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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Jun 18, 2024Hindi
Money

Sir Namaskara I am 40 years old and have one daughter aged 8 years. my salary is 90k wife is homemaker. I have home loan of 29k and I can invest 15k monthly in sip ,mutual fund, Term plan My goal is to build corpus for our retirement and higher education of our daughter / marriage. Can I invest in SBI SIP or mutual fund, if so pls suggest which SIP or mutual fund I can invest in and for how many years and I don't have any insurance policies except for the ones provided by company for which every month 350 amount is deducted from our salary. Does taking term insurance is good and how many years do I take the insurance for. I am unable to decide whether to go with HDFC or maxlife...please suggest Thank you for your time and suggestions in advance ????

Ans: I understand your situation and I'm here to help. Your goals for retirement, your daughter's higher education, and marriage are very important. Let's go through this step by step.

Understanding Your Financial Situation
You're 40 years old with a salary of Rs 90,000 per month. Your wife is a homemaker, and you have an 8-year-old daughter. Your home loan EMI is Rs 29,000, leaving you with Rs 61,000 for other expenses and investments. You can invest Rs 15,000 monthly in SIPs and mutual funds. You also mentioned you lack insurance policies except the one provided by your company.

Goal Setting and Prioritizing
Your main financial goals are:

Retirement Planning: You need a substantial corpus to ensure a comfortable retirement.

Higher Education for Your Daughter: Education costs are rising, so early planning is crucial.

Marriage Expenses for Your Daughter: Saving for this ensures you're prepared for future expenses.

Investment Strategy: Mutual Funds and SIPs
Investing Rs 15,000 monthly in SIPs and mutual funds is a good strategy. Let's look at how you can distribute this amount.

Diversification for Balanced Growth
Diversifying your investments can manage risk and provide better returns. Here's a suggested breakdown:

Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate 60% (Rs 9,000) to equity mutual funds. These funds offer higher returns over the long term, ideal for retirement and long-term goals.

Debt Mutual Funds: Allocate 30% (Rs 4,500) to debt mutual funds. These funds provide stability and lower risk, balancing your portfolio.

Hybrid Mutual Funds: Allocate 10% (Rs 1,500) to hybrid funds. They combine equity and debt, providing moderate growth with controlled risk.

Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
Index funds track the market, which can be volatile. For better returns, consider actively managed funds. These are managed by professionals who aim to outperform the market. Though they have higher fees, the potential for better returns is worth it.

Benefits of Regular Funds Through an MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) who is also a CFP can be advantageous. They provide personalized advice and help choose the right mix of funds. Regular funds, managed by professionals, adapt to market conditions and potentially offer better returns than direct funds.

Term Insurance: A Necessary Safety Net
Term insurance is essential for financial security. It ensures your family's future is protected in case of unforeseen circumstances. Here's why you need term insurance:

Financial Protection: It provides a financial safety net for your family.

Low Cost: Term insurance is affordable, especially when compared to other insurance types.

Sufficient Coverage: Choose a coverage amount that can replace your income and pay off liabilities.

Duration of Term Insurance
Take a term insurance policy that covers you till your retirement age, ideally up to 60-65 years. This ensures your family is protected during your working years.

Evaluating Insurance Providers
Both HDFC and Max Life offer good term insurance plans. Here’s what to consider:

Claim Settlement Ratio: A higher ratio indicates a better track record of settling claims.

Premium Costs: Compare the premium costs and choose one that fits your budget.

Rider Benefits: Look for additional benefits like critical illness cover, accidental death cover, etc.

Building a Retirement Corpus
Retirement planning is crucial. Start early and invest consistently. Here’s a strategy:

Long-term Equity Investments: Continue with equity mutual funds for long-term growth. They provide higher returns over time.

Regular Review and Rebalancing: Monitor your portfolio and adjust it based on your age and risk appetite.

Emergency Fund: Keep an emergency fund equal to 6-12 months of expenses. This covers unforeseen events and prevents dipping into your investments.

