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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 09, 2024

Ramalingam Kalirajan has over 23 years of experience in mutual funds and financial planning.
He has an MBA in finance from the University of Madras and is a certified financial planner.
He is the director and chief financial planner at Holistic Investment, a Chennai-based firm that offers financial planning and wealth management advice.... more
Anuj Question by Anuj on Dec 08, 2024Hindi
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Hello Hemant, i need your help in solving a crisis, it is not unmanageable but, with your help i can improve. so here are the details. Income 1,40,000 PM Loans running (20 Lakhs) 38,000 PM (Personal Loan taken for 8 years 4th year running) Car loan (10 Lakhs) 17,500 PM (For 7 years 4th year running) Investments 3,000 SIP (Current value is 1,07,000) Invested in stocks 7,50,000 (Current value 8,15,000) PPf 2,50,000 (2,000 PM) Investment in gold 1000 PM since 1 year (Invested 15,000 current value 18,000) I want to reach a target of 3 crores, iam currently aged 45, iam in govt service so still have 9 yrs of service left with the same income or u can say an increment of 10% PA. rrequest help and advice

Ans: Your detailed income and expenses show you are well-organised. Your monthly income of Rs 1,40,000 provides a stable financial base. You also have investments in SIPs, stocks, PPF, and gold.

However, your loan EMIs of Rs 55,500 per month take a significant portion of your income. This affects your savings and investment potential.

Your target of Rs 3 crores in 9 years is ambitious but achievable with strategic planning.

Analysis of Current Investments
SIPs (Rs 3,000 per month):

Your SIP contributions are small compared to your income.

A higher allocation is needed to build a significant corpus.

Stocks (Rs 7.5 lakh invested, Rs 8.15 lakh current value):

Direct equity investment has shown moderate returns.

Stocks can be volatile, requiring proper diversification.

PPF (Rs 2.5 lakh, Rs 2,000 per month):

PPF provides secure, tax-free returns but has limited growth potential.

The 15-year lock-in also affects liquidity.

Gold (Rs 15,000 invested, Rs 18,000 current value):

Gold is a hedge against inflation but is not suitable for high growth.

Monthly investments in gold are not significant for your target.

Evaluating Loans and Debt
Personal Loan (Rs 20 lakh, Rs 38,000 EMI):

Personal loans carry higher interest rates.

You have 4 more years left to repay this loan.

Car Loan (Rs 10 lakh, Rs 17,500 EMI):

Car loans are a depreciating asset liability.

The 3 years remaining on the loan strain your cash flow.

Steps to Improve Cash Flow
Accelerate Loan Repayments:

Prioritise clearing the personal loan first.

Use any bonuses or surplus income to reduce loan tenure.

After the personal loan, focus on prepaying the car loan.

Limit New Borrowings:

Avoid taking additional loans until existing debts are cleared.

Maintain a clear focus on financial discipline.

Strategy for Rs 3 Crore Goal
Increase SIP Contributions:

Raise your monthly SIP to Rs 15,000 initially.

Gradually increase SIPs by 10-15% annually as your income grows.

Invest in actively managed funds for higher returns.

Rebalance Stock Portfolio:

Diversify into equity mutual funds to reduce direct equity risks.

Focus on funds managed by experienced professionals.

Enhance PPF Contribution:

Maximise PPF contributions to Rs 1.5 lakh annually for tax benefits.

Treat it as part of your debt allocation.

Limit Gold Investments:

Stop monthly investments in gold.

Reallocate this amount to equity or hybrid funds.

Build an Emergency Fund:

Maintain 6 months’ expenses in a liquid fund or savings account.

This ensures liquidity during unexpected situations.

Tax Implications
For equity mutual funds, LTCG above Rs 1.25 lakh is taxed at 12.5%.

STCG is taxed at 20%.

Plan redemptions carefully to minimise tax liabilities.

Monitoring and Review
Track Progress Regularly:

Review your investments every 6 months.

Adjust allocations based on performance and goals.

Seek Professional Advice:

Consult a Certified Financial Planner to create a tailored plan.

Avoid emotional decision-making in investments.

Final Insights
Your financial discipline and stable income provide a strong foundation. Clearing debts and reallocating investments can help you achieve your Rs 3 crore target. Stay focused and consistent in your approach.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment
DISCLAIMER: The content of this post by the expert is the personal view of the rediffGURU. Users are advised to pursue the information provided by the rediffGURU only as a source of information to be as a point of reference and to rely on their own judgement when making a decision.
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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 12, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Mar 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am currently not working. I am 53 years old. My Fnf amount is going to be around 6 lacs. I have 67 lacs in MIC getting around Rs 33000 as monthly interest. I have no other income sources as of now. Have invested around 4.5 lacs in MFs and SIP of Rs 7000 pm going on curently. Insurance premium is 1.5 lacs annually and health insurance is of 15 lacs. All are active. I have my own accomodation without any loans running upon it. It is valued at 25 lacs. No PLs or Credit Card outstandings as I don't use them. Gold is valued around 30 lacs. PPF balance is 5 lacs. A shop valued around 7 lacs. Not on rent presently. Savings in bank accounts is 6 lacs presently. Job is not gauranteed nowadays. Monthly expenditure is Rs 65000 including all savings investments My current age is 53 years and am the only bread earner for my family. I have an insurance coverage of 1 crore on myself. No additional income sources presently. How to increase my present income from available resources to around Rs 65000 pm atleast ? How can I raise atleast 2.5 crores by the time my only daughter turns 18 yrs which is 8 yrs away ?
Ans: Given your current financial situation and goals, here's a plan to increase your income and work towards accumulating Rs 2.5 crores by the time your daughter turns 18:

Optimize Existing Investments: Evaluate your current investments, including fixed deposits, mutual funds, and gold. Consider reallocating some of your assets to investments with higher potential returns, such as equity mutual funds or stocks, based on your risk tolerance and investment horizon.

Maximize Returns on Fixed Deposits: Explore options to maximize returns on your fixed deposits (MIC). Consider reinvesting the maturity amount in instruments offering higher interest rates, such as corporate deposits or debt mutual funds.

Review Insurance Policies: Assess your insurance coverage to ensure it meets your family's needs adequately. Consider optimizing your insurance portfolio to reduce premiums while maintaining sufficient coverage. Evaluate the possibility of switching to term insurance for cost savings.

Monetize Unused Assets: Consider selling or renting out the shop to generate additional income. Evaluate the potential rental income compared to the current market value of the property. Utilize the proceeds from the sale or rent to further invest in income-generating assets.

Explore Part-Time Work: Given the uncertainty of your job, consider exploring part-time or freelance opportunities in your field of expertise. Utilize your skills and experience to generate additional income while allowing flexibility in your schedule.

Increase Systematic Investment Plan (SIP) Contributions: If possible, consider increasing your SIP contributions to mutual funds. Focus on funds with a track record of consistent returns and align with your risk profile. Regularly review and rebalance your portfolio to optimize returns.

Create Additional Income Streams: Explore alternative income streams such as rental income from the shop, dividend income from investments, or online business opportunities. Diversifying your income sources can provide stability and resilience against financial uncertainties.

Seek Professional Advice: Consider consulting a financial advisor to tailor a comprehensive financial plan that aligns with your goals and risk tolerance. A professional advisor can provide personalized recommendations and guidance to optimize your financial resources.

