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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 03, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Asked by Anonymous - May 28, 2024Hindi
Money

Hii Sir, Private bank employee,with a monthly salary of 1.10 lacs ,want to retire early at the age 45 , present age 36 yrs. Need monthly income of 2 lacs after retirement ,also need corpus of 2 cr for my daughter education and marriage ,daughter age is 3 yrs now. Investment details. Sip 17000 monthly since last 8 yrs with a total balance as on date is 23 lacs ,and in share market 1.5 lacs invested. Fixed deposit of 20 lacs and 21 lacs in Mis at bank from there I am getting 16 k monthly . In ppf investment 5 thousand monthly since last 3 yrs.total fund available 2.10 lacs. In lic Yearly 1.55 lacs investment since last 10 yrs . Rd of Rs 15000 monthly. Kindly suggest

Ans: Early Retirement Planning for a Private Bank Employee

Retiring early is an admirable and ambitious goal. It requires a well-thought-out strategy. As a Certified Financial Planner, I understand your aspirations. Let's analyse your current financial situation and explore ways to achieve your goals.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
Your current financial landscape includes various investments. You have SIPs, shares, fixed deposits, MIS, PPF, LIC, and recurring deposits.

SIP (Systematic Investment Plan): Rs 17,000 monthly for the past 8 years, totalling Rs 23 lakhs.

Share Market: Rs 1.5 lakhs invested.

Fixed Deposits: Rs 20 lakhs.

Monthly Income Scheme (MIS): Rs 21 lakhs, generating Rs 16,000 monthly.

Public Provident Fund (PPF): Rs 5,000 monthly for 3 years, totalling Rs 2.1 lakhs.

LIC Policies: Rs 1.55 lakhs yearly for the past 10 years.

Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 15,000 monthly.

Understanding your financial assets helps in forming a comprehensive retirement strategy.

Evaluating Your Retirement and Future Goals
You plan to retire at 45, requiring Rs 2 lakhs monthly post-retirement. Additionally, you need a corpus of Rs 2 crores for your daughter's education and marriage.

Monthly Income Requirement:
Post-retirement, you need Rs 2 lakhs monthly. This will require a substantial corpus to generate that income without exhausting your funds.

Daughter’s Education and Marriage Corpus:
You need Rs 2 crores in 15 years for your daughter's education and marriage. This needs careful planning and investment.

Investment Analysis and Recommendations
Based on your goals, let's discuss the strengths and potential adjustments to your current investment strategy.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs)
SIPs are a disciplined way of investing. Your consistent investment of Rs 17,000 monthly over 8 years is commendable. However, consider increasing the SIP amount as your salary grows to enhance your corpus.

Share Market Investments
Investing in the share market can yield high returns but also carries risks. Diversifying your portfolio with a mix of blue-chip and growth stocks could be beneficial. It's important to regularly review and rebalance your portfolio.

Fixed Deposits and MIS
Fixed deposits and MIS provide stability and regular income. However, they offer lower returns compared to other investment options. Consider reallocating a portion to higher-yielding investments for better growth.

Public Provident Fund (PPF)
PPF is a secure investment with tax benefits. Continue your monthly contributions, but also explore other tax-efficient options to complement this.

Life Insurance Policies (LIC)
LIC policies offer safety but often lower returns. Assess the performance of these policies. If they underperform, consider redirecting funds to more lucrative options.

Recurring Deposits (RD)
RDs offer moderate returns with low risk. They are good for short-term goals. For long-term growth, consider shifting some funds to equity mutual funds.

Strategic Financial Adjustments
To meet your early retirement and future goals, consider the following strategic adjustments:

Increase SIP Contributions:
Boost your SIP contributions regularly. This leverages the power of compounding, enhancing your corpus significantly over time.

Diversify Investments:
Diversify across asset classes. This spreads risk and can improve returns. Balance your portfolio with equity, debt, and alternative investments.

Active Fund Management:
While index funds have their place, actively managed funds can outperform in dynamic markets. They provide the potential for higher returns through professional fund management.

