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Love Triangle: Torn Between Two Men, Facing Parental Wrath - Advice Needed

Anu

Anu Krishna  |1333 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Sep 22, 2024

Anu Krishna is a mind coach and relationship expert.
The co-founder of Unfear Changemakers LLP, she has received her neuro linguistic programming training from National Federation of NeuroLinguistic Programming, USA, and her energy work specialisation from the Institute for Inner Studies, Manila.
She is an executive member of the Indian Association of Adolescent Health.... more
Asked by Anonymous - Sep 18, 2024Hindi
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Hello mam, in the school days I loved a boy which was for 8 years relationship and unfortunately we broke up.. again after some days i was in the love with another guy he tortured me so bad. These two love stories know to my parents. When I told about second person they reacted very badly and they said that they would kill that boy . But now I wanted to marry the first boy which was of 8 years relationship. My parents are very serious about it and they are trying to get matches for me. How can I tell this matter to them?. What if they threaten to kill us? I know I made a mistake but it was so unfortunate. In my whole family no one is supportive to me..

Ans: Dear Anonymous,
How old are you now?
And just to protect you, your family will find it hard supporting you on this decision.
How is your relationship with the first boy now? Is he aware of your second relationship? Does the first boy also want to be married to you?
There was a reason why the two of you had broken up, has that reason now been eliminated?
All these questions must be answered before you make a decision to marry the first boy and only after that can you have an sort of debate with your parents on the decision. Obviously, they are concerned for you and what you have gone through and hence feel that who they choose for you will be the best for you...
So, to have them on your side, you need to work on the above questions and also make sure that you have a future with the boy and that you can take care of yourself. This involves a lot of work...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Mam i am in relationship for 9 years now..he became my boyfriend when i shifted in my new house he was my neighbour..i was in 10th when i got caught and since then my parents hate my boyfriend , i apologized to my parents then and said to have no contact with my boyfriend but 9 years down the lane ..we are totally connected and living a peaceful healthy relationship..my parents hate my boyfriend and his family to the core..my relationship with ny parents are.mixed someday they will be super nice to me , another day they will abuse me for evn small things..we have ups and down in our relationship but i love them a lott , i want to care of them in their old age..but at this point i want to talk to them about my boyfriend but seeinng that they hate him so much i am literally very very afraid that my parents will hate me to their core knowing about someone i want to marry whoom they hate soo much ..... i don't know how will they react .. i am been through physcial and verbal abuse earlier too but i don't know how much worse it can get this time..for them the girl who marry their parents choice is the best in the world..my boyfriend and i have no caste issue its just the ego issues with my parents they think karrying into that house they will never able to have good enough respect though my mother and his mother talk..but that too my mother bitch a lott about her mother for even nonsensical things..i am 24 now and preparing for government exam ...i am soo much stress knowing i have to choose between my love or my parents.....i think so even if i marry him with their superficail consent they will never be happy woth me..and can even cut contacts with me...i don't know what to do i have no elder in my house to make parents explain...mam plss show me some path
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
No where have you mentioned what your boyfriend does for a living? Could this be the reason that your parents refuse to acknowledge your relationship?
Parents want the best for their children but at times their own beliefs on love marriages etc can come in the way. Since you are an adult, it is time to actually start acting like one. My suggestion is to have a conversation with them and understand the reason for their refusal to accept your boyfriend. If it is one of society and family objection, then you know how to handle it BUT if their concern is more about his character or his job, you both need to make an effort to take away that concern so that they accept all this wholeheartedly.
Find the reason and things will become clearer as to how you must handle the situation.

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Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: It's important to acknowledge the complexity of the situation and the depth of your emotions. In such circumstances, finding a balance between honoring your own feelings and respecting your family's concerns can be incredibly difficult.

First and foremost, your safety and well-being are paramount. Threats of harm, whether directed towards yourself or others, are never acceptable and should be taken seriously. If you ever feel physically or emotionally unsafe, it's crucial to prioritize your own protection and seek support from trusted friends, family, or authorities.

In terms of navigating your relationship with your parents, open communication and understanding can be key. Despite the challenges, expressing your feelings to them in a calm and respectful manner might help them better comprehend your perspective. Sharing your thoughts, desires, and the reasons behind your choice may help bridge the gap between your differing viewpoints.

