I won't be able to buy them again. I have an opportunity to get a 2 lakh rupee loan at a 12% interest rate, and I'm thinking of using that money to buy gold and silver and then pledge them at the bank again. Half of my current gold loan is from a similar situation – I took a loan from private lenders, bought gold, and then took a gold loan from the bank to repay the private loan. Given my current situation and my family's circumstances, should I buy more gold or focus on repaying my debts? What should I do? The monthly interest on my loans is approximately 50,000 rupees, meaning 50,000 rupees of my salary goes towards interest every month. What should I do in this situation? I also have an SBI Jan Nivesh SIP of 2000 rupees per month for the last four months. I have no savings left. I am thinking of taking out term insurance and health insurance, but I am hesitating because I don't have the money. I am looking for some suggestions to get out of these debts.
Ans: Hi Surya,

You are in a very complicated situation. This whole debt trapped needs to be worked on very judiciously. Let us go through all the aspects in detail.

1. Your total monthly household salary - 86000; monthly expense - 10000 contribution as of now; monthly EMI - approx. 1 lakhs.
2. Current loans - 36.5 lakhs from various banks at 12.5%; Gold Loan - 14 lakhs; private lenders - 2 lakhs at 18% >> totalling to 52 lakhs.
3. 50k interest per month payable - implies capital payment is very less leading to more problem.

- Keen on buying gold with loan. This is where more problem will began. Avoid buying gold using loan.
- Your focus should be on reducing your debt instead of increasing it.

Strategy to follow:
1. Close the loan with higher interest rate - 2 lakh personal lender. This will reduce your EMI and give you more potential to prepay other loans.
2. Try and take financial help from your family in prepaying small loans from banks. This can reduce your burden.
3. If you have any unused assets, can sell them to pay off your loans.

Points to NOTE:
> Avoid taking any more loans.
> When your EMI burden reduces, do make an emergency fund of 2-3 lakhs for yourself for any uncetain situation.
> Make sure to have a health insurance for yourself and family.
> Can stop your investments for now. They are of no use if your EMIs are more than your income. Can start investing once your EMI's reduce atleast by 20-30% for you.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Reetika

Reetika Sharma  |432 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner, MF and Insurance Expert - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

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Hello Sir ; I am 55 years old & have decided to retire by end of 2025 . My wife is in teaching profession , earns appx. 3.5 L / annum & will continue her service till 2037( @60 yrs. of age ) . My only child is an intellectually disabled person ( with Autism ) , 14 years of age & will be incapable to earn . As on date , I have 60 L in MF , going to sell a property by end of this year @ 41 L ( it is fixed ) , appx 5L in Bank & postal FD . My wife have 45L in MF as on date & 3 fully paid premium ULIP policy which will be matured by 2030. She can get appx. 25 L from there . This is by and large my family financial status . Now , my queries to you that with this corpus , how we manage our ( myself & wife’s ) livelihood & most important that to manage a continuous cash flow for my disabled child till his age 65 i.e. 50 years from now . Primarily , I have thought of SWP & MIS schemes to get regular income for th retirement . My present family expense is appx. 1L per month . Therefore , I do seek your expert advice in this regards . I will be highly obliged if you kindly address to my query . thanking you , with best regards ; Suprabhat Jatty.
Ans: Hi Suprabhat,

Let us analyse all things in detail - one at a time.
1. 5L in Bank and FD - this is your emergency fund. But if there is a lock-in on the postal FD, you need atleast 5 lakhs in bank FD as your emergency fund.
2. Health Insurance - it is the prime requirement for you and your family. You should have one covering you, your spouse as well as your kid. It will help you in uncertain health conditions of youself and family.
3. ULIP Policy - Usually policies like such are not beneficial. But these are all paid-up, good point here. Whenever you get this, try to invest it in equity and hybrid mutual funds.
4. You will get 41 lakhs from property selling. Invest the entire amount in mutual funds, a mix of equity and debt funds.
5. Cumulative MF portfolio = 1.05 crores. As the entire corpus is huge, take the advice of a proper advisor on managing your overall investments and portfolio. A guided investment always generates better result than a random portfolio.

Your annual needs - 12 lakhs; Wife will earn - 3.5 lakhs till 2037. You need additional 8.5 lakhs per year to manage your expenses.
- You can initiate a SWP from your overall savings after allocating it in correct funds with the help of advisor.
- You need to have a dedicated corpus for your son's need in your absence. Atleast 50-70 lakhs should be kept solely for your son.
- The overall corpus seems insufficient to meet your requirements for now. You can either postpone your retirement and create an additional savings corpus for your future and son. Or you may consider to work on your monthly budget.

