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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 06, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Arjun Question by Arjun on Jun 23, 2024Hindi
Money

Hlo I am 33 and married and I kid 2 yrs of age. Rs 40000 salary and I wish to retire in 50 advice me where I invest

Ans: ! I understand your situation and the goal to retire by 50. Kudos on starting your retirement planning early. Let's break this down step-by-step to ensure you have a clear path to achieve your retirement goals. Here’s a comprehensive guide to help you plan your investments wisely.

Current Financial Snapshot and Goals
Firstly, you have a salary of Rs. 40,000 per month. You are married and have a 2-year-old kid. Your goal is to retire at 50.

Creating a Solid Financial Foundation
Emergency Fund: Start by building an emergency fund. Aim for at least 6 months' worth of expenses. This fund should be easily accessible in case of unexpected expenses.

Health Insurance: Ensure you and your family have adequate health insurance. Medical emergencies can drain your savings, so having health coverage is essential.

Life Insurance: Protect your family with a term insurance policy. It's affordable and provides a financial safety net for your family.

Investment Strategy for Retirement
Mutual Funds: Investing in mutual funds is a great way to grow your wealth. They offer diversification and professional management.

Equity Mutual Funds: These are suitable for long-term goals like retirement. They have the potential for higher returns but come with higher risk. Given your retirement goal is 17 years away, equity mutual funds are a good fit.

Debt Mutual Funds: These are less volatile than equity funds and provide steady returns. They can be used for short-term goals and to balance your portfolio.

Advantages of Mutual Funds
Professional Management: Fund managers with expertise manage your investments.

Diversification: Your money is spread across various assets, reducing risk.

Liquidity: You can easily buy or sell mutual fund units.

Compounding: Reinvesting earnings can significantly grow your wealth over time.

Risk and Compounding in Mutual Funds
Mutual funds carry risks, especially equity funds, due to market volatility. However, staying invested for the long term can mitigate these risks. The power of compounding works best when investments are held for extended periods, allowing your returns to generate further returns.

Power of SIPs
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Investing through SIPs is a disciplined way to invest in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, averaging out the purchase cost and reducing the impact of market volatility.

Benefits of SIPs:

Rupee Cost Averaging: This helps in averaging the purchase cost, buying more units when prices are low and fewer when prices are high.

Compounding: Regular investments over time help in compounding your returns, leading to substantial wealth creation.

Asset Allocation
Equity and Debt Allocation: A balanced portfolio with both equity and debt mutual funds is ideal. As you get closer to retirement, gradually increase the debt component to reduce risk.

Asset Rebalancing: Periodically review and rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation.

Retirement Corpus Calculation
While specific calculations are not included, it's crucial to estimate your retirement corpus. Consider your current expenses, inflation, and life expectancy. A Certified Financial Planner (CFP) can assist in creating a detailed retirement plan tailored to your needs.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Direct vs Regular Funds: Investing in direct funds may seem cost-effective but requires active management and financial knowledge. Regular funds through a Mutual Fund Distributor (MFD) with CFP credentials offer professional guidance and management, which can be beneficial for achieving your goals.

Index Funds: While they offer lower expense ratios, they simply replicate the market index. Actively managed funds, on the other hand, aim to outperform the index through active management, potentially providing higher returns.

Setting Realistic Expectations
Market Volatility: Understand that markets fluctuate. Stay focused on your long-term goals and avoid reacting to short-term market movements.

Patience and Discipline: Investing is a marathon, not a sprint. Consistency, patience, and discipline are key to successful investing.

Regular Monitoring and Review
Portfolio Review: Regularly review your portfolio's performance. Ensure it aligns with your goals and make adjustments if needed.

Stay Informed: Keep yourself updated on financial news and trends. This helps in making informed decisions.

Educating Yourself
Financial Literacy: Improving your financial literacy can empower you to make better investment decisions. There are many resources available online to help you learn more about investing.

Setting Up a Retirement Plan
Retirement Goals: Define your retirement goals clearly. How much monthly income will you need post-retirement? What lifestyle do you envision?

Investing Accordingly: Based on your goals, allocate your investments. A combination of equity and debt mutual funds, along with other instruments like PPF, can help achieve a balanced and secure retirement plan.

Role of a Certified Financial Planner
Professional Guidance: A CFP can provide personalized advice based on your financial situation and goals. They can help you create a detailed retirement plan, optimize your investments, and ensure you're on track to meet your objectives.