By implementing these strategies and consistently reviewing your financial plan, you can work towards increasing your current income and accumulating the desired corpus for your daughter's future needs.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on May 16, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - May 04, 2024Hindi
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Hello Sir, I am a Govt Employee aged 31 Yrs. Salary 1.5L per month. Savings - 1. Monthly Investment in Govt Savings Scheme with 7.1% ROI. Total Corpus till now is 21 lakh and investing 30k per month. 2. SIP - 14K per month since last two yrs and have accumulated 3.6 L. 3. Bal savings account 2 L. Liabilities - 1. Home Loan - 23L balance with 8.7% ROI and 240 months. Apart from this I am able to save 10k more every month. Annual increment amount to 10-20k. Can you please advise what all measures I can take to Build a Corpus of 5 Cr plus atleast by next 15 yrs. Also should I finish my Home Loan first or should I explore more options for investment. I would request if you can guide how someone like me should plan the finances in a better manner.
Ans: Financial Planning for a Government Employee: Building a ?5 Crore Corpus in 15 Years
Congratulations on your prudent financial habits and your ambition to build a substantial corpus for the future. Let's craft a plan to help you achieve your goal while optimizing your finances.

Assessing Your Current Financial Position
Your current savings, investments, and liabilities provide a solid foundation. With a monthly salary of ?1.5 lakh, disciplined savings habits, and existing investments, you're well-positioned to reach your financial goals.

Maximizing Savings and Investments
Government Savings Scheme: Continue investing ?30,000 monthly in the Government Savings Scheme, offering a reliable 7.1% return. This provides stability to your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plan (SIP): Maintain your SIP of ?14,000 per month. Consider increasing this amount gradually with each salary increment to accelerate wealth accumulation.

Additional Savings: Utilize the extra ?10,000 saved monthly to bolster your investment portfolio. Consider diversifying into a mix of equity, debt, and other asset classes for long-term growth potential.

Addressing Liabilities
Home Loan: With a remaining balance of ?23 lakh at 8.7% interest, continue servicing the loan while exploring opportunities to refinance at lower rates. However, prioritize investments that offer higher returns than the loan interest.
Planning for Incremental Income
Annual Increment: Utilize the annual increment of ?10,000-20,000 to boost your investments. Consider allocating a portion towards debt repayment and the rest towards investment to accelerate wealth creation.
Optimizing Investment Strategy
Asset Allocation: Maintain a balanced asset allocation aligned with your risk tolerance and investment horizon. Consider gradually shifting towards more aggressive investments like equity for higher returns over the long term.

Diversification: Diversify your investment portfolio across various asset classes to mitigate risk and enhance returns. Explore options like mutual funds, PPF, NPS, and direct equity investments based on your risk appetite and financial goals.

Prioritizing Financial Goals
Home Loan vs. Investment: While it's essential to reduce debt, consider the opportunity cost of repaying the home loan early. Evaluate if your investments can generate higher returns than the loan interest rate. If yes, prioritize investing while continuing to service the loan.
Regular Financial Review
Periodic Review: Conduct a comprehensive financial review at least annually to track progress towards your goals, reassess your risk tolerance, and make necessary adjustments to your investment strategy.
Conclusion
By diligently following this financial plan, you can work towards building a corpus of ?5 crores or more within the next 15 years while balancing debt repayment and wealth creation. Remember, financial planning is dynamic, and it's essential to adapt your strategy based on changing circumstances and market conditions.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Jun 18, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Jun 13, 2024Hindi
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Hi I am 35 years old, earning 1.20 lakh per month, fixed expense 40k per month. I have sip 13000 & ppf monthly i deposit 5000, nps monthly 4000, lic yearly 43000 premium. I have car laon of 11000/month,also having recurring deposit of 4000/month. I have fd of 1 lakh. Kindly suggest how can i manage my finance to reach goal of 3 crore by 50 years of age
Ans: I understand your desire to reach a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. You’re on the right track by investing regularly. Let’s assess your current financial situation and develop a strategy to achieve your goal.

Assessing Your Current Financial Situation
To create an effective plan, we first need to review your current financial commitments and investments.

Income and Expenses
Monthly Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Fixed Expenses: Rs 40,000 per month
Existing Investments
SIP: Rs 13,000 per month
PPF: Rs 5,000 per month
NPS: Rs 4,000 per month
Recurring Deposit: Rs 4,000 per month
FD: Rs 1 lakh
Liabilities
Car Loan: Rs 11,000 per month
LIC Premium: Rs 43,000 annually
Calculating Available Funds
After accounting for your fixed expenses and loan repayment, let’s determine the available funds for additional investments.

Total Income: Rs 1.20 lakh
Total Fixed Expenses and Loan: Rs 40,000 + Rs 11,000 = Rs 51,000
Remaining Amount: Rs 1,20,000 - Rs 51,000 = Rs 69,000
You currently invest Rs 26,000 monthly (SIP + PPF + NPS + RD). This leaves you with Rs 43,000 for potential additional investments.

Evaluating Your Investment Portfolio
Your current investments are diversified across different instruments. Let’s analyze each one to optimize your portfolio.

Systematic Investment Plans (SIP)
Growth Potential: SIPs in mutual funds are good for long-term wealth creation.
Flexibility: Allows for periodic review and adjustment based on performance.
Recommendation: Consider increasing your SIP allocation to leverage the power of compounding.
Public Provident Fund (PPF)
Security: PPF is a safe investment with decent returns and tax benefits.
Lock-in Period: Has a 15-year lock-in period but offers partial withdrawals after 7 years.
Recommendation: Continue with PPF for its stability and tax advantages.
National Pension System (NPS)
Retirement Corpus: NPS is designed to build a retirement corpus with tax benefits.
Equity Exposure: Offers equity exposure for higher returns but has restrictions on withdrawals.
Recommendation: Continue NPS for retirement planning, but do not solely rely on it for your Rs 3 crore goal.
Recurring Deposit (RD)
Low Risk: RD offers low-risk returns but generally lower than equity investments.
Short-term Goal: Useful for short-term savings but not ideal for long-term wealth creation.
Recommendation: Evaluate the need for RD; consider redirecting funds to higher-return investments.
Optimizing Your Investment Strategy
To reach Rs 3 crore in 15 years, a well-structured investment strategy is essential.

Increasing SIP Contributions
Aggressive Growth: Increasing SIP contributions in equity mutual funds can help achieve higher returns.
Monthly Contribution: Consider increasing your SIP by an additional Rs 10,000 to Rs 15,000 per month.
Review Regularly: Monitor the performance of your SIPs and adjust as needed to stay on track.
Diversifying Investments
Equity Mutual Funds: Allocate a higher portion of your investments to equity mutual funds for growth.
Debt Funds: Maintain a portion in debt funds for stability and risk management.
Balanced Funds: Consider balanced or hybrid funds for a mix of growth and stability.
Utilizing Lump Sum Investments
FD Utilization: Use the Rs 1 lakh FD for emergencies or short-term needs; avoid premature withdrawal.
Lump Sum in Mutual Funds: Invest any additional savings or bonuses in mutual funds to boost your corpus.
Planning for Specific Goals
Your primary goal is to accumulate Rs 3 crore by the age of 50. Let’s break down the approach:

Goal-Based Planning
Define Goals: Clearly define milestones such as education, buying a home, or retirement.
Allocate Funds: Allocate investments based on the time horizon and risk appetite for each goal.
Track Progress: Regularly track progress towards each goal and make adjustments as necessary.
Child's Education
Separate Corpus: Create a separate corpus for your child’s education using child-specific mutual funds or education plans.
Time Horizon: Align the investment horizon with the expected timeline for education expenses.
Retirement Planning
NPS and PPF: Continue contributions to NPS and PPF for retirement security.
Equity Exposure: Increase equity exposure to achieve higher returns over the long term.
Emergency Fund: Maintain an emergency fund to cover unforeseen expenses without disturbing your investment plan.
Tax Planning and Savings
Effective tax planning can enhance your savings and investment returns.

