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Moneywize   |174 Answers  |Ask -

Financial Planner - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

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Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2024Hindi
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Ours is a family of 3 people -- My wife, I and my daughter who is 15. I am 39, my wife is 37 and our monthly expenses are Rs 90K. I own my house and expect to have no fixed income after 65 years, and expect to live till 75. Considering the ever increasing price rise what should be my corpus at 65 for me to continue living the life style I am living today?

Ans: Calculating your retirement corpus:

Here's how to estimate the corpus you'll need to maintain your current lifestyle after retirement:

1. Retirement period:

You plan to retire at 65 and expect to live till 75. So, your retirement period is 75 - 65 = 10 years.

2. Inflation adjustment:

You've rightly considered inflation. To estimate future expenses, we need to factor in inflation. A safe assumption for India is 5-7% inflation. Let's take an average of 6%.

3. Current monthly expenses:

You spend Rs 90,000 per month currently.

4. Future monthly expenses:

To find the monthly expense at retirement (at 65), we need to consider inflation for 26 years (39 years till retirement + 10 years retirement).

You can use an inflation calculator online or a simple formula:

Future monthly expense = Current monthly expense * (1 + Inflation rate)^number of years

In your case, Future monthly expense = Rs 90,000 * (1 + 0.06)^26 ≈ Rs 3,28,550 (approximately Rs 3.29 lakh)

5. Total corpus calculation:

Now you can calculate the total corpus needed. Here's a common approach:

Total corpus = Monthly expense * Number of years in retirement * 12 (months)

However, this method doesn't consider the fact that you'll be withdrawing money every month, reducing the corpus. A more accurate method is using the Time Value of Money (TVM) concept. There are online TVM calculators or Excel functions you can use.

Here's an alternative approach that provides a reasonable estimate:

Multiply the future monthly expense (Rs 3.29 lakh) by a factor considering inflation over the period. This factor can vary depending on your risk tolerance and investment strategy. A factor of 200 is often used as a conservative estimate.
Total corpus = Rs 3.29 lakh/month * 200 (factor) = Rs 6.58 crore (approximately Rs 658 million)

Additional factors to consider:

• Daughter's future expenses: Your daughter will be an adult by the time you retire. While she won't be financially dependent, consider any potential future support you might want to provide for her education or marriage.
• Healthcare costs: Healthcare expenses tend to increase with age. Factor in potential medical needs during retirement.
• Debt: If you have any outstanding debt by the time you retire, you'll need to account for its repayment in your corpus calculation.
• Investment returns: The corpus amount assumes a certain rate of return on your investments. Research different investment options and their potential returns to refine your calculations.

Recommendation:

Consult a financial advisor for a personalised retirement plan considering your specific financial situation, risk tolerance, and investment goals. They can help you create a more comprehensive plan and suggest suitable investment strategies to achieve your corpus target.

Remember, this is an estimate. Regularly review your plan and adjust it based on changing circumstances.
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 26, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 16, 2023Hindi
Money
Family of 2, 55 Years, no loans, monthly expenses Rs.70K, own house, no fixed income after say 62 years, normal like expectancy 80 years (anything can happen though) - What should be corpus on hand at 62 years to continue same life style considering ever growing inflation. Thanks.
Ans: Understanding Retirement Planning Needs

Planning for retirement is crucial for financial security. At 55, you have some years to build your corpus. Considering your current lifestyle, expenses, and inflation is essential for accurate planning.

Current Expenses and Future Projections

Your monthly expenses are Rs 70,000. To maintain the same lifestyle after retirement, consider inflation. Inflation reduces purchasing power over time. This means your expenses will increase in the future.

Calculating Future Monthly Expenses

Assume an average inflation rate of 6%. Your monthly expenses of Rs 70,000 today will be significantly higher by the time you turn 62. Using an inflation rate of 6%, your future expenses can be calculated.

Estimating Retirement Corpus

To sustain your lifestyle, you need to estimate the total corpus required. This corpus should cover your expenses from age 62 to your expected lifespan, which is 80 years.

Factoring in Inflation

Assuming your expenses grow due to inflation, the corpus calculation must factor in this growth. This ensures your corpus is adequate for future needs.

Inflation-Adjusted Expenses

At 6% inflation, expenses will increase. For example, Rs 70,000 today will be more in 7 years. Calculating future expenses accurately ensures you set aside enough funds.