Higher Education and Marriage Corpus for Your Daughter
Education and marriage costs can be substantial. Here's how to plan for them:

Start Early: The earlier you start, the better. Compounding works in your favor.

Goal-based Investments: Allocate specific investments for education and marriage. Consider equity and hybrid funds for long-term growth.

Review Periodically: Review your investments regularly to ensure they align with your goals.

Advantages of Professional Management
A CFP can provide valuable insights and personalized advice. Here’s why professional management helps:

Expertise: They understand market dynamics and help choose the right funds.

Tailored Advice: They provide advice based on your specific goals and risk appetite.

Ongoing Support: Regular reviews and adjustments ensure your investments stay on track.

Importance of Regular Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly monitoring your investments ensures they stay aligned with your goals. Market conditions change, and so should your portfolio. Rebalancing helps maintain the desired asset allocation and manage risk.

Tax Considerations
Mutual fund investments come with tax implications. Understanding these can help optimize your returns:

Equity Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) are tax-free up to Rs 1 lakh per year. Beyond this, it's taxed at 10%.

Debt Funds: Long-term gains are taxed at 20% with indexation benefits. Short-term gains are taxed as per your income slab.


Your proactive approach to financial planning is commendable. Taking steps now to secure your future shows foresight and responsibility.


I understand the importance of your goals. Education and marriage for your daughter, along with a comfortable retirement, are crucial milestones. Your dedication to planning is truly admirable.

Final Insights
Investing Rs 15,000 monthly in SIPs and mutual funds, coupled with term insurance, is a sound strategy. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds for balanced growth and stability. Actively managed funds offer better potential returns, making them a preferable choice over index funds. Professional guidance from a CFP ensures your investments are well-managed and aligned with your goals.

Take a term insurance policy to protect your family's future. Choose a policy with sufficient coverage, ideally till your retirement age. Regularly monitor and rebalance your portfolio to stay on track. Your commitment to financial planning is praiseworthy, and with the right strategy, you can achieve your goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 25, 2024

Money
Sir I am 37 year old ... having salary of 1.2 lacs per months and want to save money for child higher education and daughter martiage. Have 48 lakhs in fd's and PF account is having 18 laksh and will receive 20 lakhs in 2027 from LIC Please suggest how to invest in SIP currently having 50000 lumsump in Sbi energy opportunities fund, lumsump 50000 in SBI AUTO Hdfc noncyclic consumer fund Sip of 3000 Edelweiss small cap fund sip of 4000 Kotak emerging equity fund sip of. 3000 NJFlexi cap 1500, Hdfc multicap fund SIP of 1500 (50000 lumsum) Icici prudential value discovery fund sip of 1000 Total SIP per month 14500 and will increase to 30000 Please review my mutual fund portfolio as i dont have any knowledge and suggest if i have chossen correct category with mutual fund name or need to switch Waiting for your suggestion and thanks in advance
Ans: First, I want to commend you for taking proactive steps towards securing your family’s future. Planning for your children’s education and your daughter's marriage is crucial. Your current salary and savings indicate that you are on a strong financial path.

You’ve done well to accumulate Rs. 48 lakhs in Fixed Deposits and Provident Funds, and you have Rs. 18 lakhs in your PF account. Additionally, you’ll receive Rs. 20 lakhs from your LIC policy in 2027. These are significant assets that provide a solid foundation for your financial planning.

Your monthly income of Rs. 1.2 lakhs and your commitment to SIPs (Systematic Investment Plans) show that you are already disciplined with your investments. Let's review your portfolio and explore how you can enhance it to meet your goals effectively.

Reviewing Your Current Mutual Fund Portfolio
Lump Sum Investments:

Rs. 50,000 in SBI Energy Opportunities Fund
Rs. 50,000 in SBI Auto Fund
Rs. 50,000 in HDFC Non-Cyclic Consumer Fund
Monthly SIPs:

Rs. 3,000 in Edelweiss Small Cap Fund
Rs. 4,000 in Kotak Emerging Equity Fund
Rs. 1,500 in NJ Flexi Cap Fund
Rs. 1,500 in HDFC Multi-Cap Fund (Plus Rs. 50,000 lump sum)
Rs. 1,000 in ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund
Total SIP per month: Rs. 14,500, with plans to increase to Rs. 30,000.