Regular Check-ins: Regular consultations with a CFP can help you stay on course. They can assist in rebalancing your portfolio and adapting to any changes in your financial situation or goals.

Final Insights
Retiring at 50 is an ambitious goal, but with disciplined saving and investing, it's achievable. Start by building a solid financial foundation, then focus on growing your wealth through mutual funds. Regularly review and adjust your investments to stay aligned with your goals. Consider seeking the guidance of a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored retirement plan. Stay patient, disciplined, and focused on your long-term objectives.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 25, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 25, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir, I am 40 years old and working in IT company. My intake monthly salary is 1.10 lakh. I have 6L in PF, 2L in PPF, 4L in stocks, 3.5L in emergency fund inFD and 2.5L in cash. And I have 3L in MF with month sip in 4-4K in HDFC nifty 50 Index fund and HDFC multicap fund and 10k monthly in LIC. I have only 1 child 10 years old and I want to retire with 3-4 crore for my future expenses and for my child education and other things. I can now invest 60k monthly so plz guide me how can I achieve.
Ans: Your goal of accumulating Rs 3-4 crore for future expenses and your child’s education is both achievable and admirable. Given your current savings and investment profile, let’s explore how you can strategically allocate your resources to reach your financial targets.

Assessment of Your Current Financial Position
You have a well-diversified portfolio, which includes provident fund (PF), public provident fund (PPF), stocks, emergency funds in fixed deposits (FD), mutual funds (MF), and life insurance (LIC). Your monthly salary is Rs 1.10 lakh, and you are able to invest Rs 60,000 monthly. Here’s a summary of your current assets:

Provident Fund (PF): Rs 6 lakh
Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 2 lakh
Stocks: Rs 4 lakh
Emergency Fund in FD: Rs 3.5 lakh
Cash: Rs 2.5 lakh
Mutual Funds: Rs 3 lakh (with SIPs of Rs 4,000 each in HDFC Nifty 50 Index Fund and HDFC Multicap Fund)
LIC: Rs 10,000 monthly
Evaluating Your Investment Options
Mutual Funds: Actively Managed Funds
You already have investments in index funds and multicap funds. However, actively managed funds could offer better returns due to professional management and active stock selection.

Advantages of Actively Managed Funds:

Professional Management: Experts manage your investments, making strategic decisions to maximize returns.

Potential for Higher Returns: Actively managed funds aim to outperform the market.

Flexibility: Fund managers can quickly adapt to market changes.

Disadvantages of Index Funds:

Market-Linked Returns: Index funds merely replicate the market, lacking potential for higher returns.

No Active Management: Index funds don’t benefit from professional stock selection.

Given these points, consider allocating more to actively managed funds for potentially higher growth.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
SIP is a disciplined approach to investing. It helps in averaging out the cost of investment and reduces the impact of market volatility.

Advantages of SIP:

Rupee Cost Averaging: Reduces the impact of market volatility by averaging out the purchase cost.

Discipline: Ensures regular investment without worrying about market timing.

Compounding: Long-term SIPs benefit from the power of compounding.

You are already investing through SIPs, which is excellent. Increasing your SIP amounts can further accelerate your wealth creation.

Fixed Deposits (FD) for Emergency Fund
Your emergency fund in FD is well-placed for safety and liquidity.

Advantages of FD:

Safety: FDs are considered very safe.

Guaranteed Returns: FDs offer fixed and guaranteed interest rates.

Disadvantages of FD:

Lower Returns: FD returns are generally lower compared to mutual funds.

Inflation Risk: Returns may not keep up with inflation.

Ensure your emergency fund remains adequate but consider other investment avenues for higher returns on excess funds.

Stocks
Your investment in stocks shows a higher risk tolerance, which is beneficial for growth.

Advantages of Stocks:

High Returns: Stocks have the potential for high returns over the long term.

Ownership: Provides ownership in companies and benefits from their growth.

Disadvantages of Stocks:

Volatility: Stocks can be highly volatile and risky.

Time-Consuming: Requires constant monitoring and market knowledge.

Continue investing in stocks but balance this with safer options for risk management.

Strategic Allocation to Achieve Your Goal
To accumulate Rs 3-4 crore, you need a balanced approach that maximizes growth while managing risks.

Step 1: Increase SIP in Actively Managed Mutual Funds
Shift Focus: Allocate more funds to actively managed equity mutual funds instead of index funds.

