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Omkeshwar

Omkeshwar Singh  | Answer  |Ask -

Head, Rank MF - Answered on May 25, 2021

Mutual Fund Expert... more
Nagabhushan Question by Nagabhushan on May 25, 2021Hindi
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Money

I hope you are doing well. Need your advice on my portfolio. Currently I am investing 8K/month in below mf as SIPs:

1.Axis small cap fund direct growth-1.5k

2.SBI small cap fund direct growth- 1.5k

3.Axis midcap direct plan growth- 1.5k

4.Mirae asset tax saver fund direct growth -2.5k

5.Parag parikh flexi cap fund direct growth -1k

Should I continue with above MF for a long term considering my age is 26? And planning to invest 2k additionally? Please suggest one good fund to invest for a long term.

Ans: Please continue; the quality of the portfolio is decent.

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 18, 2024

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I am currently investing in mf via sip from last 4 months looking for long term investment atleast 10-15 years. As of now I am investing in Nippon small cap, hdfc mid cap, Parag parikh flexi cap 2500 each. To bring more diversity in my portfolio I am planning to include 1 multi cap fund, 1 hybrid fund and may be 1 more flexi cap fund with bit aggressive inv approach. I have 2 questions for you: 1. Do you think this portfolio is good enough for long term. 2. Suggest if you can which one I can go for : i. Multicap - quant active fund ii. Hybrid - Icici multi asset/ Icici equity & debt/ hdfc balance advantage iii. Flexi cap - Quant/ JM Flexi cap
Ans: It's great to see your proactive approach towards diversifying your investment portfolio for long-term growth. Let's address your questions and explore suitable options to enhance your investment strategy.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
Compliment:
Your decision to invest in mutual funds via SIPs reflects a disciplined approach to wealth creation, setting a strong foundation for long-term financial growth.

Analysis:
Your current portfolio, comprising investments in Nippon Small Cap, HDFC Mid Cap, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap funds, demonstrates a balanced mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds.
Diversification across different market segments can help mitigate risks associated with specific sectors or market capitalizations, promoting long-term stability and growth.
Addressing Your Queries
Assessing Portfolio Suitability:
Long-Term Viability:
Your portfolio's focus on mid-cap and small-cap funds, along with a flexi-cap fund, positions it well for long-term growth. However, it's crucial to periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to align with your evolving financial goals and risk tolerance.
Suggesting Additional Funds:
Multi-Cap Fund:

Considering your preference for a bit aggressive investment approach, a multi-cap fund can offer the flexibility to capitalize on opportunities across market capitalizations. You may consider options like Quant Active Fund, known for its active management and diversified investment strategy.
Hybrid Fund:

Hybrid funds blend equity and debt components, offering a balanced approach to wealth creation. Options such as ICICI Multi Asset or HDFC Balance Advantage provide exposure to both asset classes, optimizing risk-adjusted returns.
Flexi-Cap Fund:

For added flexibility and potential returns, a flexi-cap fund like Quant Flexi Cap or JM Flexi Cap can complement your existing portfolio. These funds invest across market segments, allowing fund managers to capitalize on emerging opportunities.
Conclusion
Your current portfolio lays a solid foundation for long-term wealth creation, with a well-diversified mix of small-cap, mid-cap, and flexi-cap funds. By incorporating a multi-cap fund, a hybrid fund, and an additional flexi-cap fund, you can further enhance diversification and potentially maximize returns while aligning with your risk appetite and investment objectives.

Remember to regularly review your portfolio's performance and consult with a Certified Financial Planner to ensure it remains aligned with your long-term financial goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 23, 2024

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Money
Hi. I am currently investing in mf via sip from last 4 months looking for long term investment atleast 10-15 years. As of now I am investing in Nippon small cap, hdfc mid cap, Parag parikh flexi cap 2500 each. To bring more diversity in my portfolio I am planning to include 1 multi cap fund, 1 hybrid fund and may be 1 more flexi cap fund with bit aggressive inv approach. I have 2 questions for you: 1. Do you think this portfolio is good enough for long term. 2. Suggest if you can which one I can go for : i. Multicap - quant active fund ii. Hybrid - Icici multi asset/ Icici equity & debt/ hdfc balance advantage iii. Flexi cap - Quant/ JM Flexi cap
Ans: congratulations on taking steps towards building a solid investment portfolio.