You have chosen a mix of funds across different sectors and market caps. This diversification is a good start, but let’s refine your strategy.

Diversification and Fund Selection
Your portfolio covers various market segments, which is excellent. Diversification reduces risk and provides stability. However, there are a few areas to consider:

Sector Funds:

Sector funds like Energy and Auto can be volatile. While they offer high growth potential, they are also riskier. It's important to balance them with more stable, diversified funds.
Cap Exposure:

You have exposure to small-cap (Edelweiss Small Cap Fund) and mid-cap (Kotak Emerging Equity Fund) funds. These can offer high returns but are riskier compared to large-cap or multi-cap funds. Ensure you are comfortable with this risk level.
Flexi Cap and Multi-Cap Funds:

Funds like NJ Flexi Cap and HDFC Multi-Cap provide flexibility and exposure across various market caps. These funds can adjust their portfolio based on market conditions, offering a balanced approach.
Value Funds:

ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund focuses on undervalued stocks, which can be a good long-term strategy but might not perform consistently in the short term.
Optimizing Your Investment Strategy
Given your goals, it's essential to align your investments with your risk tolerance and time horizon. Here’s a refined approach:

Reduce Sector Concentration:

Consider reallocating some funds from sector-specific investments (like Energy and Auto) to more diversified funds. Sector funds can be part of your portfolio, but they should not dominate it.
Increase Large-Cap Exposure:

Large-cap funds offer stability and consistent returns. Increasing your allocation in large-cap or blue-chip funds can provide a solid foundation, especially considering your goals of funding education and marriage.
Balanced Fund Allocation:

Maintain a balanced approach with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. This strategy provides growth potential while managing risk. Multi-cap and flexi-cap funds are good choices for maintaining balance.
Review and Rebalance Regularly:

Markets fluctuate, and your financial situation might change. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your goals. A quarterly or annual review is advisable.
Increasing Your SIP Contributions
You plan to increase your SIP contributions from Rs. 14,500 to Rs. 30,000. This is a positive step towards achieving your financial goals. Here's how to approach it:

Gradual Increase:

Gradually increase your SIP amounts in existing funds or consider adding new funds that align with your investment strategy. This helps in averaging out the cost and managing cash flow effectively.
Prioritize Long-Term Goals:

Allocate more to funds with a long-term horizon, such as those targeting your children’s education. Equity funds with a long-term focus are ideal for this purpose due to their potential for higher returns.
Emergency Fund and Short-Term Goals:

Ensure you have an emergency fund to cover at least 6 months of expenses. For short-term goals like your daughter's marriage, consider more stable, debt-oriented funds or balanced funds that offer lower risk and steady returns.
Role of Fixed Deposits and LIC Policies
Fixed Deposits:

Your Rs. 48 lakhs in FDs provide a safety net and assured returns. While FDs are secure, their returns might not outpace inflation in the long run. Consider gradually reallocating a portion to mutual funds for better growth.
LIC Policy:

The Rs. 20 lakhs you will receive in 2027 from your LIC policy can be reinvested in mutual funds. This amount can significantly boost your investment corpus for your goals.
Benefits of Actively Managed Funds over Index Funds
Actively managed funds have professional managers who select stocks based on research and analysis. These funds aim to outperform the market. While index funds track the market passively, actively managed funds can provide higher returns through strategic stock selection.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

They mirror the market and cannot outperform it.
In volatile markets, they can fall just as much as the index.
Lack of active management means no attempt to capitalize on market opportunities.
Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Potential to outperform the market through strategic investments.
Flexibility to shift assets in response to market changes.
Professional fund managers use their expertise to mitigate risks and enhance returns.
Regular Funds vs. Direct Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios as they do not include distributor commissions. However, investing through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) using regular funds can provide several advantages:

Disadvantages of Direct Funds:

You need to have good knowledge and time to manage your investments.
Lack of professional guidance can lead to suboptimal investment choices.
No support for portfolio review and rebalancing.
Advantages of Regular Funds:

Professional advice from CFPs ensures that your investments align with your goals.
CFPs provide ongoing support and help in rebalancing your portfolio.
They can offer insights on market trends and fund performance, helping you make informed decisions.
Final Insights
You have laid a strong financial foundation with your current investments and savings. With some refinements, you can enhance your portfolio to better align with your goals.