Diversify: Invest in a mix of large-cap, mid-cap, and multi-cap funds for diversification.

Step 2: Maintain Adequate Emergency Fund
FD for Safety: Keep 6-12 months’ expenses in FD for emergency needs.

Liquid Funds: Consider liquid mutual funds for better returns with liquidity.

Step 3: Continue Investing in Stocks
Balanced Portfolio: Maintain a balanced portfolio of blue-chip and growth stocks.

Regular Review: Periodically review and rebalance your stock portfolio.

Step 4: Utilize PPF and PF Wisely
PPF Contributions: Continue contributing to PPF for tax benefits and safe returns.

PF Growth: Let your PF grow, benefiting from compounded returns.

Step 5: LIC and Insurance Planning
Review Policies: Ensure your LIC policy aligns with your financial goals.

Adequate Coverage: Ensure you have adequate life insurance coverage for your family’s security.
Insurance-cum-investment schemes
Insurance-cum-investment schemes (ULIPs, endowment plans) offer a one-stop solution for insurance and investment needs. However, they might not be the best choice for pure investment due to:
• Lower Potential Returns: Guaranteed returns are usually lower than what MFs can offer through market exposure.
• Higher Costs: Multiple fees in insurance plans (allocation charges, admin fees) can reduce returns compared to the expense ratio of MFs.
• Limited Flexibility: Lock-in periods restrict access to your money, whereas MFs provide more flexibility.
MFs, on the other hand, focus solely on investment and offer:
• Potentially Higher Returns: Investments in stocks and bonds can lead to higher growth compared to guaranteed returns.
• Lower Costs: Expense ratios in MFs are generally lower than the multiple fees in insurance plans.
• Greater Control: You have a wider range of investment options and control over asset allocation to suit your risk appetite.
Consider your goals!
• Need life insurance? Term Insurance plans might be suitable.
• Focus on growing wealth? MFs might be a better option due to their flexibility and return potential.

Planning for Child’s Education and Retirement
Your child’s education and your retirement are your primary goals. Here’s a strategy to address both.

Child’s Education
Education Fund: Start a dedicated fund for your child’s education with equity mutual funds for growth.

Systematic Transfers: As your child approaches college age, systematically transfer funds to safer investments.

Retirement Planning
Retirement Corpus: Focus on building a retirement corpus through a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.

Regular Review: Review your retirement plan annually and adjust contributions as needed.

Estimating Future Value
While specific calculations are beyond this scope, a financial calculator or a Certified Financial Planner can help estimate the future value of your investments. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your strategy is essential to stay on track.

Final Thoughts and Recommendations
Your current financial discipline is commendable. To achieve your goal of Rs 3-4 crore, continue your SIPs, focus on actively managed funds, and maintain a diversified portfolio. Balance risk and safety through strategic asset allocation.

Thank you for seeking my guidance. Your proactive approach to securing your financial future and your child’s education is admirable. Feel free to reach out for further personalized advice.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 23, 2024

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Hi sir Right now I am 22 my current salary is 22k and i want to retire at the age of 50 suggest some best MF to invest
Ans: Planning for retirement at the age of 50 is a commendable goal. Given your current salary of Rs. 22,000 per month, it's important to start early and choose the right investment strategy. Here's a detailed guide to help you.

Setting Up Your Investment Plan
Assessing Your Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus: Calculate the amount you need by 50. Factor in inflation and your lifestyle needs.

Savings Rate: Aim to save a significant portion of your salary. Start with at least 20% and increase it over time.

Creating a Monthly Budget
Track Expenses: Monitor your monthly expenses. Identify areas where you can save more.

Emergency Fund: Build an emergency fund. This should cover at least 6 months of your expenses.

Choosing the Right Mutual Funds
Equity Mutual Funds
Large-Cap Funds: These invest in large, stable companies. They provide steady growth with moderate risk.

Mid-Cap Funds: These invest in medium-sized companies. They offer higher growth potential but with more risk.

Small-Cap Funds: These invest in smaller companies. They have the highest growth potential but come with high risk.

Hybrid Mutual Funds
Aggressive Hybrid Funds: These have a mix of equity and debt. They balance risk and return, suitable for long-term goals.

Conservative Hybrid Funds: These have more debt than equity. They are less risky and suitable for conservative investors.

Debt Mutual Funds
Short-Term Debt Funds: These are less volatile and provide stable returns. Suitable for conservative investors.

