Home > Money > Question
Need Expert Advice?Our Gurus Can Help
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 21, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Oct 21, 2024Hindi
Money

Im am 54 years old a Dr...how much do i invest in a SIP every month to make a corpus od 2Cr in a 5year period

Ans: At 54, accumulating a Rs 2 crore corpus in just 5 years requires a disciplined and aggressive approach. As a doctor, you likely have a steady income, but achieving such a large target in a short period calls for a careful balance between growth and risk.

Assessing the Investment Strategy
Given that your time horizon is just 5 years, you will need to aim for relatively high returns, but without taking excessive risks. The focus should be on actively managed equity mutual funds for growth, while keeping a portion in debt for stability.

Expected Returns: Over a 5-year period, a balanced portfolio can potentially generate around 8-10% annual returns. However, as time is limited, you must invest aggressively in equities while maintaining some risk control.

Equity Focus: Since equity tends to outperform over time, you should have a larger portion of your investments in actively managed equity mutual funds. This allows for higher potential returns.

Debt Allocation: To protect your investments from market volatility, allocate a smaller percentage to debt funds. This provides stability and reduces risk as you approach your goal.

Monthly SIP Amount Required
To accumulate Rs 2 crore in 5 years, you will need to invest a significant amount monthly. Here’s a breakdown:

Target Monthly SIP: For an investment horizon of 5 years with an expected return of 8-10%, you need to invest approximately Rs 2.8 lakh – Rs 3 lakh per month via a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP).

Power of Compounding: The earlier you start, the more you benefit from compounding. Even in a shorter time horizon like 5 years, consistent investing helps your money grow faster.

Step-Up SIP Option: If starting with Rs 2.8 lakh per month is challenging, you can use a step-up SIP, where you increase your monthly investment by 10-15% each year. This ensures you can manage cash flow while still building towards your goal.

Consider Lump Sum and SIP Combination
If you have some surplus savings, you could also consider a lump sum investment combined with monthly SIPs.

Lump Sum Strategy: A one-time lump sum investment of approximately Rs 1.2 crore – Rs 1.3 crore combined with a smaller monthly SIP could help you reach your Rs 2 crore goal faster.

Hybrid Approach: This strategy allows you to start with a strong base through the lump sum, while SIPs help you build steadily. It also mitigates the risk of market volatility by spreading investments over time.

Risk Management and Asset Allocation
Since you are investing for 5 years, it’s important to maintain a balanced asset allocation. While equities will be the primary driver of growth, don’t overlook risk management.

Equity-Debt Mix: A 70-30 or 80-20 equity-to-debt ratio is suitable. This means investing 70-80% in equity mutual funds and the remaining in debt for safety.

Portfolio Diversification: Ensure your equity investments are spread across large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds. This diversifies your risk and increases the chances of higher returns.

Review Regularly: Given the short investment period, you should review your portfolio annually and rebalance if needed. If your equity portfolio grows significantly, you might want to gradually shift some profits to debt to secure your gains.

Securing Your Family’s Financial Future
While you are building a corpus, it’s crucial to also think about securing your family’s financial future in case of unforeseen circumstances.

Term Insurance: Ensure you have adequate term insurance coverage. At your age, a cover of 10-12 times your annual income is recommended. This ensures that your family’s lifestyle is protected if something happens to you.

Health Insurance: As a doctor, you understand the importance of comprehensive health insurance. A good health plan ensures that medical expenses don’t drain your corpus.

Emergency Fund: Keep an emergency fund equivalent to 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund or fixed deposit. This ensures liquidity in case of unexpected events and prevents you from dipping into your investments.

Tax Efficiency of Mutual Fund Investments
To maximize your returns, you need to focus on the tax implications of your investments.

Equity Mutual Funds: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) from equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% for gains above Rs 1.25 lakh. Short-term capital gains (STCG) are taxed at 20%. Holding your equity investments for the full 5 years will minimize your tax burden.

