Shy 18-Year-Old Seeks Advice on Approaching and Talking to Girls

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

Starting a conversation with a girl sounds scary but it is as simple as finding a common interest or complimenting something you genuinely appreciate about her. Start with a friendly approach, especially when you don't know how the girl feels about you. Ask her about her day, listen carefully, and make her feel heard. Share things about your life that might be relevant. Be genuine; it is one of the most important aspects of finding a real connection. Keep the conversation light-heartedly in the beginning and gradually move towards shared interests and pointing out similarities between the two of you. Ensure she is comfortable every step of the way and never cross a boundary like asking her to meet when she's not ready, convincing her to share personal details, and such.

Remember, being a gentleman goes a long way. So be kind, confident, and authentic, and enjoy the conversation.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

I understand how you are feeling. First of all, you are not alone in this. Secondly, it's time you recognize how much you have achieved in life. Kudos to that.

Now, coming to your concern, being an introvert is not an issue, though it comes with its own set of challenges. I understand that you feel shy when it comes to talking to women. That's where dating apps come in. You have seen no results on them; I hear you. But give it another try, but this time, with a fool-proof strategy. First off, write an appealing bio. It's equivalent to writing a cover letter- you put forward your best attributes and convince people why they should date you. You can mention your achievements, you can be honest and disclose that you are an introvert, mention what you have to offer as a partner and don't forget to mention what you are looking for in your partner. This would give your potential matches a concise idea of you and also help attract the right people. Second, display image matters. While I am not encouraging you to put up an over-edited picture hiding your imperfections, do not put up the worst one either. Make sure it's recent, decent, and of you and you alone, and not in a group. Third, if you like somebody, don't be afraid to send a message. You are not committing to them, nor do you have to see them in person. Leave a message, interact, only if things go well, meet in person. There's no rush and no prior commitment. Fourth and the most important one, be patient. The right match can take a while but when you do find them, it will be worth the wait.

Best Wishes!

Ans: Dear Anonymous,

What you are facing is very common. The first step is to remember that you are not alone. Even the best of us face it. Second, have you tried dating apps? There is no speaking face to face, which substantially helps with the nervousness. You can chat with people for days before you even decide to meet them in person. You can also attract the people who can perfectly match your vibe, making it easier for you to feel more comfortable and relaxed with them.

Other than that, here are few tips you can try-

Start small. Start with small talks. You don't need to have a full blown conversation in the very first attempt. Say Hi, smile, or ask her about her day. If you feel shy to speak, master the art of listening. Women love a man who can actively listen. Third, be genuine and be yourself. The more you pretend to impress a girl, the trickier it can be to keep up the act. Moreover, you will be preoccupied with your pretense and won't focus on the quality of the conversation. Be you. Fourth, learn from your experience. Good or bad, experiences can teach us a lot. Reflect on the past conversations; the ones that went well and ones that didn't. Identify what worked and what needs improvement. And lastly, be patient. Building confidence can take a while. Not all of us are naturally blessed with it. Some of us have to work for it. But in the end, it will be worth your while.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
It's great that you have found someone you admire. I understand the challenges of approaching your crush. Here is what I suggest- start with a smile and a hi. Then, instead of beating around the bush, ask her if she would like to go out with you for a cup of coffee. It doesn't have to be a "date" date. Just an outing, where two consenting adults sip on coffee and discuss life. Your direct approach should impress her and show you off as a person who can take charge of things. If you ask her out directly, you can also figure out whether she reciprocates your feelings or not.

Best Wishes.

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
What you are experiencing may or may not be a crush...It's just the feeling of being able to be around girls for the first time. There is no need to jump at the very first instance. Take your time and actually start by being friends with girls and boys as well. Socially start to gain acceptance within yourself for who you are before playing into these feelings. One step at a time...the larger your friend circle, the easier it gets to actually stepping into unknown and unfamiliar zones.

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/