Corporate Bond Funds: These invest in high-rated corporate bonds. They offer better returns compared to government bonds.

Benefits of Regular Funds Over Direct Funds
Disadvantages of Direct Funds
Lack of Professional Guidance: Direct funds do not offer advisory services. This can lead to suboptimal investment decisions.

Time-Consuming: Managing direct investments requires significant time and effort.

Advantages of Regular Funds
Expert Advice: Investing through a Certified Financial Planner provides professional advice. They help in selecting and managing your investments.

Ongoing Support: Regular funds come with continuous support. This includes portfolio reviews and rebalancing.

Investment Strategy
Start with SIPs
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Invest a fixed amount monthly in chosen mutual funds. This helps in averaging out the cost and reducing risk.
Increase Investment Over Time
Step-Up SIPs: Increase your SIP amount annually. This ensures your investment grows with your salary.
Monitoring and Rebalancing
Regular Reviews
Quarterly Reviews: Review your portfolio every quarter. This helps in keeping track of performance and making necessary adjustments.

Rebalancing: Adjust your portfolio based on market conditions and your changing risk profile.

Final Insights
Starting early is key to building a substantial retirement corpus. Investing in a mix of equity, hybrid, and debt funds can help you achieve your goal. Ensure you seek advice from a Certified Financial Planner for professional guidance.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 03, 2024

Money
Hlo I am 33 and married and I have a kid 2 yrs of age.Rs 40000 salary and I wish to retire in 50 advice me where I invest.
Ans: You are 33 years old with a monthly salary of Rs. 40,000. You are married and have a 2-year-old child. You want to retire at 50, which means you have 17 years to build a solid retirement corpus.

Analyzing Current Financial Situation
Let's start by analyzing your current financial situation.

Income and Expenses

Monthly Salary: Rs. 40,000
Monthly Expenses: To be determined (Let's assume it's Rs. 30,000 for now)
Assuming your monthly expenses are Rs. 30,000, you have a monthly surplus of Rs. 10,000 which can be directed towards investments.

Setting Financial Goals
Retirement Corpus

Goal: Build a retirement corpus to sustain your lifestyle post-retirement.
Child's Education and Marriage

Goal: Accumulate enough funds for your child's education and marriage.
Emergency Fund

Goal: Maintain an emergency fund to cover 6-12 months of expenses.
Building Your Investment Portfolio
1. Emergency Fund
First, you need to build an emergency fund. An emergency fund should cover at least 6-12 months of your expenses.

Monthly Expenses: Rs. 30,000
Emergency Fund Required: Rs. 1,80,000 - Rs. 3,60,000
Start by setting aside a portion of your monthly surplus until you have built a sufficient emergency fund.

2. Retirement Planning
To achieve your retirement goal, you need to start investing systematically. Here’s a breakdown of how you can allocate your investments:

A. Mutual Funds

Mutual funds are a great way to build wealth over the long term. Here are some categories to consider:

Equity Mutual Funds: These funds invest in stocks and have the potential for high returns. They are suitable for long-term goals like retirement.
Debt Mutual Funds: These funds invest in fixed income securities and provide stable returns. They are suitable for short to medium-term goals.
B. Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)

A SIP is a disciplined way of investing in mutual funds. It allows you to invest a fixed amount regularly, thereby averaging the cost of investment and reducing risk.

Equity SIP: Start a SIP in equity mutual funds for your long-term goals. Considering your age and risk appetite, you can allocate a higher percentage to equity funds.
Debt SIP: Start a SIP in debt mutual funds for your short to medium-term goals.
C. Public Provident Fund (PPF)

PPF is a government-backed savings scheme that offers tax benefits and attractive returns. It has a lock-in period of 15 years, making it suitable for long-term goals like retirement.

Open a PPF account and invest regularly. You can invest up to Rs. 1.5 lakhs per year in PPF.
3. Child's Education and Marriage
A. Child Education Fund

Start a dedicated fund for your child's education. Given the time horizon, equity mutual funds can be a good option.

Open a SIP in an equity mutual fund dedicated to your child's education.
B. Child Marriage Fund

Similarly, start a fund for your child's marriage. You can use a mix of equity and debt mutual funds.