Utilizing Tax Benefits
Section 80C: Utilize the Rs 1.5 lakh limit under Section 80C through PPF, NPS, and ELSS.
Section 80D: Avail tax benefits on health insurance premiums under Section 80D.
Tax-Free Returns: Prefer investments that offer tax-free returns to maximize post-tax income.
Regular Reviews
Annual Review: Conduct an annual review of your investments and tax planning.
Rebalancing Portfolio: Rebalance your portfolio to maintain the desired asset allocation and risk level.
Financial Discipline and Monitoring
Maintaining financial discipline is crucial to achieving your long-term goals.

Budgeting
Track Expenses: Keep a detailed record of your monthly expenses to identify areas of saving.
Reduce Unnecessary Spending: Cut down on discretionary spending to increase your investment potential.
Emergency Fund
Maintain Liquidity: Keep 6-12 months of expenses in a liquid fund to handle emergencies.
Avoid Debt: Use the emergency fund instead of incurring high-interest debt for unexpected expenses.
Final Insights
Reaching a goal of Rs 3 crore by the age of 50 is achievable with a disciplined and strategic approach. Increase your SIP contributions, diversify your portfolio, and regularly review and adjust your investments. Utilize tax benefits and maintain financial discipline to stay on track. With a focused and proactive strategy, you can achieve your financial goals and secure your future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in

..Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Sep 27, 2024

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i am 40old, 90k monthly salary, home exp 30k , investment is 14k in Mutual Fund sip ( current value is 7.00L) ABSL Flexi - 1000/-, Axis ELSS Tax Saver- 3000/- HDFC Business cycle-1000/- HDFC Manufacturing - 2000/- ICICI Prodentical Enegry Oppornuties - 2000/- Kotak Emerging Equety - 2000/- Mirae Assets Large & Midcap - 1000/- Nippon india small cap - 1000/- Whiteok capital midcap - 1000/- mediclaim 10L and one Termplan for 1CR , and have one home loan 9.50L, i want to make 2CR after 10-15 years, so please suggest me , how to move forward with current investment or need any change
Ans: You are investing Rs 14,000 per month through SIPs across various mutual funds. You also have a mediclaim policy of Rs 10 lakh and a term insurance plan of Rs 1 crore. Given your goals, it's great that you've taken steps towards financial security. Your target of Rs 2 crore over the next 10-15 years is achievable with consistent investing and proper planning.

Here’s an analysis of your current investments:

ABSL Flexi Cap Fund (Rs 1000/month): This is a diversified fund investing across large, mid, and small caps. It’s a good long-term choice, but since your investment is relatively small here, consider increasing it slightly.

Axis ELSS Tax Saver (Rs 3000/month): ELSS offers tax benefits and the chance for wealth creation. It is aligned with your tax-saving goals. You can continue investing, as it also provides the benefit of compounding over time.

HDFC Business Cycle (Rs 1000/month) and HDFC Manufacturing (Rs 2000/month): These sectoral/thematic funds are riskier because they focus on specific sectors. I would recommend reducing your exposure to sector funds and shifting the amount into diversified equity funds or large-cap funds to balance your portfolio.

ICICI Prudential Energy Opportunities (Rs 2000/month): Sector-specific again, this fund focuses on energy. While this can give good returns in the short term, it's a high-risk bet in the long term. I suggest reallocating some portion to a more diversified approach.

Kotak Emerging Equity (Rs 2000/month): A mid-cap fund that can deliver higher returns in the long run, but mid-caps can be volatile. Ensure you balance it with large-cap or diversified funds.

Mirae Asset Large & Midcap (Rs 1000/month): This is a good blend of large and mid-cap stocks. You can continue with this, as it balances both stability (large-cap) and growth (mid-cap).

Nippon India Small Cap (Rs 1000/month) and Whiteoak Capital Midcap (Rs 1000/month): These small and mid-cap funds are higher-risk investments. Over the long term, they can give higher returns, but be prepared for volatility.

Recommendations for Improvement
To meet your goal of Rs 2 crore, you need to adjust your investment strategy. Here are some recommendations:

1. Increase SIP Amount Gradually
Rs 14,000 per month is a good start, but you may need to increase this over time to meet your Rs 2 crore target. Since your income is Rs 90,000, aim to gradually increase your SIP by 5-10% every year.
2. Reduce Exposure to Sector Funds
Sectoral and thematic funds like HDFC Business Cycle, HDFC Manufacturing, and ICICI Prudential Energy Opportunities are more volatile. Reallocate a part of this investment to large-cap or diversified equity funds for more stability.
3. Continue ELSS for Tax Savings
Axis ELSS is serving your tax-saving needs. Continue with this investment, but ensure you are within the Rs 1.5 lakh limit under Section 80C.
4. Focus on Diversified Equity and Large-Cap Funds
To achieve your wealth creation goal, increase your exposure to large-cap and flexi-cap funds. They provide a safer and more consistent route to building wealth over the long term.

Some of the small and mid-cap funds you’re investing in can be retained, but the key is not to over-invest in higher-risk funds. A balanced portfolio will reduce risk and increase the chance of reaching your goal.

5. Consider Adding Debt Funds for Stability
You may want to add some debt mutual funds to your portfolio. This will ensure a balanced risk level and provide some protection against market volatility.
6. Prepay Home Loan if Possible
If you have surplus income or can free up some investments after realigning your portfolio, consider prepaying your home loan. This will reduce the interest burden and free up funds for future investments.
7. Review Insurance Coverage
You have Rs 1 crore in term insurance, which is good. However, if your liabilities increase, like for your daughter's education or other expenses, ensure that your coverage remains adequate.
How Much You Need to Save
To reach Rs 2 crore in the next 10-15 years, you'll need to ensure that your investment corpus grows at a healthy rate. With an expected return of 10-12% from mutual funds, you can build a significant corpus, but a more detailed plan with regular reviews is essential.

Example Approach:
If you increase your SIP amount by Rs 2,000-3,000 periodically and reallocate your portfolio as suggested, you will be on track for Rs 2 crore in 15 years. With time, compound interest will work in your favor.
Tax-Saving Strategy
You already invest in Axis ELSS, which gives you tax-saving benefits under Section 80C. You can consider adding another ELSS fund if you need additional tax-saving options, but don't exceed Rs 1.5 lakh in total investment for tax deductions.

Alternatively, you can contribute to PPF for tax-free, low-risk returns. Since you already have a home loan, remember to take advantage of Section 24 for tax deductions on interest payments.

Final Insights
To sum up:

Increase your SIP investments slightly over time to meet your Rs 2 crore goal.

Rebalance your portfolio by reducing sectoral fund exposure and focusing more on diversified and large-cap funds.

Maintain ELSS for tax-saving benefits but diversify if necessary.

Gradually prepay your home loan to reduce interest expenses and free up cash flow for investing.

Continue reviewing your insurance coverage to match future needs.

Making these changes will put you on the right path to achieving your financial goals in 10-15 years.

Best Regards,
K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

..Read more

Latest Questions
Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

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Top4 sips with 15k amount suggest me
Ans: Here’s an updated strategy for your Rs. 15,000 SIP allocation, replacing the sectoral/thematic fund with a small-cap fund for better long-term growth potential.

