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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 29, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Vk Question by Vk on May 23, 2024Hindi
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Hello, Iam a software professional,I want to buy house please guide me how much percentage i need to save out of loan amount assuming cost of flat may be 1 crore, also please suggest and also please advise me some mutual funds to invest in which i can expect return of around 30% and currently i have an active car loan which cost me an emi of 13k per month, i want to invest 10k in sip please suggest me some good mutual funds which can give me return around 25 to 30%

Ans: Thank you for reaching out. Your goal of buying a house and investing in mutual funds is commendable. Let’s break down your questions and provide a structured plan.

Saving for a House Purchase
Understanding Down Payment and Loan Amount
When buying a house, financial discipline is crucial. Typically, banks require a down payment of 20% of the property value. For a flat costing Rs. 1 crore, you need to save Rs. 20 lakhs as a down payment.

Planning Your Down Payment
Assess Your Savings: Calculate your current savings and how much you need to accumulate.

Monthly Savings Goal: Determine how much you need to save monthly to reach Rs. 20 lakhs. This will depend on your timeframe.

Automate Savings: Set up an automatic transfer to a high-interest savings account or a liquid mutual fund. This ensures disciplined saving.

Managing Your Loan
Loan Amount: After the down payment, you will need a loan of Rs. 80 lakhs.

Loan EMI Calculation: Ensure your EMI does not exceed 40% of your monthly income to maintain financial stability.

Investment Strategy for High Returns
Realistic Expectations
Achieving a 25-30% annual return consistently is unrealistic and risky. The Indian equity market averages around 12-15% annually over the long term. High returns come with high risk, and such expectations can lead to significant losses.

Recommended Mutual Funds
While aiming for high returns, consider a balanced approach with diversified equity funds and some exposure to mid and small caps. Here are some fund types to consider:

Flexi Cap Funds: These funds invest across market capitalizations and adapt to market conditions.

Mid Cap Funds: Focus on mid-sized companies with growth potential but higher risk than large caps.

Small Cap Funds: Invest in smaller companies with high growth potential and high risk.

Sectoral/Thematic Funds: Target specific sectors which may offer high returns but are also very risky.

Suggested Mutual Funds Allocation
Flexi Cap Fund: 40%

Mid Cap Fund: 30%

Small Cap Fund: 20%

Sectoral/Thematic Fund: 10%

Your Current Financial Commitments
Existing Car Loan
Your car loan EMI is Rs. 13,000 per month. Ensure this does not strain your finances when combined with other obligations.

Investing Rs. 10,000 in SIPs
Given your goal of high returns, here’s how you can allocate your Rs. 10,000 monthly SIP:

Flexi Cap Fund: Rs. 4,000

Mid Cap Fund: Rs. 3,000

Small Cap Fund: Rs. 2,000

Sectoral/Thematic Fund: Rs. 1,000

Risk Management and Diversification
Diversification
Diversification reduces risk. Spread your investments across different asset classes and sectors to mitigate potential losses.

Regular Review and Rebalancing
Review your portfolio every 6-12 months. Rebalance to align with your financial goals and market conditions.

Professional Guidance
Certified Financial Planner
Consult a Certified Financial Planner (CFP) for personalized advice. A CFP can help tailor your investment strategy, manage risks, and achieve your financial goals.

Conclusion
Your financial discipline and clear goals are commendable. By saving diligently for your down payment and investing wisely, you can achieve your dream of buying a house and building substantial wealth. Remember, while high returns are desirable, maintaining a balanced and diversified portfolio is key to long-term success.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ulhas

Ulhas Joshi  | Answer  |Ask -

Mutual Fund Expert - Answered on Mar 06, 2023

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Sir, I am 27 years old and my goal is to buy house of 1 cr after 5 years and collect good amount of money for its down payment at least 50% of it I am planning to start following sip HDFC nifty 50 index fund -15000 HDFC nifty next 50 index fund -15000 Canara robecco ELSS fund -4000 Quant tax plan direct growth -4000 Canara robecco small cap fund-2500 Quant small cap/axis small cap fund -2500 Should I invest more than above specified in funds . Please comment on selection of mutual fund and amount and changes in fund and amount to achieve goal. Thankyou in anticipation.
Ans: Hi Murgendra, thank you for writing in.