Professional Guidance:
Consult a Certified Financial Planner. They provide tailored advice, helping you navigate complex financial decisions and optimise your investment strategy.

Planning for Post-Retirement Income
To generate Rs 2 lakhs monthly post-retirement, consider the following:

Annuity Products:
Avoid these due to low returns. Instead, focus on investments that provide better growth and regular income.

Mutual Funds and SWPs:
Systematic Withdrawal Plans (SWPs) from mutual funds can provide regular income. They offer flexibility and potential for capital appreciation.

Equity and Debt Allocation:
Maintain a balanced allocation between equity and debt. This ensures stability while providing growth potential.

Planning for Daughter’s Education and Marriage
Achieving a Rs 2 crore corpus in 15 years requires disciplined investing. Here’s a plan:

Dedicated Investment Plan:
Create a dedicated investment plan for your daughter’s future needs. This can include a mix of equity and debt funds tailored for long-term growth.

Regular Reviews and Adjustments:
Regularly review your investments. Adjust as needed based on market conditions and performance.

Leverage Tax Benefits:
Utilise tax-efficient investments to maximise returns. This helps in growing your corpus without eroding gains through taxes.

Summary and Next Steps
Achieving early retirement and securing your daughter’s future is challenging but attainable with strategic planning. Increase your SIP contributions, diversify investments, and consult a Certified Financial Planner for personalised advice.

Your commitment to your financial goals is impressive. With careful planning and disciplined investing, you can achieve financial freedom and secure your family’s future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jul 08, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jul 07, 2024Hindi
Money
Hi, I’m 45 years old and working with private sector Bank. Having 2 kinds (son 15 years and daughter 12 years old). Planning to retire at the age of 55 and need to plan monthly income of 1.25 L. Kindly advise me better plan Current take home – 1.6 L PF balance – 35L (Monthly contribution – 19000k plus VPF – 9500) MF – 15L (Monthly 40K – equity and small cap) RD – (monthly 10K) FD – 3L Post office Sukanya Samriddhi scheme – 12.5 k monthly contribution Housing Loan – 12 L outstanding (Monthly 10K)
Ans: First, kudos to you for proactively planning your retirement. Managing your finances while working in a demanding job and planning for your kids' future is admirable. Let’s break down your situation and create a comprehensive plan to achieve your retirement goals.

Current Financial Snapshot
You are 45 years old and planning to retire at 55. Here’s a snapshot of your current finances:

Current Take Home Salary: Rs 1.6 lakh
Provident Fund (PF) Balance: Rs 35 lakh (Monthly contribution: Rs 19,000 plus VPF: Rs 9,500)
Mutual Funds (MF): Rs 15 lakh (Monthly SIP: Rs 40,000 in equity and small-cap funds)
Recurring Deposit (RD): Rs 10,000 monthly
Fixed Deposit (FD): Rs 3 lakh
Post Office Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme: Rs 12,500 monthly contribution
Housing Loan Outstanding: Rs 12 lakh (Monthly EMI: Rs 10,000)
Two Children: Son (15 years), Daughter (12 years)
Prioritizing Financial Goals
Retirement Planning
Children’s Education and Future
Early Loan Repayment
Let's dive deeper into each goal.

Retirement Planning
Retiring at 55 with a monthly income of Rs 1.25 lakh requires careful planning. Here’s how you can achieve this:

Evaluate Your Investments
You have a solid foundation with your PF, mutual funds, and other savings. To enhance your retirement corpus, diversification and strategic allocation are key.

Power of Compounding
Mutual funds, especially equity funds, leverage the power of compounding. By investing regularly and staying invested long-term, you can grow your wealth significantly.

Diversification of Mutual Funds
It's essential to diversify your mutual funds portfolio. Here’s how you can spread your investments:

Large-Cap Funds: Invest in well-established companies for stability.
Mid-Cap Funds: Invest in medium-sized companies with higher growth potential.
Small-Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies for high returns but higher risk.
Balanced or Hybrid Funds: These funds mix equity and debt, balancing risk and return.
Increase SIP Contributions
Given your current salary, you can increase your SIP contributions. Allocating more towards diversified mutual funds will help you build a substantial retirement corpus.