Debt Mutual Funds: Both long-term and short-term capital gains from debt mutual funds are taxed according to your income tax slab. Make sure to account for this when withdrawing your debt investments.

Avoid Low-Yield Products
When your goal is to accumulate Rs 2 crore in a short time frame, it’s important to avoid products that offer low returns.

Avoid ULIPs or Endowment Plans: These types of products typically offer low returns compared to mutual funds, and they also come with high costs and long lock-in periods. Focus on mutual funds for better returns and flexibility.

Stay Away from Annuities: Annuities are not ideal for wealth creation due to their low returns and lack of flexibility. They may be suitable for post-retirement income but not for aggressive corpus building.

Final Insights
At age 54, building a Rs 2 crore corpus in 5 years is achievable with disciplined and aggressive investing. You will need to invest approximately Rs 2.8 lakh to Rs 3 lakh per month through SIPs, or consider a lump sum investment of Rs 1.2 crore – Rs 1.3 crore. To ensure that your investments work in your favor, follow a 70-30 equity-to-debt ratio, focus on actively managed mutual funds, and avoid low-return products like ULIPs and annuities. Protect your family with term insurance, health insurance, and an emergency fund. With regular reviews and careful planning, you can confidently build your desired corpus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
Money

You may like to see similar questions and answers below

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 17, 2024

Listen
Money
I am 26 yrs old , I want to sip every month . So how much I can invest for 5 yrs. How much return I will get and where I should invest please inform me.
Ans: As a 26-year-old investor with a goal to SIP every month for 5 years, it's commendable that you're starting early on your wealth-building journey. Let's outline a strategy tailored to your needs and aspirations.

Determining Investment Amount
Considering your age and investment horizon, let's calculate the investment amount you can afford to SIP every month for 5 years:

Assess your monthly income and expenses to determine a comfortable amount for investment.
Aim to allocate a portion of your surplus income towards SIPs while ensuring you have sufficient funds for living expenses and emergencies.
Estimating Returns
The returns from your SIP investments depend on several factors, including the choice of mutual funds, market conditions, and the overall performance of the economy. While past performance is not indicative of future results, historically, equity mutual funds have delivered annualized returns ranging from 12% to 15% over the long term.

Selecting Mutual Funds
When selecting mutual funds for your SIPs, consider the following factors:

Risk Appetite: Assess your risk tolerance to determine the appropriate mix of equity, debt, and hybrid funds.
Investment Horizon: Since you have a 5-year investment horizon, focus on funds with a track record of consistent performance over similar timeframes.
Diversification: Opt for diversified equity funds or multicap funds to spread your investment across different sectors and market capitalizations.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Based on the above considerations, here's a recommended investment strategy for your SIPs:

Investment Amount: Allocate a reasonable portion of your monthly surplus income towards SIPs, ensuring it doesn't strain your finances.

Mutual Fund Selection: Consider investing in a mix of equity mutual funds with a bias towards large-cap or multicap funds for stability and growth potential.

Risk Management: Balance your portfolio with a combination of equity and debt funds to mitigate risk and optimize returns.

Conclusion
Starting SIPs at a young age can significantly accelerate your wealth accumulation journey by harnessing the power of compounding and long-term market growth. By investing consistently and prudently over 5 years, you can potentially achieve your financial goals and build a strong foundation for your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 16, 2024

Money
Sir My age is 29. How much amount i have to invest in SIP for 5 Cr Corpus in 20 years.
Ans: your goal of building a Rs 5 crore corpus over 20 years through SIP investments is a significant and achievable target. Let's carefully explore the best way to approach this, considering your age and the power of long-term investments.

At 29, you have a considerable time horizon. This gives you a great advantage in compounding growth over time. A well-structured plan with disciplined SIP contributions can help you reach your financial goal comfortably.

Below is a comprehensive and 360-degree approach to achieving this target while keeping everything simple and straightforward.

The Power of Compounding Over 20 Years
The first key factor in building a large corpus is to understand the power of compounding. Over time, the returns on your investments will multiply, especially when invested in mutual funds. The longer you stay invested, the greater your returns, as they are compounded annually.