I notice you are currently investing around 70% of your funds in index funds, HDFC Nifty 50 & HDFC Nifty Next 50. With this, your portfolio returns will mostly mirror index returns.

You can consider investing Rs.10,000 in HDFC Nifty 50 Index Fund and Rs.10,000 in HDFC Nifty Next 50 Index Fund & invest the balance Rs.10,000 as follows:
1-SBI Magnum Midcap Fund-Growth Rs.5,000
2-Franklin India Smaller Companies Fund- Growth Rs.5,000

This will give you more midcap and smallcap exposure that have the potential to outperform the index and help you generate higher returns.

To create a corpus of Rs.50 Lakh in 5 years, you will need to invest around Rs.60,500 per month, that is increase your SIP’s by Rs.17,500. You need not invest in any new schemes, but simply increase the SIP amounts in the same proportion.

Annual step ups of around 10% will help you achieve your goals faster.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 02, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 02, 2024Hindi
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Money
Hi, I have 40 lakhs in hand coming from ancestors property and same saving. I need to purchase a home in Delhi NCR but current real estate prices are way above my budget even if I take loan of 50 lakhs. I am thinking of investing this amount in mutual funds having diversified balanced portfolio of equity and debt sectors for a timeline of 5-8 years. I am hoping in 5-8, I will enough amount for atleast 60% down payment on my house. I am assuming a return of 12-15%. Can you suggest the approach I should use to reach my goal? Do you recommend financial advisory services as well.
Ans: Investing your inheritance of 40 lakhs in mutual funds with a diversified balanced portfolio is a prudent approach to potentially grow your savings for a future down payment on a home in Delhi NCR. Here's a suggested approach:

Define Your Investment Horizon and Risk Tolerance: Given your goal of accumulating a down payment within 5-8 years, it's crucial to align your investment horizon with the timeline of your objective. Also, assess your risk tolerance to determine the appropriate allocation between equity and debt funds.
Asset Allocation: Since your investment horizon is relatively short-term (5-8 years), consider a balanced portfolio with a mix of equity and debt funds. Allocate a larger portion to debt funds to mitigate the impact of market volatility and ensure capital preservation. A typical allocation could be 60% in debt funds and 40% in equity funds.
Choose Mutual Funds: Select mutual funds with a proven track record of delivering consistent returns over the long term. Opt for diversified equity funds with exposure to large-cap and mid-cap stocks for growth potential, along with debt funds such as short-duration or dynamic bond funds for stability.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Invest your lump sum amount through SIPs to benefit from rupee-cost averaging and reduce the impact of market volatility. Set up a systematic investment plan to invest a fixed amount at regular intervals, ensuring discipline and consistency in your investment approach.
Regular Monitoring and Review: Monitor the performance of your mutual fund investments regularly and review your portfolio periodically to ensure it remains aligned with your goals and risk tolerance. Consider rebalancing your portfolio if necessary to maintain the desired asset allocation.
Regarding financial advisory services, consulting with a Certified Financial Planner can provide personalized guidance tailored to your financial goals, risk tolerance, and investment horizon. A financial advisor can help you develop a comprehensive investment plan, navigate market fluctuations, and make informed decisions to achieve your objectives.

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Aug 04, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Aug 04, 2024Hindi
Listen
Money
Hello sir. I am 31years old women wanted to understand some good investments funds for both long and short term I want to buy a house in next 5yrs(budget 35-40lacs) so to make it possible in a state of Mumbai Which plans will be best and for same how much we need to invest with minimal risk.
Ans: You are 31 years old.
Your goal is to buy a house in Mumbai in the next 5 years with a budget of Rs. 35-40 lakhs.
You seek investments for both long-term and short-term with minimal risk.
Financial Planning for House Purchase
Short-Term Investment Strategy (5 Years)
Recurring Deposits (RDs):

Suitable for disciplined savings.
Low risk and guaranteed returns.
Ideal for accumulating funds over a fixed period.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FDs):