Review and Adjust Your Portfolio
Regularly review your portfolio to ensure it aligns with your retirement goals. Adjust allocations based on market conditions and personal circumstances.

Children’s Education and Future
Planning for your children's education and future expenses is crucial. Here’s how to secure their future:

Dedicated Education Fund
Create a separate education fund for your kids. Equity mutual funds can be a good option due to their long-term growth potential.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Set up SIPs in mutual funds specifically for your children's education. This ensures you have a substantial corpus when needed.

Early Loan Repayment
Reducing your debt burden before retirement is vital. Here’s how you can tackle your housing loan effectively:

Lump-Sum Payments
Whenever you receive a bonus or any unexpected income, consider making lump-sum payments towards your housing loan. This reduces your principal amount and overall interest burden.

Prepaying with RD and FD Maturities
As your RDs and FDs mature, use a portion to prepay your housing loan. This strategy can significantly reduce your EMI burden and loan tenure.

Evaluating Current Investments
Provident Fund (PF)
Your PF balance is a significant asset for your retirement. Continue with your monthly contributions and VPF to maximize this benefit.

Mutual Funds (MF)
Your current mutual fund investment of Rs 15 lakh and monthly SIP of Rs 40,000 is a good start. Increase your SIPs to enhance this corpus. Diversify across different categories for balanced growth.

Recurring Deposit (RD) and Fixed Deposit (FD)
RDs and FDs provide safety but relatively lower returns. Consider gradually shifting some funds from RDs and FDs to higher-yielding investments like mutual funds.

Post Office Sukanya Samriddhi Scheme
Your contribution of Rs 12,500 monthly towards this scheme is commendable. It’s a secure way to save for your daughter's future.

Insurance Coverage
Life Insurance
Ensure your life insurance cover is sufficient to cover any outstanding liabilities and your family's needs in case of any eventuality. Reviewing your coverage periodically is essential.

Health Insurance
Ensure your family health insurance cover is adequate. Regularly review it to meet rising healthcare costs.

Strategic Investment Allocation
Here’s a suggested allocation for your additional investments:

Increase SIPs in Mutual Funds: Allocate a significant portion of your savings towards diversified equity mutual funds.
Prepay Housing Loan: Use RD and FD maturities and any surplus funds for lump-sum payments towards your housing loan.
Dedicated Education Fund: Set up separate SIPs for your children's education.
Regular Review and Adjustment
Review your financial plan regularly. Adjust your investments and savings based on changes in your financial situation and market conditions. Consulting with a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) periodically can help ensure you’re on track to meet your goals.

Final Insights
Balancing long-term goals like retirement, medium-term goals like children’s education, and short-term goals like early loan repayment is key. By diversifying your investments, making strategic loan prepayments, and saving diligently, you can achieve financial stability and enjoy a comfortable retirement at 55.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7510 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 28, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 27, 2024Hindi
Money
Hello Sir I am 46 year old. I have wife and 2 kids . Daughter is going for study at abroad, son is in 9 th . Following is my investment and loan . Home loan 25 L remaining emi 24 K , Car loan 3 L remaining emi 8 K. Investment 77 L FD , 18 L mutual fund ( 50 K per month) , epf 76 L , ppf 30 L, other gold/ shares 4 L and 3.4 L NSC post office. I earn 2 L per month and my wife 55 K . We require for daughter eduction 7 L per annum for next 6 years and son education after 4 year may be 7 L for 4 years. We want retirement at 55 with 1.5 L per month please suggest how to achieve this
Ans: You have a strong financial foundation. Your income, combined with your wife’s, is Rs. 2.55 lakh per month. You have a diversified investment portfolio, including fixed deposits, mutual funds, EPF, PPF, gold, shares, and NSC. Your loan obligations are Rs. 25 lakh on your home loan and Rs. 3 lakh on your car loan, with EMIs of Rs. 24,000 and Rs. 8,000, respectively.

Your daughter's education costs will be Rs. 7 lakh annually for the next six years. Your son's education will require Rs. 7 lakh annually starting in four years for a period of four years. Additionally, you plan to retire at 55, with a desired monthly income of Rs. 1.5 lakh.

