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Financial Planner - Answered on Mar 02, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Mar 02, 2024Hindi
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As part of a couple in our early 30s, along with our elderly parents, we have a combined annual income of Rs 1.08 crores. How can we collectively plan for both our retirement and the financial well-being of our parents in the long run?

Ans: Balancing your financial needs and that of your parents, while planning for retirement, requires a comprehensive strategy. Here's a roadmap to get you started:

1. Understand your financial situation:

Gather information about:

• Income: List down your combined annual income (Rs 1.08 crore) and any other sources of income like rental income or investments.
• Expenses: Track your monthly expenses for a few months to understand your spending habits.
• Debts: List down any outstanding debts like mortgages, car loans, etc., including your parents' debts if applicable.
• Retirement benefits: Check your eligibility and potential benefits from social security or employer-sponsored retirement plans.
• Parents' needs: Estimate your parents' current and future financial needs, including healthcare costs.

2. Set retirement goals:

• Desired retirement age: Decide when you and your partner wish to retire.
• Desired lifestyle: Determine the lifestyle you envision in retirement, considering travel, hobbies, and potential healthcare needs.
• Financial goals: Based on your desired lifestyle and life expectancy, calculate the estimated corpus (total sum) required for your retirement. Consider inflation while making these calculations.

3. Create a financial plan:

• Debt management: Prioritise paying off high-interest debts to free up future income for savings and investments.
• Budgeting: Create a budget that allocates funds for essential expenses, savings, and debt repayments. You can involve your parents in creating a budget for their expenses as well.
• Savings and investments: Explore various investment options like mutual funds, PPF (Public Provident Fund), or NPS (National Pension Scheme) based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Utilize tax-advantaged retirement accounts like 401(k)s or IRAs if available to you.
• Healthcare planning: Consider health insurance plans for yourselves and your parents to manage potential medical costs in the future.

4. Open communication and support:

• Discuss openly: Have open and honest conversations with your partner and parents about your financial situation, goals, and expectations. This fosters transparency and builds trust within the family.
• Seek professional guidance: Consulting a financial advisor can help you create a personalized plan considering your specific financial situation and retirement goals. They can also guide you on investment strategies and risk management.

Additional considerations:

• Government schemes: Explore government schemes for senior citizens like the Senior Citizen Savings Scheme (SCSS) or the Pradhan Mantri Jan Dhan Yojana (PMJDY) that may benefit your parents.
• Downsizing: Consider downsizing your living situation or exploring alternative housing options in retirement to potentially reduce living expenses.
• Part-time work: If feasible, consider continuing part-time work in retirement to supplement your income and maintain an active lifestyle.

Remember, this is a general framework, and it's crucial to tailor it to your specific circumstances. Consulting a financial advisor can provide personalised guidance and ensure your financial plan considers all the complexities involved.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Moneywize

Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Feb 29, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 28, 2024Hindi
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My spouse and I are in our early 30s, earning Rs 7 lakhs monthly. Our aim is to create a substantial wealth reserve for our retirement and our children's future. How can we effectively manage our finances and investments to reach our financial goals?
Ans: Here are some steps you and your spouse can take to effectively manage your finances and investments towards your retirement and children's future:

1. Set SMART financial goals:

• Specific: Clearly define your goals. Instead of ‘substantial wealth’, aim for a specific target corpus (total amount) needed for retirement and children's education.
• Measurable: Track your progress by setting milestones with timelines, like saving a particular amount by a certain year.
• Attainable: Be realistic about your income and risk tolerance when setting targets.
• Relevant: Ensure your goals align with your family's needs and priorities.
• Time-bound: Set deadlines for achieving each goal, keeping short, medium, and long-term timelines in mind.

2. Create a budget and track expenses:

• List your monthly income (Rs 7 lakh) and all expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, groceries, transportation, entertainment, etc.).
• Categorise expenses as essential, discretionary, and debt.
• Utilise budgeting apps or spreadsheets to track your income and expenses.
• Identify areas where you can cut back on discretionary spending.

3. Build an emergency fund:

• Aim for 3-6 months of your living expenses saved in a high-interest savings account for unexpected emergencies.

4. Prioritise debt repayment:

• Focus on paying off high-interest debt like credit cards before aggressively investing.
• Consider debt consolidation to lower your interest rate and simplify repayment.