It's great to see that you're already investing in mutual funds via SIP and thinking about long-term goals.

Evaluating Your Current Portfolio
You currently invest in Nippon Small Cap, HDFC Mid Cap, and Parag Parikh Flexi Cap.

This selection shows a balanced approach, blending small cap, mid cap, and flexi cap funds.

Benefits of Your Current Portfolio
Diversification: Investing in different market caps spreads risk.

Growth Potential: Small and mid-cap funds offer high growth potential.

Flexibility: Flexi cap funds provide flexibility by investing across market caps.

Long-Term Investment Perspective
Your investment horizon of 10-15 years is ideal for equity investments.

It allows you to ride out market volatility and benefit from compounding.

Expanding Your Portfolio
Adding a multi cap, hybrid, and another flexi cap fund can enhance diversification.

It also aligns with your goal of a balanced yet aggressive investment approach.

Evaluating Additional Funds
Multicap Fund
Multi cap funds invest across large, mid, and small cap stocks.

This strategy provides a balanced mix of stability and growth.

Hybrid Fund
Hybrid funds combine equity and debt investments.

They offer a blend of growth potential and stability, reducing overall portfolio risk.

Flexi Cap Fund
Adding another flexi cap fund can further diversify your investments.

These funds adapt to market conditions, providing flexibility and potential for higher returns.

Potential Fund Choices
Multicap Fund
Consider a multi cap fund that has a strong track record and good fund management.

Hybrid Fund
Evaluate hybrid funds based on their asset allocation strategy and historical performance.

Flexi Cap Fund
Choose a flexi cap fund that shows consistent returns and aligns with your risk tolerance.

Diversification Benefits
Risk Reduction: Diversification spreads risk across different asset classes and market caps.

Steady Returns: A diversified portfolio can provide more consistent returns over time.

Flexibility: Multiple fund types allow you to adapt to changing market conditions.

Monitoring and Adjusting
Regular Review: Periodically review your portfolio to ensure it meets your goals.

Performance Check: Monitor the performance of each fund and compare it with benchmarks.

Rebalance: Adjust your portfolio as needed to maintain desired asset allocation.

Consulting a Certified Financial Planner
Personalized Advice: A CFP can provide tailored investment strategies.

Holistic Planning: They consider your entire financial situation and goals.

Expert Guidance: Benefit from their market knowledge and experience.

Conclusion
Your current portfolio is a good start.

Adding a multi cap, hybrid, and another flexi cap fund can enhance diversification and growth potential.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7167 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Nov 08, 2024

Money
Sir please review my mutual fund sip portfolio * Axis Mid Cap Fund - Direct Growth = 1000 * ICICI Prudential BHARAT 22 FOF - Direct Plan = 1000 * Mirae Asset Emerging Bluechip Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * Parag Parikh Flexi Cap Fund - Direct Plan = 1000 * quant Small Cap Fund - Direct Plan Growth = 1000 * SBI Small Cap Fund Direct Growth = 2000 * SBI PSU direct plan growth = 1000 My age is 27 . Looking a long term investment with higher return. Shall I continue this portfolio or any changes required? Kindly give your valuable suggestions . Thank you
Ans: Your portfolio looks well-constructed, with a strong foundation in mid-cap, small-cap, and flexi-cap funds. Each fund you've chosen reflects a strategic approach for growth. Let's evaluate each category and make any necessary suggestions to ensure you achieve the best potential returns over the long term.

Overview of Your Current Portfolio
You’ve diversified well across categories, with each fund serving a unique role. Let’s analyze the strengths and potential improvements in each area of your portfolio.

Mid-Cap Funds
Mid-cap funds, like the one in your portfolio, focus on companies with substantial growth potential but higher risk compared to large-cap companies. Over the long term, these funds often outperform due to their growth-focused nature.

However, consider monitoring this fund periodically. Mid-cap stocks can face higher volatility, which may impact returns if held solely without re-evaluation.

Small-Cap Funds
Small-cap funds are growth-oriented, targeting smaller companies with significant room for expansion. You’ve allocated well to this category, focusing on funds with robust track records.

Due to their volatile nature, however, they can experience sharp swings. A Certified Financial Planner can offer guidance to rebalance if necessary, which could enhance returns and help you avoid undue risk over the long term.