Retirement Corpus Calculation

A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can help calculate your exact retirement corpus. They will consider your current expenses, inflation, and expected lifespan.

Importance of Investing Wisely

Investments play a crucial role in building your retirement corpus. Diversify your investments to balance risk and returns. Equities, debt, and hybrid funds should be part of your portfolio.

Equity Investments

Equity investments are vital for growth. They offer higher returns but come with higher risks. Choose funds with a good track record and experienced fund managers.

Debt Investments

Debt investments provide stability. They offer lower returns but are less volatile. Including debt funds in your portfolio balances the risk from equity investments.

Hybrid Investments

Hybrid funds offer a balanced approach. They invest in both equities and debt. This provides a mix of growth potential and stability, suitable for moderate risk-takers.

Avoiding Index Funds

Index funds mimic market indices and do not aim to outperform. They lack the potential for higher returns that actively managed funds offer. In retirement planning, actively managed funds can provide better growth.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds

Actively managed funds have fund managers making investment decisions. These managers aim to outperform the market, potentially offering higher returns than index funds.

Disadvantages of Direct Funds

Direct funds require self-management and market knowledge. Regular funds, managed by professionals, offer expert guidance and timely rebalancing, ensuring alignment with financial goals.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner

A Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized advice. They assess your financial situation, risk tolerance, and goals, creating a comprehensive plan for your retirement.

Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing

Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio. This ensures your investments remain aligned with your goals and risk profile. Rebalancing involves adjusting your portfolio based on performance and market conditions.

Setting Clear Financial Goals

Define clear financial goals for your retirement. Knowing your goals helps in creating a focused investment strategy. This includes setting aside funds for healthcare, travel, and other post-retirement needs.

Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This fund should be liquid and easily accessible. It provides financial security in case of emergencies.

Healthcare Expenses

Plan for healthcare expenses post-retirement. Medical costs tend to increase with age. Including healthcare in your retirement planning ensures you are financially prepared for medical needs.

Considering Longevity

Your retirement corpus should last throughout your retirement years. Consider the possibility of living beyond the average life expectancy. This ensures financial security in the later years of life.

Consolidating Investments

Consider consolidating your investments for better management. Fewer, well-chosen funds make monitoring and rebalancing easier. This also reduces the complexity of managing multiple investments.

Long-Term Investment Horizon

A long-term investment horizon allows for market fluctuations. Staying invested over the long term can help in achieving better returns through the power of compounding.

Tax Planning

Incorporate tax planning in your retirement strategy. Understanding tax implications on your investments and withdrawals can help in optimizing your returns and ensuring tax efficiency.

Conclusion

Planning for retirement is essential for maintaining your lifestyle. Considering inflation, investment options, and professional guidance will help in building an adequate retirement corpus. Regular monitoring and rebalancing ensure your investments stay on track.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 04, 2024

Money
We are family of 3 . My husband 43 myself 40 daughter 10 years .No loans .monthly earnings 4 lakhs . savings approx 1.5 cr approx in mfs etc .we plan to retire at 55 . Monthly expenses is 1 lakh approx . What corpus should we be looking at consideration of inflation and also to maintain the lifestyle today
Ans: Let’s delve into your financial situation and chart out a path to ensure a comfortable retirement at 55.

Current Financial Snapshot
Family: You are 40, your husband is 43, and you have a 10-year-old daughter.

Income: Combined monthly earnings are Rs. 4 lakhs.

Expenses: Monthly expenses are around Rs. 1 lakh.

Savings: Approximately Rs. 1.5 crores in mutual funds and other investments.

Retirement Goal: Plan to retire at 55.

Retirement Goals and Planning
To retire comfortably at 55 and maintain your current lifestyle, you need to account for inflation and future expenses.

Estimating Future Expenses
Current Monthly Expenses: Rs. 1 lakh

Inflation Rate: Let's assume an average inflation rate of 6% per annum.

Calculating Future Monthly Expenses
Your expenses will increase due to inflation. Here’s how you can estimate it:

Future Monthly Expenses:

In 15 years (when you retire at 55), your Rs. 1 lakh today will not be worth the same due to inflation.
With an assumed inflation rate of 6%, your expenses could rise significantly.
Lifestyle Maintenance:

To maintain the same lifestyle, you need to plan for increased expenses.
Let's calculate the corpus required to sustain these future expenses.
Corpus Calculation for Retirement
You need a retirement corpus that generates enough income to cover your future expenses without depleting the principal amount too quickly.