5. Invest for the future:

• Employer-sponsored retirement plans: Contribute the maximum allowed to your company's retirement plan (like Provident Fund or National Pension System) to benefit from employer matching and tax advantages.
• Mutual funds: Invest in diversified mutual funds based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Consider seeking professional guidance for choosing suitable funds.
• Public Provident Fund (PPF): This government scheme offers tax-free returns and long-term investment benefits.
• Real estate (optional): Consider real estate as a long-term investment, but be aware of associated responsibilities and market fluctuations.

6. Seek professional financial advice:

• Consulting a certified financial planner can help you create a personalised financial plan considering your specific needs and risk tolerance.

Additional tips:

• Automate your finances: Set up automatic transfers for savings and investments to ensure consistent saving and reaching your goals faster.
• Review your financial plan regularly: Adjust your plan as your income, expenses, and life goals evolve.
• Stay informed: Educate yourselves about personal finance and investment options through reliable sources.

Remember, building wealth takes discipline, consistency, and patience. By following these steps and adapting them to your specific circumstances, you and your spouse can effectively manage your finances and work towards a secure future for yourselves and your children.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 20, 2024Hindi
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We are a young couple with a combined monthly income of Rs 4.8 lakhs. Our goal is to create a retirement fund of Rs 20 crores in the next 30 years while planning for the arrival of our future children. How can we structure our financial plan to achieve these objectives?
Ans: Structuring Your Financial Plan for Retirement and Future Goals
Congratulations on your proactive approach towards financial planning! Let's outline a structured financial plan to achieve your long-term objectives of building a substantial retirement fund and preparing for the arrival of your future children.

Assessing Financial Goals
Retirement Fund Target
Your ambitious goal of accumulating Rs 20 crores for retirement in the next 30 years requires diligent planning and disciplined saving. We'll break down this target into manageable steps to ensure steady progress towards your objective.

Planning for Future Children
Preparing for the financial responsibilities associated with raising children requires careful consideration. We'll factor in potential expenses related to their education, healthcare, and overall well-being into your financial plan.

Budgeting and Saving Strategy
Establishing a Budget
Start by creating a detailed budget that accounts for your combined monthly income of Rs 4.8 lakhs. Allocate funds towards essential expenses, savings, investments, and discretionary spending, ensuring a balance between current needs and future goals.

Emphasizing Savings Discipline
Cultivate a culture of disciplined saving by setting aside a fixed portion of your income towards your retirement fund and future children's needs. Automate savings where possible to ensure consistency and avoid temptation to overspend.

Investment Strategy
Diversified Portfolio Allocation
Construct a diversified investment portfolio comprising a mix of equity, debt, and alternative investments to mitigate risk and optimize returns over the long term. Avoid over-reliance on any single asset class to ensure portfolio resilience.

Active Management Approach
Opt for actively managed funds over passive options like index funds or ETFs to capitalize on potential market opportunities and navigate market volatility effectively. Active management offers the advantage of professional expertise and flexibility in portfolio management.

Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus Accumulation
Utilize retirement calculators and projections to estimate the required monthly contributions towards your retirement fund to achieve the Rs 20 crores target in 30 years. Adjust contributions periodically based on changing financial circumstances and investment performance.

Retirement Corpus Preservation
As you approach retirement, gradually shift your investment strategy towards more conservative options to safeguard your accumulated corpus from market volatility and ensure a steady stream of income during retirement years.

Future Child Planning
Education and Healthcare Provision
Set up dedicated investment accounts or education funds to cover future expenses related to your children's education, including school fees, tuition, and extracurricular activities. Additionally, allocate funds towards healthcare expenses and insurance coverage for your family.

Estate Planning
Initiate the process of estate planning by drafting wills, establishing trusts, and appointing guardians for your children's welfare in the event of unforeseen circumstances. Regularly review and update your estate plan to reflect changing life circumstances.

Conclusion
By following a structured financial plan tailored to your long-term goals, you can achieve financial security and provide for your future children's needs while building a substantial retirement fund. Stay committed to your financial objectives and seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to navigate complex financial decisions effectively.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 22, 2024Hindi
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Hi, I am 45. Myself and wife together earning 2.3L p.m. We have kids of aged 11 years and 3 years. Our monthly expenses are around 90K. We have home loan of 75L with 80k EMI for a tenure of 13 years. We have 50L worth apartment, 40L in PPF, 55L in PF, 20L in NPS, 40L in MF, 10L in stocks and 10L in ULPIs. We have monthly MF SIP of 40K and 10K pm for term and health insurances. We want to retire in next 10 years. Please advice on how to plan for our future.
Ans: Current Financial Situation
You and your wife earn Rs 2.3 lakhs per month.