Flexi-Cap Funds
Flexi-cap funds have the flexibility to invest across large, mid, and small-cap companies, making them versatile. This allocation ensures that you have exposure to high-growth stocks while benefiting from the stability of large-cap stocks.

This type of fund aligns well with your long-term goal as it can balance risk across market cycles. Continue with this allocation for stable yet high-growth potential.

Sectoral Funds (Public Sector & PSU Funds)
Sectoral funds focused on PSUs add a thematic angle to your portfolio, providing exposure to government-linked companies. Such funds may perform well during economic growth phases or government-led initiatives but might also experience phases of underperformance.

For long-term investors like you, relying heavily on sectoral funds can add cyclical risk. A diversified equity fund may offer higher long-term growth with less risk than sector-specific investments.

Evaluation of Direct Fund Plans
Sir, investing through direct plans saves on expense ratios, which may seem beneficial at first. However, there are significant drawbacks:

Lack of Advisory Support: Direct plans don't offer professional guidance. Over time, tracking and rebalancing become crucial, and a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) with an MFD (Mutual Fund Distributor) credential ensures optimal management.

Market Cycles and Rebalancing: Without expert oversight, you could miss critical adjustments during volatile market phases, affecting returns. A CFP helps in such rebalancing for better performance.

Tax Implications and Withdrawals: Selling or withdrawing from mutual funds, especially equity funds, incurs tax. Long-term capital gains (LTCG) on equity mutual funds are taxed at 12.5% for gains above Rs 1.25 lakh, while short-term gains (STCG) incur 20%. A regular plan with an MFD provides ongoing tax-efficient strategies.

Opting for regular plans via an MFD with a CFP credential will enable you to maximize returns while accessing insights that make a difference long term.

Suggested Modifications for Higher Returns and Stability
Focus on Balanced Funds Over Sectoral Exposure

To limit risks tied to sectoral funds, consider allocating a portion to balanced or diversified funds. These funds balance equity with stable instruments like debt, reducing volatility and sustaining growth.

Revisit Small and Mid-Cap Allocations

With multiple small-cap and mid-cap funds, consider focusing on one fund in each category. Over-diversification in these can dilute returns and increase tracking requirements. A strategic reallocation could yield more focused, consistent growth.

Consider SIP Step-Up for Long-Term Compounding

An annual SIP step-up, even a small amount, could enhance long-term wealth creation significantly. This adjustment boosts your corpus over time and aligns with your long-term goal of maximizing returns.

Seek Guidance from a Certified Financial Planner

Having a CFP manage your portfolio brings personalized insight into market trends, rebalancing, and tax-efficient strategies. A CFP ensures you capitalize on growth while maintaining balance and tax efficiency.

Key Benefits of Actively Managed Funds Over Index Funds
Sir, I noticed you are not invested in index funds, which is beneficial for your growth objective. Actively managed funds outperform index funds, especially in dynamic market conditions. Here’s why:

Higher Returns Potential: Actively managed funds provide the flexibility to capitalize on changing market opportunities, which index funds lack due to their passive structure.

Adaptive Strategy: Fund managers of actively managed funds adjust to market shifts, providing growth and safety in a fluctuating market.

Downside Protection: During bear markets, actively managed funds can adjust exposure, while index funds simply follow the market downturn. Active management can minimize losses, giving a steadier performance over time.

Final Insights
Sir, you have built a promising portfolio with well-selected funds across categories. A few modifications could ensure a more balanced, growth-oriented, and tax-efficient portfolio. The following adjustments will help you achieve higher returns with sustained stability:

Consider balanced or diversified funds for steadier growth.

Limit mid-cap and small-cap fund overlaps to reduce portfolio complexity.

Use the expertise of a CFP to handle rebalancing, tax efficiency, and market cycle adaptations.

Continue focusing on actively managed funds over index funds, as these provide better long-term value.