Diversify Wisely:

Maintain a balanced approach with a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Reduce sector-specific exposure and add more diversified funds.
Regular Reviews:

Conduct regular reviews of your portfolio and adjust based on your changing financial situation and market conditions.
Professional Guidance:

Consider the benefits of regular funds and actively managed funds for professional guidance and potentially higher returns.
Goal-Based Allocation:

Allocate funds based on your specific goals, such as children's education and your daughter's marriage. Long-term goals can be aligned with equity funds, while short-term goals can be supported by stable, debt-oriented funds.
Emergency and Stability:

Maintain an emergency fund and gradually shift some FDs to mutual funds for better long-term growth.
With these strategies, you can build a robust investment portfolio that will help you achieve your financial goals. If you need further guidance, don't hesitate to consult a Certified Financial Planner to tailor a plan that fits your unique situation.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 06, 2024

Money
Sir I am 37 year old ... having salary of 1.2 lacs per months and want to save money for child higher education and daughter martiage. Have 48 lakhs in fd's and PF account is having 18 laksh and will receive 20 lakhs in 2027 from LIC Please suggest how to invest in SIP currently having 50000 lumsump in Sbi energy opportunities fund, lumsump 50000 in SBI AUTO Hdfc noncyclic consumer fund Sip of 3000 Edelweiss small cap fund sip of 4000 Kotak emerging equity fund sip of. 3000 NJFlexi cap 1500, Hdfc multicap fund SIP of 1500 (50000 lumsum) Icici prudential value discovery fund sip of 1000 Total SIP per month 14500 and will increase to 30000 Please review my mutual fund portfolio as i dont have any knowledge and suggest if i have chossen correct category with mutual fund name or need to switch Waiting for your suggestion and thanks in advance Please suggest me fund for SIP as i dont have much knowledge and want to invest 30000 per month.. please help me
Ans: You have taken commendable steps towards securing your financial future. It’s inspiring to see your commitment to investing for your child's higher education and your daughter's marriage. Financial planning is crucial, and your efforts to build a diversified portfolio are noteworthy.

Current Financial Situation
You are 37 years old, earning Rs. 1.2 lakh per month. You have Rs. 48 lakhs in fixed deposits (FDs) and Rs. 18 lakhs in your Provident Fund (PF) account. Additionally, you will receive Rs. 20 lakhs from LIC in 2027.

Your current investments include:

Rs. 50,000 lump sum in SBI Energy Opportunities Fund
Rs. 50,000 lump sum in SBI Auto Fund
SIPs totaling Rs. 14,500 per month in various funds:
Edelweiss Small Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000
Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: Rs. 4,000
NJ Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 1,500
HDFC Multicap Fund: Rs. 1,500 (plus Rs. 50,000 lump sum)
ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Rs. 1,000
You plan to increase your SIP to Rs. 30,000 per month.

Portfolio Analysis
Your current portfolio is diverse, covering small cap, mid cap, and multi-cap funds. However, it's essential to assess if the allocation aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Financial Goals and Investment Horizon
Child's Higher Education: Assuming your child is currently around 10 years old, you have roughly 8-10 years until higher education expenses begin.
Daughter's Marriage: Assuming your daughter is currently around 5 years old, you have roughly 15-20 years until her marriage expenses.
These timelines give you a medium to long-term investment horizon, allowing for a balanced approach between growth and stability.