Your monthly expenses are Rs 90,000.

You have a home loan of Rs 75 lakhs with an EMI of Rs 80,000 for 13 years.

Your apartment is worth Rs 50 lakhs.

You have Rs 40 lakhs in PPF, Rs 55 lakhs in PF, Rs 20 lakhs in NPS, Rs 40 lakhs in mutual funds, Rs 10 lakhs in stocks, and Rs 10 lakhs in ULIPs.

You invest Rs 40,000 per month in SIPs and Rs 10,000 per month in term and health insurance.

You want to retire in 10 years.

Assessment of Current Investments
Mutual Funds
You have Rs 40 lakhs in mutual funds and a monthly SIP of Rs 40,000.

Mutual funds offer growth and diversification. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Provident Fund (PF) and Public Provident Fund (PPF)
You have Rs 55 lakhs in PF and Rs 40 lakhs in PPF. These are safe investments with steady returns. They are good for long-term planning.

National Pension System (NPS)
Your Rs 20 lakhs in NPS will provide a pension after retirement. It is beneficial for retirement planning.

Stocks
You have Rs 10 lakhs in stocks. Stocks can provide high returns but come with higher risk.

Unit Linked Insurance Plans (ULIPs)
You have Rs 10 lakhs in ULIPs. ULIPs combine investment and insurance. They often have high charges and lower returns compared to mutual funds.

Insurance
You invest Rs 10,000 monthly in term and health insurance. This is important for financial security.

Evaluating Future Needs
Retirement Goal
You want to retire in 10 years. Plan to cover expenses and maintain your lifestyle.

Home Loan
Your home loan is significant. Consider ways to reduce this burden before retirement.

Strategies for Future Planning
Increase SIP Investments
Consider increasing your SIP investments. This will help grow your corpus over time.

Diversify Your Portfolio
Diversify your investments to reduce risk and enhance returns. Consider actively managed funds for better performance.

Review ULIPs
ULIPs often have high charges. Consider surrendering ULIPs and reinvesting in mutual funds for better returns.

Regular Fund Investments
Investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) ensures professional guidance. Regular funds provide this advantage over direct funds.

Pay Down Home Loan
Focus on reducing your home loan. This will reduce financial stress in retirement.

Plan for Children’s Education
Set aside funds for your children’s education. This is a significant future expense.

Emergency Fund
Maintain an emergency fund for unforeseen expenses. This should cover at least 6 months of expenses.

Review Insurance Coverage
Ensure adequate term and health insurance. This protects against unexpected events.

Disadvantages of Index Funds and Direct Funds
Index Funds
Index funds track the market. They may not provide the best returns in all conditions.

Direct Funds
Direct funds require active management by the investor. This can be time-consuming and requires expertise.

Final Insights
You have a solid financial base. Focus on increasing SIP investments and diversifying your portfolio.

Review and potentially surrender ULIPs to reinvest in mutual funds.

Work on reducing your home loan to ease financial stress.

Ensure you have adequate insurance and an emergency fund.

Consider professional guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for better investment choices.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7336 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 09, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024Hindi
Money
Good evening sir. i am 66year old senior citizen retired last year.wife is 60 years n home.maker.My.investments r as follows..Shares.1.4.cr.Muttual funds.50.lakhs.Sip 75k per month for another 3 years.Real estate plot 1cr.ppf 45 lakhs valid till.2026.Gold around 80 lakhs Daughters married n settled.Son.engineering graduate recently n searching for job.How do i plan for retirement assuming lie span.upto.85.I.have.a family health insurance of 7 lakhs. Looking forward for your valuable guidance.No.liabilities n.own house.
Ans: Your investment portfolio looks quite healthy. You have a variety of assets:

Rs 1.4 crore in shares
Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds
SIP of Rs 75,000 per month for another 3 years
Rs 1 crore real estate plot
Rs 45 lakh in PPF
Rs 80 lakh in gold
You also have a health insurance cover of Rs 7 lakh and no liabilities. With your wife being a homemaker, and your children settled, the focus should be on planning for sustainable retirement income.