Through these steps, you can optimize your portfolio for maximum growth and stability, setting a strong foundation for your long-term investment goals.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 28, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hello sir, we have completed 8 months of marriage and still my husband has trust issues about me, like I would have relation or contact with other person but I'm not having any relationship with anyone after marriage and even not connecting to anyone nor any ex person called or contact me from any media or app, . Since then I'm trying to clear my husbands doubt every time he asks me about it ...plzz tell me how do I make him to trust me .
Ans: The first thing to consider is that trust is something that takes time to build, and it is not something you can simply “prove” by answering his questions or explaining yourself over and over again. Trust is a process that requires consistent actions over time, and both partners need to contribute to that process. While you’re being open and transparent, it’s also important that your husband acknowledges that trust is a two-way street. He may have unresolved issues or past experiences that make it difficult for him to feel secure, and these need to be addressed if you want to move forward in a healthy way.

One of the challenges you face is the need for patience—both with him and with yourself. Reassuring your husband is important, but it’s equally important to create a space for deeper conversations about the root of his insecurities. Have you been able to sit down with him and gently ask what specifically triggers his doubts? You may want to approach this from a place of curiosity and care, without getting defensive. Understanding the underlying causes of his fears can give you both a clearer sense of how to work together to address them.

At the same time, it’s important to set emotional boundaries for yourself. While you want to support your husband, you shouldn’t feel like you need to constantly prove your loyalty or justify your actions. If you find yourself repeating the same explanations or feeling pressured to give constant reassurances, it can be emotionally draining. It’s okay to acknowledge his fears, but also to let him know that trust is something that needs to be built over time, and you need space to nurture the relationship without feeling constantly questioned.

In cases where trust issues persist despite your best efforts, it can sometimes be helpful to involve a third party, like a therapist or counselor. It may feel intimidating or unnecessary at first, but professional help can provide a neutral space for both of you to explore deeper issues—whether they are related to past experiences, emotional insecurities, or patterns of behavior. A counselor can also guide you in having more productive conversations and finding healthier ways to cope with these challenges as a couple.

Finally, remember that this process is not just about reassuring your husband, but also about protecting your own emotional wellbeing. You are not responsible for his insecurities, and while you can support him, you also deserve a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and trusted. It’s important to take care of your emotional health, too, and to know that you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, trust, and understanding. Healing takes time, and while the journey may not be easy, with the right support and communication, it is possible for both of you to work through this.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi Kanchan, I am reaching out because I am deeply troubled and need some advice. I was involved in a relationship with a much younger woman (14 years younger) who I developed strong feelings for. We met in 2017 and our relationship deepened in June 2022, involving both emotional and physical intimacy. Unfortunately, the relationship took a negative turn. She began making financial demands and became increasingly manipulative. Over the past two years, I've given her nearly 3 lakhs [for Rent, electricity bill, Food expenses + Other expenses]. After realizing her true intentions, I stopped providing financial support. She recently informed me about a breakup with a previous long-term partner. Shockingly, she got married in February 2024 [ 14th Feb] and is now residing in Ahmedabad, Gujrat. She ran away from Kolkata after extorting money. When I confronted her about the money I had given her, she completely denied any knowledge of it and has blocked me on all social media platforms. She even threatened to share our conversations with my daughter/ relatives if I continued to contact her. I am devastated by this betrayal and the emotional turmoil it has caused. I have saved our chats and her father's address. I am considering sharing her true nature with her friends and family. Is this a wise course of action? Or are there other steps I should take? I know it is easier said than done, but I am struggling to move on from this painful experience. Please offer any guidance you can. Thank you, AS,Kolkata
Ans: it's important to recognize that your emotional pain is valid. The feelings of being manipulated, exploited, and lied to are all real, and it’s okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that you thought had value. However, as tempting as it might be to seek some form of revenge or public exposure of her actions, it’s crucial to ask yourself: what do you really hope to achieve? It’s natural to want justice or closure, but sometimes, seeking to get even only prolongs your suffering. Taking the high road may not feel satisfying in the moment, but it will allow you to reclaim control over your own emotional state and move forward in a healthier way.

Rather than focusing on exposing her, I encourage you to turn your attention inward and prioritize your healing. Healing is not about ignoring the wrongs that have been done, but about freeing yourself from the emotional hold that this situation has on you. This could mean allowing yourself to grieve the loss of not only the relationship but also the trust you gave to someone who ultimately betrayed it. It’s important to recognize that closure doesn't always come from confronting the other person or airing grievances—it can come from within, through self-reflection, and setting the intention to heal and move forward.