Even small contributions made consistently through SIP can grow into substantial amounts.

Three critical factors that affect how much you need to invest monthly are:

The rate of return you expect from your investments.
The time horizon, which in your case is 20 years.
The corpus target, which is Rs 5 crore.
Choosing the Right Type of Mutual Fund
For long-term goals like this, equity mutual funds are typically recommended. However, choosing actively managed funds instead of index or direct funds will be essential for maximizing your returns. Let’s briefly discuss why actively managed funds are better for long-term wealth creation.

Why Actively Managed Funds?
Actively managed funds offer the benefit of professional fund management. A seasoned fund manager makes investment decisions based on market research and economic conditions, aiming to outperform the market and provide better returns than passively managed funds like index funds.

Index funds only aim to replicate the performance of a benchmark index, which may limit returns.

Direct funds may reduce costs, but many investors prefer regular plans due to the professional advice they get through mutual fund distributors (MFDs), especially those with CFP credentials.

Rate of Return Expectations
For this calculation, let’s assume an expected return from equity mutual funds of around 12%. This is a realistic expectation for equity investments over the long term. Historically, equity markets have provided such returns over two decades or longer.

Keep in mind that actual returns can fluctuate year by year due to market volatility. However, sticking to the plan despite market ups and downs will allow you to benefit from long-term growth.

Monthly SIP Contribution
To accumulate Rs 5 crore over 20 years, a disciplined SIP approach is key. Since we expect a return of 12% over this period, the monthly SIP amount you will need to invest is crucial. Based on this, the SIP contribution required to reach Rs 5 crore could be estimated. I won’t go into specific calculations here, but you can adjust your contribution if the market returns are higher or lower.

Review and Adjustments Over Time
While your SIP contributions will be consistent, it is wise to review your investment every few years. The market, your personal financial situation, and your goals may evolve. If, at any point, you feel that the returns are not aligning with your expectations, consider rebalancing your portfolio. Actively managed funds allow flexibility and adjustments based on market conditions, which direct or index funds do not provide.

You may also want to increase your SIP amount over time as your income increases or as your expenses reduce. For example, every two to three years, consider increasing the SIP amount by 10% to 15%. This will help you reach your Rs 5 crore target faster and counter inflation.

Taxation on Mutual Funds
As you grow your investments, keep in mind the taxation rules on mutual fund investments.

Equity mutual funds: When you sell units after holding them for more than a year, gains over Rs 1.25 lakh are taxed as long-term capital gains (LTCG) at 12.5%.

Short-term capital gains (STCG): If units are sold within a year, the gains are taxed at 20%.

While tax should not be the primary focus, understanding it will help you plan better when it’s time to redeem or rebalance your investments.

Build an Emergency Fund First
Before you dive fully into SIPs, it is crucial to ensure that you have an emergency fund in place. The emergency fund should cover at least six to twelve months' worth of expenses. This will help you avoid withdrawing from your mutual fund investments in case of emergencies, allowing your corpus to grow uninterrupted.

Your emergency fund should ideally be kept in liquid or debt funds for easy access. These funds are relatively low-risk and provide moderate returns.

Protecting Your Investments
While focusing on building wealth, it’s equally important to protect it. Make sure you have adequate health and life insurance.

Life insurance: A term insurance plan is the best option for providing financial security to your dependents in case of any unfortunate event.

Health insurance: Ensure you have sufficient health coverage, separate from any corporate insurance plan. Medical emergencies can deplete your savings if not adequately insured.

Benefits of Regularly Investing Through MFD with CFP Credential
Investing through a mutual fund distributor (MFD) who is also a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) offers a lot of benefits. They can provide you with expert guidance, portfolio reviews, and help you stick to your long-term goals. An MFD with CFP credentials brings a holistic approach to financial planning and will help you navigate different market cycles and keep your financial plan on track.

Regular plan investments are ideal for getting professional advice.