However, it's essential to approach these conversations with realistic expectations. Changing deeply ingrained beliefs and societal expectations is a gradual process, and it's possible that your parents may not immediately come around to your point of view. In such cases, setting boundaries to protect your emotional well-being may be necessary. This could involve limiting contact or seeking support from external sources such as counselors or support groups.

Ultimately, the decision to run away or to continue trying to convince your parents depends on your individual circumstances and what you believe is best for your future. Take the time to reflect on your values, priorities, and long-term goals. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who can offer guidance and encouragement as you navigate this challenging situation. Remember, you have the right to pursue happiness and fulfillment in your life, even if it means diverging from traditional expectations.

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Anu Krishna  |1333 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on May 14, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 08, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam,I love a boy..We both are from different states.We both work as software engineers and earn well.I am 24 and he is 26.My parents were looking alliance for me so i told them ki I like a boy..From the day I have told them they have not even asked ny opinion .My mom just keeps on repeating your dad will die as he has high bp and diabetes..you will become fatherless..My dad says he will drink poison and kill me as well..he himself told me that his image in society is more important to him and no one has give me rights to marry a boy of my own choice..My parents keep on calling me to my home so that they can make me quit my job..even after telling that I love a boy my parents went behind my back and fixed a boy for me..they say that the boy they are looking for me will be perfect..now my dad is asing me to come home..pls suggest me what should i do ..should i run away or convince them
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
Classic emotional blackmail...this is not new and I have seen this in many households. Your parents are not wrong from their point of view as they feel they will choose the best person for you. But obviously blackmailing you with consequences like your father will die etc is childish and immature...
You are an adult and know what you are doing. But also, take your parents into confidence by reassuring them that you know what's right for you. Eventually in due course of time, they will come around...They might not too...Don't stress over it as any relationship that you enter into if it is based on what your parents wish may not be the best for you...
It's not about them but they are making all this about them...turn the attention onto yourself by talking to them about your independent thoughts, financial independence and how the boy is right for you (if of course the boy is right for you).
Wait patiently till they turn over...make this attempt with baby steps without giving into fights or bouts of arguments!

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1333 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jun 13, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 09, 2024Hindi
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Hi mam, My parents are very strict ones I tried to talk to them from last aug to November or December my father stoped talking to me and abused me with abusive words and my mother did not say anything she was in support to my parents, then I stopped some while , now parents are behaving normally like nothing happened and mother was asking is I forget about him i said no again and now I want to talk again about this issue but I don't how to start again I feel hesitation and i started panicking I feel so sad all the time I don't know what to do please help me . I love my parents and my partner very much , my partners parents were ready for us but now they are saying tell her to do talk to her parents fastly and ask if they are ready or not we will not wait for her , they are forcing him to marry someone else I'm so stressed all the time.
Ans: Dear Anonymous,
If you are an adult and my that I mean at an age where you can legally be married, then what is the confusion?
Also, is your partner is someone who values you and is also in a good financial position? (I say this only because many girls become blind in love without realizing that his income is the one that will support the family when you are ready to have a baby wherein there will be a small break in your career or you will have the flexibility to take a break).

What is the reason for your parents to say NO to this boy? I suggest that you address that concern otherwise no amount of talking is going to convince them. Request your partner to speak with his family so that can give you sometime to talk to your parents and sort things first. You are stressed all the time because instead of finding ways to solve the problem, you have been sitting with the problem and worrying about it.

Talk to your parents first, understand why don't like your partner and what must happen for them to start liking him. See where this talk leads you to...