Safe investment with fixed returns.
Opt for a laddering strategy to ensure liquidity.
Debt Mutual Funds:

Invest in high-quality corporate bonds and government securities.
Lower risk compared to equity funds.
Suitable for generating stable returns with moderate risk.
Suggested Allocation for Short-Term
Recurring Deposits (RDs): 30%

Provides disciplined savings with fixed returns.
Bank Fixed Deposits (FDs): 40%

Safe investment with fixed returns.
Ensure liquidity by laddering FDs.
Debt Mutual Funds: 30%

Invest in high-quality debt funds for stability.
Aim for moderate returns with lower risk.
Calculating Monthly Investment for House Purchase
Assuming you need Rs. 40 lakhs in 5 years.
Recurring Deposits (RDs): Rs. 12 lakhs
Monthly investment: Rs. 20,000 (approx.)
Bank Fixed Deposits (FDs): Rs. 16 lakhs
Monthly investment: Rs. 27,000 (approx.)
Debt Mutual Funds: Rs. 12 lakhs
Monthly investment: Rs. 20,000 (approx.)
Long-Term Investment Strategy
For Retirement and Other Long-Term Goals
Public Provident Fund (PPF):

Safe investment with tax benefits.
Long lock-in period suitable for retirement savings.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF):

Ensure regular contributions if employed.
Provides long-term growth with tax benefits.
Equity Mutual Funds:

Invest in high-quality actively managed funds.
Aim for long-term growth with moderate to high risk.
Suitable for wealth creation over 10-15 years.
Systematic Investment Plan (SIP):

Regular investment in equity mutual funds.
Helps in rupee cost averaging and disciplined investing.
Suggested Allocation for Long-Term
Public Provident Fund (PPF): 20%
Provides safe returns with tax benefits.
Employee Provident Fund (EPF): 20%
Ensure regular contributions for long-term growth.
Equity Mutual Funds: 60%
Invest in high-quality actively managed funds.
Aim for wealth creation over the long term.
Final Insights
For Short-Term: Invest in recurring deposits, fixed deposits, and debt mutual funds for house purchase.
For Long-Term: Invest in PPF, EPF, and equity mutual funds for wealth creation and retirement.
With disciplined investing and regular reviews, you can achieve your financial goals with minimal risk.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7635 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jan 27, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
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Money
I am 66 years old and retired and have one daughter married and well settled and has 2 children aged 5 years son and 3 years daughter. I have no liabilities and have a family income of Rs.3 lakhs per month thru rental. My monthly expenses is Rs 50 K per month and annual payments of medical, vehicle and property tax is Rs.3.25 Lakhs. I have direct equity invested around 1.2 CR and Invested in PMS now valued at Rs.85 Lakhs. I have plot valued at 1.6 CR and 2 independent house valued at 3cr. I have a commercial property which gives me above rental is valued at Rs.5 CR. Now kindly advise me how i should investment my earnings which will help my daughter and 2 grand children for for their future education. My above income is after paying the taxes to the government. I lead a simple life and travel every year 2 times.
Ans: Your financial position is strong with no liabilities.

Monthly rental income of Rs. 3 lakhs covers your expenses and lifestyle.

Monthly expenses of Rs. 50,000 and annual expenses of Rs. 3.25 lakhs leave ample surplus.

You have diversified assets, including equity (Rs. 1.2 crore), PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs), real estate (Rs. 9.6 crore), and regular rental income.

You lead a simple life, which allows significant potential for wealth accumulation and legacy planning.

Investment Goals
Your primary focus is to:

Ensure financial security for your family.

Support your daughter and grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Maintain sufficient liquidity for personal travel and unexpected medical costs.

Recommendations for Asset Allocation
1. Equity Investments
Your current direct equity portfolio (Rs. 1.2 crore) and PMS (Rs. 85 lakhs) are commendable.

Direct equity requires active tracking and expertise.

Shift part of your direct equity to regular mutual funds through a Certified Financial Planner.

Regular funds offer professional management and long-term growth.

Retain PMS if it meets your return expectations and aligns with your risk appetite.