Factors to Consider:
Retirement Duration: Plan for at least 30 years of retirement.
Post-Retirement Inflation: Consider a lower inflation rate post-retirement, say 4%.
Expected Returns: Assume a conservative return on investments post-retirement, around 7%.
Investment Strategy for Building Corpus
1. Enhance Existing Investments
Your current savings in mutual funds are a great start. Here’s how to enhance it:

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs):

Increase your monthly SIPs to benefit from compounding.
Choose a diversified portfolio of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Equity Mutual Funds:

Continue investing in equity mutual funds for growth.
Ensure a balanced portfolio with a mix of high-risk and low-risk funds.
2. Diversify with Debt Instruments
While equity provides growth, debt instruments offer stability and safety.

Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest in debt mutual funds for a stable return.
Choose funds with a mix of short-term and long-term bonds.
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

PPF is a safe, tax-efficient investment.
Continue or start contributing to PPF for assured returns.
3. Gold Investments
Gold acts as a hedge against inflation and market volatility.

Gold Sovereign Bonds:
Continue holding gold bonds for diversification.
Consider periodic investments in gold during price dips.
4. Retirement Specific Plans
Invest in instruments specifically designed for retirement to ensure a steady income post-retirement.

National Pension System (NPS):

NPS offers good returns with tax benefits.
It’s a good option for long-term retirement planning.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF):

Ensure you maximize contributions to EPF.
It’s a safe, tax-efficient option.
Risk Management and Insurance
1. Health Insurance
Adequate health insurance is crucial to cover medical expenses without dipping into your savings.

Health Insurance Coverage:
Ensure you have comprehensive health insurance for the family.
Consider adding critical illness cover for extra protection.
2. Life Insurance
Life insurance ensures your family is financially secure in your absence.

Term Insurance:
Ensure both you and your husband have adequate term insurance.
The coverage should be at least 10-15 times your annual income.
Education and Marriage Planning for Daughter
Education Fund:

Start a dedicated investment plan for your daughter’s education.
Consider child-specific mutual funds or equity funds for long-term growth.
Marriage Fund:

Similarly, start saving for her marriage.
SIPs in diversified equity funds can be a good option.
Regular Monitoring and Review
Regularly review your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Annual Review:

Review and rebalance your portfolio at least once a year.
Adjust investments based on market conditions and life changes.
Performance Tracking:

Track the performance of your mutual funds and other investments.
Replace underperforming funds with better options after thorough research.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds
Actively managed funds can provide better returns compared to passive index funds. Here’s why:

Professional Management:

Fund managers actively monitor and adjust the portfolio.
They make strategic decisions based on market conditions.
Higher Returns Potential:

Actively managed funds aim to outperform benchmarks.
They can provide higher returns in the long run.
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but come with certain challenges:

Research and Management:

Investing in direct funds requires thorough research and regular monitoring.
This can be time-consuming and challenging for individuals.
Lack of Professional Guidance:

Without the expertise of a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), you might miss out on strategic investment opportunities.
Advantages of Regular Funds
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offers several benefits:

Expert Advice:

You receive professional advice tailored to your financial goals and risk tolerance.
CFPs provide a comprehensive financial plan, considering all aspects of your financial life.
Convenience:

The MFD handles all the paperwork and administrative tasks, making the investment process hassle-free.
Final Insights
Retiring at 55 with a comfortable lifestyle is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Your current financial position is strong, and with a structured approach, you can reach your retirement goals.

Focus on enhancing your existing investments, diversifying your portfolio, and planning for your daughter’s future needs. Regularly review and adjust your investment strategy to stay on track.