Open a SIP in a hybrid mutual fund for your child's marriage.
Diversifying Your Investments
Diversification is key to managing risk and ensuring steady returns. Here’s how you can diversify your investments:

Equity Mutual Funds: High growth potential but higher risk. Suitable for long-term goals.
Debt Mutual Funds: Stable returns with lower risk. Suitable for short to medium-term goals.
PPF: Government-backed with tax benefits. Suitable for long-term goals.
Gold: Acts as a hedge against inflation. Allocate a small portion of your portfolio to gold.
Risk Management
A. Insurance

Ensure you have adequate insurance coverage to protect your family’s financial future.

Term Insurance: Provides financial security to your family in case of your untimely demise.
Health Insurance: Covers medical expenses and protects your savings.
B. Emergency Fund

Maintain an emergency fund to cover unexpected expenses. This provides financial stability and peace of mind.

Tax Planning
Maximize tax-saving investments to reduce your tax liability and boost your savings.

Section 80C: Invest in PPF, ELSS, and other tax-saving instruments to avail tax benefits under Section 80C.
Section 80D: Avail tax benefits on health insurance premiums under Section 80D.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Financial planning is an ongoing process. Regularly review and adjust your investment portfolio to ensure it aligns with your financial goals and risk tolerance.

Annual Review: Review your financial plan at least once a year.
Adjust Investments: Adjust your investments based on changes in your financial goals, market conditions, and risk tolerance.
Final Insights
Achieving your retirement goal at 50 requires disciplined saving and investing. Here are some final insights to help you stay on track:

Start Early: The earlier you start investing, the more time your money has to grow.
Be Disciplined: Stick to your investment plan and avoid unnecessary expenditures.
Diversify: Diversify your investments to manage risk and ensure steady returns.
Seek Professional Advice: Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized financial advice.
By following this comprehensive financial plan, you can achieve economic independence and ensure a comfortable retirement.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 27, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Unable to figure out what to do. Shouls i proceed for divorce? And if yes how? Here is my story: This is a long post. But i might have still missed few small instances in between. So I got married on October 3, 2022. Our conversation started through the Jeevansathi app, but the actual conversation began in July 2022 when her father contacted me. The first contact was from their side. At that time, I was returning to Chennai from Ongole by train when I received her father's call. He asked about my job and other details, to which I mentioned that I work for SBI in Tamil Nadu. After that, our conversation started. In the early days, the conversation was really good, and she spoke very well. Later, I visited their house with my mother. During the conversation there, she mentioned that many proposals had come before, but she hadn't been able to decide. One proposal was from a guy with a package of 30 lakh, but she clearly said that money doesn’t matter to her; she wanted a good person. During that meeting, I mentioned that I am a simple person, and my family consists of only my mother and me. I also clarified that due to my job, I could be transferred. After that meeting, we did the formal engagement. Later, we brought sweets from Haldiram, and that was when our engagement was officially recognized. After that, our conversations continued regularly. For a while, everything was fine, but then we started arguing over small things. Once, I told her that I meditate, and she said, "Meditation is something foolish people do, it doesn’t help." This led to an argument. I also mentioned that if we have children, we should send them to good universities like Harvard or Oxford, and this too led to an argument, as she felt we shouldn't put pressure on children to earn money. Then came the topic of money. I shared my salary slip and explained how both working and saving money are important because expenses are high. However, she said, "Saving money is foolish, everyone lives paycheck to paycheck nowadays." I tried to explain the importance of savings, but our discussions continued to be challenging. At one point, she said she wouldn’t wear sindoor or the mangalsutra. I told her that there was no need to wear it every day, just on special occasions. I agreed with this. As the arguments increased, I spoke to her father and mentioned that maybe she didn’t want to marry me. But her father reassured me that it wasn’t true, and they would talk to her. After that, things seemed normal for a while, but small arguments kept happening. In August 2022, I visited her again. I thought we could spend some time together and understand each other better. We went to Aerocity, where we had pizza and roamed around. After that, we went to Radisson Hotel on 27th July 2022, and our engagement was finalized. Over these two months, our communication continued, and eventually, on October 2, 2022, we had our engagement ceremony, and on October 3, 2022, we got married. After the wedding, we planned a honeymoon. Initially, she wanted to go to Vaishno Devi, so I took her there by Vande Bharat Express. Her uncle arranged VIP darshan. We walked up, but on the way back, her legs started hurting, so we rode a horse. After sitting on the horse for a long time, she had back pain. I reached the hotel, tried to soothe her pain by soaking her legs in hot water, and then we slept. After that, we planned to go to Udaipur. We took a SpiceJet flight there and booked a hotel near Fatehpur Sagar Lake. She wanted a lake-view room, but it wasn’t available. She argued with the staff, and we had to move to another hotel at night. The environment there wasn’t great, but she chose it. During our visit to Udaipur Fort, she suddenly said she wouldn’t go to the restaurant with me and would go home alone. I still don’t understand the reason behind this. From that point, my behavior towards her changed. After Udaipur, we planned to go to Agra. There, she suddenly accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened to teach me a lesson. I asked her where this thought came from, but she didn’t answer. In July and August 2022, I visited her again. We traveled together and tried to understand each other better, but she never told me much about herself. After the wedding, I visited her during Diwali. She was happy initially, but gradually she became distant and stopped talking much. She wasn’t involved in decorating the house or participating in the Diwali puja. She remained absorbed in her own world, talking to her parents or I don’t know who else, while distancing herself from me. She needed reasons to fight, while I tried to stay calm, as it was a new marriage. On October 25, 2022, I returned to Chennai, and she came to Chennai a few days later. My mother also arrived in Chennai on October 26, and she stayed with us in Chennai until December. During this time, she started fighting over every little thing. She complained about who would do the housework and kept accusing me of not having enough money. She suggested hiring someone for cleaning, even though my mother and I managed it well. Then she refused to sleep with me, and we didn’t have any physical intimacy. Whenever she fought with me, she tried to belittle me. In January, she went back to Delhi, and I went to convince her to come back in January. During Lohri, I gave her a sari and gifts, but she still didn’t talk to me properly. She treated me very badly and didn’t want to stay with us. She fought with me several times and went back to her house. In February 2023, she came to Chennai again, but things were still not right between us. In April 2024, she came back to stay with me, but the very next day, the fights started again. She accused me of having an affair with another girl and threatened me. She destroyed things in the house, broke dishes and glasses, and created a mess. When I told her mother about this, she advised me to send her back. I booked her flight, and on April 7, 2024, she left. Since then, she has not been living with me. After that, I worked hard to bring her back. It was September when I managed to convince her to come. I tried to make her stay with me, but she stayed only for 4-5 days. On the 5th day, she started fighting again and decided to leave. She went to the railway station and sat there, saying, "I cannot live with you." We argued that night, and she left the house, shouting abuses at me and went back to her home. She thought everything would be fine, but when I tried talking to her, she started blaming me for not wanting her to stay with me.
Ans: It sounds like you've tried very hard to make this marriage work, but your wife has been emotionally distant, hostile, and unwilling to engage in a meaningful relationship. From what you’ve shared, there have been continuous conflicts, false accusations, and a lack of physical and emotional connection. It seems like she is not interested in making the relationship work, and her behavior—leaving multiple times, refusing intimacy, and fighting constantly—suggests deep incompatibility.