Let’s analyse the situation and guide you on how to ensure your funds last throughout your retirement. Your goal is to maintain financial security till the age of 85, which means planning for the next 19 years.

Evaluating Your Current Assets
Shares (Rs 1.4 crore)
This is a substantial part of your portfolio. Shares can provide high returns but are volatile. Since you are retired, you need stability more than high-risk exposure. I suggest reviewing your shareholding and considering shifting a portion of this into less risky assets.

You may continue holding some of these shares for capital appreciation.
Shift part of the portfolio into less volatile instruments for regular income.
Mutual Funds (Rs 50 lakh) and SIPs
You have Rs 50 lakh in mutual funds and an ongoing SIP of Rs 75,000 per month for another three years. This systematic investment is a good approach, as it helps build wealth.

You could switch some of these mutual funds from growth-oriented funds to regular income-oriented funds.
This will ensure a steady stream of income while still enjoying some growth.
Note: Actively managed funds could be a better option for you at this stage of life. They are guided by professional fund managers who adjust the portfolio based on market conditions. Index funds, on the other hand, follow the market passively and can be volatile.

PPF (Rs 45 lakh, Valid Till 2026)
The PPF is a safe investment, giving tax-free returns. With Rs 45 lakh, it serves as a stable part of your portfolio.

You should continue holding it until maturity in 2026.
Upon maturity, reinvesting the proceeds into senior citizen schemes or low-risk instruments can ensure steady income.
Gold (Rs 80 lakh)
Your gold holding is quite significant. While gold can act as a hedge against inflation, it does not generate regular income.

I suggest retaining some portion of the gold.
Consider liquidating part of the gold and shifting the proceeds into low-risk, income-generating investments.
Real Estate Plot (Rs 1 crore)
You have a real estate plot valued at Rs 1 crore. However, real estate is an illiquid asset and may not provide regular income unless rented or sold.

You can explore selling this property if it doesn’t generate regular cash flow.
Reinvest the proceeds into safer, more liquid instruments that provide monthly income.
Retirement Corpus and Monthly Income
At this stage, it's crucial to build a consistent monthly income stream to meet your expenses.

Look at investing a portion of your shares, mutual funds, or real estate sale proceeds into debt instruments.
Debt mutual funds, bonds, or government-backed schemes can provide a steady flow of income without high risk.
You need to evaluate your monthly expenses and match them with the income from investments. Based on your assets, there are several options that offer predictable returns:

Senior Citizens' Savings Scheme (SCSS): Offers regular income, government-backed, and safe.
Debt Funds: These are relatively safe mutual funds focusing on fixed-income securities.
Monthly Income Plans (MIPs): These are hybrid mutual funds designed to give regular income, ideal for retirees.
These options can ensure that you have a regular monthly income to meet your lifestyle needs without depending on volatile assets like shares.

Emergency Fund Planning
You should keep aside 1-2 years’ worth of expenses in a very liquid form. This ensures you are prepared for any unexpected emergencies without liquidating long-term assets.

Liquid funds or bank fixed deposits can be a suitable place to park these emergency funds.
It will give you quick access to money, should the need arise.
Health Insurance Review
You currently have health insurance of Rs 7 lakh. At your age, healthcare expenses can rise, so reviewing your health cover is essential.

I recommend increasing your coverage to at least Rs 15-20 lakh.
You can do this by either upgrading your existing policy or taking a top-up plan.
Healthcare expenses are unpredictable and can put a strain on your savings. A larger health cover can protect your retirement corpus from being eroded.

Plan for Your Wife
Since your wife is a homemaker, it is important to ensure that she has financial security. If anything were to happen to you, she must have access to regular income and health coverage.

You can consider setting up joint investment accounts with your wife.
Ensure that your will and nominations are up to date.
Also, review her health insurance separately. Since she is 60 years old, it’s important that she has adequate cover in case of emergencies.

Structuring Your Retirement Income
Given the wide range of assets you have, structuring them properly is key to meeting your retirement goals. Here's how you can proceed:

Short-term needs (1-3 years): Keep money in highly liquid assets like bank FDs or liquid funds for emergencies.

Medium-term needs (3-10 years): Invest in debt mutual funds, bonds, or SCSS for regular income.

Long-term needs (10-15 years): Keep a portion of your shares and mutual funds invested for growth, but gradually move some into safer instruments.