With dedication and prudent planning, you can secure a prosperous retirement and enjoy financial freedom.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Samraat

Samraat Jadhav  |2113 Answers  |Ask -

Stock Market Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

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I have an idendical queation as asked by Mr Raghunath on 11th Jun 2024 and addressed by Mr Ramalingam Kalirajan. I retired in Sep 2022 at age 60 and my EFP has not been withdrawan yet. However my statement does not show interest component after Sep 2023 whereas I should see an interest for upto 3 years post last contribution. Which entity do I complain or send a formal request for the missing interest. What is the way to address this. In my case the PF was managed by company trust and was transfered to Govt EPFO on July 2024 only.
Ans: Your situation involves transitioning your PF from a company trust to the Government EPFO and missing interest for a specific period. Here is a clear approach to resolve the issue:

Understand the Rules for EPF Interest
Post-Retirement Interest: Interest on EPF balances continues to accrue for up to 3 years after the last contribution if no withdrawals are made.
Company Trust to EPFO Transition: Interest should be calculated and transferred accurately when your account is moved from the trust to EPFO.
Entities to Contact
Employer/Company Trust:

Since your PF was managed by the company trust until July 2024, verify if they have calculated and credited interest accurately up to the transfer date.
Obtain a detailed statement from the company trust showing contributions, interest, and the closing balance transferred to EPFO.
Government EPFO Office:

Contact the EPFO regional office where your PF account is maintained after the transfer.
Share all supporting documents, including the statement from your employer and the trust transfer details.
EPFO Grievance Portal:

If no resolution is provided through direct contact, register a complaint on the EPFO Grievance Management System:
https://epfigms.gov.in
Documentation to Prepare
Copy of your EPF Passbook showing contributions and missing interest entries.
Detailed statement from your employer/trust covering interest calculations and transfer details.
A copy of the transfer request and acknowledgment when the account was moved to EPFO.
Proof of your retirement date (e.g., retirement letter).
Steps to File a Complaint
Write to Your Employer/Trust:

Request confirmation of the interest credited up to July 2024.
Obtain written acknowledgment of the transfer details.
Submit a Grievance to EPFO:

Visit the EPFO grievance portal and register a complaint.
Attach all relevant documents for reference.
Follow Up with EPFO:

Visit the regional office in person, if necessary.
Request a written response explaining the missing interest and the corrective action.
Escalation Options
EPFO Helpline: Call the toll-free number 1800-118-005 for immediate guidance.
RTI Application: File a Right to Information (RTI) application if responses are delayed or unclear.
Labour Ministry: As EPF falls under the Ministry of Labour, complaints can also be directed there if EPFO fails to act.
Way Forward
Ensure both the trust and EPFO account for the interest from September 2022 to September 2025.
Regularly monitor updates in your EPFO passbook for corrections.
Keep all communications documented for future reference.
With these steps, your issue can be resolved systematically.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7257 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 13, 2024

Money
Sir I have 1.8 Cr in mutual fund and 65 lacs in equity shares ,Sip of 55 thousand per month,Vpf 10000 per month,30 lacs in fd , 20 lac loan given to relative without interest will come in 2 to 3 years.20 lacs in pf, 1.8 lacs in ppf , one plot of value 3 cr and one plot of value 50 lacs with no rental income. I am doing business also and earning yearly approx 20 lacs and I have salary of 1.2 lacs. I am 40 years old and I have 2 kids one daughter 9 years old and son 4 years old. Let me know considering with no salary and so sip and no business now onward and no expenses also.how much corpus will I will get till age of 50 so I can get approx 3 lacs per months.is it workable with this corpus or I have to do more saving.
Ans: Your financial portfolio reflects thoughtful planning and diversification. Here is a breakdown:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 1.8 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 65 lakhs
SIP: Rs. 55,000 monthly
VPF: Rs. 10,000 monthly
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 30 lakhs
Loan to Relative: Rs. 20 lakhs (to be returned in 2-3 years)
PF: Rs. 20 lakhs
PPF: Rs. 1.8 lakhs
Real Estate: Two plots valued at Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs
Your annual business income of Rs. 20 lakhs and monthly salary of Rs. 1.2 lakhs are also noteworthy. These provide a strong foundation for wealth creation.

You aim to retire at 50 and generate Rs. 3 lakhs per month as income. This requires meticulous planning, particularly if no SIPs or income contributions are made going forward.

Setting Your Financial Goals
Achieving a monthly income of Rs. 3 lakhs from age 50 implies an annual income requirement of Rs. 36 lakhs. To sustain this for a 30-year retirement, your portfolio should provide inflation-adjusted returns consistently.