Calculating Required Corpus
Child's Higher Education
Assume the cost of higher education today is Rs. 20 lakhs. With an average inflation rate of 6%, the cost after 10 years would be:

Future Cost = Current Cost × (1 + Inflation Rate)^Number of Years
Future Cost = 20,00,000 × (1 + 0.06)^10
Future Cost ≈ 35,80,000

Daughter's Marriage
Assume the cost of marriage today is Rs. 15 lakhs. With an average inflation rate of 6%, the cost after 20 years would be:

Future Cost = Current Cost × (1 + Inflation Rate)^Number of Years
Future Cost = 15,00,000 × (1 + 0.06)^20
Future Cost ≈ 48,10,000

SIP Required for Future Goals
To accumulate Rs. 35.8 lakhs in 10 years and Rs. 48.1 lakhs in 20 years, let’s calculate the SIP amounts needed. Assuming an average annual return of 12%, the monthly SIP required can be calculated using the future value of an SIP formula:

Future Value (FV) = P × [ (1 + r)^n - 1 ] / r × (1 + r)

Where:

P is the monthly investment (SIP amount)
r is the monthly rate of return (annual return / 12)
n is the total number of investments (months)
For a 12% annual return:
r = 12/100 / 12 = 0.01

For Higher Education (10 years):
n = 10 × 12 = 120

35,80,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^120 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
35,80,000 = P × 232.97 × 1.01
35,80,000 = P × 235.30
P ≈ 15,200

For Marriage (20 years):
n = 20 × 12 = 240

48,10,000 = P × [ (1 + 0.01)^240 - 1 ] / 0.01 × (1 + 0.01)
48,10,000 = P × 967.15 × 1.01
48,10,000 = P × 976.82
P ≈ 4,920

Recommended Monthly SIP
To meet both goals, you need to invest approximately Rs. 20,120 per month (Rs. 15,200 for education + Rs. 4,920 for marriage). This is well within your planned SIP increase to Rs. 30,000.

Reviewing and Adjusting Your Portfolio
Given your existing investments, it is essential to ensure they align with your goals and risk profile. Here’s a detailed review:

Existing SIPs
Edelweiss Small Cap Fund: Small-cap funds can provide high growth but come with high volatility. Limit to a smaller portion of your portfolio.
Kotak Emerging Equity Fund: Mid-cap fund, good for growth but also volatile.
NJ Flexi Cap Fund: Diversified across market caps, providing stability and growth.
HDFC Multicap Fund: Balanced approach with exposure to large, mid, and small caps.
ICICI Prudential Value Discovery Fund: Focus on undervalued stocks, adding stability to the portfolio.
Recommended Changes
Reduce Exposure to High-Risk Funds: Limit small-cap funds to 10-15% of your total portfolio to manage risk.
Increase Diversification: Add large-cap funds for stability. Large-cap funds tend to be less volatile and provide steady returns.
Focus on Goal-Based Allocation: Allocate investments specifically for education and marriage goals.
Suggested Allocation for Rs. 30,000 SIP
Large Cap Fund: Rs. 7,500
Multi Cap Fund: Rs. 7,500
Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 5,000
Small Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000
Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 4,000
Value Fund: Rs. 3,000
Actively Managed Funds vs. Index Funds
While index funds replicate market indices, actively managed funds can outperform due to the expertise of fund managers. Actively managed funds are adaptable and can capitalize on market opportunities, offering potentially higher returns.

Direct vs. Regular Funds
Direct funds have lower expense ratios but require active management and market knowledge. Regular funds, managed through a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD), provide professional guidance and can be beneficial for informed decision-making.

Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to stay aligned with your goals. Market conditions and personal circumstances change, so periodic reviews ensure your investments remain optimal.

Conclusion
To achieve your financial goals, increase your monthly SIP to Rs. 30,000 with a well-diversified portfolio. Focus on goal-based investments and consider professional guidance for effective fund management.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 16, 2024

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Dear Sir, I am 40 years old, happily married, have 2 daughters 7 years and 3 years old. My financials are 1. Real Estate 1.50 cr. Land and 2 houses (house value: 85 lakhs: Monthly rental yield 30,000) 2. ULIP 18,000 monthly for 5 years. (19 months completed. Corpus: 4 lakhs) C. Mutual funds 50,000 (just started). I can invest monthly 1.50 lakhs now. Please advice the best categories of Mutual Funds to invest as SIP. Also, thinking to sell the house of 85 lakhs value and put in SWP. Please advice.
Ans: You are 40 years old, happily married with two daughters aged 7 and 3. You have real estate worth Rs. 1.50 crores, including two houses (one valued at Rs. 85 lakhs with a monthly rental yield of Rs. 30,000). You have a ULIP with a monthly contribution of Rs. 18,000 for 5 years, with 19 months completed and a corpus of Rs. 4 lakhs. You have just started investing Rs. 50,000 in mutual funds. You can invest Rs. 1.50 lakhs monthly now.