Inflation Protection
You must also account for inflation in your retirement planning. Inflation will erode the value of your savings over time.

Consider keeping a portion of your funds invested in growth-oriented assets like mutual funds.
Gold also acts as a hedge against inflation, so maintaining some of your gold holdings will help.
Estate Planning
Since you own significant assets, it’s important to ensure a smooth transfer to your heirs.

Create a will if you haven’t already.
Review your nominations in all investment accounts and insurance policies to avoid legal complications.
You should ensure that your son, daughter, and wife are clear about your financial plans. This will help them manage assets if you are no longer able to.

Finally
You are in a strong financial position, but retirement requires careful planning. Diversifying your assets into more stable, income-generating options will give you the peace of mind that your money will last for the rest of your life.

Consider reducing exposure to volatile assets like shares.
Ensure regular monthly income through safer investments like debt mutual funds and senior citizen schemes.
Increase your health insurance cover to protect against rising healthcare costs.
By structuring your investments properly and making adjustments where necessary, you can ensure that you enjoy a comfortable retirement without worrying about outliving your savings.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Latest Questions
Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |475 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

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I am talking to a boy for arranged marriage. He said me that come to Bangalore you will have a good career. But he is also asking me if I can leave my job if I have got some responsibility in life to which I said yes. Then I said that I prefer own cooked food over cook cooked food. Then he asked me if I can cook for 2 people to which I said that I will have to look if I can do. He seems to be supportive when he talks on phone. Is he brain washing me, should I say yes or no. Is he a red flag. What should I do.
Ans: Dear Moumita,
It isn't fair to label someone as a red flag over a few days of conversation; seeing women take up responsibilities of home and disregard their own career or needs might be what he has seen growing up and it's not him being a red flag intentionally. A lot has to do with upbringing. What I can suggest with confidence is that if you love having your own job, and your own financial independence then please be vocal about it. Just because he is asking you to leave your job doesn't mean you have to do it- you are only in the talking phase. You are not married yet. You have ample time to rethink your choice. Cooking and housework shouldn’t just be your responsibility, just like earning and providing shouldn’t only be his. It’s about sharing the load equally. Having said that, I should also mention that every relationship is different, and each couple finds their own way of balancing things. Ultimately, everything boils down to what you are comfortable with- please take some time to figure that out and only then decide whether or not to take this relationship ahead.

Hope this helps.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 25, 2024
Relationship
Hi, My GF of last 2.5 years gets attracted to men very often and shares her feelings with me as well. She developed feelings for a guy a year back and he kissed her once when they were drunk. She said she didn't had time to react and Later they had a talk, she informed me that they chose to be friends, she doesn't seems to in talking terms any more with him. She talks to lot of male friends who she claims are from LGBTQ community which I doubt whether all are or not. I always say she has the freedom to move on any given day but she can't cheat but she doesn't think getting attracted to multiple men and acting on it as cheating . She says, she is free spirited and she is ok even if I visit a prostitute house. She is in her early 30s. She had a crush another guy on insta and said she will definitely try him if he wasn't lot younger than her but later said he is her best friend and she is in constant touch. Lately, she says vibe doesn't match and have problem saying I am her BF. I tried to move on from relationship 2-3 times because of her above traits and now stopped talking since few days. She had both mental and medical issues. Can I trust her and will she have any mental issues again?
Ans: While it’s commendable that she is honest about her feelings and gives you the freedom to make your choices, it’s equally important to consider whether her values and actions align with what you need in a partner. Relationships thrive when there’s mutual respect, understanding, and agreement on boundaries. If her actions or mindset make you feel undervalued or emotionally unsafe, it’s crucial to reflect on whether this relationship is truly serving your well-being.

The fact that you’ve tried to move on multiple times suggests that there is a deeper discomfort within you about the dynamics between you two. Trust is not just about fidelity; it’s about emotional safety, reliability, and mutual respect. If her behavior consistently makes you question her commitment or your place in her life, that erosion of trust can become difficult to rebuild.

As for her mental and medical challenges, it’s important to approach those with empathy, but also with a clear understanding that you cannot "fix" or "heal" someone unless they are actively seeking and working toward their own well-being. If she has not addressed her mental health or continues behaviors that affect the relationship without taking responsibility, it can lead to ongoing strain for you. Her mental health challenges are not excuses for harmful behavior, nor should they become reasons for you to sacrifice your own emotional health.