Suggested SIP Allocation (Rs. 15,000)
Large-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Stability and steady growth by investing in India’s top 100 companies.
Why Choose: Provides consistent returns and low volatility in your portfolio.
Flexi-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 4,000/month
Objective: Diversified exposure across large, mid, and small-cap stocks.
Why Choose: Offers balanced risk and returns with flexibility during market cycles.
Mid-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Tap into the growth potential of medium-sized companies.
Why Choose: Higher returns with manageable risk compared to small caps.
Small-Cap Fund

Allocation: Rs. 3,500/month
Objective: Focus on fast-growing small-cap companies.
Why Choose: High-growth potential over the long term, though with higher volatility.
Why Include Small-Cap Funds?
Long-Term Growth: Small-cap companies have immense potential to grow significantly over time.
Diversification: Adds exposure to an underrepresented segment, complementing large and mid-caps.
High Returns: Potential for higher returns compared to other categories, albeit with higher risk.
Key Considerations
Investment Horizon: Stay invested for at least 7-10 years to mitigate short-term volatility.
Active Fund Management: Avoid direct or index funds to leverage professional expertise.
Regular Monitoring: Review fund performance periodically with a Certified Financial Planner.
Tax Implications
Equity Funds:
LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh/year taxed at 12.5%.
STCG (held less than 1 year) taxed at 20%.
Final Insights
This updated allocation ensures a mix of stability, moderate risk, and high growth. With consistent SIPs and periodic reviews, you can achieve robust wealth creation over the long term. A Certified Financial Planner can assist in optimising your investment strategy.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
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Hi Sir I come from a middle class family and my parents have dedicated everything they have into my education and upbringing. Now they plan to retire and i am finally at 30 in a stanle career where i make approximately 1,20,000 per month. I have a savings of approximately 2,00,000 that i want to invest into my parents retirement. We are NRI's and my parents will be returning back to India soon. I have 0 kmowledge about investments. As per what my friends advised, I have come to the following solutions: 1. Open an FD for both my parents seperately of 50000 Rs each for 5 years with their respective banks 2. Choose the Bajaj Allianz Smart Wealth Goal V SIP and invest approximately 24000 annually for 5 years, withdrawing it at 7 years. 3. Choose the TATA AIA Smart SIP wealth secure and invest 60000 Rs annually for 10 years, withdrawing it at the end of the same duration. Along with the above, I also plan to invest 40000 Rs annually into their Medical health insurance. Now as an NRI, and not having any knowledge about investing or TAX, could you help me with the above investments and how i would have to go about with TAX policies in India. Thank you
Ans: Your dedication to supporting your parents’ retirement is truly admirable. As an NRI with limited investment knowledge, making informed decisions will ensure financial stability for your parents. Let's assess and optimise your proposed plan while incorporating better strategies.

Evaluating the Current Plan
Fixed Deposit for Both Parents
Strengths: Fixed deposits (FDs) are safe and offer guaranteed returns.
Limitations: FD returns in India often fail to outpace inflation. Senior citizens get slightly higher interest rates.

Bajaj Allianz Smart Wealth Goal SIP
Overview: Likely a ULIP (insurance cum investment product). Combines life insurance with investments.
Limitations: ULIPs have high charges (administration and premium allocation fees). Returns are often lower compared to mutual funds.
Taxation: ULIPs are tax-efficient but lack transparency and flexibility.
TATA AIA Smart SIP Wealth Secure
Overview: Another ULIP-based product with insurance and investment components.
Limitations: Similar to the Bajaj Allianz plan, it has high costs and lower returns.
Taxation: Tax benefits under Section 80C but limited withdrawal flexibility.
Medical Health Insurance for Parents
Strengths: Investing in health insurance for your parents is a wise decision.
Suggestions: Opt for a plan with sufficient coverage, including critical illness and cashless claims.
Suggested Optimised Financial Plan
Step 1: Replace ULIPs with Equity Mutual Funds
Reason: Equity mutual funds provide higher returns compared to ULIPs.
Benefits: Actively managed funds offer better growth, diversification, and lower charges.
SIP Strategy: Start a SIP for Rs. 5,000 monthly (Rs. 60,000 annually) for 10 years.
Taxation: Equity LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG taxed at 20%.
Step 2: Invest in Debt Mutual Funds
Reason: Debt funds offer better returns than FDs and are tax-efficient.
Allocation: Invest Rs. 1 lakh in short-duration or dynamic bond funds.
Taxation: LTCG and STCG on debt funds are taxed as per the income tax slab.
Step 3: Build an Emergency Fund
Importance: Allocate Rs. 50,000 to a liquid fund or short-term FD.
Purpose: This fund will cover unexpected medical or living expenses.
Step 4: Continue Health Insurance for Parents
Annual Premium: Rs. 40,000 annually is reasonable for comprehensive coverage.
Suggestions: Include riders like critical illness and hospital cash benefits.
Step 5: Diversify Using Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGBs)
Reason: SGBs are low-risk, inflation-proof, and provide 2.5% annual interest.
Allocation: Invest Rs. 50,000 into SGBs.
Taxation: Interest is taxable, but capital gains on redemption are tax-free.
SGBs are not available for NRIs.

Tax Implications for NRIs
Better Returns: Shift to equity and debt mutual funds for inflation-beating growth.
Tax Efficiency: Use tax-saving instruments and avoid high-tax liabilities on ULIPs.
Flexibility: Mutual funds and SGBs provide better liquidity and transparency.
Secure Future: Health insurance ensures medical expenses are not a financial burden.
Final Insights
Your proposed plan can be significantly improved with better investment choices. Focus on mutual funds, health insurance, and SGBs for long-term financial stability. Avoid ULIPs as they come with high costs and limited returns. With these steps, you can ensure a secure and comfortable retirement for your parents.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

...Read more

Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I am a 40 year old male married with no kids working in an IT company, my current portfolio consist of 1 apartment in Bangalore (home loan is completed), 1 site in my hometown worth 1 Cr, 8 lakh in SGB, 6 lakh in stocks, 6 lakh in ppf, 26 lakh in PF, 3.5 lakh in NPS In order to retire comfortably at the age of 50 i want to invest in such a way that my monthly income/pension should be 2.5 lakh Please provide some financial advice to me to achieve my goal.
Ans: You have a solid starting point with your existing portfolio. However, achieving your goal of Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income at retirement will require meticulous planning and disciplined investing. Here's a detailed roadmap tailored to your needs.

Assessing Your Current Portfolio
Real Estate Assets

One apartment (home loan cleared) provides potential rental income.
A site in your hometown worth Rs. 1 crore is currently a non-productive asset.
Financial Assets

Sovereign Gold Bonds (SGB): Rs. 8 lakh, offering stable interest and appreciation.
Stocks: Rs. 6 lakh in equities for long-term growth.
PPF: Rs. 6 lakh, offering safe and tax-free returns.
Provident Fund (PF): Rs. 26 lakh, providing stability and regular growth.
NPS: Rs. 3.5 lakh, adding to your retirement corpus.
Your total financial assets stand at Rs. 49.5 lakh.

Retirement Goal Analysis
Desired Income: Rs. 2.5 lakh per month or Rs. 30 lakh per year.
Investment Horizon: 10 years until age 50.
Inflation Impact: Adjust the target corpus for inflation to sustain your lifestyle.
Risk Profile: Balance between growth-focused and stable investments.
Recommended Investment Strategy
Step 1: Determine Your Retirement Corpus
For a Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income, your corpus should sustain withdrawals for 30+ years.
Factor in inflation-adjusted growth to ensure purchasing power.
Step 2: Allocate Current Portfolio Effectively
Utilise Non-Performing Real Estate Assets

Sell the site worth Rs. 1 crore in your hometown.
Invest proceeds into a diversified portfolio for growth.
Avoid retaining illiquid assets without income generation.
Maximise Equity Investments

Increase equity exposure for long-term growth.
Invest in actively managed funds for better performance over index funds.
Regular funds through an MFD with CFP credentials offer professional oversight.
Leverage PPF and PF Contributions

Continue contributions to PPF for safe, tax-free returns.
Retain PF contributions to build a stable retirement corpus.
Optimise NPS Investments

Shift to a higher equity allocation within NPS for better growth.
NPS provides tax-efficient returns and retirement income options.
Step 3: Start a Systematic Investment Plan (SIP)
Monthly SIP Amount: Invest aggressively over the next 10 years.
Fund Selection: Choose equity mutual funds with a proven track record.
Taxation: Equity LTCG above Rs. 1.25 lakh taxed at 12.5%; STCG taxed at 20%.
Step 4: Create a Diversified Portfolio
Equity Mutual Funds