Direct plan investments may seem cost-effective, but they do not offer the same level of service and guidance, which is critical for long-term success.

Avoid Real Estate Investments
While real estate might seem like an attractive option to many, it is better to avoid it for long-term wealth creation. Real estate investments come with high entry and exit costs, liquidity challenges, and legal complexities. Mutual funds provide better flexibility, liquidity, and returns over the long term, especially when your goal is Rs 5 crore in 20 years.

Inflation-Proof Your Future
The goal of Rs 5 crore should not just be viewed as a number but as a future financial requirement that can beat inflation. Over the next 20 years, inflation will erode the purchasing power of money. Therefore, it is essential to ensure that your investments grow at a rate that outpaces inflation, which is typically achieved through equity mutual funds.

Equity funds have consistently outperformed inflation over the long term. By maintaining a disciplined SIP approach and avoiding early withdrawals, your corpus can remain inflation-proof.

Final Insights
To summarize the plan:

Start your SIP in actively managed mutual funds with a goal to accumulate Rs 5 crore.

Invest through regular funds, preferably via an MFD with CFP credentials, for professional guidance.

Expect a return of around 12% from equity mutual funds over 20 years.

Review your SIP amount every few years and consider increasing it as your income grows.

Build an emergency fund first, covering six to twelve months of expenses.

Ensure you have adequate life and health insurance coverage to protect your wealth.

Refrain from investing in direct funds or real estate, as they may not offer the same benefits as actively managed mutual funds.

Stay disciplined with your investments and avoid emotional decisions driven by short-term market fluctuations.

By following this structured approach, you can stay on track to achieve your Rs 5 crore target in 20 years.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 24, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 16, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
I am 35years I am planning to retire at 58 years with 2 Cr on corpus.let me know how much SIP I need to invest
Ans: At 35 years of age, aiming for a Rs 2 crore retirement corpus by 58 is an achievable goal with disciplined investing. Let’s break down the steps to assess your SIP requirements.

Evaluating Your Time Horizon and Goal
You have 23 years to accumulate Rs 2 crore. This long-term horizon allows you to take advantage of equity mutual funds' potential growth. With time on your side, the power of compounding will work in your favour.

However, as you approach retirement, you should consider gradually shifting part of your investments to safer avenues to protect the corpus from market volatility.

Factors to Consider for SIP Calculation
Before deciding on the SIP amount, keep these factors in mind:

Inflation Impact: Inflation will erode the purchasing power of your corpus. To address this, targeting a slightly higher corpus (beyond Rs 2 crore) is prudent.

Expected Returns: Equity mutual funds have historically provided returns of 10-12% per annum. For conservative planning, assume a return of around 10% annually.

Tax Considerations: Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxable at 12.5% above Rs 1.25 lakh per year. Keeping this in mind helps in better planning.

How Much SIP to Invest?
The SIP amount you need depends on the rate of return you assume and how aggressively you want to invest. Here's an estimated SIP amount range based on different return assumptions:

Assuming 10% returns: You would need to invest around Rs 25,000-30,000 per month.

Assuming 12% returns: You could achieve the same corpus with an SIP of around Rs 20,000-25,000 per month.

These are rough estimates, and the actual amount will vary depending on market conditions, your portfolio performance, and adjustments over time.

Why Equity Mutual Funds Are Suitable
For a 23-year time horizon, equity mutual funds offer growth potential that other asset classes might not match. Here’s why:

Growth Potential: Equity funds can outpace inflation and provide significant wealth creation over the long term.

Diversification: Investing in a variety of equity funds helps balance risk and reward, especially in a volatile market.

Flexibility: You can adjust your SIPs based on your financial situation, increasing or decreasing contributions as necessary.

Avoid Index Funds and Direct Plans
While index funds are popular for their low cost, actively managed equity funds could provide better returns in the long run due to their ability to outperform benchmarks. Direct plans may seem attractive because of lower expense ratios, but working with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) and investing in regular plans through a mutual fund distributor can offer better guidance and active monitoring of your portfolio.