Investment in Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Equity mutual funds are essential for long-term growth. They provide high returns over time. You can invest in large-cap, mid-cap, and small-cap funds. Large-cap funds are less risky. Mid-cap and small-cap funds offer higher returns but come with higher risks.

Debt Mutual Funds
Debt mutual funds provide stability to your portfolio. They invest in bonds and government securities. They are less volatile and offer regular returns. You can consider short-term and long-term debt funds based on your investment horizon.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Hybrid funds invest in both equity and debt. They balance risk and return. They are suitable for moderate risk takers. They provide stability with some growth potential.

Tax-saving Mutual Funds
ELSS funds provide tax benefits under Section 80C. They have a lock-in period of 3 years. They offer good returns and help in tax planning. You can allocate a portion of your investments to these funds.

Selling the House and SWP
Selling the house worth Rs. 85 lakhs can provide a lump sum. You can invest this in a Systematic Withdrawal Plan (SWP). SWP offers regular income from mutual funds. It provides flexibility and better returns compared to rental income. Ensure to consult with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) to align this with your financial goals.

Investment Strategy
Increase your SIP contributions to Rs. 1.50 lakhs monthly. Diversify your investments across equity, debt, and hybrid funds. Review your portfolio regularly to ensure it aligns with your goals.

Professional Guidance
Seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner (CFP). They can provide a tailored financial plan. Professional guidance helps achieve your financial goals efficiently.

Final Insights
Focus on long-term growth with equity funds. Maintain stability with debt funds. Balance risk and return with hybrid funds. Consider tax-saving ELSS funds. Review your portfolio regularly.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
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Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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Kanchan

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
My partner and I are from different cultural backgrounds. She has always felt a strong spiritual connection to events like the Kumbh Mela. Earlier this year, while booking the tickets she had asked if I would like to join her as she is travelling solo. While I respect her beliefs, I refused to join because I am not a religious person. Now that she has booked her tickets, I am worried about her safety. Should I tell her to cancel her trip? I don't want her to think that I am disrespecting her choices or religion. Or should I just tag along and make her feel safe? How do I address these concerns and have a healthy conversation?
Ans: Start by having an honest conversation with her. Share your feelings about her safety in a caring and non-confrontational way. Let her know that your concern comes from a place of love and care, not from a lack of respect for her spiritual journey. It’s important to express that you understand her desire to attend the Kumbh Mela and that you support her connection to this event.

If you’re considering joining her, it could be a gesture of solidarity and support, even if you’re not personally invested in the spiritual aspect. However, it’s crucial to approach this as a way to share the experience together and ensure her safety, rather than as an obligation or with reluctance. If you decide to join her, communicate that you’re doing so because you want to be there for her, which could strengthen your relationship.

On the other hand, if you feel strongly about not attending due to personal beliefs, you can suggest other ways to support her. This might include discussing safety plans or staying in close communication while she’s there. This approach shows that you trust her decisions while still being there for her in a supportive way.

Ultimately, the conversation should aim to understand each other’s perspectives and find a solution that makes both of you feel comfortable and respected. Balancing your care for her safety with respect for her independence and beliefs is key to maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 09, 2025Hindi
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Relationship
I am 42 Female currently, last marriage didn't go well, afraid of new start, I neither type of person who can go to club etc etc to "find someone" - What's the best way to move forward, Do we have genuine way of finding someone who can become reliable partner too (No tinder etc as again I knw myself now at this age, I can't) - Please guide
Ans: One of the best ways to meet someone compatible is through shared interests and environments where you feel at ease. Consider engaging in activities or communities that resonate with you. This could include joining local interest groups, volunteering, or taking classes in areas you’re passionate about. These settings not only provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals but also allow connections to develop organically over shared experiences and values.