You’ve already shown patience and willingness to work through these challenges, but the repeated cycles of doubt and frustration may be a sign that the relationship is taking more from you than it’s giving. Ask yourself if you feel supported, valued, and emotionally safe in this partnership. Relationships should bring out the best in you and your partner, not leave you questioning your worth or constantly trying to accommodate behavior that feels unfair.

Taking a step back, as you’ve done now, can give you the clarity to evaluate what you truly want and need in a relationship. If trust feels irreparably broken or if her behaviors and values are fundamentally misaligned with yours, it may be time to consider whether staying in this relationship is the healthiest choice for you. You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries and builds a connection based on mutual trust and understanding.

If you decide to stay, open communication and possibly couples’ therapy could help bridge the gaps. If you choose to move on, trust that this decision is about prioritizing your well-being and finding a relationship that aligns with your values and needs. Either way, your happiness and emotional health should come first.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Anu, My husband is in living relationship with another lady since April in another country. At the same time, he acused me as selfish for doing my PhD in my native country and put me in mental trauma by verbally accusing.Also,he was very clever, he step by step get rid of all the things related to our relationship and took bank all the bank fund in my name.After that he blocked me.I had doubts on his extra marital and asked him 1000 times. But he simply insulted and blocked me from all social media eventually. After finishing my PhD pre submission, when i went to meet him, in his place. I found him, shifted to another apartment. But i somehow, found it and there i came to knew, he is staying with a lady there for past months. I broke down and informed all his friends. Now he is threatening me for signing mutual consent, otherwise he will make false allegations and tore my good name..Already he partially did that. When I talked to his friends, he was crooked enough to tell them, i am a psycho, ademant, career oriented lady. I told him i am ready to give him mutual divorce after once we met in person. I want to ask him why he cheated me.but he is not ready to meet, he is asking me to talk to his advocate. What shall I do now?
Ans: While it’s natural to want answers and closure, sometimes people who betray us in such profound ways refuse to provide the accountability we seek. Closure doesn’t always come from the other person. It can come from recognizing that their actions stem from their own flaws and failings, not because of anything lacking in you. It can come from choosing to let go of the need for explanations and focusing instead on rebuilding your own sense of peace and purpose.

You’ve already demonstrated incredible strength by standing up to him and exposing the truth to his friends. That takes courage. But this is also a time to lean into your inner resilience and ensure you’re supported by professionals who can guide you through the legal and emotional complexities. Speaking with a family lawyer who understands the nuances of your situation will help you feel empowered to navigate his threats and protect your rights. At the same time, connecting with a counselor or therapist can offer a safe space to process your emotions and begin to heal from this trauma.

It’s okay to grieve the relationship and the betrayal. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or even numbness at times. These emotions are all part of the process of moving forward. Allow yourself to feel them without judgment, but also remind yourself that this pain is temporary and does not define you. You are more than what has been done to you.

When you feel ready, try to shift your focus away from him and his actions and toward your own well-being and future. You’ve worked so hard on your PhD and have built a life full of potential and possibility. This chapter doesn’t have to define the rest of your story. You are capable of creating a life that is free from manipulation and filled with self-respect, joy, and the kind of peace that comes from living authentically.

Lean on the people who believe in you, who see your value, and who can remind you of your strength when you feel unsure. Remember, you don’t have to handle this alone. Whether it’s through professional guidance or emotional support from trusted loved ones, there are paths forward that will help you rise above this situation. You deserve a life where your worth is honored, your boundaries are respected, and your happiness takes center stage.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |447 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 23, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello, I am a 35-year woman from Manali, divorced for three years now. My family is constantly pushing me to get remarried, saying it’s ‘for my own good.’ But honestly, I don’t feel the need for marriage again. I’m financially stable, have great friends, and I genuinely enjoy my independence. Despite explaining this to my family multiple times, they keep bringing up alliances and even guilt-trip me, saying things like, ‘Who will take care of you when you’re older?’ or ‘What will society think?’ I’m exhausted from these arguments and feel like I’m being cornered into something I don’t want. How do I stand firm in my decision while maintaining my relationship with my family? How do I help them understand that being single is a choice, not a problem to fix?
Ans: When speaking to your family, try to approach the conversation from a place of empathy. Acknowledge their intentions by telling them you understand their worries and that they want what they believe is best for you. Express gratitude for their care—it often helps diffuse their defensiveness. However, it’s equally important to gently but firmly assert that your happiness is not dependent on remarriage. Share how content you are with your current life, emphasizing your financial stability, fulfilling friendships, and personal growth.