Do work with a professional advisor to guide you with exact funds to meet your desired goals.
Hence consult a professional Certified Financial Planner - a CFP who can guide you with exact funds to invest in keeping in mind your age, requirements, financial goals and risk profile. A CFP periodically reviews your portfolio and suggest any amendments to be made, if required.

Let me know if you need more help.

Best Regards,
Reetika Sharma, Certified Financial Planner
https://www.instagram.com/cfpreetika/

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2025Hindi
Relationship
I am 43 years old married man, arranged marriage. Married for past 13 years with 4 kids (aged 2, 3, 10 and 13). I work abroad with good salary package and live with my family. My wife is MSc. and home maker. She teaches the kids and cooks and takes good care of kids. I am academic research scholar. From the start of our marriage, I noticed my wife does not open much and moderate religious person. I am also not very extrovert person. I work from 8 am to 5 pm in office which is walkable distance from my house. After coming from office, I help her in kichen daily, look after the kids, help kids in math, clean the house, put the yougest kid to sleep, then I get some 'me' time which happens only after 11:30 pm in the night. I dont use phone untill everybody is sleep or my kids dont allow me to use phone while i am playing with them. Now sometimes I feel we are just room mates with 1-2 times sex in a month. In terms of love with my wife, I initiate all the time, she never expresses love. I am not very possessive kind of person. She does not show any interest in my work and never ask me hows my day etc. She only smiles and rarely laught. I thought may be it will improve with time. There is no money issue, she buys what ever she likes. She has her own card and I provide extra money if she asks. I assumed may be she does not like me from the beginning but staying in marriage due to family pressure and kids. I am average looking person and dont accept everything what she says in terms of investment, holiday etc. I had accepted my fate. She started doing book writing and publishing online and now earning and keeping separate account, She is very excited about it and feels happy and shares with me the publication but not the earnings. I give suggestions and money what ever she asks for marketting and promotion etc. I am happy for her. Recently I came across an email in her phone which was from her ex. There was a long deleted chat, in summary they were madly in love but could not get married, i dont know the reason or even she never spoke about him. they kept chatting even after our marriage. Her ex got married and divorsed with one grownup kid. He is single and work abroad in a different country with good salary package (may be better than mine). She emailed him after long time I guess but now she is secretly chatting with him very often. she keeps her phone locked and deletes the chats. He is also interested and asking her to leave and marry him. She is not saying yes to him but regrets that she married me. At this point I dont know if I should talk to her regarding this but she will definitely be upset to know i checked her phone. Few years back we had a major fight (that time i didnot know about her ex), i had proposed for divorse and settle it mutually if she is not happy with me but she denied and stayed. I dont know what I should do to make her happy. we both are from very respected family in the society and I dont know if her parents knew about her affair. Even though she is chatting with him but she behaves very normal with me, no fight no argument, as if nothing is happening. I dont know whats in her mind, is she just casually chatting with him or buying time, waiting for the right moment to leave? Shall I file for divorse or accept my fate as room mates. Am I worrying too much?
Ans: First, let me say this clearly: you are not worrying “too much.” Your concerns are valid. When emotional connection, affection, and curiosity about each other’s inner worlds are absent for years, and when secrecy enters the relationship, it naturally shakes trust. The fact that she is emotionally engaging with a past love, hiding communication, and expressing regret about marrying you — even if not directly to your face — is not a small or harmless thing. It doesn’t automatically mean she will leave, but it does mean there is unresolved emotional business that cannot be ignored.
At the same time, it’s important not to jump straight to extremes like divorce or silent resignation. Right now, the most important thing is clarity — for you and for her. Living as silent roommates while carrying this knowledge will slowly erode your self-worth and peace of mind. You deserve honesty, and your marriage deserves a chance to be examined truthfully, not just maintained for appearances, family reputation, or routine.
If you choose to speak to her, the way you approach it will matter far more than the fact that you looked at her phone. Try not to lead with accusation or surveillance. Lead with your emotional reality. You can say something like: you’ve been feeling emotionally distant for a long time, you feel you’re always the one initiating closeness, and recently you’ve felt even more unsettled and insecure about where you stand in her life. You don’t need to reveal every detail of what you saw immediately; the goal is to open a conversation about emotional honesty, not to trap her in a confession.
Pay close attention to how she responds. Not defensiveness alone, but whether she shows willingness to reflect, to talk about her inner world, and to consider rebuilding emotional intimacy with you. A marriage can sometimes be repaired even after emotional betrayal — but only if both partners are willing to be transparent and actively work on reconnecting. If she avoids the conversation, minimizes your feelings, or continues secrecy, then you will have important information about where the marriage truly stands.