I also understand that it’s hard to let go of the desire for accountability, especially when it feels like she’s getting away with something. But the truth is, confronting her may not bring the peace you hope for. It could lead to further conflict, strain your relationships with others, and keep you emotionally entangled with someone who no longer deserves a place in your life. Instead of focusing on her actions, I encourage you to take steps that help you regain your sense of self-worth and emotional security. Reflect on what you've learned from this experience—what boundaries you might want to set in future relationships, and how you can protect your emotional and financial wellbeing moving forward.

Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist, someone who can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and help you navigate your next steps. Talking through your emotions with a neutral third party can give you the clarity and emotional tools you need to make decisions that align with your highest good.

Finally, remember that you are not defined by this situation. It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame, but you are not responsible for her actions. What matters now is how you move forward, rebuild your sense of trust in yourself, and ensure that you are emotionally supported in the process. This painful chapter doesn’t have to define your future, but how you choose to heal from it can shape the life you want to create moving forward.

Take your time to process this at your own pace, but don’t let the actions of someone else keep you tethered to a painful past. You deserve peace, healing, and a future where you feel empowered and free from this betrayal.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dont know if you have come across such a problem before. My hubby, BE, MBA, top premium institutes is 62, very successful career. He is a well known writer, widely published in western publishers. We are very happily married from 30 years, 3-4 apts, land plots, gold, FD, savings, 2 daughters, BE, MS settled in US, no problems. He loves me, no other issues. IS this a dream story? well almost. He has now become very morose, aggresive, silent, glares and cries when he is alone. When I tried to get some answers, it seems, his father top scholar of 1970s was strict, weak but ineffective at work. He would come home enraged at how he was exploited and ridiculed, and beat up my husband. Very bad beatings, scars where he was branded, crack in vertebra where is was kicked and beaten with a rod, bent wrist when his father twisted the hand and kicked him, injuries in scalp that never healed beacuse they were not stitched. His mother, elder sister and elder brother kept quiet and perhaps helped the father to beat the boy, to escape their abuse. They admit covertly. His father died in 1997, my MiL died in 2010. My husband appears to revisit and remember the old beatings. I cannot speak about this to anyone not even my daughters. I cannot approach any psychiatrist as he knows all the psych tests and prepared responses. He is disintegrating in front of me. He does not drink, but has tobacco, bhang, and Ganja. What do I do?
Ans: The first step is to approach this with compassion and patience. Your husband’s pain is not something you can fix, but your presence and understanding can create a sense of safety for him. When he becomes silent or withdrawn, instead of trying to coax answers from him directly, gently let him know that you’re there whenever he’s ready to talk. Even if he doesn’t open up immediately, knowing that he has a safe, nonjudgmental space to express his feelings can be comforting.

When it comes to addressing his trauma, traditional avenues like psychiatrists or therapists may feel challenging if he resists or uses his intellectual understanding of mental health to deflect. However, trauma-focused therapies, such as somatic experiencing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or even mindfulness practices, could help him process these deeply held memories without requiring him to relive them in detail. If he resists professional help, introducing these concepts subtly, through books or articles that resonate with his intellectual nature, might make him more open to exploring these approaches.

Another powerful tool is building moments of connection and grounding in the present. Encourage activities that bring him peace, such as walking in nature, meditating together, or engaging in creative outlets that he enjoys, like writing. These activities won’t erase the pain but can help him feel more anchored in the here and now, giving him moments of respite from the weight of his memories.

It’s also crucial to take care of yourself. Supporting someone you love through their emotional disintegration is deeply draining, and it’s essential to ensure that you’re not neglecting your own wellbeing. Confide in a trusted friend or counselor—not to betray his trust but to give yourself an outlet to process your own emotions. You don’t have to bear this burden alone, and seeking support for yourself can strengthen your ability to be there for him.