Allocate 60%-70% to actively managed equity funds.
Focus on large-cap, flexi-cap, and mid-cap funds for diversification.
Debt Instruments

Allocate 20%-30% to debt funds for stability.
Include corporate bonds and dynamic bond funds for better yields.
Gold Investments

Retain existing SGBs for stability and hedge against inflation.
Emergency Fund

Maintain 6-12 months of expenses in liquid funds or fixed deposits.
Step 5: Increase Income Generation from Existing Assets
Rental Income
Rent out your apartment in Bangalore for additional cash flow.
Use rental income to supplement SIP investments.
Key Considerations
Taxation and Efficiency
Keep your tax liability in mind while planning withdrawals.
Diversify investments to optimise post-tax returns.
Periodic Review of Investments
Monitor portfolio performance regularly.
Rebalance asset allocation based on market conditions.
Seek guidance from a Certified Financial Planner for fine-tuning.
Final Insights
Your goal of Rs. 2.5 lakh monthly income is ambitious but achievable. Selling non-performing assets and investing aggressively will create a strong retirement corpus. Maintain discipline in SIP contributions and periodically review your investments. With this approach, you can enjoy financial freedom at 50.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Ramalingam

Ramalingam Kalirajan  |7287 Answers  |Ask -

Mutual Funds, Financial Planning Expert - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Dec 20, 2024Hindi
Money
I have a debt of 1 crore 15 lakhs with rate of interest 8.6 % and I can pay 10 lakh yearly in addition to my EMI's. Is it better to invest those 10 lakhs in SIP or Pre-pay my loan and clear debt or wait till the SIP matures and use that lump sum to pay the loan?
Ans: You are in a financially challenging yet manageable situation. The right decision will depend on a careful assessment of your goals and circumstances. Here's a detailed evaluation of the two options: prepaying your loan versus investing in SIPs.

Key Factors to Consider
Interest Cost on Loan

Your loan interest rate of 8.6% is substantial.
The interest cost accumulates if the loan tenure is long.
Prepaying can save interest and reduce loan tenure.
Potential SIP Returns

SIPs in actively managed equity mutual funds can yield 10%-12% annually over the long term.
The returns are market-linked and not guaranteed.
Market volatility impacts short-term results.
Liquidity Needs

Prepaying reduces debt but locks funds.
SIPs provide liquidity for emergencies or goals.
Tax Implications

No tax benefit for loan prepayment beyond the Rs. 2 lakh interest deduction in housing loans (if applicable).
SIP investments in equity mutual funds have specific capital gains tax rules.
Benefits of Loan Prepayment
Lower Interest Burden

Immediate reduction in the interest portion of EMI.
Reduces overall debt faster.
Psychological Relief

Eliminates financial stress of a high loan.
Provides peace of mind with reduced liabilities.
Guaranteed Savings

Savings on interest is assured and risk-free.
Benefits of SIP Investment
Potential Wealth Creation

Long-term equity SIPs can outpace loan interest rates.
Compounding benefits enhance returns over time.
Flexibility

SIPs offer systematic withdrawal plans for liquidity.
Funds remain accessible during emergencies.
Diversification

Investments grow alongside other assets, increasing net worth.
Assessing the 360° Perspective
Debt and Emotional Comfort

A Rs. 1.15 crore debt can cause financial and emotional strain.
If reducing stress is your priority, prepayment is preferable.
Investment Risk Appetite

SIPs suit those willing to accept market volatility for higher returns.
If you dislike risk, prioritize prepayment.
Long-Term Financial Goals

Use SIPs for retirement, children’s education, or other life goals.
Prepaying helps if clearing debt is your primary focus.
Income Stability

Regular income supports SIPs without disrupting EMI payments.
Uncertainty in earnings favors prepayment.
Tax Considerations in Detail
Loan Prepayment

Offers no additional tax benefits after claiming the Rs. 2 lakh housing loan interest deduction.
SIP Investment

Gains above Rs. 1.25 lakh in equity funds are taxed at 12.5% (LTCG).
Short-term gains are taxed at 20%.
Debt funds are taxed as per your income slab.
Hybrid Approach: The Best of Both Worlds
Split the Rs. 10 lakh yearly allocation into two parts.

Use Rs. 5 lakh to prepay the loan.
Invest the remaining Rs. 5 lakh in SIPs.
This strategy balances debt reduction and wealth creation.

Reduces debt steadily.
Allows market participation for higher returns.
When to Prioritise Loan Prepayment?
If you prefer guaranteed savings over potential market returns.
When nearing retirement and aiming for a debt-free life.
If financial stress is affecting your well-being.
When to Prioritise SIP Investments?
If you are comfortable with market fluctuations.
When your income can comfortably handle EMIs.
If long-term wealth creation is a key goal.
Key Recommendations for SIP Investments
Actively Managed Equity Funds

Seek funds with a consistent track record.
Regular plans via an experienced CFP provide expert guidance.
Avoid Index Funds

Actively managed funds outperform index funds in volatile markets.
Index funds lack flexibility and personalization.
Use Regular Funds Through an MFD

Avoid direct plans as they lack personalized advice.
MFDs with CFP credentials help in fund selection and monitoring.
Benefits of Splitting Investments
Balances debt reduction and growth.
Provides flexibility if circumstances change.
Reduces risk from overexposure to one strategy.
Final Insights
The decision depends on your priorities and risk tolerance. If reducing debt quickly offers peace of mind, prepay the loan. If long-term wealth creation aligns with your goals, consider SIPs. A hybrid approach balances these objectives effectively.

You are taking proactive steps toward financial freedom. Your disciplined approach ensures a secure financial future.

Best Regards,

K. Ramalingam, MBA, CFP,

Chief Financial Planner,

www.holisticinvestment.in
https://www.youtube.com/@HolisticInvestment

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Sir I am also a doctor. and in relationship of 8 year ..now my parents are not agree with this...due to economical imbalances between to family...my partner say me ..there is no problem from my side .but there are much problem from my side .he say if your parents not agree with this then leave me..you will get someone better than me ( with tears in eyes) I will always there for you...but sir I can't believe that how can I live without him...I cried whole night since 4-5 month
Ans: Dear Doctor,

Thank you for opening up about your deeply emotional situation. Eight years is a significant time to build a bond, and your pain is understandable. Love often brings us to crossroads where our heart and responsibilities clash, but with clarity, you can navigate this challenge.

Understanding the Core Issues
Your Partner’s Words:
When he says you’ll “find someone better” but also expresses tears and willingness to be there for you, it reflects his inner turmoil. He may genuinely love you but feels powerless in the face of family dynamics, especially economic differences.

Your Parents’ Resistance:
Their concern about economic imbalances might stem from societal perceptions or fears for your future. Often, parents have well-intentioned but outdated views shaped by their experiences.

Your Emotions:
Crying and sleepless nights are signs of the depth of your attachment and the weight of your situation. It’s a sign that this relationship means the world to you, but it’s also important to consider the long-term picture calmly.

Exploring Your Options
Have a Heart-to-Heart with Your Parents:
Approach them when they’re calm and express your feelings clearly. Share not just your love but how your partner makes you feel secure and supported, regardless of financial differences. Use words like:

“I understand your concerns, but this relationship has brought me immense happiness and stability. Can we find a middle ground to address your worries?”

Involve a Trusted Mediator:
Sometimes, a relative or family friend whom your parents respect can act as a bridge. They can help present your partner in a more favorable light, emphasizing his qualities beyond financial status.

Talk to Your Partner:
Express your fears and emotions openly. Let him know how much his support means to you, but also discuss a practical plan to address your parents' concerns together.