Financial Goals
1. Funding Education Expenses

Your immediate priority is securing funds for your children's education. For your daughter, you need Rs. 42 lakh over six years. For your son, you need Rs. 28 lakh starting in four years. These goals are crucial and require a robust plan.

2. Retirement Planning

You wish to retire at 55, with a target of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month. With nine years to retirement, it's essential to align your investments to ensure this target is met.

3. Loan Repayment

Paying off your home and car loans will free up cash flow, which can be redirected to other investments.

Strategic Financial Planning
1. Optimizing Loan Repayment

Home Loan: You have Rs. 25 lakh remaining on your home loan. With an EMI of Rs. 24,000, the remaining tenure is likely long. Consider prepaying a portion of this loan. Prepayment will reduce the tenure and save interest. You could use a part of your FD to do this. This action will free up Rs. 24,000 per month in the future.

Car Loan: The outstanding amount is Rs. 3 lakh with an EMI of Rs. 8,000. Given the smaller loan size, it’s advisable to pay this off early. You could use your savings or FD for this. This will free up Rs. 8,000 per month.

2. Investment Strategy for Education

Daughter’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for six years will need Rs. 42 lakh. You already have Rs. 77 lakh in FD, which is a safe option. However, considering inflation, it’s wise to ensure that these funds are not only secure but also growing. You might want to move some of these funds into a balanced mutual fund or a debt mutual fund. This will offer a better return than FD while still being relatively low-risk.

Son’s Education: Rs. 7 lakh per annum for four years, starting in four years, will require Rs. 28 lakh. You have time to grow this fund. Continue your current SIPs and consider increasing the amount. Mid-cap and small-cap funds can provide higher returns, but they come with higher risk. Since you have time, a mix of equity mutual funds is advisable.

3. Retirement Planning

Current Savings: Your EPF (Rs. 76 lakh) and PPF (Rs. 30 lakh) are solid foundations. Continue contributing to them. Additionally, your Rs. 18 lakh in mutual funds should continue growing. With Rs. 50,000 per month in SIPs, your portfolio will grow significantly over the next nine years.

Diversifying Investments: To achieve Rs. 1.5 lakh per month in retirement, you’ll need a combination of safe and growth-oriented investments. Continue with mutual funds but consider adding debt funds and conservative hybrid funds as you near retirement. This will protect your corpus from market volatility.

4. Building a Contingency Fund

Emergency Savings: With your current income, you should set aside at least six months' worth of expenses in a liquid fund. This would be about Rs. 18 lakh. Your FDs could partially serve this purpose, but you might also consider a separate contingency fund.
5. Health and Insurance Coverage

Health Insurance: Ensure you have adequate health insurance coverage for your entire family. Medical costs can be a significant burden, especially in retirement. If your current coverage is below Rs. 10-20 lakh, consider enhancing it.

Life Insurance: Review your life insurance needs. Your outstanding loans and future obligations mean you should have sufficient coverage. A term plan is the most cost-effective way to secure this.

Detailed Financial Recommendations
1. Education Funding

Daughter’s Education: Allocate Rs. 7 lakh per annum from your FD. Invest the remaining FD in a balanced mutual fund to keep pace with inflation. This approach balances safety and growth.

Son’s Education: Use your mutual fund SIPs to build this corpus. Consider increasing your SIPs if possible, to ensure you have Rs. 28 lakh by the time he needs it.

2. Prepay Loans

Home Loan: Consider prepaying Rs. 10-15 lakh from your FD. This will significantly reduce your loan tenure and interest burden.

Car Loan: Clear this loan as soon as possible. Use Rs. 3 lakh from your savings or FD to eliminate this EMI. This will increase your monthly cash flow.

3. Retirement Investments

Continue EPF and PPF Contributions: These are your safest investments. Ensure you’re maxing out your PPF contributions annually.

Increase Equity Exposure: Continue with your Rs. 50,000 SIPs. As you get closer to retirement, shift part of your portfolio to less volatile funds. This could include conservative hybrid funds or large-cap funds.