2. Emergency Fund
Allocate 6–12 months of expenses to liquid funds.

This ensures liquidity for unexpected expenses or emergencies.

Investments for Daughter and Grandchildren
1. Education Fund for Grandchildren
Start investing in child-focused mutual funds for their education.

Choose regular funds through an experienced Certified Financial Planner.

These funds offer professional management and goal-based growth.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIPs) in equity funds can help accumulate the required corpus.

2. Legacy Fund
Invest in diversified mutual funds for wealth creation.

Choose a mix of large-cap, flexi-cap, and balanced advantage funds.

This portfolio can grow steadily while preserving wealth.

Real Estate Diversification
Avoid further investments in real estate.

Real estate is illiquid and challenging to manage during retirement.

Liquidate one property if diversification is needed.

Use the proceeds to invest in mutual funds or bonds.

Fixed Income Options
Consider investing in corporate bonds or debentures for steady income.

Choose bonds rated “AAA” for safety.

Avoid annuities as they provide low returns and limited flexibility.

Tax-Efficient Planning
Review tax-saving strategies with a Certified Financial Planner.

Equity investments (LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%) are tax-efficient.

Ensure proper tax documentation for real estate and rental income.

Track PMS returns and tax implications yearly.

Liquidity and Annual Expenses
Set aside Rs. 25–30 lakhs in a liquid fund.

This covers your annual travel, property taxes, and medical expenses.

Keep medical insurance for yourself and your family updated.

Succession and Estate Planning
Create a will to ensure smooth asset transfer.

Include clear instructions for property distribution.

Discuss creating a trust for your grandchildren’s education and future needs.

Travel and Lifestyle Funding
Use rental income surplus to fund annual travel.

Avoid withdrawing from long-term investments for discretionary expenses.

Final Insights
You have built a strong financial foundation.

Focus on simplifying investments for better management.

Diversify and invest in professionally managed mutual funds.

Plan for family needs with a balanced approach to risk and growth.

Regularly review your portfolio with a Certified Financial Planner.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025Hindi
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

Kanchan

Kanchan Rai  |507 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Jan 26, 2025