Evaluate Your Own Needs:
Take a moment to reflect on what you truly want in the long term. Does this relationship fulfill your emotional, intellectual, and life aspirations? If yes, it’s worth fighting for.

Give It Time:
Resistance from parents often softens with time if they see your consistency and happiness. Keep showing them how committed you are without being confrontational.

Balancing Heart and Mind
Avoid Making Decisions in Emotional Extremes:
It’s tempting to think in absolutes—“I can’t live without him” or “I must leave for my parents.” But life often offers middle paths. Focus on small, consistent steps rather than drastic decisions.

Focus on Your Career and Growth:
A strong professional foundation can help convince your parents that your happiness and independence don’t rely solely on economic factors. It also prepares you for any outcome, making you emotionally and financially resilient.

Seek Support:
Confide in close friends, mentors, or a counselor. Sharing your thoughts with someone neutral can help you gain clarity and calmness in decision-making.

If the Situation Doesn’t Resolve
If your parents remain adamant, you’ll need to decide whether their approval outweighs your personal happiness. This decision isn’t easy, but remember:

Love thrives on mutual effort, trust, and shared dreams.
A healthy relationship is one where both partners respect each other’s challenges and find ways to overcome them together.
If you choose to stay with your partner, communicate your decision respectfully to your parents, assuring them of your love and respect for them.

Your Well-being is Key
No matter what happens, prioritize your mental and emotional health. Crying and sleeplessness can take a toll on your ability to make sound decisions. Focus on self-care and mindfulness to find strength within yourself.

You are capable of facing this with courage and grace. Love, when nurtured with understanding and patience, has a way of creating miracles.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi sir, I am 42 years old married. Living along with father and mother. My father is retired and mother is housewife. Since long I am not speaking with father because of his rude and illogical behavior, and since mother always takes fathers side so stopped speaking with mother too. We all are living in same flat along with my wife and children. I do not know how to deal with father and mother since they do not want to live separate also. Because of behaviour of father and mother our relatives also do not come to home. Please guide us since I do not know how to behave. One side I wanted to be good son and other side not able to bear the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your situation. It's clear that you deeply value your role as a good son, yet you’re feeling trapped in a challenging environment. Balancing respect for your parents with your own emotional well-being requires patience and a plan. Let’s approach this step by step.

Understanding the Dynamics
Your Father’s Behavior:
His rudeness or illogical behavior may stem from age, personality, or even deeper frustrations that he hasn't expressed. Often, retired individuals struggle with feelings of lost authority or purpose, which may manifest as controlling or negative behavior.

Your Mother’s Role:
Your mother’s tendency to side with your father might not mean she agrees with him entirely but could reflect her way of maintaining peace. She might feel torn but unable to express it openly.

Your Feelings:
It’s important to acknowledge that your frustration is valid. However, remaining in silence and avoiding communication won’t resolve the underlying issues. It may actually deepen the distance.

Steps to Address the Situation
Break the Silence Gradually:
Start by speaking with your mother in a non-confrontational manner. Share how you feel without placing blame. Use “I” statements to express yourself, such as:

“I’ve been feeling very disconnected, and I miss having open communication with you and Dad. I want us to understand each other better.”

Initiate a Calm Conversation with Your Father:
Timing is key. Choose a moment when he is relaxed. Keep the focus on your desire to improve the relationship rather than pointing out his faults. For instance:

“Dad, I know we’ve had our differences, but I value our relationship. I’d like us to find ways to communicate better.”

Set Boundaries Respectfully:
If certain behaviors trigger conflict, it’s okay to set boundaries. Communicate them kindly but firmly, such as:

“I’d appreciate it if we could avoid certain topics that lead to arguments. I think it will help us get along better.”

Involve Your Wife and Children:
Encourage your wife to participate in creating a positive environment. Small gestures, like involving your parents in family activities or decisions, can help them feel included and respected.

Bridge the Gap with Relatives:
Relatives may stay away because of the tension at home. Once you begin rebuilding communication with your parents, invite close relatives for small gatherings to create a more welcoming atmosphere.

Consider Mediation or Counseling:
If direct conversations don’t lead to improvements, involving a neutral mediator, such as a family counselor, can help address issues in a structured way.

Changing Your Perspective
Your parents’ behavior may not change overnight, but your approach can influence the dynamic. Remember, it’s not about winning arguments but about fostering harmony. Small, consistent efforts to connect, like sharing meals or discussing lighter topics, can gradually ease the tension.

Taking Care of Yourself
While rebuilding family relationships, don’t forget your own mental and emotional health. Find time for activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s hobbies, spending time with your wife and kids, or seeking support from friends.

Relationships with parents can be complex, especially when expectations clash. However, by taking the first step and showing willingness to reconnect, you can slowly shift the situation. It’s a process, but the effort is worth it.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Feb 24, 2024Hindi
Listen
Relationship
Hi, sir, I have some child hood friend, we are best friend and stay with each other in tough situation. One of them who are settling in abroad now behave very abnormal, actually let me told what happened, he wanted to buy some property but maine dekhi bhi uske liye but Mujhe dar laga rahta tha ki itna bada investment kahi mere Karan galat na ho Jaye aur wo khud se verify kare, and he knows my i thinking by other common friend, tab se wo mujhse bahut rud and formal behave kar raha, maine bahut try Kiya, calls msg etc but he answered me 2-3 out of 10.. in his last bd i called him and wish but in my bd he didn't call Evan wish me common friend WhatsApp group...
Ans: Dear Friend,

It’s never easy to see a close relationship change, especially when you’ve shared such a strong bond over the years. Friendships, like any other relationships, go through ups and downs. Let’s take a step back and understand what might be happening, and explore ways to address it.

Possible Reasons for the Change
Misunderstanding:
It seems your friend may have felt unsupported during his property purchase decision. While your caution was well-meaning, he might have interpreted it as hesitation or lack of trust in his judgment.

Life Changes:
Settling abroad and adjusting to a new life can be overwhelming. Sometimes, people unintentionally drift apart while navigating new environments and responsibilities.

Emotional Guard:
His formal and distant behavior might indicate hurt feelings or a belief that the friendship has become strained. Instead of addressing the issue openly, he might be avoiding confrontation.

Steps to Rebuild the Friendship
Acknowledge and Address the Situation:
Send a heartfelt message where you acknowledge the distance between you both and express your willingness to understand and resolve it. For example:

“I’ve noticed we’ve been distant lately, and I really value our friendship. If I’ve done or said something to hurt you, I’d like to understand and make things right.”

Clarify Your Intentions:
If the property issue is at the root of the problem, explain your perspective. Share that your intention was to be cautious and protect him from potential risks, not to let him down.

Respect His Space:
While it’s important to reach out, avoid overwhelming him with too many calls or messages. Give him time to process and respond.

Reconnect Gradually:
Try rekindling the friendship in a lighter, more neutral way. Share a funny memory, an old photo, or an update about your life that might spark a natural conversation.

Lean on Common Friends:
If you have mutual friends, they can sometimes act as bridges in such situations. They might also provide insight into what your friend is feeling.

Prepare for All Outcomes:
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, people choose to move on for reasons of their own. If he remains distant, remember the good times you’ve shared and focus on maintaining the friendships that continue to nurture and support you.

A Gentle Perspective
Friendships, especially those that have lasted through tough times, are precious. But they also evolve as people grow and change. If your friend is currently unable to reciprocate your efforts, it doesn’t mean the bond you shared was meaningless. It simply means that both of you might be in different places emotionally or geographically right now.