Explore Debt Funds: As you near retirement, consider moving a portion of your mutual fund corpus into debt funds. These provide stability and regular income, which aligns with your retirement goals.

4. Emergency Fund and Insurance

Create a Contingency Fund: Set aside Rs. 18 lakh for emergencies. This fund should be easily accessible, like in a liquid mutual fund.

Review Health Insurance: Ensure your family’s health insurance is adequate. Top up if necessary to cover Rs. 10-20 lakh per person.

Secure Life Insurance: Ensure you have a term insurance plan that covers your outstanding loans and future financial responsibilities.

Final Insights
You have a solid foundation, but optimizing your investments and managing your loans will help you achieve your financial goals. Prioritize your children's education, as these are immediate and significant expenses. Simultaneously, work towards clearing your loans to free up cash flow. Your retirement goal of Rs. 1.5 lakh per month is achievable with disciplined investing and strategic planning. Regularly review your financial plan, adjust as necessary, and keep your goals in focus.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

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Dating, Relationships Expert - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

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Hello sir/ma'am, i am 24 yrs old and my boy friend 25 yrs old.I met him in a friendly chat app .We were talking on calls,texting and video calls and met each other in real after a 1 yr of relationship.He is the first guy and love in my life and want to marry him.I even made my family to agree for our marriage.He too says he loves me so much and has imagined his life with me and want to marry me.He even told his parents will stick on to whatever he says.He hasn't yet conveyed to his parents yet and told he will introduce to them after his younger sister marriage.We both are students still. I recently found that,he goes to the chat apps again and chats to other girls.When i asked ..he told just friends and even questioned me saying don't u have guy friends? and don't u meet them?....i told him u r the first guy n i dont have any. When our relationship has gone till marriage...why is that he wants to chat to multiple girls?...Now,i started feeling like he doesn't love me as he expressed. He even had past 3 online relationships n all 3 breakups,he told all these before..he told i am the first girl in real life.. I am worried now.Why do guys chat with multiple girls though they are in a serious relation?..does he really love or is it a game? No physical between us.We just met once in a temple and he just kissed my hands while we are going back and got very emotional while he was about to leave. I am worried..what should i do?.please,suggest.
Ans: Dear Ammarao,
Not all men chat with multiple women when they are serious about their relationship. Some might, but most men in exclusive relationships don't continue chatting. If his chats are truly friendly, there isn't much to worry about. But if you think there is more to it, I would suggest you reconsider the relationship.

Please talk to him directly and ask him if these women are only friends and if they know he is in a committed relationship. If he is being too defensive, you can tell him that in a relationship, it is also important to focus on what your partner is comfortable with. If you do not like these online friendships, communicate it to him.

I hope this helps.

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Recently, I (28M) had surgery and have been bedridden for 15 days. During this time, my girlfriend told me her female friend wanted to meet up with a guy. This guy was bringing along a male friend whom I’ve asked my girlfriend to avoid in the past because he tends to get touchy with her. They planned to stay in a hotel, and her friend wanted to be with the guy at night, meaning my girlfriend and the touchy guy would likely share a single room. A couple of days before the trip, she asked me if she should go. I told her it was her choice but made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. Despite that, she went, and when I confronted her, she gave responses like: • “I didn’t invite the touchy guy; the other guy did.” • “Just because you’re bedridden, you don’t want me to go outside.” • “I didn’t touch him; he got touchy with me.” Yeah, maybe I’m jealous or overthinking, but this whole situation has made me unsure about marriage altogether. Am I overreacting?
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I really cannot comment if you are overreacting or have every reason to feel this way without knowing a bit more about the entire situation. But what I can tell is that you should communicate your feelings to your partner. Let her know that while maintaining individuality or pursuing individual wishes in a relationship is important, it is equally important to pay heed to what makes your partner uncomfortable. Your request, from what information you have provided, seemed reasonable, while her reasoning that it is the guy's fault, not hers also makes perfect sense. So I think the best course of action is to let the situation calm down and have an open conversation. Could she have avoided this meetup to make you happy? Yes. But, she could've thought that if she avoids one thing for your happiness, you might start asking her to give up more things in the future, which is a real issue in many relationships. I think it is important to clear up all of these concerns and feelings before moving on with lifelong commitment.