All the best!
Anu Krishna
Mind Coach|NLP Trainer|Author
Drop in: www.unfear.io
Reach me: Facebook: anukrish07/ AND LinkedIn: anukrishna-joyofserving/

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Anu Krishna  |1333 Answers  |Ask -

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Dear Mam I am a fifty year old man with a loving family. I was employed in a company which I left earlier. During COVID I was little stressed in another company on my job and I rejoined my earlier company. One of my female colleague who was in the earlier organisation during my first innings helped me to join the organisation and in my second innings we are the only two in the department. Naturally there are lots of conversations, communications, interactions related to work. She is around nine years younger than me and is unmarried. We used to share lots of moments in office like common topics, health, my family, friends, her parents, friends etc...apart from work. Gradually I started developing feelings for her. I have a notion that she also developed the same. There has neither been any physical intimacy nor joint outings outside office. But as you know both of us started to realise that I cannot sail in two boats at the same time and also she. We both share a very professional relation amongst us in the Office with boundaries and caution and rarely interact on issues other than office work. We still are the two in our department. Somehow I cannot delete the feelings for her from my mind and its more difficult as we are the only persons in our department and in constant touch for work But yes, I will never be able to leave my family. Please advise. Thanks and Regards,
Ans: Dear Rupannita,
You can't keep one leg at home and another in another place and expect both to work the way that you want.
You are attached to the family and that's the place you are going to feel happy as well. So, all these feelings for the other person; do evaluate what it's going to do to your peace of mind.
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Hello I am a 40 year old unmarried male. I did my graduation in Hotel management and passed out in the year 2006. After that i worked in few hotels in India and intrest of work in operations of hotel fizzled out. I sat idle doing nothing for a year or so and den helped my dad with his business that we had. In 2009 i did my MBA marketing from a Pune university college and passed out in 2011. Due to my hotel mgmt background i started working in five star hotel marketing department after passing out my MBA marketing. I got the hotel marketing job in Nov 2011. I worked in the same hotel till April 2014 after which i got an apportunity to work with big corporate hospital in the corporate marketing department. I worked there till 2018 after which i got a opportunity to work in a bigger corporate hospital in a different city in the marketing department. I worked there till Sept 2022, after which i was forced to take a break from work coz needed to take care of my ailing mother who underwent a Liver transplant. I was forced to take a break of around one year and months and i did nothing but took care of my mothers health. In the meanwhile i also lost my father in Road accident. My mother is fine now and its been one year and four months after the Liver Transplant. I have again started working in the hospital that i use to work before in the same marketing department. No other hospitals were ready to take me in coz the gap tht i had in my career. I have started working since July 2024. Now i feel tht i have already lost a lot of ground in terms of my carrier. I feel tht i am not well paid. All my life i have been bullied a lot hence i have self confidence issues. I feel coz of the nature of my job and less salary that is 9 lakhs per annum i am not getting any proper marriage proposals. I have not able to save anything in my life coz all my life i hav only worked and spent all my money on others. I also feel tht compared to others i lag in knowlege as well. Self confidence is the biggest problem. I want to grow now in my career and improve my personality now. I want you to guide in regards with the career as well and also means to improve my overall life. I want someone to talk to who would help and be guide at this moment of my life. Can someone of you make time and i can talk to them, so tht i could get direction in life. Right now emotionally, mentally and i feel physically also have hit my rock bottom.
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Financial safety: Budgeting: Save on a strict budget. Even a small monthly savings can provide stability. Set aside 3-6 months of living expenditures for emergencies.
Think about low-risk investments like mutual funds or term deposits to grow your savings.

Rebuild your self-confidence step-by-step:
Personal Development: To overcome bullying and regain self-worth, see a psychologist. Grateful: Celebrate small victories daily. Gain long-term self-esteem. To boost energy and confidence, walk, perform yoga, or go to the gym. Stress reduction and resilience can be achieved with Calm and Headspace meditation applications. Online or local career transition support groups can provide social and emotional help. Others' tales inspire.
Marriage proposals: If you are emotionally ready, willing to grow, and honest with your partner, you should be married at 40, even with a low salary. How you grow together is key to many successful partnerships. You need someone who values you for who you are, not simply your salary. Befriend Positive Friends and Coworkers. Instant Actions: Ask local Career Coaches and mentors for unique advice. Update LinkedIn, Resume: Emphasize career accomplishments. Encourage resilience and accountability during your break.
Goals: Set 3-6 month and 1-2 year career and personal improvement goals.
Getting past personal issues demonstrates strength. Returning to work shows resilience. Success is nonlinear and takes persistence. Choose small, daily acts that promote your goals. All the BEST for Your Prosperous Future.
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