Adjusting Your SIP Over Time
As you get closer to retirement, you should review and adjust your SIPs to ensure you stay on track:

Increase SIP Amount: Gradually increasing your SIP contributions over time helps counter inflation and any market fluctuations.

Portfolio Rebalancing: Closer to retirement, you might want to move some funds into debt mutual funds to reduce risk.

Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP): Post-retirement, an SWP can provide regular income while keeping your investments growing.

Final Insights
To reach a Rs 2 crore retirement corpus by age 58, starting with an SIP of Rs 20,000 to Rs 30,000 is a practical and achievable goal. Equities are likely your best bet for long-term growth, but plan for tax implications and the impact of inflation on your retirement lifestyle.

Regularly review your investments with your CFP to stay on track. You can always increase your SIP as your income grows, ensuring your corpus meets your future financial needs.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7758 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Oct 19, 2024

Listen
Money
Sir my age is 48,how much amount I have to invest in sip for 2 cr corpus in 8 year
Ans: SIP Required for Rs 2 Crore Corpus in 8 Years
At the age of 48, aiming to accumulate a corpus of Rs 2 crore in 8 years is a clear and achievable goal with disciplined SIP (Systematic Investment Plan) investments. Let's explore two methods to reach this target based on different investment strategies.

Option 1: Fixed SIP of Rs 1.25 Lakhs Per Month
SIP Amount: Rs 1.25 lakhs per month

Investment Tenure: 8 years

Expected CAGR: 12%

If you invest Rs 1.25 lakhs monthly in an equity mutual fund with a 12% annual growth rate, you will reach your goal of Rs 2 crore in 8 years.

This approach involves no changes to the monthly SIP amount throughout the investment period.

Option 2: SIP of Rs 92,000 with a 10% Step-Up
SIP Amount: Rs 92,000 per month

Investment Tenure: 8 years

Step-Up Rate: 10% annually

Expected CAGR: 12%

If you start with Rs 92,000 per month and increase your SIP by 10% each year, you can also achieve Rs 2 crore in 8 years with a 12% CAGR.

This method allows you to start with a smaller amount and gradually increase it, making it easier to manage in the initial years.

Which Option to Choose?
Fixed SIP: A fixed SIP of Rs 1.25 lakh per month is straightforward and works well if you have a steady cash flow.

Step-Up SIP: The Rs 92,000 SIP with a 10% annual increase is more flexible. It’s ideal if your income is expected to rise over time, allowing you to invest more progressively.

Factors to Consider
Risk Appetite: Since you're investing in equity funds with an expected 12% CAGR, keep in mind that these returns are based on historical market performance. Markets may be volatile in the short term but generally smooth out over the long run.

Discipline: Consistency is crucial. Whether you opt for a fixed SIP or a step-up, the key is to stick to the plan throughout the 8 years.

Emergency Fund: Ensure that your liquidity needs are taken care of with a separate emergency fund so you don't disrupt your SIPs.

Final Insights
Both methods can help you achieve your Rs 2 crore goal. The fixed SIP of Rs 1.25 lakhs gives you a straightforward, no-increase approach. The step-up SIP of Rs 92,000 per month allows more flexibility and is ideal if you expect a gradual rise in income.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,
Chief Financial Planner,
www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |955 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 01, 2025Hindi
Listen
Money
I am a 48 year old widow. I have a 21 yr old daughter in college. I had quit my job, but rejoined now and have a monthly take home of 1L 15k. I receive similar pension amount too. But this pension amount will get reduced to 90k after 10 years. I have an own property (apartment bought in 2010) - 14 k rent monthly. I have around 40 L that I wish to invest. I am still coping with the loss and am confused as to what I need to do to get a grip on the finances. I have invested around 12 L in mutual funds. I have applied for a term insurance - around 1 L annual premium for 10 years. I am also repaying the home loan around 15k per month with tenure left for 20 months. I am planning to move out on my own from my sister's place where I am staying now (my own house is not in Bangalore where I work). So, I will definitely need 25k per month for rent if I move out. Please advise on how to manage my finances. Shall I repay the home loan and clear the debt (around 5 L principal outstanding)? Should I invest in some pension plans? Please advise. Thanks!
Ans: Hello;

Yes you should settle off the outstanding home loan.