Key Factors to Consider
Target Corpus: Based on a post-tax return of 6% per annum, you will need Rs. 6-7 crore to achieve this goal.
Inflation: Assume 6% inflation for cost of living adjustments over time.
Current Portfolio Growth: Project your existing assets’ growth over the next 10 years.
Projections of Current Assets
Mutual Funds
Rs. 1.8 crore is a strong equity-oriented asset.
Assuming an annual return of 10%, the corpus could grow to Rs. 4.67 crore in 10 years without additional contributions.
Equity Shares
Rs. 65 lakhs in equities has higher risk but potential for higher returns.
With a conservative annual growth of 8%, this can grow to Rs. 1.4 crore.
Fixed Deposits
Rs. 30 lakhs in FDs provides stability but low growth.
Assuming a 5% return, the corpus will grow to Rs. 49 lakhs.
Loan to Relative
Rs. 20 lakhs returned within 3 years can be reinvested.
Investing this amount in mutual funds with a 10% return for 7 years could yield Rs. 39 lakhs.
VPF, PF, and PPF
Total provident fund investments (Rs. 41.8 lakhs) provide safety and tax-free returns.
With annual contributions and 8% returns, this can grow to Rs. 1.05 crore.
Real Estate
The two plots worth Rs. 3 crore and Rs. 50 lakhs are non-earning.
Selling one and reinvesting in financial assets can improve cash flow.
Strategy for Achieving Your Retirement Goal
Step 1: Optimize Current Investments
Mutual Funds:

Continue SIPs of Rs. 55,000 for at least 3 years.
Ensure a balanced allocation across large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds.
Shift underperforming funds to better-managed schemes.
Avoid index funds, as actively managed funds provide superior returns.
Equity Shares:

Diversify into sectors with long-term growth potential.
Evaluate performance quarterly and consider reallocating underperforming stocks.
VPF and PPF:

Increase PPF contributions to the maximum limit for tax-free compounding.
VPF is a stable instrument; continue contributions.
Fixed Deposits:

Gradually reduce FD holdings.
Reallocate funds to debt mutual funds for better post-tax returns.
Step 2: Plan for Real Estate Monetization
Real estate is a significant portion of your wealth but non-earning.
Selling the Rs. 50 lakh plot and reinvesting the proceeds into mutual funds or debt instruments can boost growth and liquidity.
Step 3: Build Contingency and Liquidity
Maintain Rs. 20 lakhs in liquid funds or FDs for emergencies.
This ensures you can handle unforeseen expenses without disrupting long-term investments.
Tax Efficiency Strategies
Equity and Mutual Funds:

Utilize tax-free thresholds for long-term capital gains.
Plan redemptions to minimize tax outflows.
Debt Investments:

Debt mutual funds are more tax-efficient than FDs. Shift gradually to reduce tax liabilities.
Addressing Key Risks
Inflation Risk
Allocate a significant portion of your portfolio to equity for inflation-adjusted growth.
Longevity Risk
Ensure your corpus lasts for 30+ years. Plan withdrawals conservatively.
Market Volatility
Diversify across asset classes to reduce risks.
Maintain a mix of equity, debt, and safe instruments like PPF.
Final Projections
By age 50, with no additional contributions:

Mutual Funds: Rs. 4.67 crore
Equity Shares: Rs. 1.4 crore
Fixed Deposits: Rs. 49 lakhs
Loan Returns: Rs. 39 lakhs
Provident Funds: Rs. 1.05 crore
Total Corpus: Rs. 7.6 crore (approximately)

Is This Corpus Sufficient?
Yes, this corpus can sustain a monthly withdrawal of Rs. 3 lakhs. However, it assumes disciplined withdrawals and minimal unexpected expenses.