Sometimes families struggle to accept choices that diverge from traditional norms, often driven by fears about societal perceptions or imagined futures. Reassure them that your decision is rooted in thoughtful consideration and self-awareness, and that you’ve built a life that brings you peace and joy. If they bring up concerns like loneliness or old age, you can address these by expressing how you’ve cultivated strong support systems and how your independence equips you to face challenges.

It might also help to set gentle boundaries. For instance, you could say, “I appreciate that you care for me, but I’d like our time together to focus on enjoying each other’s company instead of discussing remarriage.” It’s okay to redirect conversations or take a break from them when you feel cornered.

Lastly, remember that changing deeply ingrained beliefs takes time. Your family might not immediately understand your perspective, but consistency and calm communication will help over time. It’s not your responsibility to conform to their expectations if doing so diminishes your sense of self. By staying true to your values while showing compassion for their concerns, you’re paving the way for mutual respect and understanding.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 19, 2024Hindi
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Dr, I’m 35 years old from Jamnagar, and my husband and I have been trying for a baby for the past year, but nothing seems to be working. I recently visited a fertility clinic in neighborhood , and after a few tests, they mentioned that I might have blocked fallopian tubes. The gynaec also talked about possible treatments like surgery or IVF, but I’m really confused and worried. Should I go for a laparoscopy to check the severity, or are there any other alternatives that could help me? I’m really anxious and just want to understand my options better before making any decisions.
Ans: History noted.
Considering your age 35 years, trying to conceive since, one year and few test done, one of which suggest possibility of tubal blockage, there are various modalities of treatment.
Firstly, you can do laparoscopy to note the severity if blockage and do tubal cannulation.
Tubal cannulation is often the first line of treatment for patients with blocked fallopian tubes because it's a non-invasive procedure that's widely available.
Tubal cannulation is a procedure that can unblock fallopian tubes and is highly successful for proximal tubal blockages, with a success rate of over 80%. However, it may not be successful for all patients and is not recommended for distal tubal occlusions.
This procedure if successful can avoid IVF procedure. Laparoscopy has…
Yes, before ivf get all your blood test, ecg, 2 D echo, xray chest to rule out any illness
Same with your husband to get semen analysis and viral markers with blood sugars to be done.

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Dr Nandita

Dr Nandita Palshetkar  |36 Answers  |Ask -

Gynaecologist, IVF expert - Answered on Dec 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 17, 2024Hindi
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Hello Doctor, I’m in my late 20s, and lately, I’ve been feeling like something’s off with my body. My periods either show up way too early, sometimes not at all for months. And, I’ve been putting on weight even though I haven’t changed my diet or exercise routine. My skin has also turned into a battlefield with acne all over, which I never used to have before. My cousin, who’s around my age, just found out she has PCOS, and her mom (my aunt) went through something similar when she was younger. Now, I’m scared because I’ve been hearing all these horror stories about how it can affect fertility, and I’m not even married yet. What if it’s a family thing and I end up facing the same problems? My mom says, ‘Don’t worry, it’ll be fine,’ but I can’t stop thinking about it. Should I see a gynecologist, or is there another kind of doctor I should be visiting? What tests should I do to get to the bottom of this before it gets worse? Honestly, I’m feeling overwhelmed and just want to know what’s going on before it’s too late.
Ans: Hello, noted your concerns
You are in late 20’s with irregular periods, acne, weight gain,
You are undergoing hormonal imbalance
We need to do certain blood test like
CBC, tsh prolactin fasting insulin level
Hba1c, testosterone level
DHEA, LH FSH ESTRADIOL LEVEL
Amd AMH level to check for fertility level
Usg pelvis to rule out
Pcos
The mainstay treatment. For pcos is lifestyle changes
1) Daily exercise, walks. Zumba, running
2) Good nutritious food with proteins, vitamins, minerals, low carbs and fats
3) good adequate sleep 7 to 8 hours
4) stress management: yoga meditation, breathing exercise
5) supplements to controls effects of pcos
6) low dose OC PILLS TO regularize the cycles

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