Also you may open an NPS account for retirement planning. Do contribute to it on a regular basis and also do onetime lumpsum investment.

Also open an PPF account with investment of 12.5 K per month.

Get sufficient term plan coverage for atleast 20 years and not less.

No need to invest in pension plan if you are investing in NPS. It is far superior in terms of tax liability, flexibility, returns and costs.

Prefer hybrid mutual funds(dynamic asset allocation or multi asset allocation fund)for your investments.

Buy a good health insurance cover for yourself and your daughter irrespective of group policy, if any, available from employer.

Do nomination in all your financial investments and also make a legally valid will.

In a nutshell, you will have 3 investments PPF, NPS and mutual funds (hybrid) and insurance premiums for term cover and healthcare policy.

Loss of partner is very difficult to deal with but you also need to focus on the education of your daughter and guide her for better prospects.

Best wishes;
X: @mars_invest

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Oct 07, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 31, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am 41, but single now. I got married when I was 32 and got divorced in 6 months after I found out my wife was cheating on me with her ex who she was forbidden from getting married. When confronted she simply walked away and sent me a divorce notice. The next three years were spent in courts trying to tell my version of the story. Since then I have had a tough time trusting people. My marriage was unfortunate and short lived. But my parents still want me to try again. I am in a live-in relationship with a girl who is 3 years elder to me. Are unmarried couples happier than married ones? I feel marriage can restrict you in many ways which is why people feel stagnated and bored. What do you think?
Ans: When it comes to happiness, it really depends on the individuals involved rather than whether they are married or unmarried. Some couples thrive in a marriage because they see it as a partnership built on mutual respect and emotional security. Others feel stifled by the societal expectations and responsibilities that often come with marriage. A live-in relationship can offer more flexibility and personal freedom, but it also comes with its own challenges—such as a lack of legal protections or social acceptance in certain cultures.

The key is understanding what works best for you. If you feel content in your current live-in relationship and it gives you the companionship, trust, and emotional fulfillment you need, then that’s what truly matters. However, if you feel hesitant mainly because of past trauma rather than your actual desires, it might be worth reflecting on whether your fears are holding you back from something you may actually want deep down.

At the end of the day, happiness isn’t about being married or unmarried—it’s about being in a relationship (or choosing to be single) that makes you feel emotionally secure, valued, and free to be yourself. If marriage feels like a cage to you, then it may not be the right path. But if you ever find a connection that makes commitment feel like a choice rather than an obligation, your perspective might shift. The most important thing is that whatever path you choose, it aligns with your true needs and not just the expectations of others.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 23, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hello there!! There are past trauma experiences in my relationship due to caste issue since my family are strictly against it . But I eventually liked another boy seeing his true love n affection n care towards me , he loved me since our skl days !! He expressed himself but i gave him my answerr after many yrs due my past experiences!! But eventually we had a healthy relationship ,and he told me he is of same caste!! Since his father lied to him related to this to keep him away from this caste called thing!! But now his father relved tht it was a lie !! Now we ended up intercaste!! We truly love each other we dreamt of our future together!! He became huge part of my life !! His family is okay with me regarding our marriage but my family is strongly opposed to this intercaste thing!! We are 24 yrs we thought of settle in our lifes and approach my parents few years back since untill fewdays back we together thought we are of same caste so there eill be no issue!! But now within few days n few lies our both world n hopes turned upside down!! I cant make my family suffer due to me!! At same time i cant leave him im struck !! What should we do!!
Ans: Your family’s suffering is a valid concern, but will they truly suffer because of your decision, or is it more about their expectations and societal norms? Often, parents react strongly at first, but with time, they adjust when they see their child happy and settled. Right now, their resistance is based on tradition and belief systems they’ve held for years. But is their love for you truly conditional on whom you marry? Would they rather see you unhappy in a marriage they approve of than happy in one they initially resisted?