Give it time, approach the situation with understanding, and keep your heart open. A true friendship often finds its way back, even after temporary distances.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hi Dr Ashish., Please keep it as anonymus. I am married from the past 7.7 yrs outside my community. It was an arrange cum love marriage. He was a kind of aurthodox mindset and I agreed to all his terms & conditions without understanding peroperly before marriage. Then after I tried my level best to do as I was agreed to it. For an example not having friendship with the opposite sex etc. His father is a negative person and always doubt on me if I speak to my real & close cousins(Kaka's son). I stopped talking to my friends& cousins for him. This went till a year, then his father beaten me when I back answered him for something, then after we left the house. Since then we are staying separately from his father but he keeps coming to our house in my absense. I had left my job after marriage then after 3 yrs of marriage I again started working, I continued my futher study(LLB). Now his father is getting older, he wants to keep his father with us. By keeping everything a side I agreed. But as the domestic violance was already happened in the past, he is fearful if it happened for 2nd time I may take a legal action which I had not done earlier. Now he is asking me to give divorce and to stay together. He says is the relationship is only with the paper.We won't tell this to the world, it would be confidential between you & me. I want you & need you but I know my fathers nature & your nature. There are possibilities that the same incident may repeat in the future. If we divorce then you won't be able to take a legal action. I want to be anxiety free. I am egoistic, sometimes speaks rudely & trust me I am working on it and I am observng the changes in me as well day by day, still when he provokes me my temprament goes up. Since we married we hadn't a good relationship bcoz he feels I have cheated him because I speak to my male friends, male colleaugues, hand shake etc buy I know it is only professionally. He says you have less introspection, I am literally failed to convince him.Neither I like or go out with my male friends, after office either I go to temple or home. I handle all the household chores with my job. Still he doubts & although he is saying he is liberal but genetically the suspicous mindset comes naturally in his behavior. And also he didn't want to start the family, still I accept it. He never make me the nominee of his savings nor he shares about his future plannings. I always share about future, family, my salary & savings. Just bcoz he is not keeping me as nominee I also have stopped him. After every fight, I stop talking to him for my mental peace, take my space then we sit discuss & conclude. Now my mind is saying to move out, but I know after his father there is no one in his life to take care of him. I am disgusted with his mood & mentality. I don't know shall I listen to my heart or mind. Need your guidance.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear that you’ve put immense effort and sacrifice into your marriage, often compromising your own needs to meet the expectations placed upon you. However, the situation you are in is both emotionally complex and mentally exhausting. Let’s carefully explore the dynamics and steps you can take.

Key Themes in Your Situation
Emotional Sacrifices vs. Trust Issues:
You’ve made significant sacrifices—distancing yourself from friends and family, adjusting to a different lifestyle, and even tolerating past mistreatment. Yet, your husband’s lack of trust and persistent suspicion continue to dominate the relationship.

Past Trauma with His Father:
The physical violence and controlling behavior from your father-in-law have left deep scars. Even though you’re willing to let him live with you again, your husband’s unusual request for a confidential divorce signals that he prioritizes his own fear of legal repercussions over building trust and stability with you.

Lack of Reciprocity:
While you share your financial plans and contribute to the household both emotionally and financially, your husband appears to withhold significant parts of his life from you. This lack of mutual transparency creates an imbalance.

Communication and Conflict:
Despite your efforts to manage conflicts through discussions and introspection, the cyclical nature of fights suggests that deeper issues—such as trust, control, and insecurity—remain unresolved.

Your Inner Conflict:
You feel torn between your empathy for his loneliness and your need to protect your mental health and autonomy. This inner struggle is a testament to your strength and compassion but also highlights the toll this relationship has taken on you.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Want from This Relationship?
Is this marriage providing you with emotional security, mutual respect, and a sense of partnership? Or is it mainly a source of stress and self-doubt?

Is the Current Dynamic Sustainable?
Considering the repeated conflicts, unresolved trust issues, and the request for a confidential divorce, ask yourself whether continuing in this relationship aligns with your personal growth and mental well-being.

What Do You Value Most?
Do you prioritize staying in this marriage to support your husband and his father, or do you feel the need to reclaim your independence and peace of mind?

Recommendations
Seek Clarity about the Divorce Proposal:
Have an open and honest conversation with your husband about his request for a divorce while staying together. Ask him:

“What do you believe this arrangement will solve? How do you see it benefiting both of us?”
This can help you understand his perspective and decide if it aligns with your values and goals.
Set Clear Boundaries:
If his father moves in, establish clear rules about behavior and communication. Ensure that your husband fully supports and enforces these boundaries to prevent any repeat of past violence.

Evaluate the Trust Issue:
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If your husband continues to doubt your professional interactions or friendships despite your transparency, consider whether this suspicion is something you can work through together or if it’s an inherent barrier.

Seek Professional Mediation:
Consider involving a counselor or mediator to help you both communicate more effectively. A neutral third party can help address unresolved issues, including trust, respect, and shared responsibilities.

Prioritize Your Well-Being:
You’ve been handling multiple responsibilities—work, studies, household chores, and emotional compromises. It’s essential to focus on your mental health. Taking time for self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary to make sound decisions.

Plan for Independence:
Whether you choose to stay or leave, ensure you have a solid plan for your financial and emotional independence. Keep your career and savings intact and consider leaning on trusted friends or family for support.

A Gentle Reminder
A relationship is meant to nurture, support, and inspire both partners. If it consistently drains you or leaves you questioning your worth, it’s worth reconsidering its place in your life. Empathy for your husband and his situation is admirable, but it should not come at the cost of your own peace and happiness.

Take time to reflect deeply. Whether you decide to stay and work on this relationship or move forward on your own, the choice should align with your core values and long-term well-being.

If you’d like to discuss further or need help navigating this situation, I am here to guide you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

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Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Asked by Anonymous - Apr 29, 2024
Relationship
Hello Dr.Ashish, I'm married, 45 years self employed man. There was batch mate in my college, whom i was in love with. Due to some misunderstanding, we stopped talking for some time and I moved to other city for my job, but kept meeting her during my visits. I told everything i felt about her but she never accepted or refused. In general she used to tell everyone that she will never get married and she is aversive to physical relationship. Later on every 5 years or so we used to get in touch with each other and continue talking to each other and reach to a level where my feelings were at peak and then she will refuse or fight to move away.This was till I got married. After, 6 years of my marriage once we met in a shopping mall, in some other country, and exchanged pleasantries as well as contact; then started talking again. My marriage was/is a hell, so i had more to share with her, and she showed genuine interest in listening and advising. During this conversation our future also came in to discussion, due to extensive flashback discussion about our old times. She remembered every small big things except any event, where she has shown interest in our future together at personal level, but discussion of professional level association was intact. Eventually, one day she confirmed on we to be together, but not to over celebrate it and let it grow and work on execution ...means divorce part. There was an extreme sad event in my family, besides my daughter of 5 years, hence i had to postpone my divorce for sometime so that, family doesn't get two shocks at same time. In the mean time, we continued talking with each other and after 5-6 months, her statements started changing about future, and eventually she said there is no future and i cant talk to you since, you always bring romance in our conversation and I'm aversive to sex/love/romance type discussions. Then we again drifted apart for an year; and, this coming close to move away, happened 3 times in last two years. Recently we started again speaking and got in to business assignment together, and i decided not to bring personal discussions in between and maintained for a while, but then she was more caring and inquisitive about my personal things; and, when I slightly changed the tone then she becomes distant. I love her like anything ...have been in this relationship selflessly and never misbehaved except one time, i.e. college time our first fight. She takes her liberty to get angry at me, if the conversation is little disturbing for her. She is very strong in controlling her emotions and blocking herself from calling anyone she is angry with. She always more male friends with whom she will be very close and then starts talking negative about closest one. As per her she has not been in any romantic relationship ever, but when I look back we had our share of emotional moments though not physical ones. Every time patch up is done by me. During discussions it will come out that she was thinking of me but knew that i will come around. So far emothional part was always brought from my side and her side was little in more out types. I had this wish to be with her and take care of her since she is still unmarried and has health issues , ailing parents and one divorced brother. She is an enterprenure and I'm helping her with her business and she happily takes support from as its her right over me. I would like to take your opinion over the situation.
Ans: Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and intricate story. It's clear you’ve been carrying a significant emotional burden for many years. Your feelings of love, loyalty, and care for this woman are evident, but so too is the confusion and pain that this dynamic has caused. Let’s unravel this situation and explore possible paths forward.