Finally, remember that healing from trauma is not linear or quick. It’s a journey that requires patience, love, and often professional guidance. You’re already doing so much by standing beside him with such care and determination. Let him know, in moments when he’s receptive, that his pain doesn’t diminish the incredible person he is or the life you’ve built together. Remind him that while his past shaped parts of him, it doesn’t have to define his future. And above all, continue to lead with the deep compassion and love that have carried your relationship for the past 30 years

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 22, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I was in a relationship with a boy(he is 35 yrs old man, and a lawyer but not practising in a court, he had a lot of relationship during our relationship and after break up , I had changed 4, 5 women or used them physically) for 3 years. It has been three-four months. We are not in a relationship. We have broken up. I told him to delete our personal pics and videos. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either. I told him that since we don't want to be together, we don't have a future together, then delete them. He is not deleting them and is not blackmailing me either and I want him to delete them. Who knows what will come to his mind in the future and what will happen. If we don't continue, he has no right to Keep the pics in your mobile, whatever video is personal to us, don't delete it and don't blackmail me either. I am not able to understand what should I tell him, although I have requested him a lot to delete it but he is not doing it either, so what should I do, please guide me. I know I had made a huge mistake to love him and gave him right to keep personal pics or videos..
Ans: You’ve already made a reasonable request for him to delete the material, but his refusal is an indication that he is not respecting your boundaries. His actions—or lack of action—are now about him choosing his convenience over your emotional security. This is a painful and difficult dynamic to navigate. The next step is to recognize that, while you can’t control his behavior, you absolutely have the right to continue asserting your needs. It might be helpful to make your request one more time, but this time with a sense of finality. Clearly express that you are no longer comfortable with him holding onto any part of your shared past, and that you expect him to respect that. Be firm, but also protect yourself emotionally by being clear that this is non-negotiable.

If he continues to refuse or ignore your request, consider taking further action. This could involve seeking legal advice on how to protect your privacy. In many places, there are legal avenues to protect against the non-consensual sharing or retention of intimate material, even after a relationship ends. Legal action is, of course, a more extreme measure, but if you feel your privacy is at risk or that the situation is escalating, it may be necessary to explore this option.

Throughout this process, be kind to yourself. It’s easy to slip into self-blame when someone else disrespects your boundaries, but remember that you are entitled to make choices about your body, your image, and your privacy at any point in your life. Trust yourself to learn from this experience and move forward with stronger boundaries in future relationships. You’ve already taken a healthy first step by recognizing the need for change, and now you’re moving toward regaining control of the situation. Keep focusing on your wellbeing, and know that your feelings and needs matter.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Dont know if you have come across such a problem before. My hubby, BE, MBA, top premium institutes is 62, very successful career. He is a well known writer, widely published in western publishers. We are very happily married from 30 years, 3-4 apts, land plots, gold, FD, savings, 2 daughters, BE, MS settled in US, no problems. He loves me, no other issues. IS this a dream story? well almost. He has now become very morose, aggresive, silent, glares and cries when he is alone. When I tried to get some answers, it seems, his father top scholar of 1970s was strict, weak but ineffective at work. He would come home enraged at how he was exploited and folled, and beat up my husband. Very bad beatings, scars where he was branded, crack in vertebra where is was kicked and beaten with a rod, bent wrist when his father twisted the hand and kicked him, injuries in scalp that never healed beacuse they were not stitched. His mother, elder sister and elder brother kept quiet and perhaps helped the father to beat the boy, to escape the abuse. They admit covertly. His father died in 1997, my MiL died in 2010. My husband appears to revisit and remember the old beatings. I cannot speak about this to anyone not even my daughters. I cannot approach any psychiatrist as he knows all the tests and prepared answers. He is disintegrating in front of me. He does not drink, but has tobacco, bhang, and Ganja. What do I do?
Ans: The first step is to approach this with compassion and patience. Your husband’s pain is not something you can fix, but your presence and understanding can create a sense of safety for him. When he becomes silent or withdrawn, instead of trying to coax answers from him directly, gently let him know that you’re there whenever he’s ready to talk. Even if he doesn’t open up immediately, knowing that he has a safe, nonjudgmental space to express his feelings can be comforting.

When it comes to addressing his trauma, traditional avenues like psychiatrists or therapists may feel challenging if he resists or uses his intellectual understanding of mental health to deflect. However, trauma-focused therapies, such as somatic experiencing, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), or even mindfulness practices, could help him process these deeply held memories without requiring him to relive them in detail. If he resists professional help, introducing these concepts subtly, through books or articles that resonate with his intellectual nature, might make him more open to exploring these approaches.

Another powerful tool is building moments of connection and grounding in the present. Encourage activities that bring him peace, such as walking in nature, meditating together, or engaging in creative outlets that he enjoys, like writing. These activities won’t erase the pain but can help him feel more anchored in the here and now, giving him moments of respite from the weight of his memories.