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Career Counsellor - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
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Career
This is my second attempt at SSC CGL, and I’ve improved since last year. But I’m still anxious about the descriptive paper. Can you suggest ways to stand out in this section and make my essay and letter writing more impactful?
Ans: The SSC CGL descriptive paper requires a clear, structured, and effective presentation. To improve your essay writing skills, review the subject matter thoroughly and avoid deviations from the central theme. Sketch an initial outline and adhere to a straightforward framework, including an Introduction, Body, and Conclusion. Start with a hook and express your thesis or stance in a concise manner. Arrange arguments in a logical order, using data, examples, and facts to establish credibility. Avoid repetition and maintain brevity.

In summary, concisely summarize the primary themes and offer a fair perspective. Avoid vernacular language and maintain appropriate sentence structure and grammar. Maintain a clean writing style and avoid overwriting.

For writing a letter, adhere to the conventional format, maintain clarity and conciseness, and articulate the purpose in the first paragraph. Use simple language and avoid intricate terminology.

Regularly engage in writing essays and correspondence on various subjects to develop adaptability. Stay informed about the latest news and hot topics. Develop time management skills and consistently proofread your work for errors.

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One effective approach is to incorporate regular self-care practices into your daily routine. This could include activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature. These practices not only help calm the mind but also improve your overall mood and resilience to stress.

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Dear Counselor, My husband and I have been together for 11 years, with 10 years of dating and 1 year of marriage. Unfortunately, our relationship has been strained over the past year due to financial disagreements. Before marriage, we discussed his personal loan, which was taken for a land purchase for his mother. The loan repayment amounts to 30% of his salary. He assured me that, except for this loan repayment, he would not contribute financially to his parents' expenses until the loan was paid off. However, his parents are now pressuring him to increase his financial support by 20%. They claim to need help clearing their debts, despite being below 45, physically fit, and earning a sufficient income to support themselves. This situation is causing tension in our marriage, as we had planned to save and invest together, having no property or financial security of our own. I'm finding it challenging to understand why my husband is not prioritizing our financial goals and future together. please help me on this. Thank you for your time and guidance.
Ans: The key here is to approach the situation with empathy and open communication. Your husband likely feels a strong sense of duty towards his parents, which is understandable given cultural and familial expectations. However, it’s also important for him to recognize the commitments and plans you’ve both made as a couple. Balancing these two responsibilities can be difficult, but it’s essential for the health of your relationship.

Start by having a calm and honest conversation with your husband. Express your feelings without blame, focusing on how the situation affects both of you and your shared goals. It’s important that he understands your perspective and how the financial strain is impacting not only your plans but also your emotional well-being.

Encourage him to discuss his feelings and the pressure he’s experiencing from his parents. Sometimes, partners may feel caught between their familial obligations and their commitments to their spouse, leading to stress and internal conflict. Understanding his point of view can help you find common ground.