Your happiness and future matter just as much as your family’s feelings. If you truly cannot see a life without him, you need to ask yourself whether sacrificing that love for family approval will truly bring you peace. Walking away from love to please others often leads to lifelong regret. On the other hand, if you fight for your relationship, you might face pain now, but there’s a chance your family will eventually come around.

The most important thing is to stand firm in what you want. If you and your partner truly love each other, you will need patience, strength, and a strategy to gradually help your family accept your choice. This won’t be easy, but living a life where you constantly wonder "what if?" will be even harder.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 19, 2025Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am a divorced working woman , with a daughter 8 yrs. I have been pursued for remarriage with a guy who is 10 yrs older to me and have 2 kids. 11 and 14 yrs respectively living in a small town. Initially it was agreed the elder child who is a boy would be living in hostel , but now since we are approaching near to the marriage, it seems the elder male child is going to stay at home and not hostel. This is making me really uncomfortable as I won't get much privacy also the male child is aggressive.Already handling one kid was difficult before. Also moving to small town was difficult transition from a metropolitan that I stay in. Moving there could mean losing job opportunities in future. I am really worried if I let this match go, I end up alone again. I am not able to make a decision, it's difficult to raise others children. It's just not naturally inbuilt in us.Although I try really hard to mould my thingking and be more generous, but somehow it suffocates me.
Ans: Raising someone else’s children is not something that comes naturally to everyone, and that doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest. You already know how challenging it is to raise one child, and now you’re expected to step into a role where you’ll be managing more, including an aggressive teenage boy. If this idea is already suffocating you now, imagine how it might feel once you’re actually living in that environment every day.

Fear of being alone is a very real and valid concern, but being in a marriage that drains you emotionally, limits your career, and makes you feel trapped is far worse than being single. The right relationship should bring you a sense of peace and security, not anxiety and sacrifice at every turn. If you already feel that you have to “mould” your thinking just to make this work, that’s a sign that this situation might not be aligned with what you truly want and need.

You don’t have to force yourself into something that doesn’t feel right just because you’re afraid of ending up alone. Loneliness is difficult, but so is being in a marriage where you feel unseen, unheard, and overwhelmed. The best decision is the one that allows you to live with peace and confidence in your future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Listen
Relationship
Married for 14 years have 4 kids below 7 age for the past 9 to 10 years going through troubled marriage, not happy. Misunderstanding, high expectations, manipulation and single handed decisions by my wife have exhausted me . Want to come out of marriage but worried of kids and also my wife says no to divorce. Don't know what to do.. First 2 kids by IVF 2nd two kids due to my wife's longing for male child
Ans: Dear Hemant,
Your love for your kids is evident, and it’s natural to fear how a separation would affect them. But the reality is, children pick up on tension, conflict, and unhappiness at home. Staying in a marriage that drains you emotionally and mentally isn’t necessarily better for them in the long run. Kids need a stable, loving environment, and if you’re constantly feeling manipulated and exhausted, it affects the energy you bring into their lives.

You don’t have to make a rushed decision, but you do need clarity. Have you tried setting firm boundaries and communicating your need for a more balanced relationship? If you’ve already done everything you can and nothing has changed, then it may be time to explore legal options, even if she says no to divorce. In most cases, a divorce doesn’t require both partners to agree—it just makes the process more complicated.