It’s also crucial to take care of yourself. Supporting someone you love through their emotional disintegration is deeply draining, and it’s essential to ensure that you’re not neglecting your own wellbeing. Confide in a trusted friend or counselor—not to betray his trust but to give yourself an outlet to process your own emotions. You don’t have to bear this burden alone, and seeking support for yourself can strengthen your ability to be there for him.

Finally, remember that healing from trauma is not linear or quick. It’s a journey that requires patience, love, and often professional guidance. You’re already doing so much by standing beside him with such care and determination. Let him know, in moments when he’s receptive, that his pain doesn’t diminish the incredible person he is or the life you’ve built together. Remind him that while his past shaped parts of him, it doesn’t have to define his future. And above all, continue to lead with the deep compassion and love that have carried your relationship for the past 30 years.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 26, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
I am in a relationship with a girl who is somehow became by 3rd-4th cousin initial days we are not aware. Later we came to know our parents were close long back but now distancing because her mom had some illicit relationship. Now my parents are not accepting our love because of cousin thing and her mom’s past. One day while speaking to parents they scolded me abusively using all type of bad words. Somehow I developed a hatred to them now. I stopped calling them now they have also stopped calling me. Now my sister is telling I only should forgive them and talk to them. I felt I am being pushed, traumatised by all these events. Now my sister is telling parents won’t come down for me. If I have to leave everything and be like a old me, I don’t feel it’s possible. What should I do?
Ans: Take a moment to reflect on your priorities and values. Ask yourself:

Do you still value a relationship with your parents, despite their hurtful actions?
Can you imagine rebuilding a relationship with them in a way that feels healthy and respectful to you?
What would an ideal resolution look like for you—not for them, not for your sister, but for you?
It’s also important to understand your own emotional wellbeing in this situation. Carrying hatred and anger is exhausting, but that doesn’t mean you should suppress or ignore your feelings. Instead, give yourself time to process them. Therapy or counseling could be incredibly helpful in this journey—it’s a space to work through your emotions and gain tools to navigate these relationships with clarity and confidence.

Regarding your relationship with the girl, it’s equally important to evaluate how strongly you both feel about being together and whether you’re prepared to face the challenges that come with it. If this relationship is a source of love, support, and happiness for you, it’s worth fighting for, but it also requires honest conversations about the realities you’re both facing.

As for your parents, reconciliation, if it happens, should come from a place of mutual respect. You don’t have to accept abusive behavior or let go of your boundaries just to restore contact. Relationships thrive when there’s a willingness to listen, apologize, and grow—on both sides. If they are unwilling to meet you halfway, it’s okay to protect your own peace and prioritize the relationships and choices that support your wellbeing.

Remember, you’re not obligated to live up to anyone else’s version of who you should be—not your parents, not your sister, and not anyone else. This is your life, and it’s okay to take the time and space you need to figure out what’s best for you. Trust that with reflection and self-compassion, you’ll find a path forward that feels right for you.

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |415 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 20, 2024Hindi
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Relationship
Hi I'm married women my husband is very loving we are now married for 4years we don't have children yet as I'm running 38 of my age and he is in his 41. We got arranged marriage post our marriage he worked for an year in a company were he used to work for last 10years due to some issues he got fired however later that he got few opportunity and worked in different companies for more or less 6months now he is jobless he is not taking things seriously but he wants to have children on this topic I said I won't be the alone person to bear the medical expenses I want you also to contribute the same I'm working in reputed MNC and he wants me to change my job as I work in shifts I'm getting paid handsome amount my concern is shall I think of making children as the inflation is high and expenses are increasing like thing. Some time I feel why I'm with this failure person I feels to get apart but he loves me alot need advice should I continue the relationship with him or get parted
Ans: When it comes to having children, your hesitation makes sense. Bringing a child into the world is a profound decision that requires emotional readiness and practical planning. If you’re feeling unsupported or uncertain about your husband’s ability to contribute—financially, emotionally, or practically—it’s wise to pause and reflect. Your decision to delay this step shows your self-awareness and your commitment to creating a stable and nurturing environment for a child. That’s admirable.