Key Dynamics in Your Relationship
Patterns of Push and Pull:
This relationship seems to follow a cycle—closeness, emotional highs, and eventual withdrawal on her part. This push-and-pull dynamic can leave you feeling emotionally drained, constantly seeking validation and clarity from her while she retains control over the connection.

Her Stance on Romance:
She has repeatedly expressed aversion to romance, physical intimacy, or traditional ideas of love. Her actions may sometimes seem contradictory, but they align with her overall stance of maintaining control and boundaries that she’s comfortable with, even if it leaves you confused or hurt.

Your Role in the Dynamic:
You’ve shown immense patience, persistence, and care. However, it appears that you are consistently the one initiating reconnection, expressing emotions, and hoping for a future together. This imbalance may leave you feeling unfulfilled and questioning your self-worth.

Her Emotional Independence:
While she allows you into her professional life and accepts your support, she seems emotionally guarded, preferring to dictate the terms of the relationship. This indicates her desire to maintain independence, possibly due to personal values or past experiences.

Impact on You:
Being caught in this cycle for years has likely affected your emotional health, relationships, and sense of clarity. While you care deeply for her, the relationship seems to take more from you than it gives in return.

Questions to Reflect On
What Do You Truly Want?
Beyond your love for her, consider what you genuinely want and need in a relationship. Is it emotional reciprocity, stability, or clarity? Does this relationship align with those needs?

How Does This Dynamic Affect You?
Reflect on how the constant back-and-forth impacts your mental and emotional well-being. Are you truly happy, or are you clinging to the idea of what this relationship could be, rather than what it is?

What Role Do You Play in This Cycle?
Consider if your persistence is enabling this pattern. While your love and patience are admirable, they may also allow the dynamic to continue without resolution.

Recommendations
Establish Emotional Boundaries:
Protect your emotional energy by defining clear boundaries. For example, limit how much you give—emotionally or professionally—without receiving anything meaningful in return.

Communicate Differently:
The next time you speak with her, try expressing your feelings calmly and clearly, focusing on your needs. For example:

“I care deeply for you, but I feel our dynamic leaves me confused and emotionally drained. I need clarity about our relationship and whether we can truly have a future together.”
Detach with Care:
If her actions consistently indicate she cannot meet your emotional needs, it may be time to step back. Detachment doesn’t mean you stop caring; it means prioritizing your well-being and allowing space for clarity.

Focus on Yourself:
Your marriage, business, and emotional health are significant aspects of your life that need your attention. Consider working on your own happiness and independence outside this relationship. Seek counseling if needed to process the complexities of your feelings.

Recognize Patterns:
Notice the recurring themes in her behavior—shifting her stance, maintaining emotional distance, and expecting you to initiate reconciliation. Understanding these patterns can help you decide how much more you’re willing to invest emotionally.

A Gentle Reminder
Love and care are valuable gifts, but they must be balanced with mutual respect, clarity, and emotional safety. If a relationship consistently leaves you feeling unfulfilled or uncertain, it’s worth considering whether it’s meeting your deeper needs.

You deserve a relationship where your love and efforts are reciprocated. Take time to reflect and prioritize your well-being. If you need more guidance or a sounding board, I am here to support you.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

...Read more

Dr Ashish

Dr Ashish Sehgal  |114 Answers  |Ask -

Relationships Expert, Mind Coach - Answered on Dec 21, 2024

Relationship
Hello Doctor, I am 62 Divorced. My daughters 34 and 29 both have abandoned me cos my ex-wife. I have given them the best child hood, US education and properties ( all my savings of my entire tenure). It looks they are no more interested in me after I gave them. As a senior citizen when I filed at the tribunal to get back what I have gifted ( this is just a fraction of what I have given) , my daughters are filing a police complaint saying I am a dangerous man. Do you think daughters will realize their mistakes and will they come back to me? My ex is a criminal and she had multiple men in her life when we were not together. In spite of it I gave her everything. Anyway I don't expect anything from my ex-wife but I am concerned about my daughters. Apparently I also learn in spite of all those expensive education they are still unable to fins a respectable place in society as an independent human to sustain. It is a pity people call daughters as angels but for me they are the devils.
Ans: Dear Sir,

First of all, I recognize how deeply hurt and betrayed you feel. The pain of strained relationships with one’s children, especially when you’ve invested so much love, effort, and resources in their upbringing, can be overwhelming. Your feelings are valid, and it’s essential to acknowledge them without judgment.

Understanding the Situation
Family conflicts often stem from layers of miscommunication, unspoken expectations, and past grievances. It seems your daughters’ actions have left you feeling not only abandoned but also disrespected. However, calling them "devils" might block any chance of understanding or reconciliation. Relationships, even the strained ones, can sometimes find a way to heal, but it requires introspection, patience, and a different approach.

Addressing Your Questions
Will your daughters realize their mistakes and come back to you?
While it’s impossible to predict others' actions, relationships can shift when emotions settle and communication improves. Right now, it seems both you and your daughters are acting out of pain, anger, and perhaps a sense of betrayal. It may take time, and possibly external help, for them to reconsider their stance. The key is to remain open to reconciliation while maintaining your dignity.

Why would they act this way despite all you’ve done for them?
Sometimes, the dynamics of parent-child relationships aren’t purely transactional. Children may not fully grasp or appreciate the sacrifices made by their parents, especially if they perceive emotional or relational conflicts as outweighing financial support. Additionally, your daughters may have been influenced by your history with their mother, shaping their perspective in ways that feel unfair to you.

How can you approach this situation differently?
Right now, the focus is on legal actions, complaints, and blame. While these steps may feel necessary to protect your rights, they can also deepen the emotional divide. Here’s a different way to approach it:

Reflect on Past Dynamics: Without judgment, consider whether there were patterns of communication or behavior in the past that may have contributed to this distance. This isn’t about blame but about gaining insight.
Extend an Olive Branch: Instead of expecting an apology, consider writing them a heartfelt letter. Focus on your feelings rather than accusations. For example, “I feel hurt and abandoned, but I miss the relationship we once had. I want us to find a way to reconnect.” This keeps the door open without escalating the conflict.
Seek Mediation: If direct communication fails, involving a neutral third party, such as a counselor or mediator, can help facilitate dialogue in a safe space.
What about your legal actions?
Protecting your rights, especially as a senior citizen, is important. However, consider how this legal route might affect the emotional dynamics further. If there’s room to negotiate or find a middle ground, explore those options with an open heart and legal guidance.

Rebuilding Yourself
While you focus on mending relationships, it’s equally important to rebuild your inner strength and find peace within yourself:

Invest in Yourself: Engage in activities, hobbies, or social circles that bring you joy and a sense of purpose. This will help you focus less on what’s missing and more on what you can create.
Detach with Compassion: It’s okay to step back emotionally for your own well-being while keeping the door open for reconciliation.
Seek Support: Sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted confidant, counselor, or support group can provide new perspectives and emotional relief.
A Gentle Reminder
Your daughters, like all humans, are complex. Their actions may be influenced by pain, misunderstandings, or pressures you may not fully see. While you cannot control their behavior, you can control your response. Approach this journey with patience, dignity, and the hope for better days ahead.

I’m here if you wish to delve deeper into this or need guidance on taking these steps.

Warm regards,
Ashish Sehgal

...Read more

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