Another valuable approach is to lean on your existing network. Friends, family, and colleagues often know you well and can introduce you to others who might be a good match. These introductions can be more comfortable and trustworthy since they come from people who understand your personality and values.

It’s also important to give yourself time and space to heal and grow from past experiences. Building a reliable and meaningful relationship starts with being in a place where you feel confident and whole on your own. This self-awareness and emotional readiness will naturally attract the right kind of partner who values and respects you for who you are.

Remember, there’s no rush or specific timeline you need to adhere to. Allow relationships to develop at a pace that feels right for you, and focus on building connections that are based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Trust that the right person will come into your life when the time is right, and until then, prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Relationship
My age is 48 years and i have one son aged 17 years and i am single son of my parents ,one and half year back my wife expired and upon insisted by my parents and close relatives i got remarried and she has one girl aged 8 years, after passing of six months she has started showing her true colors and it has become very difficult for me to continue and i want to get rid of this . Please guide me what should i do now.
Ans: Dear Dinesh,
it’s important to reflect on what is making the relationship difficult. Understanding the specific issues—whether they stem from differences in values, communication problems, or other conflicts—can provide clarity on how to move forward.

If you haven't already, consider having an open and honest conversation with your wife about your concerns. Sometimes, addressing issues directly can lead to resolutions or at least a better understanding of each other's perspectives. Counseling, either individually or as a couple, can also be a valuable tool in navigating these challenges and deciding the best course of action.

However, if you’ve already tried addressing these issues and find that the relationship is still untenable, it may be time to consider ending the marriage. It’s important to prioritize your emotional and mental well-being, as well as that of your son and stepdaughter. Divorce is never an easy decision, especially when children are involved, but staying in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship can have long-term negative impacts on everyone.

As you contemplate your next steps, it’s also important to lean on your support system. Friends, family, or a counselor can provide guidance and help you navigate this difficult period. Remember, prioritizing your well-being is not only crucial for you but also for your children, as they look to you for stability and emotional guidance. Making decisions that lead to a healthier and happier environment for everyone involved is ultimately the most important goal.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |493 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 08, 2024
Relationship
Hello mam.I know a girl since college days.She is married to a guy since last 15 years.Since last 3 years we had an affair.I did take her for granted after our 2 nd half 3 years of relationship.Since a year now she has been giving me some or the other reason such as she is not getting feeling for me,husband is taking much care now so cant handle our relationship,then she told she has some health issue and now recently she tells me she has been telling me indirectly since a year to move on as she was in a relationship with some guy whom she got attracted in a mutual connection.But now she has discontinued with him as well. We do chat on message and call sometime but now since a year she herself has stopped calling or messaging.She replies only when i message or call. I want her back in my life and improve my relationship with her.Please guide me to get her back and have a relationship with her as we had till last year.What steps should I take to win her heart back and make her mine?
Ans: The first step is to acknowledge and respect her current feelings and boundaries. It’s clear she’s navigating her own emotional journey and trying to find clarity in her life. Pressuring her or trying to win her back without considering her current stance may push her further away.

Instead, focus on open and honest communication. If you genuinely care for her, it’s important to express your feelings without being demanding. Share how you feel, but also be willing to listen to her perspective fully. Understand that love and relationships are mutual, and both parties need to feel connected and invested.

During this time, it’s also essential to reflect on your own needs and emotional well-being. Ask yourself if this relationship, as it currently stands, is fulfilling and healthy for you. Relationships can be complicated, and sometimes stepping back to allow both people space to understand their feelings can lead to a clearer path forward, whether that’s together or apart.

Ultimately, your focus should be on building healthy, honest connections and prioritizing emotional well-being for both yourself and the people involved. If there’s a possibility of rekindling the relationship, it will come from mutual understanding, respect, and willingness from both sides.

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