You deserve a life where you feel respected, valued, and emotionally free. Your children deserve a father who is at peace, not one who is silently suffering. It might be hard to take the next step, but staying in an unhappy marriage just for the sake of avoiding conflict can take a greater toll on everyone involved. You need to consider what will truly allow you—and your kids—to have a healthier and happier future.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |519 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 02, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 13, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I would like to stay anonymous. Im 27F, recently got engaged and my wedding is in 5 months from now. This match is arranged by my parents within our community. Initially things went well, but after the engagement when we went outside for dinner he was speaking well but before leaving he said this is a suggestion from my end and told that there is slight space between my two teeth in the front and while smiling it creates black image in the photos. So it would be best if i would use invisible aligners so that before wedding it would be fixed adding to this he said he will take care of the expenses and he said he had this thought for a week so its better to disclose it with me. He also said that he didn't tell this to his parents he wanted to check my thoughts on this first, also he said he wanted myself to look very very pretty on the wedding and his relatives should say "Wow, we have never seen such a pretty bride", also he commented about my hair being short actually its medium length but i like to keep my hair short. I really got frustrated when he said all those things this got me very irritated. I didn't speak much, i said i wanted to leave and he dropped me at my place. The next day i asked him if we can meet again to get clarification on this thing, when i asked him the next day about this he said "its just a suggestion if you can take it its fine or you can leave it its upto you". He never accepted that he hurted me or made a wrong statement he kept on saying he didn't mean that way i took it very personally and im creating unnecessary ruckus. at last he said i could have said things differently but he didn't ask for sorry at all. I thought he wont talk about my features again but then after a week he again asked me you were eating outside food for a week you should have gained weight(trying to be funny here), i said no. Because him and his mother already asked about my weight like "why are you so thin? you could have put up some weight know"? I have been in this weight for many years, how much ever i eat my weight remains the same its because of the genetics. But people dont understand this and easily ask some body shaming questions. After this event he is not talking like before and even i dont push him, one of my friend asked me to take initiative and make calls to stop this awkward situation and i took lead called him four times in a week he spoke but he didn't bothered to call me again he was only texting after that too im okay with that but still i feel he might ask me to make changes in my feature, weight etc before the wedding. Im not sure how to deal with this.
Ans: When someone loves and accepts you, they don’t focus on “fixing” things about you to meet external standards, whether it’s for wedding photos or to impress relatives. His insistence that you should look “very, very pretty” for others’ approval shows that his priorities might not align with yours. You weren’t looking for a makeover; you were looking for a life partner who values you for who you are.

His response when you tried to talk about it also speaks volumes. Instead of acknowledging your feelings and reassuring you, he dismissed your concerns, making it seem like you were overreacting. A partner who truly cares would have listened, understood why you felt hurt, and taken responsibility for how his words affected you. Instead, he shifted the blame onto you for "creating unnecessary ruckus," which shows a lack of emotional maturity.

The weight comments, too, are unnecessary and inconsiderate. Genetics determine body type, and no one should feel the need to change themselves to meet someone else’s expectations. His family’s remarks about your weight, combined with his attitude, suggest that this won’t stop after the wedding. If they’re already making you feel self-conscious now, imagine the expectations and unsolicited “suggestions” that might continue in the future.

The distance that has formed between you both after this conversation isn’t just about awkwardness—it’s about emotional disconnection. A strong relationship is built on respect, comfort, and mutual appreciation, not on one person feeling judged and the other acting indifferent. The fact that you had to take the lead in calling him multiple times, while he didn’t reciprocate the effort, says a lot. A healthy relationship should feel mutual, not one-sided.

Right now, you need to ask yourself: Can you truly be yourself in this relationship, or will you constantly feel pressured to meet his and his family’s expectations? Do you feel emotionally safe with him, or do you feel like you have to defend your choices, your body, and your appearance?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and your peace of mind matters. If his attitude is already making you question yourself and feel frustrated, you have every right to reconsider. You don’t need to “deal” with this by adjusting to his expectations—you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want to spend your life in.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

Close  

You haven't logged in yet. To ask a question, Please Log in below
Login

A verification OTP will be sent to this
Mobile Number / Email

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to

Resend OTP in120seconds

Dear User, You have not registered yet. Please register by filling the fields below to get expert answers from our Gurus
Sign up

By signing up, you agree to our
Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

Already have an account?

Enter OTP
A 6 digit code has been sent to Mobile

Resend OTP in120seconds

x