Recommendations to Strengthen the Plan
Continue SIPs and contributions for at least 3 more years.
Monetize one real estate asset to improve liquidity and growth.
Rebalance your portfolio annually to align with market conditions and goals.
Final Insights
You are on track to achieve your retirement goals with your current assets. Regular reviews, disciplined investing, and strategic adjustments will ensure long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 12, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
I'm came into a relationship after 2-3 months of having a breakup. It's been 1.5-2 years we are in a relationship I'm his first love. So he's very serious about me. But now as my ex called me a few time all these years & I didn't blocked him until last time my bf thinks I used him to overcome my past relationship & I never loved him. He's soo much hurt from me & he has given me one last chance to move on & not to hurt him again otherwise I'll lose him forever.. other than my relationship I have also hurted him way too much I didn't understood his needs of affection & love he never asks me for anything nothing at all for sharing emotions or anything... He's himself struggling with a lot of things in his life... & I have made many mistakes I have hurted him soo much... I'm in a lot of guilt now... That bcoz of me he's hurt & now I can't do anything I just want him to be alright but idk how... I have this last chance to keep my relationship alive, I just want him to be okay... It's hurting me remembering my past & it's hurting me more that I have hurted someone who truly unconditionally loved me...????????
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
I am truly sorry to see you so conflicted. I am not completely certain what went down between you two but in general, a good and honest conversation can help in such situations. Since you mentioned hurting him by not understanding his needs, I recommend you to focus more on communication. Ask him about his love language- what would make him happy, what he expects from you, what you could expect from him, and more. This way, there will be clarity. I am sure you did nothing to hurt him intentionally. Please be strong; this is just a fleeting issue.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Ravi

Ravi Mittal  |461 Answers  |Ask -

Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 11, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Myself and a guy came to know each other through an online friendly chat app.It's been 7 months we are talking on calls and video calls.From the beginning he was interested to marry me n i saw him as a good friend.Later my feelings turned into love towards him.But,he has a past which he told me in the beginning and said that his ex girlfriend of 1 year whom he know through online has married another guy n left him.I thought he has no feelings towards his ex gf.But,after i developed feelings for him n having clearly told that i love him..he gets his ex gf topic saying they used to talk hours n hours n now he is not able to be with me the same way.He even says she loved him a lot n is unable to forget her love.He says she used to call him always n talk and i am talking only when he calls..he is comparing my love with her.I feeling bad..When i asked before he told he has no feelings on his ex gf but now seems different.He even told me that she is trying to get divorced from her husband n has called him once too.I told about my love to my parents too n they agreed for our marriage.Now i am feeling bad..what should i do?..cut off all ties with him or go a head.Please suggest.I am 24 and he is 25 yrs old
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
First of all, have you met this person in real life? A lot of true love stories start online, but it is very important to meet face-to-face before making any commitments. Secondly, not being able to forget his ex can either be the truth or a ploy to end this relationship with you. Either way, it seems like a zone of conflict and I would like to remind you that you deserve better. I know you love him but don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and only you? Would you really like to be with someone who treats you like an option and draws comparisons with the ex? I suggest you rethink the relationship.

Best Wishes.

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |107 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Sep 05, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Dear Dr Ashish, How do I get my 14 year old teenage son to talk to me? He talks less, is either angry or grumpy and rarely discusses anything at home with anyone. Is this behaviour normal? He used to be a talkative child when he was younger. How can I help?
Ans: Let me reassure you that you’re not alone in facing this challenge, and what you describe is quite common in teenagers. The teenage years are a time of immense internal transformation. It's as if your son is building a new version of himself, one brick at a time, and sometimes, in that process, he may feel the need to pull away to figure things out.

You see, as children grow, their world expands. Their focus shifts from being family-centered to exploring who they are in the larger world. This doesn't mean he cares any less about you; it simply means he’s working on something deep within himself—maybe even trying to understand emotions and situations he doesn’t yet have the words for.

Now, instead of trying to make him talk, which might feel like pressure to him, consider this: how can you create an environment where he wants to open up? Imagine if, instead of asking direct questions or expressing concern, you shared a small, non-threatening piece of your world. Maybe a funny story about your day or a memory of when you were his age. Sometimes, starting with something light gives him permission to engage without feeling interrogated.

Another way to open doors is through shared experiences. Teenagers often speak more freely when they're not face-to-face. Maybe a walk or a ride, cooking a meal together, or even playing a video game could become moments where he feels comfortable talking.

And when he does speak, no matter how small the opening, meet him with curiosity, not judgment. If he shares something, reflect it back to him in a way that says, "I hear you, and I value what you're saying." For example, if he mentions feeling frustrated, you could say, "It sounds like something’s been tough for you lately," rather than jumping to advice.

Finally, remind yourself—and him—this is a phase, not a permanent state. He is still that talkative child deep inside, but right now, he's learning to balance his need for independence with the safety of your love. Your steady presence, even when he seems distant, will be his anchor.

You’re already asking the right question, and that shows how much you care. Trust the process, and trust your connection. It’s still there, even in the quiet moments.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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