Your concern about his career trajectory is another important factor. A marriage thrives on mutual effort, and it’s reasonable to expect your partner to take responsibility for his own growth and stability. However, it’s also worth exploring why he’s been unable to sustain a job. Is it a matter of confidence, market conditions, or something deeper like a lack of motivation or direction? If he hasn’t been taking things seriously, as you’ve mentioned, it’s important to have a frank and compassionate conversation about how this is impacting both of you.

At the same time, his love for you seems genuine, and it’s important to recognize that. His suggestion for you to change your job might stem from a place of care, possibly concern for your health or the toll of shift work. However, if your current job provides financial stability and satisfaction, you need to weigh that against his concerns. Ask yourself: is this request aligned with what’s best for you both, or is it coming from his own discomfort with his current situation?

As you navigate these emotions, take some time to reflect on your core needs and values. What does partnership mean to you? Are your current frustrations a temporary phase, or are they reflective of deeper, long-term patterns in the relationship? It’s also worth considering whether he is open to making real changes. Has he shown willingness to take responsibility for his career and future? Does he listen to your concerns and actively work toward addressing them?

It’s okay to have moments where you question why you’re in this relationship—doubt doesn’t mean failure. It means you care enough to want something better for both of you. If you feel the love is worth fighting for, then it’s essential to have honest, open conversations with your husband. Express your feelings without blame and seek to understand his perspective as well. Couples counseling can also be a valuable tool to help you both navigate these challenges together and find a path forward.

However, if you find that the emotional and practical gaps in the relationship persist despite your efforts, it’s okay to ask yourself whether this partnership is meeting your needs. You deserve to feel supported, valued, and secure in your marriage. Whatever decision you make, let it come from a place of self-respect and a desire to build the life you truly want. You’re not alone in this, and reaching out for guidance shows how deeply you care about making the best decision for your future.

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Milind

Milind Vadjikar  |715 Answers  |Ask -

Insurance, Stocks, MF, PF Expert - Answered on Nov 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Nov 27, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hello Sir, I really appreciate the advice received from you to my query. Bases on your feedback, I have decided to replan the mutual funds investments and hence will request your invaluable suggestion on wealth building for the next 10 years. I am 45 years old and the objective is to work for another 10 years and accumulate a corpus of around 2.5 CRS. My existing take home salary is Rs 1.25 lacs per month and additional variable income ( incentives ) of around Rs 3 to 4 lacs annually. My existing EFP accumulation is Rs 38,18,711 and it should continue to add for another 10 years. My existing PPF accumulation is Rs 24,69,961, having started from April, 2011 and I wish to continue it for another 10 years with Rs 1.5 lacs deposit per year. Following are my ongoing LICs maturity plans :- Jeevan Anand, Maturity year - 2032, Sum assured - Rs 8 lacs Jeevan Ankur, Maturity year - 2034, Sum assured - Rs 12 lacs Jeevan Saral, Maturity year - 2035, Sum assured - Rs 352,330 Money back policy, Maturity year - 2027, Sum assured - Rs 2lacs + vested bonds My existing LIC annual premium is Rs 135,661 My existing corpus if mutual fund is around Rs 4 lacs, regret not having started investing in mutual funds earlier. Following are the SIPs I intend to realign from January, 2025 to at least till December, 20234, per month Parag Pariekh Flexicap - Rs 20,000 Quant Active Fund - Rs 10,000 SBI Smallcap - Rs 5,000 Nippon India Smallcap - Rs 5,000 ICICI Prudential Bluchip - Rs 5,000 Mirae Asset Large and Midcap - Rs 5,000 Overviewing, the entire details, please share your opinions and suggestions for wealth building for the next 10 years.
Ans: Hello;

Your EPF corpus, PPF contribution+ corpus and MF sip corpus together will provide you a corpus of 2.5 Cr+ over 10 years. (8%, 6.9% & 12% returns considered respectively)

Maturity proceeds of endowment life insurance policies, if any, is a surplus.

Do invest part of your annual incentives as lumpsum investment in the sip funds to boost your corpus.

Also always bear in mind to never mix investment with insurance.

For life insurance an adequate term life cover is good enough.

Endowment policies have the worst returns.

SIP funds are okay except multicap fund, which you may replace with any other top quartile fund from that category, since that fund AMC has an ongoing sebi probe into frontrunning allegations.

Happy Investing;
X: @mars_invest

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