Before making a final decision, ask yourself: Is there anything left to salvage? Do you still love her and believe this marriage has hope if both of you genuinely try? Or do you feel exhausted and trapped in a cycle of disappointment and rejection? If you feel there is nothing left, then divorce may be the healthiest option for your peace of mind and future happiness.

If you decide to proceed with divorce, start by seeking legal counsel. In India, divorce can be mutual or contested. If she agrees, a mutual consent divorce is the easiest way. If she does not, you may need to file on grounds of cruelty or irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Gather evidence of her behavior—messages, incidents, and anything that proves your case.

This is not an easy decision, but your mental health and self-respect matter. If she is unwilling to change or make efforts, you should not have to live in constant conflict. Do you think she would agree to a mutual separation, or would she fight it?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 29, 2025
Relationship
Hello Ma'am, I've a crush on a girl from my in laws. Inspite of avoiding etc I go specifically in that gathering where she's likely to be. I've not told it to anyone, neither does she know about it. I keep on masturbating imagining her. I know I'll never do any silly thing or let anyone know about it. Im married happily and 20 years elder to her.
Ans: It’s good that you are self-aware and acknowledging your feelings rather than acting on them impulsively. Having a crush, even in a committed relationship, is something that happens to many people—it’s human nature. However, since this involves someone from your in-laws and is significantly younger, it’s important to address these emotions in a way that aligns with your values and the commitments you’ve made to your marriage.

Right now, your mind is reinforcing this attraction by seeking out opportunities to be around her and fantasizing about her. The more you indulge in these thoughts, the stronger the emotional pull becomes. Avoiding her entirely may not be realistic, but reducing intentional exposure—such as seeking out gatherings just to be near her—can help weaken the attachment over time.