Asked by Anonymous - Jan 26, 2025
Relationship
He ma'am, Me and my husband are of same age 35 and its been 5yrs we got married but we don't have physical relationship at all my husband says we don't have intimacy, I forced home to visit doctor and the blood reports says all okay, as per his saying cause I don't understand the medical terms much....but if everything is okay medically still he never tries to come closer earlier we tried but he use stop in between before having sex and run to washroom and sit there for long ...and this was becoming mystry for me,bi asked him he said everything is fine it will take time and everything will be fine earlier he use to use washroom for long but now he does not .....in expectation that things will become better I wasted my 5 yrs. As a person he is good but as a husband he is lacks i wated my carrier as I am not getting any job in perticular city, and with is I started feeling useless as I had dreamt of living peaceful and happy life with him but everything went wrong no love, no emotional support, no physical intimacy no carrier nothing. I shared this with my mother in law as he was behind me for baby so one day I told her that we don't have physical relationship so please don't expect baby he didn't believe me but later on she started believing but she didn't take any action she is quite...how will I survive in this environment when I don't have reason to live...my husband support my family financially and because of that I not able to take any step..I feel suffocated at my in-laws place, I don't like to stay there he just makes me happy by shopping, watching movies that it but is this enough for the happy relationship. I was so friendly with him that I said that let me know what there in your mind you don't like me he said no I like you...then I asked him then why you don't want to get physical I started getting self-doubt on myself, he said you don't respond while sex but you tell me in 5 years we hardly tried 6-7 time and I responded him but he use to run to washroom in mid of play what would I do then I tried giving him hints for having sex but he use to ignore now you say that in 5 yrs of period we didn't has sex then don't you think there's major issue and when I say we should visit doctor then he says I have medical proof that I am physically fine... coming on my MIL part she used our bedroom toilet though we have 2 washroom out is western so she uses ours so there is no privacy our bedroom is never locked because of my MIL when I Iock my husband gets early in morning and open the lock for my MI, please tell me is this right every now and then she comes in our room and interfere in our conversation, her this behaviour feels like she is insecure about his son as FIL is more...I discuss with my husband that atleast we should have our privacy so he says yes but take no action...he does commitment but never fulfills...basic expectations I have from him that if not physical then atleast spent time with me, let's go and explore place he says yes but never go, I agreed on every point I lived according to my MIL she is selfish instead of knowing all problem she just want fasting for his son, making food what he likes, doing puja for his son success...you tell me in return I am not getting anything still I kept on doing my best to prove best bshu and best wife but no good change... I going through anxiety, stress, depression because of this I lost my confidence, no carrier nothing....now I decided to look for job in other city and thing for my mental peace and become independent because staying with him in 5 yrs didn't bring good changes instead I lost myself in my making them happy...what should I do please help ...he say that I don't want weekend wife now you tell me why I not think of myself now he says, I want to stay with you but if there is not change after so many try then it's useless he always says will work this out but it never happened, I tried my best.now I said will look for job in other city and will meet in weekend spend time together, and I will be there in all your worst situation. But now I can be jobless and asking for money everytime from him....he thinks money is the solution for all.He says no weekend wife how long this will work then but he is not giving me any choice, he says though I want to stay with you but if weekend wife the seperation is only option no divorce but seperation please guide *regarding physical relationship, *regarding my MIL interference despite of knowing everything, no privacy, her insecurity *And my decision of taking job in other as I am not getting opportunity in same city, staying together is also brings no change. Pls suggest.
Ans: The issue with the lack of physical intimacy is not simply about the act itself; it represents a disconnect in your relationship. Your husband's avoidance of intimacy and his reluctance to fully address the matter, despite your efforts, suggest deeper underlying challenges—perhaps emotional, psychological, or situational. While you’ve already taken steps by opening conversations, it’s clear that progress has stalled because this isn’t something you can resolve on your own. A professional intervention, such as couples therapy or sex therapy, could provide a neutral ground to explore these concerns. Presenting this option to him as an opportunity to strengthen the relationship rather than assign blame might help him feel less defensive. However, his willingness to engage will be a critical measure of his commitment to addressing these long-standing issues.

The lack of boundaries with your mother-in-law is another significant stressor that’s undermining your marriage and your mental peace. A healthy relationship requires a sense of security and privacy, which has been compromised by her interference. While it’s natural to want to maintain respect within a family, your husband’s inability or unwillingness to enforce boundaries is enabling a dynamic where you feel powerless and overlooked. The fact that you’ve expressed your concerns and seen no action suggests that waiting for change may not lead anywhere. You need to clearly communicate to your husband that privacy is not negotiable for the survival of your relationship. If he continues to prioritize his mother’s comfort over your peace, it will remain a barrier to the intimacy and connection you’re seeking.

The decision to pursue a job in another city reflects your need to reclaim control over your life and mental well-being. This isn’t just about financial independence—it’s about rediscovering your sense of purpose and confidence after years of feeling stuck. Your husband’s opposition to the idea of a “weekend wife” underscores his resistance to change, but his reluctance to address the core issues in the relationship leaves you with no alternative. Staying in this environment without progress will only deepen your feelings of suffocation and self-doubt. Choosing to prioritize your career is not a failure of the relationship; it’s a necessary step to protect your own mental health. You’ve already demonstrated immense patience and effort over the past five years, and now it’s time to invest in yourself.

As a coach, I would encourage you to focus on actionable steps: seeking therapy for clarity, setting non-negotiable boundaries with your husband regarding privacy and mutual respect, and pursuing your professional goals with confidence. By stepping into a space where you feel empowered, you’ll be in a better position to assess whether this relationship can evolve into the partnership you deserve. It’s important to remember that you’re not walking away from the marriage by making these decisions—you’re simply ensuring that your needs and well-being are no longer sidelined.

...Read more

DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Investment in securities market are subject to market risks. Read all the related document carefully before investing. The securities quoted are for illustration only and are not recommendatory. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information and as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision. RediffGURUS is an intermediary as per India's Information Technology Act.

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