You might also explore practical solutions together, such as setting clear boundaries on financial support or finding a compromise that allows both your goals and his familial obligations to be met to some extent. This could involve budgeting, setting financial priorities, or seeking financial counseling to help manage the situation more effectively.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 15, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 14, 2025Hindi
Relationship
Hi Mam, I met my ex wife in the college where we both were pursuing out studies. We exchanged contacts and started speaking over phone like couple does. When we fall in live we ourselves don't know as no one propose to each other. As i finished my studies, she quit studies in the middle and decided to do hotel management course. Amd it so happened, next day her interview was lined up but unfortunately due to unavoidable circumstances she has to go to her native place. As Covid struck she git stuck in her native place and couldn't come back. And when everything became normal i insisted her to come but her mom was not allowing. After a lot of struggle her mom allowed her and she came back. In this course of time both families was aware about our relationship. My mom was against her because of 2 reasons, 1) Intercaste 2) She was from very poor and low caste background. Them too i continued the relationship and i convinced to my sister and she convinced to mom. And when she was in native place, she said once that her voice has gone has gone she need 50k for operation. I trying madly to arrange funds and one of my friend told me that she is playing with you be careful but as i was blind in love i necer listened him. When she came to Mumbai i arranged a pg accommodation for her for some time and i use to take her out for dinner as there use to be regular fights with owner. Somehow i convinced my mom and shifted her to my place. There use to be fights but we use to care for each other also at the same time. She started to do events and slowly and steadily started to work in media. She was well aware that i dont like girls working media then too i have her permission to work in media temporary. I went against everyone, my family and friend and after 7yrs of relationship we decided to get marry and it was working fine. After marriage fight increased and she used to taunt though i did so much for her. Once she was not well and as she used to taunt me i never took care of her. One day my dear friend told me to check her phone, she might be seeing someone. And when i checked she was having an affair with Assistant director, i saw msgs photos. And when i confronted she said "He is just a friend and we talk normally" I saw they both on one bed and when i forward their pics to her mom she said "There might be some problem in you only." And when i asked to my ex wife about all this she said "A person goes where he or she gets love and care" All this happened within 6-8 months of our marriage. When i came to know about all this i tod her to leave my house and she was asking for divorce because of my mon's behavior also. I think i should have not tell her to leave as when she left i don't know but i love her very much. I even told her to give me one chance as i gave her but she didn't stopped talking with her bf. And she didn't gave me a chance and went away. We have been legally divorced but still i love her and ready to accept her. But she doesn't want to come back. I am trying to forget her but couldn't. Luckily we don't have kids. Sometimes my heart says let her go she cheated you. Sometimes it says i love now also. I am struggling to forgot her as i am in contact now also. Please suggest. Thank you
Ans: it's important to acknowledge and honor the love you felt and still feel. Love doesn’t simply disappear overnight, and it’s natural to have lingering emotions, especially when you’ve shared so much history and effort to keep the relationship going. However, it’s also crucial to recognize the harm and hurt caused by her actions and the unresolved issues that led to the breakdown of your marriage.

The fact that she chose not to return and continues to maintain contact with the person she was involved with suggests that she has moved on emotionally, even if you haven’t. Holding onto hope for reconciliation can keep you trapped in a cycle of pain and longing, which makes it harder to heal and move forward.

Your heart and mind are sending you mixed signals because you’re torn between the love you still feel and the reality of the betrayal. This is a common struggle after a significant loss, but it’s important to focus on what’s best for your emotional well-being. Continuing to be in contact with her may be preventing you from healing fully. It might be beneficial to create some distance, at least temporarily, to allow yourself the space to process your feelings and begin the healing process.

Focusing on yourself and your own growth is essential. Consider engaging in activities that bring you joy, spending time with supportive friends and family, and possibly seeking professional counseling to help you work through your emotions and develop strategies to move forward.

Letting go is difficult, especially when you still have love for someone, but it’s a crucial step towards healing. Accepting that the relationship has ended and focusing on your future can help you find peace and eventually open the door to new possibilities for love and happiness.
Asked on - Jan 15, 2025 | Answered on Jan 15, 2025
Listen
Thank you very much for ur reply. But i am finding difficult to forget her.
Ans: It might be helpful to focus on the following steps to move forward:

Acceptance: Accept that the relationship has ended and that continuing to hold on to it may be preventing you from healing. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to stop loving her immediately, but it does mean recognizing that the relationship is no longer viable.
Self-Care: Prioritize your emotional well-being by engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who can help you through this process. Consider exploring new hobbies or interests that can redirect your focus and bring positive energy into your life.
Boundaries: It might be time to set boundaries with your ex-wife, especially if staying in contact is causing you more pain. Taking a step back from communication can provide the space you need to heal and gain clarity.
Professional Support: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor who can help you process your feelings and guide you through the healing journey. Professional support can offer valuable tools and strategies to navigate the complex emotions you’re experiencing.
Remember, healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve the loss of the relationship. With patience and self-compassion, you can move forward, find peace, and eventually open yourself up to new possibilities and happiness in life.

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