It’s also worth acknowledging something gently but honestly: your wife may have spent years emotionally closed not because of you alone, but because she never fully processed the loss of that earlier relationship. Her recent independence and success may have stirred unresolved emotions and old longings. That explains her behavior, but it does not justify secrecy or emotional infidelity. Understanding this can help you speak with compassion without sacrificing your boundaries.
Before making any legal decisions, I strongly encourage you to consider couples counseling, ideally with someone experienced in long-term marriages and emotional affairs. A neutral space can help both of you speak truths that feel too risky at home. It will also help you understand whether she wants to stay and rebuild, or whether she is emotionally preparing to leave.
As for “accepting your fate,” I want to be very clear: accepting a life where you feel invisible, undesired, and emotionally alone is not a virtue. It is a slow form of self-erasure. Your children benefit most not from parents who silently endure, but from adults who model honesty, self-respect, and emotional responsibility.
You don’t have to decide everything right now. But you do need to stop carrying this alone. The next step is not divorce or resignation — it’s an honest, calm, courageous conversation focused on emotional truth. From there, the path forward will become clearer, even if it’s difficult.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |648 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 16, 2025Hindi
Relationship
My husband doesn't lock the door when we have s**. This was the main reason for his ex-wife to divorce him. His parents feel that it is safer to keep the door unlocked in case of emergencies. But honestly,I feel awkward. I am not comfortable. Once his sister casually walked in to pick up some stuff, ignoring us on the bed. I was clothed but it still made me feel uncomfortable. We don't have a private bedroom but we use the bed at night. There are two shared wardrobes in the room which people need to access. I have explained this to my husband but he says I need to learn to adjust and work around it. Even if the door is closed, I always fear that someone might just walk in. What to do?
Ans: This is not a small preference issue. This is about personal boundaries and bodily autonomy. Even if nothing “bad” has happened, the fear of being walked in on is enough to make your body stay tense. That anxiety alone can affect your sense of dignity, desire, and emotional security. The fact that his ex-wife divorced him over the same issue tells you that this pattern is longstanding and not something you are imagining.
Your husband and his parents may frame this as “safety” or “emergency access,” but that argument does not hold when weighed against your right to privacy. Emergencies are rare; violations of comfort are happening now. A locked door during intimacy does not mean negligence—it means respect. Many families manage emergencies with simple alternatives like knocking, calling out, or keeping keys for true emergencies. What’s happening instead is that your need for privacy is being minimized, and you are being asked to suppress discomfort for the convenience of others.
The incident with his sister casually entering is especially important. Even though you were clothed, your body registered that as a boundary breach. The fact that it was brushed off is likely reinforcing your fear that this could happen again. Over time, this can quietly erode trust and sexual comfort—not because you’re “overthinking,” but because your nervous system is constantly on alert.
You need to shift the conversation with your husband away from “adjustment” and toward non-negotiable boundaries. This isn’t about arguing logic; it’s about stating a clear emotional and physical limit. You might say something like:
“I cannot feel safe or comfortable being intimate without privacy. This isn’t something I can adjust to. If intimacy continues without a locked door, I will start avoiding it—not out of punishment, but because my body feels unsafe.”
That’s not a threat. That’s honesty.
If the room layout is genuinely impractical, then the solution is not for you to tolerate discomfort, but for the household to change logistics—restricted access at night, fixed timings, or creating a private space. Privacy is a shared responsibility, not a burden placed on one person to endure.
If your husband continues to dismiss this after you clearly express it, that’s a deeper issue than doors. It signals a lack of attunement to your emotional safety, and that deserves serious attention—possibly with a counselor, especially given that this issue has already broken a marriage before.
You are not asking for something unreasonable. You are asking for respect.

...Read more

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1754 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 18, 2025

Relationship
Mam, I know some ways by which i can change my state of mind from lazy to working.. and having pressure/deadline helps to move on. But still I'm get trapped in guilt of actions and don't feel confident that next time i will be able to control myself..( cuz some actions give short pleasure/gratification easily.. but guilts also). And in all those silent, sad, depressed emotional time my Real working time gets wasted.. and feels like I just live in more guilt and saddness..even if it hurts. But don't wanna live like that!! What I do?
Ans: Dear Work,
Focus in any area of Life comes only when you realize WHY you are doing WHAT you are doing in that area.
For eg: If you decide to lose weight and just randomly join the gym without understanding WHY you are in the gym, a few days later, you will drop out. Mind you, that LOSING WEIGHT is not your reason; WHY do you want to lose that weight is the only thing that will keep you focused and motivated.
Hence, if you are giving into short term distractions, then obviously whatever it is that you are doing is not interesting you and so you get easily distracted.
Take one area of your life at a time; drop your goals in paper and mark a strong WHY against each. If it isn't motivating you enough, go back to the Drawing Board and do the exercise until you find that fire in your belly.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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