Instead of suppressing your feelings, redirect that energy into your marriage. What is it about her that attracts you? Is it youthfulness, attention, admiration, or just the thrill of something new? Whatever it is, find ways to bring those qualities into your relationship with your wife. Sometimes, an outside attraction is just a signal that something in your own life needs attention or excitement.

You’ve already made it clear to yourself that you won’t act on this, which shows maturity and self-control. The next step is breaking the mental cycle that feeds into the attraction. Engage in hobbies, meaningful conversations with your spouse, and self-reflection to understand what this infatuation represents. Over time, these feelings will lose their intensity as you shift your focus.

Do you think this crush is filling a certain emotional gap in your life, or is it purely an infatuation with no deeper meaning?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

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Relationship
Me and my wife don't get along well...She thinks my family members are not good enough, so she has no relationship with them. Earlier I was not in good shape due to my friend's circle and did not give quality time to my wife when we got married. A few years back there was a misunderstanding between both families. Mistakes were from both sides. Now my in-laws and wife do speak to any member of our family and have broken all relationships. This is for the past several years since they have stopped talking. My father is a cancer patient and wants to come and stay with me. He is 80 now but my wife is deadly against this though I have not discussed this yet with her. I need your guidance as to how to handle this situation and restore a good relationship between both families. My mother-in-law had fought with me in the past as well and held me responsible for her daughter's plight. My wife is very secretive and does not reveal anything be it about her salary/job etc. I am fed up and now I have started to think of separating if she does not allow my father to stay with me. Our marriage is almost 24 years now. I am 50 and she is in her late 40's....I want to get these things right and maintain a good relationship between both families. Kindly advise
Ans: Dear Trilok,
From what you’ve shared, it sounds like past misunderstandings between both families have turned into a long-standing rift. It’s understandable that you want to fix things and create harmony, but the resistance from your wife and in-laws makes it complicated. Before addressing the larger family conflict, the first step is to work on communication with your wife. You mentioned that earlier in the marriage, you weren’t able to give her enough quality time due to personal struggles. Do you think she still holds on to resentment from that time? If so, addressing those unresolved emotions could be a starting point for rebuilding some connection.

Since she is very secretive, it’s possible that she also feels disconnected from you in some way. Instead of making the father-staying discussion an immediate confrontation, try to understand her underlying fears. Is she worried about responsibilities, space, or past issues with your family? Bringing this up as a conversation about caregiving rather than a demand might help.

If her resistance is absolute and she refuses to even consider it, you’ll have to decide how much compromise you’re willing to make for the sake of your marriage. If you feel separation is a real possibility, ask yourself whether the relationship still has a foundation worth saving or if both of you have simply grown too far apart.

Would she be open to counseling or mediation? Sometimes a third party can help break the cycle of blame and secrecy. Do you feel that she still values this marriage, or has she emotionally distanced herself completely?

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Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |525 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7828 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Feb 04, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 28, 2025Hindi
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Money
I want to retire by 2026. Current financials - MF 2cr value, equity- 5cr, 2 own homes, bank FD - 20L, Savings a/c - 90L, no loans, 2 vehicles, 2 daughters employed, marriageable age. Current expenses - 1.5lacs/month. How do I plan to retire by March 2026.
Ans: Your financial position is strong. Planning for retirement in March 2026 is realistic.

Assessing Your Retirement Readiness
Your total investments and savings exceed Rs 8 crore.
You have no loans, ensuring financial stability.
Your monthly expenses are Rs 1.5 lakh, which requires proper planning.
Creating a Secure Retirement Corpus
Maintain Rs 90 lakh in a savings account only for short-term needs.
Keep Rs 20 lakh in FD for emergency expenses.
Use a mix of mutual funds and equities for long-term wealth growth.
Managing Monthly Expenses Post-Retirement
Use Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWP) from mutual funds for a regular income.
Keep a portion of your corpus in debt investments to ensure stability.
Adjust your investment strategy based on inflation and expenses.
Planning for Major Future Expenses
Daughters' weddings need a dedicated investment plan.
Allocate a portion of low-risk investments for this goal.
Avoid withdrawing from equity investments unnecessarily.
Final Insights
Your financial standing supports early retirement.
Ensure liquidity while keeping long-term investments intact.
Work with a Certified Financial Planner for detailed execution.
Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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